If Richard Curtis and Ben Elton had teamed up to write The Lord of the Rings, I imagine it would go something like this:
Lord Frodo Baggins (staring at the ring as he ponders his situation): How the blazes did I ever allow myself to get talked into this gawd-awful dangerous mission? Dispose of this ring in a volcano that's located in Mordor, the most dangerous place on the planet? If only there was some way I could get some cash out of this situation, then it would be worth my while.
Samwise: Don't worry, my lord, for I have a cunning plan!
Lord Frodo Baggins (rolls his eyes): Oh, gawd! Sam, I don't question your loyalty as my servant and as my gardener, but your so-called 'cunning plans' never amount to anything more than pathetic stupid ideas that no one would ever salute if we ran them up a flag pole.
Queen Galadriel: Frodo! Where's my present?!
Lord Frodo Baggins: Uh, your present, Your Majesty?
Queen Galadriel: I WANT A PRESENT! GIVE ME SOMETHING NICE AND SHINY! Or I'll give YOU something shiny, and it's called an AX!
Lord Frodo Baggins: Well, uh, uh --
Queen Galadriel: What's THAT, Frodo?! (points to the ring that Frodo unsuccessfully tried to hide from the queen).
Lord Frodo Baggins: This? Oh, nothing. Just a ring. A mere cheap trinket. Not worthy of Your Majesty, I assure you.
Queen Galadriel: I WANT IT! Give it to me, Frodo!
Lord Frodo Baggins (resigning himself to doom): Oh, gawd. Yes, Your Majesty.
