Friends: The Soap Opera Disclaimer: I don’t own these characters, they are the property of Bright Kauffman and Crane and that really sucks.... This is a soap opera, so nothing that happens with the characters has to make sense. It's really just making fun of soap operas and how they always have the same story line (someone is pregnant, someone has amnesia...) Anyways, just read it to find out what exactly happens. =D /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/ [Scene: Chandler and Monica’s place. He’s on the phone. Monica is sitting on the couch.] CHANDLER: [hangs up] Oh my God!! My great uncle Jeremiah, who I’ve never even heard of, just died. And he’s given me his really big fortune in his will!!! MONICA: Oh! That’s great! What are you gonna do with it? CHANDLER: Spend it, I guess...with you! [They run out the door.] [Scene: Ross’s place. He is making out with Rachel. She pulls away.] RACHEL: Ross, I have something to tell you...I’m pregnant. ROSS: [shocked] Oh my God...That’s great...I can’t believe - RACHEL: [interrupting him] But it’s not yours. It’s Chandler’s. [Scene: Monica and Chandler’s. Chandler is very drunk.] MONICA: Chandler, you can’t go driving around, you’re too drunk! CHANDLER: [shoves her out of the way] Get of out of my way, bitch!! [He goes to the place where the keys are supposed to be. They’re not there.] CHANDLER: What’d you do with them? MONICA: [crying] I can’t let you have them. I don’t want you to go kill yourself!! CHANDLER: [grabs her and shakes her violently] Give ‘em to me or I’ll kill you!!! MONICA: Nooo!!!!!!! [Cut to outside the apartment building. You can hear Monica screaming...] [Scene: a hospital waiting room. Ross, Joey, and Chandler are there. A doctor comes out.] JOEY: How is she? DOCTOR: She has a broken arm and some broken ribs but she’ll be fine... ROSS: When can we see her? DOCTOR:...and I’m afraid there’s something else. She has amnesia. [They are all shocked.] [Cut to Monica’s hospital room. There is a curtain separating the room in two. Monica is on the left side of the room. Ross enters.] ROSS: Hi. MONICA: The doctor said I’d have some visitors...But I’m really confused. Who are you? ROSS: Well, you’re Monica, and I’m your brother Ross, and, um... MONICA; I’m really tired...Could you come back a little later? [closes her eyes] ROSS: Sure. [Ross is standing with his back to the curtain. He is about to leave when a strong pair of hands come out from behind the curtain. They grab him, pull him backwards and strangle him. But Monica doesn’t wake up.] [Scene: A pay-as-you-go wedding chapel. You can only see the backs of the couple that is getting married.] PRIEST GUY: ...you may kiss the bride. [They kiss and now you can see who they are - Chandler and Phoebe!!!] [Scene: Rachel and Joey’s place. Rachel is there alone. Someone knocks on the door.] RACHEL: Come in!! [The door opens to reveal a familiar looking woman...] WOMAN: Rachel? My name is Laura...I’m your long lost twin sister! [Scene: Chandler’s room. Chandler and Phoebe are...you know. The phone rings.] CHANDLER: I’ll get it. [He gets up, puts on his robe and goes to the living room to answer the phone.] Hello? [listens] Oh my God!!! [hangs up and goes back in the bedroom] PHOEBE: Who was it? CHANDLER: It was Rachel...she’s pregnant...with my child!! [A shot is fired from behind him and it hits its target - Chandler’s head. He falls to the floor, dead. The camera pans up to show Joey, holding the smoking gun.] JOEY: Did you get it? PHOEBE: Yep. [holds up some papers] I got him to make up the will, giving all of his fortune to me...to us!! And thanks for killing him. JOEY: I killed Ross too. PHOEBE: Why?! JOEY: [confused] I dunno. [There’s a second of silence.] PHOEBE: Eh, well, I never liked him much anyways!! [pause] Well, let’s go get married! [Scene: The hospital hallway. You can see the door of Monica’s room...and you can hear something that sounds like kissing... The door opens to reveal...Rachel and Monica making out!!!!!] ~END~ by Jean