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Jeanster's Fan Fiction Blog
Sunday, 29 August 2004
Getting Answers from Gollum, Austin Powers Style
DISCLAIMER: I don't own The Lord of the Rings and/or Austin Powers.

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FIRST ORC TORTURING GOLLUM: Who has the Ring?

GOLLUM: I'ssss neversss tellssss! Neverssss!

FIRST ORC: WHO HAS THE RING?

GOLLUM: Youssss canssss torturesss meeee, but Gollum will neversss tellsss!

FIRST ORC: WHO HAS THE RING?

GOLLUM: BAGGINS!

SECOND ORC: That was easy. Why'd you tell?

GOLLUM: Gollumsss hatesss to hearsss questionssss three timesssss!

FIRST ORC: Where is Baggins?

GOLLUM: I'sss neversss tellsss! Neversss!

FIRST ORC: Oh, now do I REALLY have to ask you two more times?

GOLLUM: Goessss to Hell!

FIRST ORC: Fine! WHERE IS BAGGINS?

GOLLUM: My lipsssss are sealed!

SECOND ORC: Ah-ha! He asked you three times! You have to tell!

First Orc smiles in agreement.

GOLLUM (amazingly loses his sssss as he explains): No, no! The first question was 'Where is Baggins?' Then you asked 'Oh, now do I REALLY have to ask you two more times?' That opens up a whole new line of questioning that doesn't count toward the first line of questioning!

SECOND ORC: You know, he's right.

FIRST ORC: Damn!

Posted by tv2/jeanster at 7:09 PM PDT
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