|
Pulling on the reins of his horse so that they stopped their long and dusty journey, Jimmy sat and stared into the distance. He could just make out the town of Rock Creek, the town that had held so many memories for him, both good and bad. ‘I can’t believe it’s been two years,' Jimmy thought as he continued looking at the once familiar buildings in the distance. Before he went looking for Teaspoon or Rachel, he had one very important stop to make. Feeling that the visit was long over due, he made for the white picket fence enclosed cemetery on the outskirts of town. As he tethered his horse, he felt a sadness wash over him, one he'd never thought he'd have to experience. Walking through the gate, he headed to the far left corner where a single marker stood, a familiar name written upon it. Kneeling down beside it, a gloved finger traced the name upon it, Louise McCloud 1861. Taking a deep breath, Jimmy closed his eyes for a moment, remembering the young woman who had meant the world to him. "What I wouldn't have done for you…" his husky voice whispered. Shaking his head he silently asked, "How did this happen? How come Kid chose that time of all times to not be over protective? You were married only a day for gods sake…" Jimmy was lost in the memory of that day, the day when Louise was taken from them all. She and Kid had been married the day before and it looked like her dreams were all coming true. Until the family saddled up to go after Noah's killers. No one had been more surprised to see her there than him. He couldn't believe it when Kid and Lou had rode up, intent on going after the murdering bastards who took the life of one of their family. For months, Kid had been constantly trying to get Lou to remain behind when things looked like they could be dangerous and that day, of all days when she should have stayed home, content to be the new bride, there she was riding off after the bad guys once more. Jimmy had planned on having a word about it with Kid when they returned but fate had a different plan in store for them all. More nights then he could count, he'd relived the nightmare in slow motion…the chase, the fight that ensued when they'd found Noah's killers. All of that paled when it came to seeing a bullet hit Lou, sending her flying backwards off her horse and onto the ground. Kid was ahead of her and didn't see her go down, but he had been off to the right and was witness to it all.
He had hollered for Kid but the noise drowned out his voice. He'd jumped from his horse before it had time to stop. Scrambling on the ground next to her, Jimmy lifted her slightly onto his knees, begging her to look at him. He didn't know how long he'd sat like that, with Lou in his arms. All he remembered was Kid pulling him away and taking his place, holding her, crying out her name. He had been too late. By the time they'd rounded up the men they were after and he had realized that Lou wasn't with them, Kid had raced back, looking for her only to find Jimmy where he should have been…with his wife. The shock of Lou's death was devastating on him. He refused to talk to Kid or Rachel, both of whom tried to get him to open up, to mourn the loss of his friend but he couldn't. Every time Kid came near, in his mind all he could do was blame him for Lou's death. He felt that if he said anything to Kid, all the anger and pain that he was bottling up inside would blind him and he might do bodily harm to his friend, so he kept silent. Until the day after Noah and Lou's funeral. Kid had been grieving for his dead wife when Jimmy walked into the bunkhouse. Just the words that were being said triggered something in him and he couldn't contain himself anymore. Jimmy came around the table and pulled Kid out of the chair he'd been sitting in by the front of his shirt. Only inches from Kid's face, Jimmy spat out in anger "It's all your fault she's dead Kid! For months you'd been goin' on about her staying behind where it was safe…You let her go! You killed her!" Cody and Teaspoon had tried to get Jimmy to back off of Kid, to let him go but Jimmy's fists held fast onto Kid's shirt. "Why?" he demanded, anger turning to sorrow, his voice cracking as he asked it again. "Because of you Lou is dead!" Kid couldn't take it anymore and yelled, "She made me promise not to ever ride without her again. What was I supposed to do?" "And you promised to keep her safe when you married her." Even though he knew he was pushing things a bit to far, he couldn't help spitting out, "Which is worse Kid, not keeping your promise to not ride without her or the fact that you failed to keep Lou safe?" Letting go of Kid's shirt, Jimmy looked at the man in disgust. "I hope you can live with the fact that because of you, your bride is dead." Kid's blue eyes were red from crying but they met Jimmy's steely brown ones dead on. "Noah was family…" Jimmy shook his head, anger still clouding his thoughts. If he'd been thinking straight, he would have known that that one sentence rung true for how all of them felt about each other. "So was Lou...." he yelled before storming out the door and not going back.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Two fingers touched his lips and then the ground in front of the marker. "You're more then a memory to me…" he whispered before standing up. Giving Louise's last resting place one final look, he walked out of the cemetery.It had been hard. Much harder then he'd thought it would be, stopping there to 'visit' with her. He'd felt bad over the last two years for not visiting but he couldn't make himself return, couldn't make himself go back to where they'd laid the woman who'd meant so much to him. Putting his hat on firmly, Jimmy got back into the saddle and headed into town. Tompkins Store was still open he noticed so he stopped in front of it knowing if Teaspoon or Rachel were still in town, the shopkeeper would know. Several women were leaving the store when Jimmy was entering and he held the door for them. "Ladies," he said with a slight smile. He rolled his eyes once they'd passed him, giggling and twittering to each other behind gloved hands. "Well if it ain't Hickok!" a crusty voice boomed from behind the counter. "Didn't think I'd ever see you again," Tompkins told him as he walked up to where the man stood watching him. "Wasn't sure I'd ever see you again Tompkins. Since I was heading east, I figured I'd stop by and see if Teaspoon or Rachel were still in town." Nodding, Tompkins told him, "Teaspoon's still the law around here. Rachel married a carpenter about a year back. Lives down by the creek." "Thank you," Jimmy said, eager to find Teaspoon when a question from the shopkeeper stopped him. "Heading east you say? You ain't joining the fighting are you?" "Actually, I am. Have a good day Mr. Tompkins," he said, grinning at the look of shock and surprise upon the older man's face. Muttering to him self and shaking his head in disbelief, Tompkins watched Jimmy walk out of the shop.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Peeking in the window to the marshal's office, Jimmy couldn't help but grin at the sight inside. There was Teaspoon Hunter, feet crossed up on the desk, hat pulled down over his eyes, snoring loud enough to be heard through the closed door.Quietly turning the door handle, Jimmy eased the door open then sent it flying against the wall with a loud bang. "Wha…what?!" Teaspoon yelled, losing his balance in the chair and almost falling over backwards as his feet came off the desktop. "Things sure haven't changed around here since I left," Jimmy teased, holding out a hand to the man who used to be his boss and mentor. "Jimmy? Well, I'll be danged!" Teaspoon blurted grasping Jimmy's hand then pulling him into a hug. "Thought I might need to have my eyes checked there for a moment," Teaspoon told the man standing before him as his eyes drank in the sight of one of his long lost sons. "Where the heck you been?" he asked offering a chair to Jimmy and sitting back down in his. "Oh, here and there," Jimmy remarked, noticing that Teaspoon had aged since he last seen him. Lines were etched a little deeper and there was an air of sadness that didn't quiet disappear even though Teaspoon wore a smile upon his face. "You back for a spell or you gonna be leavin' right away?" Teaspoon asked, taking a long look at his long lost son. Jimmy knew that his next news would shock the old man. "I'm only here for a few days. I have to report for duty in two weeks." Teaspoon's eyebrows raised in surprise. "Don't tell me you've went and enlisted?!" Nodding, Jimmy grinned. "Sure have. I've been with George Custer for a while now and am on my way east to join up with General Sherman himself!" Teaspoon was duly impressed. He'd read of General Sherman in the papers and the man was making quite a name for himself. "I have to say, I'm quite surprised you joined the Army son. I know you and the others gave Cody a hard time when he went and joined up. Then there's the matter of Kid…" his voice trailed off. There had been hard feelings between Jimmy and Kid when the young man had left Rock Creek two years earlier and Teaspoon wasn't sure they'd softened any. Jimmy wasn't really curious but still asked, "What about him?" When he'd left, he hadn't been in touch with any of the family. He just couldn't bring himself to write to Rachel, knowing she'd read between the lines what he was feeling and he couldn't expose himself like that to anyone at the time, not when Lou's death was still so painful. "Kid went back east after Lou's death, intent on joining the fighting." Teaspoon noticed the frown and look of anger mixed with sadness that passed over Jimmy's face at the mention of Lou. The young man had been in love with the petite female rider though he never acted on his feelings out of respect for the man who had been his friend at one time and Teaspoon had known it and respected him for it. "I'd rather not talk about him if you don't mind," Jimmy said dismissing the subject that would only get him all riled up.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Jimmy only spent several days in Rock Creek visiting with Teaspoon and Rachel and her husband, needing to get to Washington, D.C. to deliver so missives and letters from General Custer to his superiors.He'd finished delivering the papers he brought with him and was standing in the vestibule of the capital building when a man came rushing in the front door and past where Jimmy was talking with several men. For a moment Jimmy thought he was hallucinating, thinking he knew the man from his Express days but assured himself he was wrong. He was still talking with the men when the man came hurrying down the stairs, heading for the door. This time, Jimmy got a good look at him and his eyes widened in shock. Excusing himself from the men he'd been speaking to, he walked quickly to intercept the man before he reached to door. "Kid?" he asked, still unsure how the quiet spoken Southerner would be there before him wearing Union blue. The man stopped and turned towards the voice. "Jimmy?! What the heck are you doing here?" Kid asked, coming up to him and embracing him heartily. Jimmy found it hard having Kid give him a hug like they were still the very closest of friends. "I could ask the same of you Kid," Jimmy told him stiffly, moving back from the hug. "What the hell are you doing wearing blue? We all thought you planned on fighting for the South if war broke out." Kid grinned at the misassumption. "No one ever asked and I didn't see that I needed to say any different. There's thousands of Virginians fighting for the North, Jimmy." Jimmy's brows rose slightly. Kid was right, they'd all just assumed Kid would fight for the Southern Cause. "I guess you're right there Kid…we all assumed." As the two men went outside and stopped on the top step of the capital building, Jimmy had to know, "So, what are you doing here Kid?" Kid grinned. "Looks like my time with the Express came in handy. When I was signing up and they found out I'd been a rider, they couldn't get me here fast enough to be a courier. I am one of the President's personal messengers to his Generals. Katy is still as fast as when we raced over the Territories." Seeing that the sun was nearing the western horizon, Kid turned towards his old friend. "I really need to get home. I've been gone for the last week. Why don't you stop by for dinner tomorrow? Say six?" Jimmy really didn't want to go to dinner at Kid's but he knew Rachel would have his hide if he didn't be friendly and find out how Kid had been doing since he left Rock Creek and give her a full detailed report afterwards. At his nod of acceptance, Kid started down the steps calling over his shoulder, "Number 10 on Park Street. Don't be late, there's someone I want you to meet!" With a sigh, Jimmy started down the steps, feeling the need to find somewhere to get himself a strong drink of whiskey.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ The feeling that he should be going to Kid's for dinner plagued him all the next day and only got stronger as he walked up the steps to knock on the door of Number 10 Park Street.Kid himself opened the door and welcomed him in like a long lost brother, much to Jimmy chagrin seeing how they'd parted two years earlier. Looking around the entryway, Jimmy was quite impressed. From the rather humbleness of the Express to where the former rider was residing now, things had certainly changed for Kid in a big way. "Some place you have here, Kid," Jimmy couldn't help saying as he was led into the parlor.
"My wife's father bought it for us," he said hurrying over to a wooden cradle by the fireplace. He reached down and picked up a bundle in blankets and walked to where Jimmy still stood just inside the doorway, watching him. "Of course sweetheart." He looked to Jimmy and then back again at his wife. "Jimmy I'd like to introduce you to my wife Gwendolyn. This is James Hickok, an old friend from when I rode with the Pony Express." Jimmy looked confused. "Christopher?" Kid looked sheepishly at him, nodding. "Yeah. Gwen didn't like the nickname Kid and insisted on calling me by my Christian name." Jimmy's eyebrows rose. " All the times we tried getting you to tell us your name and you refused and she asks and you tell her?" He shook his head in disbelief. Who was this man standing in front of him? He didn't recognize him anymore. Before Jimmy or Gwen could say anything else, Kid moved to Jimmy's side and lifted the blanket to show off a little, pink face that was lost in slumber. "Her name's Louise…" he whispered, love radiating from his face as he gazed down at the little baby in his arms. Jimmy's head shot up, rage marring his countenance. "You named her after your dead wife?! The wife you killed!" he bellowed, shocked to no end by this revelation. A gasp from across the room drew Kid's attention as his wife went pale at Jimmy's words. "Dead wife?" Gwen asked, her hand going to her throat, unsure of what was going on. "Now sweetheart," Kid tried to placate his wife, but it wasn't working and he threw Jimmy a look that spoke volumes. "Don't you sweetheart me Christopher McCloud!" she said loudly, marching over and taking the now awake baby from his arms. This was more then Jimmy could take. "McCloud! You even kept her last name?!" Gwen cried out at the newest revelation about her husband, a man she was fast coming to think she knew nothing at all about. Hysteria could be heard in her voice as she asked, "I have your wife's name and not yours?!" "Jimmy! Would you shut up," Kid hollered glaring at the man who was causing his wife such distress. Jimmy could see that Gwendolyn McCloud was getting highly agitated and he couldn't blame her. "Is that why you insisted our daughter be named Louise? Because she was named Louise? Because your other wife had been named that?" Gwen demanded of her husband who looked helpless at the moment, standing in front of her. "Well?!" "It's not what you think sweetheart….please, just let me explain," Kid pleaded but his wife was having none of it. "No!" she stopped him by holding up a hand. "I can't listen to any more…not now. I want you to leave…I need some time to think." Seeing that Christopher was about to protest she added, "And if you won't go, I'm going to tell daddy!" then ran from the room with baby Louise in her arms. Kid's attention was caught at the mention of Gwen's father. He was a high ranking commander in the Army who was a confidant of President Lincoln and not a man Kid wanted to get on the bad side of. Kid's shoulders dropped and he stood for a moment before rounding on the man who he thought was still his friend. "Why couldn't you just keep your mouth shut?" he asked, anger shining in his blue eyes. Trying to keep his own anger in check, Jimmy shook his head at Kid. "What the hell were you thinking? Naming your baby after Lou? You bastard," he swore. His fists were curled, ready to throw the first punch should Kid make a move towards him. Teeth clenched, Kid chose his words carefully, and knowing all too well the telltale signs of Jimmy's barely reined in anger. From the look he was getting from across the room, he had no doubt that it wouldn't take much for the man to kill him. "I think you'd better leave." "I should never have come in the first place," Jimmy admitted, putting his hat back on his head. When he got to the door, with Kid only feet away from him, he turned and looked at him one last time.
He waved his hand around the room, and at the rest of the house. "You may have moved on and gotten over Lou's dying, but I never will. She'll always be more then a memory to me.... She died in MY arms, not yours..."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ May 3rd, 1864 General Sherman's Camp, Tennessee Jimmy rode into Sherman's camp in Nashville near noon. He'd been riding for the past three days straight and couldn't wait to get out of the saddle.As he passed by one of the campfires where several soldiers were fixing their noon day meal, he pulled back on the reins of his horse, surprised to see Kid among the men. Frowning he asked, "What are you doing here Kid?" Kid looked up from his plate of food, surprise evident on his face at seeing Jimmy Hickok. Setting his plate on the ground, he stood up. "I'm part of Sherman's Army now, thanks to you Hickok." Jimmy's eyes narrowed. "What do you mean, thanks to me?" Kid's fist curled at the tone in Jimmy's voice. "Because of you and what you said to my wife, I've been sent into the field you bastard!" The men that were in front of tents nearby watched the confrontation in silence. Many of them knew James Hickok and knew him to be a fair man but the man that he was talking to was unfamiliar to them. "Don't blame me for your problems Kid. Anything that's happened to you sits squarely on your shoulders." Shaking his head, he nudged his horse to start walking away from the ex-Express rider. "If you'd only kept your mouth shut Hickok, things would be the way they were…" Jimmy stopped his horse and looked down at Kid. "You mean, all nice and happy, like you'd never known Lou, never been married to her? Like she'd never died?" Kid knew that Jimmy still blamed him for Lou's death and he didn't know if the man would ever forgive him for her dying. "I promised to never leave her behind, Jimmy…." His voice trailed off, his mind going back in time. He could see her there in front of him, making him promise not to ever leave her behind again. How could he have forced her to stay behind when everyone was riding out, needing to for their lost brother? Sneering at his one time friend, Jimmy ground out, "Well it sure looked like you'd left her behind….a new wife, new baby, a whole new life. I can't though, she died in my arms!" Not sure he could keep his temper held back for much longer, Jimmy pushed his mount on and left a torn Kid behind. As Jimmy rode away, Kid turned, noticing the sad or accusing looks on the faces of the men around him. Frustration had him knots. Knowing he couldn't eat another bite of his meal, he walked away towards the tree line, needing some time alone with his thoughts.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ That evening Jimmy sat near the fire, lost in thoughts of the past. He'd finally been able to go a day or two without thinking of Lou and her death but seeing Kid again, all the memories of her smiling face, her laugh, her big brown eyes came flooding back to him, tormenting him all over again.He'd thought that by being reassigned to where more of the action was occurring he might be able to exercise some of the guilt and anger he'd felt over her early demise but that wasn't happening. Not with the reminder of the past popping up unexpectedly over and over in the form of Kid. Jimmy wasn't sure why Lou's death affected him so deeply but it did. Maybe it was because she'd died in his arms…and because she'd always held a special place in his heart, even when he'd known that he hadn't had a snowballs chance in hell with her. What he wouldn't have given back then or even now, for Lou to love him the way he knew she had Kid. That was part of what was making him so angry. It seemed like Kid had been able to move on and so quickly after having professed such a deep and unending love for the female Express rider. The other thing that confused him was the fact that Kid had insisted naming his daughter with another woman after her. 'Why?' he wondered for the hundredth time as one of the men began to play a song on his harmonica.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Across camp, Kid sat in his tent, brooding over the past and where his life had taken him to that point. He'd loved Lou more then life itself and when he'd ridden out with her that morning, the morning she died, if he'd could changes things, he knew he wouldn't have.He'd given Lou his promise to never ride on without her and he'd meant it. She'd been so hurt by him in the past over his smothering her and trying to leave her out of whatever he and the others had been doing that he couldn't do it to her any more. Not when she'd begged him with those big brown eyes of hers looking deep into his, love for him shining in them. No, he'd not have ridden out without her. If he could have, he would have changed the fact that he'd ridden out ahead of her and not been by her side. Maybe if he had been, she'd not have been shot or maybe he'd have seen the man raise his gun and take aim at her…maybe he could have saved her, maybe not. Either way, she was gone and his life had gone on. Gone on without his best friend, his lover, his soul mate. Jimmy may think that he'd moved on but he hadn't. He'd tried but every time he'd looked at Gwen, a woman he'd come to care deeply for, but never like he had Lou, he'd think how different she was from Lou, how her eyes were blue and not brown, her hair golden instead of whiskey brown. When he'd held his newborn daughter in his arms, he'd felt like Lou was smiling down at him, letting him know she was happy for him and that's part why he'd insisted on calling the baby Louise. That and because the only other time he'd ever felt such an overwhelming love for another person was with Lou. By naming his daughter after the woman who was so special in his past, he was honoring her. Other's apparently didn't see it that way. But after Jimmy's revelations, Gwen was unable to handle the fact he'd been married before. Not so much that he'd been married, but that he hadn't told her about it. She'd said she'd felt like she wasn't a partner in their marriage that he had to many secrets about his past. Things had deteriorated after Jimmy's visit to the point that they had a marriage in name only. It wasn't long before he'd been called in to his commanding officers office, where Gwen's father had been standing near the fire, a look of disapproval upon his face. Kid had a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach as he came to stand before his commander. He was stunned when he was informed that he was being sent to Major-General George Thomas and would remain with him for the duration of the war. When he turned to look at his father-in-law, he'd seen in his face that he was the reason for this reassignment. He'd had an inkling that Gwen had told her father about Lou and how he'd kept his former wife's last name and how he'd insisted on calling their daughter by her name but wasn't sure until that moment, that look of smugness on his father-in-laws face. Upon arrival at home, a nervous looking Gwen was waiting for him in the parlor. By the look on his face, she knew he'd been told. "Why?" was all he could ask her. Before Jimmy had arrived and ruined his life, he'd thought nothing could come between the two of them. "I can't live with you any more Christopher," she'd told him, no trace of love left in her voice or her eyes. He was further pained when she stated matter-of-factly, "Daddy's going to see that our marriage is absolved without delay. He'll make sure you are notified when things are legally settled." Knowing that her mind and that of her father were made up, he had no choice but to pack up and report to his new commanding officer. At the time, little did he know that Major-General Thomas would end up with General Sherman, who in turn had Jimmy currently under his command.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ The next day General Sherman began moving all 98,797 of his troops along with 254 cannons on what was being called Sherman's Atlanta campaign, giving neither man time to dwell on the past or the fact that they could run across each other again at any time.It was several weeks later that Kid and Jimmy met again. The resistance they'd encountered with the Confederate troops was fierce. It was the worst fighting Kid had been in the midst of since he'd joined the Union Army back in '61.
Chaos reigned all around him, men yelling and screaming in pain as bullets found their mark. Amidst it all, Kid noticed a man on horse racing amongst the soldiers. His face hardened when he recognized the rider as Jimmy. Running towards horse and man, Kid grabbed the reins, keeping them from leaving the field of battle. No one would know if something had happened to Jimmy during the fighting if he were to pull his gun out and shoot him right then and there. If someone did see him, he would claim that Jimmy had been running away like a yella belly deserter and that he'd had to stop him... The gun that had been in his hand raised to point directly at his old friend, his voice filled with disgust. "Runnin' away like a scared little boy…I never thought I'd see the day when James Hickok ran from a fight. Well, you ain't getting' off that easy Hickok. Get down! NOW!" he yelled, holding tight to the reins of the horse that was trying it's hardest to pull away from his grasp. A look of confusion came over Jimmy's face when his horse was stopped mid flight. Looking down into Kid's face, his own became expressionless, anger darkening his steely eyes. "Let go you fool!" He told Kid to no avail. Kid wasn't letting him leave. When Kid aimed his gun at him, Jimmy knew that the Southerner had it in him to shoot him without any qualms. He could see it in his eyes, the hatred burning a hole in him. How had they come to this, he wondered as shots flew around them and cannon fire filled the air with sulfur and smoke. "I said get down!" Kid was more then ready to put a bullet in the man on the horse. He'd been accused of killing his wife, of not being a man….but the only one he seen not being a man was Jimmy. Jimmy who was running away, one of the most despicable things a soldier could do in his opinion. Time was of the essence and Jimmy didn't have time to get into it with Kid right then. Raising his own pearl handled Navy Colt at the man he'd once called friend, he hollered, "I ain't got time for this Kid! I said let me go! Sherman himself ordered me to go where I was headin' you idiot! If you don't let me go right now, I swear Kid, I'll shoot you myself, right here, right now and if I don't kill you, I can promise you Sherman will have it done himself!" Kid's eyes narrowed at Jimmy's words. He'd heard rumors that Jimmy was very close to Sherman and that he did missions that none of the other men knew the details of. The thought of Sherman court marshaling him for ruining a mission was enough to let the reins drop from his hand. "This ain't the end of it Jimmy!" He yelled as Jimmy and his horse began to race over the field once more. "This ain't over!" Jimmy had to force himself to put Kid and his words out of his mind. He had to remain focused on his job. The information Sherman had ordered him to go out and gather was crucial to the fight they found themselves in at the moment.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ After the battle was over and the dead and wounded were being brought in from the field, Jimmy's thoughts ran to what had occurred during the fighting. He had no idea what Kid thought he was doing, standing like that, an easy target for a sniper or infantryman.Never had he thought Kid would pull a gun on him but he had. Lou would be so ashamed of the way the two of them had turned on each other but there was no helping that. The two men would never see eye-to-eye on Lou's death and the cause for it. Jimmy was just grateful that he'd been able to accomplish his assignment and report back to General Sherman information that helped the Union troops put an end to the current fight they'd been engaged in. Kid was just lucky that the delay he'd caused Jimmy hadn't given him any reason to report Kid to his superiors.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ The next time they met was when Sherman took Atlanta. He'd declared Atlanta to be a military encampment and had ordered that all civilians leave the city.Kid had been on the detail to make sure that all homes in one section of the city were vacated as ordered when Jimmy rode up to him and his fellow soldiers to find out if they'd encountered any resistors. Though neither man acknowledged the other verbally, they were very aware of each other.
When Jimmy was told they'd found no one in any of the houses he gave them their next assigned area to search. Making his way through the partially deserted streets of Atlanta, Jimmy's thoughts went back to Lou again, as they did every time he laid eyes upon Kid. The pain was still there, but at times it was not so bad and though he knew he'd never be over her loss, he was grateful that time was starting to heal the wounds from losing her. But he'd never forget the words that she'd whispered to him as she died in his arms. That was one thing he'd never get past.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ From September to November the Union troops were on the defensive guarding the city from Hood's unsuccessful attacks but they were futile. When he couldn't take back the city or remove Sherman and his men from it, Hood headed north, hoping to destroy Sherman's supply line.In his desire to spilt the Confederacy in half, Sherman began to plan his March to the Sea. Jimmy was among the 60,000 seasoned veterans that he was keeping with him and the rest were going back to Nashville with Major-General Thomas, among those leaving were Kid. On the eve of Thomas's troops departure, Jimmy was sent with a message for the Major-General. Upon delivery, he stopped to talk with several men when he noticed Kid not far away. Kid had seen Jimmy entering Thomas's tent and decided that it was now or never to have it out with him before the two were parted again, possibly for the last time. "Hickok!" Kid called, beckoning the dark haired man to walk with him so the others would not over hear what he was about to say. Though Jimmy didn't want to get into it with Kid, he knew that they both had things to say before they could ever move past the way things were. He had no idea if the two could ever be friends again, but for Lou's sake, he didn't want them to be enemies either. With a heavy sigh, Jimmy excused himself from the men he'd been talking with, wishing them a safe journey back to Tennessee then walked to where Kid stood waiting. "We need to talk," Kid told him, his voice brooking no argument from Jimmy. Though he was sure he knew about what, Jimmy had to ask, "About?" When it came to Kid, one could never be sure what had gotten his dander up but in this instance it was more then likely Lou and Jimmy's insistence that he was the cause of her death. "Lou." That one word made them both tense. "Alright," Jimmy said slowly, all the old memories and feelings flooding back over him again. The pain, the sense of helplessness as Lou lay in his arms, her life's blood draining out of her and all over his clothing. "I know you blame me for Lou's death. I get that. You've made that abundantly clear to anyone and everyone who would listen to you. Including Gwen." Kid threw a scathing look at the tall man who stood watching him with arms crossed over his chest. Jimmy raised an eyebrow at the mention of Kid's second wife. Other then meeting her the one time in Washington, he'd never seen nor spoken to her again after that evening when Kid dropped the bomb of having remarried and having a daughter that he'd named after Lou. When Jimmy didn't say anything Kid continued. "Lou made me promise…PROMISE to never ride without her again Jimmy! I couldn't tell her not to go with us after Noah's killers." "And you promised in front of all your friends and family and practically the whole damn town of Rock Creek to love, honor, cherish and protect her! Which you didn't do! You didn't PROTECT her Kid!" Jimmy started walking back and forth in agitation, hands waving about. "She counted on you Kid! Counted on you to keep her safe from anything that might hurt her and you failed her!" Kid's fists clenched, itching to pummel Jimmy to a bloody mess. He loved Lou with all his heart and her dying tore him apart. "My god!" Jimmy swore, his fingers running through his hair as he began to tremble in anger. "You have no idea what it felt like…having her dying in my arms, knowing there wasn't a damn thing I could do to help her! I could have killed you when you rode up and tore her from my arms!" Jimmy was fighting the tears that were threatening to well up in his eyes as he spoke. Swallowing he looked over at Kid, who'd gone pale. "I didn't kill her!" Kid yelled at him. "I'm sorry that she died. I'm sorry that Noah died…" "They aren't the only ones that died, Kid." Jimmy's voice was eerily calm, causing Kid to go still. "What are you talking about Jimmy? Who else died?" Shaking his head, Jimmy couldn't stop himself from shaking. "There's something I never told you Kid. Something that Lou said as she was taking her last breath…" Kid held his breath, waiting, needing to know. When Jimmy didn't say anything, he pleaded, his voice cracking, "What? What did she say? Please…tell me Jimmy I have to know!" Jimmy wasn't so sure Kid would feel that way once he knew what Lou's dying last words were. He'd probably hate him even more but it was to late to go back now. He knew that come what may, he was going to tell Kid the secret he'd been carrying for over two years now. Staring straight into Kid's eyes, Jimmy said, "Her last words were…Please tell Kid I'm sorry…so sorry. The baby…" Kid looked at Jimmy in disbelief, to stunned to say anything. By the tears silently falling down Jimmy's cheeks, he knew that he'd spoken the truth. Letting out a strangled cry, Kid fell to his knees, feeling like he was being torn apart all over again. He'd lost not only the love of his life, but also the proof of their love and he'd never known it. There was nothing else for Jimmy to say. Giving Kid one last look where he knelt on the ground, mourning the child he'd been unaware of, Jimmy turned and walked away, never giving the men standing around watching, staring, a single look. Walking into the darkness, a weight was lifted from Jimmy's soul; Lou's last words finally having been spoken had finally given him a sense of peace that he hadn't known since her death. He'd never forget her, never stop loving her, but now, now that her secret was no longer a secret, maybe now he could move on and leave some of this anger and hatred behind. A/N: 15,000 men from Virginia served in the Union Army during the Civil War. The March to the Sea was devastating to Georgia and the Confederacy. Sherman himself estimated that the campaign had inflicted $100,000,000 in destruction, about one fifth of which "inured to our advantage" while the "remainder is simple waste and destruction." The Army wrecked 300 miles (480 km) of railroad and numerous bridges and miles of telegraph lines. It seized 5,000 horses, 4,000 mules, and 13,000 head of cattle. It confiscated 9.5 million pounds of corn and 10.5 million pounds of fodder, and destroyed uncounted cotton gins and mills.
Drop me a note and let me know what you thought!
|
