Used To The Pain

“Not a word of this to Abby…you hear?” Jimmy said in a tight voice as he looked over at Kid and Ike.

While the three of them had been over in Blue Creek on some business for Teaspoon, a man named Jake Long had showed up and called him out. Jimmy didn’t even know the man and the last thing he wanted to do was fight him.

But he had no choice. The man had called him out and once that happened, there was no backing out of it. The whole thing was over in the blink of an eye. The ragged looking man was no match for Jimmy. He was dead before his gun even cleared his holster.

With sad eyes, Jimmy waited until his friends promised not to say anything to the young lady that Jimmy was engaged to.

Abby Shannon had heard from him and he supposed others too, about his reputation as a ‘gun slinger’ even if the name was unwarranted. He knew she worried about him but he tried to shield her from the unpleasantness that sometimes cropped up, and this was one thing he didn’t want her to know about.

Things were going good for him right now and he didn’t want anything to mar his happiness and telling Abby that he’d been in a gunfight would do just that. For the past few months he’d known what it was like to have a future, to have someone to love and be loved by, someone to dream with and share dreams with and he was afraid that if she found out about this, he’d end up losing her.

The stab of pain at the thought was unlike anything he’d ever felt before. Abby had brought sunshine and happiness into his world and he was loath to let that go at any cost.

“Sure, Jimmy,” Kid said in a doubtful tone, “Whatever you say…”

Ike signed as if he were locking his lips and throwing away the key, showing he promised to.

Kid looked away from his friend with a shake of his head. He didn’t think this was something Jimmy should keep from the young woman, but it wasn’t his place to say so or to tell her.

Jimmy’s eyes narrowed a bit as he looked at the quiet southerner. “I know you don’t agree with me Kid, but this is the way it’s gotta be. I don’t want Abby worryin’ about me the way you do Lou…”

The young man knew he touched a nerve when Kid turned his steely blue eyes his way. Without a word, Kid nudged Katy to take off running, leaving Ike and Jimmy in his dust.

*I don’t think he liked you saying that,* Ike told Jimmy before the two urged their horses to follow.

“Probably not,” Jimmy replied knowing that Kid would keep his word no matter what.

When they arrived at the station, Abby came running from Emma’s house with a smile to greet her fiancé.

“Hmmm, you’re a sight for sore eyes,” Jimmy told her slipping from Sundance’s back and gathering her into his arms before kissing her soundly.

“Hey you two, knock it off!” Cody yelled across the yard, teasing them but neither paid any attention to him.

“How’d it go?” Buck asked Ike as he followed him into the barn to help cool down the horses.

*Not good* Ike told his friend. *Someone called Jimmy out….but don’t tell Abby. Jimmy’ll kill us if you do*

“Who was he?” Buck asked wondering if it was anyone from Jimmy’s past or just someone out to kill ‘Wild Bill’.

Kid, who’d been brushing down Katy told the story of how they’d been in the restaurant eating and a man yelled from the street, calling Jimmy out.

“Jimmy went to the door and looked at the man for a moment before he called out, ‘I ain’t got no quarrel with you. Hell, I don’t even know who you are!’ The man just laughed at Jimmy and told him to draw or he’d shoot him where he stood. You know Jimmy…that didn’t sit well with him so he walked out into the street and the two went to it.”

Buck felt bad for his friend. It seemed that he’d finally found some good in his life and this has to happen. “He’s going to tell her right?” he asked, sure that this was something that shouldn’t be kept from Abby.

If Jimmy didn’t tell her and she found out another way, he was sure they’d all see sparks flying. Abby Shannon had a temper that wasn’t easily riled but when it was, heaven help who she was angry at.

Ike shook his head. *He doesn’t want any of us to say anything to her…*

The three stopped talking as Jimmy entered the barn. He noticed how quiet the three were and that they were all looking at him funny.

“You told him didn’t you?” he said accusingly. Turning to Buck he demanded, “Don’t you dare say a word of this to Abby!”

He turned and left the barn, furious that Kid and Ike couldn’t keep their mouths shut, that they had to tell the first person they came across about the gunfight. If they kept it up, Abby was sure to overhear about it sooner or later and he was determined that she didn’t hear about it at all.

The rest of the evening was strained over at the bunkhouse. Jimmy was glaring daggers at the three, just daring them to say another word about the fight and the three riders were trying to ignore the looks being sent their way.

After dinner, Abby talked Jimmy into going for a walk with her. “Is something wrong?” she asked, her arm tucked neatly in Jimmy’s.

“Why would you ask that?” he couldn’t meet her in the eye. She had a way of seeing right into his soul and would know if he lied to her.

“Well, for starters you’ve been in a black mood since you got back and the looks you sent your friends, why if they could kill….” She let her words trail off.

Abby was sure something had happened while Jimmy was gone but no one was saying a word to her.

“It’s nothing,” he told her, hoping she’d let it drop. He knew he wouldn’t lie to her, but he also didn’t want to tell her about the fight.

With a sigh, Abby leaned her head on Jimmy’s shoulder as they walked. I’ll just have to find out later, she told herself, not willing to let the matter drop completely. Jimmy was upset about something and she wanted to help in whatever way she could.

“Let’s go down to the pond for a bit,” he suggested, needing some quiet time alone with her away from prying eyes and loose tongues.

Abby let Jimmy lead her towards their favorite spot by the pond. It was a place the two came often for some private time together and right now, Abby got the feeling that with whatever was bothering Jimmy, he needed some reassurance from her that she loved him.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

It was late afternoon two days later when Abby rode into the station yard, her face red with fury.

“James Butler Hickok!” she yelled searching the yard to see if he was around. Lou came out of the barn to see what was going on. At the look Abby sent her, Lou shook her head, indicating that Jimmy wasn’t with her.

Cody had been chopping wood and set the ax down with a befuddled look on his face. Pointing to the bunkhouse when the fiery redhead looked his way, he started walking towards where Lou was standing so he could see what was going on.

“James….” Abby had started to yell again when the man she was looking for came out the door of the bunkhouse quickly followed by the rest of the riders.

Eyes ablaze, Abby marched towards her intended, fists curled in anger that he hadn’t told her that he’d been called out, that he’d killed a man.

“What’s wrong?” Jimmy asked in an unsure voice. Whatever it was, Abby was hopping mad and it looked like she was about to take it out on him.

“What’s wrong?” she said, fury lacing her voice. “What’s wrong?! I’ll tell you what’s wrong James Hickok. I’m in town and hear that you were called out in Blue Creek and that you killed a man, that’s what’s wrong!”

“Oh, that…” Jimmy didn’t know what to say. His heart was racing and his palms began to sweat. He feared the next words he’d hear out of her mouth would be to tell him that she wasn’t going to marry a ‘killer’.

“How could you…” Abby cried, tears filling her big blue eyes. “How could you keep this from me?”

Jimmy could see the hurt in her face and hear it in her voice. It made his heart ache. “I didn’t want to worry you,” he told her, the excuse sounding lame to even his ears.

“Worry me?” her voice was becoming shrill with anger and fear. How dare he keep something so important as a man trying to kill him from her? Why he could have been killed! Her mind screamed.

When he tried to take her in his arms and calm her, Abby beat on his chest with her fists as tears raced down her delicate cheeks.

“You could have been killed,” she sobbed, the fight going out of her as she let him pull her against his chest.

“But I wasn’t,” he said softly, stroking her hair as she cried on his shoulder. This was why he tried to keep it from her. He didn’t want her going through the pain that he lived with in knowing that there was always someone waiting around the next bend, looking to do in ‘Wild Bill’.

Lou pulled Cody by the arm into the barn, seeing that the two needed some time alone. Buck and the others quietly went back into the bunkhouse. This was something that Jimmy needed to take care of by himself and he didn’t need the others around.

Rocking her back and forth in his arm, Jimmy held Abby until her crying ended. Wiping the tracks of her tears with his thumb, he looked deeply into her eyes.

“I didn’t want to worry you. I don’t want you to live with the pain that’s been part of my life up until I met you. It’s something I never want you to get used to. And I’m afraid that’s all I’ll bring you…pain and heartache. I’ll understand if you can’t live with the way my life is, never knowing if someone’s coming for me.”

He waited, his mind numb with fear that Abby would take the out he had just offered her. His eyes closed as he tried to keep the tears from falling. He just knew that she would leave him…everyone he ever loved had. Why would she be any different?

His eyes flew open as Abby’s hands cradled his face between them. Looking into his dark, sad eyes, Abby’s heart fluttered. How could anyone not love him, she wondered.

“I’m not going anywhere James Hickok so just get that thought out of your head right now. I’m going to be your wife and that’s that! But you can’t keep things like this from me…we need to be open with each other or we’ll be doomed from the start.”

Her voice softened. “I love you Jimmy and nothings going to change that. I was furious that I had to find out about the fight from Tompkins and not you. Please, don’t keep something like this from me again,” she begged of him. “We’re in this together Jimmy, for good and for bad. And if the bad comes looking for you I want to know about it.” Abby leaned up and softly captured his lips with hers.

Wrapping her once more in his arms, Jimmy returned the kiss wholeheartedly. When it ended, he stroked her cheek with one finger, promising to never keep things from her again.

“You’d better not James Hickok or I’ll have your hide,” she declared as Cody came out of the barn, Lou quickly following in his tracks, unable to keep him from going to see if Abby had killed Jimmy or not.

“Aw,” the blond man whined when he seen the two kissing. “Just once, I’d like to see her get the better of him,” he complained to Lou.

“I think she already has,” was the young woman’s reply as she watched the two gaze into each others eyes, love radiating from them.