Always A Bridesmaid
by Alexandria 

“Bloody hell it’s cold.”

“Shut up and stop whining.” Xander smiled as Spike blew on his hands,
rubbing them together as the vampire stomped his feet. He left his grin
broaden, knowing that would just infuriate Spike. “It’s not that bad.”
Another blast of snow hit him squarely in the face.

“Not that bad, not that bad, hells, my knackers feel like they are brass
they’re so frozen.” Spike glared over as Xander just laughed. “’S’not
funny.”

“Oh, yeah, yeah, it is. Christ, I never pictured you as such wuss, a
little snow, a little cold, a little wind,” Xander swayed a little as the
gust battered him. His hands were frozen, he couldn’t feel his feet and
his lips were so chapped he didn’t think they would ever stop hurting. He
couldn’t believe how freezing it was either, but he wasn’t about to let
Spike know that. No, there was no way. Not now that he finally had the
upper hand in something.

“Why do you think Dru and I left for Brazil, blimey, I had enough cold and
muck in Europe to last me several lifetimes,” Spike shoved his hands in
the pockets of the duster and lengthened his stride. “C’mon, hurry up,
the door’s right there.”

Xander scampered to catch up to Spike, gasping as the heat of the hotel
lobby caressed his skin. He heard the purr come from Spike and was
tempted to let a matching sound come from his own chest. Oh, the heat
felt so good, so very, very good. He closed his eyes and just bathed in
the moment.

Unfortunately, closing his eyes prevented him from seeing the red headed
blur that was hurtling across the hotel lobby.

“Xander, you made it, you made it, you made it, we were starting to worry,
well, I was starting to worry, Tara just kept reminding me that you were
just fine, but, still, five days in a car with Spike, I thought maybe you
staked him and didn’t have the heart to tell Tara you killed her best man,
though I still think you’re the best best man and wow are your hands cold
and did you have a good trip,” Somehow Xander managed to take all that in
the few seconds before he fell to a thump on the ground, Willow beaming at
him as she leaned on his chest, her hands clasped under her chin, giggling
madly.

“Uh, yeah,” Xander pushed his way up, figuring that was a good all purpose
answer to any and everything Willow had asked, if she had, in fact, asked
anything at all. Willow bounced off him and practically flew back to
Tara’s side, grabbing her fiancee’s hand in both her own. Xander felt
another grin work it’s way across his face. Yes, that was why he had
endured those five long, long days driving here. To see Willow look just
that happy, just that ecstatic and blissed out. To stand there and see
Willow and Tara exchange their vows. He sighed a little as he tried to
brush the last of the snow out from under the collar of his jacket. If
only they hadn’t had to come to Vermont to do it. And in February,
February of all times. Well, Willow let Tara pick the date and Tara
wanted Valentine’s Day, so here they all were.

Xander turned to see that Spike still had an armful of Dawn, the girl
practically clinging to the vampire’s side. Not that Spike was all that
willing to move either. The only good thing to come out of Spike’s brief
descent into the madness of thinking he loved Buffy was his still tight
relationship with Dawn. Dawn needed a big brother. And the Big Bad
needed a little sister. It worked for them. And, Xander had to admit, it
worked out for everyone else too. Dawn was Spike’s family. And everyone
knew he would destroy anything that tried to harm his family. Yes, it was
very, very nice not to have to worry about Dawn. Nothing was ever going
to happen to her, not when Spike was around.

“Damn, now I owe Giles $50, I was so sure that you were going to stake
him.” He laughed as Buffy wrapped an arm around his waist.

“Nothing doing, Buff. I’m not doing your dirty work, if you want Blondie
dusted, you’re just going to have to do it yourself.” Xander hugged her
for a second, then watched as her eyes flicked over to where Dawn was busy
showing Spike her new shoes. Xander simply shook his head at the look of
complete absorption on Spike’s face. It was times like these that got to
him, these times when Spike let his guard down and simply was content in
his skin. These were the times when Spike’s beauty hit him like a hammer.

“What’s that?” Xander turned back to Buffy, wrenching his gaze from Spike
with a small sigh. It wasn’t like he got that many chances to simply
stare without Spike noticing.

“I said that I still can’t really believe that we’re here.” Buffy grabbed
one of the suitcases, Spike’s it looked like, and walked with him over to
the front desk to check in.

“I know,” Xander quietly responded. He tried to shake off the tiny bit of
anger Buffy’s response still generated in him. He thought she was over
this years ago.

“I guess I always just thought it was some college thing, or something, I
don’t know, I just never really thought of Willow really, really being
with Tara like this.” Buffy tapped her fingers on the counter as Xander
waited for the clerk to pull up the reservations.

“I know, Buffy, just give it a rest, okay. Willow and Tara are meant to
be, can’t you just accept that?” He tried to sound patient, but he was
sick of this conversation.

“I guess, I mean, I’m here, aren’t I?” Buffy turned to look at Tara, eyes
glazing over for a minute. “I can’t believe her family refused to come.”

Xander glanced over, seeing Tara laugh as Giles murmured something in her
ear. “Yeah, that really sucks.” And it did. Tara tried to hide it, but
they all knew that it bothered her deeply. Which was why Spike agreed to
be her best man. Actually, Xander pulled his credit card out as the clerk
finally came over, Spike manipulated her into asking. Not that he would
ever admit it, but Spike always had a soft spot for Tara. And he
remembered the drunken conversation that he and Spike had the night after
Willow proposed.

“Betcha that doll’s fucking family won’t show. Bloody fools, what more
could they want, their precious childe is marrying someone who loves her
and who can take care of her, I mean, seriously, Red’s quite the catch.
Poor little witch. Have to make sure she knows we’re her family now, have
to see to that,” Spike’s tirade went on for hours until he finally had to
stop when the chip zapped him right in the middle of a discussion on what
should be done to the heartless wankers.

“Harris – two rooms.” The clerk took his credit card and turned to pull
the reservation up on the computer. Buffy wandered off, restless as
always and Xander stood tapping his fingers on the counter as he waited.
He could hear them all behind him, their voices mixing together, a “bloody
hell, what do you mean I can’t smoke,” breaking through clearly. His
thoughts wandered as he listened to the familiar cacophony. Family. And
how had they gotten here, what weird twists led to this point, to where
they were so much a part of one another’s lives that it was inconceivable
that wherever one of them went the rest wouldn’t follow. Even Spike.
Spike. It still stunned him sometimes, to think that Spike was as much a
part of them as if he always had been, as if he hadn’t tried to kill them
in the past. No, that seemed like another life. Now, now he couldn’t
really remember the last time a day had passed that he hadn’t seen, talked
to, bickered with or fought beside Spike. And he didn’t really want to.

“Mr. Harris, I’m, well, I’m sorry to tell you this, but there was a
problem with, with your reservations.” The clerk smiled at him nervously.

“What kind of problem?” Xander growled. Just one of the many, many
things he picked up from all the time with Spike. “We’ve had these
reservations for months. I called and confirmed them this morning, what
possible problem is there?” Now for the cocked eyebrow, icy stare.
There, that was better, the man was quivering.

“Well, nothing really, it’s just that with the storm we’ve filled up and
unfortunately someone gave away one of your rooms. We do still have the
other room, though, it’s quite a very large room, a mini-suite actually
and there are two queen size beds, we apologize for any inconvenience.”
The clerk tried a nervous smile as Xander let out a sigh.

“That will have to do I guess.” Inside, he was kicking himself. It was
bad enough that he just spent the last five days in a car with Spike
trying to battle back his lust filled thoughts. Now he would have to
spend the rest of the weekend sleeping in the same room with Spike. And
there was still the drive back. Xander fought the urge to pound his head
against the counter while the poor clerk smiled at him again and ran the
card through.

“We do apologize for the inconvenience, if there is anything we can do to
make your stay more comfortable, please let us know.” Xander just nodded
once as he took the keycard then turned and started to walk away. He
blinked as he nearly ran into Spike. Damn, he hated it when Spike sneaked
up on him like that. It always made him jump. And that was exactly why
Spike did it.

“Sorry, mate, didn’t mean to startle you. Thought you might want a hand
with the bags.” Spike grinned, lying outrageously. Of course he meant to
startle Xander. He loved to watch the man jump.

“Spike, hey, there’s been a bit of a mixup. We have to share a room.
Don’t worry, there’s two beds.” Xander grabbed a suitcase as Spike leaned
down and picked up the other.

“Bloody hell, you checked this morning.” Spike growled lowly. Great,
just what he needed. Like it wasn’t torture enough to spend the last week
in the car with Xander, trying desperately to not notice just what a
gorgeous man the boy had grown into.

“I know.” Xander sighed as they made their way over to the elevators.
“You know, if you just agreed to fly out with everyone else then this
wouldn’t have happened.”

“Like I wanted to drive across the whole bloody country. However, we
talked about this, there was no way for me to fly out here without having
some nasty problem with bursting into flame.” Spike hit the button with a
little more force than actually necessary. “Not my fault there weren’t
any red eye flights.”

“You could have tried the that flying in cargo in a coffin thing that
Willow suggested.” Xander stared straight ahead, purposefully keeping his
face still. He fought desperately to contain the laughter struggling to
get out.

“Tell you what, you try being bandied about in some little box, knowing
full well that your chances of actually ending up where you’re supposed to
be going are nonexistent. And it’s uncomfortable as all hell, and,” Spike
stopped as the elevator doors opened, revealing Xander’s grin in the
mirror. “That wasn’t nice.”

“I know.” Xander followed the muttering vampire into the elevator, still
grinning as he pushed the button for their floor.

Spike grimaced as he tried to fix his bow tie yet again. “And how am I
supposed to do this when I can’t even see what it looks like.” He sighed
in frustration. It wasn’t right, he could feel it.

“Here, let me.” Xander wandered over, fastening his cufflinks as he did
so. Spike swallowed hard, eyes wide as he looked Xander over. Gods, he
looked good like this. While Xander no longer dressed like a Salvation
Army reject, it wasn’t often that he dressed up either. There really
wasn’t any reason for it. But now here Xander was, dressed to kill in the
tux that Willow dragged them both off to buy right before she and Tara
flew out to finalize the wedding plans. Spike swallowed again as Xander’s
hands reached out and quickly undid his tie. How was he just supposed to
stand there motionless while Xander was so close the vampire could feel
the heat pouring off Xander’s body.

“What are you, all thumbs, hells, Dawn could have tied it better than
that.” Xander concentrated on keeping his hands still as he slowly tied
the knot. This was just a little too much, being this close with Spike
standing there looking like some god in that outfit. “There, all done.”
Xander turned and fled for the bathroom, desperately needing to splash
some cold water on his face.

He looked up as he patted his face with the towel. This was getting
ridiculous. How long was it now, two years since he realized just how
much he wanted Spike. And it was just getting worse. At first he just
chalked it up to missing Anya. When she left, needing to find her own way
in the world, he was lonely. And for the first six months or so that
served to explain the strange fascination Spike suddenly held for him.
And then for the next six months after that Xander was convinced it was
some kind of vampire mind trip thing. And for the next six months after
that he figured it was just sexual frustration. And then six months ago
Xander woke up one morning to the sound of Spike snoring on his couch
after staying over after a long night of drinking and laughing and
realized that he was full of shit. He wanted Spike because he did. It
was as simple as that. Not that he was ever going to get what he wanted.
But that didn’t mean he couldn’t still want. Xander closed his eyes and
steeled himself as he opened the bathroom door. He could do this. Just
because he wanted Spike didn’t mean Spike wanted him.

Spike blew a stream of smoke at the ceiling as he slowly counted to one
thousand in his mind. He blew past counting to ten to battle back his
thoughts of Xander about ten minutes after Angelus first offered the young
boy to him. Counting to one hundred lasted until he stayed with Xander in
that stupid basement. Counting to five hundred worked for a few years,
especially during that bizarre Buffy phase. Spike paused with the
cigarette halfway to his lips. He still thought that was a residual thing
from that spell Red cast, he truly did. That had to be the only
explanation. He still remembered listening to Xander half-heartedly one
night and realizing with a start he wasn’t thinking of Buffy any more.
No, no more lusting after the Slayer. Back to his full-fledged longing
for the Slayer’s pet. That was the night he started counting to one
thousand. Backwards then forwards and then by threes. Two years of that
now. And he was considering starting counting to ten thousand because it
was getting to be too much to take. He wanted Xander. Gods, he wanted
Xander. And he was never going to have him. Spike let out another stream
of smoke as the bathroom door opened. He closed his eyes briefly and
steeled himself. He could do this. Just because he wanted Xander didn’t
mean Xander wanted him.

“We better get down there, the ceremony’s in half an hour and you know
Willow’s going to be freaking out.” Xander strode for the door, chancing
only a quick glance over. He lengthened his stride, hurrying out the
door, desperate to head down the hall first. There was no way he would
survive following that ass in those pants down the hall without doing
something stupid.

Spike cursed under his breath as he followed Xander down the hall. “Just
keep looking at the floor, just keep looking at the floor.” Spike kept up
the mutter as he followed Xander. “You can’t just throw him against the
wall. You can’t just throw him against the wall.”

Xander smiled as he heard Willow’s voice crack as she said the vows she
spent three months slaving over, needing to get every word just so. And
now she was finally saying them and she was so nervous she could barely
remember the words. Willow and Tara looked so beautiful, each wearing a
gorgeous long dress, Willow’s pale blue and Tara’s deep rose red. It
meant something, they explained it all to him several times, but he really
couldn’t remember now. Now, they looked happy and beautiful and he was
happy. Happy for them. Happy for him. Happy for them all. Somehow they
managed to survive to be here. And it felt so right. So right. The only
thing missing was, well, there was only one thing that could make it even
better. He looked up and over Willow’s shoulder and caught Spike’s eye.

Spike tried to keep the smile off his face. This was quite lovely, quite
touching, the witches making official their connection. And they were
both beautiful, glowing faintly as their power swirled between them. He
wondered if everyone could see it or it was just him. To think that he
would be here, standing up for one of the witches, fully accepted into
their little family. He’s given up pretending that this wasn’t his true
family a long time ago. He would happily die for any of them. And they
for him. It was almost perfect, standing here like this. Almost. There
was just one thing missing. He looked over Tara’s shoulder and caught
Xander’s eye.

They both hissed quietly in shock as the heat in the gaze hammered them
both. “It can’t be, can’t be, it can’t,” they both thought. Realization
struck them both at the same time, the open longing on both their faces
absolutely unmistakable. Spike could hear Xander’s heart start to race,
could almost feel Xander’s breath coming faster and faster. Spike
watched, fascinated, as Xander’s Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed.
Spike clenched his hands and began to desperately count. It wouldn’t do
to embarrass himself standing up here in front of everyone. Xander broke
the eye contact first, knowing full well that if he didn’t there would be
no hiding the reaction if he kept staring another second. And that
wouldn’t do. He clenched his hands tightly at his sides. It was almost
over and then, well, then he and Spike would have to talk. For at least a
second.

Xander gritted his teeth as the pictures went on and on. He knew that
Willow and Tara wanted the whole nine yards and that this was supposed to
be their special day but if he had to stand here for one more minute he
was going to go insane. Especially when Spike kept looking at him out of
the corner of his eye like that. He was going to just lose it and slam
Spike against the wall right in front of everyone. Two years of
restraint, of carefully controlled thoughts and actions were about to go
flying out the window. He couldn’t take it for another second longer. He
started as he felt Spike slide over to stand next to him as they finally,
finally headed into the reception.

“Xander,” Spike whispered, trying to keep his voice as quiet as possible.
“Xander, how long?”

“Two years.” Xander knew immediately what Spike meant. “How about you?”

“Since Angelus gave you to me.” Spike smirked a little as Xander turned
to stare at him.

“You never said. I had no idea.” Xander stopped, pushing the questions
aside for later. “Spike.”

“I know.” They stared at each other then Spike’s eyebrow slowly raised as
the waiters came out of the kitchen. Xander followed Spike’s gaze as he
walked over to sit next to Willow at their table.

“Kitchen. Ten minutes.” Xander trailed his hand along Spike’s back as he
walked to his seat.

Later they would argue, loudly and at great drunken length, over who
kissed who first. They both knew the truth however. Spike managed to
sneak into the kitchen first and he was laying in wait when Xander pushed
open the door. However, they both came after each other with the same
desperate longing. There was no first. There was just them, moving so
quickly that Xander only belatedly realized that they cut their lips when
he tasted the blood in their mouths. It was frantic and desperate and
heated and Spike took one second to welcome the fact that Xander shrugged
out of his jacket because Spike would have just ripped it off and he
wanted to see Xander wear it again. Just the jacket. And maybe the tie.
But that was the only thought that crossed his mind for a long, long time.
Why should he think when he was finally learning just how Xander tasted?

Xander felt his knees go weak. Damn if this wasn’t better by far, by
much, much farther than any of his fantasies. Once the initial wildness
passed, Spike gentled the trace of lips against Xander’s, memorizing him,
drinking in every single sound that escaped Xander’s lips. That cool
tongue slowly learned every crease of his lips, every sweet spot in his
mouth, every little thing that drove Xander mad. And it was slow. And it
was sweet. And if Spike kept it up Xander was going to lose the ability
to stand. He moved his hands slowly up and down Spike’s back, the power
there enthralling, the muscles so firm and smooth under his hands. He
moaned into Spike’s mouth. He needed this. Gods he needed this. He
always needed this.

Spike slowly pulled his head back, reluctantly leaving the warm haven of
Xander’s mouth. But he wanted to see Xander’s face, wanted to see those
dark eyes gone black with desire. He cradled Xander’s face in his hands
and began to kiss every inch of Xander’s face, learning with his lips the
planes his eyes memorized years before.

“Xander, gods, Xander, I’ve wanted this for so long,” Spike couldn’t stop
the words from coming out.

“You should have said something,” Xander rested his head on Spike’s
shoulder, gently kissing and sucking along the side of Spike’s neck.
“Think of all the fun we’ve missed.”

“Hmmm, rather think of all the fun we’re going to have.” Spike felt the
shudder run through Xander’s body. He tugged Xander over to a secluded
corner and then dropped to his knees, pulling Xander’s zipper down as his
hands skimmed over Xander’s erection.

“Please,” Xander moaned, too far gone to care who saw them. Let them see.
As long as Spike didn’t stop.

Dawn pushed the door to the kitchen open, gracefully ducking around the
corner. Where were they? She was sure she saw them come in here. She
wondered why. She was getting a little bored. Willow and Tara were
completely wrapped up in each other, well that was to be expected. Buffy
was finally calming down a little, the glass of champagne helped with
that. But now she was too busy flirting with some guy that Tara knew to
pay any attention to her. Giles was off dancing with someone and Dawn was
bored. Besides, she wanted to dance with Spike. Or Xander. It didn’t
matter, either one would be just as good. She stared around the corner,
hearing someone panting in the back.

“Xander, Spike, are you guys back there, is everything okay?” Dawn called
out, a little worried. Willow told her that this place was perfectly
safe, but she was still a little worried. It seemed they couldn’t go
anywhere without being attacked.

“Fuck” Dawn flinched, hearing Xander’s strangled curse quite clearly.
“Fuck” Now that was Spike, what could they be doing? She felt her face
flush as the unmistakable sound of a zipper being zipped sounded from
around the corner. She put her hands to her mouth, trying to stifle the
giggles. Oh wow, her friend Sally was right. Weddings really did make
people hook up. She giggled harder as Xander came around the corner, his
jacket held strategically in front of his crotch.

“Dawn, are you okay, is there something wrong?” Xander tried to keep his
voice steady. Okay, so maybe he cared if Dawn saw Spike down on his
knees, taking him into that mouth, that oh so clever tongue sliding up and
down. . . Xander cleared his throat trying to regain some control.

“Nothing’s, nothing’s wrong.” Dawn looked up to see Spike move to stand
behind Xander. She lost the battle and started laughing outright as she
looked at Spike. Spike’s hair was standing up in tufts all over his head,
his lips were swollen and it looked for all the world like he had a
hickey.

“Then what are you doing back here.” Spike tried not to growl, he didn’t
want to startle Dawn. He loved Dawn. Usually. Just not right now. As
much as he loved her, he loved being on his knees in front of Xander more.
Loved sucking him, tasting him, learning how to make him moan. . . Spike
shook his head, trying to clear away the images.

“I was looking for you two. I just was getting bored. I didn’t mean to
interrupt anything.” Dawn grinned as Spike and Xander suddenly looked
anywhere but at her. “Also, they’re going to cut the cake soon. And
you’re going to be needed out there. Umm, Spike, you might want to fix
your hair. And Xander, your shirt’s untucked.” She laughed harder as
Spike and Xander jumped guiltily. “Guys, calm down, I think it’s great.
And I think it’s about time. I’ll just go out there and find something to
do.” Dawn turned to go, then stopped, calling out over her shoulder.
“Oh, and be glad it’s me. I think Buffy was about to come looking for
you.” She ran out the door, tears streaming down her face she was
laughing so hard. The looks on their faces. Oh, she wished she had a
camera.

Xander and Spike stared at her, stunned for a minute until the sheer
ridiculousness of the situation struck them both. Xander started to
laugh, then Spike joined him until they were leaning together, howling
with laughter.

“Oh gods, can you imagine, if Buffy came in, Spike she would have
flipped.” Xander gasped out as he stuffed his shirt back into his pants.

“Definitely. We’ll have to try it sometime.” Spike ran his hands through
his hair quickly turning back to Xander with a quizzical look.

“It looks fine. Um, as much as I hate to say this, I think maybe we
should save this for later."” Xander stepped back as Spike reached for his
waist. “Seriously, I don’t want to get interrupted again. There are so
many things I want to do to you.” He licked his lips as Spike flushed at
the words.

“Feeling’s mutual. Good thing we have those big beds.” Spike turned and
made his way back to the ballroom. “This can only last another few
hours.”

“And the reservations are for two more days.” Xander followed Spike out,
watching Spike’s ass the whole time.

“And there’s still that drive back.” Spike didn’t need to look over to
know that Xander was grinning as foolishly as he was.

“And there’s nothing that says we can’t take our own sweet time. That’s
the nice thing about working for yourself. The boss always gives you time
off.” Xander ran through his jobs in his head. Nothing that his crew
couldn’t take care of. He could afford to take a few weeks off.

“Right. Just have to make it through the next few hours. We’ve waited
this long, this will be nothing.” Spike turned to look at Xander as they
settled back down at the table, sitting next to one another.

“Right. Just a few more hours. Not a problem.” Xander looked back at
Spike.

They spoke the words as one. “This is going to be hell.”