A Parody: Done in Short Bits Disclaimer: I don’t own these characters. They are the property of Bright, Kauffman and Crane....Wait a minute! I DO own these characters! Cause this is a parody, and I’m not using Rachel, Monica, Phoebe, Joey, Chandler and Ross anyway! Confused? Ok, this is how it is: this is a parody of the show and all the bits make fun of previous storylines. The bits aren’t related to each other in any way. Ok, here it is... ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ ------- OPENING CREDITS [The gang is dancing in the fountain but a cop chases them away. Roll credits for the girls. But instead of having the names of the actors shown, it has the names of the parody characters shown. Rachel is Rebecca. Monica is Melanie. Phoebe is Phyllis. The gang jumps into the Hudson River and does the flexing stuff. Roll credits for the guys. Joey is George. Chandler is Charlie. Ross is Ricky. They turn off the lamp and the screen turns black.] BIT #1[Scene: Melanie and Rebecca’s place. The whole gang is there and they are starring at “Unattractive Nude Person”.] MELANIE: Ooh! Look at him dance... CHARLIE: I keep wondering...shouldn’t we...um, not be doing this? [They all stare at him.] CHARLIE: Nah!! [Cut to Unattractive Nude Person’s apartment. He walks to a bookcase and turns off a hidden camera. He picks up a phone and dials.] U.N.P.: Hello, NYPD? [listens] Yes, I’d like to report six people across the street who are spying on my. [listens] Yes, and I have evidence. [listens] On tape. [listens] Yes. 925 Grove Street. [listens] Ok. Thanks. [hangs up] [Cut back to across the street.] REBECCA: Hey look! He’s smiling at us! [They all smile and wave back.]BIT #2 [Scene: Charlie and George’s. The gang except for Rebecca is there. Melanie is on the phone. She hangs up.] MELANIE: I just got fired again!!! RICKY: Again?!! GEORGE: It’s the third time this month and it’s only the twelfth! MELANIE: I really need to get a job that I’m actually good at... But I’m not good at anything!! [Rebecca enters.] REBECCA: Hey guys! I just got a job at Macy’s!!! ALL: Great! Congratulations! [etc] MELANIE: How come YOU have a job and I don’t?! You’ve been looking for a job for only 2 days!! PHYLLIS: I guess she’s just a hard working, organized person. MELANIE: Shut the hell up! BIT #3 [Scene: Ricky’s place. Ricky and Rebecca are kissing. They kiss. And kiss. And kiss. They finally break apart.] REBECCA: Ok, I gotta get to work now...Well, actually, I don’t. It’s not like we ever go to work anyway! I guess I’ll go shopping... RICKY: I love you. REBECCA: I love you too. [“11:30” is written across the TV screen.] [Scene: The bar. Rebecca and Ricky are there. She thanks a cute waiter tips him. She takes the order and Ricky is obviously jealous.] RICKY: How could you do that?! I could tell you were attracted to him!! REBECCA: What?!! Oh my God!! You actually think that I liked that waiter?! RICKY: If you didn’t like him, then why did you flirt with him? REBECCA: Flirt with him? That wasn’t flirting!! Don’t you know what flirting is?! [pause] Well, actually you don’t...But the point is, I wasn’t flirting with him!! RICKY: [not listening] Ha! And you confess!! [“12:00” is written across the TV screen.] [Scene: Ricky’s place. Ricky and Rebecca enter and Rebecca is very mad.] REBECCA: Uhh!! Ricky!! I can’t believe you!!! I’m not something you own!! You know what, why don’t we just take a break? [storms out and slams the door. Seconds later, she opens the door and sticks her head in] Ok, break’s over. We are now officially over!!! [slams the door again, only this time on Ricky’s hand. He screams in pain.] [“10:00 pm is written across the TV screen.] [Scene: Rebecca’s room. Ricky enters. Rebecca is sitting on her bed. He sits next to her.] RICKY: I’m so glad that you want to give us another chance. REBECCA: Yeah, me too. [hands him a notebook] I wrote you a novel. I hope, after you read it, you can decide if we’re really back on or not. It’s your decision, Ricky. RICKY: [surprised] Oka-a-ay!! [“11:00” is written across the TV screen.] [Scene: the kitchen at Melanie and Rebecca’s place. Ricky is asleep on the notebook. He wakes up and looks at Melanie’s clock, the one that says “Cookie Time”.] RICKY: Wait a minute - that’s not even a real clock!! [He goes to Rebecca’s room.] REBECCA: Done already? RICKY: Umm, yeah! REBECCA: So, do you agree with it - that you won’t express any emotions at all and do everything I tell you to do? RICKY: Huh?! REBECCA: I thought you said you read it. RICKY: I fell asleep! REBECCA: [mad] You fell asleep?!! RICKY: Of course!!! You rambled on about all of my little faults in an 80 page notebook!!! COLLEGE RULED!!!!!!!! REBECCA: Oh, we are SOOO over!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! RICKY: Ok then! [slams the door and does a happy dance] Yes!! BIT #4 [A montage of scenes from the “normal” Friends of Chandler and Monica’s special moments: them in bed in London, them in the bubble bath, Monica with the turkey on her head, them kissing after their first “I love you’s”,them doing the crossword puzzle, Chandler proposing the first time, them kissing under the craps table, Chandler proposing the last time, and finally them taking the engagement picture... Charlie wakes up and sits up in bed.] CHARLIE: Oh_my_God!!! George will kill me if he found out I dreamt about his girlfriend!!!!....And wait a minute...aren’t I gay?BIT #5 [Scene: a recording studio. Melanie and Phyllis are there. Phyllis is about to record her new cd, “Suicide, Death, and Happy Little Elves Dancing”.] PHYLLIS: Wish me luck. I’ll need it. MELANIE: Well, not really. Your last album went, you know, double platinum. TAG SCENE [Scene: It is April 1st, 1994. The cast of Friends is sitting around a huge table and they have just finished reading the script for the pilot episode.] MATT LEBLANC: Hmm. Kinda good. ALL: Yeah. It was ok. [etc] KEVIN BRIGHT: Well, that wasn’t the actual script... This is. [holds up a stack of papers and the top one says “TOW Monica’s New Roommate, Pilot”.] That was an April Fools Joke. ALL: Oh! [fake laughs] KEVIN BRIGHT: Yeah, I guess it wasn’t that funny...Anyway, let’s have a read-through of the real thing. COURTENEY COX: “There’s nothing to tell....” [Cut to later, when they have finished reading it.] JENNIFER ANISTON: I don’t know...I liked the other one better. ALL: Yeah. You’re right. [etc]END by Jean