Drama Class

Welcome to Drama class. where the finest Buffy quotes live. I will have more soon!

Also to see Angel quotes (not quite as extensive) go here..Angel Quotes

Buffy

"Did you just lick your own nose blood? I'm to grossed out to say anything."

Buffy: "Giles, care? I'm putting my life on the line, battling the undead. Look, I broke a nail, ok? I'm wearing a press-on. The least you could do is exhibit some casual interest; you can go hmm."

Giles: "Hmm."

I like my evil like I like my men...evil."

"Cool, crossbow, check out these babies. Goodbye stakes! Helloooo flying fatality!

"Giles usually says please...and then I get a cookie after."

"If you're so amped about hell, why don't you go there?"

"Can you vague that up for me?"

"I know this one. Slaying entails certain sacrifices, blah, blah, biddie blah, I'm so stuffy give me a scone."

"I can't wait for the boys to go non-verbal when they see you."

"Your logic does not resemble our earth logic."

Ben: "We had Algebra II together last year."

Buffy: "Sorry. I pretty much repress anything math related."

"How's forever. does Forever work for you?"

"Give me time."

Willow: Don't hit the horsies.

Buffy: We won't...aim for the horsies.

Buffy: I can't do this. I can't take care of things. I killed my gigapet. Literally, I sat on it and it broke!

"Cordelia, your mouth is open and sound is coming from it. This is never good."

"A triumph over an indifferent foe."

Dawn:What are you doing in there?

Buffy:My boyfriend

"She's not my siter?"

"I'm coming! I'm coming!... Right now!"

"Buffy: i don't want you haing out with her...she's short.

Riley: Because we don't want her expirimenting with shortness.

Buffy: I don't believe in tiny Jewish Santa now.

“You’re not stupid…Now stop being an idiot.”

“Ready Randy?” Spike: Ready Joan.

“That will put marzipan in your pie plate bingo!” Buffy (Bot)

“You know I admire your brains almost as much as your washboard abs.” Buffy (Bot)

“I was undead and frugal!”

“Over my dead body!…The kind that doesn’t come back!”

“You’re just convenient.”

"I'm sorry William"

"They were my light at the end of the tunnel. I guess they were a train."

XANDER: No, of course not. You think we haven't seen all this before? The part where you just cut us all out. Just step away from everything human and act like you're the law. If you knew what I felt—

BUFFY: I killed Angel! Do you even remember that? I would have given up everything I had to be with— I loved him more than I will ever love anything in this life. And I put a sword through his heart because I had to.

"So what then? What do you do when you know that? When you know that maybe you can't help?"

"Hey, any apocalypse I avert without dying? Yeah, those are the easy ones."

BUFFY: Oh, my God. (stakes the vampire) You're stalling me. You're keeping me away—

GILES: It's time to stop playing the role of general, and start being one. (Buffy runs off; Giles calls after her) This is the way wars are won.

BUFFY: How did you do it? How'd you get your soul back?

SPIKE: Saw a man about a girl. I went to seek a legend out. Traveled to the other side of the world, made a deal with a demon.

BUFFY: Just like that?

SPIKE: No, not just like that. There was a price. There were trials, torture, pain and suffering... of sorts.

BUFFY: Of sorts?

SPIKE: Well, it's all relative, isn't it?

BUFFY: Meaning?

SPIKE: Meaning I have come to redefine the words pain and suffering since I fell in love with you.

BUFFY: Be easier, wouldn't it, it if were an act, but it's not. You faced the monster inside of you and you fought back. You risked everything to be a better man.

SPIKE: Buffy...

BUFFY: And you can be. You are. You may not see it, but I do. I do. I believe in you, Spike.

ANGEL: That’s great. (sotto) Everyone’s got a soul now.

BUFFY: He’ll make a difference.

ANGEL: You know, I started it. The whole having a soul. Before it was all the cool new thing.

BUFFY: You’re not getting the brush-off. Are you just going to come here and go all Dawson on me every time I have a boyfriend?

BUFFY: You know, one of these days I’m just going to put you two in a room and let you wrastle it out.

SPIKE: No problem at this end.

BUFFY: (daydreaming) There could be oil of some kind involved…

Willow

"That's right, Big Boy. Come and get it."

"Do we not put the grr in girl?"

Willow: "Okay, I'll give Xander a call. What's his number? Oh yeah, 1-800-I'm -dating-a-skanky-ho"

Buffy: "Meow!"

Willow: "Really? Thanks. I've never gotten a meow before."

Buffy: "Well deserved."

Willow: "Darn tootin'"

"I'm eating this banana... lunchtime be danmed!"

"That's me as a vampire? I'm so skanky...and I think I'm kinda gay."

Kendra: "The Slayer Handbook insists on it."

Buffy: "Handbook? What handbook? How come I don't have a handbook?"

Willow: "Is there a t-shirt too? 'Cause that would be cool."

"Do you often steal weapons from the military base?" -Oz

"Well, we don't have cable, so we have to make our own fun" -Willow

Don't warn the tadpoles!"

"I swear men can be such jerks soemtimes, dead or alive."

"I eat danger for breakfast."

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to vibe at you.”~Willow

“I can stop carrying Yak’s cheese in my bra.”

"I'm a breast girl myself, but you already knew that."

(To Buffy)"You're always saving everyone. It's kinda pesky."

WILLOW: Did you cry?... Of course you did. I get that, I understand the crying, you cry because you're human. But you weren't always.

DAWN: Yes I was...

WILLOW: No - please, you're telling me you don't remember? You used to be ...what, some mystic ball of energy. Maybe that's why you're crying all the time, "Dawny." You don't belong here. Wanna go back? End the pain? You'll be happier. I'd be happier. We'll all be a lot happier without having to listen to all your constant whining.

DAWN: Willow... stop...

WILLOW: (mocking) "Mom!" "Buffy!" "Tara!" Waah! Come on, someone's gotta stop the carnage. It's time you went back to being a little energy ball.

"You're trying to sell me on the world. The one where you lie to your friends when you're not trying to kill them and you screw a vampire just to feel and insane asylums are the comfy alternative. This world? Buffy, it's me! I know you were happier in the ground - hanging with the worms. The only time you were ever at peace in your whole life is when you were dead. (beat) Until Willow brought you back."

"Oh, Buffy. You really need to have every square inch of your ass kicked."

"Remember we had that little spat before you left? When you were under the delusion you were still relevant here? You called me a rank arrogant amateur? Well, buckle up Rupert...'Cause I've turned pro."

"Yeah, and don't underestimate the impact of a peg leg. Maybe the hospital can hook you up with a nice one. Maybe they have a 2-body-parts for the price of one kind of deal."

"So it’s true. Scythe matters. "

Xander

Ms. Calendar: Cordelia's going to meet us.

Xander: Ooh gang, you here that? A bonus day of class plus cordelia, mix in a little rectal surgery and it's my best day ever.

"When it's dark and I'm alone and I'm scared or freaked out or whatever I always think what would Buffy do. You're my hero."

"Buffy I feel a pre birthday spaking coming on"

"Ready to get down you funky aprty weasel?"

Xander: "You were looking at my neck."

Angel: "What?"

Xander: "You were checking out my neck, I saw that."

Angel: "No I wasn't."

Xander: "Just keep your distance, pal."

Angel: "I wasn't looking at your neck."

Xander: "I told you to eat before we left."

"I am the bug man, coo-coo cachoo"

"Hey, larvae boy! Yeah, I'm talking to you, ya big cootie!"

"I laugh in the face of danger, and then I hide until it goes away."

Willow: "I mean, why else would she be acting like a b-i-t-c-h?"

Giles: "Willow, I think we're a little too old to be spelling things out."

Xander: "A bitca?"

Xander: "Yeah, I'm gonna have to go with dead boy on this one."

Angel: "Would you not call me that?"

"Oh please forgive me your swim teamliness."

"Skedoinkle."

"To read makes our speaking English good"

"Ho-Hos are a vital part of my cognitive process!"

"I sometimes like things that are not good for me."

"I'm twice the fool it takes to do something like this."

Xander: "I kind of had a problem with the math."

Willow: "Which part?"

Xander: "The math."

"Whoa, let's stop this crazy whirlygig of fun. I'm dizzy."

"Angel, Angel, Angel - why does every conversation we have have to end up on that freak? (Looking up at Angel) Hey, how's it going?"

"You know, I think there may be a valuable lesson for you gals here about inviting strange men into your bedrooms."

Giles: "He's just trying to provoke you, to taunt you, to-to goad you into, uh, some mishap or some other sorts."

Xander: "The nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah approach to battle."

Giles: "Yes, Xander. Once more you've managed to boil a complex thought down to its simplest possible form."

Xander: "Hey, how come Buffy doesn't get a snotty 'once again you boil it down to the simplest form' thing?"

Giles: "..."

Xander: "Watcher's pet."

"Wehre did you get that Accent? Sesame Street. Vone two tree victims hahaha?"

"I am just gonna go home, lie down and listen to country music, the music of pain."

"So we're set then? 9ish? BYO shovel?"

"A bonus day of school and Cordelia, mix in a little rectal surgery and I'm having my best day ever."

"Ok that's it. I'm putting a collar with a bell on that guy."(about Angel)

"No more man bitch. No more funny syphilis. I'm not going to be Buffy's butt monkey anymore. Buffy: No more Butt monkey."

"Remember when I thought I was lactose intolerant last year and it turned out to be just some bad bre?"

"It's not me! His socks are clean and all matchy."

"Welcome to payback Mr face stealer."

" Oh let's have a blind taste test for generic amphibian eyeballs."

"I'll see your numbness and raise you a backpain."

"He called me a bad name...I think. It was in Latin"

"It's hollow with a chewy demon center."

"Xander: Killer snot monster."

"This is what you do now run? ...You're going to let him go because you don't like ultimatums?...Why wouldn't you? If he's not the one...if what he needs from you just isn't there break his heart, but make it a clean break. But if you think you can love this guy, I'm talking scary, exciting no emotions barred need, then think about what you're about to lose."

"Willow, I didn't know your girlfriend was Tinkerbell!"

"Great Googly moogly."

“When I marvel at the immaturity...be scared.”

Is this blind spot a genetic trait with you Summers women? The only useful thing that animal ever did was finally leave town."

"Yeah, I get that. It's just - where else am I going to go? You've been my best friend my whole life. World gonna end - where else would I want to be? "

XANDER: Yeah. They're special, no doubt. The amazing thing is, not one of them will ever know, not even Buffy.

DAWN: Know what?

XANDER: How much harder it is for the rest of us.

DAWN: No way. They've got—

XANDER: Seven years, Dawn. Working with the slayer. Seeing my friends get more and more powerful. A witch. A demon. Hell, I could fit Oz in my shaving kit, but come a full moon, he had a wolfy mojo not to be messed with. Powerful. All of them. And I'm the guy who fixes the windows.

DAWN: Well, you had that sexy army training for a while, and—and the windows really did need fixing.

XANDER: I saw what you did last night.

DAWN: Yeah, I— (embarrassed) I guess I kinda lost my head when I thought I was the slayer.

XANDER: You thought you were all special. Miss Sunnydale 2003. And the minute you found out you weren't, you handed the crown to Amanda without a moment's pause. You gave her your power.

DAWN: (shrugs) The power wasn't mine.

XANDER: They'll never know how tough it is, Dawnie, to be the one who isn't chosen. To live so near to the spotlight and never step in it. But I know. I see more than anybody realizes because nobody's watching me. I saw you last night. I see you working here today. You're not special. You're extraordinary. (stands, kisses her forehead, starts to walk out of the room)

ANDREW: That wasn't there before. I had nothing to do with that.

XANDER: Thanks for clearing that up 'cause otherwise we might've thought you were up to no good here at the satanic manhole cover. You killed your best friend!

What do you think happened? Another demon woman was attracted to me. I'm going gay. I've decided I'm turning gay. Willow, gay me up. Come on, let's gay."

XANDER: And you know what’s even worse? All the stupid “it’s all fun and games until someone loses an eye” jokes. “Hey, Xander, so no more fun and games, huh?”

"Hey, party in my eye socket and everyone’s invited! (off their looks) Sometimes I shouldn’t say words."

Cordelia(When she was on Buffy)

"Willow, nice dress. Good to know you've seen the softer side of Sears."

"God! What is your childhood trauma?!"

"Look, Buffy, we'ver never really been close - which is cool cause I don't really like you that much... But you have saved the world on occasion, so I'm going to give you some advice. Get over it. Whatever is causing the Joan Collins 'tude, deal with it. Embrace the pain, spank your inner moppet, whatever. Just get over it. Cause pretty soon you won't even have the loser friends you've got now."

Cordelia: "You can clean until Judgement Day, you're living with those stains."

Ms. Calender: "Yeah, that's the worst thing about being hung upside down by a vampire who wants to slit your throat. The stains."

Cordelia: "I hear ya."

"Excuse me , I have to call everyone I've ever met right now."

Cordelia: She is like this superman. Shouldn't there be different rules for her?

Willow: In a fascist society.

Cordelia:Right! Can we have one of those?

"Tact is just not saying true stuff."

“Ok. I want an explaination for Wesley!” Xander: Uh inbreeding?

“Help me out here, I don’t speak loser.”~Cordy

Angel

"Well, maybe next time, I'll bring you with me, Spike. Might be handy to have you around if I ever need a really good parking space."

"God to have the taste of slayer in my mouth again. It's like cigarettes ya know? Just when I thought I was over it."

"I'm weak Buffy. I've never been anything else."

I'll never leave. Not even if you kill me."

"Good dogs, don't bite." -Angel

Angel: You can't do it. You can't kill me. (Buffy kicks Angel)

Buffy: Give me time.

Buffy: "Who are you?"

Angel: "Let's just say I'm a friend."

Buffy: "Well, maybe I don't want a friend!"

Angel: "I didn't say I was yours."

"Danced with is a pretty loose term - mated with would probably be more accurate."

"See - every time we fight, you bring up the vampire thing."

"He started it!"

Spike

"So, who do you kill for fun around here?"

"You were there? Please... if every vampire who said he was at the crucifixtion was actually there, it would have been like Woodstock. I was actually at Woodstock. That was a wierd gig. I fed off a flower person and I spent the next six hours watching my hand move."

"Yeah, I did a couple slayers in my time. I don't like to brag. Who am I kidding? I LOVE to brag."

"It's a big rock. I can't wait to tell all my friends. None of them have a rock this big."

"Someone wasn't worthy."

Joyce: Do I know you?

Spike: Yeah, you hit me in the head with an axe, remember, 'Get the Hell away from my daughter'.

Joyce: Oh. *long pause* So, do you live around here?

"You think you can fool me?! You were my sire, man, my - my Yoda!"

"Our man Angel here likes to talk, but he's not much for action. All hat and no cat."

Angel: "Try to have fun without me."

Spike: "Oh I will. Sooner than you think."

Buffy: What do you want?

Spike: I told you. I want to stop Angel. I want to save the world.

B: Okay. You do remember that you're a vampire, right?

S: We like to talk big. Vampires do. 'I'm going to destroy the world.' That's just tough guy talk. Strutting around with your friends over a pint of blood. The truth is, I like this world. You've got... dog racing, Manchester United. And you've got people. Billions of people walking around like Happy Meals with legs. It's all right here. But then someone comes along with a vision. With a real... passion for destruction. Angel could pull it off. Goodbye, Picadilly. Farewell, Leicester Bloody Square. You know what I'm saying? S: I want Dru back. I want it like it was before he came back. The way she acts around him...

B: You're pathetic. I lost a friend tonight!

S: I wasn't in on that raiding party.

B: And I may lose more! The whole earth may be sucked into Hell, and you want my help 'cause your girlfriend's a big ho? Well, let me take this opportunity to *not* care.

S: I can't fight them both alone, and neither can you!

B: I hate you.

S: And I'm all you've got.

B: All right. Talk.

"A date? Please. Are you completely off your bird?...Do you want it to be?"

"When you say you love us all..."

"I hate you. And you have stupid hair!"

B: That I'm, uh... in a band. A-a rock band with Spike here.

S: Right. She plays the, the triangle.

B: Drums.

S: Drums, yeah. She's, uh, hell on the old skins, you know.

Joyce: Hmm. And, uh, what do you do?

S: *angry glare* Well, I sing.

B: Do we really need weapons for this?

S: I just like them. They make me feel all manly.

Spike:"Passions is on! Timmy is down the well and if you make me miss it I'll

Giles: WhaT? Lick me to death?

"I'm just an old pal of Xander's here."

"What are you doing wathcing the telly while there's evil still afoot? Not very productive of you. What can't do it without your buffy? Grr vampires nasty. Do it for the sake of puppies and Christmas and stuff. Come on let's kill soemthing"

Spike: You're a nummy treat.

Xander: And don't you forget it.

Harmony: I read books.

Spike: what? Evil for dummies?

"A great tall roby thing like that?"

"I got a pair of knitting needles at home he could borrow."~ (About Riley aka the Cub Scout aka The Giant Hall Monitor)"

Spike: I must have missed the memo.

Harmony: What memo?

"You need more satisfaction in life then shagging captain Cardboard...and I never liked you and you have stupid hair!"

"I think I've outgrown my bursting into flames phase."

Spike: Did you hear a noise?....right then call me...Yes. I was collecting junk.

Buffy: Are those pictures of me?

SPIKE: Lesson the second: ask the right questions. You want to know how I beat 'em? The question isn't "How'd I win?". The question is "Why'd they lose?".

SPIKE: That's all we've ever done. And the thing about the dance is, you never get to stop. Every day you wake up, it's the same bloody question that haunts you: is today the day I die? Death is on your heels, baby, and sooner or later it's gonna catch you. And part of you wants it... not only to stop the fear and uncertainty, but because you're just a little bit in love with it. Death is your art. You make it with your hands, day after day. That final gasp. That look of peace. Part of you is desperate to know: What's it like? Where does it lead you? And now you see, that's the secret. Not the punch you didn't throw or the kicks you didn't land. Every Slayer... has a death wish. Even you. The only reason you've lasted as long as you have is you've got ties to the world... your mum, your brat kid sister, the Scoobies. They all tie you here but you're just putting off the inevitable. Sooner or later, you're gonna want it. And the second- the second- that happens... You know I'll be there. I'll slip in... have myself a real good day. Here endeth the lesson. I just wonder if you'll like it as much as she did."

"Blast it Pacey! Can't you see she loves you?"

"Oh who's the puffed up manlieman? All multicoloered and possessive."

"Oh, what's the matter? Did your life flash before your eyes? Cup of tea, cup of tea? Almost got shagged, cup of tea."

"Every night I save you. Each time different. Dozens of times."

"Can't get a good night's death anymore."

"Let’s fly pigeon!”

“I may be dirt, but you’re the one rolling in it.”

“You…me…cozy little tomb with a view.”

“I don’t want to bite you…I must be a noble vampire. A good guy. On a mission of redemption. A vampire with a soul!” Buffy: Vampire with a soul? How lame is that?

“Examine my chip…or else Mr Fett here is the first to die!”

“You Englishmen are always so…Bloody hell! Sodding, blimey, shagging, knickers, bollocks, oh God! I’m British.”

(To Anya)"Absolutely. I have nothing but respect for a woman who is forthright. Drusilla was always straightforward. Didn't have a single buggering clue about what was going on right in front of her, but she was straight about it. That's a virtue."

SPIKE : He'd have to be more than just the git he is, Anya. He'd have to be deaf, dumb and blind not to want a woman like you.

ANYA: Then why?

SPIKE: The two of them, they're weak is all. Tell you one thing. They're going to miss the water now that the well's gone dry.

ANYA: You know I'm only doing this 'cause I'm lonely and I'm drunk and you smell good.

"Buffy shame on you. Why does a man do what he musn't? For her. To be hers. To be the kind of man who would never- to be the kind of man. And she shall look on him with forgiveness, and everybody will forgive and love. And he will be loved. So everything is ok, right? Can we rest now, Buffy? Can we rest now?"

"A flesh ating cliff? I'm insane, what's your excuse?"

BUFFY: You don't have to—

SPIKE: What? Be noble? I'm not. Really, I'm all right. Think I still dream of a crypt for two with a white picket fence? My eyes are clear.

ANYA: Good. Of course, once you're down there, I could join you. Kidding. I like my sex on top of the table.

SPIKE: (frustrated) Would you let it go? You're like a dog with a bone!

ANYA: So what?

SPIKE: It's my bone. Just drop it.

SPIKE: She told me it went down. Failed to mention who was driving her skin around.

FAITH: I may have said a few things...

SPIKE: Like you could ride me at a gallop 'til my knees buckle, squeeze me 'til I pop like warm champagne. That's not the kind of thing a man forgets.

FAITH: Should've known it wasn't blondie behind the wheel. She'd never throw down like that.

SPIKE: Oh, you *have* been away.

"You know, I think I do. Rupert. You used to be the big man, didn’t you? The teacher, all full of wisdom. Now she’s surpassed you and you can’t handle it. She has saved your lives again and again. She has died for you. And this is how you thank her?"

SPIKE: You listen to me. I’ve been alive a bit longer than you and dead a lot longer than that. I’ve seen things you couldn’t imagine and done things I’d prefer you didn’t. I don’t exactly have a reputation for being a thinker. I follow my blood which doesn’t exactly rush in the direction of my brain so I make a lot of mistakes. A lot of wrong bloody calls. A hundred plus years and there’s only one thing I’ve ever been sure of. You. Hey, look at me. I’m not asking you for anything. When I say I love you, it’s not because I want you, or because I can’t have you. It has nothing to do with me. I love what you are, what you do, how you try. I’ve seen your kindness and your strength. I’ve seen the best and the worst of you and I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are. You are a hell of a woman. You’re the one, Buffy.

BUFFY: (teary) I don’t want to be the one.

SPIKE: I don’t want to be this good-looking and athletic. We all have crosses to bear. (she smiles) You get some rest now. I’ll check in before first light. You can decide how you want—

BUFFY: Spike?

BUFFY: Could you stay here?

SPIKE: Sure. That diabolical torture device, the comfy chair. Do me fine.

BUFFY: No. I mean… here. Will you just hold me?

"Yeah, I hear you say it but… I’ve lived for soddin’ ever, Buffy. I’ve done everything. I’ve done things with you I can’t spell… but I’ve never been close… to anyone. Least of all you. Until last night. All I did was hold you, watch you sleep… and it was the best night of my life. So yeah, I’m terrified."

"We'll go be heroes."

"Well, you’re not staying here! You can’t buy me off with shiny beads and sweet talk. You’ve got Angel-breath. I’m not going to just let you whack me back and forth like a rubber ball. I got my pride, you know.

Giles

"Oh, look at my mask, isn't it pretty. It raises the dead. Bloody Americans."

"Testosterone is a great equalizer. It turns all men into morons."

"I appreciate your thoughts on the matter. In fact I encourage you to always challenge me when you feel it's appropriate. You should never be cowed by authority. Except, of course, in this instance when I am clearly right and you are clearly wrong."

Willow: I take it you were bored over the summer?

Giles: I watched passions with Spike. Let us never speak of it.

Giles: It's paranormal in origin.

Buffy: How do you know?

Giles: Look how shiny it is.

"But I know you're all stupid. I shouldn't have abandoned you."

GILES: Could it possibly get uglier? I used to be a highlyrespected Watcher. Now I’m a wounded dwarf with the mystical strength of a doily. I just wish I could sleep.

AMANDA: What kind of person could sleep on a night like this? (Pull back to reveal Anya, her head on the table, sleeping soundly and snoring lightly. Xander strokes her hair affectionately.)

XANDER: Only the crazy ones.

"As Willow goes, so goes my nation."

"There's something about you that's making me hug you. It's like I have no will of my own."

"Who is that girl?"

“I like it. I think I’ll call it Patches.”

"I think you sweat cute blood."

"I thought it was riveting. I'm a little unclear on some of the things."

Anya

"I am burdened with a husband and tiny pink children."

"Is she your orgasm friend?"

"I can't stop thinking about you. sometimes in my dreams you're all naked."

"Can't I go home and have sex with both of them and then we can slap em together in the morning? It's not cheating. They're both Xander."

"Who put the monkey brains next to the swater? Do we want to have to pick exploded monkey brains out of our hair?"

Willow:Does this look right to you?

Anya: Yeah if you wrapped it with your feet.

Anya:please go now.

Xander: It's usual to say have a nice day.

Anya: I have their money. Why do I care what kind of day they have?

Anya: Yeah is it hot? Because if it is then it's radiation and that can make you go impotent.

"I'll sleep with you...that sounded a lot less lesbian in my head."

"I was feared and worshipped across the globe. And now I'm stuck at Sunnydale high. A child! A mortal! And I'm flunking math."

"She's not descended from a long line of mystical warriors. she's the desendent of a toaster!"

"And I got them to throw in a limited edition Backstreet Boy lunchbox for Xan- for a friend."

"Already been looted...sorry!"

"It's well like jet lag from hell."

"Maybe you're going crazy from hell...oh no, your fine!"

“And I got them to throw in a limited edition BSB lunchbox for-”

“Already been looted…Sorry!”

BUFFY: Anya, Xander's my friend. I know what he did was wrong and if it had happened to me I'd --

ANYA: (hopefully) -- wish his penis would explode?

"Next thing I know, I'm changing to please him. I care if he cares. I'm off my guard. Happy. I'm singing in the shower and doing my sexy dance-"

Riley

"Before we were rudely interrupted by nothing."

"Looks like danger. We should build a fort. I'll get the pillows."

"Don't you just want to put them in separate rooms and experiment on them? Is it just me?"

"Please take me to the place where they make me unconscious and naked."

"Loving you is the scariest thing I've ever done."

"Buffy I feel like we're really close, at least I thought we had. I don't know much about Angel or your relationship with him. All i ask is that if you break my heart do it fast."

"I just wake up one day with them?"

"It's the pants isn't it? I can't take me seriously in these either."

"It's like I'm split in 2 when I'm with her. Half of me is on fire going crazy if I'm not touching her. But the other half is calm, at peace with everything and I know she's the one...but she doesn't love me."

Riley:right because I'm cute and weak and kittenish.

Buffy:Kitteny

Riley:Right because kitteny is so much manlier.

"(On the Jonathan episode)Well the swimsuit calander will always stick in my mind...though not in a good way."

"The wheel's always turning. You're up you're down. That doesn't change who you are."

Faith

"I feel like I could eat a horse. Doesn't slaying just make you hungry and horny?"

"I'm Buffy. that's wrong. You can't do that."

"I think it's my duty to tell you that if you had been a better watcher I might ahve been a more positive role model...I'm gonna ram a stake up your english channel."

"I come back and find out shes dating the next loser. That she's over the guy she tried to kill me for."

"You boinked the undead."

"It's like fun only boring."

"Countdown from 7-3-0."

Tara

“It was supposed to make him confused but it sort of made him peppy. Do you think it mixed with anything? Prescription?”~ Tara “Let’s hope he doesn’t try to operate heavy machinery.” ~Giles

“Not to be miss Psycho pep squad…”

"Things fall apart, they fall so hard...You can't ever put them back the way they were...I'm sorry, it's just... you know it takes time. you can't just have coffee and expect...There's so much to work through. Trust has to build again, on both sides... you have to learn if you're even the same people you were, if you can fit in each other's lives, it's a long and important process and can we just skip it? Can you just be kissing me now?"

Dawn

“Want me to name you?”

“that’s a weird place for a horn…That’s not a horn.”

Trio

JONATHAN :And that guy's been looking at me. I think he wants to make me his butt monkey.

JONATHAN: What do you mean - what do I mean? You guys were totally going to fly off and leave me holding the bag-

ANDREW: We were not! (lame lie) I was going to carry you.

ANDREW: Babe 2: Pig in the City was really underrated.

WARREN: Don't think about Babe.

ANDREW: Right.

WARREN: You're Conan. You're the destroyer. It's you against nature. You're the hunter, you're primal, you live off the land. You're Andrew. Everyone knows you. You play by your own rules. It's kill or be killed.

ANDREW: : That'll do, pig! (screams and lunges at the pig, it runs away)

WARREN: No—you gotta—you gotta corner it. Stay between it and the hall, or it— (pig escapes) That's the worst attempted pig slaughtering I've ever seen.

ANDREW: I'm not very good at stabbing. Isn't there some other way we could get blood?

ANDREW: So, how long have you followed Buffy?

XANDER: I don't follow her. She's my best friend.

ANDREW: Huh. She seems like a good leader. Her hair is shiny. Does she make you stab things?

ANDREW: OK, I know what you're thinking. Andrew, bad guy. You think I'm a super-villain like Dr. Doom or Apocalypse or-or The Riddler. But I admit I went over to the dark side, but just to pick up a few things, a-and now I'm back. I've learned. I'm good again.

ANDREW: (idealized glamour view, with wind and vaseline-lense) You've already met Buffy. She's beautiful, with a lion's heart and— and the face of an Angel. She's never afraid 'cause she knows her side will always win. Buffy and Spike have some kind of history—you can feel the heat between them. Although, technically, as a vampire, he's room temperature. Anya, a feisty waif with a firey temper and a vulnerable heart that she hides, even from herself. This lovely girl—I don't remember her name—

ANDREW: Well, what’s different?

ANYA: Well, I guess I was kinda new to being around humans before. But now I’ve seen a lot more, gotten to know people, seen what they’re capable of and… I guess I just realized how amazingly screwed up they all are. I mean, really, really screwed up in a monumental fashion.

ANDREW: Oh.

ANYA: And they have no purpose that unites them so they just drift around blundering through life until they die… which they know is coming yet every single one of them is surprised when it happens to them. They’re incapable of thinking about what they want beyond the moment. They kill each other, which is clearly insane… and yet here’s the thing. When it’s something that really matters, they fight. I mean, they’re lame morons for fighting but they do. They never… they never quit. So I guess I will keep fighting, too.

ANDREW: That was kind of beautiful. You love humans.

ANYA: I do not!

ANDREW: Yes, you do. (sing-song) You love them…

ANYA: Stop it! I don’t love them and I’ll kill you if you tell anybody.

ANDREW: I won’t tell anybody. I won’t get a chance to, anyway.

ANYA: I don’t know, you might survive.

ANDREW: No, you might survive. You know how to handle a weapon and you’ve been in this world for like a thousand years. I’m not so… (sighs) I don’t think I’ll be okay. I’m cool with it. I think I’d like to finish out as one of those lame humans trying to do what’s right.

ANYA: (smiles) Yeah.

ANDREW: So… wheelchair fight?

(CUT TO: Anya and Andrew wear surgical masks as caps and spin around the room in wheelchairs, smashing into each other and laughing hysterically.)

ANDREW: You sure you don't wanna stop and pick up some burgers or something, you know, road trip food?

SPIKE: It's not a road trip. It's a covert operation.

ANDREW: Right. Right. Gotcha. (beat) I—I bet even covert operatives eat curly fries. They're really good.

SPIKE: Not as good as those onion blossom things.

ANDREW: Ooh, I love those.

SPIKE: Yeah, me, too.

ANDREW: It's an onion... and it's a flower. I—I don't understand how such a thing is possible.

SPIKE: See, the genius of it is you soak it in ice water for an hour so it holds its shape. Then you deep-fry it root-side up for about 5 minutes.

ANDREW: Masterful.

SPIKE: Yeah. (beat) Tell anyone we had this conversation, I'll bite you.

ANDREW: Right.

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