Chapter 1 The morning dawned cool and crisp on the town of Willow Springs. Rays of sunlight began filtering through the panes of glass of the town's only hotel. The light hit Jimmy in the face and he rolled over to look at the person beside him in bed. Was this a bad dream? How could this have happened? How could he have let this happen? Lou looked as beautiful as he had ever seen her. She actually looked content, her hair all a mess. He smiled but just as quickly as that smile came, it left. He thought of yesterday. Images of Lou flooded his mind, a noose around her neck. A look of absolute fear on her face. Hopkins smirking a short distance away. He recalled the pounding of his heart and the bottomless pit he felt in his stomach. No, no this can't happen between us. It should have never happened. Being with him almost killed her and it would have killed him had anything happened to her. This is so not good. Kid. His best friend. Kid loved Lou, he wanted a life with her. The fact that they were not together at that moment did nothing to appease the filthy taste he got in his mouth. Jimmy looked over again. Lou was sleeping soundly. How could he do this?! This could not and would not ever happen again. He would make damn sure. Lou rolled over smiling happily. She moved her left hand. All she felt was the cold sheets of the bed. She jumped awake. Jimmy was gone. She sat up and looked around the room. All his things were gone also. Did he just leave her here in Willow Springs? No he wouldn't do that. Memories of last night played in her head. It was one of the best nights of her life. She always had a connection with Jimmy. She was always drawn to him, but never knew why. That connection sparked into a raging inferno last night. Did she love him? Could she make him see they could be more than friends? She knew he was probably beating himself up right now. In spite of that, she giggled. She could make him see that this could work. Could this work? She got up and got dressed. She was going to find Jimmy. She was going to make him understand that this had nothing to do with Hopkins. She thought of the creepy little man. She slumped down on the bed. Jimmy was blaming himself for Hopkins. This might be harder than she thought. It wouldn't only be about what happened last night. She went to grab her bedroll. A bandana fell onto the floor. She stopped. She froze. Kid. It was his bandana. She had been carrying it with her for quite a while. She was holding onto it crying just the night before. He had moved on fairly quickly with the new school teacher. But was she over him? She still loved him. She felt sick now. How could she love two men? She went from floating to being in turmoil. You know what. To hell with Kid. She could have a friend, confidant, and possibly more in Jimmy. She could be herself and not have to change who she was. She would tell Kid as soon as they returned. She finished up and went out the door. Lou found Jimmy leading Sundancer and Lightning from the livery to the hotel. She took one look at him and she clammed up. He had this look of total defeat on his face. Jimmy looked up to see Lou coming down the steps but she had stopped when she saw him. He found he couldn't meet her gaze. "Morning Jimmy." Lou spoke first. "Morning Lou." Jimmy replied. He kept looking down and avoiding her face altogether. "I went and picked up the package so we could get going. I got the horses ready. I was, um, I was just coming to knock on your door to see if you were up." "Don't you want to get something to eat before we head out?" Asked Lou. "No I'm not hungry, can we just go?" "Sure. Whatever." The following hours were the most uncomfortable ride of Lou's life. Jimmy didn't look at her, he even rode ahead of her. He didn't speak except a short yes or no. She knew him. She knew this was what was going to happen. He had closed in. Jimmy kept stealing glances at Lou when she wasn't looking. Oh he had loved her for so long. He can't feel this way. How could he be so stupid to have done this? They finally stopped for a bit at a small creek after Lou constantly asking to stop. They let the horses drink. "Jimmy can we talk, please? Before we get home." "About what?" Jimmy walked farther away down the bank. He still wouldn't look at her. Lou lost it. "Don't you dare walk away from me! We got things needing to be aired out!" "No Lou, we don't." She ran up behind him. He wouldn't turn around. She let all her frustrations pour out. "Jimmy I have always felt this deep connection to you! I felt drawn to you! I worry about you while you are on a run, I find myself always thinking about you! You are my best friend! You listen to me and believe in me! In who I am! Please just talk to me!!!! I want more! It may or may not work between us but I have to try! I have to know! I know you have feelings for me! Please stop and look at me now damnit!" Jimmy spun around. His brow furrowed and a frown on his face. "No Lou, I don't want to try this and I don't want to talk to you right now! Can't you see Lou! I crossed the line, a line I never should have crossed! People I care about tend to get hurt or die! I will not have that happen and Kid!! He is my best friend and look what kind of back stabbing bastard I am!! He might can't see it now Lou, but y'all are meant to be together! I went too far this time! I let this happen! He will never forgive me!" Jimmy took a deep breath. Lou moved over to him and placed her hands on his face. She made him face her. "Jimmy, I know I have been confused and torn. But I want you. I know my feelings are a jumbled mess but I do need to see what we have between us. I think I have been in love with you Jimmy. I just didn't really know what love was until now." Jimmy looked in her eyes for the first time since last night. "I don't love you Lou. I can't love you." He reached up and pulled her hands from his face. He walked toward his horse. He suddenly stopped, still facing the horse. "This cannot and will not ever be. I will see to that. Make up with Kid. He will give you a great life. This ends here." Jimmy mounted up and rode away leaving Lou beside the creek. Lou stood broken. Maybe she was wrong. Maybe she should stay away from him, but her head was still all a mess. She had to find out which man she was meant to be with. She wiped away a tear. She decided right then that she wouldn't tell Kid which was going against her thoughts from earlier that morning. He must never know until she could figure this thing out. What was she going to do? She thought she loved both of them. One tried too hard, the other pushed her away. She sighed, mounted up , and rode off behind Jimmy not knowing if what she was feeling was love or lust. Chapter 2 Jimmy never slowed for Lou to catch up. As the station came into view, so did the hard truth of his actions. He rode straight past the station into town and dropped the package. He slowly walked back, dragging his feet. Lou was already there washing up. Cody had taken her horse. He walked past her without a word to the barn. Buck was inside with Cody. Buck approached Jimmy. "Let me take your horse, you look exhausted." Said Buck. "That's ok, I got it." Buck looked to Cody. Something was off. First Lou, now Jimmy. Cody was always the first to talk without using his brain. "So why did Lou ride in all by herself? Kinda odd dontcha think." Said Cody Buck held his breath and waited. "Thought I would just let her come on and rest while I made the delivery is all." Jimmy said tiredly. "She looked kinda funny. Was the ride ok?" Whispered Buck. "Fine." Said Jimmy "Well ain't ya both just a bowl full of happiness." Mumbled Cody. "You know what, yeah Buck, take my horse for me. I have had enough of y'all asking me things! I'm done in here. I ain't in no mood for this shit!" Jimmy slammed down his saddle and walked out. Buck froze. Cody had drawn back behind Lou's horse. "What the hell happened?" Asked Cody "Something did Cody. Something did." Said Buck. Over the next few weeks, Jimmy took as many chores and runs as he could stand. He felt that if he could keep busy then he could get past all that had happened. But the guilt ate at him. How could he do this to Kid? More so why was he treating the only woman that has ever held his heart so cruel? Was he that cold hearted? It didn't help that Lou was still trying to get next to him. He avoided her as much as possible. It was better this way he thought. But one time, she had cornered him in the barn. She tried to talk to him again saying her and Kid were better as friends. She even tried to kiss him. He ended up getting past her and out the door. Why wouldn't she just give up? Just stop. Then again, maybe he should give in. I mean she was everything he ever wanted. God it would be great for her to be his. After all, she wanted him. "Stop it Hickok. You ain't got no future." Jimmy said aloud. He moved out the shadows and got back to work. Another month seemed to fly by with Jimmy still just about killing himself with work. By now Teaspoon saw everything. He had thought that whatever this was with Jimmy, that it would pass eventually like it usually did. He would finally sort it out and move on. But the boy seemed to be stuck, and at that, not caring about his own well being. Jimmy was chopping wood again. "Jimmy, take a break. Let's talk." Said Teaspoon. "I got to finish this." "Well that was supposed to be Cody's job anyway so take a break. You are making the ole boy lazier by the day." Reluctantly, Jimmy put down the axe. "Son, what's going on? Don't lie either, something is up and this has been going on too long. Don't you think it is time to get this elephant off your chest?" "Ain't nothing Teaspoon." "Look at me son. Yes it is." "I just need to keep busy right now." "Jimmy I am here. Let me help you through whatever this is." "You can't Teaspoon. Not this time. I've done something unforgivable. No one can help me right now." "But son I'm worried about you." "It's personal Teaspoon. I'm fine. I will get through this on my own." "Jimmy, you are not eating, you have worked so much that your hands are one big blister. Take some time off. Maybe that would help." "I can't. If I do, then I will have to think about what I did." Jimmy turned and walked away. What the hell is going on? He has been acting this way since when.....since..... since Willow Springs. Lou. He needed to talk to Lou. He found Lou in the garden helping Rachel. "Lou, can I talk to you a minute?" Asked Teaspoon. "Sure, is something wrong?" "You could say that." They walked over to stand in shade of Rachel's house. "Lou, Jimmy has been actin strange since he came back from that run to Willow Springs. Did something happen that y'all aren't telling me? I just need to help him Lou, if I can. He is digging himself into a deeper hole." "Nothing really Teaspoon. We did have a run in with an old gunfighter. He approached Jimmy at the hotel. A man named Hopkins. Jimmy was kinda uneasy the rest of the trip." Lou shrugged under Teaspoon's gaze. She cleverly left out all the details of Hopkins taking her as leverage against Jimmy. She also failed to mention their "extra" activities that night. "You sure nothing else happened? That can't be driving him to act like this. I just don't know then." "That was it Teaspoon." "Ok Lou, just thought I would ask." Teaspoon saw the way Lou squirmed while he was talking. Something else did happen on that run, he was now sure of it. He had been so preoccupied with Jimmy's behavior that he hadn't picked up on Lou's. It will soon come out. He hoped at least. Chapter 3 The following weeks brought new stock to the station. Some of the finest horses they had seen in a while but also some of the meanest. As time passed, it also found Lou and Kid trying to work things out. Kid had broken up with Samantha saying Lou was the love of his life. He spent his days doing whatever he could to make things up to her. Lou had begun to fall under Kid's spell again. Jimmy wouldn't even be her friend at the moment. She was beginning to think that he was a lost cause. So she had started talking to Kid again. She still had feelings for him. He agreed that they could take things really slow and see how it played out. Yet she couldn't help but watch Jimmy. He made her stomach do flips but if she told him, he would just shut her down like always. She knew he was still tore up inside and this worried her. She had hoped for almost two months that he would come to his senses. She got nothing, just to be avoided. She had Kid doing anything for her attention. Maybe it was time to go forward and just let sleeping dogs lie. If Jimmy felt anything, he would never act on it. But yet why did he act more upset now that she was trying to work things out with Kid? She was doing what he wanted. She was just as confused. Maybe she could pour her attention and love onto Kid and it would overcome her feelings for Jimmy. It had to. Life went on. Jimmy was still in a dark place. It was worse since Lou and Kid appeared to working things out. Everyone steered clear of him. The morning started bright and sunny. Jimmy couldn't sleep so he was up early feeding the stock. Why was he feeling this way? This is what he wanted after all. He had been pushing her to Kid, the more reliable choice. So why did he feel like shit? He felt like he was dying inside. A few hours later, Jimmy having pushed his thoughts aside walked over to the corral. Buck, Cody, Ike, and Noah had been trying to break a tough stallion with no luck. They saw him coming. "Oh no, don't look now, barrel full of sunshine is on his way over." Said Cody. Noah already sore and laid up from this same horse gave Cody a glare. "Cody, just play along and not start anything." Said Noah "Just keep your mouth shut." Said Buck "Why is it always my fault?" Asked Cody "Shh, shh." Said Noah. The horse was dancing nervously as Jimmy approached. Jimmy looked at the horse. He looked like he had a mean streak a mile wide. Maybe this is what he needed. He needed to feel some pain to snap himself out of this. It would make him feel human again. "Jimmy, I see you looking. You wanting to try your luck today? We sure could use some luck with this one." Said Buck. "That beast already looks like he is out for blood. Maybe we should wait." Said Cody "Well I am just going to watch, not today, not today you mean thing." Noah said holding his arm. Ike came up and they all looked to him. He just shook his head. "Really? Come on, who's up first?" Said Buck "I'll go." Stated Jimmy "Ok, good luck." Smirked Buck. Jimmy went to the jumpy horse. He patted him on the nose to try to calm him before climbing into the saddle. As soon as his weight hit the saddle, all hell broke loose. Jimmy ended up in the dirt. He got on again. In the dirt again. Again and again. Buck ran into the corral. "Jimmy you have had enough. Let someone else try." "No, I got this." "You can hardly get back up Jimmy." Ike, Noah, and Cody all looked at each other shaking their heads. "He must have a death wish." Noah whispered to Cody. "A glutton for punishment." Said Cody. "Look, I don't need y'all trying to tell me what to do! Give me the damn reins Buck!" Yelled Jimmy. The outburst made the horse even more spooked. Buck backed away, hands up. Buck sat next to Cody. "I think someone needs to go get Teaspoon. Now." Whispered Buck "I'll go. I have a bad feeling something bad is about to happen if we can't get someone to stop him." Said Noah Noah jogged as fast as he could for Teaspoon. Jimmy was now back on the horse who showed no signs of tiring. The horse began bucking once again, he suddenly spun around unseating Jimmy. Jimmy became airborne, slamming him into the fence. He then fell face first into the soft dirt. Buck saw that Jimmy was making no move to get up. The horse was bucking around wildly, his hooves coming down upon Jimmy. Buck, Cody, and Ike leapt from the top of the fence. Buck and Ike were finally able to grab the animal and pull him away from Jimmy. Cody ran to him, calling his name. Cody, scared, turned him over. The entire side of his face was covered in blood. He was unconscious and breathing with difficulty. Noah came following behind a running Teaspoon. Chapter 4 "What in God's name happened?" Asked Teaspoon "He wouldn't stop Teaspoon, he just wouldn't stop!" Yelled Cody "Buck! Get the doc!" Hollered Teaspoon An hour later, Teaspoon, Rachel, and the riders were waiting on the porch. Kid and Lou the only two missing as they were on a special run. The door opened. "Teaspoon, can I talk to you?" Asked Doc. Teaspoon stood up and walked into Rachel's spare room. Jimmy laid on the bed. His head and chest wrapped in bandages. "Well Doc?" , "He was lucky Teaspoon. He appears to have three broken ribs and a broken wrist. I thankfully was able to set and wrap the wrist. The wound on his head could have been more serious. Any further over, Teaspoon, and it could have killed him." Teaspoon shook his head. "Something has been going on with him for a few months. I think it just hit a breaking point. I haven't been able to get anything out of him. Maybe now that he will be laid up for awhile, I can get to the bottom of this afore something else happens." "You saying you think he meant to try to hurt himself?" Asked Doc. "Ain't sure Doc but I know he was hurting on the inside before he was on the outside." "Well he more than likely won't wake up til later tonight, maybe tomorrow. He needs to stay down for at least a month, maybe more. No chores, no riding. Here is some laudanum for the pain. I'm sure it will be pretty bad at times. Let me know if I can help further." Doc gathered his bag, shook hands with Teaspoon, and left. Teaspoon moved over to look at Jimmy. "What the hell happened on that damn ride that would bring you to this son?" He stood listening to his ragged breathing for a few then left to tell the others what Doc said. Jimmy awoke the next morning. God he was sore. He felt like he couldn't breathe. Something was pushing on his chest. He moved his right arm only to stir a dreadful pain in his hand. He found he couldn't move it. He looked down. Bandages, white bandages. Lord his head. He was dizzy. He laid it back on the pillow. What happened? "You better settle down and stop moving son." Said Teaspoon. Jimmy turned his head. Teaspoon sat propped in a chair, his hat low over his eyes. "What's going on?" Asked Jimmy "You don't remember? That stallion really did a number on ya didn't he?" Oh yes, the damn horse, all the bad feelings,he remembered. Jimmy groaned. "Well once you are up to it, me and yous are gonna have a little chat about that stunt yesterday. About everything. You sure as hell can't run away from me now." "Nothing to discuss." Stated Jimmy "Oh you are gonna talk. One way or another. You can't do what you just did and think I will just let it go. You scared the hell out of us. Hell I am still scared. Something is very wrong and I aim to find out what. If I have to sit and stare at you day and night, I will. But you will tell me." "I feel kinda sick Teaspoon." "So you should. Here take this. Sleep Jimmy. I ain't going nowhere." Rachel came in later. She walked over to a sleeping Jimmy. She pulled the quilts up over his chest and kissed him on the cheek. She turned to Teaspoon. "So are you just going to sit there?" Asked Rachel. "Yep." "What about the town?" "Took a week off. Barnett's got it." "I'm worried Teaspoon." "Me too darling. I am going to find out about all this. I won't let up til I know. Has Lou been acting ok lately?" "I guess. She has been kinda distracted. Why?" "Jimmy started this after that run that he and Lou went on to Willow Springs. I confronted Lou but she would only mention a run-in with a man named Hopkins. She didn't go into any details. Something else had to happen on that trip. Something big. When are Kid and Lou due back?" "Tomorrow afternoon. I figured Lou was just still upset over that Kid/Samantha thing. You don't think anything happened between them do you?" "I ain't sure but Jimmy sure as hell is actin like a man with a guilty conscience." "Teaspoon, you do know that Jimmy has strong feelings for Lou. More than just a friend. That's what has been causing all the tension with him and Kid as of late." "I know. I know. He thinks we don't but everyone sees it. Just what happened, I couldn't tell ya." Rachel placed her hand on Teaspoon's shoulder and smiled. She turned back to Jimmy again. "We will figure this out. Lou might come clean after she finds out what happened here. Don't wear yourself out." Said Rachel "Oh don't worry. I won't." Said Teaspoon as he pulled his hat back down over his eyes. Kid and Lou rode in the following afternoon. Cody met them on the porch to the bunkhouse. He blabbed the entire thing. Kid was shocked at what Cody told him. Lou just looked down at her feet. Rachel inside prepping supper, saw the entire thing. Yeah Lou was hiding something. Chapter 5 Jimmy awoke to the sound of the door closing. He saw Lou. Teaspoon stood up and stretched. Here we go, he thought. He stood, tipped his hat, and walked out. Maybe this will do the trick. "You ok Jimmy?" Asked Lou. She looked at him. He was a pitiful sight. She could barely see him with all the bandages. What she did see was pain and despair. Jimmy didn't answer her. God he hurt. Inside and out. He didn't need this shit now. "Jimmy, they all think you did this on purpose. Tell me they are wrong." "Leave me be Lou." Lou had had enough. She lost her temper with his bull headedness. "What is your problem! What happened tween us is what I wanted to happen! Don't you know that! I even wanted more from you! You been treating me like dirt for months! Made me hate you almost! What the hell is going on in your head?!!! You said yourself you feel nothing for me! Hell you can't even look at me! At least Kid shows me some love and I do get his attention! So why would you do this! Isn't this what you wanted! For me to make up with Kid!!!! Is it cause of me and Kid?" "Shut up Lou!" Jimmy cut her off. Lou jumped, shocked. "Lou! Stop! Stop! I can't love you damnit! Kid is like a brother and he loves you! I am no good, no future but an early grave! I can't do this to him or you! I won't! I would rather be miserable the rest of my life than do this! You deserve more!" "How can you say that?" "Get out Lou! Get out now!" Lou ran out and slammed the door. She ran straight past Teaspoon waiting in the parlor and out to the barn. Jimmy began to wheeze and cough uncontrollably. It hurt, holy hell it hurt. Teaspoon ran in. He had heard part of their argument and saw Lou run out. He grabbed the glass of water on the table and went to him. Rachel was soon by his side as well. Once it finally subsided, Jimmy kept gasping with tears in his eyes ''I can't breathe. I can't breathe." Rachel grabbed the laudanum. She made him drink some. He choked it down. "What got you so riled up? Lou is your friend." Asked Teaspoon. "Can't say." Jimmy barely whispered. His eyes soon grew weak and his breathing slowed. "What why? Why can't you say?" Asked Rachel. But Jimmy was already asleep. Four days later, Jimmy sat staring at Teaspoon. Silence. Dead silence for four days. Lou didn't come back, why would she? Teaspoon wouldn't let any of the others up, saying he was getting to the bottom of things. Jimmy looked out the window. "Teaspoon, why is my life always such a mess?" Jimmy whispered. "Son, life is hard for everybody." "Mine is always screwed up, ever since the day I was born." "It doesn't have to be, you can always change directions. If it goes east, turn it west." More silence. "But what if you did something that was just wrong. Like you could have made the choice not to do it, but you did it anyway and now you don't know if you can go on knowing what you did. You know what I mean." "Jimmy, I have been around a little bit longer than you have. I have done many things that after it was done, I knew what I done was wrong. I've had points in my life where I thought I couldn't take anymore. But I have found that life goes on, time heals things." "But I mean like, what if you felt something for someone but knew you could never act on it. And then one day, you just crossed the line that you swore you never would. I mean, this someone already had a someone that was as close as a brother. And now you can't go back, and it just fucked your entire life." Said Jimmy. "Jimmy, I can't really say I have ever been in a situation quite like that. But I have done things in the name of love that I shouldn't have. I regretted it at the time but now I wouldn't change a thing. Love is hard, powerful, it really isn't meant to be easy at times." Jimmy turned back to the window. "Jimmy, is this someone Lou? Did something happen tween y'all?" "Not sure." Said Jimmy as he looked down at his bandaged wrist. "I see." Stated Teaspoon. "Does Kid know anything?" "No one." Said Jimmy "How does Lou feel?" "She said she thought she had feelings for me. That what she felt for Kid wasn't love. She actually wanted to try Teaspoon but I shut her down. My future is dangerous and unsafe. I pushed her toward the better man. Now she is working things out with Kid, and I didn't think I would care. But I do. I just can't let her in. I can't condemn her like that." "I see." "Now I feel stuck. I feel sick. I thought it might be better if I left, but found that I couldn't leave. I did want to hurt myself, I wanted to feel pain. I don't know, I'm all screwed up." "Well this is what we gonna do. We will just keep this tween us for now. I will talk to Lou. I will see how she feels about all this. Let's just keep the peace for now. I don't want any of my boys to leave but Kid deserves to know. He was seeing Samantha at that time, so he really wouldn't have a foot to stand on. Y'all didn't do anything wrong Jimmy. I will be with all of y'all when the time comes to sort this out." "I can't tell him." Said Jimmy "Yes you can, and you will. You need to get this out in the open and off your chest. If not, this will eat you alive." "I know." "By the way Jimmy, you have more to offer than you know. You can change your future. If you love Lou and she loves you, she will help you in just that. You shouldn't stand in the way of that. Kid may be upset but he should at least respect your honesty. Trust me son, we can figure this out." Said Teaspoon not really knowing how far things had went. "Thanks Teaspoon." "Anytime, and oh yeah. I knew I would break ya!" With that Teaspoon, stood up and walked out. Jimmy actually smiled. Chapter 6 Three weeks later, Jimmy was going stir crazy. He just couldn't take it anymore. He had to get out. He carefully stood and dressed albeit stiffly. He was still sore but for the most part, it was much better. He found he couldn't button his shirt with one hand. Frustrated, he just pulled his shirt around leaving the front open. He found his hat, slammed it on his head and proceeded to try to sneak out. Rachel was outside hanging laundry when she heard a door close and boots on her porch. She turned and put her hands on her hips. There was Jimmy trying to tip toe but failing miserably. He was headed out and towards the barn. "Jimmy! Just where do you think you are going?" Yelled Rachel. He turned and smiled. "Rachel I'm tired of being stuck inside. I just was trying to make it to the barn. I swear I ain't gonna do nothing." "So you just going to sit and watch is that what you are telling me." "Yes ma'am. I swear." "I hope so for your sake. Go on, git. But remember I see everything!" Rachel looked at the way he had dressed himself and laughed. At least he tried. She watched as he slowly made it to the barn and then disappeared inside. She knew Buck was in there repairing tack. He would watch him. She went back to her task. He needed to get out anyway. Sitting inside sulking wasn't helping him heal. This would do him some good. Buck looked up upon hearing heavy breathing. Jimmy came in and went straight to a hay bale next to the wall. He carefully eased himself down, huffing. Buck laughed. "So you made a break for it?" "I don't remember the barn being so damn far away. I feel like I just died." Buck laughed again. "You are still weak. It takes a while. How is it today?" "Still feel like I got hit by a wagon." "Bet so, you did a number on yourself with that horse. I know you are looking up on the outside but are you ok? I mean, you know." "Better I guess, but not right yet." "That's a start." "Wish I could help you, damn wrist. I am so bored. But I tell you one thing, it really hurts to break something." Buck took in Jimmy's clothes. "I bet it does, and I can tell by the way you are dressed that it must totally suck. Did you look at yourself?" Buck was laughing. "No I didn't, I just didn't want Rachel to help. I was trying to run, though it didn't work. She caught me." Jimmy was laughing also. It felt good. "Well Buck, I don't know what to do cept sit and watch." "Fine with me. It's good to see you out and talking." "It's good to be out, even better to see someone other than Teaspoon. Just sitting there, staring at me. All the time. Just waiting. Was kinda creepy." They both laughed. Chapter 7 As Rachel finished hanging the laundry, she looked over the station. She saw Cody propped up on the porch, kicked back as usual. Noah was saddling his horse, getting ready for his ride. She could still hear Buck talking inside the barn, so Jimmy must still be in there. Hopefully this entire thing would open his eyes as she was fearful for him. He always had a tough exterior but so fragile inside. She knew his feelings for Lou and his fierce loyalty to Kid. She also knew this had something to do with her and Willow Springs. The argument upstairs a few weeks ago proved as much. Also Teaspoon filled her in on his and Jimmy's little talk. What were they gonna do? Deep in her thoughts, she saw Lou walking across the yard towards her. The girl looked upset. "Rachel can we talk please?" "Sure Lou, I was just heading in to get some tea." Lou followed Rachel inside her small kitchen. Lou sat at the table and fiddled with her hands. Rachel filled some mugs with hot tea and placed them on the table. She sat across from Lou. "What's wrong Louise, you act like your favorite horse died." "Rachel is it possible to love two men?" Blurted Lou. "I suppose so honey. I thought you and Kid were finally looking up again. You know he wasn't really serious about that Samantha girl. He really is pining over you, you know." "It's not that, it's just things change, people change. I guess I have changed. I don't know if he is what I really want anymore. I don't know. I really don't." "Let me take a wild guess here, the two men in question both live and work here." "Yes." "Louise when it comes to love, it all depends on what your heart tells you. Not your mind. Love feels crazy, overwhelming, like you can't live without that person. They consume your thoughts day and night. You feel like they are the air you breathe. You just know honey. You can't do what you think is right. You normally go with what the heart wants. If you are this tied up and confused then I am guessing the heart and the head are pulling you in different directions." "It's complicated Rachel. Very. And now I have done something to make it even worse. I thought I knew what I wanted but yet someone else came into play. Someone I desire that will not even look at me. I don't know where to begin, what to say, or what I'm going to do!" Lou began to cry. "I will have torn this family apart Rachel, I am thinking of leaving it is so bad. I am so confused that my stomach is all tied up." "Lou why would you even consider leaving, we will help everyone get through this. We are family. I just don't understand what would have you so upset so suddenly. The love thing will find a way, it just needs time. It shouldn't be rushed." Silence, Louise paused. Took a breath. "Rachel, it might have to be. I'm pregnant......" Kid rode up to the station, tired and ready to see Lou. He had been trying so hard to make things right. He felt he couldn't be without her in his life. They had been on a great start to being together again. She was his life. Floating on cloud nine, he rode up. Noah met him halfway, took the pouch and was off. Kid came to a halt and dismounted. He led Katy into the barn surprised to find Jimmy and Buck in conversation. Jimmy quieted when Kid walked in. Buck could sense the tension, so he spoke first. "Hard ride Kid?" "Not really, long and dusty. Glad to be back. Y'all seen Lou?" "I'll take your horse for you, she may be in the bunkhouse. " "Thanks Buck." Kid started to leave, but stopped. He turned around to face Jimmy. "It's good to see you about Jimmy. You had us scared half to death. Take it slow ok." "Thanks Kid, just sitting here taking up space. Can't do anything but that." "But it is good all the same Jimmy. Glad to have you back." "Thanks." Jimmy said the last part looking down. Buck looked at Jimmy. He had the ultimate look of guilt on his face when it came to Kid. The only person who could bring on such between these two was Lou. There had been tension between these two for a while but this was different. What the hell was going on? Kid walked over to the bunkhouse. Cody was still snoring. Kid laughed and saw Teaspoon. He waved Kid over. "How was the ride Kid?" Asked Teaspoon. "Uneventful." Smiled Kid. "Good, I know your tired but can you run over and tell Rachel that ole Mrs. Smith's husband fell and they need our help for a few. I will get the buckboard ready." "No problem Teaspoon. You seen Lou? " "She might be over at the house. Ain't seen her lately but she is around." Kid began walking towards the house. Chapter 8 "Louise how in the world? I mean of course I know how but when? " Rachel got up and kneeled in front of Lou taking both her hands. "I know I am a horrible thing, what am I gonna do? I will lose my job and my family! No money, no nothing!" "Why would you say such a thing! A baby is wonderful news! But let me ask, are you sure Lou, have you been to the doctor?" "I did Rachel, on my last run in Seneca. He told me I'm about three months along. " Rachel paused. Smiled. "Well.... first of all, let's smile. Let's calm down. A baby is a blessing honey. It doesn't matter that you aren't married. It will be loved and you will be a great mother." "Oh but Rachel, this news will break the heart of someone close to all of us. It will crush him. I did this." "Louise, Kid will be excited. He always wanted a family." "Rachel, um, um. I can't do this." Lou stood up and walked over to the counter. Rachel stood up as well. "What is it? Louise stop! Talk to me. Breathe Louise." Lou held onto the counter. She got herself under control. She squeezed her eyes shut. "The baby, the baby isn't Kid's." Lou mumbled. "Wait! What? What Lou I couldn't hear you?" "The baby isn't Kid's!" "Oh my God! Whose is it Louise? " Louise just looked at Rachel with tears in her eyes, panic silencing her voice. "I'm sorry Lou, I overreacted. Lou?" Silence as tears ran down Lou's face. "Lou, oh my, it's Jimmy's isn't it?" Asked Rachel, the full truth of what happened on that run setting in. Louise shook her head up and down. Rachel grabbed Lou in a strong embrace. "Shhh, shhh sweet girl, it is gonna be ok, it will be alright." "I don't know if it will be Rachel." "This is what has been eating at Jimmy. Willow Springs. He is pushing you away to Kid cause of what happened on that run and he doesn't want to hurt him. Does Jimmy know about the baby?" "No, no one, just you." What the women didn't know was Kid was on the top step and had heard every last word. Kid froze, heartbroken. How could she do this to him? He had just thought that it all was working out. Their future?Wait, she didn't do this, that damn son of a bitch Jimmy did this. He pushed himself on her and this is what happened. This explains the way he has been acting the last few months. He got what he wanted and then treated her like dirt! It is true, I can see the guilt in his eyes now! Now he had taken away his future with her as well and ruined her life! He made her a two bit whore! Kid jumped from the steps and stormed to the barn where he knew a weak Jimmy waited. Chapter 9 Buck looked up as someone rushed in the door. Jimmy was half asleep, propped up by the back wall. He started nodding off as Buck was talking. Buck noticed but kept on chatting. Jimmy needed rest. Kid stopped in front of Jimmy. Buck just looked on at the scene playing out in front of him. "Git up you son of a bitch!" Screamed Kid. Jimmy woke and saw Kid standing over him. His face kinda dropped like he knew what this was about. Jimmy hauled his aching body to his feet clutching his chest. "Kid." Jimmy stated. "What the hell is wrong you! You were my best friend! Now you have taken everything close to me away, don't you understand what you have done! To me and to her! I hate you, you bastard!" "Kid I'm sorry." Jimmy looked down. "What! That is what you got to say, you are sorry! I am gonna kill you right here, right now for this!" Buck saw this escalating too fast. Buck pushed against Kid. "Kid now is not the time. Whatever this is. Jimmy can't defend himself, go cool off. Please." Said Buck. Buck stood between his two friends. He saw the raging fire in Kid's eyes. Saw silent resignation in Jimmy's. Kid shoved Buck out the way and lunged on Jimmy. Jimmy still weak from before couldn't brace himself for the blow. Both men fell hard on the ground. Kid sat on his chest and started hitting him. Over and over again. Jimmy made no move to retaliate. He just put his hands up to try to take some of the blows. He felt his wrist snap again. He cried out in pain. Kid connected with his face again and again. He couldn't breathe, he was suffocating. He could feel the blood run down his face, taste it. He couldn't breathe, his chest a mound of pain. God he couldn't breathe. He was gasping. Next thing he knew Kid was pulled off him. He saw Buck trying hard to subdue Kid. Buck hit Kid as hard as he could. This only infuriated Kid. Kid hit Buck and he stumbled. Jimmy then saw Kid pick up the shovel and spin around as Buck came back at him. He hit Buck on the side of his head. His head snapped back and Buck fell to the ground. Jimmy knew then that Kid was going to kill him. He had never seen this much anger from him before. He had lost it completely. He turned and tried to crawl away. His ribs were aching now, and he could only take shallow breaths. He only had one good arm. It wasn't long before Kid walked over him and kicked him hard in the ribs. Jimmy gasped and cried out. Kid kicked him again and again. Jimmy knew this was it. He knew he deserved this, but still something inside told him to try to get away. He pushed Kid with his foot which caused him to loose his footing briefly. Jimmy tried to push himself up and run. He couldn't. He stood but didn't have the strength to run. Kid still had the shovel in his hand and swung it at him. It connected with his side, cutting him deep, blood now running down his side and leg. Jimmy screamed again. He fell backwards into the dirt. Everything was getting foggy. He heard voices, shouting. He looked up, all he saw was Kid with the shovel, saw him lift it to swing toward him and swiftly darkness. Cody came flying into the barn at the sound of the chaos going on inside. He hit the door and started screaming for Teaspoon. Ike came running out of the bunkhouse. Ike and Teaspoon came upon the scene at the same time. Cody had threw himself on the Kid. Trying to hold him down. Ike ran to help Cody. Teaspoon looked around. He felt utterly helpless. There was so much blood. His boys.... His boys. What happened? Rachel and Lou came running from the house. As they looked inside, they both gasped. Teaspoon just stood there at the entrance unmoving. Louise flew to Jimmy. "Jimmy, Jimmy, please , please!" Rachel was soon by her side. "Rachel, he killed him, oh my God, he killed him Rachel!" Rachel touched Jimmy's neck. He was breathing. His pulse weak. "Someone get the doc, he is barely breathing!" "Rachel, help him, please!" "I am trying honey, put pressure on this cut. Let's turn him sideways so the blood won't choke him." There was blood running out from everywhere. It was hard to tell where it was coming from. Teaspoon just stood in complete shock. "Teaspoon! Teaspoon! Help us!" Cody called. He snapped out of it. He ran over, grabbed some rope and tied Kid to the barn post while Cody and Ike held him in place. Once Kid was contained, he looked over the destruction. He ran over to Rachel and Lou. Lou was now sobbing and shaking uncontrollably. "Cody go get help!" Yelled Teaspoon Jimmy didn't look like he was breathing. Blood covered his face, his shirt. Rachel was trying to hold him on his side. Teaspoon pushed Lou out the way and took over holding pressure on his side. Blood flowed freely from his mouth and nose. It didn't look good. Ike looked for Buck. He knew Buck had been in there with Jimmy. He spotted him laying by a stall in the hay, motionless. He ran to him. Buck was on his back, blood on the side of his face. Ike shook him. Buck jumped up, startled. "Kid! Jimmy! No!" Ike turned Buck to face him. Buck looked at Ike, his eyes wide with fear. He gingerly touched his head. Man everything was fuzzy. Ike made him lay back down. 'The doc is on the way Buck. Please be still.' Signed Ike. "I'm ok Ike. Just got a headache. Jimmy? Kid?" 'Kid is tied up at the moment. Jimmy ...... isn't good.' Signed Ike. Buck leaned back, feeling defeated. What was going on with his friends? Cody came rushing in with the doc, feeling like it had taken hours instead of minutes. Kid had since stopped struggling against the ropes and just sat there, staring. Lou was still sobbing. Buck was confused. Rachel and Teaspoon were holding onto Jimmy in silence. Jimmy was barely breathing. The doc came to Jimmy first. "My God Teaspoon! What the hell happened in here!" "No time, please see if you can help him!" "This is bad Teaspoon! We need to get him off this floor and to some where clean." Said Doc "My house!" cried Rachel. Cody, Teaspoon, and Doc picked Jimmy up and carried him inside. Ike helped Buck to the house. Rachel hugged Lou and pulled her along. They left Kid tied to the pole. "What about Kid Teaspoon?" Asked Cody "We will deal with him after awhile, he ain't going nowhere." They laid Jimmy out on Rachel's long table not caring to remove the tablecloth. Blood still poured from his face and side. He was struggling to breathe. Ike sat with Lou on the porch swing. Buck sat in a rocking chair holding a rag to his head while Cody sat on the steps. No one said a word. Teaspoon and Rachel stayed in with the Doc. An hour went by, then almost another. Nothing. No one came out, just silence. Finally Teaspoon stepped through the door. The look on his face said it all. Ike and Buck looked at their feet. Lou stared into nothing. Cody jumped up. "He ok Teaspoon? Did he make it?" Teaspoon sighed. "Well boys, Doc says he is pretty bad. His ribs have been injured again. His wrist broken again. His nose broken, and probably some bones in his face. There is bruising on his back. He is not sure how that will turn out. He keeps bleeding out his left ear. The cut on his side and the hit to the head are the worst he thinks. He stitched him up best he could. He may make it, he may not. You never know what damage has been done on the inside. It all depends on if'n he wakes up......." With that said, Teaspoon walked away, his head hanging down. Cody went to the door, scared to look inside. The doc was packing up. Leaving instructions for Rachel. Rachel was crying. This was bad. Very bad. Cody turned and ran to the bunkhouse. Tears coming down his face. The doc called to Buck. "Come in son, let me see that head wound." "It's ok doc, I'm fine." "I'll be the judge of that." Buck gave up and went in. The room smelled of blood and cleanser. Buck sat in a chair as the doctor came over. He saw Rachel mopping up blood from the floor. Saw Jimmy deathly still on the table, he couldn't look away from him. The doctor soon blocked his view. "Buck you have a nasty cut here. What did you get hit with?" "A shovel." "A shovel? " "Yes sir." "Well this is a first. Let's stitch this up. You more than likely will have headaches and nausea for a few days. Take it easy and rest as much as you can given all that is going on here." "I will." The doctor finished his stitching, cleaned the wound and stood to leave. He looked to Jimmy. "Rachel, watch him close. Anything unusual, anything at all, you send for me ok?" "I will, thank you Dan." "I'm sorry I can't do more." The doctor soon left. Buck stood slowly and swayed, grabbing the chair. Rachel saw and ran to him. "Buck, why don't you stay here also and lie down. They will be moving Jimmy to bed soon, it will be quiet here. I can put you on the couch." "I just need to see Jimmy, Rachel. Then I will lay down." They walked over to the table. Buck took in every detail. The wound to the side of his head, the blackened eyes, broken nose, split lips. He looked at his chest. Bruises coming up all over. Saw all the bandages, all the dried blood. He listened to the barely audible rasp of his breathing. Buck suddenly felt sick, he ran to the basin and vomited. Rachel ran behind him. "Buck! Buck! Are you alright?" "Rachel I was in there, I couldn't help him! I have never seen Kid so mad before! He may have just killed his best friend! I don't have a clue why!" "Oh Buck honey, let this settle. It isn't your fault. You tried your best to help him. Come lay down. Rest. You will feel better when you wake up. I will be right here." Buck settled on the couch, exhaustion taking him over. Rachel covered him with a quilt. Chapter 10 Teaspoon and Cody went to the barn after collecting themselves. Kid stared at them. "We are taking you to the jail Kid. I can't trust you around the boys. Your anger got the best of you." Stated Teaspoon. "I want him dead Teaspoon." "Well you might have gotten your wish." Kid fell silent. Had he indeed killed his best friend? Should he feel remorse? He didn't. He let them lead him to the jailhouse without any problems. Teaspoon locked him up. "I don't know what the hell got in your mind Kid. But I hope Jimmy pulls through for your sake." Teaspoon said. Kid sat back on the cot. Nothing left to say. Almost a week went by. No change in Jimmy's condition. He just lay there, struggling to breathe. Rachel was depressed at most. She did what she could for him but she had hoped him to be awake by now. Lou sat with him everyday. She talked as if he were answering her. She told him about the baby. His baby. How she wished she had done some things differently. She told him she loved him even if his stubborn self couldn't see it. She never went to visit Kid. Not once. Kid just sat in jail, waiting on Jimmy to decide on whether to live or die. He spoke to no one. Didn't eat. He just sat there, the anger still smoldering. Teaspoon knew it was time for it all to come to light. They had been ignoring the events that led up to this for too long. Supper tonight, was time to come clean. As they all sat for dinner.... "So boys and girl, it's time to come clean. Lou we need to know it all. We don't understand how and why this happened." Lou took a calming breath. She had already spoke with Rachel. She knew this was coming. She had to tell her secret sooner or later. All eyes were on her . Rachel went and took her hand. She gave her a slight nod. "Well," she began, "when Jimmy and I went to Willow Springs, I was upset over Kid. Jimmy bought me a dress, took me to dinner and a fair. ....." She recalled how Hopkins took her. How Jimmy saved her but she still left out the nights later events. She did tell them she wanted to try a relationship with Jimmy but he refused. Pushed her towards Kid. She told them she knew the guilt was eating at him and it was her fault for not saying anything. If she had, maybe he never would have hurt himself. She then told them she wouldn't be riding anymore. She was pregnant with Jimmy's baby.. All eyes fell on her again. Everyone held their breath. Teaspoon broke the silence. "So........ you are expecting?" "Yes sir. Bout three months along." "And it's Jimmy's?" "Yeah. No doubt." "Willow springs huh?" "Willow springs." "Kid find out?" "I didn't tell him. I only told Rachel and that was right before all this happened." Teaspoon put his fork down and looked at his plate. "When he came in from his ride, I sent him to get Rachel for me. He must have heard. Lordy Lord.....This is my fault." Teaspoon stood up. "I need a walk." "Please Teaspoon, this isn't your fault, it is mine. I loved two men. Two friends. I have tore this family apart. I drug them both along. I am so sorry. I am a horrible person! I have been thinking of leaving. I think it is best." He looked at Lou. She was crying again. He went and hugged her. "Louise, you will not leave us. We will help you through all this. We will be here for Jimmy when he wakes and y'all will get through this. Kid knows he did wrong. He has to live with that. We will make this work. We have to." He hugged her tightly until the crying stopped. The others sat, looking down at their hands. Chapter 11 Jimmy felt a tugging at his eyes. His mind was so blurry. He felt himself stirring inside. He opened his eyes. He couldn't see, he knew his eyes were open but he couldn't see! He frantically felt his surroundings. His right hand throbbed. He moved his left. He felt bandages and quilts. He tried to scream. Nothing came out. His entire body hurt. Was he dead? No, no there was too much pain. Fuck was he in pain. He finally got some noise to push out. He began coughing. The door burst open, hands were on him. Two maybe four. He couldn't tell. They lifted him and he coughed til he could no more. They laid him back down. "Jimmy?" "Jimmy?" It was Rachel's and Teaspoon's voices. He could faintly hear them but he couldn't see. Finally one eye began clearing. He thought he saw them. Thank God. He tried to say something. Was that his voice? Rachel was crying, it looked like Teaspoon was also. What the hell was going on? He could only force a whisper . "What's wrong with me?" Whispered Jimmy. "Son it's alright, you been out for quite awhile. Just calm down." Panic set in. Jimmy started wheezing. "What's wrong with me?" "Jimmy honey it's ok, we are here, please relax." Soothed Rachel. "Can't hear you.. can't see you ... Can't breathe....." Rachel looked at Teaspoon. "I'll get the doctor." Teaspoon rushed out. "Hurts Rachel. Everything hurts. My hand. can't feel...." "Shhh, shhh now, It is broken again Jimmy but it is fine. It is healing." His voice was getting a little better. "I feel numb Rachel. I feel sick." "Jimmy calm down. Teaspoon went for the doctor. Honey I know it hurts, please just try to relax." "I'm going to be sick." Jimmy couldn't stop the rising panic. His heart began racing and he starting trying to vomit. Rachel tried her best to ease him up. He heaved. God this hurt. God he should have died. This was too much. The pain was overbearing. He began to cry. Rachel was trying her best to soothe him but was falling apart at his show of emotions. Teaspoon came back in with the doctor to find Jimmy shaking and sweating profusely. Rachel humming to him, a damp cloth on his forehead. "Son calm down now, the doc is here. He is going to ask you some questions and help your pain." "Jimmy can you talk?" "Yes." "Can you tell me how you feel?" "I hurt. I feel numb, I don't know just .... It hurts so bad. Going to be sick again." He was trying not to cough. Jimmy began to cry again and tremble all over. The doc grabbed his laudanum. He made him drink a hefty dose. Jimmy choked it down and began to cough heavily. As he was coughing, his eyes slowly flickered closed, his head sunk back in the pillows and then he was out. Teaspoon looked at the doctor. "Teaspoon I didn't ask any more questions. He couldn't handle it at this point. The next few days I think he should wake only to eat and drink some if possible. His wounds are too serious. He can't handle the pain right now. I am leaving the bottle of laudanum with you. Give it to him, make him stay asleep at least for the next few days. He will come to grips with this. He is a strong boy. I think he will be alright." "Doc, I really appreciate all of this. Someone will sit him day and night." He looked down at Jimmy. "Teaspoon, what exactly happened here?" Teaspoon related the events leading up to this. Doc could not believe that Kid had done this. He could truthfully understand all the hurt involved but he never thought this of Kid. "Doc, if we could, let's keep all this between us. No one else in town knows anything other than Jimmy got hurt breaking a horse. Let's keep it that way for now. I don't want any folks having hard feelings toward Kid or Jimmy. These boys are like my own." "Don't worry Teaspoon, I never doctor and tell. Don't hesitate to send for me." "Thanks Doc. I still don't know how I am going to handle all this." "You will find a way my friend." The doctor turned to leave but Teaspoon stopped him. "Oh by the way doc, could you stop by the jail on your way home? Kid is still locked up for now but he has a nasty cut on his knuckles. It has been almost a week and appears to be getting infection. Cody is there now." "Sure thing, on my way now." He patted him on the shoulder. The doctor left. Teaspoon looked over to Rachel, now sitting on the edge of the bed again. She was gazing at a sleeping Jimmy. Tears falling softly. "Rachel go get some rest. He will be out the rest of the night. I will get Noah to take first watch." Rachel turned and followed him out the room. Chapter 12 The doctor headed to the jail. He found Cody at the desk reading. Kid was in the cell, laying with his arm over his eyes. "How is it Cody?" Asked Doc. "Oh hey Doc! It has been quiet." "That's a good thing I reckon. Teaspoon will more than likely be along shortly." "Good I am starving to death." "I bet you are." chuckled Doc. "Teaspoon wants me to take a look at Kid's hand. Can you open the cell?" "No problem, he has just been lying there mostly. Thinking I guess." "He won't be a problem. Kid is a good boy just confused right now." The doc went in the cell. Kid sat up but made no attempt to talk. "Let's see what we got here Kid. Does look kinda nasty. Let's clean this and get it wrapped. " Kid sat in silence while Doc tended to his hand. Doc made small talk mostly for himself to hear. "Hello?" A petite lady poked her head in the office. "Yes ma'am. Can I help you?" Asked Cody. "Is the Marshal here? I need help! Someone grabbed my purse and pushed me down in front of Thompkins!" "He is out right now but by name is Cody. I can help. Can you describe the person?" Asked Cody. "I'm not sure, I just know he went behind the saloon!" "Doc I have to run, will you be ok? I will be right back." "Sure like I said, Kid is a good boy. Go on, I will finish up and wait for you to get back afore I leave." Said Doc. Cody ran out behind the young lady towards the saloon. Kid looked at old doc. "I'm sorry Doc." Whispered Kid. "What son?" Teaspoon came walking back to the office. Time to relieve Cody. He hadn't meant to stay this long but Jimmy waking up and the state he was in upon waking was weighing on his mind. He came to the door and saw Cody coming across the street dragging a young boy. "What the hell?" "He pushed Miss Mary down in front of Thompkins, Teaspoon. He grabbed her purse and ran. I caught him behind the saloon." Cody told Teaspoon. "Little Red, I done told you about this. You can't steal from people! I am locking you up this time overnight. Then I am going to get your ma." "Please don't get her, just let me stay locked up! I won't do it again! She will beat my ass!" Cried Red "Watch ur language. Come on. I will think it over." They pushed the young boy into the jail. They froze. Doc was on the floor. The cell was open. Kid was gone. Chapter 13 When Jimmy woke later the next morning, he again tried to focus his eyes. One was hazy but he could see somewhat. The other nothing. Panic again started to take hold, he tried to push it down. He looked over and thought it could be Noah in the chair. "Noah? Is that you?" "Yeah, it's me. Let me get you some water." Noah said. Noah got up and walked over. He lifted the glass to Jimmy. He took a sip then shook his head. "Jimmy you got to get liquids in you. You can't lie there and waste away. I know it is hard but try for us." "I can't right now." Jimmy whispered. "Well you are going to be ok now. We didn't think you would wake up. Been a lot of tears shed in this room past few days." "I can hardly hear you Noah. I can't really see you either. I can't move. It hurts." "It will be ok man. A few days this will pass and you will be up moving like nothing happened." "I don't know. He should have killed me." "Please don't say that. You have so much to live for." "What do you mean? I just need to go ahead and die. Everyone would be better without me here." "If I hear anything like that again, I will beat your ass myself. Here take this. Rachel set it out. Go back to sleep. You need more rest than anything. I ain't giving you but half cause you gonna git up and eat dinner today. You helped me back when, so I am damn sure gonna make it so that you don't give up." "I should have died. I deserved it." Noah went to say more, but Jimmy was asleep. Noah had to use the outhouse. He walked down the stairs. Teaspoon caught him at the door. "I'm just going to the outhouse, and I will be right back. " "You needin a break son?" Asked Teaspoon. "Not yet, I won't to make sure that he eats. He woke for a few." "How was it?" "He kept saying he should have died. That we all would be better off. He is hurting real bad. I ain't gonna let him just lay there and die Teaspoon. He pulled me out a hard spot and I intend to return the favor." With that he walked off. "Oh Noah, come by the bunkhouse after. I got something to tell all y'all. Won't take long, Jimmy should be fine for a few." "Ok Teaspoon." Fifteen minutes later.... "Boys and girls. I got some news. Ain't sure what to make of it and ain't sure how y'all gonna take it. But. Kid escaped. He is gone." Everyone jumped, shocked, except Cody. He looked down. "It ain't your fault Cody. I sent the doc to tend to his hand. You had the town to look after also. I had no clue he would do this." "What happened Teaspoon? How?" Asked Rachel "Doc went in to tend to his hand after I asked him to. Kid still is one of my boys no matter what has happened. Cody had a young lady come, her purse was taken. It was Little Red Wilson again. While Cody was taking care of this, Kid punched Doc. He fled. Doc said all he remembers was wrapping Kid's hand, Kid said he was sorry, then nothing else. I don't know where he is." "You think he will come after Jimmy again? Surely this was just a one time thing." Said Lou. "I ain't sure of anything anymore. Someone will be with Jimmy around the clock. So that is all, Noah head on back up. I don't want him alone anymore but I doubt Kid will do anything else. He is a good levelheaded boy. He just let his anger get to him." "I can't trust him anymore Teaspoon. I don't. I am scared of him. ....." Said Lou. "Again we will watch the station, we are going to get through this. Meanwhile, I am going to try to find Kid. Hopefully he'll just turn up." Stated Teaspoon. The room was dark even though it was around lunchtime. The curtains had been drawn. Kid leaned against the door. He looked at what used to be his best friend. His face was still swollen, the bruises going from purple to green now. The wound on his head and side still wrapped. He was breathing very shallow. But he was alive. Kid came to stand over the bed. "I meant to kill you, you know. I hate you. I put my trust in you and you took everything from me. I confided in you. Now because of you, I am the bad guy. The evil one. I hope you remember this for as long as you live. I hate you." Kid was shaking with anger. He stopped and took a moment. Now was not the time, he knew they were watching for him. "I am gone Jimmy. But I just wanted to let you know one last thing. I will be around. I will hate you forever. You just wait and see." With those last words, Kid turned to leave. He heard footsteps coming up the porch stairs. He left through the window. Noah thought he heard someone talking as he got close to the front door. . It couldn't be. He took the steps two at a time. He burst through the door and looked around. Jimmy was sleeping peacefully. But the quilt on him had been pulled back to reveal his chest and the window was open. He ran to the window. He saw a rider riding hard on the horizon. It had to be Kid. He ran yelling for Teaspoon. Chapter 14 They didn't pursue Kid. Teaspoon thought he may have come to have a last say. He still loved Kid after all. He couldn't bring himself to hunt down one of his boys. Kid just needed time to make amends with himself. He was sure of it. Things around the station had began to get back to normal. Jimmy had finally started improving physically. Lou had taken up sitting with him every day. She told him again that she loved him. He still would not hear of anything about it. She finally told him of the baby. He was shocked, panicked. He withdrew into himself for a while. He still had no hearing or eyesight on one side, the side that took the brunt of the hit. He was laid up for about a month before he even tried to stand. Teaspoon was the one to finally urge him to get up. Now he walked somewhat unsturdy around the station. Noah pushed him everyday until he got him so mad that he got up. Cody, in his own way, took the time to place things at random places all around the station so Jimmy could walk and sit when he got winded. Buck never strayed too far. He kept one eye on Jimmy but Jimmy never knew this. When Buck was gone, Ike took over. Jimmy still had not discussed Lou or his baby. He just kept silent and walked, sat, and went right back to his room. Day after day, they pushed him. They were relentless. Slowly he began to move more out of the darkness into the light. But he was scared. Scared of a gunfighter sneaking up on him cause he couldn't hear, scared of being called out and not acting. He could only see out of one eye, the other was just a blur. They would shoot him easily. He wouldn't leave the station. Teaspoon thought enough was enough. He followed Jimmy on his usual walk, waited for him to sit. He sat beside him. "Son, this ain't helping nobody." Said Teaspoon quietly. Silence. "What's done is done. Time to move forward." Silence. "Reckon you still ain't talkin." Grunt. "Lou loves you Jimmy. She wants you and only you. She is having your child. You and her should be happy. A baby is a blessing to anyone." "Why should I? Look what I am, what I've done." "What are you son?" Grunt. "Louise will stick by you no matter what. You know that." Said Teaspoon. "I do know that Teaspoon. She has told me as much. That is why I don't want her to! I am nothing but trouble. Look what I drove my best friend to! I wrecked Lou's life! I make poor decisions Teaspoon! I ain't fit to be no husband or dad. Now I ain't even whole. It's just a matter of time fore some jackass with a gun comes calling. And when that happens, I'm gonna die Teaspoon." "Son, that ain't true. People make mistakes. That is what makes us who we are. This happened for a reason. Who knows how Kid would have turned out. Lou might have married him and lived in misery. He might of beat her Jimmy. She may have pined for the one she truly wanted but didn't want her. If you ask me, all this is a good thing. It's time to change things son. This has given you a way out of your old life. Lou will help you heal. You will make her happy. This baby will heal you both. This family will save you if you let it." Jimmy looked at Teaspoon. "I can't even see that well. How can I provide for them?" "Just let them make you happy. The rest will come." Teaspoon stood and left. Jimmy sat thinking on what he said. The following weeks, Jimmy starting talking more with Lou. He found that everything just came natural with them. He began to smile and she pulled him into the light. He moved around more every day. His wounds were healing. He felt alive again. Lou picked him up in the buckboard one afternoon since he still could not fully ride. She took him to the pond. They sat and talked. Jimmy stared at the water. "Louise, I have been an ass. I am sorry for the way I treated you. I just felt that I had done the worst kind of betrayal. I felt low, sick. I still feel like a lost cause, a waste of space." "Jimmy I love you. I always have. I think what happened was what was meant to happen for me to see my way. And my way is sitting here beside me." Said Louise. "I ain't a whole man anymore Lou. How will I provide for a family?" "We will do it together. I will love you no matter what. You are my best friend. You will be a great father, and hopefully a husband one day if I get my way." She giggled. "I love you Lou. Thanks for not giving up on me. I guess you saved me this time around." They sat holding hands til the night came. Jimmy and Lou married beside that same pond. Lou was about seven months pregnant at the time. She didn't want to wait til after the baby was born. Jimmy was back to his old self mostly. He had a few scars, inside and out to keep as a reminder. He often thought of his actions and where Kid was. Teaspoon and the boys helped them build a fine cottage right on the station grounds. Jimmy ended up following some advice from Teaspoon. He changed his last name to McCloud. No more James Hickok. Hopefully no one would ever put two and two together. His hearing never returned on that one side and his eyesight never improved on that same side. He was learning to live with it. Louise took his ivory handled revolvers and locked them in a trunk upstairs. She knew he was recognized by them. She surprised him with a new black revolver and holster. He didn't have to be Wild Bill anymore. His life was finally falling into place. Their son was born not long after the house was built. They named him Hunter in honor of Teaspoon. The man, the father, who saved them both. The express ended shortly after. Buck and Ike stayed on at the station. Between Jimmy, Buck, Ike and Teaspoon, they built a thriving horse and cattle ranch. Buck and Ike lived in the old bunkhouse. Cody left for the army and bigger things or so he said but he visited often. Noah met a fine young lady named Cassie. They married and lived in town. They were expecting their first child. Teaspoon married Rachel the next year. He now lived in her house. Life was good. Life was beginning. Jimmy sat next to Lou and Hunter on the swing one afternoon watching the sun set. "Do you miss it Jimmy?" Asked Lou. "Miss what?" "The life of adventure and danger." "Can't say that I do." "You ever think of Kid?" " Quite often. I hope he and I cross paths again. I need to know he is alright, that I am sorry. " "Sorry?" "I went about this all wrong. I should have went to him from the start. Told him how I felt towards you. Got the anger out. He might still be here today." "He might also have done the exact same thing as well. His temper was horrible when he got out of control." "I know but I also kinda need to thank him. He put me in my place. I had to stop and see what was in front of me. I had to change my life because of him. He actually did me, us a favor. I can never hate him. I still hate myself sometimes though." "Jimmy, don't ever hate yourself. I am the happiest person in the world right now. Things went wrong, people got hurt, but we grew up and now look at what we got." "I know Lou. I can't ever forget though. " "I know. Me either." "I love you Lou." "I love you Jimmy." Jimmy picked up his son and held him tight. A little replica of himself. He smiled. The happy family didn't realize that sitting on the horizon watching them with hurt and anger in his eyes was Kid. I hate him. I hate Jimmy Hickok. If I am miserable, then he will be too. The time will come soon enough. Yes, his time will come. The End Drop me a note and let me know what you thought!