Chapter 10- Final Reflections
The sun slowly set over the lake in the park. The rippling water carried the rich red and purple colors along its waves, as though attempting to hold onto the light that was so nearly gone.
It had been almost four weeks since Pietro and Wanda had unexpectedly left. He’d also heard that Evan Daniels, the black kid staying with Xavier, had ended up skipping town as well. It seemed as though everyone was leaving Bayville these days. Not that he particularly blamed them. What really kept anyone here? Lance sighed from where he’d been sitting on the park bench, then pulled out a new pack of cigarettes and a Bic lighter.
Lighting a cigarette and taking a quick drag, Lance initially grimaced. He hadn’t smoked in almost two years, not to mention this pack tasted kind of funny. But it still held nicotine and he welcomed the refreshing smoke through his lungs.
"Hey Lance."
He slowly turned toward the speaker of the voice, then removed the cigarette from his mouth. "Jean." For some reason, he wasn’t surprised to see her, despite having not talked to her for over a year.
She’d changed a lot. Her long red hair was cut chin-length into a stylish bob. It both matured her face as well as making it more attractive. And her entire posture, stance, and facial set had changed. Just from looking at her, Lance could tell she’d grown up a lot and was no longer the little Bayville cheerleader hanging off Duncan Matthews arm.
Reading his mind, Jean gave him a frosty smile. "Hey, I was only a cheerleader freshmen year, and I dumped Duncan before prom of junior year." She informed him.
"Hey, did I say anything?" Lance said innocently. He took another quick drag from his cigarette.
Jean gave him a look. "I can’t believe you smoke those when you know they’re bad for you."
Lance shrugged. "Hey, I’m not looking to live to one-hundred. Besides, it’s an old habit, what can I say. I’m addicted."
"Yeah sure." Jean took a seat down next to Lance. "How’re you all dealing with Pietro and Wanda leaving?"
He sighed, dropping the cigarette and grinding it with his foot. "How else can we? We just deal, I guess."
"Evan’s aunt took it pretty hard when he left. Rahne later told everyone that he took Wanda off to elope with him."
Lance shook his head. "Those two are crazy." He squinted off over the water. "Pietro just left a note for us, saying something happened and he had to leave. I think he found out about Wanda and Evan. At least that’s what Todd tells me."
Jean frowned. "That seems so rash to leave on though."
"Well, Pietro was always rash. He could never think straight when he’s angry." He sighed. He knew he should be angry, but he wasn’t. If anything, he was jealous that Pietro had gotten to leave. "Things have changed so much." Lance sighed.
"Well, neither of us are in high school anymore." Jean pointed out reasonably.
"Yeah, I know. Things were so easy then." Lance remembered when they’d all been in high school. Even after Mystique left, things weren’t too bad. After all, none of them had ever depended on adults much before. They knew how to take care of themselves. But when it came time to growing up, that was when things changed. His future seemed so limited and he didn’t know how to push it farther since he’d never had anyone to look up to.
Lance looked out over the water. "I think Fred’s going to end up marrying Cindy."
"Who?" Jean looked over at him.
"This girl he met at the BCC." Lance explained. He shook his head and suppressed a grin. "His first girlfriend too. Who would’ve thought that out of the four of us, he would be the first to be involved in a serious relationship."
Jean looked at him in surprise. "You never got involved with anyone? I always figured you had someone."
He just shook his head. "I haven’t had a serious relationship since my first. Pietro was always a player in high school and I doubt he’s ever going to change. Todd never had a girlfriend. He was never too serious into girls though."
Jean just looked at him. She couldn’t picture him single for some reason. He always seemed like the type of guy to have a girl. She remembered how Rogue and Kitty had been when he’d gone out with them, even though Kitty had initially resisted him at first. She’d never realized how he’d felt so alone.
He’d been a leader, with everyone looking up to him. Yet he’d never had anyone to look up to himself. He’d had no one to consider his equal. His family looked up to him. She remembered that Kitty had adored him. Rogue, though, she was the only one she could remember as not being the same way, but she didn’t think they’d dated long, unless they’d had a relationship while Rogue was still living with the Brotherhood. Not that it mattered, since Rogue hadn’t been in Bayville for two years after her early graduation.
She stared out over the water, looking out. Now that she thought about it, she thought that she might end up marrying Scott. She’d never thought about it before until she was in college. In college, she’d seriously started to think of her future. Not just what she wanted to be and how to get there, but what it would be to actually live that life. It wasn’t enough to think that you could buy a fancy house with a Jacuzzi and chandeliers. You had to think of bills and mowing the lawn and buying kitchen utensils. The domestic things that seemed so insignificant but were actually the most important thing. She was just realizing this now, but wouldn’t apply it for another couple years until she’d finished her college degree. Yet Lance had learned this in high school. Maybe even before he’d joined up with Mystique and the Brotherhood.
"It must be really scary to grow up that fast." Jean said softly.
Lance looked over at her. He’d been lost in his own thoughts as well. "Yeah, well, you get used to it." He said quietly.
"Do you ever wish for it back?"
Lance was quiet for a moment. The only sounds were the gentle waves of the water and the sun had nearly set and the park lights were starting to turn on. "No." He said finally. "But I never really had time to wish it back and I wasn’t raised to wish for things I can’t have, I guess." He breathed out with a sigh.
Jean stared at him. When she was with him, she felt surrounded by something bigger that she didn’t understand. Some trial about life that you could only learn through experience, and she felt these experiences were around her while talking to him.
They were silent for several minutes as both reflected on life from different perspectives. Lance thought. There’d been so much stress building up on him before Pietro’s departure, yet it had all somehow fallen apart when he read Pietro’s note. He hadn’t actually been worried about his friend. Pietro knew how to survive out there. Evan and Wanda were a different matter, but he expected they would somehow make out as well. But after the initial lack of stress, something else had started growing within him. A restlessness.
And he couldn’t shake it. When he’d moved in with the Brotherhood, and after Rogue and Mystique had left, a part of him had been closed up. It would be wrong to say he’d ever been passionate for life. He’d always been too jaded for that. But there’d been an occasional thrill to it. Something wild had existed in him. He also remembered that Rogue had been the only one in Bayville to handle that part of him. Both had been so silent on the outside, but they’d unleashed something in each other. Unfortunately, physical intimacy had gotten in the way. It seemed so selfish now, but it had barred their relationship and Rogue was gone now.
Now he’d finally grown up enough to realize that physical intimacy wasn’t what had made their relationship fallen apart. It had been so many other things. But he couldn’t tell her now. He didn’t know what he wanted in life anymore. It was always to get ahead. But get ahead to what? He pushed himself and he pushed the others. But what was he really pushing them for? What would working hard and managing a college education ever bring him? It definitely wasn’t happiness.
Lance sighed again and stared out at the water. It was almost entirely dark now and the gnats and bugs were starting to fly in now. He pulled out another cigarette and lit up. He needed nicotine. He was careful to blow away from Jean. Exhaling slowly, he finally said. "I’ve been thinking about it for a couple days, but I’m going to leave Bayville."
Jean was quiet a minute. "Are you?"
He nodded slowly. It was the only way for him to ever find out what he needed. He could never find what he wanted in Bayville. "Fred and Todd can get along without me. Todd only has a year left in school and Fred’s going to be sticking around this town. Here-, I just feel-, trapped. I don’t know." Lance took another long drag and the ember on the butt of his cigarette glowed brightly in the darkness. "I just have to leave."
There was silence in the park except for the start of the crickets humming. The closest light were the orange embers. Then Jean said softly in the dark, "Maybe you’re right."