Disclaimer: Don’t own a thing! The lyrics belong to Aerosmith.
Rating: ‘A’ for pure and utter angst ;-)
Important Note: Luis’s point of view. Part II of the fanfic Torn.
I sigh as I sit down on the over stuffed orange couch in the cottage and run a hand over my face. Tonight was a long night. I was headed for Ethan Crane’s engagement party but fate had something else planned. God, I sound like Theresa. But on a serious note, I was truly blessed. I never knew such a joy existed in this world. When I held Pat’s baby in my arms, tonight, I felt like I took the important things in life for granted. I am going to cherish every moment of my life.
I glance in the direction of the only bedroom in the cottage. Too bad she couldn’t cherish it with me.
God, the woman drives me crazy.
Sheridan Crane.
A beautiful name for a beautiful woman. And I did the stupidest thing in the world. I fell in love with her. Goddammit, she’s a Crane for crying out loud.
I’m so lost. I have no idea where I am at this point in my life. She makes me do that. Lose myself, that is.
‘I'm down a one way street
With a one night stand
With a one track mind
Out in no man's land’
If there was only a way to prove to her that I didn’t say those things about her. That I would never use her. God, it wasn’t fair. I didn’t do anything wrong.
‘The punishment sometimes
don't seem to fit the crime’
No! I have to stop thinking about it. She won’t listen. She’s way to stubborn to listen. And she’s way too proud. I learnt my lesson. I am going to get burnt, again.
‘Yeah there's a hole in my soul
But one thing I've learned
For every love letter written
There's another one burned’
So we were friends. Just like she told Pat. Not very good friends at that, either. She told me there was nothing left to say. I can’t do anything. It’s her call.
‘So you tell me how it's gonna be this time
Is it over?
Is it over?
'Cause I'm blowin' out the flame’
Does she not see the truth and pain in my eyes? Doesn’t she know by now that that’s not the type of person I am? The one who uses women for their money. I can’t stop thinking about her. Does she know what she does to me?
‘Take a walk outside your mind
Tell me how it feels to be
The one who turns,
the knife inside of me’
I have been honest with her from the start. I would never use her for the Crane wealth. Why would I want something that belongs to a family I despise? Can’t she see that all my intentions towards her are pure? That all I want is to spend the rest of my life making her happy?
‘Take a look and you will find
There's nothing there, girl
Yeah I swear,’
‘She doesn’t want you to make her happy.’ A voice inside my head says. The voice is right. I won’t let her do this to me. I can’t let her control my life. She’s going to move on. I’m going to move on. That’s the only logical thing to do.
But my heart won’t let go. Because it’s too late. She has my heart and I’ll never get it back. God, I feel so lousy. I feel so empty.
‘There's a Hole In My Soul
that's been killing me forever
It's a place where a garden never grows’
Damn her! Why did I have to be so drawn to her? She can’t trust me. No, she won’t trust me. I have to let it go. She’s just trouble for me. Sam’s right. Mama’s right. I’ve had experience with her and matters of the heart, before and I’m smarter than that.
‘There's a Hole In My Soul
yeah, I should have known better
'Cause your love's like a thorn without a rose’
I lie down on my pillow and almost immediately fall asleep because of the sheer exhaustion of the night. In my dreams I see her. I see us together. Getting married. Raising children. Growing old together.
God, I’m in deep. Way too deep. I don’t think I’ll ever get out.
Suddenly I feel a hand on my cheek. I open my eyes and see her sitting beside me looking at me with hope, desire and something I couldn’t quite put a finger on. I want to take her in my arms and show her how much I want her.
“Sheridan,” I whisper resting my hand on hers on my cheek and smiling a little at her. She smiles back, that small lopsided smile, her icy blue eyes shining brightly.
And I fall in love with her all over again.
THE END