Pinky and The Brain
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This story is autonomous from any other Ranger stories we've written and occurs in the normal Ranger episode format--well, as much as Pinky and The Brain showing up in the Rangerverse could be normal.
“So whatta ya wanna do tonight, Brain? Narf!” Pinky said. The ACME Labs
building was closed for the night, and the two lab mice were out on one of the
lab tables. Brain sat with his feet dangling over the edge of the table,
pondering as usual. Suddenly, he turned to his slow-witted companion, a look of
utter satisfaction on his face. “I have a plan to take over the world, my
pontificating partner...”
Pinky was instantly glad, for “Friends” had gone into reruns
again. “Okay, Brain. Fun, fun, silly
willy!” Brain ignored his friend’s usual asides and turned on a television
sitting on the lab table. As convenience would have it, the Rescue Rangers were
on. “As you know, everyone in the world is a closet fan of that other channel’s
show, ‘The Rescue Rangers’. According to my research, 99.93 percent of the fans
expected that if the show had run its course, Gadget and Chip would have
married.”
Pinky was surprised. “Really, Brain? I always thought Dale
would marry Gadget. Or you, maybe. Just imagine how smart your kids would be if
you married Gadget! Bang, zoom!”
“Uh, right. I’ll spare you my comments on that. Therefore,
we are going to write a story where Chip’s rival Dale wins Gadget’s heart. The
populace will be in such shock and uproar that they will be helpless to resist
my coup d’etat and I will rise to power overnight!” Brain said, grinning at the
wonderful subtlety of his ploy.
Pinky meanwhile was lost in the land of speculation—or perhaps
he was just lost in general. “We’re going to put them in a chicken coop?” Brain
rolled his eyes. “Pinky, I hate to break this to you, but Gadget and the Rescue
Rangers are just cartoons. They aren’t real.”
Pinky just stared, stupefied—okay, he’s mostly that way anyhow.
“They’re...they’re...not...not real?”
“Your sheer stupidity amazes me, Pinky.” Brain led Pinky over
to the television, and pointed to the Rangers. “You see, they’re just animated
characters drawn on celluloid. They have no life like us—well, at least like
one of us.” Pinky produced a rodent-sized writing tablet seemingly from
nowhere. “Then I should probably cancel the plans for the wedding reception—but
I’ll lose the deposit if I do that! Brain, can’t you invent something to make
them real?”
Brain gave his companion a patronizing look, even though Pinky
now knew what a patronizing look was thanks to his quickie education. “Pinky,
what are you talking about? There’s no such thing as the Rescue Rangers!” As he
said this, Brain hit a button on a nearby device—one of Brain’s leftover
inventions from a failed experiment. The machine blew up, sending terrific
amounts of energy into the room. Pinky and the Brain were surrounded by power
and then disappeared.
Brain awoke to find himself surrounded by what seemed familiar
surroundings. He looked up, and a blonde female mouse looked down at him,
puzzled. Brain’s brain told him it must still be the television, so he looked
over at Pinky. “Where...what, what happened?”
“Golly!”
“Zowie!”
Gadget and Dale were standing there in Ranger Headquarters,
amazed. “It’s Pinky and the Brain!” Gadget said. Dale was bubbling with
happiness. “Gadget, whatever this invention of yours is, it’s the greatest
thing you’ve ever made!” Brain looked over at them, and Gadget and Dale looked
back. “No, I must be hallucinating. That’s it. Pinky’s mindless drivel must be
affecting my thought patterns.”
Dale helped Brain up. “Wow, your head is huge! I’m surprised
you don’t have trouble walking with all that weight.” Brain turned and faced
Gadget. “Pinch me, so that I may return to my senses and pummel my partner for
this untimely interruption.” Gadget was totally amazed. “Golly…again. How can
you guys be here? You’re both cartoon characters!”
Pinky realized Gadget wasn’t going to help so he pinched Brain
instead. Brain flinched in pain. “Ow! Okay, it would appear that the explosion
in the lab created some sort of dimensional tear in the multiversal constant
and allowed us to be transported to a world where the Rescue Rangers are real,
or so it would appear.”
Realizing one of his greatest wishes had been granted, Pinky
ran over to Gadget. “So, Gadget, are you gonna marry Chip or Dale? Or Brain?”
Gadget blinked in confusion. “Huh? How do you know about us? You’re not aliens
disguising yourselves, are you?”
“You guys are my favorite cartoon show!” Pinky said, fan-worship
mode in full swing. “I’ve seen all your episodes. My favorite is when you
dressed up in that red dress and kissed Dale!”
Dale was similarly affected when it came to Brain and Pinky.
“An’ you guys are my favorite cartoon! Pinky, say that funny thing you
do!” Pinky looked at Dale. “What’s that, Dale? Narf, poit!”
“That’s it!” Dale rolled on the floor, laughing. Gadget
meanwhile returned her attention to Brain. “And could you say your catchphrase,
Mr. Brain?” Brain was already considering the ramifications of this discovery.
Apparently on this world, he and Pinky were cartoons with the same popularity
that the Rangers enjoyed on his. If that were the case...
“Are you pondering what I’m pondering?” Brain asked. Gadget
rubbed her chin. “Well, the odds of our thinking the exact same thought is
impossible, well, improbable, anyway.” Brain stood there, and began to have a
passing interest in the girl. “If you don’t mind my asking, what is your
intelligence quotient?”
“I have a mindbashingly high IQ. They tried to test it once,
but their test wasn’t advanced enough to measure it.”
“Yes, a problem I’m well familiar with,” Brain said. “Have you
solved all thirteen of the Mensa master problems?” Gadget grinned. “I did those
when I was in diapers.” Brain was impressed. “Strange. Our life experiences
seem to have paralleled to an extent. Could you construct a hyperdimensional
nonrandom portal with a sensor capable of detecting the reality that Pinky and
I came from?”
Gadget’s grin grew to a smile. “Sure! I’ve been building that
while we’ve been talking.” Brain was totally taken aback. “At last—someone with
my level of intelligence! I did not think that anyone could match my cerebral
abilities! You don’t perchance have a schematic of the quantum algebraic theory
for analyzing space-time, do you?”
“Sure, I always keep one on me, just in case.”
Brain was truly impressed, and found himself strangely drawn to
this mouse. “I never met a girl that liked quantum algebraic theory before...”
Gadget giggled and blushed. “Golly, thanks Mr. Brain! That’s quite a compliment
from you.”
Dale meanwhile had pulled Pinky aside. “So Pinky, looks like
you and Brain have the same relationship that Chip and I do. Are you really a
complete idiot or is there a deeper and intelligent Pinky under that silly
exterior?”
“Umm....define intelligent.”
Dale decided to try again. “Are you exactly as you appear on TV
or is there more to you than this?” Pinky began looking around and noticed some
of Dale’s comic books. “Zort! Comic books! I love comic books!” Pinky
ran over and began flipping though the pages. “Oh, look! Kablammo man! Boom,
boom! Narf!”
“Well, I guess that answers that question.”
Brain was totally amazed with Gadget. She actually considered
his remark a compliment! “I uh, I don’t suppose there’s any chance that you’d
ever consider a different mode of employment...but if you ever did I know that
I’d be glad to take over the world with you any day.”
Chip meanwhile had returned from the daily patrol, and sensing
a possible competitor for Gadget’s attentions in the vicinity he strode in
quickly. He’d been listening at the door and now joined in the conversation.
“So Brain, what would you do with the world if you did take it over?” Pinky had
already managed to find the kitchen and poked his head out of the door, waving.
“Hey Dale, why are nutcrackers not made of nuts? And graham crackers should be
made of grahams. Narf! That would be right messy wouldn’t it?”
Brain knew it was going to be a long day. “Ignore my partner’s
subtle charm, Chip. I wish to take over the world for its betterment. With a
mouse of my inestimable intelligence leading the way, everything would be
better!” Chip knew the time had come for a question he’d wanted to ask for a
long time—or at least since the time Dale dragged him to the sofa and forced
him to watch a Pinky and the Brain marathon with him. “Oh, I was just
wondering—if you’re so smart, why have you failed so miserably every single
time you’ve tried to take over the world?”
“Intelligence is always unappreciated by the lower masses. They
seem to prefer common twaddle to placate their mental pleasure. Just ask
him...” Brain said, thumbing in Pinky’s direction as the dull-witted mouse
returned from the kitchen with a thimbleful of Coo-Coo Cola. Pinky struck a
pose. “And tonight, stupid human tricks! Poit!”
Chip crossed his arms. “So, since you’re unable to accept
responsibility for your mistakes you blame Pinky. You make me sick, you
uptight, eletist snob.” Pinky pointed at Brain. “Yeah! You tight snobby wobby!”
Gadget was the calm in the storm as usual. “Now Chip, be nice
to our guests. I know how sensitive you are about things like that.” Brain
couldn’t understand their reaction. “But all I want is for everyone to have a
better world! I can’t help it if Pinky’s intelligence is abysmally below my
own! Why does everyone resist me?”
Chip’s sarcasm came through in his reaction. “ ‘Intelligence is
always unappreciated by the lower masses. They seem to prefer common twaddle to
placate their mental pleasure. Just ask him...’ You said it yourself, everyone
is lower in intelligence than you and you despise those with lower
intelligence. You’d be a terrible leader.”
“What do you want?” Brain retorted in protest. “A leader who
has the amassed knowledge of mankind at his fingertips, or one that thinks that
toenail clippings are one of the four food groups?”
“Neither of you are fit to lead,” Chip said, crossing his arms.
Brain closed the distance between them. “Well, then! Enlighten me, and tell me
who is fit to lead.” Chip ignored Brain’s attempted to bait him. “You
claim to have knowledge of mankind and yet you know so little about others.”
“I know everything that’s knowable. Test me.”
Chip nodded. “A test of your objectivity. Why are you not
fit to rule the world?” Brain gave him a smug smile. “Objectively? But you
should know that by the very laws of philosophy that one cannot be truly
objective when discussing anything that concerns him. One is part of the
equation one considers.”
“That’s why it’s a test.”
Brain cleared his throat. “Very well, then. As objectivity as
possible, I will say that if I have any shortcomings it is in application
versus ideal. For my ideal is a world where humans worship me above all others,
and give me the laudations that are only my due! I have failed in my attempts,
but the desired end is still correct.”
Chip shook his head. “Why should they worship you? Is an
intellect that time’s shown to be ineffective really worthy to be respected or
even worshiped? Perhaps it’s that kind of thinking that’s made the world the
place it is. People like you, with egos to burn, some smarts and no ability to
accomplish your goals. You turn bitter and blame the world for your own
failures because you’re too proud to believe that the rest of the world beat
you.”
“Your rhetorical skills are accomplished, but that changes
nothing,” Brain said. “I am the most intelligent being there is, so I should be
the one that is hailed! I may have a character flaw here or there, but no one
can surpass me in raw intellect!” Chip came nose to nose with him “Intellect’s
worthless if it’s not accompanied with equal or greater wisdom. You have none,
for you’ve never learned from your mistakes.”
Brain snorted and took a step back. “Obviously, your opinions
are jaded by outmoded modernist thinking. Wisdom is the result of experience,
and I have the accumulated wisdom of a hundred thousand minds up here.” Brain
tapped his brain in emphasis. “I defy you to prove that I have learned
nothing.”
“You’re still just a mouse with delusions of grandeur rather
than ruler of the world. I rest my case.”
“It’s just a matter of time. Random factors have conspired
together to work against me. The humans are entirely unpredictable in their
reactions. But I will hit upon the formula to make my rise to power take hold!
No one can stand up to my intellect.”
Chip was tiring of all this. “Well, I suppose that people like
you not having wisdom enough to win is destiny’s way of keeping you from
ultimately reaching your unrealistic goals.” Brain knew he’d been challenged. “Very
well. Since you demand proof of my abilities, I will have to show you that I
can succeed. I am going to take over this world!”
Brain pulled Pinky away from the comic books. “Come, Pinky. We
have much planning to do!” Pinky whined, “But now I’ll never know if Gopher Boy
won!” Dale realized that having an actual Brain in his world probably wasn’t
all that good a thing, so he joined in with Chip on this one. “You’ll fail, so
just accept that now. We’re the Rescue Rangers, and we’d have to stop you and since
this is our world, we’ll always win!”
Brain opened the door, and looked back ominously. “You don’t
stand a chance.” Brain left, pulling the reluctant Pinky behind. Dale walked
over and slammed the door. “What a yutz. And to think I’ve collected his merchandise
over the years! Guess I’ll have a yard sale this weekend!”
Chip watched Brain leave through a window. “Well, I tried to
warn him, but those stuck up academic types never listen to reason. Now we’re
going to have to show him he can’t win here either.”
Brain left Ranger Headquarters in a cloud of emotion. On the
one hand, some of what the Rangers said had made sense. He’d failed time after
time—probabilities wouldn’t explain that record. Still, it didn’t stand to
reason that someone of his staggering intellect should fail like that. Brain
walked into the city and down a sidewalk, Pinky at his side.
“I have to succeed this time, Pinky! My reputation as a
genius is on the line!” Brain said. Pinky looked at Brain curiously. “What line
is that, Brain?” Brain was about to bop him, but held back. “Forget I said it.
But we need a way—a fullproof way—to take over the world!”
“Forget what, Brain?”
Brain was about to go ahead and bop him anyway, when suddenly
he stopped. “Forget! That’s it! That’s it!” Brain ran up and down the street in
a Eureka moment and then returned to Pinky. “Pinky, that’s brilliant!”
“Thanks, Brain. What’s brilliant?”
“We’ll create a ray that suppresses all the humans’ long-term
memories! Then all I have to do is get on television, pretending to have been
their leader for years. They won’t be the wiser, and I’ll be leader of the
world without firing a shot!”
Pinky considered it a moment. “Well, okay Brain.” Brain looked
at him suspiciously. “What? No ‘wait, wait,’ this time?” Pinky shook his head.
“No, this is a great idea, Brain! I’m sure it’s going to work.”
“Why does that suddenly give me second thoughts…” Brain
muttered. “Well, we must persevere anyhow. First, we must locate a means to
send the neuro-supressive signal. A television station should do, which would
also afford us a medium to transmit our ‘take over the world’ broadcast from.
Not to mention cash in on the subsidiary infomercials.”
Pinky was instantly enthusiastic. “Ha, ha! Do I get to use the
flame thrower on the car hood, Brain? Hey maybe we can make a television series
that everyone wants to watch. ‘Who wants to see Brain take over the World?’.”
Brain considered it a moment before dropping the idea. “I think Regis Philbin
is quickly becoming a vast wasteland of his own. But no matter. I see the
tower, Pinky! Soon we will rule the airwaves and the world!”
Back at Ranger Headquarters, the Rangers were discussing what
their next move should be. Chip was planning, as always. “I say we just wait
until he tries something! If he’s failed every time he’s attempted to take
over, then it’s only reasonable that he’ll goof up again.”
“Chip’s right,” Dale said. “But we have to do something.”
Gadget looked worried. “Golly, it’s all my fault. I brought them here when that
dimensional portal of mine overloaded. Maybe I should complete the portal to
send them back before someone gets hurt. There’s no telling what he might try!
After all, we’re talking about the mouse that turned a entire studio audience
into a group of giant, Swiss, lederhosen-clad dancers!”
“And don’t forget the time he created a giant electromagnet to
pull the moon from its orbit!” Dale added. Monty had been out checking his
cheese traps with Zipper along, but now they were in the conversation as well.
“Crikey! The bloke sounds more like a looney than a genius!”
“We gotta stop him!” Zipper said, glad he’d been given a voice.
Dale thought and shuddered. “Well, it shouldn’t take long. An episode’s usually
only 22 minutes. So, we should see something around the next ten minutes!”
“Dale, this isn’t a cartoon!” Chip shouted. “This is real.
There won’t be any commercial breaks in this adventure! Now listen. Gadget and
Dale—you two have watched a lot of Pinky and the Brain. What would you say
would be his most likely plan of action?”
“Find the way to affect the largest group of people in the
shortest amount of time,” Dale said. Gadget nodded her agreement. “Maybe with
television. He really seems to like that. And taking into account that 93.78
percent of his plans have involved the use of technology of some kind, he would
be likely to follow that path again despite its massive failure rate.”
Monty scratched his head. “But where would he find the kind o’
technology ta effect the whole world? I mean, television’s made the world
smaller, what with satellite dishes and all, but still...”
Gadget thought it over. “Well, he could just make what he
needs.” Dale snapped his fingers. “Yeah! Don’t forget about his human-sized
exoskeleton!” Chip could see this was going to be case he could sink his teeth
into. “All right. If we’re going to track him down, we still need an idea of
where to start looking. But if he needs technology, then he’d likely be in the
city somewhere. Let’s go have a look-see!”
“True, we must be wary...or is that weary?” Gadget said. Chip
pulled his fedora a notch lower. “I think we’ll all be weary by the end of
this.”
The Rangers headed out in the RangerWing, unaware that Gadget’s
initial thoughts were more correct than she could have known. In the now-dark
and silent television station, the Brain was hard at work in a secluded back
room. The parts of two computers and an old camera were strewn about the floor
as Pinky held a flashlight to help Brain see where to solder the connections
for his new device.
Brain grinned, his eyes covered by protective glasses. “Soon,
Pinky. Soon, the world will bow only to me!” Pinky was innocently intrigued as
usual. “That sounds good, Brain. What kinda show are you gonna put on?”
“Howdy Doody, the reunion special…” Brain said, ticked.
Pinky began dancing around in delight. “Fun, fun! I love Howdy
Doody! Can I get Clarabell’s autograph?”
“Remind me to banish you to the first empty country I find once
I take command, Pinky. Now hold the flashlight steady while I give my
gratutious explanation of my device...”
Pinky began looking into the light from the flashlight. “Okay,
the light’s on...”
Brain
stood up from his work. “This device is specifically tuned to the frequency
that all humans’ brains use to recall memories placed on their chemical pathways.
It will block that frequency with a jamming signal, instantly preventing anyone
from remembering anything more than an hour’s time in the past. Once I have
assumed command, I can lengthen the time so that they will only have memories
of the Brain as their leader! As long as the device has power going to it, I
will be able to rule the world indefinitely.”
“Egad, Brain!” Pinky exclaimed. “You’re brilliant! But what if
we lose power?”
“The neural-suppressor’s effect will last for an hour even
without the device’s stimulus. As long as we can re-establish our control by
then, everything will be as the Southerners say, ‘hunky-dory’.”
“Oh. Okay, Brain,” Pinky said, noncommittally. Brain was
big-headed in his smugness (yes, that was a pun). “I’ve thought ahead this
time. The television station has a backup generator. We can employ that to keep
our ‘fans’ out there entertained.” Brain put down the circuit board he was
working on and picked up a smaller one, attaching a small lens to it.”
“But what if that fails too?” Pinky asked. Brain sighed. “Then
we’ll go into show business. I’m sure Las Vegas is in need of good acts this
time of year.” Pinky clapped in approval. “That would be wonderful, Brain! Can
I be your wacky sidekick?”
“Somehow, I had you picked out for that enviable position,
Pinky. Now, this is a smaller version of the main device. When the television
employees get here in the morning, all you have to do is point the lens at them
and turn the switch on. I’ll handle the rest.”
Pinky had just returned to the land of confusion. “I point the
lens at them and let you switch the handle on?” Brain fired a mean stare at him
from the nearby land of impatience. “No, Pinky! Just point the lens at them and
turn this switch here.” Brain showed it to him. “There is one small problem to
consider, however. This device only works on humans. Our newly-acquired
adversaries the Rescue Rangers will surely try to stop us. But once we have
control of the world, every human on Earth will be their enemy!”
Brain laughed as heartily as an off-beat genius mouse can. This
was a contingency that Pinky naturally hadn’t considered. “But I like the
Rescue Rangers...it’s one of my favorite shows! And I have a crush on
Gadget...Dale’s my hero.”
“Sacrifices must be made for world domination, Pinky. And
besides, I have to show her…uh, them that I’m more than capable of handling the
world. Now, we will retire for the night, Pinky, and when we wake the dawn will
announce the beginning of the Brain Dynasty!”
The Rangers searched all night, but found no sign of Pinky or
the Brain. They returned home to Headquarters, tired but determined to locate
their new adversary.
Chip
slouched down on the sofa. “Switch on the television, Dale. We might as well
catch the early news before breakfast.”
“Sure, Chip,” Dale said. “You can never get enough TV.” Dale
switched on the television, to find Stan Blather giving the morning news run.
“....stocks are up this morning in heavy trading, and the peace talks overseas
continue. Now, we will hear from Emperor Brain, leader of the world....”
Dale gulped. “Uh, maybe we can stop looking, Chip.”
The image of Brain’s head filled the screen. “People of the
world, this is your leader. Since you elected me to lead your planet’s affairs
ten years ago, I have ruled with a fair, compassionate and wise hand. Now, I
call upon you to give me what is only my just right—acclaim as ruler of the
world! You will send me your tribute in gold and silver and precious items of
all kinds. My assistant is showing the address at the bottom of the screen...”
Pinky held the card upside down. “Uh, we won’t be hiding out
here, Rangers. So whatever you do, don’t look for us at this address.” Brain
interrupted him. “Oh, and one more thing. Everyone is ordered to be on the
lookout for a group of animals known as the Rescue Rangers. They are a group of
two chipmunks, two mice, and a fly bent on destroying me. You are ordered to
stop them at any cost! My assistant is showing a picture of them on the screen
now from his trading card collection....”
Pinky reluctantly held up the picture, but he was very
obviously holding his thumb over Gadget’s picture. Brain jumped from his
platform and aimed the neuro-suppressor at the main camera, then he addressed
the station employees. “You may now continue your pedantic attempts at
entertainment, gentlemen. But this device is never to be touched or moved or I
will have your heads. Understand?” Stan Blather saluted, perspiring.
“Ye..yessir, Emperor!”
“That has such a nice ring to it,” Brain said, content. “Come,
Pinky! We must prepare for the laudations that are doubtless already on their
way to us.”
Dale was truly amazed at how dumb they’d been. “Well, he opened
the door for us...” Back on the screen, Stan Blather began talking again. “And
that was Emperor Brain. Now back to your regularly scheduled programming...”
Chip jumped up. “He’s got to be nuts to think that anyone would
take that drivel seriously!” Monty agreed. “Oy! Sounded worse than the host of
a B-grade movie marathon. Let’s go down there an’ teach him some manners!”
Gadget changed the channels and it appeared that Brian was
being taken seriously around the world. “Golly, he is really smart.” Chip
couldn’t figure this out. “What? But why would they take him serious?
He’s only a mouse with an oversized head!”
“He must have built some hypnotic device that only works on
humans,” Gadget deduced. Dale raised his hand. “Uh, I have a plan. He said to
look out for two chipmunks, two mice, and a fly. So, we just have to go to that
studio disguised as other animals and destroy his machine!”
“Don’t fergit, they’ve also seen a picture of us all,” Monty
said. “Well, save for Gadget. Pinky there covered ‘er up pretty well...” Gadget
giggled and blushed at Monty’s suggestion. “I’m sure it was just an accident.”
“That’s why I suggested disguises,” Dale said, for he loved
wearing disguises. Chip caught on to Monty’s observation. “That’s right! They
didn’t see Gadget, so she could go straight in. We’ll have to disguise
ourselves though like you said, Dale. Okay, let’s get cracking! Rescue Rangers,
away!”
A quick trip to the disguise box, and Dale stepped out dressed
like Abraham Lincoln, including stovepipe hat and beard. “What do you think?”
Monty shook his head as he searched for a disguise. “I hope we won’t run into
anyone who knows us.”
Soon, the television studio was receiving deliveries from
around the world. A room was set up for “Emperor Brain” to receive his tribute.
Soon he was wearing a Brain-sized crown, covered in a royal robe and surrounded
with mounds of precious metals and jewelry.
Brain admired himself in a human-sized hand mirror set up for
him. “Finally, it’s happened, Pinky. I am leader of the world! Everyone’s
paying homage to my brilliance!”
“Everyone’s paying your homepage?”
Brain snapped his fingers, and a human secretary with a notepad
came over. “Make a note to start up a site on the internet next. Ah, here’s the
cheeses from France! Are you pondering what I’m pondering, Pinky?”
“Yes, I think so, Brain. But how can Wakko burp for so long
without feeling dizzy?”
Brain considered it. “I’ll make it my next priority to
determine that. Go and check to see if the diamonds from South Africa have
arrived.” Pinky wandered off to where the tribute was being brought in. “Okay
humans, just put the sparkly stuff there.”
Outside the studio, a line of police cars and military vehicles
had surrounded the building in a protective barrier. Gadget walked right up to
them. Muldoon held up a hand. “Halt, mouse! No one gets in to see the Emperor
without permission.”
“Yeah, especially someone that might be friends to those Rescue
Rangers he told us about!” Kirby added. Gadget smiled innocently. “Well, I
wouldn’t have come unless his assistant had wanted me to! I think I see him in
the door over there. Yoo-hoo!”
Gadget waved to Pinky, who noticed her at once and froze. “It’s
her!” Pinky ran up to Gadget. “Can I have your autograph?” Kirby was impressed.
“Wow, she must be important for the assistant to the Emperor to want her
autograph!”
Gadget seized the moment. “Sure, I’d be glad to give you an
autograph! But first I’d like a tour of station first. I’ll need my bodyguards
to come along. That’s okay, isn’t it Pinky-poo?” Pinky was melting in
adulation. “Anything for you, Gadget!” Gadget’s “bodyguards” appeared from the
nearby alley at her signal. Abe Lincoln, George Washington (with the cute
nose), a rather rotund Ben Franklin and a very small version of Thomas
Jefferson followed them in.
Pinky led them around the station, a pretty quick tour since he
had no understanding of anything in the studio more complicated than the water
fountain. Gadget gave Pinky her “soft” voice. “Pinky, I’d really like to see
the device that the Brain is using to control the world. Would you show me
where it is?” Pinky shook his head vigorously. “Oh, no! Brain would get very
mad at me if I showed it to you. He’ll think you’re trying to destroy it so he
can’t take over the world. Nope, nothing you could say or do would make me show
you, no sir, no how!”
Gadget walked up to him and tickled his nose. “Please?” Pinky
blushed. “I can’t, Gadget. Brain would get mad...”
At that moment, Brain decided to get up from his throne. “An
Emperor shouldn’t have to fetch his own food, but Pinky’s probably lost in the
bathroom again. I’d best go make sure he isn’t burning the building down or
something.”
Gadget’s face formed a sad frown. “Then I guess Brain will win,
and we’ll be out of business. Headquarters will have to shut down, the Rangers
will all have to go their separate ways. The Rescue Rangers will be no more.
And I’ll be very, very sad....” Gadget turned away, and covered her face.
Pinky put a hand on her shoulder, starting to cry. “Zort!
Please don’t cry, Gadget! I’ll show you! I hate to see you cry, like in the
Cola Cult episode! I cried for hours when you left the group! Come with me...”
The others walked behind Pinky and Gadget as he led the way.
Monty elbowed Chip. “That’s my Gadget. Always got a way of
explainin’ things. Now, we’ll haveta do some heavy-duty demolition...”
“Yeah, as long as Abe here doesn’t mind messing up his hat,”
Chip said. Abe stuck his tongue out. “Watch it, George, or you’ll really need
wooden teeth!”
Pinky showed them the device and as they were studying the best
way to deactivate it, a thought occurred to Chip. “Pinky, you said you’d seen
Gadget cry before? But how was that possible?”
“I loooove your show!” Pinky said. “‘Chip and Dale’s Rescue
Rangers’ is on Toon Disney three times a day. I watch it every day! Oh, but
don’t tell our sponsors.” Chip was flabbergasted. “Huh? Are you saying that in
your world we’re on television?”
“Of course! Didn’t you know that?”
“No! We’re just a group of crime-fighters dedicated to helping
the helpless. And in our world, you’re the ones who are on television!”
“I guess it’s sort of like when you guys found out Flash the
Wonder Dog was just an actor and not a real superhero,” Pinky said.
“Yes, I suppose...hey! How did you know about us meeting
Flash?”
“I saw the episode. I’ve seen every one! Does Ditz ever come by
to visit! I wanna visit Fleeblebrox!”
Gadget looked down from the device. “I think I’ve got it
figured out, Chip! All we have to do is disengage the primary power inputs
where the electricity feeds into the added circuitry. That should overload it
and keep him from using it again!”
Chip gave her a thumbs-up. “Good. Go for it, Gadget! We’ll get
Brain and then you can figure out how to send them back home...and thank you,
Gadget.” Gadget grinned. “You’re welcome, Chip. Glad to see you remembered.”
“But I’m not thanking you! Get down from there, you sabouteur!”
Dale spun around to find Brain behind him. “Ha! We got past
your meager defenses, Brain. For I am not really Abraham Lincoln. I am Dale!”
Brain ignored Dale’s bravado. “So Pinky, you betrayed me. I should have known
better than to trust you. Still, I will not be daunted. I have one ace up my
sleeve!”
Brain pulled out a dime-sized device from his sleeve,
coincidentally enough. “This is a miniature ultrasonic bomb. If any of you
tries to rush me, I will throw it onto the floor where its will render all of
you helpless in two tenths of a second. Needless to say, I have my ultrasonic
ear filters in place.”
Pinky got down in his knees, pleading. “Please, Brain, narf!
Don’t! You did it! You took over the world! You don’t have to do anything
else!” Brain smiled in triumph. “As the great Genghis Khan said, it is not
enough that I triumph. My enemies must be made to suffer. And so you are
suffering, Rangers. You’ve seen me achieve my greatest aspiration and you are
the enemy of the entire human race! Speaking of which—guards!”
“Hey, rush him!” Dale said, charging forward. While he and the
guys tried to thwart Brain, Gadget started trying to deactivate the bomb.
As Brain saw Gadget jump down from the device and kneel on the
floor with the bomb, he suddenly forgot everything for he knew two things—one,
that his bomb would be devastating to Gadget at that range. Two, that, like
Pinky, he had a secret crush on her. Even as Monty made a grab for him, Brain
rushed toward Gadget.
“No, don’t! You can’t deactivate it! Throw the bomb at the
device!”
Gadget looked up and saw he was sincere. She threw it. The bomb
landed on the device, and two seconds later the ultrasonic blast shattered the
lenses on it, and knocked everyone out in the room. As they slowly regained
consciousness...
“What...what happened here?” Stan Blather said, coming out of
his trance. “I remember saying something about ‘Emperor Brain’...must have been
a new cartoon special....” Dale helped Brain to his feet. “Okay, Brain. How
about we call it a draw?”
Brain looked at the devastation. “Gone. All of it’s gone. All
because of my moment of weakness. I suppose it’s for the best. I just don’t
have the stomach to be the hard-nosed ruler the world needs.” Brain nodded to
Dale. “I suppose. A draw is about all I deserve.”
Gadget smiled, realizing balance had been returned to the
world. “Golly, this is such a wonderful ending!” Gadget hugged Brain, totally
shocking him. “You…you hugged me! No one’s ever hugged me before.
I...you...there’s something happening....”
The
smallish, feeble heart that had been the Brain’s now grew to seven times the
size of normal. “I...I feel good. I want to be good, to help others! Oh, thank
you Gadget! You’ve restored my feelings and now I must begin a crusade to help
humankind instead of rule it with an iron fist!”
“Now I see why Warner Brothers cancelled their show,” Chip said
flatly.
Brain hugged Pinky, and Gadget hugged him too, pleasing Pinky
no end. Brain put a hand on Pinky’s shoulder. “Come, Pinky! We must return to
our own world and prepare for tomorrow night.”
“What are we gonna do tomorrow night, Brain?”
“The same thing we’ll do from every night from now on, Pinky.
Try to make the world a better place!” Pinky did his best imitation of Gadget.
“Golly Brain, that sounds like fun, narf, poit, egad!”
Soon, everyone was back at Ranger Headquarters. Gadget
transported Pinky and the Brain back to their world, where within the year the
Brain would be hailed as the greatest help to humanity in history and made
honorary ruler of the world.
“You know, it’s strange,” Gadget said. “I didn’t realize that
cartoon characters could be real, or that we could be cartoon characters in
another world.”
“Too right, Gadget-luv,” Monty said. “Maybe everyone’s a
cartoon on some planet or other. It’d be roight strange to think that somewhere
at this moment some young blokes might be seein’ us doing all this.”
Dale yawned, removing his Abe Lincoln hat. “Yeah, it’s really
weird. The things we’re doing this very moment could just be the ramblings of a
couple of writers late at night on their computers...our actions just random
thoughts of people who think of us as nothing more than fictional
characters...uh, maybe I should change the subject.”
“Come on, Dale,” Chip said. “We’d better get some rest.
Tomorrow night’s coming.” Dale perked up at the sound of that. “Why, Chip? What
are we going to do tomorrow night?” Chip’s eyes gleamed in fun. “The same thing
we do every night, Dale. Try to get through your movie marathons without
passing out!” Dale laughed, and the others joined in as the story began to iris
out…
They’re dinky…they’re Pinky and the Brain, Brain, Brain,
Brain, Brain…
Pinky and the Brain are copyright Warner Brothers and used without permission. The Rescue Rangers are copyright Disney and used without permission, but with the utmost respect.
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