1. I already knew he was cute. This just enforced it even more.
2. Being a guy, I checked "Other". How is it that Rowan Atkinson, without even trying to get you women all hot and panting for him, can successfully do so merely with a simple innocent introduction that includes a bit about eating a tuna sandwich? Heck, I could talk about eating a tuna sandwich until I'm blue in the face, but I doubt that would make any woman want to invite me over to her place for a rip-roaring shag. What is with you bloody women? Reality check, ladies! Rowan Atkinson is NOT going to show up at your doorstep so you can invite him in for a memorable shag! Instead of drooling over an unattainable celebrity (who happens to be happily married with children), why not give a regular joe like me a chance? And to those 200 women I asked out during the past year who all turned me down, THANKS FOR NOTHING!
3. Who is Rowan Atkinson?
4. It's me again. The regular joe who can't get a date. After asking out half a dozen women this evening only to have all of them turn me down, I decided to go ahead and try this tuna sandwich line. So I waited until the next good-looking woman with a decent pair of jugs on her came walking by and I tried it on her. Boy, if you ever want to see a woman give you a bug-eyed scared look, just talk to her about your experience eating a tuna sandwich. She took off real fast. Guess she doesn't like tuna sandwiches. It can't be me. I know I'm not a handsome guy, but I don't have the kind of face that would stop a clock, either. I figure she must be a lesbian. Yeah, that's it. And she must have just remembered she was supposed to meet her girlfriend somewhere. It's not easy for me to meet women. I even tried over in the Phillippines where the beautiful young women there are desperately trying to get out of that country, so they're looking for a meal ticket. But I couldn't find one who would come back home with me. Their mothers got real protective-like, but you'd think they'd want to let their daughters have a chance to live a better life somewhere else. I don't know what to do. Guess I'm doomed to be single and alone for the rest of my life. Hey, Mr. Atkinson, how about throwing some of those women over my way? You can't have any use of them, what with you being already married with children!
5. Rebuttal to the "regular joe who can't get a date": Sorry you have problems getting any woman to go out with you. But that has nothing to do with us adoring Rowan Atkinson. Why do you have a problem with women who "drool over an unattainable celebrity"? How is it any different from guys who cover their walls with pinup posters of beautiful semi-nude or nude women? At least women who adore Rowan Atkinson do so because he has so many attractive qualities: talent, wit, intelligence all packaged very nicely in a cute body and a handsome face with beautiful eyes. As long as we're not stalking him, that should be no problem. We can drool over him, dream about him, and choose to love him pure and chaste from afar. And there's nothing you can do about it. So there. N'yahh, n'yahh, n'yahh! ;-)
6. I thought I was the only one in the whole world who thought he was SO cute talking about the tuna sandwich! Nice to know I'm not alone. I've had a major crush on him since seeing him as Blackadder. Then I saw this video and I just fell head over heels in love with him when he talked about the sandwich! OOOOOOOHHHHHH, BABY!
7. Speaking of dreaming about Rowan, I did dream of him showing up on my doorstep, only I was in some alternate universe where he was really Lord Edmund Blackadder. Yeah, he was there, but so was Baldrick. I was able to send Baldrick away by telling him there was a special sale on turnips over at the supermarket and I gave him some money, so Baldrick took off to buy turnips, leaving me with Edmund. (swoon!) And yeah, I gave Edmund a most MARVELOUS shag he and I will never forget! ;-)
8. From the Jeanster: Okay, I'm going to share my RA Tuna Sandwich Fetish fantasy with you all. You've viewed the video, right? So you know how he digresses during his introduction by talking about the tuna sandwich he's just eaten? Good. So he has less than one minute before the show starts, and he introduces himself and talks about the tuna sandwich. Then he starts to head out to do the show, but he stops himself because he wants to have another sandwich, so he heads back into that room from where he emerged. And here the fantasy begins: He enters the room and I'm there sitting on a couch. (You can substitute yourself in my place, if you want to make this your fantasy.) He sees me. I look up and see him. Time outside that room stands still, literally. We cannot take our eyes off each other. I have what he wants, and I know he wants it. He knows I want it, too. He joins me on the couch. The next moments are filled with unbridled pleasure as we both take what we want. When it's over he turns to me and smiles. "That WAS celery, right?" he asks. "Of course," I reply. "That's what gives the tuna sandwich that crunchiness. Oh, better wipe that mayonnaise from your lips. You've got a show to do." "Thanks," he says as he uses his napkin. Then he leaves to go on stage. -- What? Did you think I was going to shag him right there before he has to do a show? Hey, there's a time and place for everything, you know! Even in a fantasy! ;-)
9. Yeah, he's very cute when he talks about that tuna sandwich. I love him in Blackadder, but I especially love him when he plays BAD GUYS, really mean villains in some of his movies. That's why I like it when he becomes bad in the BA Christmas Carol.
10. (From Amy the Shadow) Nice fantasy, Jeanster. But if it was MY fantasy, I wouldn't settle for just sharing a tuna sandwich with Rowan, no matter how great a sandwich it is! It would have to be (as the poor sod who can't get a date said) "a rip-roaring shag"! One he'd NEVER forget.
11. Sweet Sue: You can have the "BAD GUYS". I liked Rowan best when he played Ebenezer Blackadder before he turned bad. So naive, so sweet. Made me want to swoop down on him and plant a big wet one on those luscious lips of his. What a cutie! Oh, and yes, he's very adorable when he talks about the tuna sandwich.
12. Pardon me while I hurl. It'll be a cold day in hell before I'll ever want to eat a tuna sandwich again. (From regular joe who can't get a date)
13. Yep, "Regular Joe", that's pretty bad, when you can't even get a Filipina mail order bride! Most of 'em would marry Charles Manson to get over here. Lady Jane Pottle
14. Hi. It's me again. The regular joe who can't get a date. Yeah, I know there are plenty of guys out there who cover their walls with pinup posters of hot babes in nude or semi-nude poses. Be assured, ladies, I am NOT one of those guys. My walls are already covered with all the restraining orders I got slapped with, so there's no room for pinup posters. When I got my first restraining order from a woman I tried to date, I thought it was a joke. But the cops set me straight about that. What is it with you women? I can't even try to strike up an innocent conversation with any of you without risking getting slapped with a restraining order? Lighten up, ladies! You should be flattered when a guy notices you and compliments you on your appearance. A simple "Thank you" would be the appropriate response when a guy tells you you've got great hooters or a nice ass that begs to be squeezed.
15. Jeanster, regarding the Tuna Salad Sandwich Fetish Fantasy - bet some pickle relish or Pico de Gallo mixed in the tuna would wow him! Maybe we should open a sammich shop near his house! LJP
16. LJP, don't I wish I COULD move to England so you and I could open such a shop near his house! That's one thing the British can lord over citizens of the USA: That they have Rowan Atkinson and we don't.
17. From Jane 'Bury me in a Y-shaped coffin' Harrington: I let my husband take credit for bringing me to heights of ecstacy while we're making love. He doesn't know that I often close my eyes and imagine I'm really with Rowan as Lord Blackadder of the second series. Sometimes I imagine I'm with Rowan as Mr. Blackadder, butler to Prince George. Next time I'll imagine I'm with Rowan talking about eating the tuna sandwich. Yes, he's SO dishy when he does that. Oh, and using this technique comes in very handy during those yearly trips to the gynecologist for my annual smear. Helps me relax.
18. I'm SO out of here. Gotta hurl. (from regular joe who can't get a date)
19. Oh, goodie. We drove him away! If we're lucky, he won't be back. But if he does return with his stupid comments, I'll just add a comment to say "SOD OFF!" (Jane 'Bury me in a Y-shaped coffin' Harrington)
20. To Jane BMIAYSC Harrington - Thanks for the coup de grace in driving him away! Or was it my comment about the pickle relish? May we never know! I'll have to try that technique at the gyno - sounds more fun than counting breaths! To Jeanster: Maybe he'd hire us on as cooks! LJP
21. Look, Joe, if you want a woman, learn from women. The "Hello, let's f---" approach does not work. Part of the reason we're so hot for Rowan Atkinson is that we can't imagine him acting in such a crass way. We respond best to a man who acts as if he thinks of us as something more than just a place to park his John Thomas. "You look lovely tonight" works better as an opening gambit than "Whoa! Nice tits!" And for God's sake, stop advertising your desperation! Publicly complaining that you can't get a date almost guarantees that you won't get a date. If you want to emulate Rowan, the secret is not to talk about tuna sandwiches, but to be a gentleman. Then you'll stand a chance.
22. True, the only way "Hello, let's f___" works is if you pay her in advance. If all you care about is getting laid, there's nothing to keep you from doing so, for the right price. LJP
23. Doesn't he actually play a gyno in some movie? LJP "Oh, and using this technique comes in very handy during those yearly trips to the gynecologist for my annual smear. Helps me relax. "
24. Hi, it's me again. Regular joe who can't get a date. My car broke down, so I had to use public transportation to get to work. Rode the commute train for the first time. It was also my LAST time, and you'll see why when you finish reading this. I was filled with hope of finally meeting Miss Right when I saw all the gorgeous hot babes who ride this commute train. Wow! I figure if I asked all of them, one of them was bound to say yes. So I started from one end of the train and worked my way toward the other end. Used my best lines, but all I got were cold stares, scared looks or a few, "Go f--- yourself!" Boy, such language is NOT attractive coming from the mouths of such beautiful-looking women. Then I saw her: the lady conductor! Wow! I didn't know there were such things as LADY conductors! She was a bit on the short side, but she smelled good and her makeup was perfect, not too much, just enough to enhance her features. Then it came to me: the perfect line to use on a lady train conductor: "Hey, baby! Nice looking caboose you got!" and I winked at her as I gave her my biggest, warmest smile. "Wanna come home with me and help me wear out the springs in my mattress?" She stared at me. Some of the women passengers who turned me down came over to her, pointed at me and whispered to her. I'll bet they told her about me flirting with them. The train reached the next stop in just a couple of minutes where the lady conductor and her assistant conductor (this tall, huge strapping big guy with massive pectorals) made me get off. They told me not to ever ride this train again. What is it with women? Can't take a compliment? If she didn't want to accept my gracious invitation for a night of hot R&R, all she had to do was say, "No, thank you."
25. Hey, "regular joe", if I was that "lady train conductor", I wouldn't have bothered to wait for the train to stop before throwing you off board. Now why don't you just go SOD OFF! (From Jane 'Bury in a Y-shaped coffin' Harrington)
26. Looky here, Joe - I keep telling you - there ARE women who'd be glad to help you wear out your mattress - you just have to PAY them, that's all! They'll even gladly listen to your scintillating banter! LJP
27. So, on that note, why don't you go find an available female in the red light district (not too difficult) and leave us (and "lady train conductors") the hell alone! LJP
28. I think it's cool that Rowan appreciates a simple tuna sandwich, as opposed to demanding a lot of gourmet frou-frou stuff - that says a lot about him. LJP
29. Yeah, it says that he's so down-to-earth and real which endears him to us all the more. Adorable, isn't he? (swoon!) -- The Jeanster --
30. In answer to: "Doesn't he actually play a gyno in some movie? LJP" Rowan Atkinson does indeed play a gynaecologist in the movie Maybe Baby (Hugh Laurie's first starring role). I found a BBC film review here at: http://www.bbc.co.uk/films/2001/01/11/maybe_baby_2000_review.shtml I haven't seen that movie yet. I'll have to get the video sometime. (The Jeanster)
31. Me again. Regular joe who can't get a date. There's a new beautiful babe at work. Whooo-hoooo! She was interviewed on Friday and she'll start on Monday. And she's HOT! She'll have to see me about getting supplies for her workstation because I'm in charge of dispensing the office supplies. That'll be my chance to introduce myself and make a good impression on her. I think I'll place the items she'll most likely need on the bottom shelves. That way I'll get a really great view of her cute rear end when she bends down to get them. I did that with the sexual harassment forms: put them in the bottom drawer of the cabinet. For some reason I get a lot of women coming over to get those forms. Wonder why that is. Oh, my supervisor told me I need to report to the director of Human Resources first thing on Monday morning. I hope whatever it is he needs to see me about won't take long. I want to get back in time to see the new hot babe who starts on Monday. Her name is Tasha and she's gorgeous!
32. Sweet Sue: Have you seen Rat Race? I love Rowan's character Enrico Pollini! That sweet-natured, adorable Italian! When he fell asleep and stayed upright while snoozing away, I just wanted to give him great big hug. He's SO cute!
33. From Jane 'Bury me in a Y-shaped coffin' Harrington: Hey, "regular joe who can't get a date"! What part of SOD OFF did you NOT understand, you thickheaded, clueless Neanderthal! Why are you still posting your dumbass comments here?! Go AWAY! I hope you get jumped in an alley by a bunch of big, strong lesbian bikers who will kick the crap out of you, you %$#*@!!!
34. (From Amy the Shadow) Wow. That's telling him, Jane. Hey, "regular joe", get a clue. You and your stupid comments are NOT welcome here. So clear out and don't come back. Understand?
35. Hey, Sweet Sue, are you as cute as your name? Where do you live? Maybe you and me can hook up for a rip-roaring shag and you can show me just how sweet you are! From the regular joe who can't get a date (but who hopes to be able to change that). P.S. To make it real exciting, why don't we invite Jane BMIAYSC Harrington and Amy the Shadow to join us? I've always wanted to do it with a group of hot babes! Assuming that you are indeed hot babes. If you're not, then forget it.
36. From Jane 'Bury in a Y-shaped coffin' Harrington: Hey, "regular joe", you better hope I never find out who you really are or where you live, because if I ever do I will personally kick the crap out of you! Never mind waiting for a bunch of lesbian bikers to do it! I'll do it myself, you %$#*@!!! And if that 'lady train conductor' and her assistant want to kick the crap out of you, too, they'll have to take a number! The very thought of doing ANYTHING resembling a shag with YOU makes me want to HURL! You dumbass!
37. (From Amy the Shadow) Hey, "regular joe", is there air conditioning in that cave of yours? You are SUCH a Neanderthal! No, wait! Your attitude and behavior would make a Neanderthal cringe with embarrassment FOR you! And just for your information, I DO happen to be a 'HOT BABE', not that it will ever matter to you, you moronic, lamebrain, monkeyass CREEP!
38. I sure hope this isn't Rowan posting under an alias and tweaking the hell out of us! Have my doubts, tho', unless he's afflicted with MPD. LJP (Lady Jane Pottle)
39. Thinking about how Rowan appreciates a simple tuna sandwich made me remember the story of his first date with the woman who is now his wife. It allegedly took 15 minutes for him to speak to her, asking her to pass the ketchup. He was famous by then - and still ate at places with ketchup bottles on the table! That's cool! LJP
40. From the Jeanster: Hey, LJP, that IS a cool story! Is that from a book somewhere? The only books I have are about Blackadder (Cunning and BA The Whole Damn Dynasty). I don't have any that are biographical ones of Rowan.
41. Hi all! It's Scarlett from the board. That ketchup story was in the (I think) Bean There, Done That book and the biography by Bruce Dessau simply titled Rowan Atkinson. These comments do make for a good read, :), you were right! Like I said on the board, I am so glad that it's not just me that loves his tuna monologue. Yay! Rowan's dishy! [duh] Cheery bye, Scarlett
42. Welcome to this comments page, Scarlett! Great to have you! And thanks for the information on which book has that ketchup story. Hey, aren't these comments something? Duck down, dearie, so you don't get hit by any sharp or hard objects Jane or Amy might be throwing toward "regular joe"! What kind of clueless moron is he? Or is he just tweaking us? As the Gear Manager and Web Mistress, I suppose I could just delete his stupid comments, but like you say, they do make for a good read! (From the Jeanster)
43. Jeanster - Don't delete the troll's comments, they ARE an entertaining read if you don't take them personally. Scarlett -
44. I have only "Bean There Done That" - haven't seen the other biography, is it any good? LJP
45. Now I'll HAVE to rent that tape to see it myself! I'd recorded RA Live from Fox several years ago, but it being network television, it was "edited" all to hell. LJP
46. LJP, did they leave in the introduction with the tuna sandwich bit? I'll bet they edited out the parts where Rowan uses the "F" word in some of his sketches. (The Jeanster)
47. Me again. Regular joe who can't get a date. Poor Tasha. First day on the job and she threw up! Wait, let me backtrack and tell you what happened at the beginning of the workday. There was a note on my desk from my supervisor reminding me that I'm supposed to report to the director of Human Resources first thing. So I did. My supervisor was already in the director's office. So were two security guards. And the director of Human Resources. Bottom line is I got SACKED! Can you believe it? They showed me the tiny video camera I had hidden in the women's restroom months ago and the set of videotapes I made. This on top of all the complaints they received from various women claiming that I would brush up against them and claim it was accidental. And the complaints from my hot-looking female coworkers who I sent Christmas cards to with homemade gift certificates enclosed good for "one all-over body massage". The director handed me my final paycheck. Then my (former) supervisor and the two security guards escorted me back to my desk so I could clean out my personal belongings. They wanted me out TODAY. So as I was putting my personal stuff into a large box they gave me, I noticed Tasha the hot new babe who started work today. My (former) supervisor was showing her the area where we keep the office supplies. I heard them talking. It turns out Tasha was being given MY job! I was so shocked! Then I knew what to do. What did I have to lose? I ran over to Tasha, grabbed her and planted a big wet kiss on those beautiful luscious lips of hers! My (former) supervisor and the two security guards rushed over and pried me away from Tasha. Tasha started coughing and shaking. Then she turned around and threw up into a nearby wastebasket. I think she must have a case of stomach flu. She looked sick. I noticed everyone staring at me. The guards made me finish packing my stuff. Then they walked me out of the building. So I'm at home now. Guess I'll search through the classifieds for a new job. Wish me luck.
48. Jeanster - The Fox presentation didn't have the tuna sandwich bit :-( And, by the way, I tried clicking on your Tuna Sandwich Day link and it just goes to a blank screen with some wallpaper - no words ever come up. Stupid netscape! LJP
49. From Jane 'Bury me in a Y-shaped coffin' Harrington: Hey "regular joe who can't get a date (or keep a job)"! Sure I'll wish you luck! ALL BAD! You need a psychiatrist! Preferably one who will examine you and then prescribe for you ONE GOOD RIP-ROARING ASS-KICKING! Chances are Tasha would be more than happy to fill that prescription for you!
50. Hi, LJP. I have Microsoft Internet Explorer. The Tuna Sandwich Day page pulled up just fine using that. Can you get to a different computer that does have MS Explorer instead of Netscape? (Jeanster)
51. (From Amy the Shadow) Hey, "regular joe", I hate to kick someone when he's down, but in your case I'm willing to make an exception. Your Neanderthal attitude and stupidity are to blame for your downfall. Get some help, because you really need it, you dumbass.
52. (From the Jeanster, July 15, 2002) Back in January of this year I wrote a fan letter to Rowan, not expecting any reply, as I know he has millions of fans worldwide. Lo and behold, what do I find in my mailbox today? It was a tan envelope with no return address, postmarked London 10.07.02 with my name and address hand-printed on the envelope. It was a photocard of Rowan as Mr. Bean, and a form letter from PBJ Management Ltd. Wow! I know it's not a personally signed and dedicated photograph, but I'm just tickled pink that I received a reply at all from my letter! I'm going to frame the photo card and hang it on my wall! Hurrah!
53. Well hurrah, with a ying and a yang and a yippity do! LJP
54. Sweet Sue: I'm so happy for you that you received that picture of Rowan, Jeanster! I've thought of writing to him, but figured he'd never read it since he must receive tons of fan mail. And a side note to Jane BMIAYSC Harrington and Amy the Shadow: I think "regular joe" gets a thrill from replies to his comments. Maybe the best thing to do is to simply ignore him. But that's just my opinion. You do whatever you like.
55. Me again. Regular joe who can't get a date and just got sacked. Ignore me? Hey, Sweet Sue, don't do that! I'm in a real bad place now, what with no job and no prospective girlfriends! After getting sacked today I went home. A few hours later I needed to rush over to the doctor (and me without health coverage since I lost my benefits after getting sacked!) because I freaked when I noticed my willie had turned orange! The doctor asked me if I handle any chemicals at work, and I told him no, and that I just lost my job today, and I had spent the afternoon at home watching porno movies and eating Cheetos.
56. (From Mrs. Applebottom) This creepy guy (regular joe) sounds a lot like someone in another department of the company where I work. But it can't be the same guy because he hasn't been fired (yet). And, yes, I love this video, including the tuna sandwich bit. He's a cutie-patootie.
57. (From Jessica, a high school junior) My friends and I had to check out this page when we heard about "regular joe". Is this guy for real? Our boyfriends (after they were finished laughing) think there's no way this can be a real person. How can anyone be so mind-numbingly stupid and clueless? Oh, and about Rowan Atkinson, a few of the girls here do find him attractive, and some of us like him, but not THAT way. He's a great entertainer, and we love his Mr. Bean shows.
58. I can't help but like Rowan THAT way! Lady Jane Pottle (LJP)
59. So, Irregular Joe likes to watch porn, eat cheetos, and whack off reading our comments? Takes all kinds! LJP
60. (From the Jeanster) Message to "regular joe . . .": As the Gear Manager and Web Mistress, I'm giving you notice to refrain from posting anymore of your creepy comments. It's getting really old, so if you can't share anything relevant to the topic of what this page is really about, then go find some other site to visit. Your last comment was WAY more information than what I needed to know.
61. *tip-toeing in real timid-like* Uh, it's me again. Regular joe who can't get a date and who got sacked from the office. Just wanted to put your minds at ease so you won't worry about me. I WAS able to get a new job thanks to my brother who owns some land where he boards horses. He's paying me to clean the stables. So you ladies don't have to worry about me ending up on the streets with no roof over my head and nothing to eat. I start my new job today. Wish me luck.
62. (From the Jeanster) So you're shoveling dung?Congrats. That's a job that took Baldrick YEARS to work up to. Now mind your manners and don't be such a moronic creep around the customers. That also goes for your behavior while posting comments here on my page.
63. Me again. Regular joe who can't get a date and is now cleaning up after horses. I'm so tired! Cleaning stables is hard work. My brother is letting me use his computer here in the office during my lunch hour to check my e-mail and stuff. He's got a nice setup here what with the cushy office, the gift shop filled with horse-lovers items like Breyer horses, stationery, mugs, etc. Then there's the horseback riding lessons and boarding of the horses. He makes a good living. Some of the customers here who met me today asked us which one of us is the adopted brother because we're nothing alike. He's got all the good looks, the smarts, the money and girlfriends galore. And me, well, you know about me from my comments here. Gotta get back to work now. The horse dung awaits.
64. (from Nurse Mary) Congratulations, Joe. Shoveling dung, I see? It must feel good to exert that sort of superiority over your former peers. Just don't get too wrapped up in your new-found glory to forget what few manners you have.
65. (From Hank) Not to take the spotlight away from "regular joe", but I'd like to put in my two cents' worth here about this videotape and the introduction that includes the bit about the tuna sandwich. I love my wife Sandi. She's a terrific person. But sometimes weeks or even months go by between the times we have sex. She says it's because she's tired. I work full-time and she's a stay-at-home wife and mother. We have three young children ages 3, 6 an 8. Okay, I suppose I could help out around the house more. Okay, help out around the house PERIOD. Yeah, I don't lift a finger around the house. But I figure it's her job to clean the house and take care of the kids, just like it's my job to bring home the paycheck. Anyway, we've never seen this videotape before until last night. I rented the video (because I was curious after reading all your comments) and we lay in bed watching it. After the introduction and just before the first sketch, Sandi takes the remote control from me and stops the tape, rewinds it and plays the introduction again. I asked her why she's doing that and she goes, "Shhh! I want to see this part again." I watch her as she's staring at the TV screen. Now, I suspect there must be some subliminal message hidden in this video that makes the female viewers get all ga-ga over Rowan Atkinson. Sandi was smiling and sighing and seemed to be breathing more deeply as she watched and listened to Rowan talking about that tuna sandwich. Then she stopped the tape, turned off the TV and said, "We can watch the rest later, honey. Let's have sex." I'm shocked, but not wanting to look a gift horse in the mouth, I said, "Okay!" and we did it. But during the sex, I noticed Sandi kept her eyes closed the whole time. And when I started to say anything, she would shush me and say, "Don't talk. Just f*** me!" Now I don't know whether to be grateful to Rowan Atkinson or jealous. It's like Sandi was using me for sex while pretending I was him! Well, that's all I wanted to say here. Now you can go on with your comments about how cute and sexy you think Rowan is, and "regular joe" can go on and on about his life.
66. Oh, Gods! Another one! Where do these GITS come from? LJP
67. (From the Jeanster) I wonder if Hank and Sandi ever got to watch the rest of the video.
68. Dunno. Maybe Sandi's become a fan now and we'll be hearing from her soon. LJP
69. (From the Jeanster) Hey, LJP, if Sandi ever does see this page and reads the comments, do you think she'll get mad that Hank posted all that information about their sex life? Hooo-boy! For Hank's sake, I hope he used fake names for themselves!
70. (From Hank) Just got a call at work from Sandi. She returned the videotape to Blockbuster. Then she bought a copy of it for us to KEEP. I asked her why, and she said likes it enough to add a copy to our home video library. Oh, man! Why doesn't she just admit it?! She's got the hots for Rowan just because of that tuna sandwich monologue! Oh, well. Guess I shouldn't complain because I think I might get sex from her again tonight.
71. (From Maribelle) Hello, everyone. I work in the gift shop owned by regular joe's brother who also owns the stables where he boards horses and the arena where he gives horseback riding lessons. I found this page and all the (to put it mildly) interesting comments from scanning the history of sites "regular joe" accessed during his use of the office computer yesterday. Yikes! I had a feeling "regular joe" was a few sandwiches short of a picnic, but I didn't know just how slimy and demented he really is! A 100% track record for getting turned down by women, including Filipina mail order brides?! I guess I shouldn't be surprised. I overheard my boss tell "regular joe" he's not to fraternize with any of the female clients and customers, and to behave professionally. At the end of his first day on the job "regular joe" asked his brother if he could work with me in the gift shop instead of cleaning the stables. I'm so glad he was told NO. I don't think I could take 8 hours a day of working with that weirdo! If my boss had told "regular joe" yes, I would have threatened to quit. Anyway, I haven't seen that videotape of Rowan, but I know where I can rent a copy. Toodles! I'm almost done with my lunch hour, so it's back to work. There's a new shipment of Breyer horses to unpack.
72. HANK! HOW COULD YOU????!!!! (From Sandi)
73. Hey, Hank - be sure to thank Rowan Atkinson for your renewed sex life! Somebody here has his mailing addy! LJP
74. I have Bruce Dessau's book "Bean There Done That", but not his biography of Rowan. Does anyone here have it? Does the biography have any tidbits that "Bean There" doesn't? Many thanks! LJP
75. (From the Jeanster) Oopsie. Looks like Sandi is less than thrilled to see that Hank has posted all that stuff about their sex life here on this site! I guess Hank won't be getting any from her for sometime! Not until she's ready to forgive him.
76. (From the Jeanster) Yes, Hank. You can write to Rowan to thank him at: Rowan Atkinson c/o Thames Television International Teddington Studios, Teddington Lock Middlesex, TW11 9NT, U.K.
77. (From Maribelle) I feel like such a heel about those mean things I posted about "regular joe"! Guess what happened at work today?! While cleaning one of the stables, he forgot one of the cardinal rules around here: Never stand BEHIND a horse because you never know when it might give a mighty kick! Sure enough, "regular joe" got kicked in the head and was knocked out cold! He's in the hospital now. His brother is keeping us posted on his condition. Maybe he'll suffer some brain damage. Who knows?
78. (From Jane 'Bury me in a Y-shaped coffin' Harrington) Brain damage? How will you be able to tell? Okay, okay, yeah, that was really hitting below the belt. We hope "regular joe" recovers. The dumbass.
79. Hi Maribelle, Lady Jane Pottle here. You haven't told us anything we couldn't have already guessed, so don't feel guilty. Maybe that kick in the head will affect a personality change - and be an improvement! We can only hope... LJP
80. I hope Sandi milks it for all it's worth! Make ol' Hanky boy wait on her hand and foot, clean the house, do the cooking, watch the kids, and bring her pina coladas while she puts her feet up and watches Rowan Atkinson Live! LJP "Who's Queen???"
81. To Jeanster: I clicked on your Tuna Sandwich Day link today and was able to view the page - yippy! (Don't know what the deal was before.) Too bad we don't know Rowan's cook's email addy - we'd send this to him/her! LJP
82. (From Sandi) Who is Queen? I am, thanks to your suggestion, LJP! I was so furious with Hank that I couldn't think straight, so I didn't know how to get back at him. When I read your comment, a bell went off inside my head. I showed him what you wrote, and he's agreed to take a week off from work to do all that stuff. He has some vacation days saved up, so he'll use that to wait on me hand and foot, etc. Boy, am I going to love it! Thanks, LJP!
83. (From Amy the Shadow) Not that it's any of my business, but I'm just curious. Sandi, are you still going to have sex with Hank, and were you really pretending he was Rowan while you two were doing it? Hey, if you were, I'll bet you're not the only woman in the world who's ever done that! Shagging Rowan is one of my all-time favorite fantasies!
84. (From the Jeanster) LJP, I'm glad you were able to view the Tuna Sandwich Day site.
85. (From Hank) Thanks a lot, LJP! I was planning to use my vacation to get away with some of the guys for an extended golf game and leave Sandi home to take care of the kids and the house. But now that's totally shot!
86. (From Sandi) To Amy the Shadow: You're right. It's not any of your business. But since that idiotic husband of mine went and blabbed about our sex life here on the Internet, what's the point of my trying to keep any of it private? So I'm going to answer your questions. I wasn't sure how long I was going to make Hank wait before letting him have sex with me again. Then I decided to have him service me and tell him that if resents it when I pretend to be shagging Rowan, that's tough s**t! And he'd better satisfy me well, like pork me within an inch of my life because that's how I'd like to imagine a rip-roaring shag with Rowan would be like. So, yes, I was indeed pretending Hank was Rowan. If you were married to Hank, I'd bet you'd do that, too.
87. (From Amy the Shadow) Gee, I wonder how "regular joe" is doing. Is he still knocked out, like unconscious? If he never pulls out of it, guess we can chalk it up to nature's way of thinning out the herd. Yeah, yeah, Maribelle, I know I sound like a bitch with a heart made of stone, but face it. The guy's a moronic, lamebrain, monkeyass creep, and I for one don't miss his stupid comments going on and on about how he can't get a date and his lamebrain attempts to worm his way into the lives of women. The dumbass.
88. (From Sweet Sue) I didn't care for the comments from "regular joe" anymore than you did, Amy. But I do hope he recovers because I'd like to believe there's good in him, just like there's good in every person. We just haven't seen that side of him.
89. (From Amy the Shadow) Maybe you have a point, Sweet Sue. After all, his brother cared enough about him to give him a job. Although I'm certain there is at least one person on earth who has absolutely NO GOOD in him: Osama bin Laden. Total pure evil in the son of a bitch. I don't believe there's ANY good in him at all, and may he burn in hell.
90. Wow, man! Looks like we've got our own soap opera going, here! Will Regular Joe regain consciousness? Will he be a NEW MAN? Will Hank ever live down his internet indiscretion? Tune in tomorrow to the next episode of "The Young and the Gormless"! LJP
91. (From Maribelle) Update on regular joe. Just heard from my boss. His brother has regained consciousness in the hospital. But he has amnesia and can't remember who he is or anything about his life. The doctor wants to keep him there awhile for observation.
92. (From Sandi) That Hank! Yesterday he stayed home from work, cleaned the house, bathed and fed the kids, did the grocery shopping, and cooked our meals while I took it easy watching videos of Rowan. Afterward when I wanted Hank to service me (give me a rip-roaring shag while I pretend he's Rowan), he was too tired! As soon as he got into bed he was out like a light!
93. Tired? Now, why on EARTH would he be tired? Bwwwwaaaaaaaahhhhh! LJP
94. (From Maribelle) Update on regular joe. My boss (let's call him 'Brad' to protect his true identity) says his brother still can't remember who he is or anything about his life before he got kicked in the head by that horse. Brad has this plan he wants to implement, but I'm strongly against it because I believe it could backfire horribly, but he's my boss, so I'll go along with it. Brad says so far regular joe has been a perfect gentlemen around women since regaining consciousness. He hasn't tried harassing any of the female nurses or doctors. Brad says this his brother's chance to start with a clean slate. But I feel regular joe's already alienated so much of the female population, that one of those women who he harassed is bound to cross paths with him sometime and know something's amiss. Anyway, Brad's already gone into his brother's apartment to check his mail, water his plants and he took down all of those restraining orders that covered the walls and filed them into a drawer. Regular joe is scheduled to check out of the hospital sometime next week. I have a bad feeling about this. What if regular joe regains his memory one day? If he's going to be back to his old self, I'd rather it be now rather than be surprised about it at some unknown time in the future.
95. *from SaRa* hi all! wow i've been reading all the past comments, and boy have i missed out! tee hee!
96. (From Maribelle) Update on regular joe: He still has amnesia, but today the hospital is going to release him into his brother's care. You know HMOs. It costs them money for each day he stays in the hospital, so they want him out. They figure since he's physically able to move around and function, there's no need to keep him in the hospital. My boss is going to let him work here in the gift shop with me. AAAGGGHHH! But so far he's exhibited no signs of his weird, stupid, clueless behavior that he had before he got kicked in the head by that horse. So I'll keep him busy with sweeping, dusting, counting the inventory, and whatever simple tasks I can think of assiging to him. And my boss will reiterate to him that he is not to fraternize with the female customers/clients and to behave in a professional manner during working hours.
97. (From Jeanster) Hi, everyone. Just checking in to see what's new here. I've been busy over at the Rotten Tomatoes forum. That's where you can discuss movies. Hey, anyone seen the new Austin Powers movie? I love that cute little Mini-Me! 'Bye for now.
98. Austin Powers 3 was so great! i loved nigel powers' car ;c)
that last comment was from me btw..*SaRa*
99. (From Jeanster) Oh, yes, SaRa. Regarding Nigel Powers' car. Remember when he said, "It's not size that counts, it's what you can do with it." Or something like that. Didn't that remind you of what Ebenezer Blackadder said to Baldrick when he showed him the Christmas twig? Baldrick says, "It's a bit of a tiddler, ain't it?" And Blackadder replies, "Yes, but size isn't important, my friend -- it's not what you've got; it's where you stick it. [sticks the twig into an empty candle stand]
100. (From Amy the Shadow) I saw AP3. Don't like Goldmember, but I enjoyed seeing Dr. Evil and cute little Mini-Me. But they never explained what happened to Felicity Shagwell.
101. (From the Jeanster) SaRa, you MUST visit this page to see and hear Mini-Me (and others) dance: http://www.tvdance.com/austinpowers2/ It's so cute!
102. *from sara* that austin powers dancing site is great! LOL!
103. *from SaRa again* yeah you're right, amy. they never did say what happened to her..at least with vanessa kensington they had her explode and that was that. maybe felicity was a fembot too..altho i doubt it..
104. From Lady Jane Pottle - Sorry, guys, but I find Austin Powers absolutely repulsive! I sat through the first one and that was enough for me! Different strokes, I guess...Gimme Rowan ANY day!
105. (From Maribelle) I'm so angry that I can't see straight! I don't know if regular joe was just faking his amnesia or not, but I so very want to kick the crap out of him! Anyone want to join me? We could make a party out of it, just kicking the crap out of him! Okay, let me regain my composure so I can explain what happened. My boss let his brother regular joe work with me in the gift shop. So I put him to work sweeping the floor and dusting the shelves. Simple stuff like that. This morning he reported for work. I told him that I needed him to dust the shelves and straighten up the display items because it looked untidy. Guess what he said? "So what? I need a blowjob and a good f*ck." I was so shocked that I just stared at him in disbelief. I picked up the phone to call my boss. Regular joe grabbed the phone from me and said, "So shall we f*ck now or later?" I screamed and gave him a hard kick in the groin. He fell down while crying out in pain and I ran out of the gift shop toward my boss's office. Brad was there and I told him everything. He went to the gift shop where his brother was still on the floor moaning in pain from that groin kick I gave him. They talked. Afterward Brad fired him. I'm so relieved, but I'm still shaking.
106. Bitch can't take a joke. (From regular joe who can't get a date or a good f*ck)
107. (From Amy the Shadow to Regular Joe) You need to be locked up in a mental institution. Preferably one that gives the patients high voltages of shock treatment.
108. (From Maribelle) Omigosh! Brad caught regular joe setting fire to the stables! I can't believe he would commit arson! The smoke alarms went off and set off the sprinklers, so fortunately the damage isn't as bad as it could have been. He must have really wanted to get back at Brad for firing him. The other stable hands moved quickly to let the horses loose in case the fire couldn't be contained, so there was this huge stampede of spooked horses. And guess what? Brad chased regular joe, then regular joe stepped on a rake, it flew up and whacked him in the head, regular joe fell down and got trampled by the horses rushing out of the stables! Between Brad, the stable hands and myself, we were able to round up the horses and put them in a corral. The fire department arrived to make sure the fire was completely out. They called for an ambulance to take regular joe to the hospital because he got trampled pretty badly. Brad went with him to check on his condition.
109. (From Lady Jane Pottle) So, if regular joe is still alive, once his sorry ass is out of the hospital, Brad will prosecute, I trust? Good thing the horses were loosed - add cruelty to animals to all his other sterling qualities.
110. (From Sandi) Hi, everyone. Just popping to say hello. Well, now that Hank realizes how tough it is to maintain a well-run household with three young children, he's agreed to help out more around the house. Thank goodness he's seen the light.
111. From Jane 'Bury me in a Y-shaped coffin' Harrington: I'm very happy for you, Sandi. What does your husband do for a living? It must be a very demanding job, if he felt it entitled him to not lift a finger around the house during the past few years.
112. (From Sandi) Hank works as an assistant in the District Attorney's office. He told me this morning they were going to work on a case to prosecute a suspected arsonist, but then it turned out the suspect died in the hospital. That's one less case he'll have to deal with.
113. From Jane 'Bury me in a Y-shaped coffin' Harrington: Oh, my gawd! Do you think maybe . . . ? Naw! We couldn't be THAT lucky!
114. (From Lady Jane Pottle) It's a small world after all, it's a small world after all, it's a small world after all, it's a small, small world! Congrats on finally getting him trained, Sandi! I got a Blockbusters gift card from my brother on my birthday last week, so I ordered Rowan Atkinson Live. It should be here in about a week - I'll finally get to see the tuna salad segment ya'll are going on about, AND Nobody Named Jones - I've yet to see that one, even the "clean" version.
115. (From Maribelle) Well, it's been a few days since the funeral. There was a much bigger turnout than I expected. Who would have thought there would be so many women to pay their respects at the funeral of Brad's brother Regular Joe? I found out later they were all women who had restraining orders served on him. I think they attended the service so they could make sure he was really dead. They took turns dancing on his grave afterward. Poor Brad. His parents, especially his mother, made him feel guilty about what happened. "You don't turn your back on family!" she screamed at him. I think she was referring to when Brad fired his brother. Kind of ironic how he got trampled to death by the horses who would have died in the fire he set when he tried to burn down the stables.
116. (From Lady Jane Pottle) Believe it or not, it was less than a week ago when I first saw the tuna sandwich monologue - I rented the tape from Blockbuster, and don't have to return it until Saturday, so I've been watching it every day. At the very end of the tape, after all the credits, it turns out Rowan had stolen Angus Deayton's tuna sandwich, he liked them so much! Angus asked about it and Rowan was trying to look so innocent! Naughty boy!
117. Wow! Who would have thought that Toby has Internet access down here???!!! I can't stay online long, because I'll be a goner if he finds me using his computer. Wait a second. What can he possibly do to me? I'm already dead! Anyway, just a quick note to say hi. Guess my brother was right. I do have an Internet addiction. Here I am risking my well-being (? but I'm already dead!) by sneaking into the Devil's office to use his computer so I can check my favorite sites! Hey, I just had a thought. Maybe I'll have better luck down here than I did when I was alive in scoring a date! By the way, ladies. It might interest you to know that Toby DOES bear an uncanny resemblance to Rowan Atkinson. He even sounds like him. Spooky, huh? Oh, no! Someone's coming! I gotta sign off--- AAAAAGGGGGHHHH!******* Hello. Toby here. You won't be hearing anymore from this pathetic fellow who had the nerve to break into my office and use my computer. I'm going to personally see to it that he suffers unspeakable torment throughout eternal damnation. Oh, and about this Rowan Atkinson fellow who looks like me: Fine chap. I only regret I'll never have the pleasure of welcoming him here down in my territory. The Big Guy Upstairs will eventually be receiving Mr. Atkinson when his time comes. I have it on the highest authority, so you can believe me. And as for whether or not I'll be seeing any of YOU, well, that's entirely up to you, isn't it? Hee-hee-hee.
118. (Lady Jane Pottle a/k/a Mad Geraldine) Regular Joe will get eternal damnation WITHOUT relief, right?
119. Yes, that's right, Lady Jane. WITHOUT relief. I'm making "Regular Joe", as you call him, write that 500 times on the wall using his own blood. That idiot had the nerve to relieve himself in the corner of my office before he booted up my computer! I think I'll have him gang-banged by a group of Hell's Angels who arrived here last week. I'll make sure they know to be especially rough with him. I want to hear him scream. (Toby)
120. (Lady Jane Pottle a/k/a Mad Geraldine) You go for it, Toby! Make him suffer!