The Last Laugh
The motor on Logan’s motorcycle fell silent as he turned the ignition and pulled off his helmet. Logan climbed off the bike and dropped the helmet on the ground. He started towards the gate of the cemetery. As he approached the gate, he looked to his left and found Scott’s convertible untouched. Logan refocused his attention on the cemetery. A low growl erupted from Logan’s lips. He paused for a moment, then began to pull his jacket off. He tossed the bit of leather clothing back towards his bike and unleashed his adamantium claws.
Logan took a deep breath and started to sprint through the gate. The moment he crossed the threshold, the iron gates swung close. Only seconds after the gate closed, did the sound of machine guns filled the air. Bullets began to fly past Logan’s head and around his feet as he raced deeper into the cemetery.
Logan realized he was being herded somewhere. The bullets weren’t enough to kill Logan, and Deadpool knew that as well. The weapons fire was being used to push Logan exactly where Deadpool wanted him to be. If this were true, then Logan was being herded directly into a trap.
Logan came to a complete spot and turned around to find the source of the bullets. He found two machine guns perched on top of stone pillars on both sides of the gate. Logan turned around and started to charge towards the gate. As Logan got closer, he could feel some of the bullets tear at his skin. Nevertheless, he refused to let the pain stop him. He continued forward until he was only a few feet away from the gate. Logan leaped into the air, and with the swipe of his adamantium claws, easily demolished the machine guns.
"I must admit," said a voice from behind, "I’m impressed."
Logan turned around to find his enemy standing across from him dressed in a red and black suit. Deadpool was also sporting a gun belt with two machine guns, and a sword scabbard on his back. The red mask with the black circles around the eyes hid Deadpool’s face, but not his expression. Logan could see that the wisecracking mercenary was pleased.
"Deadpool," growled Logan. Logan’s black tattered T-shirt rose and fell with Logan’s chest as he breathed in and out. "I’m only gonna say this once. Hand over the kids."
"I’m sorry, Logan," began Deadpool, "I just can’t do that. You see, just like you, I’ve become… attached to these kids. They seem to grow on ya, know what I mean?" Deadpool pointed towards an oak tree resting on top of a hill. The young mutants were all tied up. Their wrists were tied to a rope, which left them suspended in mid air from several branches.
"Where’s the other one ‘Pool?" asked Logan. He had counted the suspended bodies and realized that Kitty was nowhere to be found.
"Oh right," said Deadpool, as if he had just remembered a minor detail. "I’m afraid Miss Pryde won’t be joining us this evening."
"What’re you talking about?" said Logan as he raised his claws slightly.
"What can I say?" shrugged Deadpool. "Something blew up at the last minute."
Logan looked around the cemetery, and for the first time, he noticed the scattered debris of the shack. Smoke was still rising from the ashes and the remains of the shack. Logan could feel the rage building inside of him. Logan quickly lunged towards Deadpool. The mercenary drew his sword and spun on his heel to avoid the attack. Logan’s claws began to slash out at Deadpool, but luckily Deadpool managed to deflect the attacks with his sword.
Both of the warriors continued to exchange blows. The clangs of metal against metal filled the cemetery. Sparks began to erupt from the clashes as the fight progressed. After numerous exchanges, Deadpool moved in close and drove his knee into Logan’s mid-section. The mercenary then, twirled and drove the butt of his sword into Logan’s face. Just as Logan refocused his attention on the enemy, Deadpool’s foot came smashing into Logan’s face. Logan hit the ground, and rolled with the impact. Logan slowly rose to his feet. Deadpool pulled a small handgun from his belt and fired. Several projectiles lodged themselves into Logan’s body. Logan fell back to the ground struggling to move. Deadpool stood his ground waiting for Logan to compose himself.
"What did you do to me?" asked Logan.
"Those darts were laced with neuro-toxins. You’ll be paralyzed for a little while. But don’t worry, I’ll finish you off long before you healing factor kicks in. Need anymore pieces of the puzzle put together for you, Einstein?"
"What happened to Kitty?" asked Logan, after finally getting his rage under control.
"Well, ya know how kids are today," began Deadpool, now mimicking the voice of the Godfather. "When ya don’t give ‘em what they want, they uh… they go to pieces on you. Ya know?" A small chuckle began to escape from Deadpool.
"No. Not Kitty?" whispered Logan to himself as he shook his head slightly.
"Uh!" grunted Deadpool in disgust. "This is so, embarrassing. I have to admit Logan I used to think you were the toughest cookie in the bunch. But, I guess Creed was right about you. When it comes down to it… you’re a major wuss. I’ll do you a favor, and put you out of your misery." Deadpool pulled his sword from his scabbard, and lined it up with Logan’s neck. "Hasta la vista, Wolvie," said Deadpool mimicking Arnold Schwarzenegger.
As Deadpool brought the sword down to Logan’s neck, a red beam clashed into the sword, sending it soaring in the opposite direction. Deadpool turned his head to follow the direction of the sword, as its blade became lodged in a tree. When Deadpool turned around, he found Kurt next to Logan’s paralyzed body.
The blue-furred teen smile at the wisecracking assassin. "Aufwiedersehen," said Deadpool as he and Logan teleported out of sight.
Deadpool then allowed his attention to fall on the are from which the red beam had originated. Standing next to the gate, Deadpool saw the X-Men. Scott was standing next to the gate with his hands on the rim of his ruby-quartz shades. He was obviously waiting for the opportunity to lift his glasses and unleash another volley of his optic blast. The other X-Men were filing into Scott’s convertible and helping Logan into the car as well.
"Well, well, well," said Deadpool as he started to walk towards the gate. "I must admit, you munchkins aren’t as helpless as you look. But, I’m curious how did get free?"
"You should remember, that all cats have nine lives," said Kitty as she phased through the bars of the gate and stood next to Scott. "I decided to phase just before the explosion. Then, I hid and waited for the chance to free my friends," explained Kitty.
"The rest of you get going," said Scott to the others. "We’ll be right behind you."
"Do you two really think you can take me?" said Deadpool as he continued to approach Scott and Kitty.
"Yeah, we think we can, but not here," said Scott. "We’ve played on your turf, but now it’s your turn to play by our rules. Meet us at the mansion in one hour. We’ll see how you like the game when you don’t have the home field advantage."
"Unless you’re chicken," added Kitty.
"Oh you kids are on," said Deadpool. "And once I beat you kids, maybe I’ll finally get some respect!"
"Maybe," said Scott as he started the motor of Logan’s bike. Kitty climbed on behind him and put the helmet over her head. As she wrapped her arms around his waist, Scott revved up the motorcycle a few times. "However, I wouldn’t hold my breath."
With that last remark, Scott and Kitty rode off after their friends in the convertible. Deadpool continued forward, and stared at his prey as they left him alone in the graveyard. One hour, Deadpool thought to himself. Hmm, I can probably wrap this up in time to catch the last bit of Letterman.
***
Deadpool strolled up front door of the mansion. As he got closer, he noticed that the door was left open. He pushed the door open, and the creak broke the silence of the dark mansion. Deadpool took a few cautious steps into the house. His footsteps filled the halls with a loud echo. "Hallo, Lucy! I’m home!" shouted Deadpool into the silence, sounding like Ricky Ricardo from I Love Lucy.
The house remained silent. Deadpool continued to search the house, as he walked further and further into the mansion. Without any warning, an explosion blasted directly in front of his face. Out of the ball of light appeared Nightcrawler. The blue-furred mutant pounced on top of Deadpool, and both mutants disappeared in another flash, as Nightcrawler teleported both of them out of the main hall.
Deadpool reappeared, with his back resting on the floor. The momentum of Nightcrawler’s attack, forced threw the young X-Man off of Deadpool. When the scarlet assassin moved into position to attack, Nightcrawler had disappeared in the shadows, laughing. "Come out, come out wherever you are, you little blue devil," called Deadpool into the darkness.
As the laughter died down, Deadpool studied his surroundings, and found that he wasn’t in the main hall anymore. Nightcrawler must have teleported him to another part of the house, but where. All he could see around him were shadows. All of a sudden, the room became filled with lights. The sudden change in the lighting caught Deadpool off guard. He brought his arms to up to shield his face from the brightness of the lights.
"Heads up!" shouted a voice. Deadpool turned around, and found something smash directly into his face. Spyke had produced a large bone club and swung it directly into Deadpool’s head. The impact threw Deadpool off his feet as he grasped his face. Spyke, on his skateboard, had rolled directly past the mercenary a second time laughing at him.
"All right kiddies, knock it off! Why don’t you come out and fight face-to-face!" called Deadpool. The darkness engulfed the room again. Deadpool began to face every direction, searching for the next attack.
The lights came back on, and Deadpool felt someone tap him on his shoulder. As he turned around, a foot smashed into his face. "How about foot-to-face?!" shouted Rogue as she delivered another kick to his mid-section, followed by a quick roundhouse to his head. Before Deadpool could regain his balance, the lights went off again. Rogue’s laughter filled the darkness, and Deadpool became more and more annoyed.
"Stop laughing! All of you! Don’t you know who I am?!" shouted Deadpool.
Before the lights could come back on, the darkness was illuminated with a brief flash of red light. The red beam crashed into the chest of Deadpool. As the lights came back on, Deadpool found himself on the floor against the wall. He saw his attacker, Cyclops, approaching him with a smile on his face, chuckling softly to himself.
Deadpool began to push himself off of the floor. "Stop laughing," whispered Deadpool. "Stop laughing!" Deadpool started to charge towards Cyclops, but found himself moving nowhere. He looked down at his feet and found his feet hovering above the ground. Then, he heard the giggles of girl. He turned to see Jean Grey laughing at him as he lay weightless in the air. Another optic blast drove him back against the wall, where he slid back to the floor. The room began to fill with laughter as all the X-Men appeared and began to surround Deadpool.
"Ha-ha," teased Deadpool as he stood on his feet. "You guys are real funny." Once he was on his feet, a felt a soft kick hit his rear. He spun around to find Shadowcat laughing loudly and pointing at her. "That wasn’t funny!" Deadpool swung at her, but his fist passed right through her head. Deadpool lodged at her again, but she started to run towards the wall. Deadpool chased after her. As Shadowcat phased through the wall, Deadpool’s fist collided with the metal wall of the Danger Room. The assassin grasped his hand wincing in pain.
"This isn’t fun--," began Deadpool. However, he was unable to finish as Wolverine appeared and slammed Deadpool against the wall.
"Well ‘Pool, it looks like you got beat with your own mind games, huh?" Wolverine’s grasp around Deadpool’s throat was tight enough to keep him in place. Yet, to discourage any other movements, Wolverine had his claw resting against Deadpool’s cheek.
"Game’s over, Wilson, and you lose," said Wolverine. "Looks like your attempt to become ‘the best there is’ just got flushed."
"Maybe," began Deadpool, "but I would have gotten away with it, if it weren’t for that stupid dog and those pesky kids." Deadpool glanced over at Nightcrawler with a sly grin on his face.
"Who are you calling a dog?" asked Nightcrawler.
"Wilson, I think it’s time you got lost," said Wolverine. Then, he brought his face closer to Deadpool’s. "I think it’s time you got lost for a long, long time."
"What’re you talking about?" asked Deadpool.
"It looks like you’re our grand prize winner," said Kitty. "And you’ve just won an all-expense paid, one way vacation."
"To Tahiti?" asked Deadpool hopefully.
"Not quite," said Wolverine. Then, Deadpool noticed he was getting drowsy. The images around him began to become blurry. Before he completely blacked out, he noticed a small syringe Logan had placed against his neck while he was holding his throat. Then, he slipped slowly into the darkness.
***
Deadpool began to stir awake. He rolled about the ground and found himself resting on sand. The scarlet mercenary opened his eyes to see the ocean in front of him. As he pulled himself up, he found that he was on a beach. A smile began to form underneath his mask. This isn’t so bad, thought Deadpool to himself. Then, he turned to find that only about thirty feet away, past a few coconut trees, the ocean. Deadpool searched the entire island from where he was now sitting. He wasn’t on a tropical paradise, he was on an isolated island no larger than his apartment.
"LOGAN!!!" shouted Deadpool, as the waves of the ocean rolled up against the shores of the small island.
***
"You know, I never thought I’d say this, but I’ll be glad when Spring Break is over," said Kitty. The other students groaned in approval as they made their way into the kitchen for breakfast.
"Is Logan still out dealing with Deadpool?" asked Evan.
"Yeah, he said he was going to drop him somewhere in the Pacific. So, he’ll be gone for a couple of hours," explained Jean.
As they took their seats around the kitchen table, the phone rang. Eventually, Kitty made her way over to the phone and answered it. "Hello."
"Good morning. This is Zack "the Wildman" Owens, the morning deejay at WDED 91.1. You are this morning’s lucky winner. What’s your name, kid?"
"I’m sorry, you have the wrong number!" said Kitty as she hung up the phone. The others looked at her, as she sat down.
"Who vas it, Kitty?" asked Kurt.
"Another radio giveaway contest, saying we’re the winners," responded Kitty.
Looks of terror were exchanged from the kids around the table. The phone rang again. "I’m not really hungry," said Scott. "Anyone up for heading to the beach?" The other students rose from their seats, nodding with approval, and headed out the door to Scott’s convertible. Meanwhile, on the other end of the phone, Professor Xavier wandered where everyone could be so early in the morning.