Phoebe´s Song Book
SMELLY CAT
Smelly cat, smelly cat, what are they feeding you
Smelly cat, smelly cat it's not your fault
They won't take you to the vet
You're obviously not their favorite pet
You may not be a bed of roses
And you're no friend to those with noses
Smelly cat, smelly cat, what are they feeding you
Smelly cat, smelly cat it's not your fault.
GRANDMA
Now grandma's a person who everyone likes,
She bought you a train and a bright shiney bike
But lately she hasn't been coming to dinner.
And last time you saw her she looked so much thinn-errr
Now your Mum and your Dad said she moved to Peru,
But the truth is she died and some day you will too.
La la la la la la la
THE BISEXUAL SONG
Sometimes men love women,
And sometimes men love men,
But then there are bisexuals,
But some people say they're kinding themselves.
THE BARN YARD SONG
Oh the cow in the meadow goes moo,
Oh the cow in the meadow goes moo,
Then the farmer hits him on the head,
And grinds him up,
And that's how we get hamburgers.
WHEN YOU GET OLDER
There'll be times when you get older,
When you want to sleep with people,
Just to make them like you
BUT DON'T
Now that's another thing that you don't wanna do.
Now that's another thing that you don't wanna do.
THE BLACKOUT SONG
Oh New York City has no power,
And the milk is getting sour,
But to me this is not scary,
Because I stay away from dairy.
LITTLE BLACK CURLY HAIR
I found you in my bed,
How'd you wind up there?
It's still a mystery,
Little black curly hair.
Little black, little black, little black, little black... little black curly
hair.
(From 6-03 TOW Ross' Denial)
TWO OF THEM KISSED LAST NIGHT
There was a girl, we'll call her Betty,
And a guy, let's call him Neil.
Now I can't stress this point too strongly,
this story isn't real.
middle part missed out by show
Now our Neil must decide, who will be the
girl that he casts aside?
Will Betty be the one who he loves truly?
or will it be the one who we'll call L-Lulie?
He must decide, he must decide, even though
I made him up he must decide
HOLIDAY SONG
Went to the store, sat on Santa's lap
Asked him to bring my friends all kinds of crap
Said all you need is to write them a song
Now you haven't heard it yet so don't try to sing along
No don't sing along
Monica, Monica, have a happy Hanukkah
Saw Santa Claus, he said hello to Ross
And please tell Joey, Christmas will be snowwwwwy
And Rachel and Chandler, (mumbles something) handler!
IN THE SHOWER
I'm in the shower and I'm writing a song
Stop me if you've heard it.
My skin is soapy and my hair is wet
And Tegrin spelled backward is Nirget.
(pause, while Phoebe plays guitar)
Lather, rinse, repeat. Lather, rinse,
repeat. Lather, rinse, repeat,
As needed!!!
SUICIDE AND A SNOWMAN
I made a man with eyes of coal and a smile
so bewitchin'.
How was I supposed to know that my mom was
dead in the kitchen?
