The funeral was held on Tuesday April 16, 2001. Friends and family gathered, all went as well as could be expected under the circumstances. From what I learned from the people who knew him, this mans suicide was I believe inevitable. He had already planted the first seed thought of suicide all most ten years previously. While on a hunting expedition with a friend he had suddenly turned to his friend and said, “ I’m never going to leave my place alive.” One could say that in this lifetime, this was his journey, a dark journey to us for we will never know why he really did what he did. When I first started studying quantum mechanics I was amazed at how many scientific theories seemed to match those theories of the eastern cultures. Western scientists with all their mathematical formulas on how the universe is put together had finally come full circle to find out that the answer is us, is in us, has always been in us. Now, not all scientists believe this, but many are starting to try and expand their perceptions on why we are here, what is the universe made of, or more importantly how does it interact on a continuous basis. Did you know that all the energy in the universe is always a constant? This includes us. Remember, not only are we molecules, we are and produce energy. All about us there are particles of energy and when they collide they annihilate each other and then immediately are reborn into new energy. Back to the universe being a constant. Everything is absolutely perfectly balanced, and everything has its opposite twin if you like. When a form of energy particle leaves, immediately another enters, and on and on and on. You get the picture. For a better explanation and clearer understanding I highly recommend reading Gary Zukavs “The Dancing Wu Li Masters, An Overview of the New Physics.” The man that shot himself had planted the first seed of his own death with his own Thought. Then over the years he continued watering the seed, nurturing the Thought with more thoughts of death, while feeding it not Light, but with an ever-increasing Darkness, fueled by alcohol consumption. It came as no real surprise to me at how he had ended his life, with a gun in his own hand. He was an avid, had been an avid game hunter. He killed not for food, but for sport. I sat in his living room not so long ago, and I keeping silent only cringing at was all around me. Almost everywhere you looked you could see a stuffed animal or bird. One room was filled with rifles, knives, and swords. This man was a man of death. I know many of you will think, “You’re so cold and blunt with your words of this man.” I’m not. I did know him somewhat, and found him to be a pleasant, hospitable person any time we were together. This is how he interacted with me and maybe not with others, I don’t know, as I can’t speak for them. I do remember one conversation though, that we had as breakfast was being finished. He and I were the only ones in the room and he had shown me a bracelet that was apparently holistically helping his arthritis. When he explained to me how it was supposed to work, I right away saw the light shine in his eyes. He grew more excited as I spoke about what I knew of metaphysical healing, in a way I really think his soul was trying hard to keep the light within him burning. This man from his past, I know carried tremendously huge amounts of regrets and guilt, which he could not bring himself to face and deal with. Most of the time he lived alone. The people he knew that lived up they’re perhaps kept much to themselves as well. Sometimes a man sees only that which he wishes to see, hears only those words he seeks to hear, speaks only those words he chooses others to hear. One of the hardest fears we have to overcome is the fear of looking truly at ourselves and seeing who we really are at that moment in time. Then with no self judgment, self criticism, self punishment, or self hatred we MUST FORGIVE ourselves for the past wrongs, words, deeds we have done to others and begin to heal not only ourselves but change our words, thoughts, deeds, and perception of what was, to one of what could be. Most importantly you must forgive all and any wrongs (no matter how bad) done to you by others. The moment you do that you turn yourself towards the light, your healing has begun, your souls journey once more has set foot on its right path, its chosen path. It also means you are no longer tied to all those who have done wrong to you. To not forgive others is the equivalent of holding on to an electric cord that is shocking and giving you great pain. The pain will only stop once you let go. The universe is not mean, not judgmental, not critical, not punishing, it knows only creation, life, and change. It is re – creation. It works on the theory of interference and change. A proton zooms along until it meets another particle head on and instantly it changes, both particles change, re – create, and there is once again life. No amount of energy is ever lost or wasted; it is always replaced with exactly the right quantity needed to re balance the original amount. This continuous re – creation of life I believe follows a natural course even at the sub – atomic level. The soul follows its natural course of life, death, and re – birth. Having said that, we must remember the biggest reason I feel suicide is the wrong choice for a person to make, is that the choice, decision, interferes with the natural order of events overall. When a person decides to kill him or herself, the change is premature, the wrong type of interference has happened. The soul at the moment of death realizes this. The soul knows it must now return back to the earth plane, be born again, live another life until it comes to that moment in time when the person chose suicide and this time remember (hopefully) to choose life over death physically. Only in this way can the soul progress closer to its ultimate goal of spiritual enlightenment. Of course this may take a few lifetimes to learn, as it is the evolution of the soul and spirit. The higher you are spiritually, the more aware you are of your soul, the easier it becomes to choosing life and not death. This makes it also easier for a person to ask for help, sometimes divine help when it most needs it. I believe it could very well be possible that the moment I wanted to shoot myself and cried out for help I (my soul) had awakened the memory or command to stop, change perception, and receive the extra help I needed at that precise moment. What this means is that I believe I had already committed suicide in a past life, had carried that event into this lifetime, proceeded towards it, stopped myself, called out for help, remembered I needed to choose Life not Death. Learn and write about the event and continue on my souls journey towards the next lessons I need to grow spiritually. I have the feeling there is a ton of questions you may be thinking of which I will write about in the next chapter dealing specifically with Souls, Soul families, the soul guides, and teachers, your soul group that you belong to.
