Fathers and Sons: 
A Lesson in Forgiveness
copyright 2002

"I HATE YOU!" The teenager slammed the door with such force that the pictures hanging on the wall rattled.

"Leave him be." Gretchen Gage said to Peter Gage. She then walked into the kitchen of their small home and began dinner.

"I can't believe you are siding with him, Gretch." Peter followed his wife. "He's seventeen!"

"I know." Gretchen began peeling carrots. "We all know."

Michelle Gage walked into the house. "Mom?"

"In here, 'Shelly." Gretchen called out. "You behave yourself." She told her husband.

"Hi Mom, Daddy." Twenty-one year old Michelle greeted her parents.

"Shelly." Peter opened the fridge and grabbed a beer. "I'll be in my den." He then left the room.

"What's wrong with Dad?" Shelly asked.

"He and Johnny had a fight." Gretchen sighed. "I don't know what's wrong with your brother."

"He's seventeen, Mom. He's also very independent." Shelly snagged a carrot and started eating it. "Is it about college?"

"Not to mention, as stubborn and bull headed as your father." Gretchen started grating the carrots into a bowl.

"So, what's for dinner?" Shelly asked with a smile.

"Chicken." Gretchen smiled at her only daughter.

Twelve year old Jacob 'Jake' Gage ran into the room. "MOM! Johnny's locked me outta of the room again."

"Not now, Jake." Gretchen looked at her youngest. "Johnny needs to be alone for awhile, Sweety. Why don't you go and make sure the animals have been taken care of."

"All right." The boy sighed. "I can't wait 'til Johnny's gone, then I'll have the room all to myself." He muttered as he headed for the kitchen door.

"Be careful what you wish for, Jacob." Gretchen warned the boy. "You never know what might happen."

"Yes, Ma'am." Jake closed the door behind him as he headed out into the early fall evening.

10 years later
L.A. California

"Gage! Phone!" Captain Hank Stanley called out.

"Thanks, Cap!" John Gage ran into the bunk room and picked up the extension at Cap's desk. "Hello?"

"John?" A female voice on the other end sounded sad.

"Shel?" Johnny asked. "What's wrong, Shel?"

"Oh, Johnny. It's Mama." Shelly cried.

"What happened?" Johnny sat down on the edge of the desk.

"She's dead, Johnny." Shelly cried.

"When?" Johnny asked softly.

"This morning." Shelly answered. "She's...she was very sick, John."

"I didn't know." Johnny felt his world crashing in on him. "Why didn't she call?"

"She didn't want to worry you. You have your job there." Shelly tried to calm down. "Pete's here. He came in from Billings an hour ago."

Peter Gage, Jr. was Shelly's twin brother.

"Did he bring Terri and the kids?" Johnny asked.

"Yes." Shelly was married and had two sons, twins, Marcus and Antony.

"I'll leave as soon as I can." Johnny said.

"Okay. Call Dad's house when you know when you'll get here." Shelly sighed. "I'm sorry you had to find out this way, Johnny."

"I know. I gotta go. I'll call as soon as I can." Johnny said his goodbyes then hung up. He turned for the door and saw his partner, Roy DeSoto standing in the door way.

"Is everything all right?" Roy asked.

"No." Johnny whispered. He looked around the room willing the tears not to fall.

Roy nodded then left the room. He figured Johnny would tell him what was wrong in his own time. In the mean time, he had his chore to do. He set about moping the bay.

Johnny walked into the captains office. "Cap?"

"What can I do for you, Pal?" Captain Hank Stanley asked.

"Uh, Cap....gosh, this is hard." Johnny ran his hand through his hair. "My mom died this morning. I, uh, I need to go to Montana."

"That should be no problem, John." Hank looked at Johnny. "I'm sorry, Pal. Give me a couple of minutes and then you can take off."

"Uh, Cap, Roy might try to follow. Please, don't let him." Johnny ran his hand over his face. "I just...you see, my Dad and I, we haven't spoken to each other in almost 10 years."

"Why?" Hank asked.

"We had a slight disagreement on colleges and careers. He wanted me to go to the University of Montana and study Animal Husbandry and stuff related to running a ranch. I wanted to go to UCLA and study Engineering. I came out here and found that I'd much rather become a fire fighter." Johnny shrugged his shoulders.

"Sounds heavy." Hank thumbed through the papers on his desk. "I'll call and get a replacement for you."

"Thanks, Cap." Johnny turned and left the room.

Roy followed Johnny as he headed for the locker room. "What's wrong, Johnny?"

"That call was from my sister, Shel, Michelle Gage White Owl. Uh, she called because my Mom died this morning." Johnny sat down on the bench in front of his locker and took off his shoes. "I gotta fly home."

"I'll come with you." Roy said.

"No!" Johnny snapped. "I mean, no, that's all right." He gave Roy a small smile.

"Look, Johnny. We're best friends. You need me there." Roy tried to get Johnny to change his mind.

"You're supposed to pull over time tomorrow." Johnny pointed out.

"So? I'll call in. No problem. Please, Johnny. Let me come." Roy sat down next to his friend.

Johnny sighed. He dropped his head as he pulled his shirt tails out of his pants. "I don't know."

"Please?" Roy was not above begging at this time.

"Okay. I can use your help. I haven't seen my family in almost 10 years." Johnny gave in.

"Why?" Roy asked.

"I'll tell you all about it later. Right now, let's go tell Cap so he can get a replacement for you too." Johnny stood and pulled his sneakers out of the locker. He then stepped into them and headed out without tying them.

Montana

Jake looked around the room. He was feeling a bit lost. His brother and sister were in the kitchen talking.

"He has the right to know, Peter!" Shelly yelled at her twin brother.

"WHY?" Peter, Jr. asked. "He left home. He ran away! He never called!"

"He never called you, you mean. He never talked to you, Daddy, Mama, or Jake." Shelly said. "He was tired of being treated like a little kid. Like someone who couldn't make a decision or choice without Mama or Daddy holding his hand. He was tired of living in your shadow." Shelly said.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Pete looked at his sister.

"Dad always compared Johnny to you. Johnny could do no good. He was always the bad boy. He couldn't sit still and just read, like you could. He had to be outside, run, play, imagine. Dad couldn't understand Johnny's needs. He couldn't understand his second son. The one who looks most like him and acts the most like Mama." Shelly explained.

"I never knew." Pete dropped down in a chair.

"Are you finished fighting?" Jake asked. He stood at the doorway. He too looked most like his father.

"I'm sorry Jake." Shelly walked over to her youngest brother.

"That's okay. Marcus started crying. I gave him some blocks to play with." Jake smiled at his sister.

"Thank you, Jake. I'm going to go look after those two rug rats. When is Terri getting here?" Shelly asked.

"She'll be back from the store in about an hour. I guess Dad wasn't taking very good care of himself." Pete stood. "I need to round up my two heathens."

"I'll help." Jake said.

What none of the siblings wanted to do was interrupt their father. He was sleeping for the first time in what seemed like years.

L.A.

"Hurry up Johnny!" Roy called. "We need to leave."

"I'm coming, Roy." Johnny ran down the stairs with his carry on slung over his shoulder. "Keys, keys, keys. Roy, where's my keys?"

Roy held up the missing item. "In my hand. Now, let's go, Junior."

"Better not let Pete hear you call me that." Johnny said as he plucked the keys out of Roy's hand.

"Why not?" Roy asked as he pulled the door closed behind them.

"His full name is Peter Alan Gage Junior." Johnny snickered. "Boy, did I have fun with his name."

"Why?" Roy asked.

"Man, are you dense. Peter? Think Roy. I'm just sorry they didn't name him Richard." Johnny started the Rover and headed down the lane.

"Dick?" Roy asked. His eyes lit up. "Peter. Oh man, I feel sorry for the guy already."

"Don't." Johnny said. "We...well, we're four years apart in age. He never wanted a brother. Hell, he has a twin sister. That was too much for the asshole as it is."

"Why so pissed?" Roy asked.

"I could never live up to him, Roy. Dad, he always said, 'Why can't you be more like Petey? Why can't you sit still and be quiet, like Petey?' I got sick of hearing about Petey." Johnny sighed.

"I'm sorry." Was all Roy said.

The rest of the ride to the airport was done in an easy silence.

They arrived in Helena three hours later.

"Now for the three hour drive across most of the state to just outside of Busby." Johnny said as they stood on line at the car rental desk.

"How far is it?" Roy asked.

"About 300 miles. It's on the Reservation." Johnny smiled.

It was late October and the state had already seen several inches of snow.

"Sounds like paradise." Roy sneered. He looked out the window at the gray, overcast skies.

"Don't worry, Roy. You'll love the ranch and the land. I have about four acres that my Grandfather gave to me when I was twelve." Johnny was grinning like a child who got everything he ever wanted for Christmas.

"Wow. So, tell me, Johnny. Why'd you leave if this place is paradise?" Roy asked.

"Dad." Johnny said.

"Oh." Roy said. "Now, about this weather."

"Don't worry, Roy. Let it snow. It'll be perfect weather for a funeral." Johnny said softly.

Johnny hadn't told Roy anymore than the bare necessities.

"I'm sorry you didn't know your Mom was sick, John." Roy reached over to give Johnny's arm a squeeze.

"Thanks, Roy." Johnny grabbed the hand and gave it a squeeze in return.

The rest of the ride was quiet. Roy slept most of the way. It was now early evening and the clouds were threatening snow.

The Gage Ranch
Busby, Montana

Johnny pulled the car up the lane leading to the two story white house. To the west of the house was a red barn, the biggest barn Roy had ever seen.

"This is where you grew up?" Roy asked.

"Yup. Home, sweet home." Johnny sighed. "I've been away for what seems like a lifetime."

Johnny put the car in park and looked over to Roy. "Should we tell him?"

"That's up to you, Johnny. Know this, I'll support any decision you make." Roy squeezed Johnny's hand one last time. They then opened up the doors and got out of the vehicle.

They were greeted by a tall skinny young man. "JAKE!" Johnny yelled and ran towards his brother.

"Hi, John." Jake stopped several feet from his older brother and stood looking at him.

"What? I got somethin' in my teeth?" John asked.

"They're waiting for you inside." He then turned and headed for the barn.

"What was that all about?" He asked the sky.

"Are you okay?" Roy asked.

"I will be." Johnny smiled at Roy. "I am so glad you came with me."

"My pleasure, Junior." Roy smiled back. He then snatched the keys out of Johnny's hand and headed for the back of the car. He opened the trunk and pulled out their bags. "You helping?"

"Sorry." Johnny picked up his carry on and his big suitcase, leaving Roy's carry on and suit bag.

They carried their bags up to the house. Johnny stopped at the door. "I feel so lost." He mumbled.

"Is that you, John?" A strong deep voice asked from within the house.

"Yes, Pete." Johnny said.

"Well, get the hell in here." Pete pushed open the screen door and ushered the men in. "It's cold as hell outside and that brother or ours leaves the friggin' door open."

"Yea, Jake was always a little slow there." Johnny grinned.

"Here, let me take that." Pete took Johnny's suitcase and Roy's suit bag. "Follow me." He then led them up the stairs and down the hall. "I hope you don't mind sharing a room."

"That's fine." Johnny said.

"Good, 'cuz you're staying in your old room." Pete pushed the door open and laid the bags down on the twin beds. "Here ya go."

"Thanks, Pete." Johnny smiled at his older brother.

After Pete left, Roy sat down on one of the beds. "Twin beds." He said.

"Yeah, we'll do a little furniture rearranging later." Johnny said. He winked at Roy as he hung up the suit bag in the walk in closet. "I'm starved, let's go see if Shelly made anything."

"You're always hungry. But, I agree with you." Roy said. "Let's go see if there's any food."

The two men walked down the stairs. Johnny led the way through the house to the kitchen. He gave Roy a mini tour as they went along.

"Over there is the couch I stole my first kiss on. Andi Carter. We were twelve and boy was she pretty." Johnny grinned. "And over there is where Dad would set up the Christmas tree every year."

They entered the kitchen and Johnny had to smile. "Hey, Sis." He went over to the older woman and hugged her.

"JOHNNY! Put me down!" Michelle slapped her brother's chest.

"Okay." Johnny laughed and placed his sister on the floor. He looked at her. "Ah, Shelly, the years have been kind to you."

The dark haired woman turned around. "You think?"

"Sure, you're eyes glow with knowledge, you have had twins, yet are still as skinny as you were the day I left." He stopped talking then. "I'm sorry." Johnny turned away from his sister.

"Sorry for what? For coming home after nine and a half years? Sorry for being happy? Sorry for smiling at me and paying me a compliment?" Shelly sighed. "I'll never understand the Gage men."

Johnny dropped his head. "She's dead." He whispered.

"I know." Shelly went to her brother and held him for several minutes. She finally pulled back and wiped the tears from Johnny's face. "Hey, aren't you going to introduce us?"

"What?" Johnny wiped his face with his hands. "Shit! I'm sorry. Shelly, this is Roy DeSoto, we're partners and best friends."

Roy blushed as Shelly walked closer to him. "Hi."

"My, isn't he a shy one?" Shel smiled. "Well, I have to finish dinner. Why don't you go on out and round up the kids? Terri's in the barn with the kids. Marc and Tony should be out there too."

"How old are they now?" Johnny asked.

"They just turned five." Shelly smiled. "Pete's kids, let's see, Randy is seven, almost eight. Lee's five, he's going to school with the twins. Tracy is two and getting into everything. Terri and I get together at least three times a week. I hated having to move to Billings, but the jobs there are so much better there."

"Hey, don't make excuses. If it's one thing I've learned over the years is not to make excuses. They just get you into trouble. Where's Pops?" Johnny grabbed two beers out of the fridge.

"In the barn. This has been real hard on him, Johnny. He's older than you remember. Mama was all he had left since Jake left home to go to college in Helena. Do us all a favor, go easy on him. Okay?" Shelly handed Johnny a carrot stick.

"Okay. Promise. But remember, he started the whole damn thing." Johnny stood and headed out the door. "Roy?"

Roy stood and followed. He hadn't been able to follow much of the conversation since Johnny had never told him anything about his life and past.

Johnny stood at the door to the barn and sighed. "He looks so old, Roy. Older than I ever remember seeing him."

Roy ran his hand up and down Johnny's back. "I'm here for you, Johnny."

"Thanks, Roy." Johnny smiled. He then entered the barn, beer bottle dangling from his left hand. "Dad?"

Peter Gage, Sr. turned from the tractor he had been working on. Four faces popped out from around the barn to stare at what to them was a stranger.

"John?" Peter smiled.

"Hi Pops." Johnny walked over to his father. He found himself pulled into a bear hug. He almost dropped his beer. "Uh, Pops."

Roy walked over and snagged the bottle just as it started slipping out of Johnny's hand. "I got it."

Peter pulled away and looked at Roy. He then turned back to his son. "Who's this?"

"Dad, this is Roy DeSoto. We work together back in L.A.. He's my partner and best friend." Johnny hoped his father would be understanding.

"Roy." Peter held out his hand.

Roy shook hands with Johnny's father then handed Johnny back his beer. "Pleasure to meet you, Sir."

"Cut the sir crap. You can call me Peter or Butch if you'd like." Peter smiled at the two men.

A little brown haired boy came forward. "Who are you?" He asked.

"I'm your Uncle Johnny." Johnny knelt down to be by the boy. "And you must be Randy."

"Yup." Randy Gage smiled a gap tooth grin. He looked just like his Uncle and father.

"Pleased to finally met you, Randy." Johnny shook the boy's hand. He turned to Roy. "This is my friend Roy DeSoto. You can call him Uncle Roy if you'd like. His two children, Christopher and Jennifer call me Uncle Johnny."

"Hi, Uncle Roy." Randy waved to the man. "You can come out now." Randy turned to the other children in the barn.

Three more dark heads popped up. Johnny laughed. "Let's see, there's Lee." He pointed to a boy with real dark hair. "And over there is Marcus and Antony, Marc and Tony." Johnny pointed to two boys who looked nothing alike. Marc was taller than his brother, skinnier too. Tony was built a lot like his father, short and stocky.

"Hi, Guys." Roy said. He looked at all the dark hair, dark skinned children then at his friend and lover. "They all look like you." He smiled.

"Yeah, the Gage genes at work." Johnny grinned. "Hey, where's Terri and Tracy?"

"She went into the house." Peter said.

"Good deal. Come on Roy. Let's go meet my sister-in-law and see when dinner's gonna be ready." Johnny turned.

"John?" Peter called out.

"Yeah, Pops?" Johnny turned back.

"I'm glad you're here." He said softly.

"Me too, Dad. Me too." Johnny then turned back the way he'd been heading.

Johnny and Roy headed back towards the house. They had a line of little boys following them. The oldest boy, Randy, tapped Roy on the arm.

"Excuse me." He said.

"Yes?" Roy stopped and knelt down.

"You said you have a son. How old is he and why didn't he come with you?" Randy asked.

"He's twelve and he lives with his mother." Roy said with a hint of sadness.

"Oh." Randy then turned and headed back to his brother and cousins.

"What was that all about?" Johnny asked.

"He wanted to know about Chris and why he wasn't with us." Roy said as he caught up to Johnny.

"Oh." Johnny sighed. "You'll get to see them soon."

"I know." Roy sighed too.

"Come on, let's go." Johnny put his arm around Roy's shoulders and steered him to the house.

Johnny sighed as he pulled his shirt out of his pants. He and Roy had moved the table that had sat between the two twin beds, then had pushed them together. Roy was in the small bathroom down the hall taking a shower. Johnny was getting ready to take his shower next. There was a soft knock on the door. Johnny looked from the bed to the door. He wasn't sure how his family was going to react.

"Just a minute." Johnny said. He put his towel and robe over his arm then opened the door.

"Just wanted to make sure you were all right." Shelly said. She wondered why Johnny closed the door right behind himself.

"I'm fine, Sis. I'm just going to hustle Roy up so I can take a hot shower and wash off all this grime. I hate traveling."

"I know." Shel had been the one person Johnny had stayed in touch with during his absence from the family.

"Well, good night, Shel. Sleep well." Johnny headed down the hall and stood at the bathroom door. He then knocked before entering.

"That you Johnny?" Roy called out over the running water.

"Who'd you think it was?" Johnny giggled. He unbuckled his belt and then undid his jeans. He toed off his sneakers then pushed his jeans and shorts past his hips. "Hey, don't use up all the hot water."

"Don't worry. I'm almost done." Roy then pushed the shower curtain aside. "Care to join me?"

"Nah, don't want to chance it." Johnny winked at his lover. "Besides, I know how small that tub is."

"Okay. Suit yourself." Roy pulled the curtain closed and finished washing. He then reached for a towel. Stepping out, he left the water on. "All yours."

Johnny gave Roy a quick kiss then stepped in. "Yow. Roy!"

Roy giggled. "Sorry." He then pulled his robe on and headed out of the bathroom.

"What was he yelling for?" Pete asked.

"I sorta turned off the hot water before I got out of the shower. He stepped in and got a shock." Roy was trying not to giggle.

"That's not nice." Pete winked at his brother's friend.

"I know." Roy then walked down the hall to the bedroom. He pushed the door open only far enough to squeeze through.

Twenty minutes later, Johnny entered the room in a similar fashion. "Hi." He whispered.

"Hi." Roy said back. "How thin are these walls?" He asked.

"Not very. Dad built this house. He wanted to be able to make love to mom whenever he wanted, so he made all the walls extra thick." Johnny sat down on one side of the bed. "Now, come here, you."

Roy moved to sit next to Johnny. "I love you." He whispered. He let his hands roam over Johnny's body. They slipped into the robe, finding skin softened from the shower. He leaned in and nuzzled Johnny's neck. "Mmm, you smell good enough to eat."

This caused Johnny to giggle. "Stop it."

A knock on the door brought an end to their foreplay.

"Yes." Johnny managed to squeak out.

"Is everything okay? Do you have enough blankets?" Shelly asked on the other side of the door.

"We're fine, Shel. Good night, Shell." Johnny stood and went to the door. He opened it a crack. "And don't go waking us up in the morning either. I remember how early Pop used to make us get up."

"Okay, but if you aren't down for breakfast by seven, you're out of luck." She smiled at her brother. Being shorter, she was able to see around Johnny's slender form. She noticed Roy sitting on the bed, and that the two beds were pushed together. "Good night, bro."

"Night." Johnny gave her a smile.

Closing the door, Johnny sighed then undid the belt on his robe. "Now, where were we?"

"Right about here." Roy captured Johnny's robe and lips at the same time.

Both men laid down on the bed and kissed gently. Slowly letting the heat build between the two bodies.

Johnny stretched. He liked waking up and feeling the warm body laying next to his. He turned his head and saw that Roy was still sleeping. He gently lifted the arm that was around his waist. Once untangled from his lover, Johnny rose and pulled his robe on. He leaned down and laid a gentle kiss on Roy's sleeping face.

"Wha?" Roy started waking.

"Shh, go back to sleep. It's only five." Johnny pulled the covers up over Roy's shoulder. "I'll come wake you up in an hour or so."

"'K." Roy managed to mumble before going back under.

Johnny tied his robe, then grabbed his jeans and a sweatshirt. He was glad he'd pulled a pair of socks on after he and Roy had made love. He absolutely hated cold floors and had worn socks or slippers most of his adult life.

Downstairs the house was just starting to come alive. Shelly and her husband Tom were sitting in the kitchen talking.

"Morning." Johnny said as he walked over to the coffee pot.

"Why did you bring your clothes down with you?" Tom White Owl asked.

""Cuz Roy's still sleeping and I didn't want to wake him. He's been having trouble sleeping lately." Johnny walked into the mud bath and pulled his jeans on. He then walked back out into the kitchen while pulling his sweatshirt over his head.

"DAMN BOY!" Tom exclaimed. "Don't you ever eat?"

"Constantly." Both Shell and Johnny said.

They looked at each other and laughed. "I have an extremely high metabolism." Johnny said. "Dr. Brackett, my doctor, said that it will probably slow down in another ten years or so, but in the mean time, I was given a special diet to follow so that when it does slow down, I don't gain a hundred pounds."

"Oh, anything you need to tell me?" Shell asked.

"Just low fat, high carbs and proteins. Low sugar and sodium as well. I don't handle the sweets like I used to." Johnny walked over to the counter where the bread box was. He pulled two slices of bread out of the wrapper and popped them into the toaster. "I also eat five times a day."

"WHAT?" Tom again said. "Look, my dad's a doctor and I've never heard that crap before."

"Believe what you will, Tom. But I for one am not going to get fat, or develop any of the adult onset diseases that this family has been known to develop." Johnny buttered the toast then put it on a paper towel. He then grabbed a second cup and filled it with coffee and two teaspoons of sugar. "Now, if you'll excuse me." He then put the paper towel wrapped toast into his robe pocket and shrugged it back on. With both hands free, he took the two cups of coffee and headed out of the room.

"THOMAS!" Shelly hissed.

"What?" Tom looked at his wife.

"I happen to know for a fact that what Johnny is saying is true. You know adult onset diabetes runs in the family as well as certain forms of cancer and heart problems. I'm glad he's taking care of himself. But I do agree that he's too skinny." Shell went about making a fresh pot of coffee and peeling potatoes for hash browns. "I wonder what he eats for breakfast now."

"I'll go ask." Tom stood.

"Freeze, Tom." Shell looked at her husband. "Leave them alone."

"Why?" Tom sat down again.

"Because Johnny's been away for almost ten years. He didn't know Mama was sick. He took time off work. He looks exhausted. Take your pick." Shell brought the potatoes over to the table and sat down. "Help me out by leaving Johnny alone. Let him grieve in his own way. And whatever you do....don't ask about his relationship with Roy."

"Fine. I'm going out to the barn. Call me for breakfast." Tom leaned in and kissed his wife.

"Thank you, Honey." Shell smiled at him. "Give us time."

"I will." He then pulled his coat on.

Back upstairs, Johnny had just opened his bedroom door when a small body ran into him. Looking down he saw that it was Marc. "Morning, Marc."

"Hi, Uncle Johnny." Marc smiled at his uncle. He then pushed his way into the bedroom.

Roy was sleeping on the left side of the bed. He was burrowed well under the blankets.

"Marc." Johnny grabbed the boy after putting the coffee cups on the dresser. "Out." He steered the boy out the door and gave him a pat on the butt. "Go bug Daddy."

"Okay." Marc was then off and running.

Johnny smiled as he sat on the side of the bed and gently woke Roy. "Hey babe."

"What time is it?" Roy grumbled as he turned over. "Johnny! It's still dark outside."

"We're further north, you goof." Johnny kissed Roy's nose. "Here. Drink this." He handed Roy his coffee.

"Thanks." Roy sipped the hot drink. "So, tell me what happened."

"It's that brother-in-law of mine." Johnny took a deep breath. "I was explaining to Shell the diet that Brackett has me on. You know, so I stop loosing weight, although I didn't tell her it was for that. No need to worry her anymore than she already is."

"We'll take that one day at a time, Babe. Now, what happened? Did Shelly say something?" Roy had sat up against the headboard and was now caressing Johnny's leg.

"No, it wasn't Shelly, it was her husband, Tom. His father's a doctor. So Tom says that the diet I'm on and the fact that I eat five times a day is nothing but crap. I don't lie to my family, Roy. Shell needs to know that so I can keep to my diet. But does Tom ask why? No, he just jumps in and says that it's crap." Johnny stood and dropped his robe after pulling out the toast. "Want one?"

"No, you eat both." Roy had been with Johnny when he'd gone to the doctor to discuss his recent weight loss. The usually 170 pound man had dropped down to 150 lbs in a matter of weeks. It had worried both. Luckily it was just an over active metabolism that seemed to be the culprit.

"Okay." Johnny sat on the bed next to Roy and munched on the toast. "It's snowing." He said as he ate. "Shell should have breakfast ready in an hour. If I were you, I'd take my shower right away before the other adults start getting up and getting ready. They'll be wrestling with the kids."

"Do the kids know what's going on?" Roy asked as he continued drinking his coffee.

"I think Randy might. There's other kids in the family. Cousins who've had cousins type thing. They'll be here." Johnny shoved the last piece of toast into his mouth. "Come on ol' man, I know I told you I'd let you sleep in, but I don't want to be down there with Tom alone."

"Okay." Roy stood and pulled his robe on. He walked over to the window and looked out. Sure enough, a light snow was falling. "Shit." He muttered.

"Don't worry, Roy. I packed long underwear for you. You'll be nice and toasty in that suit of yours." Johnny laughed. "You California boys are all alike. Give you a bit of cold weather and white stuff and you freak."

"Shut up, Junior" Roy snarled.

"Ohhh, I'm shaking here." Johnny continued to giggle as he watched Roy pull a thick heavy sweater out of the suit case and pull it over his head. "I'll wait for my shower thank you." He then pulled on the long johns bottoms that Johnny had packed before pulling on his jeans. Stepping into his sneakers he looked at Johnny.

"Well, Pally, you better put on your boots. I want to go outside and you're going with me." Johnny sat down on the only chair in the room and pulled his boots on.

Once dressed, the two men grabbed their cups and headed downstairs.

Breakfast was noisy and busy, with Terri and Pete feeding all the kids and Shell and Tom dishing up the food.

"Why doesn't he have to eat eggs?" Marc asked as he pointed to Roy.

"He doesn't want any, Marc." Johnny said. "Just think, that means more of these delicious eggs for you and your brother."

"I hate them." Marc grumbled.

It was definitely going to be a long day.

"Marcus White Owl , you will eat what's put in front of you without saying a word. Is that understood?" Tom gave his son's arm a shake.

"Yes, Sir." Marc started sniffling. He picked up his fork and took tiny bites of the scrambled eggs.

Roy dropped his head. He had been told to lay off the eggs, bacon, cholesterol. He was trying to get heart healthy. "I'm sorry." He stood and walked out of the room.

"Shit." Johnny cursed as he threw his napkin down. Looking at his brother-in-law, "Thanks." he sneered.

"What did I do?" Tom asked.

"You made Marc cry, you upset Roy." Terri gave Tom a look that didn't bode well. "From what Shel's told me, Johnny's on a special diet. I have a feeling Roy is too. You have to open up your yap and yell at Marc at the table like the big buffoon you are and upset everybody."

Tom pushed his chair back then stood. "FINE!" He then stormed out of the room.

"I'm sorry, Shell." Terri gave her sister in law a small smile.

"Don't worry about it. Someone should have told that ass off a long time ago." Shelly sat and hugged her son. "I'm sorry Daddy yelled at you."

Marc and Tony sniffed. They looked around the table. "Where's Gramma?" Tony asked.

"Remember what we told you yesterday?" Shelly hugged both boys to her breast. "Gramma's gone to be with her parents in heaven."

"Oh." Tony thought about this. "When will she be back?"

Shelly sighed. "She won't, Sweety. Now, you two finish eating then you can go outside for a bit."

"Okay, Mommy." Both boys said. They then picked up their forks and ate. Two brothers, born the same day, yet totally different.

"Damn it!" Roy kept saying over and over as he put stuff back into his suit bag. He didn't hear Johnny enter the room, nor did he hear him call his name.

"Roy?" Johnny walked up behind the older man and put his hands on Roy's waist.

Roy stopped moving and just stood there.

"Talk to me, please?" Johnny gently kissed Roy's neck.

"I shouldn't have come." Roy sagged into Johnny's arms.

Johnny turned Roy around and held him close. "I need you here, Roy. You and I both know that."

"But I upset the kids." Roy grumbled.

"No, you didn't. Tom did." Johnny kissed Roy's temple. "Now, come back down, I'm sure Shelly would be happy to reheat our food so we can eat."

"Not hungry." Roy pushed out of Johnny's arms. He sat down on the bed and pouted.

"Hey, this isn't like you, Roy. What's really the problem?" Johnny sat beside his lover. "You miss your kids." He stated.

Roy nodded.

"Ahh, Babe. After the kitchen's emptied out and while everyone else is getting ready, you call home and talk to Jo and the kids, okay?"

"Okay." Roy stood and headed for the door. "You need to eat." He said.

"And so do you." Johnny pushed Roy out the door and they walked down the stair and back to the kitchen.

Roy stood in front of the mirror that sat above the dresser. He played with his tie. "I can't get this right." He groused.

Johnny stood behind Roy and retied the offending piece of material. "There." He kissed Roy's cheek then turned to his own tie.

"How can you be so calm?" Roy asked. "I never knew your mother, yet I feel so upset."

"Roy, I am upset. You should know me by now." He sat down on the chair to put on his dress shoes. "I can't explain it, Roy. I honestly believe that if my mother was still alive, I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't even consider coming here no matter how much Shelly begged me."

"Why?" Roy asked. He had sat down on the foot of the bed opposite Johnny and put his dress shoes on as well.

"It's a very long story, Roy. And if we're lucky no one will start anything that brings it out into the open." Johnny stood and pulled a cotton duster out of the closet. He put this on over his suit and headed out.

Roy had a duster similar to Johnny's that he had received from his friend on his last birthday. His was tan where as Johnny's was black. He put his over his arm and followed.

Once downstairs, the two men watched as Butch came into the living room. He looked older than he had just the day before. More tired too.

"Dad." Johnny walked up to his father and helped him with his coat. He smoothed the material and brushed off lint.

"Thank you, John." Butch gave his son a small smile. "Who are you riding with?"

"I have a car, Pops. Roy and I will be following." Johnny explained.

"Oh." He sounded dejected.

Johnny looked around the room. He signaled to his older brother and sister.

They walked over. "What do you need?" Pete asked.

"Let him ride with me." Johnny said.

"Why?" Pete was still mad over what had happened all those years ago and the fact that Johnny showed up now. "Why didn't you just stay in L.A.?" He hissed.

"PETER!" Shelly smacked her twin. "I'm sorry, Johnny. We already made arrangements. Daddy's riding with me, Tom, and the kids."

"Okay." Johnny shrugged his shoulders. "Pete, we'll talk later. I promise."

"Right." He then turned away from Johnny and Roy and headed out. "Come on everybody. Hustle up. We're running behind."

The family left the house and headed for their cars.

The ride to the funeral home was quiet in Johnny's car. Roy was worried about his friend and lover. He just didn't know what he could say or do.

"I'm sorry, Roy. I really do appreciate you being here and everything. And when this day is over, I want to make slow, sweet love to you, all night long." Johnny smiled.

"Me too." Roy reached over and took a hold of Johnny's hand. "Love you."

"I love you too, Roy. I just hope that Dad and the rest of the family understands." Johnny watched as the snow changed to rain. "Weird."

"What's weird?" Roy asked.

"The weather. I've never seen this happen before." Johnny shrugged. "Well, not to my knowledge. I do remember one Hallowe'en where it rained instead of snowed. So I guess this weather isn't too off."

"Yeah, I feel better riding in rain anyway." Roy watched out the side window.

They followed all the other cars towards the funeral home the rest of the way in silence.

Once parked. Johnny got out of the car and stretched. He didn't like the smaller cars. His long legs didn't have enough room. He looked over at Roy and smiled as he too stretched. They walked up the walk and entered the quiet building.

"We need to sign the guest book." Roy whispered.

"Yeah." Johnny stepped over to the pedestal where the guest book resided. He picked up the pen and in as neat of hand as possible wrote his name and address. He then added next to his name, Roy DeSoto. He looked at Roy and smiled. "Well, we are together." He whispered.

Roy smiled and led the way into the viewing room.

"She was only forty-nine, Roy." Johnny walked up to the casket. "She was so beautiful."

"I know." Roy had seen the only picture Johnny had of his family. His mother had been young and beautiful, holding a new baby with Johnny standing on one side of her chair and Pete and Shell on the other.

"I messed up not talking to her." Johnny sat down in the front row of chairs and put his head in his hands.

Roy was glad that Johnny was showing some emotions now. He put his left hand on Johnny's back and rubbed soothing circles. He watched as the other family members took their seats then as the rest of the community showed up for her funeral. "You mother was well known." He whispered in Johnny's ear.

"Yeah, she was well liked, both among the tribe and in town." Johnny smiled. "She was so special, Roy. She taught me not to believe all the shit the townies said about me. To stand by my own convictions. She gave me the morals that I live by today."

"I'm here for you, Johnny." Roy kept his hand on Johnny's back.

"Thanks." Johnny then looked around the room. He saw his Aunt Bea and Uncle Ernie walking towards his father. "Excuse me."

"Sure." Roy sat back in his chair and watched as all around him, friends and family gathered.

"Hi Uncle Ernie." Johnny said to his mother's oldest brother.

"Why it's little Johnny." Ernie Two Birds smiled. "I haven't seen you since you were just a scrawny teenager."

"I know, Uncle. I live in Los Angeles now." Johnny blushed at being called 'little'.

"Well, you sure did grow up. Although you're still as scrawny now as you were then." Ernie smiled at his nephew.

"Yup. That's me." Johnny went over to his aunt and hugged her. "Hi, Aunt Bea."

"Hello, John." She sounded cold to John.

"How are you?" Johnny gave his aunt a smile.

"I'm okay. It's about time you show your face again. I'm just so mad that it took your mother's death to bring you home." Bea sounded so hurt.

"I'm sorry." Johnny turned away and looked around the room. "No one understands." He said then walked away.

"Now, Beatrice. We agreed that if John was here, you'd be civil to the boy." Ernie gave his wife a dirty look.

"I'm not sorry, Earn." She turned and walked over to some of the other relatives. Talking softly and offering her condolences.

Johnny sat back down next to Roy and sighed. "I have so much to make up for."

"Why do you say that?" Roy asked.

"Not here." Johnny said. He then made his way over to where some of his cousins were standing. He talked with them for a few minutes.

The service got underway after all had arrived. They then proceeded over to the tribal burial grounds where Gretchen Gage was laid to rest.

Johnny stood next to his sister while the preacher said his words.

All Johnny could do was think of all the grief he caused his mother during his life.

Gage Ranch
November 1964

"I hate Dad!" Fourteen year old John Gage told his mother. "He's mean!"

"Now, John Roderick. You don't talk about your father like that. It's wrong and you know it." Gretchen said to her son. "He loves you dearly, Johnny."

"No he doesn't. He loves Pete and Jake more than he loves me. I do my chores, but he always finds something wrong with what I did. He yells at me all the time. He talks to Pete, but not to me." Johnny sighed. "It's just not fair."

"John, trust me. Your father loves you." She went over to where he son was sitting. "He just has a hard time with you because you are so much like him."

"No I'm not!" Johnny stood and stormed out of the room.

"That boy." Gretchen shook her head. "So like his Papa, yet so not." She returned to her dinner.

December 23,1964

"JOHN RODERICK GAGE!" The voice echoed over the land. "YOU BEST GET YOUR BUTT HOME BOY!"

Johnny sat on a rock over looking the edge of the cliff. He didn't want to go home. He was tired of always being in trouble and never being able to get things right.

Peter "Butch" Gage walked over to where his son was sitting and took a deep breath. "John."

Johnny jumped. "Pop." He squeaked.

"Come on home, Son." Butch held out his hand to his second son.

"No." Johnny shook his head. "I'm not wanted there."

"Why do you say that?" Butch sat by his son.

"Pete said that I'm nothing but trouble and a drain on the family grocery budget." Johnny couldn't understand how that could be.

"You do eat a lot, boy. But you are not a drain on anybody's budget. As for being nothing but trouble, well, Pete's wrong there too." He stood. "Now, come on. Your mama's got dinner ready and I know you're hungry."

"Okay." Johnny sighed. "Why do I always feel hungry, Pops?"

"I don't know, Son. We've taken you to all the doctors in Montana who we thought could help, but no one knows. It's just something you will have to live with." Butch led them back down the hill and to the ranch.

"Now, you get your chores done, and then come in for dinner. No dawdling either." Butch left his son to do his evening chores alone.

"Yes, Sir." Johnny looked around the barn. It looked like Pete hadn't done his share of the chores, so he started doing all the work as quickly as he could.

Pete came out to the barn thirty minutes later. "Hey, ain't you done yet?"

"I'da been done sooner if you'da done your share of the stinkin' chores, Pete." Johnny wiped the sweat off his brow. "And now, I ain't gonna get dinner 'cuz I ain't done yet."

"Pop's pissed, John." Pete said. He then turned and headed back into the house.

"Damn!" John threw the pitch fork into the hay. Wiping his brow again, he looked around. "All's left is to feed the cows." He then fed the cows and made sure that they had fresh water. "Least I don't have to milk you all." He said as he filled ten troughs with fresh feed and water. "There, all done."

Johnny looked at the clock that hung over the work bench and saw that it was after seven. "Nope, no dinner for sure now. Still have that stupid book report to do to."

Johnny walked into the house and stopped in the mud room to take off his boots, coat, and gloves. He then stopped at the sink to wash his hands and face. He headed into the kitchen once done there.

"John, your father wants to see you in his den." Gretchen gave her son a small smile.

"Okay, Mama." Johnny headed out of the kitchen, which still smelled like the roasted chicken and baked apples that had been part of dinner. His stomach ached with hunger.

Johnny knocked on the closed door.

"Come in." Butch was sitting at his desk going over the family books as well as the business books.

"You wanted to see me, Dad?" John asked. He stood just inside the door.

"Come in and sit down, boy." Butch closed the book on his desk then turned around. "Care to tell me why it took you over two hours to do forty minutes worth of work?" He didn't look too happy.

"Because Pete didn't do his share." Johnny said. He kept his head down.

"What do you mean by that? Pete said he cleaned out the cow's stalls, and brushed the horses down before putting them in for the night." Butch looked at his son.

"I had to clean all the stalls, put in fresh hay, feed all the animals, clean out the water troughs in the cows part of the barn and refill them. I had to muck the whole barn. I then had to straighten out the tack room and clear off the work bench. I tried to hurry Dad. Honest. I'm sorry it took so long." Johnny felt so small.

"Just a minute now. Pete didn't put the horses in? He didn't clean out his half of the barn?" Butch found this hard to believe. "You sit right there. Don't move."

"Yes, Sir." Johnny sat with head bowed. His stomach again clinched in hunger. The growl being heard in the room.

Butch sighed as he pulled the door closed. His wife was sitting in her chair knitting. "Well?"

"He says that Pete didn't do his share of the work and that he had to do it all. I find that hard to believe, Gretch. Pete's a good boy. He does his work and does it well. Not John. That boy is a lot of trouble." Butch didn't realize that Johnny could hear him as he said those words.

"Now, Peter. You know that's not true. You go talk to Pete. I'm going to make Johnny a plate." Gretchen stood to go into the kitchen to make her son a plate of dinner.

"Now, you know the rules, Gretchen. If their chores aren't done before dinner, they don't get to eat." Butch didn't like it when his wife seemingly under minded his authority over their children.

"He's a growing boy, Butch." Gretchen only called her husband by his nickname when she was upset with him. "He can't go without meals like the other boys can. You know that."

"He's got to learn not to dawdle and not to lie, Gretchen." Butch stood his ground.

"At least talk to Pete. See what he has to say for himself." Gretchen sat back down in her chair.

"All right." Butch walked up the stairs and to the room his oldest son had.

"Hi Dad." Eighteen year old Peter Gage Jr. said.

"Pete, I want the truth from you." He looked his son in the eye.

"Sure Pops." Pete smiled. 'Oh, boy. Johnny boy's in trouble again.' He thought.

"Did you finish all your chores like I told you to?" Butch knew his kids well enough to know when they were lying.

"Sure did, Pops. I cleaned my half of the barn, made sure the horses had food and had been brushed down. I cleaned the tack room and cleared off the work bench." He stood there with a smug look on his face.

"That's funny, because John told me he had to do all that stuff." Butch looked at his son closely. "I think you're lying to me just to get your brother into trouble. Damn it boy! I've told you dozens of times. Don't pick on John. Now you get your ass down into my den and apologize to your brother for making him miss his dinner. Then you get your ass back up here and think about all the extra chores you're going to have over the rest of Christmas break."

Pete just stood there. "I DID NOT LIE!" He yelled. "I did my chores. It's not my fault that brat dawdles and day dreams."

"You better get the lead out, boy or there WILL be a trip out to the wood shed." Butch stepped closer to his oldest boy.

"Yes, Sir." Pete headed down the stairs. Mumbling under his breath how his brother had done it that time. "I'll get you yet, Johnny boy."

John sat on the couch in his father's office trying hard not to think about his hungry stomach.

Pete walked in. "Hey twerp." He said. "Pops mad at you now. But not as mad as I am. What's this shit about telling Pops you had to do my chores? Huh? I did my chores just fine. Now you tell him that you lied and I'll go easy on ya."

Johnny backed into a corner. His brother was well over six feet tall and weighed almost two hundred pounds. Pete played football and worked out with weights. Johnny was all of five feet three inches and a hundred pounds sopping wet. "NO!" He yelled at his brother. "I didn't lie."

"Yes you did, you good for nuthin' runt. Pops shoulda thrown ya in the river and drowned ya when you were born." Pete held a strong dislike for this brother. His youngest brother didn't bother him the way John did.

"No, that's not true." Johnny slid down the wall and started crying. "That's not true." He kept whispering over and over.

Pete went out into the living room.

"Well?" Butch stood there.

"I apologized just like you told me to." Pete gave his father a nasty look.

"Now, get back upstairs. You better think twice next time about lying and getting your brother into trouble, boy. I won't be so easy on you the next time." Butch sat down in his chair to think for a minute.

"Aren't you going in and talking to John?" Gretchen asked.

"In a minute." Butch sighed and sat back.

Gretchen looked at her husband. "Well if you aren't going to do anything, then I will." She put her knitting down and headed for the den.

Johnny was still sitting on the floor crying when he heard the door open. He just knew he was in for a trip to the wood shed now. "I'm sorry I lied, Dad." He said without looking up. "Pete did all his chores and I just dawdled. I guess I lost track of time. I'm sorry."

"Johnny?" Gretchen went over to her son and sat down on the floor next to him. "What's wrong, Sweety?"

"Oh, Mama.." Johnny threw himself into his mothers embrace. "I was bad and told Dad a lie."

"What lie was that Johnny?" Gretchen hugged her boy tightly.

"I lied. I said that I had to do Pete's chores while instead I was dawdling and day dreaming. Pops has told me not to do that." Johnny cried even harder.

"Shh, it's all right. Your father knows that Pete didn't do his chores. He sent Pete in here to apologize for getting you into trouble." She gently wiped Johnny's face with a tissue. "You ready to go upstairs now?"

"Pete didn't apologize, Mama. He told me that he was going to beat me up if I didn't tell you and Pops that I had lied." Johnny moved off his mother's lap and curled himself into the corner. "This is turning into the worst Christmas ever. I HATE HIM!"

Gretchen covered Johnny with the afghan that was on the back of the couch. "You just stay in here and calm down. I'll talk to you father and brother."

"NO!" Johnny pushed the cover off and stood. "NO!" He then pushed past his mother and out the door.

Butch opened his eyes when he heard the den door crash open. "What's going on?"

"Peter just threatened Johnny. He didn't apologize, he threatened that poor boy. Told him that he would beat him up if he didn't tell us he lied." Gretchen sighed. "I can't take anymore of this fighting, Peter." She then walked up the stairs and went into her bedroom.

Johnny had ran into the mud room and grabbed his coat. He had on his sneakers as they were kept by his boots so he had shoes on while he was in the house. He thrust his arms through the sleeves of his coat then grabbed his hat and gloves. Trying to see through the tears that were blinding him, he pushed out the door and ran. He ran until his sides hurt and his breath came in small hard gasps. Standing in the middle of a field, he turned looking this way and that. "Great, John. Go and get yourself lost." He looked up at the sky hoping to find some stars to guide him back to the ranch, but there weren't any stars visible. The sky had become over cast and the wind picked up. "Way to go, bozo. Pete is right, I shoulda been drowned."

Butch stopped when his son had stopped. He stood just out of the boy's line of vision. He could hear his son talking to himself. When he heard the last thing his boy said, his heart broke. "Peter, you are in so much trouble." He told himself as he headed over to his son. "Johnny?" He called. "Come on son, it's getting colder out here and it's going to snow. Come on, let's go home."

Johnny walked over to his father and looked up at the man. "Guess I'm in for a strapping huh?"

"What for?" Butch got a look at his son. He had brought two flashlights with him and handed one to Johnny.

"For lying. I lied to you. I didn't have to do Pete's chores. I was dawdling and lost track of time." Johnny sniffed.

"No, John. I talked to Pete. He said that he left his chores for you. Well, not in so many words, but he's the one in trouble for lying. Let's go up to the house and get you some hot honey tea." Butch smiled down at his son. He had a feeling he hadn't done that in awhile.

"Okay." Johnny still sniffled. He then sneezed just as they walked up the porch steps. "'Scuse me."

"No sweat, boy. Get out of that coat and those wet clothes. Your mama probably has your pajamas waiting for you in the mud bath. Take a quick shower then come to the table." Butch gave his son a quick hug then hung up his own coat and hat.

"Okay." Johnny hung up his coat, hat and stepped out of his wet sneakers. He then went into the mud bath and took a hot shower.

He then dressed in his pajamas and robe. Stepping into his slippers, he headed for the kitchen. The smell of his mother's honey tea made his mouth water and his stomach clinch again in hunger. He sighed knowing that tea was all he was going to get.

"Sit down, child." Gretchen set a cup of hot, sweet tea in front of her son. She then set a small plate with a chicken sandwich on the table. He looked around for his father. It wasn't unlike him to eat a sandwich before going to bed. He tried to keep the tears from his eyes. "Well? Eat up."

"I can't Mama, Dad said no dinner if you don't finish your chores on time." Johnny wiped his eyes on his sleeve.

"Your father said it was all right for you to eat this. He doesn't want you to get sick and neither do I." She kissed Johnny on the top of the head. "Just put the dishes in the sink when you're done. Turn off the light and go to bed."

"All right, Mama." Johnny ate the sandwich and drank his tea. He was feeling sleepy and achy by the time he finished eating. Putting the dishes in the sink, he slowly walked upstairs.

The Cemetery
October 1977

"What?" Roy asked Johnny.

"I was just remembering the Christmas of Sixty-Four. That was the year I almost died from pneumonia." Johnny spoke softly. "I had gotten in trouble for dawdling and staying out too long. Then I ran away in the cold night and when Dad caught up with me, we were quite a ways from the ranch. I was wet, and cold. Once I got home, I ate a sandwich and had a cup of my mother's hot honey tea. I still love that stuff. Anyway, I woke up around three on Christmas Eve not able to stop coughing. I woke up Jake and he went and got Mama and Dad. They took me to the clinic in town. I was there for almost two weeks. Pete complained that I got sick on purpose. Just to ruin Christmas for him because he got me into trouble. He beat me up every day for a month after I was well enough to return to school."

"I'm sorry." Roy said. He looked over at the Junior Peter Gage and sneered.

"It's okay, Roy. That happened years ago." Johnny stood. "Let's go."

Roy and Johnny walked over to the car. The rain and turned back into snow and it was falling heavier now. He hoped the ride wouldn't take too long.

They arrived back at the house forty minutes later. Roy got out of the car and turned. He saw that Johnny was still sitting behind the wheel. "You coming, Junior?"

"Huh?" Johnny looked around. "Oh, yeah." He then took the keys out of the ignition and opened the door. They walked up to the house in silence. "I want to go home." Johnny whispered.

"In a couple of days, Johnny. Just hang in there." Roy said softly.

"Okay, Roy." Johnny let Roy lead him into the house and back up the stairs. They changed out of their suits and into more comfortable clothes. They would soon have a house full of people.

Johnny sighed as the hot water fell over his tired body. He so wanted to be back in L.A. at home with Roy in his arms. He leaned against the wall and took a deep breath. He then let his thoughts drift back to that fateful day in June of 1968.

Gage Ranch
June 14, 1968

"Hi, Mama." Johnny said as he rushed through the kitchen. "Gotta run."

"Whoa there, John. Have you got that room of yours cleaned up?" Butch said from his seat at the kitchen table.

"I cleaned up my stuff. Jake's side of the room is just the way he left it." Johnny drank a glass of orange juice then again headed for the door.

"STOP! I told you that that room had to be cleaned. Not just one part of the room, but the whole room." Butch stood.

"THAT'S NOT FAIR!" Johnny yelled at his father.

"UPSTAIRS! NOW!" Butch followed his son up the stairs.

Johnny opened the bedroom door and saw Jake sitting on his bed. "GET OFF MY BED YOU MORON!"

"Don't yell at your brother. Jake, run on downstairs now." Butch smiled at his youngest.

"Okay, Dad." Jake jumped off Johnny's bed and gave his brother a sneer. "Asshole." He said to Johnny as he went past.

"Did you hear what he called me?" Johnny turned to his father.

"Room, NOW!" Butch slammed the door closed after he left.

Johnny stood in the middle of the room crying. "I hate him." He said as he started cleaning up the room that had more of Jakes mess in it than his own. "This is so unfair. I hate him. I can't wait to go away to school."

Johnny was waiting for the letter of acceptance to the University of California Irvine. He was hoping to hear in the next day or two. He'd applied to the University of Montana only because his father had insisted. But he'd also applied to UC of I just on the off chance that he got in.

Once done, Johnny quietly left the house via the bedroom window. He looked around to make sure the coast was clear before climbing down the side of the house. Once on the ground he headed down the lane to the road into town. He was still pissed at his father and brother.

Johnny stayed out for several hours. He was on the road home when he saw his fathers truck approaching. "Shit."

Butch brought his truck to a halt and got out. "JOHN GAGE! You are in so much trouble, young man. Get into the truck. NOW!"

Johnny climbed into the bed of the truck and sat down. He rested his arms on his knees and his head in his arms. He felt the tears come back

October 1977

"What's wrong?" Roy asked Johnny.

"Huh?" Johnny shook himself.

"You've been in there for a long time. Thought the hot water might be all gone before I get a chance at it." Roy laughed as he pulled back the shower curtain. He stopped when he saw Johnny's red rimmed eyes.

"Sorry." He stepped out of the tub and toweled off. He then wrapped his robe around his chilled body and left the room.

Roy showered quickly then went down the hall to take care of his lover.

Johnny was laying on the bed under the covers. He was crying harder than he could ever remember crying as an adult. He felt the bed dip and burrowed further under the covers.

"Johnny?" Roy spoke softly. He rubbed the covered body gently. "Come on, Babe. Tell me what I need to do to make you happy again."

"Sorry, Roy." Johnny pushed the covers off his head. "Come to bed and I'll tell you a story."

Roy climbed into bed and pulled Johnny into his arms. "Talk to me, buddy."

Johnny took a deep breath and began. "It was oh, around 1 in the after noon on the 15th of June, back in Sixty-Eight. I was seventeen. I had graduated from High School and was waiting to hear from the colleges I'd applied to. I had a run in with my dad and had left home without permission. Pops came looking for me and found me as I was walking home....."

Gage Ranch 1968

Johnny jumped out of the bed of the truck and headed into the house.

"Not so fast, mister." Butch called after his son.

"What?" Johnny said as he stopped.

"We have a little discussing to do." He then pointed to the wood shed.

"You've got to be kidding me." Johnny sighed. "All right."

Once in the wood shed, Butch took the strap that hung on the wall off it's hook. "I think it's time you and I had a discussion about your behavior."

Johnny's eyes widened. He hadn't been strapped since he was fourteen. "Come on Pops. Ain't I a little too old for a spanking?"

"Not in my book you aren't." Butch folded the leather strap in half. He then snapped it. "Pants down and assume the position."

"NO!" Johnny backed up trying to get to the door and in his mind, safety. "I won't."

"You will and you will do it now!" Butch headed for his son.

Johnny had no where to go. His father still out weighed him by a good forty pounds so he knew he was sunk. Turning towards the bench that held the tools, Johnny undid his belt and jeans. He then pushed them along with his shorts down to his ankles. He then leaned forward resting his arms on the bench.

Butch stepped up to his son and rearranged him so that he was in the proper position. He then positioned himself and began the strapping. "Now, you will get fifteen licks. You are being punished for yelling at me, your mother and your brother. For running away, for going into town without permission and for not cleaning your room right the first time."

Johnny stood there with weak knees. He'd never had more than ten licks in his whole life and then he was supported by his fathers legs. This time he had only his arms to support him on the bench. He braced himself for the first lick.

"One." Butch said as the leather hit skin.

Johnny gasped at the pain. He was determined not to cry though.

"Two." Butch continued the count as the strap fell.

By the time the count was at nine, Johnny was crying.

By the time the count was done, Johnny was down right bawling.

Butch put the strap back and left the shed. "No dinner." Were his parting words.

Johnny put himself back together and headed into the house. He stopped by the table just inside the door to check for mail. He found two envelopes with his name on them. Picking them up, he headed up the stairs. He ripped into the envelope with the California post mark and smiled. "YES!" He yelled.

"Quiet down up there." Johnny's father called up the stairs.

"Okay." Johnny called back. He then went into his room and stopped dead in his tracks. All the work he'd done on the room had been undone and his brother was again sitting on his bed. "What did you do?"

"Nothing." Jake said. He then jumped off the bed and headed out of the room. "But boy are you in trouble."

Johnny dropped down on the bed only to jump back up from the pain in his bottom. He laid down on his bed on his stomach and looked the letter over. He was happy for the first time in a long time. He got accepted to a good college and with his grades, he'd been offered an academic scholarship too.

He stood and started picking up the room again. The door came open and he looked up to see his father.

"What happened? I told you to clean this pig sty up." Butch stepped into the room.

"I DID! But Jake messed it up while I was gone." Johnny sighed. He was feeling like a trapped animal.

"Your mother says you got a letter from the University of Montana." Butch looked around the room and saw the envelope on the dresser.

"Yeah. I did." Johnny said. He continued picking up the room while his father watched.

"She also said there was one from the University of California." Butch sat down on Jake's bed.

"Yeah." Johnny knelt on the floor and put his arms on the bed. He handed his father the letter from the University of California. "I got in with a full scholarship."

Butch looked the contents of the envelope over. He set it aside. "What did the other one say?"

"I dunno." Johnny shrugged. He stood and grabbed the other envelope. "Here."

Butch opened it up and read the letter. "Well, you screwed up your chances at college, John."

"What?" Johnny asked.

"You weren't accepted." His father said matter of factly.

"So? I'll just go to California." Johnny stated.

"I don't think so." Butch stood. "I didn't work so hard all these years for you to go all the way across the country to go to school. It's not even an agricultural college. You'll just have to go to the Junior College in Billings and try again next year."

"NO!" Johnny pulled himself up to his full height. "I'm going to California. Period. I got a full scholarship, so you don't have to pay for anything. I'll work so you won't have to support me. I'm not going to Billings."

"YES YOU ARE!" Butch yelled.

"NO!" Johnny said one more time.

Butch then did something he'd never done before. He slapped his son across the face. "YES YOU ARE!"

"I HATE YOU!" Johnny slammed the door so hard that the pictures on the wall shook on their hooks.

The Ranch 1977

"I left for California two days later. I haven't been back until now." Johnny said.

Roy pulled Johnny closer into his arms. "I'm so, so sorry." He whispered over and over as he comforted his friend.

"Thanks, Roy. Thanks for listening and not judging." Johnny wiped his nose with a tissue Roy handed him.

"No sweat. That's what I'm here for." Roy smiled.

There was a knock on the door, then the door opened. Terri stood in the door way taking in the sight before her. "Uh, Shelly wants to know if you would like anything to eat before turning in."

"Sure." Johnny stood. He looked at a small notebook he kept in his back pocket of this jeans. "Yeah, I haven't eaten enough today."

Roy and Johnny headed down the stairs. They walked into the kitchen where Terri, Shelly, Tom and Pete were sitting.

"Where's Dad?" Johnny asked.

"He's in the den." Pete said. He looked at Johnny in such a way that Johnny flinched. " I wouldn't advise you to bother him either. In fact, I think it's best that you leave tonight."

"Peter Alan Gage!" Shelly snapped. "How dare you."

"What? I didn't do anything wrong. I swear, ever since John boy here returned I've been getting yelled at all the time." He stood and stormed out of the house.

"I'm sorry, Johnny. We don't want you to leave." Shelly gave her brother a hug.

"Speak for yourself." Jake entered the room.

"Jake, why do you hate me so much?" Johnny quietly asked.

"Because I do." Jake said. "You always caused trouble. You made Dad mad and when he was mad at you he took it out on me."

"I'm sorry." Johnny stood. "I'll be out of here in an hour. I just need to find a motel. I'm not scheduled to fly home for another four days."

Roy looked around the room. "I hope you are all happy. I didn't even know John had a family until the day he got the phone call. He didn't want me to come with him, but I insisted. Now I see why. The way you've treated him is shameful. All he ever asks for is love. No wonder he's so hard on himself. He's never gotten acceptance from his own family." Roy then left the room to follow his lover.

"I can't believe this!" Tom stood. "You let some fag run roughshod all over you. Well I for one will not put up with this."

"Sit down Thomas!" Shelly snapped. "You too, Jacob."

Once all the adults were sitting, Shelly spoke. "I kept in touch with Johnny over the years. He went to school out in California. He finished three years of college. The last year there, he spent working as a fire fighter as well as going to school. He became one of the first paramedics in the County and still is one of the best. He and Roy have been through some rough spots together. Johnny was hit by a car three months ago and Roy stayed by his side. Now, none of us can say we were ever there for Johnny when he was sick or hurt or when he succeeded or anything. So you all owe that man an apology. And this time, Peter will apologize and none of you will threaten either man. Is that clear?"

They all shook their heads.

The door to the den slammed open just then. "WHERE IS THAT SON OF A BITCH?" Butch was yelling.

He went up the stairs with Pete hot on his tail.

Johnny was packing his suit case when the door crashed open. He felt the hands grab him by the collar of his robe before he could turn around. "POPS!" He yelled.

"Shut up. Get your ass out to the wood shed! NOW!" Butch started hitting Johnny's back and arms.

"OW! Stop it Pops. What did I do?" Johnny tried to stop the man who was hitting him.

"I said move it, mister." Butch then pushed Johnny out the door and all but frog marched him down the stairs.

Roy followed right behind trying to stop the man from hurting his lover. "Please, don't hit him."

"Stow it, DeSoto!" Pete said. "Keep your fag hands to yourself. You're just lucky Dad's not gonna beat your ass."

"WHAT?!?!" Roy caught up to the two men. "You can't do this!"

"ROY?" Johnny called. "Help me, Roy. Make him stop. Please!"

Roy found himself flat on his back as a fist slammed into his face. "I said hands off!" Peter stood over Roy.

Johnny couldn't do anything but go where his father led him. He soon found himself in the shed with his father locking the door.

"You know the drill. Pants down and assume the position." Butch was wrapping the strap around his right hand.

Johnny gulped. He held up his hand in an attempt to calm his father. "Look, I don't know what I've done. But I assure you, I was getting ready to leave."

"Oh, you're not going anywhere, BOY. You're going to take your punishment, then you're going to sleep out here in the shed and tomorrow, well, we'll just see about getting any notion you have of returning to California right on out of your head." Butch stepped up to Johnny. "NOW DROP 'EM!"

Johnny had no other choice but to do what he'd been told. He slowly removed his robe and pushed his pajama bottoms down his slender hips. He then turned and faced the work bench. Bending slightly, he spread his legs and supported his body with his arms on the bench.

"You are being punished for sinning, boy. Your punishment is thirty-six licks. Twenty seven for all the years of your life, plus nine for the years you've been away." Butch brought back his arm and laid out the first lick.

Johnny squirmed as the belt fell. His ass was on fire as his father meted out the punishment. He ceased hearing his father count as each hit made it's mark. He only hoped it ended soon.

The beating stopped and Butch dropped his arms. "Now, for living in sin, you are sentenced to spending the night in the shed with only the clothes you have on." He gestured at Johnny's pajama bottoms and robe. "You are to have no food, or water until I say so. Is that clear?"

Johnny nodded his head. "Yes, Sir."

Butch hung the strap back up and unlocked the shed door. "Don't try to get out, boy."

Johnny sat down on the ground and let the tears fall. Never in his twenty seven years had he been so humiliated. His father had never treated him this way before. He cried for his mother, his family and his lover. He curled himself into a ball as the cold winter air took hold.

Roy picked up the luggage and headed down to the car. He put the bags in the trunk save for the small carry on which he had packed some clothes for Johnny. His jaw ached from the punch he'd received.

Johnny laid on the cold hard ground waiting for someone to help him. He didn't know what had happened to Roy and was very worried.

"Here." Roy heard a soft voice say.

He turned and Shelly was standing beside him with a key.

"This will open the shed. Take Johnny away." Shelly placed the key into Roy's hand. "Please. Take care of my brother. He's been hurt very bad."

"Thanks." Roy spoke softly. "When should I get him?"

"Wait for another hour or so. Come in and have some hot honey tea. I'll make you a thermos of it to take on your trip." Shelly led the way into the house.

In the kitchen, Terri sat crying. "I'm sorry, Roy. I shouldn't have said anything. I didn't know Pete would tell their father or that Butch would go off the deep end." She said through the tears.

"It's okay." Shelly said. "Those no good men deserve a beating as punishment for what they did to my brother."

"No, they don't. They need to learn compassion and forgiveness. I feel that your father never forgave Johnny for leaving when he did and the way he did. He's hurt by his wife's death and then his son shows up and that makes the old pain resurface. Can you get the tea. I don't feel safe here and I want to get Johnny out of here as soon as possible." Roy stood looking at the floor.

"Sure, Roy. Where will you go?" Shell asked as she filled a thermos with Johnny's favorite winter drink.

"Billings for now, then tomorrow we'll head on to Helena and catch the first flight we can for L.A." Roy said. He accepted the thermos then pulled his coat back on. "Where's Johnny's duster? I couldn't find it in the closet."

"It's on the coat rack by the back door." Terri said. "I saw Jake put it there."

"Thanks." Roy turned to leave.

"Going somewhere?" A mean voice said behind Roy.

"Yeah, I'm going out to my car. Then I'm getting the hell outta here." He made sure not to mention that he was taking Johnny with him.

"I don't think so." The voice said. "You brought my brother into sin, it's only fair that you be punished for that." The voice turned ice cold.

"No, son." Butch said. "Johnny's been punished enough. Roy is right. We shouldn't have punished Johnny without talking to him first. Jake, take this and go get Johnny. Bring him into the house." He handed his youngest son a key.

"Yes, Sir." Jake ran out the door to get his brother.

"Roy, I'm so sorry you had to see what you saw this evening. You must understand, Johnny left home at a young age and never came back. I feared that he would be tempted by the sins of big city life. And as I feared, I was right. He was tempted. I just never knew he'd give into some of the temptations. Tell me, does my boy drink hard liquor?" Butch looked at Roy.

"No, Sir. An occasional beer, but never anything harder. And you're wrong. Johnny wasn't tempted by sins of big city life. He followed his heart. And if his heart leading him to me is a sin, than I feel so sorry for you and your family because you are going to lose completely one of the best men I have ever known." Roy stood then and headed for the back door. He watched as Jake tried to get Johnny to come into the house. He couldn't hear what was happening, he only knew that a struggle was going on.

"Come on John. Dad wants to talk to you." Jake was pleading with his brother.

"No, that's a lie. I won't go in there, he'll only beat me more. Let me go, Jake. Roy, please help me." Johnny fell to his knees in the snow. "Please, Roy. I need you."

"I'm right here, Johnny." Roy wrapped Johnny's coat around his body. "Come on, babe, let's go inside where it's warm."

"No, Roy. Let's go, we can leave, and not ever come back." Johnny was struggling to his feet.

"No, Johnny. We need to get you inside and get you some shoes on. Then I need to check you over and make sure you weren't hurt badly enough to need a doctor. Then you're going to soak in a warm tub of Epsom salts while I feed you. Then you're going to sleep in my arms and have nothing but sweet dreams. Then tomorrow, we're going to talk to your father and then leave." Roy led Johnny into the house.

The two men were being watched from the porch. Shelly was crying as her brother fell apart in his lovers arms. "I can't believe you did that to him." She said to her father. "He left this house because you wouldn't let him go. Now he's back, but you beat him and try to incarcerate him in the shed. I swear I don't know you when he's around. It's like Johnny is a nobody to you, yet you have to make his life miserable."

Johnny heard the words his sister was saying. "No, Shel, it's all my fault. I deserved it."

"Johnny, you do not deserve the treatment you've been getting since you got here." Roy hissed. He then pushed his way through the door and into the kitchen. He picked up the thermos and hustled Johnny up the stairs. "Shelly, can you bring up a sandwich or something?"

"Sure Roy." Shelly and Terri headed in to make some sandwiches for both men. They spoke quietly to themselves.

Roy helped Johnny sit down in the tub. "Lean back." He then handed him a cup of the sweet drink.

"Thanks." Johnny whispered.

"You're welcome." Roy picked up the wash cloth and soaped it up. He then started gently washing the body he spent many nights worshipping. He had checked Johnny's buttocks before letting him sink down into the hot water.

"Feels good." Johnny mumbled.

A knock on the door brought Johnny out of the haze he'd been floating in. He looked at Roy with panic filled eyes.

"Take it easy." Roy said. He stood and went to the door.

"Here's some dinner for you and Johnny." Shelly said. She handed Roy a tray with two plates and two glasses of milk. "Here's another thermos of tea too."

"Thank you." Roy took the tray and set it on the closed toilet lid. He then resumed his position on the floor next to the tub. "Want a sandwich or a carrot stick?"

"Sandwich." Johnny sighed as he sank back. Eating the sandwich he looked at Roy. "I am sorry."

"Hey, like I said, it's not your fault." Roy smiled. He took a bite of his sandwich then resumed washing Johnny's body.

They spent another half hour in the bathroom eating and relaxing. Roy then helped Johnny get dressed in fresh pajamas. He then helped his lover into bed. The beds were still pushed together. He turned off the light and joined his lover in bed. He tenderly pulled Johnny into his arms.

Roy sat up. He looked around the dark room. He couldn't figure out what woke him at first. Then he noticed that Johnny was no longer in bed with him. He reached over and turned on the bedside lamp. Looking at the clock he saw that it was just before four in the morning. He grabbed his robe and put it on as he stepped into his slippers. He then headed for the door and hopefully his lover.

Johnny was sitting at the kitchen table drinking a cup of tea. He didn't hear Roy enter the room.

"Hi." He said as he put his hands on Johnny's shoulders.

"Huh?" Johnny craned his neck and looked at Roy. "Oh, hi."

"Couldn't sleep, huh?" Roy sat next to Johnny.

"I'm scared, Roy. For the first time in my life, I'm afraid of my father and brothers." Johnny folded his arms and set his head on them.

"It's going to be all right, Johnny. We can leave now if you want." Roy rubbed Johnny's back.

"It's snowing again." Johnny said in an off handed way.

"So." Roy stated. He stood and went to the stove. Putting the water on, he turned back to Johnny.

"What's the secret?" Roy asked.

"Secret?" Johnny echoed.

"To the tea. How did your mom make it?" Roy asked.

"I don't know. I always just make regular hot tea, then put in two teaspoons of honey." Johnny shrugged.

"Tea, honey, water. Got it." Roy set about making two more cups of tea. "How come you don't drink this at home?"

"You're kidding, right? If Chet Kelly ever found out that I drink this on a regular basis I'd never hear the end of it." Johnny smiled a genuine smile for the first time since the phone call.

"Yeah, there is that. But don't let it stop you when we're home. Okay? I like this stuff." Roy smiled back.

They sat at the table quietly drinking their tea.

"My childhood was okay for the most part, Roy. Sure I got my share of strappings, what kid doesn't?" Johnny shrugged. "Anyway, I started having problems when I was fourteen. It seemed that all I could do was get into trouble. Pete and Jake never had to worry about getting in to Dutch over anything because there was Johnny to push it on. I got a strapping for lying, when I didn't lie in the first place. I'd get grounded for the tiniest of things."

"How long did this go on?" Roy asked.

"Until the day I left. I had received word that I got into UC Irvine and Pops said I couldn't go even though I got a full scholarship and everything. I was so mad, Roy. I told him that I hated him after he slapped me. I packed my bags and left two days later. Roy, I was such a fool." Johnny looked down at the table.

"No you weren't, Son. I was. I should have never tried to stop you then or now. You always had a good head on your shoulders. I don't know why I never trusted you or believed you. How can I ever expect you to forgive me when I don't deserve your forgiveness." Butch sat down at the table. "I'm so sorry I treated you so badly, John. Please say something."

Johnny looked at his father. "Dad, you hurt me. Really hurt me. It took me years to get over the hurt from when I was a kid, now I gotta start all over again. Your apology is a little late, DAD. Where were you when I graduated from the fire academy or when I became a paramedic? Where were you when I was sick and dying from a virus or when I was bitten by a rattle snake? I know Shelly knew about my life, didn't she tell you anything?"

"Yes. I knew all of what was happening, John. I chose to not acknowledge your accomplishments based on my hurt from when you left home. That day you said you hated me, John, a part of my heart died that day. I only wish I had come to you then and apologized." Butch stood and went to stand behind his son. "I also know your mother missed you dearly. She agreed with you and your choice of colleges."

"Really?" Johnny looked at his father. "Why didn't any of you tell me this ten years ago?"

"That's easy, John." Shelly entered the room tying the sash on her robe. "Pride."

"Huh?" Johnny asked. "I don't understand."

"Men and their pride. Each one of you just knew you were right and weren't going to budge, well, Dad was wrong but he had too much pride to go to you and tell you. So you were left to believe that you were wrong and always would be therefore not welcomed anymore in the family." Shelly fixed a pot of coffee.

"So all this time, all these years, that I thought I wasn't welcome, I could have come home?" Johnny looked from his sister to his father.

They both nodded their heads. "Yes, John." Butch said.

"Why, Dad? You told me that I was dead to you. That you no longer thought of me as your son. I believed you." Johnny stood up at the table. He was moving towards his father. "All this time, when I could have known my nephews and niece from the day they were born, when I could have been here for Shelly's wedding? I can't believe you."

"Johnny." Roy reached for his lover.

"No, Roy. He's sitting here telling me that after all this time, all these years, that he didn't think to tell me he was wrong." Johnny wrenched his arm out of Roy's grasp. "I'm out of here!"

Johnny ran up the stairs. Roy hot on his heels.

Johnny sat on his bed pulling socks on his feet. He had his long johns on and his jeans and thermal shirt beside him on the bed. He didn't look up when the door opened.

"I don't want to talk about it, Roy." Johnny snapped. He pulled his jeans over his legs then stood and pulled them the rest of the way up. He then pulled his thermal shirt over his head and tucked it in. "I'm tired of fighting with them. I can't do it anymore."

"I know, Johnny." Roy had started dressing himself. "When's our flight?"

"Day after tomorrow. Let's drive to Helena and stay there." Johnny pulled a long sleeve shirt on and buttoned it. He worked his belt through the loops and buckled it. He then grabbed the one bag Roy had brought back in the night before. "Come on, Pokey."

"I'm comin'" Roy smiled. He too had on jeans, long underwear, and long sleeve shirt.

They walked into the kitchen and looked around. The room was empty. Johnny didn't like the feeling that came over him. He rushed into the mud room and grabbed his boots. Stepping into them, he forgo tying them as he pulled his duster on. "Hurry up, Roy. I don't like this."

Roy had his boots on too and was just pulling on his coat. "Right behind ya, Junior."

They made it to the car. "SHIT!"

"What?" Roy asked as Johnny dropped his bag.

"Flat." He said. Pulling the keys out of his coat pocket, he opened the trunk and pulled out the jack and spare. Within five minutes, Roy and Johnny had the tire changed and were on their way.

Butch sat in his den. Pete Jr was there as well. "I can't believe you, Dad. You let that little twerp walk out of here. You know he's going to go back to California and back to letting Roy shove his dick up his ass." Pete snapped at his father.

"I don't want to talk about this right now, Peter." Butch stood. "I can't believe I was so blind. So stupid."

"Why? Because you let that no good jerk of a son of yours leave ten years ago? Because if you're doubting what you did back then, then you have a lot of thinking to do." Pete stood and headed for the door.

"What did Johnny ever do to you that made you hate him so?" Butch looked at his oldest son, as if seeing him for the first time.

"He was a pain in the ass, Dad. Always getting into my things, or getting into trouble. Remember when he thought he could fly and put one of Mom's towels around his neck and jumped out of the hay mow? Damn near broke his neck. Or when he and Chuckie were playing ball in the yard and broke the picture window? You let him off with a lecture. If that had been me, boy, I woulda been in the shed with my pants around my ankles so fast it woulda made my head spin. But Johnny got away with it." Pete was now pacing the room.

"No he didn't." Butch said quietly. "What I did to you and your brothers in the name of punishment was abusive, pure and simple. I beat Johnny more than you or Jake. I believed it when you told me you did your chores when you left them for Johnny. I believed Jake when he said he cleaned up his side of the room and Johnny messed it up again. Johnny and I made more trips out to the shed than you and Jake combined. I never hit Shell, never spanked her. I slapped Johnny. On the face. I've called him a liar and a cheat. I've beat him 'til he couldn't stand let alone sit for several days. I can't believe I treated my son that way. And I can't believe you treat your brother the way you do." He walked up to his eldest child. "I should take you out to that damn tool shed and beat your ass black and blue. Maybe then you'll know what it's like to be in your brothers shoes."

Pete blanched. He didn't remember most of the things his father was confessing too. He honestly remembered Johnny getting away with things while he himself got into trouble. "That's not true Dad."

"Yes it is. I let you and Shelly go to the college of your choice. Then when Johnny graduated with honors and at the top of his class, I told him he couldn't go to the school he wanted to, even though it wasn't going to cost me any money. I didn't want him out of my house and so far away." Butch sat down at his desk. He pulled a passbook out of the desk. "The money I put away for his education is still here. What he didn't know was he was entitled to a free education as a Native American but he didn't know that and I didn't tell him. I didn't tell any of you until Jake was old enough. He went to school thanks to the United States Government."

"What?" Pete stood by his father. He looked at the passbook. "That's in Johnny's name."

"Yes. As was the monies for your education and your sister's." Butch closed the book and stood. "And I am going to see that Johnny gets what's rightfully his."

Pete grabbed his father's arm. "There's over twenty thousand dollars there."

"I know. I never stopped putting money in the account, Pete. I felt that I owed him. Owed him for all the pain and suffering he's gone through in his life." Butch went out the door. He stopped in the mud room and pulled on his boots and coat. "I'm going to give this to him."

"Dad!" Pete called after his father. He wasn't dressed or he would have followed.

"Let him go, Peter." Terri said from the living room. "You should be ashamed of yourself. All these years and you never had a kind word to say about that man. From what I've seen, he's a caring, loving man who hasn't a mean bone in his body. If I had half the guts as him, I'd take the kids and go home." She then ran up the stairs crying.

"Happy now?" Shelly asked. "Mama's dead, and you drove Johnny back out of my life. I sure as hell hope you're happy now, because I sure as hell am NOT!" She then followed her sister-in-law up the stairs.

Jake was sitting in the kitchen with Tom. "What happened?"

"I think your father tried to ask your brother for forgiveness." Tom said softly. "My father used to say that to forgive was to let go. Neither your father or your brother are ready to let go."

"Oh." Jake sat there thinking. He remembered all the times he messed up and his brother took the blame. All the times he messed up the bedroom knowing that his brother had worked so hard at it. He then remembered his mother telling him to be careful of what he wished for because he just might get it. Well, he got it; in spades. "I owe him an apology."

"He left." Tom said. "About a half hour ago. That's where your father went."

"Where'd he go?" Jake stood to go get dressed.

"Helena." Tom said. "They went to Helena. Johnny's flight is the day after tomorrow."

Jake went into the living room. He looked at his brother. "I'm going to Helena. You coming?"

"No." Pete sat down on the couch. "I can't, Jake."

"Suit yourself." He went upstairs to talk to his sister.

"What do you want, Jake?" Shelly asked. She was getting Tracy dressed.

"I'm going to Helena. Do you want to come?" Jake stood there scuffing his shoe in the carpet.

"We're getting ready now." Shell smiled at her brother. He was looking younger that morning. Younger and lost. "We'll pack up the kids and join you in the van in a few minutes. Why don't you go warm it up."

Jake turned and went down stairs. He pulled on his coat and went out side. Once in the big van Shelly and Tom had, he started it and rubbed his hands together while he waited for the vehicle warmed up.

Shelly and Terri came out with the kids in tow. They quickly loaded them into the van and closed the doors. "All right, Jake. Drive."

"Yes, Ma'am." Jake put the van in gear and headed up 212 for Interstate 90. He hoped the weather held and it didn't start snowing harder.

"Let me know when we get to Bozeman." Terri said. She then snuggled down next to her daughter and closed her eyes.

"Sure, Sis." Jake mumbled. He was trying to remember how to get to Helena. He hadn't ever driven there having gone to college in Billings. "Hey, Shel, where do I turn off 90?"

"At State Highway 287 that turns into State 12 then that's what you take into Helena." Shelly said.

"Right. Got it." Jake then turned to driving. He was wishing he could turn on the stereo for some tunes.

Johnny pulled the car over to the side of the highway. "Hey Roy." He shook Roy's arm. "Wake up." Johnny started coughing.

"What?" Roy woke up. He turned to Johnny and took in the flush features. "Are you all right?"

"There's still another three hours to drive and I can't shake this chill. Do you mind driving?" Johnny coughed again.

"Here, trade places with me and I'll take over driving. Here's some tea and we'll stop for something to eat in a little bit." Roy opened his door and reached in the back for the thermos. He then got out of the car and walked around to the drivers side. Getting in, he watched as Johnny moved over to the passenger side. He huddled down in his coat and shivered. Roy pulled the key out of the ignition and went to the trunk. He opened it and pulled out the blanket he had seen in there. "Here. I don't know how this got in here, but I saw it when we were changing the tire."

"Thanks." Johnny spread the small blanket over his lap and huddled down in that as well.

Roy poured a cup of tea and handed it to Johnny. "Here, drink this. I'll have us at a diner in no time at all."

"Thanks Roy." Johnny coughed some more.

Roy started to worry. He'd only heard Johnny cough like this once and that was the time he had bronchitis. He wished they were closer to a city and medical attention if needed.

Johnny sipped his tea and felt the tickle in his throat subside. "Wish I was home. Then Brackett could make me feel better."

Roy was really worried now. Johnny admitting that he needed medical attention was one thing, but wanting to be near it another.

Roy continued to drive listening to Johnny's breathing while the younger man slept.

Jake slowed the van. "Hey, isn't that their car?" He asked pointing to a car parked in a truck stop parking lot.

"Yes." Shelly said as she sat up straighter. They pulled into the lot and parked. "You hungry, Terri?"

"Yeah. Why don't you get it to go though. I don't feel like dealing with the kids right now, besides, they're still asleep." Terri looked at the five children asleep around her.

"Okay." Shelly and Jake headed into the diner.

"Where are we?" Shell asked.

"Just outside Bozeman." Jake smiled. "There they are." He pointed to where Johnny and Roy were sitting.

They walked into the diner and headed for their brother. "Johnny?" Shel asked. "Have you seen Dad?"

"Shel?" Johnny looked up at his sister. He moved over to make room for her. Roy did the same for Jake. "No. Why?"

"He left just after you did. We figured he'd have caught up with you by now." Shelly said.

"No, but he probably took a different route. He knows all the shortcuts. I didn't want to make Roy drive unfamiliar roads in this weather." Johnny sipped at his tea and tried hard not to cough.

"You all right?" Shel reached up and placed a hand on her brother's head. "You're burning up."

"I know. I feel like shit." Johnny sipped some more of his tea. He didn't feel like eating, but the tea was helping his throat and cough. He signaled for the waitress. "Can you fill this thermos with hot water and bring me a couple of tea bags and some honey?"

"Sure, Sweety." The middle aged waitress said. "Right away."

"Thank you." Johnny turned back to Roy. "If Pops did follow, he's probably in Belgrade by now."

"Where's that?" Roy asked.

"West of here. Well, northwest of here. He probably passed us and didn't even know it. We were pulled over for close to a half hour back there outside Livingston." Johnny started coughing again.

Roy reached over and took Johnny's hand in his. "Take a sip of tea."

Shelly watched Roy as he took care of her brother. "Will he be all right?"

"When we get to Helena." Roy said.

"That's still three hours away, and if it starts snowing worse, more." Jake said.

"That's okay, now that we're here, I'll drive the car and you drive the van." Shelly said.

"Who's all with you?" Johnny asked.

"Terri and the kids. We left Tom and Pete at home." Shelly said. "I'll get some more coffee then what say we hit the road."

"Sure." Johnny put some money on the table. "Hey, why's Dad out in this shit?"

"He has something he wants to give you." Shel said. She stood and pulled her coat on, then she went to the counter to get some to go coffee.

Butch pulled into the Motel 6 off I-90 and got a room. He hadn't seen his son drive by or in any of the road side stops so he figured he'd passed them on the road and hopefully they'd stay here at this motel by the airport. He sat in his room thinking about what he was going to say to his son.

Back on the road to Helena, Jake followed the car since he knew his sister knew the way better than he did. He also wanted to be there in case something happened.

Johnny laid in the back seat of the rented sedan and slept. Roy sat in the passenger seat keeping Shelly company.

"So, how long have you known Johnny?" Shel asked.

"Almost six years. We met in August of '72 and started working together in November of '72. We trained together at Rampart for twelve weeks, then we were working out of different stations for three weeks until they had Station 51 finished. It was a new station in a new district in Carson." Roy spoke softly.

"How long have you and Johnny been together?" Shel asked.

"Just under a year. Johnny had been injured at a fire. I...we didn't know if he was going to make it, to be honest. He had a real bad head injury and a broken leg and arm. The worst were the internal injuries. Dr. Early, he's a neurologist at Rampart, he said that Johnny was in a coma. I tell you, I was so scared. I thought I was going to lose my partner, my best friend. I think it was during the many hours I sat vigil that I had taken my feelings further. That I was beyond just loving John, I was IN love with him. After he woke up, I told him how I felt. He surprised me by saying he'd felt that way for years but had just been too scared to say anything." Roy warmed up to talking about his relationship with Johnny.

"So, do you live with him?" Shelly turned the windshield wipers up.

"I had moved in with Johnny the month before the accident. My ex-wife, well she wasn't my ex then, but we were in the process of breaking up, anyway, she kicked me out of the house. I had no where else to go, so I went to Johnny's house. I sorta stayed." Roy blushed.

"Do you have any children?" Shel looked in the rear view to make sure her brother was still behind her.

"A boy, Chris, he's twelve, and a daughter, Jennifer, she's 9." Roy turned in his seat to look at Johnny.

"Is he still asleep?" Shel asked.

"Yeah, he's still feverish too." Roy placed his hand on Johnny's head. "How much further?"

"We'll be in Helena in just under an hour. Where do you want to go?" Shel asked.

"There's a motel over by the airport. I can't remember the name of it, but if we can get there, I can take care of Johnny." Roy said.

"Okay." Shelly turned off the Interstate and onto the business loop that went around the city. She kept her eyes out for the motel.

Johnny stirred when the car came to a stop. "Wha?"

"Shh, it's okay. We're in Helena. We just stopped at that motel by the airport." Roy said. He got out of the car and went in to get a room.

"Shel?" Johnny said as he sat up. He pulled the blanket around his body.

"Yeah, John. I'm here." Shel turned in her seat. "You okay, kiddo?"

"You haven't called me that for years." Johnny smiled. He then coughed. "My chest hurts. Tell Roy my chest hurts bad." He then closed his eyes. "It's hard to breathe."

"Hang in there, John. We'll get you a doctor." Shell patted Johnny's shoulder. "You just rest."

Roy came out of the office with Jake. They had been able to get three rooms, two of them connected so the children would have a room to share with Terri and Shell and Jake would stay in the other. Johnny and Roy had the next room.

"Come on Johnny." Roy said after Shel had parked in front of their rooms. "Your Dad's in room 225. We're in 127. Jake has two rooms, 125 and 124 they connect." Roy said.

"Thanks, Roy." Shelly helped Roy get Johnny out of the car and into the room.

Johnny groaned as he was laid on the bed. He rolled onto his side and curled up. "Cold, Roy."

"I know, Junior." Roy said.

"Junior?" Shel asked.

"Yeah, I've been calling him that for years." Roy grinned. "He hates it."

"I can understand." Shell giggled. "I'll be down the hall. Did you find out about a doctor?"

"Yeah, the motel manager called this guy who's a 'rolling physician'? Never heard of those." Roy shrugged his shoulders.

"That's a doctor who goes around on the reservations and visits the houses of the area. I'm surprised they have one here." Shel explained.

"The guy said something about a convention." Roy shrugged again as he dug through one of the suitcases.

"Okay. Call me if you need me. We'll talk to Dad and meet you for dinner." Shell left the room and went out into the snow and cold.

Johnny moaned again.

"I'm coming, Babe." Roy pulled his coat off and tossed it on the bed closest to the door. "Hang in there, Johnny."

Johnny sat up. "Roy? Where are we?"

"Motel 6 in Helena. Your Dad's in a room upstairs and your family is down the hall. You're sick too." Roy started unwrapping Johnny from the blanket and his duster. "Come on, you need to help me some here."

"Don't wanna. Roy! Stop! I'm cold, dammit." Johnny kept trying to push Roy's hands away.

"Come on Johnny. Don't fight me." Roy continued getting Johnny out of his clothes and into some pajamas. "Here, lay back against the head board. I'm going to call your sister and have her bring us some juice."

"'K" Johnny mumbled. He then burrowed under the covers and tried to go back to sleep.

Roy had just picked up the phone when there was a knock on the door. "Shit!" Roy put the phone down and went to the door. "Yeah, yeah, I'm coming."

Dr. Timothy Ten Bears was standing at the door. "You Roy DeSoto?"

"Yes, come in out of the cold." Roy led the man in. "It's my friend, he's sick."

"Let's see. What's his name?" Tim went over to where Johnny was.

"His name is John Gage. He's 27 years old." Roy sat down on the other side of the bed and tried to pull the covers down. Come on Johnny. The Doctor's here."

"No, Johnny sleeping." Johnny mumbled.

"He gets like that when he's real sick. He suffered a head injury a year ago. Nothing too bad, but when he gets sick, he seems to revert." Roy explained.

"What does his doctors say?" Tim asked.

"They just tell me to keep an eye on him. He's all right. He does his job well and he's normal except when he's sick. He acts a bit, oh how can I say this, childish, no, child like. Nothing I or any of his friends can't handle." Roy went on. He shook Johnny's shoulder again. "Come on John. Time to wake up."

"NO!" Johnny pulled the covers over his head and curled up into a smaller ball.

"You sure about the head injury?" Tim asked.

"Look, his mother died a couple of days ago, he had a falling out with his father. Now he's sick. Give the guy a break." Roy sat on the bed and started tugging at the covers. "John Roderick Gage if you don't get your head out of those covers right now I'm going to take them off myself."

Johnny pushed the covers down and looked at Roy. "I hate you." He said with a hoarse voice.

"You can do that all you want, but right now, the doctor is here and he's going to check you over." Roy pulled the covers down further. "Now, sit up and behave yourself."

"Oh, all right." Johnny sat up in the bed and looked at the doctor. "Who are you?"

"I'm Doctor Timothy Ten Bears. You can call me Doctor Tim." Tim smiled at Johnny. He hadn't been told that his patient was native American. "How do you feel today, John?"

"Sick, Doc. Roy won't let me sleep." Johnny grumbled.

"Well, let's check you out then you can sleep all you want. What do you do for a living, John?" Tim asked as he checked Johnny's pulse, blood pressure, respirations and temperature.

"I'm a paramedic in Los Angeles." Johnny gasped when the cold metal of the stethoscope came into contact with his hot flesh.

"Your temps 101, John. Sounds to me like a case of bronchitis. You might also be getting pneumonia. I'd really like to see you in the hospital and under my care. I have privileges here in Helena at University Hospital. Let's get you over there and get some x-rays of your chest." Tim stood and started putting his instruments away.

"NO! No hospitals. Tell 'im Roy. No hospitals. Please. Need to talk to Pops. Please Roy, get Pops." Johnny started fighting then.

"Shh, it's all right, Johnny. Doc, can't you just give him something? He really hates being in strange hospitals. He's had a rough year and with the head injury then three months ago he was hit by a car well, let's just say, he's all hospital'd out." Roy continued struggling with Johnny.

"It's against my better judgment, but I'll have some antibiotics delivered from the hospital pharmacy. It'll take about an hour. I want him to stay in bed for at least twenty four hours." Tim went over to the phone.

"Yes, Sir." Roy turned to Johnny. "Shh, no hospital. Dr. Tim's going to call and have some meds delivered. You just calm down. I'll go get Shell and have her get your Dad. Okay?"

"Pops? Shelly going to get Pops?" Johnny leaned back. "Good."

"You just rest now." Roy pulled on his coat. "Tim? I need to run down a couple of doors and talk to his sister. I'll be right back."

"Okay." Tim finished with his phone call then went and sat by Johnny. "You grow up around here?"

"Near Busby." Johnny sighed. "My family originally came from Pine Ridge, but Dad got a job with a trucking company just after my brother and sister were born and we moved here. Just traded one Reservation for another."

"Sounds like it. I take it you didn't like that." Tim was interested since he hadn't grown up on a reservation.

"Nope, not at all. They treat ya different there. Especially when your mama's white and your dad's Indian." Johnny snuggled further down and started coughing.

"I'm having some antibiotics sent over as well as some cough syrup. When are you scheduled to go home?" Tim arranged the covers after Johnny quit coughing.

"Day after tomorrow. I think." Johnny shrugged.

"Well, you take it easy and maybe, maybe mind you, I'll give you the okay to fly home. In the mean time, get some rest." Tim stood and pulled on his coat.

Roy walked back into the room. "He okay?"

"Yes. Let him rest." Tim then said his good byes and left the room.

"Roy?" Johnny asked. "Is Dad coming?"

"He's gone to get you some soup. Then he's coming here. You just do as the doctor said and rest." Roy hung up their coats and changed into some different clothes. By the time he was finished there was a knock on the door.

"How's Johnny?" Butch asked.

"Sleeping." Roy whispered. "Come in. He needs to eat now more than sleep." Roy took the box out of Butch's hands. "Wow, where'd you go?"

"There's a diner on the corner. I got Johnny some chicken soup and some milk and hot honey tea. I got use some more soup and sandwiches along with coffee for you and milk and tea for me." Butch started setting things out on the table that was under the window.

"You didn't have to do all this." Roy said as he helped. Taking one of the containers of soup over to the bed, he sat down and shook Johnny awake. "Hey Johnny. Your Dad's here and he brought you some soup and tea."

"Tea?" Johnny pushed himself up on one elbow and started rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

"Yes, tea." Roy giggled. "Here, sit up a bit more."

Roy helped Johnny get positioned on the bed then he handed him the soup and motioned to the tea. "First the soup, then the tea."

Another knock on the door came shortly after Roy had sat down to eat his own supper.

"I have delivery for John Gage." The man at the door said.

"I'll take that." Roy reached for the bag.

"Are you Mr. Gage?" The guy asked.

"No, Mr. Gage is sick in bed. I'm Mr. DeSoto and I can take that." Roy again reached for the bag of medicine.

"I'm sorry but I have orders to deliver this to Mr. John Gage." The guy was beginning to get on Roy's nerves.

"I'll take it. I'm John's father." Butch reached out and snagged the bag out of the young man's hand. "Now, how much do we owe you?"

"Uh, thirty seven fifty." The guy stammered.

Roy gave the man two twenty's then closed the door in his face. "Can you believe that guy?"

"Some people." Butch agreed. They then finished up their dinner.

"Here Johnny. Here's some medicine to help you get better." Roy sat next to his lover and handed him the pills and a glass of juice.

"Do I have to?" Johnny groused.

"I swear, you're worse then Marc and Tony when they have to take medicine. Now take those pills." Butch all but yelled at his son.

"Yes, Sir." Johnny bowed his head and held out his hand for the pills. He then took them drinking all the juice. After wiping off his nose, Johnny stood on wobbly legs. "If it's all right with you, I'm going to the bathroom." He then walked to the bathroom and shut the door.

"Butch, I think you better leave for a while. Let Johnny get to feeling better." Roy gave his lover's father a small smile. "Please. Either I or Shelly will get you when he's in a bit better mood."

"Roy, may I ask you a question?" Butch stood by the door getting ready to leave.

"Sure." Roy said.

"What happened to my son?" Butch looked at the closed door.

"What do you mean?" Roy asked.

"I can't quite put my finger on it, but the boy's changed." He sighed.

"The boy as you call him, has grown up." Roy spoke. He could feel his jaw clinch in anger. "He's been through a hell of a lot over the past 10 years. He's not the best of patients when he's sick or hurt. One year ago, he suffered a head injury that quite frankly, his doctors weren't to sure he'd come back from. He not only came back, but continues to do the job better than a lot of men out there."

"What happened? I mean, why the behavior?" Butch asked.

"When he's sick, or upset, he can revert to a younger age. It doesn't last long and it doesn't interfere with his health. Just let him be and don't treat him like a child and he does just fine." Roy sat on the bed. "Now, please leave so I can get him settled for the night."

"Thank you for you honesty, Roy. I'll be waiting. I really do need to talk to John." Butch left the room closing the door against the storm.

Johnny took the rest of his medicines and crawled into bed to sleep in Roy's arms. "Sorry, Roy."

"Shh, sleep, Johnny." Roy whispered. He then laid a gentle kiss on the top of Johnny's head and held him tighter. He let sleep claim him a few minutes after Johnny's breathing changed to that of someone deeply asleep.

Johnny woke up feeling sweaty. He had moved out of Roy's arms sometime in the night and was now laying curled on his side on the edge of the bed. He fell out as he moved to stand.

"You okay?" Roy asked sleepily.

"No." Johnny stood up rubbing his still sore butt. "I landed on my pride." He then headed into the bathroom.

Roy stood and pulled his robe on. He looked outside and saw that it was still snowing. He hoped they'd be able to fly out the next day. "You hungry, Johnny?"

"What?" Johnny pulled open the door. He was standing there in his pajama bottoms.

"I..uh....that is, I asked if you were hungry?" Roy stepped closer to Johnny as he said each word. "Or would you rather I helped you wash your back?"

"Shower." Johnny growled. "Yes, I'm all sweaty, so shower, now."

Roy stepped into the bathroom and pulled Johnny into his arms. "Good morning." He said after the kiss was broken. "Glad you're feeling better."

"Well, I am but I don't know for how long." Johnny reached into the tub and turned on the shower. He then finished stripping.

Roy followed suit, taking off his robe and pajamas. "Remember when you were growling because I made you pack pajamas?"

"Yeah, I'm glad I did though." Johnny stepped into the hot shower. "Hurry up."

Roy finished taking off his clothes and stepped in behind Johnny. "Mmm you feel good. All slick and wet. Your fever's gone too."

Johnny soaped up a washcloth and started to turn. He looked at Roy with wide eyes when his stomach growled- loudly. "Sorry."

"No need to be sorry. You didn't get to eat as much as you normally do. Your body is just protesting. There's a diner on the corner, we'll go over after we get finished here and eat." Roy took the cloth out of Johnny's hand and started washing his lover's body. "Mmmm, so good."

Johnny leaned his head against the tile while Roy washed his torso. "God, Roy." He gasped when Roy took one of the dusky nipples in his mouth.

"Like that, huh?" Roy moved on to the other nipple while his hand moved lower and lower finally coming to Johnny's genitals. "Want me to take care of that for you?"

"Please." Johnny whispered. His voice having left him in the heat of passion. "Don't stop."

Roy knelt in front of Johnny's awaiting cock and drew it slowly into his mouth.

Johnny grabbed a hold of Roy's head trying to maintain his balance. He started moving his hips as Roy sucked and licked his hard member.

"God, Roy." Johnny kept saying over and over.

Roy finally pulled back. "Bed, now." He managed to get out as he stood and pulled Johnny in for a soul reaching kiss.

"Yes. Please. I want your cock buried in me up to my heart." Johnny scrambled out of the shower almost forgetting to turn off the water.

Roy stopped long enough to grab the tube of lube and some condoms before joining his lover in the bed. "Oh, you are so beautiful."

"Hurry Roy. Fuck me." Johnny rolled over on his stomach and pushed two pillows under him to lift his ass up to the right height. "NOW!" He growled.

"Settle down. You're purring again, Johnny. I think I'm going to call you my pussy cat from now on." Roy smiled as he worked the condom over his swollen shaft. He then gently but quickly prepared his lover for his body.

"You had better not." Johnny grunted as the first finger entered him, stretching his tight hole.

"Oh yes I will." Roy said as he worked the second finger in. "Gosh you're awful tight, relax, Johnny."

Johnny took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He then felt all the tension leave his body.

"That's better." Roy had stretched the opening and was now ready to make his entrance. "Okay, Junior. Deep breath."

Johnny knew what was going to happen next as he took a deep breath and felt Roy lean over his back.

"Easy, babe. " Roy felt himself sink in. "Ahh, so fuckin' tight." He growled out as he started thrusting.

"God. I..." Johnny found himself without voice as Roy's thrusts grew shallower and faster.

Roy then reached around Johnny's stomach and took the weeping cock into his hand and started working his special magic on his lover.

Roy kept up the pace not slowing. This was not the time for slow and easy. He instinctively knew what Johnny needed and was more than happy to give it too him. He did though draw the line at intentionally hurting him.

They kept at it fast and furious. Roy felt Johnny draw closer and he tightened his grip and increased the speed of both the strokes and his thrusts. In a matter of minutes they both fell over the edge.

"WOW!" Johnny let out a burst of air as Roy collapsed on him. "You're getting heavy."

"Sorry." Roy slowly withdrew and rolled off Johnny. He carefully removed the used condom and threw it away. He then got a warm wash cloth and cleaned both himself and Johnny off. "You still hungry or you want to sleep?"

"Food." Johnny said as his stomach once again growled. "I think it's trying to tell me something."

"You think?" Roy said as he pulled clothes out of the suitcase for him and Johnny. "Here, put these on." He had tossed a pair of long johns, complete with a back door, to Johnny. "No way in hell I'm wearin' 'em."

"That's okay, they're mine." Johnny pulled the soft white cotton under clothes on. "Ahh I forgot how soft these were."

"What are they made out of?" Roy asked as he pulled a t-shirt over his head.

"100 percent virgin cotton gave it's life to make these." Johnny stood and put his arms in the sleeves. He then buttoned the 'Union Suit' up. "I can now go out in a blizzard and still be toasty."

"I just hope we can get out of town tomorrow." Roy said. He now had a turtle neck sweater on and was tucking that into his jeans. "Where's my sweater?"

"Which one?" Johnny asked as he pulled his jeans up. He then pulled a flannel shirt and buttoned it up. "Come on, let's go see if Shell's up."

"Wait up." Roy called as Johnny pulled his coat on as he went out the door. "Dammit Johnny." Roy gave up on zipping his parka and walked out the door after picking the key up off the dresser.

Shelly, Jake and Terri were in Shelly's room getting the children dressed. "Morning." Johnny called as Jake opened the door.

"You're all better?" Shelly exclaimed.

"Not quite. Just hungry. Jacob, go get Pops." Johnny sat down and pulled Tracy into his arms. "Hey precious. How's my little girl this morning?"

"Good." Tracy smiled at her Uncle. She then took her thumb out of her mouth and held it up for Johnny.

"Mmm, for me?" Johnny sucked on the small digit. This made the children giggle.

"Thanks." Terri said. "They were a little cranky this morning."

"No problem." Johnny helped get the kids into coats then led the parade out the door.

Jake and Butch were just coming down the stairs when Johnny stepped out. "Hey, Pops."

"Morning, John." Butch watched as a totally different person stood before him. "You hungry?"

"When isn't he?" Shelly asked.

"Ha ha. Not funny Sis." Johnny hugged his sister. "Let's go."

They trekked across the parking lot to the Denny's that Butch had gone to the night before for dinner.

They made a motley crew as they stomped off the snow and brushed off their coats.

The hostess led them to a seat near the back where the big, double booths were.

"Would you mind too much setting three tables together? With five kids, it's kind of hard to use a booth." Terri asked.

"Sure." The young woman said. She snagged a couple of the bussers and they set up three tables with five booster chairs and six regular ones. "Can I get you anything to drink?"

"Coffee and tea for the adults, hot chocolate for those three and milk for those two." Shelly said as she pointed to the children and adults seated.

"Coming right up." The woman left to give their waitress the drinks order.

Ten minutes later all the people seated at the table were sipping their drinks. "I think I'll have the Grand Slam breakfast." Johnny said.

"No you won't." Roy gave Johnny 'the look'. "You remember what Brackett said. More, but spread out through the day. Also, low fat, and this is loaded with the stuff. I think I'll have the oatmeal and an English muffin."

Johnny stuck his tongue out at his lover and slammed the menu closed. "Fine! I'll have two eggs, poached," He sighed this out. "Ham, and Sourdough toast."

"That's better." Roy smiled at Johnny.

"I hate you." He said to Roy so only he could hear.

"I know." Roy again smiled at Johnny.

"Twit." Johnny pushed back his chair. "I'll be right back."

"You okay?" Jake asked. He'd missed most of the exchange as Tracy had spilled her cocoa and he was getting her cleaned up.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Johnny smiled at all and headed for the restroom.

Randy stood to follow his uncle. "Excuse me."

"You need to go to the restroom, little man?" Terri asked her son.

"Yes, Mama." He said as he quickly caught up to Johnny. He reached up and took the man's hand in his. Together they walked into the men's room.

"You trust him?" Jake asked.

"Why shouldn't I?" Terri asked.

"Because he's gay?" Roy asked quietly.

"Well, yeah." Jake said.

"Why?" Roy asked. "I mean, I have two children. They spend weekends at Johnny's Ranch with us. Jo, my ex, she doesn't have a problem with that."

"But." Jake stopped. "You're Johnny's....what? Lover, boyfriend?"

"Mate?" Roy added. "We're partners."

"Oh." Jake said. "You don't...." He made a crude gesture with his hands.

"Jacob!" Butch said. "There will be none of that here."

"Sorry, Dad." Jake looked down at his place mat.

"I'm sorry for my son's crudeness." Butch said.

"That's okay. We've been exposed to worse." Roy gave Butch a smile.

"So, are you a paramedic too?" Terri asked.

"Yes. Johnny and I work together at Station 51 in Carson, a city in L.A. County." Roy told the group. "We've been working together for almost six years now."

"And you're allowed to do this?" Jake asked.

"Sure. Our Captain knows all that he needs to know. Our relationship does not interfere with our work. Our Chief, McConnikee, even knows." Roy stated.

Just as Roy finished, Johnny and Randy returned. "You order yet?"

"No. That's funny, that table over there was seated after us and their order is being taken now." Shelly said.

Johnny looked around the restaurant. "I think there's too much red skin in this party." He said. "I'll be right back."

Roy went to stand too.

"That's okay, Roy. I'll take care of this." Johnny said.

"What did Uncle Johnny mean, Mama?" Randy asked his mother.

"Nothing you need to worry about, little man." She ruffled the hair of her oldest child.

"Dad?" Jake turned to his father.

"Not here, Jake." Butch turned in his seat and watched his son.

The restaurant manager was standing at the register talking on the phone. He looked up when Johnny approached but kept on talking. "Yes, Marge. I know.....just take care of it, okay....I gotta go....see ya when I get home.....bye." He hung up. "And how was the service today?" He asked Johnny.

"Well, considering that we've been sitting there for going on a half an hour and have yet to have anyone take our order, I'd say pretty lousy." Johnny said. If the look on his face was any indication, all in the place would think that the manager was about to get the shit kicked outta him.

"Really?" The manager asked.

Johnny looked at the man's name tag and tried not to laugh. 'Dirk Dick, well the last name is right.' He thought, but what he said was, "Yes, really. Now, me and my family would like to be waited on or your boss is going to be getting a phone call from me, Mr. Dick."

Dirk thought for about a second then picked up a pad and pencil. He gestured to Johnny and they headed to the table.

Johnny sat while Dirk grabbed the arm of their waitress and told her to take their order.

"I'm sorry you had to wait." Dirk said then went back to the register.

"May I take your order?" The twenty something waitress asked.

"Yes." Johnny said. Then they went around the table and placed their orders. Then Johnny looked right at the waitress. "And if it takes more than twenty minutes to get our food, then your bosses boss will receive a phone call from me."

"Yes, Sir." The woman blanched.

"Thank you." Johnny gave the woman a small smile. He then looked at the people at the other tables who were staring. "What?"

Heads snapped as all that were watching the exchange looked elsewhere.

Exactly twenty minutes later two members of the wait staff came out of the kitchen with two trays. The set the orders on the table.

"You know I hate poached eggs, Roy." Johnny stage whispered in his lovers ear.

"I know. That's why Brackett said you could eat eggs cooked that way." Roy winked at Johnny.

"I still hate you." Johnny winked back.

Terri and Shelly smiled at each other. "Uh, Johnny?" Shelly asked.

"Yeah?" Johnny said around a mouthful of toast.

"Why do you say that to Roy?" She asked with a look of innocence on her face.

"Say what?" Johnny was confused.

"You're always saying 'I hate you' to Roy." She said.

"Oh, that. It's code. Nothing to worry about." Johnny smiled. Yup he sure was feeling better.

After all had eaten their fill and Butch and Johnny wrestled over the check, they all bundled back up and went back to the motel.

"Let's meet up in my room in a half hour." Johnny said to his father.

"That's fine with me." Butch headed for the stairs that lead to the second floor and his room.

"What do you think he wants to talk to you about?" Roy asked as he hung up their coats.

"Beats me." Johnny shrugged.

"Well, take your meds and get ready." Roy handed Johnny his pills and a glass of juice.

"Sure." Johnny took the pills without complaint. He looked at Roy. "What?"

"Nothing." Roy turned away.

"Was I that bad yesterday?" Johnny sighed. "I was, wasn't I?"

"No more than normal, babe. You'd had quite a scare the day before and then the, what did your dad call it, strapping, then the trip here. So I have no complaints." Roy pulled Johnny into his arms and kissed him. "I've been wanting to do that all morning. You had me going at the restaurant you know."

"Yeah, I know. Love you, Pally." Johnny returned the kiss.

"Love you too, Junior." Roy said.

A knock on the door drove them apart. "I'll get it." Johnny said. Johnny went to the door and let his father in. "Hi, Dad."

"John." Butch pulled his coat off. "Roy."

"Sir." Roy took the coat and hung it up. "Can I get you some coffee?"

"Thank you." Butch smiled at Roy.

"Coming right up." Roy then stepped into the small area where the sink was and started making the coffee. There was a small four cup coffee maker in that space.

Johnny sat at the table by the window and watched the snow fall. He pulled the thermos he'd had filled at the restaurant off the bed and opened it. The smell of the sweet tea filled the room. He poured himself a cup and took a sip. "So, Dad, what can I do for you today?"

"It's more what I can do for you, John." Butch pulled the passbook out of his shirt pocket. "Now, since you left almost ten years ago, I didn't get a chance to give this to you." He handed his son the book.

"What's this?" Johnny looked at the words stamped on the front. 'First Savings and Loan Billings Montana'.

"It's the money that I had put aside for your education." Butch said.

"My what?" Johnny opened the book and gasped. "Pops, there's twenty thousand dollars here."

"I know. I want you to have it. I wish I'd have had enough guts to give this to you all those years ago." Butch looked down. "I guess what I'm trying to say is...."

Johnny looked from his father to his lover then down at the passbook.

"Johnny, I'm so sorry. I had no right to treat you the way I did. I should never have doubted your honesty during your life. You are a good man, better than I ever hope to be. You've made your mother and I proud. I'm just sorry it took her death to bring you home." Butch reached across the table for his son's hand. "Please, please forgive me."

"Dad." Johnny started. "I....I don't know what to say." He felt the tears stinging his eyes. "I missed you so much."

"I missed you too, son." Butch stood and walked around the table. He then pulled his son into his arms. They stood there in front of the window hugging. Each man crying out their grief over the lost years.

"I'm sorry too, Dad. Sorry I yelled at you and told you that I hated you. I really don't you know?" Johnny ran his shirt sleeve over his face. "I mean, I can't hate you, you're my father."

"Yes I am, and yes you could. I'm just glad you don't." Butch looked his son in the eye. "Forgive me?"

"Yes. I forgive you. I just wish Pete and Jake didn't think so little of me. Why did they treat me so bad?" Johnny was still stumped as to his brothers behavior.

"I don't know, Son. Someday they'll come around and then you'll know. But in the mean time, it's still snowing out and I know those kids would love to play in the snow. You want to join your old man and the kids in a snowball fight?"

"Sure, Pops. Just let me get some warmer clothes on and I'll be right out." Johnny turned to go to the bathroom.

"You're welcome to join us, Roy." Butch said. "Oh, thank you for the coffee."

Roy stood in the parking lot watching the goings on. He laughed when Randy and Lee ganged up on Johnny and tackled him. They shoved snow into his face and hair. All were giggling at the boys' antics.

"UNCLE!" Johnny yelled as the two boys were joined by the twins. "STOP! PLEASE! ROY GET OVER HERE AND HELP ME!"

"You're on your own, Junior." Roy said while he laughed. He knew Johnny shouldn't be out in this weather, but he didn't have the heart to tell him that he needed to go inside. "Get him, boys." Roy yelled instead.

"YEAH!" Four sets of voices yelled as they pounced yet again on Johnny.

Butch stepped up to Roy. "You sure he should be doing this?"

"No, but I can't tell him to stop. He needs this. Needs to play with his nephews and sister. He needs to know that he's loved by his family." Roy spoke from the heart.

"You're right, Roy. I wish I hadn't pushed him away, but thinking about it, if I hadn't, would he have become the man he is today." Butch too found himself speaking from the heart. "Would he have become a fire fighter, then later a paramedic."

"Don't know." Roy said. "But now, I think Johnny's had enough."

Butch and Roy went over and pulled several squirming bodies off Johnny. "Come on kids, leave Uncle Johnny alone." Butch said.

"Aww Grandpa." Marc and Tony said at once.

"I know. But he's sick and he needs to go inside." Butch explained to the twins.

"Okay." Tony sighed. "Come on, Uncle Johnny, you have to go inside now and rest." Marc grabbed one hand and started tugging.

Tony grabbed the other hand and tugged as well.

"Okay." Johnny sounded as dejected as the boys.

Roy laughed. "He loves kids."

"I noticed. He didn't have any use for them when he was younger. He always seemed to get along with the adults better. When he was Randy's age his teachers used to comment on how serious he was. How he never played with the other children. I worried about him, Roy. I thought he had a problem. Maybe a learning problem. But I found out differently. He had an older brother who liked to make his life miserable, and a younger brother who took away much needed attention." Butch looked older than his years. "I missed out on so much raising such a serious child, Roy. I hope your boy isn't like Johnny was. "

"No, Chris is more like Johnny is now. So's Jenny, my girl. They love their Uncle Johnny to death." Roy smiled as the boys continued to drag Johnny across the parking lot. Shelly, Terri and the rest of the kids were following suit.

"Well, it's almost lunch time. I think we need to find another place to eat." Butch headed for the office and some information.

Roy headed for the room where Johnny and the kids were sitting on the bed and pulling off coats and boots. "So, you have fun, Johnny?"

"Sure did, Pally." Johnny's cheeks were red from the cold.

"Well, it's time for you meds. There's a thermos of tea over on the dresser. You get a cup and I'll get your pills." Roy headed for the bathroom.

"Okay." Johnny walked over to the dresser and poured a cup of tea. He then sat down at the small table and sighed. "Your Uncle's all played out, guys." He then started coughing.

"Here ya go." Roy handed Johnny the pills. He then poured some cough medicine in the small plastic cup. "Take this too."

"Thanks." Johnny croaked out.

Five year old Lee walked over to Johnny. He placed his small hand on his Uncle's forehead. His face was solemn and still. He frowned. "You're hot, young man. You need to lay down and take a nap." He said in perfect imitation of his mother.

Everyone cracked up. Everyone that is except Johnny. "So, Doctor Lee, you think I need to take a nap, huh?"

"Yes, Sir." Lee nodded his small head. "And you need to do it now, Mister."

"Okay." Johnny stood and headed to the bathroom. He came out a couple of minutes later dressed in his pajamas. He then went over to the bed closest to the bathroom and crawled under the covers.

Roy looked around the room. "Hey Johnny?"

"Yeah, Roy?" Johnny sounded sleepy.

"You okay, Babe?" Roy walked over to his lover and placed his hand on the same forehead as Lee had tested. "Yup, you're hot."

"I don't feel so good, Roy." Johnny whispered.

"You just get some sleep, I'll clear out the room." Roy pushed Johnny's hair off his face. "You close your eyes now."

Johnny sighed and did as he was told. He drifted as he listened to the kids getting bundled up and led out of the room.

"We'll bring you and Johnny some lunch." Shelly said.

"Thanks, Shel." Roy said then closed the door. He then stripped and crawled under the covers with his lover. "Shh, it's just me." He whispered in Johnny's ear.

"I hate being sick." Johnny groused.

"I do too." Roy agreed. He then snuggled down and held his lover while he slept.

Roy was sitting at the table looking around at all the people sitting there. 'Johnny's finally home.' He thought as he watched Johnny eat his dinner. The nap had helped him greatly.

"So, what are you going to do once you get back to L.A.?" Butch asked.

"Go see Dr. Brackett and get cleared to go to work, then I'm going to work some over time to make up for the lost time." Johnny helped Lee with his steak. "That's a big piece of meat there, Hoss. You sure you can eat all that?"

"Sure can, Uncle Johnny." Lee smiled.

Johnny laughed as he cut off a piece of his steak. He didn't eat as much as he normally would, but he put a good size dent in his dinner.

Once back in the motel room later that evening, Johnny took his medicine again without a fight and climbed into bed. He turned on the TV and watched the early news. "Hey, Roy?"

"Yeah." Roy said as he came out of the bathroom.

"What am I going to do with this money?" Johnny asked as he gestured to the passbook that was on the dresser.

"That's up to you, Babe." Roy sat on the bed and ran his hand up and down Johnny's arm. He then dipped his head and kissed his lover. "Move over."

"Okay." Johnny moved more towards the center of the bed and Roy crawled in beside him. He spooned behind Johnny and held him. They spoke softly until they fell asleep.

Roy put down the suit case and pounced.

Johnny threw the luggage he had in his hand down and giggled. "ROY!"

"Shut up, I'm eating." Roy said as he nibbled on Johnny's long neck.

"Well, let's at least move to the couch where it's more comfortable." Johnny gasped. He pushed Roy over to the large over stuffed couch that was in the middle of the great room. He then pushed Roy down and laid down on top of him. "My turn." He then attacked.

"Well, I see you're completely well." Roy laughed as Johnny ground his hard jean clad cock into Roy's groin.

"Well, not completely." Johnny admitted. "But getting there."

"Let's take care of this now, then we'll call Brackett and get you an appointment." Roy moved so that Johnny was not under him. "If I recall, it's my turn."

"Take it." Johnny gave his body to Roy to love all he wanted.

Station 51

Roy smiled as he entered the day room. "Good morning."

"Hey Roy. How was Montana?" Marco asked.

"Cold." Roy shivered. "Very cold."

"Aww, can't take the cold, Roy?" Chet Kelly asked as he walked into the room. "Hey, where's Johnny?"

"Home with bronchitis." Roy shrugged. "He sorta had a run in with his Dad and ended up sick."

"Wow." Mike Stoker poured Roy a cup of coffee. "That's tough."

"Yeah, but it's all cleared up now. Johnny's back on talking terms with his father and has gotten to know his four nephews and his niece." Roy smiled at the memory of the snowball fight.

"Gage has four nephews?" Chet asked.

"He has two brothers, one sister, and four nephews and one niece." Roy said.

"Sounds like quite a family he has there." Mike said.

Captain Stanley walked into the day room. "Well Roy, I hate to tell you this, but...."

"Brice." All in the room said.

Roy groaned. "Shit." He said under his voice.

"You have a problem, DeSoto?" Craig Brice asked. He was Los Angeles County's most anal retentive/obsessive compulsive paramedic.

"No, Brice, no problem." Roy sneered. "I hate you, Johnny." He said again under his voice.

Marco looked at Mike and winked. Those two had figured out Roy and Johnny's secret code. They knew what it meant when either of the said that they hated the other.

"Let's get ready for role men." Hank stood and headed for the bay. All five of the men followed.

Roy smiled when he got up to the nurses station. He had just brought in a heart patient who looked like he was going to make it. "Hey, Dix."

"Hi, Roy." Dixie McCall said. "How's Johnny feeling today? I know he felt pretty bad when you brought him in the other day."

"Yeah, he's better. The meds the Doc in Helena gave him helped." Roy leaned against the counter and handed the Head Nurse the supply list.

"Don't need too much this round." She said as she started pulling the supplies from the cabinet behind her station.

"Nope. I got Brice with me, so you'll never know." Roy sneered. He looked around for his temporary partner and all but groaned when he saw him walking down the hall. "Speak of the devil and he shall appear."

"What's that DeSoto?" Brice asked.

"Nothing Brice." He picked up the box of supplies and gave Dix a smile. "Let's get back to the barn."

"Okay." Brice followed Roy out to the squad. Roy made sure that Brice understood that he was going to be doing the driving this shift. He got behind the wheel and headed back to the station.

Luckily it was a slow shift. The bad part was it passed slowly because of it.

Roy headed out the next morning as soon as his relief arrived. He stopped at the grocery store for some juice and ice pops that Johnny favored when he was sick. He stopped at the section where there was a small cooler that held flowers of several varieties. He picked out a small 'Get Well Soon' bouquet and added that and a card to his cart. He then went to the checkout lane.

A twenty something woman was running the check stand that morning. She smiled at Roy while he placed his purchases on the belt. "Good morning."

"Morning." Roy said. He pulled his check book out of his inside jacket pocket and his wallet out of his slacks. He then started filling out the check.

She smiled when she saw the flowers. "Your wife sick?"

"No, a friend." Roy said. He signed the check. It had firefighters on it and was from his and Johnny's joint account. They had done that several months ago to pool monies for household expenses. Roy had insisted on paying half of the mortgage and other expenses, so Johnny had suggested a joint account at the County Credit Union.

"The total is Twenty-three seventy." She said with a smile and a pop of her gum.

Roy filled out the total and handed her the check along with his ID.

She looked at the check and noticed there were two names on the check, two MALE names. She looked up at Roy and smiled.

"My room mate." Roy said. He took back his ID and stuffed it along with his wallet into his pocket, he then loaded the bag and flowers into his cart. He gave the lady a small wave as he left the store.

"Did you see that?" Maggie, the usual checker for that check stand asked. "Every week he comes in with this guy, he's dark, handsome, always smiling. I wonder what's wrong."

"Probably sick." Vickie said. She looked at the check she still held in her hand. "Do they always pay with a check on a joint account?"

"Yup." Maggie said. "They've been doing that for several months now."

"Hmm, I wonder...." She trailed off. "Nah, he's got that look. He has to have a girlfriend."

"Don't hold your breath." Maggie smiled.

"Why?" Vickie looked at her friend and co-worker.

"Because there's a reason why they have a joint account. And it ain't 'cuz they're just room mates." Maggie winked.

"You mean he's...." Vickie looked out the window at Roy as he put his purchases in the passenger side of his truck.

"As a three dollar bill." Maggie said. She then headed back to the break room and her coffee.

"Damn." Vickie cursed softly then turned to the next customer in line.

Roy arrived home some twenty minutes later. He whistled as he pulled the bag and bouquet out of the truck.

Johnny was sleeping on the couch. He hadn't been able to sleep much with Roy gone. His throat was still sore and his chest hurt from all the coughing he'd been doing. But as morning had come and the thought of his lover returning to him had finally let Johnny relax and get some much needed sleep.

Roy stood over him and watched him sleep after putting the food away and readying the meds Johnny was taking. Pouring a glass of juice for both of them and putting the water on to boil for tea, he had gone out to watch his lover sleep. Once the kettle began to whistle, Roy went back into the kitchen.

Johnny groaned as he woke up. A sound made its way to his ears and he smiled. "Roy's home." He stood and wrapped the blanket around his slim body and headed for the kitchen. "Roy." Johnny said almost as a sigh.

"Morning, Sunshine." Roy turned and smiled at his lover. "Aw, you look good enough to eat." Roy pulled the younger man into his arms for a much wanted and needed hug.

"How was the shift?" Johnny's muffled voice asked from Roy's shoulder.

"Long, slow, and utterly boring." Roy said. "I got stuck with Brice for the shift. I thought he'd never stop rearranging the drug box."

Johnny laughed. "I'm sorry." He started coughing.

"You're still feeling warm." Roy led Johnny to the table. "I'll make you some tea and you can take your meds."

"Okay." Johnny sat down in the chair and sighed. "I can't wait until I get back to work."

"I know. Me neither." Roy set the cup of hot tea and the bottles of pills on the table. "You hungry?"

"A little." Johnny sniffled. "Nose is sore."

"Red too." Roy smiled. "How about some pancakes and sausage?"

"Sounds good." Johnny sniffled again.

Roy set about making them breakfast while Johnny went upstairs and showered.

He came down twenty minutes later dressed in incredibly tight, faded blue jeans and a white linen short sleeve shirt unbuttoned. He stopped just behind Roy and put his arms around his lover's waist. "Mmm, missed you last night."

"I can tell." Roy said as he stepped back, and closer to Johnny's body. "You feel so good."

"So do you." Johnny looked over Roy's shoulder at the griddle. "Smells good."

"Go sit, we'll eat in a minute." Roy flipped the hot cakes onto a plate. He then removed the sausage from the warmer and took both plates to the table. They sat and ate in companionable silence.

Two Weeks Later

Johnny walked into the day room and looked around. There was a small brown wrapped package on the kitchen table. He walked over to investigate and saw his name on the package. "Hmm, wonder why this is here?" He asked no one as he looked the package over. It had his home address on it, but he didn't remember ever seeing it delivered.

Chet walked in and looked at Johnny. "What you got there, Gage?" The ever inquisitive man asked.

"Nothing, Chet." Johnny took the package over to the sink and pulled his knife out of its holder on his belt. He carefully slit the paper off the box. He then threw the paper on the counter then slit the tape that held the box closed. He opened the box and pulled out the note.

'Dear Johnny,
I know how much you loved Mama's tea so I am sending you the recipe along with a starter kit. Roy told me how you made it at home and I knew I had to send you the proper ingredients. Enjoy and say 'Hi' to Roy for us. Lots of love, Shelly'

Johnny put the note in his front pocket of his pants and looked in the box. He laughed as he sifted through the special tea bags and small container of honey that his sister had sent.

Chet walked up to Johnny and snatched the box out of his hands. "What's this, Gage? Tea? Honey?" Chet snickered. "You planning on inviting Jennifer to your tea party?"

"Shut up, Chet." Johnny reached for the box and Chet moved away.

"Come on, Gage. Give. Why's there tea and honey in here?" Chet giggled as he headed for the door. He ran right into Roy and Hank.

"What are you doing, Kelly?" Hank asked.

"Nothing, Cap." Chet went to put the package behind his back. Roy stepped up to the shorter man.

"That's Johnny's package, Chet. I know because I brought it for him this morning." Roy took the package out of Chet's hand and handed it to Johnny.

"What you got there, Pal?" Hank asked.

"Just a little forgiveness." Johnny smiled as he headed for his locker. "Just a little bit of love and forgiveness."

Roy smiled at Hank as they watched a much happier John Gage exit the room.

The End

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Author's Note number 1: Okay, for the sake of this story, I put an airport in the city of Helena Montana. So sue me. Mainly because I had no idea at the time that the airport was in Missoula, where ever that is......that's according to my baby brother.

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