Faith to Follow your Heart

EPILOGUE

It’s September 10^th, and I haven’t written in this journal for quite a while. 

My life has been kinda hectic over the last year or so.  My exams at school came and went, graduating with honours.  My most memorable experience was my prom though; it was the best night of my life.  I went with Jake and it was perfect.  We all dressed up and met at the Crashdown first of all so our parents could take pictures, and then we spent the whole evening dancing our hearts out.  It wasn’t amazing just because of the whole prom, but it was also the night I emerged from being a child into the woman I am now.  Everything was perfect that night, and we went back to Jake’s parents house which was empty and made love for the first time. 

We’ve been dating for just over three years now, and everything is a perfect as it was the first date we shared.  He is everything I want in a guy and so much more.  He is caring, considerate and so sweet.  He’s tuned in to my every need, always knows when something is wrong.  My mum says it’s something to do with the unique connection we share; she always knows what my dad’s thinking.

The time after graduating, before we all embarked on our chosen careers was one of the happiest times of my life.  Endless days were spent by the beach, on road trips or just hanging out at the Crashdown.  They were good times, carefree times, no exams to stress over, no one worrying about secrets being found out, no cares in the world.

After that though it was back to studying.  Jake is a just over a year into his doctorate apprenticeship at the local hospital, and I will be starting the third trimester of my degree in biological science in just over a month.  At least that is what I was planning to do.

Right now, I would give almost anything to go back to that time.  Right now, I am facing the scariest moment of my life.  I know that in a few minutes my life is probably going to change. 

For the first time in a long time, I am genuinely afraid.

Putting the pen down, Ellie looked towards her pine bedside table, and the only object on it.  She could feel herself shaking as she moved her eyes, in doing so she could see the only colour on the white instrument, it was a dark pink line – positive.

“Oh god, now what do I do?”  She thought to herself as tears pricked her eyes.  Never in her life had she been so fearful of telling Jake anything, but in the last few minutes that had changed rapidly, she was suddenly very afraid of what his reaction would be when she told him her news.  A wave of nausea filled her stomach rising rapidly up her throat and she ran in the direction of the bathroom.

“Ellie are you ok?”  He asked walking up the stairs from the Crashdown.  The first thing he had heard when he walked in was Ellie throwing up.  He knew there was no one else around, since Ellie’s parents were away for the weekend.  He knew the only person being ill had to be Ellie.  Nobody else used the apartment above the Crashdown, except for Ellie when her parents were away.  It still surprised him that someone like Ellie, who could take care of herself with special powers, could get scared about staying in a large house alone, but she did.

He had just come back from a twelve-hour shift at the ER department of the local hospital and although all he wanted to do was sleep, seeing Ellie had been his top priority.  Walking upstairs to the sound of Ellie’s retching hadn’t been part of the plan however. 

Thrusting a hand through his thick hair, Jake wondered why Ellie’s Aunt Maria hadn’t mentioned his girlfriend was sick when he’d seen her a few minutes before in the restaurant.  Long, purposeful strides took him in the direction of the noise, intent on helping his girlfriend.

“Jake!  I didn’t know you were here.”  She said startled as she sat on the floor of the bathroom.

“Yeah, your Aunt Maria said I could come up.  What’s wrong Ellie?”  He said concerned as he stood in the doorway of the bathroom.

“I’m ok.”  She replied weakly, sensing his concern.  Her head was pounding and she laid it against the coolness of the side of the toilet to try and sooth the pain.

Crouching down he studied her complexion for a minute, trying to decide what to do.  Clearly she wasn’t ok, that was plainly obvious.  As if like the flick of a switch inside him Jake’s tiredness evaporated, the doctor in him ruling supreme.

“No you’re not, you’re really pale and clammy.”  He said sitting down on the floor next to her and putting his hand on her ashen forehead.

“Really Jake, I’m ok, I guess I ate something last night that didn’t agree with me.”  She said slowly starting to get up as if to prove him wrong.  She didn’t want to tell him like this, not lying on the bathroom floor.  She wanted and needed time to come to terms with it before informing Jake.  As she got up, however, a huge wave of dizziness washed over her, and she wobbled precariously behind him.

“You’re not fine Ellie.”  He said firmly, catching her before she fell, sweeping her up in his strong arms and carrying her to the bedroom. 

After laying her down, he took a thermometer out of his medical bag and put it in her mouth.

“Jake ….”  She mumbled nearly dropping the thermometer out of her mouth.

“Shhh, you can’t talk at the same time as have that in your mouth.  Just lie back and let me be your doctor for once.”  He insisted. 

After taking the thermometer out of her mouth, he found her temperature was normal, indicating no fever.

“Well you’ve not got a high temperature, any other symptoms?”  He asked.

“Jake really I’m fine.”  She insisted turning away so as not to look in his eyes.  He’d know if he saw into her soul, Ellie knew that, and she couldn’t let him know yet.

“Ellie humour me here, what other symptoms do you have?”  He pressed her.

“Nothing else, it’s just a stomach bug really Jake, I feel fine now.”  She said trying to sound normal.  Jake almost believed her, but he could see that she was shaking, and the fact she wouldn’t look at him indicated there was something else.  She only ever shut him out if there was something seriously wrong, he knew that.  Their lack of a connection was an indication she was definitely blocking his mind from reading hers.

“What aren’t you telling me Ellie?  Do you know what’s wrong with you?”  He asked, trying not to sound worried.

“Jake please just leave it.”  She replied. 

“No I won’t leave it!  I want to know why you just threw up your breakfast, why you’re pale, dizzy, shaking and won’t look at me.  Talk to me Ellie.”  He insisted, turning her to face him.  By looking in her eyes, he could tell she was scared, he didn’t know what of, but she was definitely worried about something.

“I’m sorry Jake.”  She said as tears welled in her eyes and cascaded down her cheeks.

“It’s ok Ellie whatever it is we can handle it.  Please talk to me, I can’t help if you don’t tell me what’s wrong.”  He said taking her in his arms and holding her tight.  He needed to make her feel safe so she’d open up; he had to know what was going on before he went stir crazy.

“I don’t know how it happened, I mean we’re always careful …..”  She mumbled trailing off.

“Careful?  What are you talking about?”  He said confused.  If he had stopped and thought about what she was saying, Jake would have known, but in his overactive imagination he thought only about the worst possible illnesses that she could have.

“Jake …… I’m …….. I’m pregnant.”  She whispered.

“Oh.”  He said as his jaw dropped.  Out of everything that was circling his mind, pregnancy wasn’t one of them.  As she wept softly in his arms, he didn’t know what to say.  He loved her dearly, hell yes, but they had never talked about children.  Besides they were only eighteen and nineteen, what could they possibly offer a child?

“Jake, are you going to say something?”  She whispered lifting her tear-drenched face from his shoulder and pulling away from his grasp slightly.  His lack of response to her news worried her no end.  Previously she’d thought they were in this together, forever.  What if he wanted to walk away, leaving her in this situation to face alone?  The thought of telling her parents, disappointing them, made her blood run cold.

“I don’t know what to say Ellie, this is a big shock.”  He replied honestly.

“I didn’t mean this to happen.” She said quietly as if it was her doing alone.

“Hey, it wasn’t just you Ellie, I believe I had a helping hand in it too.”  He replied accepting responsibility.
”I’m scared Jake.”  She told him.
”So am I Ellie.”  He replied honestly.

“My parents are gonna kill me.”

“We’ll cross that bridge when they come home Ellie, don’t worry about it now.”  He said, cradling her head against his chest.

“Look, this is really lousy timing, I am sure there is something we can do, I mean, we don’t have to have it I guess.”  She said looking into his eyes to try and gauge his real reaction.  It certainly wasn’t what she wanted at all, even though she hadn’t really given it much thought.  But just thinking about getting rid of something they had created, something that had come about through their love, she knew she wouldn’t be able to harm the slowly growing baby.

“Hey slow down Ellie.  Yes I’m scared, yes the timing is lousy, yes I can think of a million reasons why it’s wrong, but I haven’t said anything about not keeping it.  I love you Ellie and we may only be young, but my feelings for you will never change.  I don’t want to pass up this chance …… we might never get another one.”  He replied slipping a hand to gently smooth over her flat stomach.

“I love you Jake.”  She replied softly.

“We’ll work this out Ellie, I promise.”  He added before pulling her close to him once again.

They stayed in the clinch for what seemed like an age, both taking comfort in the fact they weren’t alone.  It was a mess, they both secretly knew that, but one of the nicer kind. 

He hadn’t meant to get her pregnant; he’d thought they’d taken all necessary precautions.   But the thought of their baby growing inside her, albeit tiny at present, made his heart soar.  The thought of all his dreams coming true made him happy, a small smile creeping across his face as he held his dream girl.  They were young, with no real fixed loggings or income apart from his doctorate apprenticeship, but they’d manage.  As long as they had each other, along with the love and the blessing of her family they’d be ok.

She felt like a huge weight had been lifted from her shoulders, a breath of fresh air through her lungs for the first time in a good few days.  In hindsight it had taken Ellie too long to do the test, but now that Jake knew, and she wasn’t alone, made her feel a thousand times better.  Telling her parents, however, wasn’t something she relished.  Although Max and Liz were liberal parents, she knew they’d be disappointed, and her father was the worlds worst when it came to feeling the wrath of his disappointment.  Perhaps that was the problem, the fact he’d feel let down by her.  If he got angry, screamed and yelled it would be better, but she knew her father would more than likely just look at her with sad eyes and say nothing. 

The following day, back at her parents’ house, Ellie couldn’t shake the insatiable urge to run and hide.  Max and Liz had been back a little over two hours, with Abbie and Christian heading straight up to their rooms to do necessary homework.

As she busied herself peeling carrots and laying the steaks along the grill pan, Liz could sense something was wrong with her eldest daughter.  Ellie was known to have her quiet moments, something she’d inherited from Max, but not normally like this.  Liz hadn’t seen Ellie in over two days and normally her daughter was bright as a button and full of gossip to spill, but tonight there was nothing.  Instead Ellie sat at the kitchen table, talking in a low voice to Jake, every once in a while their eyes meeting and silently communicating as if they didn’t want Liz to hear.

Of what the problem was, Liz didn’t know.  But as she headed upstairs to freshen up, she decided to talk to Max.  If something was wrong she wanted to warn him, surprises weren’t his favourite present.

“Hey sleepy.”  Liz said, watching Max roll over as she entered the room.  The drive had been long and he had been in dire need of a rest once they’d got back.

“Hmmm, come here.”  He instructed, his eyes sleepy and hair tousled in a sexy, dreamy way.   Obliging with ease, Liz crouched to his level, before dipping her head to kiss his lips.  Slipping his hand through her hair, Max encouraged her closer, eager to taste his wife of so many years. 

His tongue danced across her bottom lip, caressing it as he silently requested entry.  Granting with ease, she allowed him full access to her mouth, loosing herself in the kiss in the process.  Inside a few moments, Max’s strong hands drifted to her waist, pulling her up onto their large king sized bed that dominated their bright and airy room.  His hands roamed over her body, her nerve endings tingling through her light cotton summer dress.  His bare chest felt hot under her touch, the refined ridges of his moulded muscles still very visible despite his years.

Sighing into the kiss, Max pulled her body over his, lying on his back and wrapping his arms around her.  For a moment her senses swam, her reasoning for why she’d come into the room completely obliterated.  All that mattered was Max kisses, the soft, sensual touch of his warm slender fingers.

The voice of Abbie and Christian in the hallway brought her senses back into line however, much to Max’s annoyance.  It wasn’t like they were worried any of the children would interrupt.  Ellie, Chris and Abbie were well rehearsed in their parents’ ways.  If the bedroom door was shut that meant no entry, unless it was an absolute emergency.

“Liz.”  His voice pleaded with a strangled tone.

“Max we can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because I need to talk to you.”  She said moving across the bed slightly.  “There’s something wrong with Ellie.”

“What is it?”  Max queried, sitting up and instantly giving Liz his complete attention.  If there was one thing that got Max listening it was knowing there was something wrong with one of his children.

“I don’t know what it is, but there’s something going on between Ellie and Jake.”  Liz started, watching the confused look flood Max’s face.  “It’s just a feeling Max, that they’re gonna be telling us something big tonight.”

“Any ideas what it is?”

“No …. But promise me no matter what you’ll stay calm?”

“How can I promise something like that if I don’t know what they’re gonna tell us?”  He complained.

“Please Max, this is important.”

“Fine, ok, I’ll try and stay calm.”

Dinner, normally a cheery affair in the Evans’ household, was somewhat subdued.  Christian and Abbie gabbled away, vying for their parents’ attention, but not Ellie.  Instead she talked in clipped, non-descript sentences, only speaking when absolutely necessary.  She spent most of the meal with her head dipped, fork pushing around food that didn’t quite make it to her mouth.  Jake too seemed to lack his usual ravenous appetite, instead glancing regularly at Ellie throughout the meal as if checking she was ok.

As she cleared away the desert dishes, Liz excused her two eldest children.  Without even looking at him Liz could tell Max was worried.  Vibes were being thrown in her direction subconsciously from her normally cool, calm and collected husband.

“I think it’s time.”  Jake whispered softly, holding her hand tightly under the table to give her courage.  He was ready for any abuse Max might chuck his way once Ellie’s father knew their situation.  He was sure Max would tear strips of him for getting his daughter in to trouble.  But he could cope with that, he could cope with anything, just as long as they left Ellie alone and didn’t yell at her. 

“Ok.”  She responded, a thin smile decorating her lips for courage.  “Mum, dad.  Jake and I need to talk to you.”

“What’s wrong Ellie?”  Max asked, as Liz slipped silently into the vacant seat beside him.  Taking a deep breath she slipped her hands over her husband’s all the while praying the news wasn’t too bad. 

“Well, I guess there’s no easy way to tell you.”  Ellie started, suddenly wishing she’d accepted Jake’s offer to telling them.  Would they take the news any better if it came from Jake rather than their daughter?

“It’s ok sweetie, you can tell us.”  Liz encouraged, needing to know what was wrong to stop the wild ideas circling her brain.

“Well ……. I’m pregnant.”  Ellie finally said, dipping her eyes to avoid her father’s facial expression to her news.  She was ready, ready for the fall out to begin now …………

But it didn’t happen.

Instead Max and Liz just sat there and stared disbelieving at their little girl who was suddenly so very much a woman.  Neither Liz nor Max had even considered the possibility.  Liz had thought perhaps they’d got engaged or worse still eloped and were afraid of Max’s reaction.  Max had assumed it was related to university, or perhaps they wanted to move in together.  But not pregnant, they hadn’t considered that.

This was worse, much worse, Jake thought.  The air in the large kitchen suddenly felt far too thick and constricting.  The stares exchanged between Ellie’s parents didn’t look good either.  And when he glanced at Max, Jake could have sworn he’d seen thunder in the older man’s normally placid eyes.  No, this was definitely worse than any of his nightmares.

“Well …… yes I guess you do need to talk to us.”  Liz started, finally finding her voice but visibly rocked by her daughter’s admission.  She’d guessed Ellie and Jake were intimately involved, they weren’t children anymore, but she’d talked so many times to Ellie about the importance of being careful ……….

“I’d say that’s quite a revelation.  What do you have to say about this?”  Max queried, his voice far too calm and even, blazing eyes directed straight at Jake, however, gave away his true feelings for the situation. 

“We didn’t mean for this to happen sir.”  Jake started, trying to sound strong and in control.  His plan was to match Max stare for stare, but that was already proving difficult.  Since when did Ellie’s father have such powerfully strong eyes?  “It was a mistake, but we are adult enough to take responsibility for our actions.” 

“Pity you couldn’t take responsibility for being more careful.”  He flashed back, directing his comment at Jake alone once more.

“Max.”  Liz said firmly, her tone suggesting he should curb his temper.  Getting angry wasn’t going to solve anything in this situation.

“No Liz, this is no time to be reasonable.  Being a parent is hard enough at any age, god you’re barely eighteen Ellie!”  Max snapped angrily.  He’d promised Liz he’d stay calm, but that was before he’d known the problem. 

“I’m really sorry dad, I didn’t mean to get pregnant.  We were careful ……..”  Ellie trailed off, tears brimming in her eyes.

“Clearly not careful enough!”  Max bit back, visibly upset at his first-born child.

“Max!”  Liz glared.  Even though her husband was voicing all the questions flying around her own head, there were better, more tactful ways of phrasing them.

“I’m sorry.”  Ellie sobbed once more, as Jake wrapped is arms around her shoulders and pulled her into his chest to absorb the pain. 

“Look, if you want to yell at someone, yell at me.”  Jake responded angrily.  “You’re right, we made a mistake, we should have been more careful.  And now we’re paying for it.  But we’ve told you for one reason …… we need your help.  We can’t do this on our own, and we both want your help to make the best of this situation.”  He added, flashing a warning stare to Max.

“And what if we don’t help?”  Max queried, testing the lad.  He had to know Jake’s true intentions for Ellie, had to know if this lad would stand the course.

“Then I guess we’ll just have to manage on our own.”  Jake responded firmly, rising to the test with ease and matching Max’s stare.  “And we will Mr Evans.  You may be disappointed in us right now, but we’ll make you proud again one day.”

Silence fell in the kitchen once more, the two men silently waging a battle of wills to see who would come out victorious.  He’d never been one to back down from a confrontation with anyone, but Max had to concede he couldn’t fault Jake’s intentions.  Clearly, although it grieved him to admit it, Jake had deep feelings for Ellie.  His little girl was growing up, a little too fast for his liking, and no longer needed Max.  Instead she had found someone more than willing to accept any consequences their actions may bestow, even if that meant feeling Max’s wrath. 

“Jake this has nothing to do with not being proud of you two, we are wholeheartedly.”  Liz reassured him.  “You’ve just knocked us with this.  I thought you guys were more sensible …….”

“We are sensible Mrs Evans, and if I could change this I would.  But we’re ready to face up and start a new chapter in our lives.  Your support and blessing would help a long way.”

“Max?”  Liz questioned softly, needing to know her husband was right behind her.  No matter what, no matter how disappointed they were, Ellie was still their daughter in need of their help.

“Ok, yes we’ll help you.”  Max conceded grudgingly.  “But I still don’t like this situation.”  He added, making all aware he hadn’t changed his true feelings.

“Thank you.”  Ellie finally said, lifting her eyes to look at her parents for the first time since the tears had started.

“Oh sweetie.”  Liz cried, her heart breaking for her little girl.

Rising to her feet, Liz hurried around the table to scoop Ellie into her arms.  As if caught in a flashback, Liz could feel her daughter’s pain, anguish and fear.  She remembered it so clearly, as if it was just yesterday.  The pain of telling her parents, of the disappointment and anger in Nancy and Jeff’s voices.  Liz hadn’t had Max beside her to soak up the hurtful words; instead Liz had accepted the barrage all the while tenderly whispering words of comfort and love to her unborn daughter.

“Daddy?”  Ellie whispered softly, needing her father’s love also.

“I’m here.”  Max replied, his own heart crumbling under the emotions capturing all of them.  She needed him, his help, but he couldn’t make this problem go away this time.  All he could do was love and hug her, promise they’d always help.

By the time Jake and Ellie went up to her room, both Max and Liz felt like they’d been rolled over by a steamroller.  For a moment they both just stared at the other, blinking as if still trying to absorb what had just happened.

“Come here.”  Max finally said, pulling Liz into a crushing embrace.

“She’ll be ok Max, she’s strong just like her father.”  Liz promised, looking up into his worried eyes.

“I know …. but she’s so young.”

“She’s old than I was Max.  She’ll cope.  It won’t be easy but she’ll survive.”

“It shouldn’t be like this Liz, she shouldn’t have to go through what you did.  She’s barely a child.”

“She won’t go through what I did Max …. She has Jake.”  Liz said tentatively.  It wasn’t a swipe at Max, more a statement.  It had been Liz’s choice to push him away, he’d done his utmost to be the perfect gentleman and try to marry her.  At least Ellie had more sense than her mother, being fully prepared to accept Jake’s love and help with ease.

“And I wish with all my heart I could go back and make that different.  I can’t imagine what it was like to tell your parents you were expecting Ellie, it must have been hell.”  He said softly, a pinch of guilt and regret in his voice.  The way he’d accepted her pushing him away, tumbling into his so called Destiny, still made him feel bad.  There was no way to rewind time, no point dwelling, but it still made him feel shamefaced that he’d left Liz to raise Ellie for the first five years of her life.

“That was a long time ago Max, please don’t dwell on it.  It was as much my doing as yours; I made it just as hard.  All that matters is you’re here with me now.”  She said, resting her head against his chest.  “I have a feeling this is gonna be even more difficult, feeling helpless isn’t something I enjoy.”

“Now that I can relate to.”  He said, bending down to gently capture her lips in a much needed kiss.

It took much adjusting and getting used to, but the ever-resourceful Evans’ family took the new obstacle in their stride.  Isabelle and Maria fussed over Ellie constantly, and Michael and Alex consoled Max when needed.  All in all friends and family pulled together to make the most of what could have been a difficult situation.

Harder to accept than knowing his little girl was going to be a mother, was the day Ellie moved out of the family home.  She and Jake were desperate to stand on their own two feet and make a real home for their unborn child.  So the apartment above the Crashdown was an obvious choice for them.  The first night without Ellie at home was particularly difficult for Max, knowing his little girl wasn’t at home any more.  Liz, as usual, helped to alleviate his fears, knowing exactly how to calm her worrying husband.

On a bright summer’s morning in the middle of July, Bethany Claudia Saunders made her grand entrance into the world, lusty lungs filling the waiting room with joy. 

From his position standing just inside the doorway, Max watched Ellie tenderly cradle her own daughter now, and his heart swelled.  The baby had certainly been unplanned, but now, watching his daughter hugging his first-born grandchild, Max couldn’t help but smile through tear filled eyes. 

Encircling an arm around his waist, Liz smiled up at her husband, reading this thoughts as if they were spoken allowed.  Never before had she felt so proud, so in awe of life itself. 

“I don’t think I’ve ever felt so human before as I do right now.”  Max confided, as Liz wiped away an escaped tear down his cheek.

“You’ve always been human to me Max, with maybe a touch of Alien class.”  She responded.

Despite everything, the Sheriff, the FBI, and more importantly Destiny itself, they’d made it.  Three beautiful children, and now a precious grandchild in Beth.  Life certainly was perfect to the quiet Roswellian family known simply as The Evanses.

  THE END 

Ok guys, this time it really is the end!  This started out with a simple challenge and tumbled very quickly into a trilogy.  I really hope you’ve enjoyed the ride, I know I’ve loved every minute writing it, even the challenging writers block moments!

Thank you to each and every person who has pushed me along, encouraged me to finish the story and given much needed feedback.

Take care

Kazza

Author:            Kazza – 24th March 2002

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