Torn


I used to stare at you from across the room. If you were here you’d probably tell me that it’s “rude”. Don’t worry, I know it’s “rude” to stare…but I just can’t help it. You’re so….I don’t know… admirable? Cute?

I know you’re handsome. That’s why I’ve got this little thing for ya. Never wanted to admit it, but Risty made me. And I’m glad, too cause now I know what I’m feeling. With all these scattered memories running around in my cramped mind….just one more thing to be sure of, y’know?

But…I don’t just stare at you because you’re cute and handsome…I can’t help staring at you because you’re so…in control. So confident and always in charge…except of course when she’s around. When she’s around, you stutter, you fall face flat on the floor. I know she’s pretty and popular. I know she’s smart and….perfect. But she’s just leading you on and you know it. I don’t know what you see in her that still makes you fall head over heels in love with her, but whatever it is….I hope you’ll see it in me, too.

You’re just one of the few guys, very few guys, that I’ve had a thing for, did you know that? ..Heh, of course, you didn’t…

But you know, I met another guy…yesterday.

He’s handsome, too. Smart and clever, just like you. And a mutant, like us.

And like us, he‘s just as dangerous and deadly, if not more.

I don’t know his name and I’m already falling for him.

I mean, he tried to kill me for God‘s sake, and yet….here I am, still falling for him. I can’t get him out of my mind…

Why do I always fall for the guys who try to kill me? I mean, you didn’t exactly try to kill me, but at first, I thought you did.

I’m crazy, and I know that if you were here, you’d tell me that, too.

He and I never even talked to each other. Just stared at each other’s eyes….

There was a moment.

I know there was a moment. I just don’t know if he felt that moment…

I know I did.

Sparks flew…I hope he saw them.

I’m torn. I shouldn’t be. But I am. I’m torn between you and him. I know there’s just friendship between us, but I still can’t stop myself from hoping….just like you can’t stop yourself from hoping with…her.

I’m gonna tell ya right now, I don’t hate Jean Grey. No, no. I don’t hate her. I just…don’t like her, that’s all…I know you know why, so don’t even ask why. And I know she’s just trying to be nice, la de da. But I can’t help it. I can’t stop myself from being…mean?

There’s way too many things that I can’t control, that I can’t stop. Way too many feelings and emotions….

There’s too many people running around freely inside my head.

Too many memories, too many images, and I can’t tell anymore which ones are mine and…aren’t mine.

There’s too much pain, and too much anguish. I don’t know if I can take it anymore.

I’m hurting, as always.

I’m going out of my mind, Scott.

Help me. Somebody…anybody?

Please help me.