Those Blasted Shippers and Slashers
Title: Those Blasted Shippers and Slashers
Author: Jeanster (who herself is a slasher)
Fandom: Sherlock Holmes in the 22nd Century
Category: Humor
Rating: FRT ? Fan Rated Suitable For Teenagers
Feedback: Yes, please
Author's Note: Where I poke fun at one of my own slash pieces
Disclaimer: I do not own Sherlock Holmes in the 22nd Century.

**************
Chapter One
**************

Moriarty had just finished beating Fenwick to within an inch of his life. Satisfied that his henchman was indeed telling him the truth, Moriarty released him.

"Very well, Fenwick. I am convinced that this document on the Internet was not written by you under a pseudonym.?

?How could you ever think that for a moment that I would betray you, Master?? said Fenwick.

?I had to be sure. You understand, don?t you? It looks so much like a plot you could use against me, and I certainly cannot allow that to happen.?

?Master, I swear to you that I am and always will be loyal to you!? said Fenwick.

Moriarty nodded and turned his attention to the computer screen. He read again this document that he had found so disturbing. He had come across it accidentally while searching the Internet for new ways to destroy Sherlock Holmes.

What he stumbled upon shocked him: the world of fan fiction.

One tale in particular disturbed him. It described Moriarty and Holmes being held prisoner in a cage and forced to engage in homosexual relations, or be killed. And in this tale Fenwick was the one behind it.

So naturally, the professor had to question Fenwick if he knew anything about this.

Moriarty decided something had to be done about these pieces of fan fiction.

It is time to call a truce, he thought.

He grabbed his coat and headed out the door of his lair, leaving Fenwick behind to convalesce.

Sherlock Holmes was very surprised to find his enemy Professor Moriarty paying him a visit at 221B Baker Street.

?A truce, if you please,? said Moriarty waving a white handkerchief.

?Why should I trust you?? asked Holmes. Watson stood beside ready if his help was required.

?I can understand your skepticism, Holmes. But this is something that must be stopped, and I need your help.?

Holmes paused and stared at Moriarty.

?You have piqued my interest,? said Holmes. ?Very well, Moriarty. Have a seat. Tell me everything.?

"It will be easier if I show you. Please log on to the Internet here at your computer."

Within minutes Moriarty showed Holmes various links to the fan fiction pieces he found most disturbing, namely the slash ones pairing Holmes with Moriarty.

Moriarty watched Holmes' face for a reaction as the detective read the story.

"Outrageous, isn't it, Holmes? We have to put a stop to this!"

"Moriarty, you have come to me at a time when I am already dealing with a problem I am having as a result of fan fiction."

"You are? What kind?"

"I refer to the kind written by what is known as 'shippers'. I did not know about these until about a month ago when Inspector Lestrade's behavior toward me changed."

"Changed in what way??

"It began in subtle ways, like when she would brush up against me. Or she would pick imaginary lint from my coat while I was wearing it. The frequency of those questionable physical contacts increased within a week. She invited me out to dinner several times, but I declined."

"How is all that tied in with the 'shippers' you mentioned?"

"They planted the seed in her mind to pursue a relationship with me of a romantic and intimate nature. One day she showed me links to where people posted fan fiction pairing me with her. I found them to be most disturbing. But she liked them and asked me if I thought we'd make a cute couple. I almost gagged right there in front of her."

"You don't fancy Lestrade?"

"Good heavens, no. Any feelings I have for her are strictly professional. Lestrade is a colleague, nothing more. She is not the type of woman I would choose to involve myself with as a potential girlfriend or wife. There is no chemistry between us due to her snarky and annoying ways."

"Well, you know her better than I do. But let?s get back to this slash that I have shown you. What are we to do about it?"

"May I interject here, gentlemen?" asked Watson.

Holmes and Moriarty turned to the compudroid who had been quiet all during this time.

"Of course, Watson," said Holmes.

"I don't see why you should let a mere handful of amateur writers of fan fiction bother you. They are simply using it as an outlet to fulfill their fantasies. What is the harm in that?"

"Watson, weren't you paying attention? Lestrade's romantic pursuit towards me was started when she read some of those 'shipper' fanfics."

"But they're not responsible for how Lestrade chooses to behave as a result of reading those stories. She's responsible for her own behavior. We should focus on that."

"So you don't see any problem whatsoever with fan fiction?" Moriarty asked Watson.

"No. I certainly do not."

"What about the slash ones that pair up you with Holmes?"

Watson stared at Moriarty.

"Show me."

Moriarty pulled up a link to an archive of some very hot and graphic Holmes/Watson slash.

"Good heavens! I had no idea these existed!" cried Watson.

"Disturbing, aren't they?" asked Moriarty.

Watson did not reply as he scanned the slash site for a few minutes.

"Watson? Watson?" asked Holmes.

"Oh, excuse me. Yes, fascinating indeed, this, er, slash," said Watson.

Is this compudroid blushing? Moriarty stared at Watson and wondered.

***********
To Be Continued

Latest completed fic
My latest completed fic is Fan Rated Suitable For Adults Only, so it can be found at Adult Fanfiction.Net.

VERY adult, so read it only if you are an adult mature enough to handle such content.

The Unofficial Aftermath of the 1978 Dawn of the Dead
Title: The Unofficial Aftermath of the 1978 Dawn of the Dead
Author: Jeanster
Fandoms: Captain Scarlet/Dawn of the Dead (1978)/X-Men crossover
Disclaimer: I do not own the Captain Scarlet TV series and/or George Romero's Dawn of the Dead movie and or Marvel Comics' X-Men.

*****

What the Mysteron saw on his most recent visit to the third rock from the sun shocked him. Flesh-eating walking dead were attacking the people of Earth. If left unchecked the entire population would become extinct.

The Mysteron?s purpose of these visits to Earth was to observe and not interfere in the natural order of things. But what he saw here made him question that practice.

A plan began to form in his mind. He knew what he had to do.

Being invisible allowed the Mysteron to move about Earth without being noticed or attacked by the walking dead.

He needed a form to assume, preferably one of a human possessing great courage and strength.

The Mysteron used his telepathic ability to scan the thoughts and memories of some people he sensed were in the shopping mall.

He found the perfect subject.

A young warrior lay dying in the arms of his friend. The Mysteron read their thoughts. A montage of images revealed to the Mysteron the brave deeds of this young fair-haired one named Roger.

When Roger died the Mysteron assumed his form outside of the shopping mall. He became Roger complete with his memories and thoughts and replicated perfectly down to the strands of his DNA. He was dressed in a dark blue S.W.A.T. uniform and carried a gun.

(We will refer to the Mysteron as Roger during the rest of this story, now that he has taken his form. ~ the Author)

Three zombies saw Roger and headed toward him. Roger aimed for their heads and fired three shots with precision. They fell to the ground.

He found an abandoned car with the keys still in the ignition.

Within minutes he was on his way to a place where he hoped held the key to what could save this planet from being completely overrun by these walking dead.

The Xavier Institute for Gifted Youngsters appeared to be abandoned. Roger found the front door unlocked. He entered the building and carefully searched inside. There were no signs of anybody there, humans or zombies.

During the Mysteron?s previous visits he had learned of this place and had observed Professor Xavier using Cerebro.

Roger found the room containing Cerebro. His fingers flew quickly over the keyboard as he made the necessary modifications. Roger needed Cerebro to find something other than Mutants.

When humans died and became zombies, their physiology changed: including their brains.

Roger put on the helmet and used Cerebro to locate the zombies on a global scale and fry their brains.

He succeeded, but at a cost. Even though he was a powerful telepathic Mysteron from Mars, this feat nearly drained him completely. Roger needed to rest. He closed his eyes. Soon he was asleep.

Meanwhile Francine and Peter, the two last survivors from the shopping mall that was infested with zombies, were flying in the helicopter.

?Thanks for waiting for me,? said Peter.

?No problem. Thanks for not staying behind. What made you change your mind??

?My survival instincts must have kicked in at the last second,? said Peter. ?And I don?t think Roger would have wanted me to give up like that.?

Francine nodded. ?You?re right. If you had let those sons of bitches kill you, it would have been as if Roger had died for nothing.?

?Let?s find an island somewhere away from all this madness.?

Roger awakened. His telepathic ability alerted him to the whereabouts of Francine and Peter.

He decided to join them. Sure, they would be surprised to see him. But he would take time to explain who he was and it would all be sorted out in a clear fashion.

After Francine and Peter recovered from the shock of finding their friend Roger alive and well, they had a nice long talk as they basked on the beach of the island.

?Maybe those zombies were meant to inherit this planet,? said Roger. ?Maybe my interfering like that screwed up what was meant to be. But I don?t think so. I couldn?t just sit back and do nothing.?

?So you?re a Mysteron from Mars? I?m still having trouble processing that information,? said Francine.

?Take your time,? said Roger. ?I?m from an ancient city back there. We?re pretty advanced and keep to ourselves. Just don?t do anything stupid like attack us in an unprovoked fashion. You wouldn?t want to know the horrifying consequences of doing that, believe me.?

?I?m picturing how horrifying it would be if those zombies had indeed won and killed every living human on earth,? said Peter. He shuddered.

?Let?s drink a toast to life on earth,? said Roger. He held up his glass of wine.

?To life on earth,? said Francine as she held up her glass.

?May it never be taken over by zombies,? said Peter holding up his glass.

?Or damn dirty apes,? said Francine laughing.

?Or marionettes,? said Roger.

?What?? said Peter and Francine giving Roger puzzled looks.

Roger gave them a puzzled look in return.

?I honestly don?t know why I said that,? he said.

They all shrugged and moved on to other topics of conversation.

Francine eventually had her baby. It was a boy. She named him Stephen.

And they all lived happily ever after, friends forever.

The Support Group
Disclaimer: I do not own ?Smallville? or the Superboy comic books of DC Comics.

Chapter One: The Support Group

?It?s a travesty, I tell you! A travesty!? said the magical imp from the Fifth Dimension. ?What were they thinking? Making me into a Russian foreign exchange student? It?s ridiculous!?

?Have a seat, Mxy,? said the blond freckle-faced handsome young teenage boy. ?At least they didn?t write your character out of the series like they did mine.?

?They could always bring you back, Pete,? said the pretty red-haired teenage girl. ?You only went to go live with your mom. They didn?t kill off your character.?

?Lana, when I first saw this series I thought they had changed my name to Whitney. Then I realized they made me black. Okay. I can live with that. It?s the diversity thing.?

?As far as I know, I never had a boyfriend named Whitney. And why didn?t they want to keep me with red hair? Are there no talented beautiful actresses with red hair who could play my part??

?A-hem,? interrupted the bald young man seated in the corner. ?Actually, I have no problem with what they?ve done with my character. I like being made into a spoiled playboy son of a billionaire. I get to live in a beautiful mansion. And best of all, I actually get to be laid by beautiful young women! Can you beat that? I love it! This is way better than being sent to juvenile hall for being a young criminal mastermind!?

?It wasn?t all good, though, was it, Lex?? asked Pete.

Lex was quiet for a moment. Then he spoke.

?Well, no. Being stranded on that island, the forced shock therapy, getting kidnapped, and almost getting killed numerous times, well those weren?t fun at all for my character, I?ll have to admit.?

The white-haired older couple seated on the other side of the table glanced at each other.

?I guess it?s nice that they made us younger and living on that big farm out in the fresh air,? said Ma Kent.

?The Kent Farm,? said Pa Kent. ?Yep. It has a nice ring to it. It was either that or be working in that small grocery store.?

?We still haven?t heard from the main man himself. Where?s Superboy?? asked Lana. ?I thought he?d be here.?

?That?s why I called this special meeting of this little support group,? said Mxy. ?I sent our Superboy, a.k.a. Clark Kent off on a surprise trip. And his counterpart will be sent here to take his place. It should be very interesting for the both of them.?

?You did what??!!? cried Pete, Lana, Ma and Pa Kent and Lex.

"Yip?!" cried the white dog wearing the red cape.

"Poor Krypto. They left you out completely," said Ma Kent as she petted the super canine.

Chapter Two: Trading Places

It was seven o?clock in the morning. Ma Kent set the table for breakfast. Then she began preparing the batter for pancakes. She glanced at the clock on the wall.

?Land sakes,? she said to herself. ?Those boys better get ready for school. They have that field trip today.?

Her husband had already left the house to go to work at the grocery store. He had inventory to do.

Ma Kent wondered if her son Clark and his best friend Pete Ross had stayed up late last night talking about today?s big field trip. Their class was going to visit the museum in Metropolis. Pete had been invited by Clark to stay over last night for a study session/sleep-over.

She headed upstairs to check on the boys. She reached the second floor landing and was about to knock on the door when she heard a loud yell coming from inside Clark?s bedroom.

?What on earth?? she muttered. She quickly opened the door without knocking, fearing the worst.

She saw her son Clark dressed in his pale blue pajamas. He was shaking and standing with his back pressed up against the wall. He looked very confused and afraid.

Pete stared at Clark. Pete was still in bed. He was dressed in white and blue striped pajamas.

?Clark? What?s wrong? Why?d you yell at me like that?? asked Pete.

?Son, what is it, dear?? asked Ma Kent.

Clark looked all around the room. His eyes darted about. He finally spoke.

?You know my name,? he said. ?But I don?t know you! Who are you? And where am I??

Ma Kent and Pete exchanged worried glances.

Clark looked directly at Pete and said, ?Why were you in bed with me? Did anything happen between us that I should know about??

?Clark, dear. You invited Pete over for a sleepover. Remember? Maybe you?ll feel better after you?ve had some breakfast.?

Chapter Three: The Face in the Mirror

Clark decided to play along with this bizarre scenario. Perhaps some clue would emerge to explain what was happening.

"Breakfast. Yes. Breakfast sounds good," he said to the white-haired woman who called him 'son'. "I'll take my shower and get dressed. I'll be down in a few minutes."

Ma Kent smiled and nodded. She left the room and went back downstairs.

Meanwhile upstairs in Clark's room Pete did some morning stretching exercises.

"Save some hot water for me, okay, Clark?" he said loudly through the closed bathroom door.

"Sure thing, uh, Pete," answered Clark. He felt odd calling this unfamiliar-looking blond freckle-faced boy 'Pete'.

Clark wondered if he had somehow entered another dimension. He had noticed earlier that the schoolbooks on the nightstand were labeled with the name 'Pete Ross'.

As Clark showered he planned on a course of action. After breakfast he would head over to school and look up Chloe Sullivan at the Torch. He would need her investigative reporter instincts to help him figure out what was going on. She was no stranger to odd happenings. That is, if there was indeed a Chloe Sullivan in this odd world that he had somehow entered. What if she was not there? Clark did not want to think about it.

Clark got out of the shower. His hair and skin were still damp. He looked in the bathroom mirror and almost fainted. Who was that boy in the reflection?

That's not me, thought Clark. I don't look like that!

The reflection was that of an unfamiliar handsome young boy with short dark hair. A lock of hair suddenly curled downward on his forehead. Clark combed it back.

Clark stepped out of the bathroom and went toward the closet. Pete smiled at him.

"My turn," said Pete as he brushed past Clark and went into the bathroom.

Clark could not believe what he saw inside the closet. There were ten sets of identical outfits: white shirts, red v-necked sweaters, navy blue trousers, dark socks and black loafers.

"Guess it saves time in figuring out what to wear," he muttered to himself. He donned the clothes.

Later as Clark and Pete finished eating breakfast there was a knock at the door.

Ma Kent got up to see who was there.

The boys could hear her greet the visitor.

"Good morning, Lana."

"Good morning, Mrs. Kent. Are Clark and Pete ready to walk me to school?"

"They should be ready in a few minutes. Would you like to come inside for a moment?"

Lana! Clark's heart raced. He rushed over to the living room to see for himself.

Clark was disappointed to see she was not the girl he knew from Smallville. This was a stranger with red hair and dressed in a yellow sweater and green plaid skirt. The clothing style appeared to be from the late nineteen fifties.

"Hi, Clark," the girl said as she smiled warmly. "Are you looking forward to the field trip? I can hardly wait."

Pete emerged from the kitchen.

"Good morning, Lana. I guess we'd better get going. Come on, Clark."

Pete turned to Ma Kent and gave her a hug.

"Thanks for your hospitality, Mrs. Kent," said Pete. "I had a nice time. Considering."

He glanced toward Clark who stared back at him.

I don't know who this faux-Pete is, thought Clark, and this faux-Mrs. Kent and this faux-Lana. But I'll find out who's behind all of this, and when I do, well heaven help him. Or her.

Clark felt like punching something really hard. It took a lot of self-restraint to keep from knocking down a wall. Any wall. He just wanted to close his eyes and wake up back in his familiar surroundings. His Smallville filled with the faces of his family and friends. Not these strangers.

Clark had an eerie feeling as he walked to school with Pete and Lana. The streets, houses and inhabitants of this faux-Smallville reminded him of something. What was it? Suddenly he knew. That movie! What was the title? Oh, yes! Pleasantville! Except in color.

They arrived at the school. It didn't take long for Clark to find out there was no Torch. No Chloe Sullivan.

He and his classmates boarded the yellow school bus that would take them on their field trip to Metropolis.

The driver made sure all the students were seated before he started the engine. The bus pulled away from the curb.

As the bus approached the outskirts of Smallville Lana turned and smiled at Clark.

"Hooray!" said Lana. "This is such a nice change from sitting in a classroom."

Clark gave the faux-Lana an icy glare.

"What's with the funny look, Clark? Did I say or do anything to offend you?"

You can tell me who you really are and what you did with the real Lana, you fake, Clark wanted to say. But he didn't. He just looked away from Lana and stared out of the window. That's when he saw it. His jaw dropped open. There it was. As big as life.

The huge billboard that greeted people driving toward Smallville.

It read: "Welcome to Smallville ... Home of Superboy!" There was a huge picture of a flying boy wearing some type of skintight costume in red, blue and yellow. Something about the flying boy's face looked familiar. Then Clark realized it was the face he saw in the bathroom mirror.

What the heck is going on? Clark panicked.

Chapter Four: How Mxy Switched the Two Clarks

Pete was lying in bed next to Clark. Mxy had assured Pete that the boy lying beside him was indeed the Clark from the Smallville Universe.

"But he doesn't look anything like him," whispered Pete. "I know what he's supposed to look like, and this looks like the same Clark I know who's my best friend."

Mxy whispered back, "Even though I'm a magical imp, there are limitations to my powers. I couldn't actually get the two Clarks to switch places completely, that is, with their physical bodies. But I was able to switch their souls. It's the best I could do."

"You'd better leave," said Pete. "I think he's about to wake up."

"Okay. It's showtime."

Mxy popped out of the bedroom.

Pete pretended to be asleep. He heard Clark slowly moving about in the bed. About ten seconds later he heard Clark yell and felt him jump out of bed.

Pete opened his eyes and turned toward Clark who was standing with his back pressed against the wall.

The door opened and Ma Kent stepped into the room.

Pete and Ma Kent played their parts beautifully. Poor Clark did not know what was happening or how he ended up in this unfamiliar room with these strangers who seemed to know him.

Chapter Five: The Bus Ride

Maybe these glasses are playing tricks on me, thought Clark. He removed the eyeglasses from his face. Ma Kent had handed the glasses to him earlier before he left the house and had reminded him to wear them .

These aren't even prescription glasses, thought Clark. He looked out of the window again. The billboard appeared to be getting smaller as the bus moved farther away, but he could still see the picture of the strange costumed flying boy.

I wouldn't be caught dead in such a ridiculous outfit, thought Clark. It's practically skintight.

He put the eyesglasses back onto his face and wondered why the Clark of this world bothered to wear them. A disguise, perhaps?

Suddenly the bus swerved. The teacher and students seated near the front of the bus screamed.

Clark leaned over to see what was happening. The bus driver was slumped over in his seat and the bus was now out of control.

Maybe the driver is having a heart attack, thought Clark. He quickly got out of his seat and moved forward. The other passengers were panicking and screaming.

Mxy's gone too far, thought Pete. We could get hurt or even killed! Will Clark save us? How can he do so without revealing his abilities to everyone?

Up above in the sky overhead Mxy observed the school bus as it swerved on the road.

Come on, Clark, thought Mxy. Let's see what you'll do.

Clark reached the driver who was still strapped in the seat. Clark bent down. He used one hand to push down on the brake pedal and the other hand to hold the steering wheel steady. The bus came to a halt. Clark put the bus into 'park' and turned off the ignition.

Within moments Lana and Pete pushed their way to the front of the bus.

"Clark! I can't believe you did that!" said Lana. "You were amazing!"

"Clark the timid mouse saved us!" shouted a boy seated several rows back. "I'd never thought I'd see the day when that would happen!"

"We have to help the bus driver," said Clark. "Does anyone have a phone?" Then he remembered where he was.

The teacher on board the bus gave Clark a puzzled look before speaking.

"A phone? Clark, why would anyone here have a phone? We're on a bus. But we could go knocking on a few doors of some of these nearby houses and see if anyone will let us use their telephone."

"Uh, right. I'll go do that. You stay here with the driver. Everybody else, please stay in your seats."

Clark opened the door of the bus and stepped outside. He walked toward a house up ahead.

No cell phones or computers or Internet in this Smallville. I sure do miss my own world, thought Clark. Will I ever be able to get back home?

He reached the house. There was a rocking chair on the front porch. Colorful marigolds filled the windowboxes. It looked like a friendly place where a stranger could feel welcome to call upon the occupants for help.

Clark rang the doorbell.

Chapter Six: An Unexpected Turn of Events

The door opened and a woman in her mid-thirties greeted Clark. She was wearing a white apron over her floral print dress. The smell of fresh baked chocolate chip cookies hit Clark.

Mmmm, thought Clark. Wait. No time to be drooling over chocolate chip cookies.

"Sorry to trouble you, ma'am," said Clark. "My name is Clark Kent. May I please use your telephone to call for an ambulance? Our school bus driver collapsed. He might be having a heart attack."

The woman smiled and gave Clark a puzzled look.

"Why, certainly, young man. But if your driver collapsed, then who's driving the bus now?"

He turned to see the yellow school bus pulling away and continuing on its way to Metropolis. Clark could see his classmates laughing and pointing at him through the windows. He used his super-hearing and x-ray vision to find out what was happening on board that bus.

The driver appeared to be in perfect health and was whistling as he drove the bus. All the passengers, including the teacher, were laughing.

"That was a good one!" laughed Lana.

"What do you think Clarkie-boy will do now that we've ditched him?" asked another classmate.

Pete smiled but did not say anything. He knew that Clark with his super abilities would have no trouble catching up with the bus. Heck, Clark could even beat them to Metropolis long before the bus arrived at their destination.

Clark stared as the bus moved farther away from him.

"How strange," said the woman. "I guess you won't be needing to call that ambulance after all."

I wouldn't say that, thought Clark. That's it. I have had it. Whoever is responsible for bringing me to this

strange place is messing with me. It's time to bring that someone out into the open.

Clark took a very deep breath and then blew very hard. The yellow school bus was hit by the super force of wind, flipped and rolled over a couple of times. The driver and passengers screamed very loudly.

Then Clark sent a beam of his heat vision directly toward the gas tank. The explosion was deafening. Pieces of the school bus scattered everywhere.

The woman standing on the porch with Clark screamed.

"I have to call the fire department!" she shouted as she ran inside.

Mxy was dumbfounded as he observed the events unfolding before his very eyes.

I must have pushed Clark completely over the edge, he thought. He's lost his mind.

While the woman was on the telephone frantically calling for help, Clark calmly went into the kitchen and helped himself to a plate of fresh baked chocolate chip cookies and a glass of cold milk. Then he carried the milk and cookies into the living room, set his snack on the coffee table, found a comfortable spot on the couch and turned on the television.

Chapter Seven: Superboy in Television Land


Meanwhile in the Smallville television world, the Silver Age Superboy was having a much easier time adjusting to his new surroundings than his counterpart was.

He quickly recognized the episode playing out before him. It was the one that had caused Mxy to call for that latest meeting of the support group.

Silver Age Superboy of the comic book world in the body of Clark Kent of the Smallville television world simply went along with whatever the television script called for him to be doing. Since he had a super photographic memory it was very easy for him to remember what happened in this episode.

During the commercial break he could not resist doing some exploring. He used his x-ray vision to search the Kent Farm from top to bottom, but it was just as he thought it be. No trace of any of his five Superboy robots. No trace of his faithful pet Krypto. And no sign anywhere of his Superboy outfit.

Superboy had to stifle the urge he had to soar into the sky like he used to do in his own town of Smallville.

I can't believe that the Clark Kent of this world has a fear of heights, thought Superboy. He doesn't know what he's missing.

The commercial break was over and he resumed his role as Clark Kent. The episode was now at the point where he had to stop that Russian foreign exchange student from killing Chloe.

Superboy made a mental note to himself: Write to the folks in charge of this television series and ask them to explain why Clark's clothing which is made of Earth fibers does not burst into flames from friction when he moves at super-speed.

I'll bet they won't even reply, he thought to himself as he knocked out the Russian foreign exchange student before he could harm Chloe.

Consider that payback for almost choking me to death earlier, thought Superboy as he watched him collapse to the floor in an unconscious heap.

He then used his super-speed to return to the football field.

TO BE CONTINUED

The Election (crossover drabble fanfic)
Title: The Election
Author: Jeanster (jeanster911 at yahoo.com)
Category: Crossover Drabble FanFic (exactly 100 words)
Rating: Fan Rated Suitable For Children
Feedback: Yes, please
Disclaimer: Located below this drabble

*********

One touch of the young man's hand was all it took to enable the
one gifted with visions to see into his future: a new President who
would be responsible for the deaths of many. The vision was so
horrifying that Cassandra died from shock.

"I've thought about going into politics," said the young
man to his
best friend.

Somewhere in Maine Greg Stillson wondered about his new opponent in
the Presidential Election.

Luthor or Stillson? Either way, Johnny Smith had his work cut out
for him. Which is why a special visitor from Kansas was flying in to
help.

**********

Disclaimer: I do not own The Dead Zone and/or Smallville.

A New Friendship to Last Forever
Title: A New Friendship to Last Forever
Author: Jeanster
Category: Drabble FanFic Crossover (exactly 100 words)
Rating: Fan Rated Suitable For Children
Feedback: Yes, please
Disclaimer: Located below this drabble.

*****

There was no closure when Jackie left me. One night he just stopped coming over. I cried and became very depressed. That all changed after I met you. I have no regrets about leaving my home by the sea to follow you. We can be happy together always. My kind lives forever, unlike yours. But you are not like other little boys, are you? You always have fun and never grow up. Oh, look. Is that the pirate you told me about? Let us see if his ship lowers its flag when I roar out my name. They usually do.

*****

Disclaimer: I do not own the story of Peter Pan or the song "Puff the Magic Dragon".

Catching Bart
Fandom: Smallville
Rating: Slash and Fan Rated Suitable For Children
Category: Drabble Fanfic - Slash (Drabble means a story told in exactly 100 words)
Pairing: Clark/Bart
Disclaimer: I do not own Smallville or any DC Comics characters.
Author's Note: Based on the Smallville episode aired October 20, 2004 that featured the Flash.



Clark watched Bart walk away, possibly forever.

"Is there anything I can do to change your mind?"

Bart stopped, turned and smiled.

"If you can catch me, you can have me."

Clark grinned.

They sped off, a streak of red closely pursued by a streak of blue.

"Got you!"

The laughing boys tumbled to the ground.

"Do you have any idea what you do to me?" asked Clark.

"Show me."

Clark gave him a kiss which was eagerly returned.

Later:

"You could have outrun me, Bart. Why did you let me catch you?"

"Gee, Clark, if you have to ask -- "

One Day at the Red Lion Pub
Category: Drabble Crossover FanFic (exactly 100 words)
Fandoms: Blackadder and The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
Rating: Fan Rated Suitable For Teenagers
Feedback: Yes.
Archive: Ask me first, please
Disclaimer: I do not own Blackadder and/or The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.


Edmund sipped his drink as he sat in the pub. Everything was finally going his way: money, love, friendship. Most unusual for him, being a Blackadder. He noticed the odd young fellow at the bar who tossed a huge wad of cash at the bartender in payment for a mere four bags of peanuts. Words were exchanged. The young man quickly left the pub. The bartender announced, "Last orders, please." Edmund finished his drink and got up to leave. As he walked out of the Red Lion Pub he heard a loud noise from above. He looked upward. "Oh, damn!"

The Kissing Cousins From Krypton
Mood:  cheeky
Disclaimer: I do not own Supergirl, Superboy or any DC Comic Book characters.

Author's Note: This takes place before Supergirl is adopted by Mr. and Mrs. Danvers and before Superman reveals his cousin's existence to the world.

Chapter One

Supergirl watched her cousin fly away as he headed back to patrol Metropolis.

"I wonder what Superman was like when he was about my age," wondered Supergirl. He had told her of his teen years spent in Smallville growing up with Ma and Pa Kent.

Her curiosity got the better of her. Supergirl decided to fly back in time to see for herself.

So off she went flying at super speed far back into the past.



"I'm here," she said to herself as she looked around. "What a charming and beautiful place Smallville is."

She changed into her Linda Lee disguise as she did not want anyone in Smallville to see her as Supergirl. After all, how could she explain herself? The ripple effect could be disastrous and change the future.

She strolled through the streets of Smallville. A pair of teenagers approached. One was a pretty girl with red hair. The other was a handsome boy with blond hair and freckles.

Linda smiled and nodded.

"Hello," said the red-haired girl smiling back. "My name is Lana Lang. This is Pete Ross. Are you new here? I don't remember seeing you in Smallville."

"Hi. I'm Linda Lee. Just passing through Smallville. You have a lovely town here. So clean and friendly-looking."

"Thank you. We like it here," said Lana.

"And it helps to have Superboy around," said Pete. "If you're lucky you might catch a glimpse of him on patrol."

"Superboy? Who's that?" asked Linda feigning ignorance.

"You're kidding, right?" asked Lana. "You've never heard of Superboy? The Kryptonian who performs good deeds by saving people with his super powers?"

"Sorry," said Linda. "Like I said, I'm just passing through Smallville. Tell me about this 'Superboy' and his 'super powers'. Is he for real?"

"He's for real, all right," said Pete. "Believe it. Hey, Lana, why don't you fall out of an upper story window and see if Superboy catches you in time?"

"Har-dee-har-har-har," said Lana. "Not that Superboy couldn't do it, but I'm not going to risk my neck being that foolhardy."

"Speak of the devil," said Pete pointing upward. Linda and Lana turned to see where Pete was pointing.

Superboy was flying toward them. He slowed down and floated gracefully down to the sidewalk.

"Hi, Lana. Hi, Pete. Who's your friend?" smiled Superboy.

"This is Linda Lee. She's new. Said she's just passing through town," said Pete.

"Hi, Linda. Welcome to Smallville. It's nice to meet you," said Superboy.

"Wow!" said Linda, her eyes as big as saucers. She was not feigning anything this time. The sight of her cousin as a teenage boy took her breath away. She felt a strange tingling sensation.

Superboy smiled. He was used to seeing surprised first reactions from people when they met him. He, like Linda, felt a strange tingling sensation. She's very pretty, thought Superboy.

"I hope you'll enjoy your time here, Linda," said Superboy. A sixth sense told him there was something odd about Linda. He didn't know why. He used his x-ray vision to quickly scan her.

Superboy wondered to himself, "Why is she wearing that brown wig to hide her blonde hair? And more importantly, why is she wearing a costume almost like mine under her clothes? I'd better get to the bottom of this."

He's really cute, thought Linda. Then she caught herself. Oh, no, this won't do. Linda blushed. Why was she suddenly feeling excited and flustered at the sight of Superboy?

He's my cousin, thought Linda. But he looks so adorable! Why am I feeling like this?

Linda fought the strange urge she had to throw her arms around Superboy and plant a big kiss on his lips.

"Linda, how would you like a personal guided tour of Smallville by yours truly?" Superboy suddenly asked.

Before she could answer Superboy lifted her in his arms and flew upward.

Lana and Pete stared in surprise as Superboy flew away carrying Linda.

"Uh, 'bye," said Pete as he and Lana watched the pair disappear from view.

"Boy. He certainly took a shine to that new girl," said Lana feeling a little jealous.

What Superboy and Linda did not know was that a chunk of red Kryptonite was nearby partially buried in the ground. That was what had caused that strange tingling sensation they both felt a moment ago. It boosted up their raging teenage hormones.

They arrived in a lovely spot near a lake. Superboy gently placed Linda down on the ground. They smiled at each other.

"I have a confession to make," said Superboy. "I peeked."

"Peeked?" asked Linda. "What do you mean?"

"I used my x-ray vision on you. Why are you hiding that beautiful blonde hair beneath that pig-tailed brown wig? And what's with the superhero costume almost like mine?"

"You peeked through my clothes?! Do you do that to all the girls you meet?"

"Of course not," said Superboy. "There was just something about you. I can't explain it. And you haven't answered my questions."

"Well, I guess there's no use pretending anymore." She looked around to make sure there was no one else around to see them. Satisfied that they were alone, she used her super speed to quickly remove her Linda Lee disguise.

To blazes with ripple effects and changing the future, she thought. He may as well see me as I am.

"Call me Supergirl," she said. "I'm from the future. I traveled back in time because I wanted so much to meet you. Like you, I'm a Kryptonian. In fact, I'm your cousin Kara."

"My cousin? Wow!" said Superboy. "You're beautiful!"

Indeed she was. Her soft silky blonde hair flowed gently in the breeze as it framed her lovely face. Her super costume accentuated her flawless figure.

"And you, Kal-El, are the cutest and most adorable boy I've ever met."

She knows my Kryptonian name, thought Superboy.

They embraced and kissed. It was a long and lingering kiss. Neither of them wanted it to end.

She's bringing out feelings in me I've never felt before, thought Superboy.

I want him so much, thought Supergirl.

They were on the verge of removing each other's super costumes when suddenly a voice said, "Okay, break it up, you two."

They quickly turned to see who was there.

"Saturn Girl?" said Superboy. "What are you doing here?"

"Sorry to interfere in your fun, but I'm here to stop you from making a very big mistake. Superboy, you're not supposed to know about your cousin Supergirl's existence until years from now when you're a grown man," said Saturn Girl.

She continued. "You've both been exposed to a chunk of red Kryptonite that is making you behave this way. Before it gets out of hand, I'd better put a stop to it and use my powers to erase the memory of your cousin from your mind, Superboy. Ditto for you, Supergirl."

Superboy and Supergirl glanced at each other and winked. Then they both quickly flew off at super speed.

"You'll have to catch us first!" shouted Superboy as they flew off.

Saturn Girl stared upward. Why didn't I see that coming? Shame on me, she thought. I'm going to need help from the other members of the Legion of Super-Heroes.

"Come on," said Supergirl to her cousin as they flew away. "Let's go somewhere private where we can be alone."

Superboy smiled and nodded in agreement.

Chapter Two

"Martha, dear, what is it?"

"Jonathan, have you had that talk with Clark about the birds and bees yet?"

"Uh, no. I've been putting it off, actually. Why?"

"Well, dear, I think you should. And very soon. Do it today when he comes home. In fact, it might be better if we speak with him together."

Martha showed Jonathan what she was holding in her hands.

"Good heavens, Martha! Are those Clark's bedsheets?"

"Yes, dear. I can wash these sheets and mend the holes, but we'll need to speak with him about the holes made in his dresser."

"I never thought of just how powerful Clark's wet dreams could be."

"Oh, Jonathan, how will he ever be able to settle down with a nice girl one day to get married and have children?"

The Kents shuddered in horror at the thought of how Clark could unintentionally kill his bride on their wedding night with the strength of his Kryptonian ejaculations.

"He can never do it with an Earth woman, Jonathan! He mustn't!"

Chapter Three

Superman was very surprised when young Brainiac 5 in a time machine appeared suddenly before him.

The descendant of the first Brainiac quickly explained to Superman the reason for his visit.

" -- so you see, Superman, we need your help. Between Supergirl and your younger self both affected by red Kryptonite, the Legion of Super-Heroes is no match against their super-strength. They are literally kicking our butts back in that time period."

"Of course I'll help."

"One more thing, Superman. Did you ever have a talk with your cousin about the birds and the bees?"

Superman stared at Brainiac 5. He suddenly felt uncomfortable.

"Um, no. I assumed her parents did."

"Maybe there wasn't time for them to do that before they had to send her away in that rocket ship. And as her older cousin, you should have that talk with her. She looks up to you for guidance."

"Well, maybe the people who work at the Midvale Orphanage already had that talk with her," said Superman, a bit flustered.

Brainiac 5 rolled his eyes.

"You can have that talk with her after you get her back in this time period. Right now we have to stop her and Superboy from making a terrible mistake."

"Wait. We're going to need help, and I know just the person. Be right back."

Superman flew off at super-speed.

Chapter Four

The fallen members of the Legion of Super-Heroes were sprawled on the ground, each groaning and almost unconscious.

"That should teach you to stay out of our business," Supergirl said to them. She turned to Superboy. "Now where were we?" she asked smiling seductively.

"Right about here," he said as he brought his lips to hers and kissed his beautiful cousin.

"Okay, break it up, you two," said a female voice.

Not again, thought Superboy. The kissing cousins from Krypton turned to see who it was.

Superboy stared at the beautiful vision standing before him. She was tall, statuesque and her long dark hair flowed behind her in the breeze. She wore silver bracelets, a golden tiara and a colorful costume that did not hide her gorgeous limbs. She carried a golden lasso which she quickly threw around him.

"It's a magic lasso, Superboy. Your Kryptonian strength can't break it."

All thoughts of blonde lovely Kara disappeared from Superboy's mind as he stared at this incredibly beautiful woman.

"I don't want to fight you, whoever you are. What's your name?" he asked.

"Diana," she said smiling.

Supergirl was being restrained by her older cousin.

Superman held Supergirl firmly in his grip and said to her sternly, "If that red Kryptonite wasn't to blame for your actions, I'd put you right over my knee, young lady. You're not too big for me to do that, I'll have you know."

Supergirl smiled up at him. "Would you? Please? I've been such a bad girl. And I can be even badder. Just let me show you just how bad I can be, you gorgeous hunk!" She leaned forward and kissed him.

Superman gasped. Be cool, he thought. She's not herself.

"We have to keep these two restrained until the effect of the red Kryptonite wears off," he said to Wonder Woman.

"Come with me, dear boy," said Diana. He certainly is a very handsome youth, she thought. "Let's sit underneath this tree and chat for a bit."

"I'd go anywhere with you," said Superboy as he stared at her with a dreamy look on his face.

TO BE CONTINUED

Leave It To Frodo (Part Two - Chapters 6 through 11)
Chapter Six: Aragorn Comes To A Decision

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Leave It To Beaver and/or The Lord of the Rings.

SCENE: The following day at School of Mayfield, Middle Earth. The teachers are checking their mailboxes. Each teacher is given two copies of Principal Elrond's new rule about no fraternizing between faculty members and students. They are to keep one copy and sign and return the other copy to indicate they have read it and will abide by the rule.

Miss Arwen is reading her copy of the rule. She glances up and sees Miss Ewoyn reading the new rule. Miss Arwen studies the face of the girls' physical education instructor to see her reaction.

Miss Ewoyn frowns. She puts her paperwork in her tote bag and heads for the PE Department.

Miss Arwen looks at the clock. It is almost time for class to begin. She heads for her classroom.

Miss Ewoyn sees Aragorn and Legolas headed for the athletic field. Aragorn sees her and waves. She waves back and motions for him to wait for her.

ARAGORN Go on ahead, Legolas. I'll catch up in a few minutes.

LEGOLAS Don't be late.

The Elf walks out the door that leads to the athletic field.

MISS EWOYN Good morning, Aragorn.

ARAGORN Good morning, Miss Ewoyn.

She shows him her copy of the new rule. He reads it, then he hands it back to her.

ARAGORN Interesting.

MISS EWOYN Tell me, Aragorn. When will you be graduating?

ARAGORN If I pass all of my classes, I should receive my diploma and be out of here in June.

MISS EWOYN That's only three months away. After that this rule won't apply to us.

ARAGORN Us? There's an 'us'?

MISS EWOYN (frowns at him) Hmm. Do you always flirt with females and not mean anything by it? It's not nice to lead a woman on like that.

ARAGORN Miss Ewoyn, you have my most sincere apology if I have in any way led you to believe my intentions toward you were of a romantic or suggestive nature. I was merely being friendly and welcoming you to our school yesterday.

MISS EWOYN (coldly) I see. Well, I have a class to teach. Good day, Ranger.

She walks away and does not look back.

Aragorn watches her. He turns and goes to meet Legolas and the others out on the athletic field for the battle practice session.

He thinks about Ewoyn. He does find her attractive, but he does not want to pursue a relationship with her. His heart belongs to someone else, only he did not fully realize it until last night while he lay awake in his bed pondering his life and those whose lives had touched his.

ARAGORN (thinking to himself) Tonight is when I will make my true feelings clear to the one with whom I really want to be.

Chapter Seven: The Library

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Leave It To Beaver and/or The Lord of the Rings.

SCENE: That afternoon in the Public Library of Mayfield, Middle Earth. Aragorn, Legolas, Boromir and Gimli are having a study session to work on their term papers that will count toward a big part of their grades. Since they all want to graduate together without any of them being left back, they are working hard to do well on this assignment.

In the other end of the library we see a large hulking Uruk-Hai from the Isengard School. He is Lurtz. He, too, is working on his term paper, for it would be most embarrassing for an Uruk-Hai of his stature to have to repeat a school year. He plans to graduate in June.

BOROMIR I'm going to get a drink of water. Be right back.

The Son of Gondor walks down the hall toward the drinking fountain. Coming around the corner is Lurtz. They accidentally collide and knock each other down. Lurtz spills his papers and books.

LURTZ (growls menacing at Boromir)

BOROMIR Geez, Louise! Why don't you watch where you're -

He stops in mid-sentence when he sees Lurtz.

BOROMIR Uh, I mean, terribly sorry about that, Lurtz! I should have been looking where I was going, clumsy me!

Lurtz moves closer toward Boromir until his face is only four inches from Boromir's face. He gives a long drawn out growl. Boromir is trying not to show his fear.

Suddenly Lurtz looks up, quickly gathers his books and papers and sits down at a table and appears to be deeply engrossed in reading a library book.

Boromir is puzzled by the sudden change in Lurtz's behavior. He turns and notices Miss Buckram, the librarian. She is peering over her spectacles at Lurtz and Boromir. When she is certain that there will be no fighting in the library between those two, she returns to checking in a stack of returned library books.

Boromir sighs in relief. He knows from past experience that no one who values his or her own life would dare to break any of the library rules when Miss Buckram was around.

LURTZ (thinking to himself as he stares at Boromir walking away) Just you wait, Son of Gondor! We will meet again at the play-offs! I will have a special arrow with your name on it. Hmm. Think I'll add two more, just for good measure.

Boromir quickly joins Aragorn and the others at their table.

BOROMIR (whispering) Guess who's also here in the library?

ARAGORN Who?

BOROMIR The colossal hulk of the Isengard School!

ARAGORN Lurtz?

BOROMIR None other! I think just now I managed to get on his Open Up A Can of Whoop Ass List when I accidentally bumped into him.

ARAGORN I'd hate to be in your shoes, my friend.

Aragorn is having a little trouble concentrating on his studies, as he is also rehearsing in his mind how to tell the love of his life of his true feelings. He plans to do so tonight after dinner.

Chapter Eight: An Unexpected Emergency

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Leave It To Beaver and/or The Lord of the Rings.

SCENE: Later that evening after dinner. Frodo is lying on his bed while he reads a comic book. Aragorn is polishing his sword. There is a knock on their door.

ARAGORN Come in.

The door opens. It is Bilbo.

BILBO Aragorn, your friend Boromir is downstairs. Were you expecting him tonight?

ARAGORN No. In fact, I was planning to go out tonight. I wonder what he wants?

BILBO He seems anxious to speak with you about something.

ARAGORN I'll go down and see him.

Suddenly Boromir pokes his head through the doorway, much to Bilbo's annoyance.

BILBO I thought I told you to wait downstairs.

BOROMIR My apologies, Mr. Baggins. I really need to speak with my good buddy Aragorn about something.

BILBO Well, don't stay long. You two boys have school tomorrow.

Bilbo leaves and heads downstairs.

BOROMIR (sees Frodo) Beat it, squirt!

FRODO Hey, this is MY bedroom, too! You can't kick me out!

BOROMIR Wanna bet?

ARAGORN Boromir, lay off of Frodo. What is it you wanted to tell me?

BOROMIR I don't want to tell you in front of the squirt. Can't you tell him to take a hike?

FRODO I'm still here! Don't talk about me like I'm not in the room!

ARAGORN Frodo, would you please excuse us while I have a private word with Boromir? I'm sorry to interrupt your reading. I promise it won't be long.

FRODO (glares at Boromir) Well, Aragorn, since you asked me so nicely, okay.

He takes his comic book and leaves the bedroom, closing the door behind him.

ARAGORN Okay, Boromir. What is it?

BOROMIR I have a really bad feeling about Lurtz. I think he's really out to get me.

ARAGORN Did he threaten you after you bumped into him in the library earlier today?

BOROMIR Not in so many words. He growled at me, but then Miss Buckram appeared, so he made like he was being the perfect well-behaved library patron and sat down to read.

ARAGORN Lucky for you. Well, you know you can count on me to help. I'll watch your back when we meet his team for the play-offs. And I'm sure you can also count on Gimli and Legolas for assistance.

BOROMIR Thanks, buddy. You're the greatest.

There is another knock on the door.

ARAGORN Come in.

The door opens. This time it is Gandalf.

GANDALF Aragorn, Principal Elrond just called. He needs you to meet him right away at the school. It's an emergency. His daughter Miss Arwen is over there working late. She's barricaded herself in his office and phoned her father because Orcs are there and are trying to attack her.

ARAGORN Orcs?!

GANDALF Miss Arwen overheard some noise coming from the gymnasium, so she went to see what it was. Orcs were vandalizing the place. They saw her, so she turned and ran.

ARAGORN Let's go!

BOROMIR Right behind you, buddy.

Aragorn grabs his sword and they rush downstairs.

FRODO Hey, where are you all going?

GANDALF You stay here, Frodo. It's too dangerous.

FRODO Uncle Bilbo told me what happened! I'm going, too! I'm not going to let anything happen to Miss Arwen! See?

Frodo shows them Sting.

ARAGORN Nothing we can say will stop you from following us, so we may as well let you come along. Hurry!

They all rush outside and jump into the car. It peels away toward the school.

GANDALF Principal Elrond has already called Gimli and Legolas. They are on their way to the school, too.

Chapter Nine: Payback

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Leave It To Beaver and/or The Lord of the Rings.

SCENE: The school of Mayfield, Middle Earth. Aragorn, Boromir, Frodo and Gandalf arrive. They find the front doors unlocked because Principal Elrond, Gimli and Legolas had arrived before them.

The doors to the gymnasium are open. It is strewn with toilet paper. The walls are covered in painted words: 'ORCS OF MORIA RULE!' and 'RANGERS ARE MAMA'S BOYS!'

Principal Elrond, Gimli, Legolas are with Miss Arwen in the office. The door to the office is broken off the hinges and is on the floor. There are no Orcs in sight.

ARAGORN Miss Arwen, are you all right?

MISS ARWEN Yes, thank you. Fortunately, Daddy keeps a spare sword here in his office. (shows everyone the sword she holds)

PRINCIPAL ELROND Yes, that and thanks also to the trap door I had installed recently here in my office.

He points to the opening in front of his desk.

PRINCIPAL ELROND Careful not to fall. This trap door comes in handy for when I have meetings with parents of problem students. Sometimes those parents have tunnel vision and only want to listen to their child's side of the story.

ARAGORN To where does the trap door lead?

PRINCIPAL ELROND That, my dear Ranger, is on a need to know basis. At the moment you don't really need to know.

ARAGORN So those Orcs all fell into that hole?

MISS ARWEN Yes, thank goodness.

Frodo goes over to Miss Arwen and takes her hand.

FRODO I'm so relieved to see that you're all right, Miss Arwen!

MISS ARWEN Thank you, Frodo. I'm touched that you all came to help.

PRINCIPAL ELROND Well, it's going to take a lot of work to clean the gymnasium. It's late. Let's deal with it in the morning. Come, daughter. Let's go home.

MISS ARWEN Yes, Daddy. Good night, everybody.

They leave the school. Aragorn decides to postpone revealing his true feelings to the love of his life, as it would be awkward to try to take his beloved aside privately with everyone around.

SCENE: The next morning in school. Boromir and Aragorn are surveying the damage done to the gym.

BOROMIR Aragorn, we're not going to let those Orcs get away with trashing our gym, are we?

ARAGORN What do you propose we do?

BOROMIR Trash their gym?

ARAGORN No. Let's be more creative.

BOROMIR Like what?

ARAGORN How about we steal their mascot? It'd be right before the big game.

BOROMIR I like it!

SCENE: Later that night Aragorn, Boromir, Gimli, Legolas, Frodo, Sam, Merry and Pippin are sneaking into the Moria School. It used to be a school for Dwarfs until it was taken over by Orcs.

FRODO What is their school mascot, Aragorn?

ARAGORN I don't know. Perhaps they have a donkey.

LEGOLAS It must be behind that door over there.

The Elf points to a very large door labeled with a sign that reads SCHOOL MASCOT.

BOROMIR Oh, ya think?

The Son of Gondor slowly opens the door and peeks into the room. Then he quickly slams the door shut.

BOROMIR They have a Cave Troll!

They quickly back away from the door. It is pushed open and the Cave Troll carrying a sledge hammer emerges. The creature is huge and very scary looking.

FRODO That's the mascot we're going to steal??!!

The Cave Troll starts swinging the sledge hammer.

ARAGORN Frodo! Run! All you Hobbits get out of here!

The battle ensues.

They defeat the Cave Troll. It lies dead on the floor in the lobby of the school.

ARAGORN So much for stealing their mascot. Killing it may have been taking it a step too far.

BOROMIR Hey, it was either that or end up as a Cave Troll's toe jam! Speaking for myself, I haven't grown tired yet of breathing and walking upright. Hey, Legsy, what are you doing?

LEGOLAS I am retrieving my arrows from the corpse. These are still perfectly good arrows.

ARAGORN Let's get out of here.

They flee, leaving the dead Cave Troll on the floor.

Chapter Ten: Frodo Looks Into The Mirror

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Leave It To Beaver and/or The Lord of the Rings.

SCENE: The following weekend. Frodo is earning money by pulling weeds in Lady Galadriel's garden. She emerges from the back door of her house. Frodo looks up and sees her carrying a pitcher. She walks over toward the birdbath and empties the pitcher of water into the birdbath. She speaks to Frodo.

GALADRIEL Will you look into the mirror?

FRODO (thinking to himself) Mirror? It's a birdbath. What is she? Crackers? Oh, well. Better humor her since she's paying me to do this weeding.

He smiles and nods.

FRODO What will I see?

GALADRIEL What was. What is. What will be.

Frodo gazes into the water. He sees Miss Aragorn alone in her classroom. She is grading papers. The door opens and in walks Aragorn.

Frodo watches what transpires between the Ranger and his teacher. His heart shatters and tears well up in his eyes, then roll down his adorable Hobbit face.

Then he sees the gymnasium getting trashed with toilet paper and paint. Frodo is shocked when he sees who is doing it.

Frodo falls backward. He does not wish to see anymore that the mirror can reveal.

GALADRIEL I know what it was you saw, for that is also in my mind.

FRODO How could she? And how could he? He knows how I feel about her!

GALADRIEL You are in pain, little one. But do not despair. Time will be your friend, as it heals wounds such as the one you feel now.

FRODO I have to leave. I must see Aragorn.

GALADRIEL What will you tell him?

FRODO I'm not sure yet. I'll have to think carefully first.

GALADRIEL A wise decision. Do not rush to speak in anger. He does care about you.

FRODO Yes, he does. He's always looked out for me. I'll see you next week, Lady Galadriel.

He leaves her backyard and heads home.

SCENE: The Soda Shop. A popular hangout of the students. Boromir is speaking with a group of his classmates.

BOROMIR Now the only way this is going to work is if we ALL cooperate. Can I count on your votes?

TEEN BOY You bet, Boromir. I think it's a great plan.

TEEN GIRL Count me in, too.

BOROMIR Great! Well, that's the last of it. Come the night of the Senior Prom, we will all see the plan of a genius, yours truly, come together! And it will be a beautiful sight, believe you me!

SCENE: Frodo's home. He goes upstairs to the room he shares with the Ranger. He sees Aragorn reading a book. Frodo pauses. He still has not formed the right words in his mind to tell Aragorn he knows about the kiss that took place between him and Miss Arwen. Then he wonders if it would be better to say nothing. Who was he, a mere Hobbit, to stand in the way of their desire to be together?

ARAGORN Hello, Frodo. Back so soon from weeding Lady Galadriel's garden?

FRODO Uh, yeah. I'll go back there next week. I'm going to wash up for dinner. See ya.

ARAGORN Okay.

He smiles at Frodo, then goes back to reading his book.

SCENE: The home of Principal Elrond and Miss Arwen. Miss Arwen is doing needlepoint and thinking quietly to herself. She wonders if her father suspects anything about that night the gymnasium was trashed. She thinks back to that night and how she had very carefully made sure not to get any paint on herself when she painted the words on the wall and strewn toilet paper all over the gym. Her plan was to make Aragorn think she was in danger so that he would rush over to rescue her, then his feelings for her would surface again and she would again experience the joy of being held in his strong muscular arms and then he would kiss her. She didn't care about her father's rule about no fraternizing between faculty members and students. She yearns for Aragorn and is willing to defy her father. But her plan failed.

SCENE: Back at Frodo's home. Frodo is thinking to himself as he washes his hands. That night when they had rushed over to the school they had not seen any Orcs who supposedly had trashed the gym and were supposedly trying to get at Miss Arwen who had barricaded herself in her father's office. Lady Galadriel's mirror had revealed to him what had really happened that night. But he does not understand why his teacher did all that. And what of the Cave Troll? Aragorn, Legolas, Boromir and Gimli killed the Orcs's mascot to get back at them for something they did not do. Frodo feels extremely guilty about that.

Chapter Eleven: Prom Night

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Leave It To Beaver and/or The Lord of the Rings.

SCENE: Weeks later. Senior Prom Night. The gymnasium is beautifully decorated. Everyone is dressed in formal wear. Music plays and everyone dances. Gandalf, Bilbo, Principal Elrond, Miss Arwen, Miss Eowyn and a few other faculty members are there as chaperones. Frodo, Sam, Merry and Pippin are there, too. They are working at the refreshment stand.

Aragorn steps up to the podium. He turns on the microphone.

ARAGORN Attention, everyone. I'd like to make an announcement, please.

Everyone hushes and turns to face Aragorn.

ARAGORN We've come a long way over the past few years to finally make it here to this very special night. I just want to say what I'm sure many of you are thinking. We're very sad that my best friend Boromir could not be here with us. If he can hear and see us know, I know he'd want us to remember the good times we shared with him and to celebrate those moments with joy and laughter. So let's honor the memory of our dearly departed classmate and good friend Boromir, the Son of Gondor.

The entire roomful of people turn and gaze at the large framed portrait of Boromir that hangs on the wall. It is surrounded by beautiful flowers.

Aragorn thinks of that day when he saw Boromir killed by Lurtz at the big game. Three arrows, one by one pierced the body of the Son of Gondor before Aragorn was able to hurl himself at Lurtz and knock him down. Decapitating Lurtz gave the Ranger only a moment of satisfaction, but it could not bring back Boromir. He had wept for his friend, as did Gimli and Legolas.

What Aragorn does not know is that the plan that Boromir had put into place weeks ago was about to come together. All the other classmates kept their promise to not breathe a word of it, so as not to spoil the surprise.

After an hour of dancing and music, Principal Elrond stepped up the podium.

PRINCIPAL ELROND It is now time to announce the Prom King!

Everyone hushes and turns to face Principal Elrond.

Gimli hands a piece of paper to the principal.

PRINCIPAL ELROND This year's Prom King is. . . ARAGORN!

Everyone claps and cheers. Aragorn is startled. He smiles and walks up to the podium. Miss Arwen places a crown on his head and a royal cape around his broad muscular shoulders. She smiles at him and plants a soft kiss on his cheek. Principal Elrond raises one eyebrow at that, but says nothing.

PRINCIPAL ELROND And now it is time to announce the Prom Queen!

Gimli hands a second piece of paper to the principal.

PRINCIPAL ELROND This year's Prom Queen is. . . LEGOLAS??!!

Legolas does a double-take.

LEGOLAS How can this be? I didn't even run for Prom Queen!

Everyone claps and cheers. They urge Legolas to step up to the podium. He slowly does. The Elf feels embarrassed, but he smiles and decides to be a good sport about this.

PRINCIPAL ELROND Legolas, according to the results of the ballot count, you won by a landslide!

Miss Eowyn approaches with a tiara which she places on Legolas's head. She also hands him a huge bouquet of beautiful red roses.

Aragorn and Legolas look sheepishly at each other. They had no idea this would happen tonight.

PRINCIPAL ELROND Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the senior class Prom King and Queen! They will now dance together.

Everyone again claps and cheers.

ARAGORN (whispers to Legolas) I've been meaning to talk to you about us. But the time never seemed right.

LEGOLAS (whispers back to Aragorn) How about while we're dancing?

Aragorn smiles and nods. The music plays a slow number and they dance.

Aragorn notices someone making his way through the crowd. For a moment the Prom King thinks he sees the ghost of Boromir. Then he realizes the person he sees bears a strong resemblance to Boromir, but it's not his dearly departed friend.

After the dance Aragorn and Legolas go over to the one who resembles Boromir and introduce themselves.

ARAGORN And to whom do we have the pleasure of speaking?

PRINCIPAL ELROND Ah, Aragorn and Legolas. Allow me introduce you to Faramir, the brother of Boromir.

FARAMIR A pleasure to meet you both. My brother told me so much about you.

ARAGORN Boromir did mention once that he had a brother, but that you lived outside of Mayfield. Are you here at this dance alone?

FARAMIR No, actually I'm meeting my date here. Oh, there she is.

Miss Eowyn smiles and comes over. Faramir embraces her.

FARAMIR You look beautiful tonight. May I have this dance?

MISS EOWYN You may, kind sir.

Frodo sees Miss Arwen standing off to the side drinking some punch. He walks over to her.

MISS ARWEN Hello, Frodo. What do you think of the Prom?

FRODO It's going very well. Looks great, sounds great and everyone looks like they're having a good time.

MISS ARWEN The King and Queen look very happy together. I could tell while they were dancing.

FRODO Yes, they do. Miss Arwen, if you ever need a friend to talk to about anything that's troubling you, I hope you won't hesitate to come to me. I'll always be there for you.

Miss Arwen stares at the Hobbit and smiles.

MISS ARWEN Frodo, you are a dear special person. I'm honored to know you. And I'll keep in mind what you just said now.

She gives Frodo a hug.

FRODO May I have this dance, Miss Arwen?

MISS ARWEN You certainly may.

THE END