Wanted

"Look at this, Lou," Jesse called out from where he was stretched out on the bed of the guest room in her house.

Folding a shirt, she came to the doorway. "What is it?" she asked setting the shirt on the dresser and moving to where Jesse was reading the paper.

Grinning, he showed her the headline. "Wanted: Jesse James and members of the infamous James Gang. Governor of Missouri is offering a reward for the arrest of Express and Train Robbers…"

Pulling her onto the bed, he smiled. "Bet you never thought you'd be famous…or should I say infamous now did you Lou?"

Playfully slapping his shoulder, Lou pushed herself away from him. "It's not like they know who I am Jesse."

Settling back against the pillows he eyed her. "They may not know your name but you are one of the robbers so you're wanted just the same," he teased.

"Not exactly something I'm proud of Jesse," Lou chided. She wasn't proud of what she was doing with Jesse and the others, but circumstances forced her to make a living in whatever way she could.

Working in one of the saloons was not something she would have ever considered after her past with Wicks, and there hadn't been any job openings anywhere else in town. Knowing that she needed to find a way to keep her house before the bank took it and needing food desperately, Lou had done the only thing she could think of.

Having seen a news article on Jesse and the gang, she headed for the James's place and begged Jesse for help. That had been over a year ago.

During that time, she had rode with Jesse on several occasions and on those that she didn't, he usually ended up at her place, hiding out. Very few people knew of their connection and those that did, wouldn't tell seeing how they usually ended up at her place at one time or another seeking shelter too.

She did have problems with Cole Younger but Jesse and Frank were keeping him in check.

Lou was glad that for their last 'job' Cole had been absent.

Drawing her attention back to him, Jesse handed her a sack that he'd grabbed from the floor by the side of the bed. "This might make you feel better."

A slow smile formed at the corners of her mouth as she dumped the contents out of the bag. Money rained down upon the bed.

Laughing she threw a handful up in the air. Jesse laughed at her antics.

"You've got to be kidding!" she told him, eyes wide. "Why there's a small fortune here!"

"And just think," he winked, pulling her back against him, "it's all yours."

Leaning over she kissed him heartily on the mouth and pulled back grinning. "We did good this time didn't we?"

"You bet we did!" he exclaimed gathering her closer in his embrace and nuzzling her neck.

There was a momentary reluctance on her part but as his hand began to wander, she got caught up in the moment. It had been so long since anyone had touched her and the feelings that were rushing through her felt so good, she didn't want it to stop.

Lou's eyes met Jesse's darkening brown ones. He had changed so much from when she'd first met him. Then, he'd been a boy but now, he was definitely all man. Her fingers traced the square of his jaw, a finger pausing to caress his lip before moving to thread through his dark black hair.

As his lips brushed seductively over her neck, she didn't think about what they were doing. All she could do was feel.

When Lou's fingers began to undo the buttons on his shirt, Jesse didn't move. He'd been attracted to her for so long but had never thought he'd have a chance with her. Especially after she had married the Kid. Then when she'd sought him out over a year ago, alone and desperate, the attraction flared again though he never made a move on it. Until today.

With a groan, he flipped her onto the bed and moved so that he leaned over her. Lifting a hand to her face, he asked in all seriousness, "Are you sure?"

At her nod, he lowered his lips to hers hungrily.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

In the growing darkness, Lou lay watching Jesse as he slept. Gently she brushed a lock of hair from his face. He stirred, rolling onto his side then settled back into sleep. Her hands wanted to reach out and caress the rippling muscles of his back but she stopped herself.

Lou quietly got out of the bed. Grabbing her clothes from the floor she crept out of the room and made her way down the hall and closed the door to her room softly behind her.

Leaning against the door she whispered, "Oh, Jesse….what have we done?"

It wasn't that she regretted making love with him; it was that she wasn't in love with him. She didn't want to lead Jesse on and have him thinking that she wanted more from him than his friendship. She knew that he'd had feelings for her in the past but she knew that what they felt wasn't something that would last.

Crawling into her own bed, she curled up with a pillow and began to weep softly for Kid who was gone, for circumstances that forced her to join Jesse and his gang, and for having let things go as far as they did with Jesse, and for wishing that their situation were different because she'd not felt so alive as she had earlier in his arms.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jesse had been awake when Lou eased out of bed next to him. Knowing her the way he did, he knew she'd be beating herself up for what they'd just done. Though both of them were free to be with whom they wanted, he knew that the past would keep her from letting herself ever have more then they'd just shared.

As she disappeared through the door, he rolled onto his stomach, resting his head on his arms.

Whatever happened between them after that night, Jesse knew he would never regret having made love to her. She had been all he'd ever dreamed and more. If she'd let him be more to her, he'd gladly offer all that he had but he knew she'd never consent.

Pulling her pillow under his head, he inhaled her scent that lingered on it. Smiling he drifted off to sleep once more.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

When Jesse came downstairs in the morning, Lou had been up for several hours already. She was just finishing making breakfast when he came up behind her and slid an arm around her waist, softly kissing her cheek.

"Morning," he told her as he grabbed a cup for coffee and pour himself some.

Clearing her throat, Lou felt slightly unsure of herself as she returned the greeting.

"I hope you slept well."

"Best sleep I've had in a long time," he grinned, knowing it had been because of her that he'd slept so well.

Setting the plates of food on the table, Lou's cheeks were tinged red as she sat down across from him.

Seeing how uncomfortable she was feeling, Jesse put his hand on hers. "Lou," when she didn't look at him he said her name again. "Lou, look at me."

Lou looked up and briefly met his eyes and then looked away again. He had apparently splashed water on his face upon waking, there were still droplets clinging to his hair, which he'd run a hand through. Just the sight of him had her heart racing. He really was quite handsome. Feeling embarrassed at the line her thoughts were going, she blushed even more.

"Lou, there is nothing wrong with what we did, but if you feel uncomfortable with us becoming anything more then friends, I'll respect your wishes. I like you and I care about you…I always will."

"Thank you Jesse," she whispered, not sure what else to say to him. Feeling better that he wasn't going to press her for more than she was willing to give, Lou gave herself a mental shake and reminded herself that this was Jesse, her friend, the one person she could talk to these days.

Clearing her throat, she gave him a smile. "I need to go into town later. Is there anything you'd like me to pick up for you?"

"Hmmm, I was actually thinking of heading back after breakfast. You don't mind do you?" he asked, almost wishing she'd ask him to stay but knowing that wasn't about to happen.

"Oh," she said surprised. "I thought you were going to be here for a few more days…"

"I'd like to but it's ma's birthday in a few days and I promised her I'd be there for it. She tends to make a big deal out of all of our birthdays. Would you like to come back with me? You're more then welcome too."

Shaking her head she knew it wasn't a good idea. "Thank you for asking but I think I'll pass. I'm not much into family things…"

After they finished eating in an uncomfortable silence, Jesse went upstairs to get his things ready while she finished in the kitchen.

The whole time Jesse was upstairs, Lou was mentally arguing with herself. She couldn't help but think about how Jesse had made her feel last night or how good it felt to hold him in her arms. She'd not realized that he was such a well-built man until her hands were moving over his body.

"Oh, quit it Louise McCloud," Lou mumbled to herself. "You're acting like a lovesick school girl when all you two did was make love."

She knew that she wasn't in love with Jesse, but after so long without a man's touch and with the companionship they shared, it was hard not to let herself get lost in the 'what could have been' if only she would put aside her reservations and allow them to see where it could lead.

Jesse's boots stomping down the stairs brought her out of her thoughts. Her hand flew to her throat as he came into the room. Pasting a smile on her lips, she asked if he were ready to leave.

"All set. You sure you won't come with?" he asked again, gently cupping her cheek with the palm of his callused hand.

She turned into his hand briefly, closing her eyes at the touch. Moving away she shook her head. "No, but thank you for asking Jesse. It means a lot to me."

Leaning towards her, he gave her a feathery kiss before tossing his saddlebag over his shoulder.

"Well then my dear, I'm off. I'll see you in a few weeks!" With one last searching look, Jesse turned away from Lou and headed out to the barn to saddle his horse.

Lou stood on the porch, watching as Jesse led his horse out of the barn and swung up on it's back with an ease that reminded her of how those strong arms felt as they held her close.

As he lifted a hand to wave, she felt a melancholy sweep over her at his leaving. Wishing that she could call out to him, she bit her tongue, knowing that things could never be more between them.

"Ride safe!" she called out to him as he rode out of the yard. When he was out of sight, she brushed away a tear that was slowly making its way down her cheek. Turning, she headed back into the house to get ready to go into town.