Kid peeked in on his daughter before heading to the barn to check the horses. He almost hated to check them. What had once been his joy was now his despair. Each horse reminded him of her. She’d loved them all, especially that black devil, the one that had taken her away. It didn’t take any effort to hear her voice whispering to him, “He’s a great horse. Been with me for years. I know I haven’t ridden in awhile, but he’d never hurt me.” He should’ve never let her get on that horse. Lightening had gotten fat and sassy while Lou was pregnant. Kid had tried to ride him, but the horse wouldn’t let Kid near him. What was it she had first said about that damn horse? “I’m the only one who’s ever ridden him. I was with a group rounding up wild horses out west. I decided he was the one for me. Course it took some time to break him, but he’s worth it.” He felt his rage at her beginning to pour over him again. He’d gotten it under control pretty well in the last few months. If he’d had his pistol with him that morning, the damn horse wouldn’t be here. He’d have ended its life just like it had ended hers. But he’d left his gun inside that morning, they weren’t leaving the yard so why would he need it? A million times he’d thought of killing that horse and a million times he couldn’t bring himself too. “Grant Maxwell! Why in the hell would you want to kill my beautiful horse? He didn’t do anything but act natural.” That’s what she’d told him the very first time she’d been thrown. If only he’d thought to make sure he’d never have to watch that happen again. It was full dark when he came back out of the barn. This had been Lou’s favorite time of day. Just after the sun went down and the lights had faded from the sky, with the stars just beginning to peek out from the midnight blue. “This is when miracles happen Kid. Under a midnight sky, when the world is ready to bed down for the night. This is when people fall in love.” They’d shared their first kiss then. The first time he had ever held her arms in his arms was while the last traces of orange faded into night. The walk to the house seemed longer than usual tonight. But everything seemed to take longer than usual since she’d been gone. Except when it came to Maggie, time couldn’t go slow enough when he was taking care of her. He looked in on her again before settling himself on the porch swing. The soothing creak of the swing took him back to a happier time. “Ma’am, can I help you?” “I was passing by a couple months ago and saw you’ve got quite an operation. Promised myself then, I’d come back one day. Don’t suppose you’re looking for help?” He’d been working the spread alone for so long he had never really considered picking up some help. It had been a struggle for him after his parents had first passed, but he’d turned things around since then. He was prepared to turn her down until he looked in her eyes. “I suppose I could use a little help. You looking for work?” “Seems like I’m always looking, guess that’s what you get when you’ve been hit with wanderlust.” Wanderlust. It was a beautiful word for a horrible thing. Almost from that moment his biggest fear became the moment when she’d be struck again, leaving him more alone than he’d ever been. Maggie protected him from that loneliness now. She was that distant light when he had fallen so deeply into the darkness, the small anchor through the rough sea of despair, the piece of Lou he’d never have to give up. Almost as if she knew he needed her, Maggie’s soft cries floated to him on the night breeze. He picked her up and looked down into the face that mirrored her mother’s. There was hardly a trace of him in his daughter. It was as if God knew Lou would be leaving him and created this perfect image of her. “Oh Kid, she’s so beautiful. Thank you, I never thought I’d have this. You’ve given me so much, a home, a job, a man to love, and now a beautiful baby. I don’t think I was living until I’d met you.” Her words had touched him that day and every day after. What she had said matched his feeling exactly, what had been in her heart was now and always would be in his. “Sweetie, you know how much your mommy loved you, right? How much she wanted to see you grow up?” Kid raised Maggie to his shoulder so she wouldn’t see his tears. She’s seen him cry more than any baby girl should. With a bottle in one hand and Maggie in the other, Kid began his nightly debate. Should he sit in Lou’s chair? When she had found out she was pregnant, the first thing she’d wanted was a rocking chair. From the moment he’d placed it in the nursery, it had been hers. She’d sit in it nightly, even before Maggie was born. Most nights he’d come in and find her talking to the baby. In his mind’s eye, he saw her rocking, her hands gently rubbing her belly. “You know what, I wasn’t sure about this, but I can’t wait to meet you. And your daddy…you’re just going to love him. I know I do. I’ve never met a man who made me want to stay in one place the way that he does.” He’d never told her he’d heard her. He didn’t want her to think he’d intruded on her very private moment with their unborn baby. But that moment had given him hope, it was in that moment he’d decided to marry her. He had wanted to ask within days of meeting her, so quickly had realized she was his other half. He didn’t want to scare her though, didn’t want to push her away when all he wanted was to pull her closer. As usual, he walked into the living room and got comfortable in his favorite chair. Tomorrow night he’d do it, tomorrow he’d sit in that chair and rock his baby to sleep like her mommy had. He gazed down into his beautiful daughter’s face, seeing the same inquisitive look her mother had often given him, like that day on the edge of the creek that flowed across the prairie. “You’ve been quiet all morning, something on your mind?” “Just wondering where the time has gone. You’ve been here a month already. Seems like just yesterday I saw you standing by my fence.” “Really? Seems to me like I’ve been here forever. Maybe it’s just that this place feels like home to me.” He had been so surprised to hear her call his place home. Kid had dreamed that one day she’d decide she didn’t need to roam the land in search of the next big adventure. He had hoped she’d find that staying with him would be the biggest adventure she’d ever have. Perhaps for a time she’d felt that, but couldn’t stop her wild spirit from looking for the next adventure. Perhaps it was that spirit that fueled her need to ride again, to take a chance while the rest of the world screamed no. They were questions he’d never know the answer to, yet they came to him nightly. He searched for their answers knowing they would never be found. Kid carefully stood up so as to not wake the sleeping Maggie. While he gently rubbed her back to coax out one last, pesky bubble, he thought back to that stormy night they had spent holed up in the old cabin along the edges of his property. “Kid, we better find some place dry soon. I don’t think we can outrun this storm.” “C’mon, there’s a small cabin up ahead. It’s not much, but it’s dry. We’ll probably have to spend the night there. This storm has the look of a long one.” The corners of his lips slowly turned upward at the thought of that night. He remembered the tense feeling that had quickly overtaken him at the thought of spending the night with Lou. In the weeks she had been there, he had wanted to get closer to her, wanted to hold her next to him all night, wanted to bury himself in her and lose himself in her beauty. His fear of losing her had overridden his desire. He knew she had enjoyed the kisses they’d shared, but worried if he took their relationship any further she would vanish. That night was his chance though. That night his entire life changed. “I’ll have a fire lit real soon. Guess this place was a little farther than I thought.” “It’s all right. Just wish I had some dry clothes to change into. I don’t know how I forgot to pack some along.” He had taken it as a sign, her not having dry clothes. He always had a spare set in his saddlebags, but that night they’d had to share. “Take this. I know it’s a little big for you, but it’s dry.” “Thanks Kid. Sure am glad you were prepared. I really didn’t like the thought of staying wet all night.” When she had stepped out after changing, she was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. There wasn’t a dress in the world that could’ve been more beautiful on her than his favorite blue shirt. Neither was quite sure how it happened nor did they complain about winding up in each other’s arms. It had been a night fairy tales were made of. There was no moment that would be more beautiful, no moment so lasting as that night. There was no doubt in his mind that they had created their daughter that night. The most perfect tribute to their love. With Maggie safely in her bed for the night, Kid reluctantly headed for his own. While he undressed and slid beneath the covers he prayed he would be free of the nightmare. Night after night, it came to him, never changing. Tonight would be different, tonight he would sleep. “C’mon Kid, let’s go for a ride. It’ll be fun and I’ve missed it.” “Are you sure you’re up for it?” “Definitely. Besides, Lightening hasn’t been ridden in months. He needs the exercise.” “Maybe you should ride Katie. She’s a little more gentle than your beast.” “Don’t worry so much. Lightening would never hurt me.” Kid watched her walk into the barn to saddle her horse with a sense of impending doom. Something terrible was going to happen today, but God willing he was wrong. He could hear the ruckus in the barn before he ever entered. “Whoa boy! I know I haven’t been around. Just settle down. If you’d have let Kid ride you once in a while, you wouldn’t be so cranky you know.” It was then Kid decided against riding with Lou. She had promised to stay in the corral, so there was no need for him to saddle up. Being on the ground would make it easier to get to her if something went wrong anyway. He prayed the horse wouldn’t throw her again. He’d done it when they had first gotten to the ranch. He vividly remembered the panic he’d felt at the sight of Lou lying in the dirt. “Aren’t you going to ride?” “Not today. Since you’re not leaving the corral, I thought I’d just watch you.” Lou stopped next to Kid and kissed him gently on the lips. “Watch and learn, watch and learn.” She led Lightening to the middle of the corral and mounted with no trouble. At first it had seemed as though there weren’t going to be any troubles today. The fear for her safety had just begun to fade as Lightening’s ears flattened against his head. Kid watched in horror as the horse began to buck. He heard Lou’s soft voice come to him as she tried to persuade the horse to calm down. Kid glanced at Lou’s face and saw her panic beginning to grow. Horse and rider were headed for the fence when Lou’s grip was lost. He felt his stomach drop as he watched her body fly through the air and land with a sickening thud against the fence. He felt the bile climbing up his throat as he watched her body slither to the dirt. “Lou? Honey?” He carefully gathered her into his arms as he felt the life leaving her body. “You’re going to be just fine. Just catch your breath, darlin’.” Even as he said the words, he knew he was losing her and there wasn’t a damn thing he could do about it. She was his life and she was dying. He jerked up off the bed covered in sweat and his heart racing. It had come again. Night after night he watched her die in his arms and night after night he awoke before hearing her final words one more time. Slowly his eyes drifted to the window, where the sun was just beginning it’s daily climb through the sky. Before climbing out of bed, he closed his eyes on last time, holding her gently in his arms and hearing those words that kept him going. “Love you Kid.” Her body went limp and her eyes drifted shut. So quickly she was gone. Kid threw off the covers and quickly got dressed for the day. The sooner he left the room, the sooner he could get to work. The sooner he got to work, the sooner he could push his pain away. The busier he was, the less he thought of her…until dusk.
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