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Something to Believe in For info, the song used in this part is ‘One of these Days’, by LeAnn Rimes PART 17 Hurrying into the house, Liz decided on the quickest route to somewhere private. Having hardened business associates see her cry was not something she wanted or needed at that moment. It had been a hard enough evening as it was; she didn’t need to have her stony image blown away as well. Scurrying up the grand staircase, Liz passed two closed doors on her path to the end of the long landing. Reaching the end door, she gently turned the handle, before slipping into the room. Gently switching on the light, Liz allowed the familiar surroundings to filter into her brain. It felt strange to be in the room once more, but after the mess with Max, this was the one place where she felt safe. It was a sanctuary; one where she could forget her troubles and allow the contents to fill her with security and love once more. It had been Kyle’s room, the safe haven he and Liz had practically lived in during the weekends at university. Liz’s parents had been strict, rarely allowing Kyle to stay over, let alone share the same room or bed, but Jim had been very different. His attitude had been they were adults, albeit young adults, and they had a right to live their lives as they chose to. It was that freedom which Kyle and Liz had revelled in, but never abused. Many happy times had been shared between Liz and Kyle, as they lay in bed, talking, laughing, and reminiscing of older times. They were good times, carefree times, and suddenly Liz longed to rewind time to experience them all over again. Love with Kyle had been so easy, so simple, so normal, but things weren’t like that anymore. With Max it was much more intense, different and scary. The fact that Liz hadn’t chosen to fall in love with Max petrified her no end. She’d always thought she could control her own decisions in life, choose her own destiny, but things were rapidly being taken out of her hands and put down to fate. She’d been so positive after loosing Kyle, so strong and independent. She’d known the direction of her life, where she was going and how she was going to get there, love hadn’t even figured let alone received a place in her plan. Ever
since you’ve been gone Nights
have a way of draggin’ on Friends
drop by to comfort me But
I’m not much company for long I’ll
get past what was, if I live long enough She’d be foolish, Liz conceded, believing she could control her heart and choose not to love or let anyone close. It had been easy, up until her untimely meeting with Max Evans. Yet, so simply, with the greatest of ease, he had demolished her well-built walls and shook her very foundations. Wish
someone would tell me when, I won’t think of you againI’ll
get past the emptiness, And let a little happiness back in Her emotions were in turmoil; her heart ached for the two loves she would never know. Aching for Kyle, the safe love that had engulfed her so freely, and for Max the dangerously mysterious love that would smoother her in passion if given the slightest chance. One
of these days I’ll be completely over you Heaven
knows how long it will take But
one of these days I’ll find somebody who’ll Love
your memory away One of these days Tears slowly started falling down her cheeks, dropping on to her hands that were resting on her lap. Allowing the pain she felt pour out, Liz didn’t stop her tears, instead allowed them to fall faster. It was somewhat comforting to know this was one emotion she could control. She could cry out her pain, safe in the knowledge she’d inflicted it upon herself. In her heart she believed she deserved all that came her way, it was her punishment to not letting love back into her life, and for hurting Max so badly. One
of these days I’ll be completely over you Heaven knows how long it will take…………. Staring back at the cold, empty doorway to the conservatory, Max was dumbstruck. He felt like he had slipped into a parallel universe, as if what had just happened, hadn’t really taken place. Liz hadn’t really cut right the very core of his being and smashed up his feelings. She hadn’t just pushed her hand in, torn out his heart and stomped all over it. But he wasn’t kidding himself; it was clear by her reaction that Liz didn’t want him. His heart ached as he thought about her, the pain she’d inflicted on him piercing through the centre of his chest. He’d never felt pain like that before, and he felt as if his insides had been ripped out. The yearning he felt for Liz was powerful, and undeniable, like nothing he had ever experienced previously. He’d had other girlfriends, one or two more serious than others, but they hadn’t meant as much to him as Liz. His previous girlfriends had been nice in their own way, but Liz was everything he wanted in a woman and so much more. Her strength of character and strong business sense, her silky brown hair, enticing doe eyes and perfect figure. She was quite simply a vision of beauty that ran much further than skin deep. Yet no matter what he did or what he felt in his heart, he knew it was hopeless. Liz clearly didn’t reciprocate his feelings for her; otherwise she wouldn’t have been able to toss him away so easily. If she felt even an iota of passion for him, she wouldn’t have broken his heart so finally, crushing it into thousands of tiny pieces. No, he resided himself; Liz had made her feelings perfectly clear. If a life of loneliness and sadness was what she desired, then Max was powerless to stop her pushing him further away. What his head reasoned though, his heart seemed to ignore. His head knew his chance with Liz was over, but that didn’t mean his heart liked or even accepted its lonely fate. Wandering out in the direction of the kitchen to obtain another bottle of wine for his guests, James Valenti caught a glimpse of Max sitting alone in the glass conservatory. For a moment, Jim was torn between going and seeing his business associate, or walking on as if he’d seen nothing. It was clear something was troubling Max Evans, and Jim thought perhaps he could help.
Slipping away into the hall, Jim decided silence was the better part of valour. He guessed Max was likely to be hurt, his pride severely wounded, the last thing he needed was Jim probing and prodding. Heading back into the room filled with his other guests; Jim started refilling glasses with the wine. Over in one corner of the room was Alex, along with Max Evans’ striking lady for the night. At first, Jim had been worried his plan of getting Liz and Max closer had been thwarted, with Max bringing a girlfriend. But anyone just glancing at Max and Isabelle could tell they were far from lovers. Their likenesses were striking; they both had the same deep brown penetrating eyes, high cheekbones, and ears that suck out ever so slightly. It was clear they were brother and sister, no question. Settling down between two business associates he was hoping would become partners in a new project, Jim tried to concentrate to what they were saying, all the while glancing across the room. James was intrigued, seeing Alex and the delectable Ms Evans deep in conversation, he couldn’t help but wonder if the evening had been a success, at least for them. Chatting away to Isabelle, Alex could tell she was hitting on him. It wasn’t that hard to see, her brown eyes held his gaze with a shy coyness, her hand seemed to be glued to his arm and her lips were very enticing. Yet despite all the obvious signs, Alex knew in his heart he wasn’t about to make a romantic move towards Isabelle. She was kind, sweet, or at least what he knew of her was, but she was way out of his league. Yes she clearly liked him, but he was sure it was pure infatuation. She was young, in her early 20s he guessed, barely an adult. He was older, wiser, nearing his 27th birthday and Alex knew he couldn’t pursue what his heart desired. There was a naivety surrounding Isabelle’s attempts of seduction, something Alex could see straight through. It was as if she was trying to be something she wasn’t, a mature, older woman, instead of a younger girl just starting out in life. At 26 years old Alex was nowhere near past it, but he certainly felt it. He’d been through so much in his short years, not least loosing his younger sister and the best friend he’d grown up with. Coupled with that was his parents split, all of which had meant Alex had grown up very quickly. On the outside he was mid-twenties, but on the inside he felt nearer fifty sometimes. No matter how he tried to deny it, Alex yearned for a woman to make his wife and the family that went along with that dream. Something told him though, that Isabelle was far from ready to settle down at her time of life, let alone ‘end’ it by committing to children. It wasn’t that Alex was sizing her up and planning the wedding already, more that he knew the direction of his life, and having some ‘fun’ along the way didn’t figure for him. No, with Isabelle, she was a nice girl who was fun to spend time with, but nothing more than an acquaintance. Slowly rising to his feet, Max took several deep breaths as he headed back into the house. He was aware his presence was likely to have been missed, and he wasn’t sure how he would cover for it. Spilling the beans of his heartbreak, to anyone including Isabelle wasn’t something he wanted to do. Then again, facing Liz wasn’t something he wanted to go through either. Pushing open the door, Max slipped inside, and noted the few heads that turned his way. Scanning the room quickly, he noted Liz was conspicuous in her absence. She was nowhere to be seen, and that instantly concerned Max, no matter how much he wished it didn’t. The rest of the evening passed somewhat uneventfully. Liz stayed away for most of the time, only resurfacing once most of the guests had disappeared. That included Max and Isabelle, who had left not long after Max had returned to the party. His heart was no longer in it, he had no enthusiasm to entertain or make idle chitchat anymore. The constant pain in his heart reminding him of the harsh words Liz had spat at him. Isabelle had been somewhat upset, her advances seemed to have been working a charm on Alex, but her protests fell on deaf ears. Max was in no mood to argue with his little sister, and if he wanted to go then she most certainly was coming too. And so, the night that had promised so much, ended in disastrous circumstances according to Jim Valenti. He’d tried so hard to get Liz to move on with her life and to finally move past Kyle, but she’d not made the final hurdle. He’d tried to talk to her once she’d emerged from Kyle’s room, but Liz had rebuffed all advances. He was clueless as to what had happened in the conservatory, and Liz wasn’t forthcoming in any information. Instead as he watched Liz quickly disappear into a waiting taxi, he couldn’t help but shake his head in her direction. She was a wonderful person, kind and caring, but it was clear it would take much more to mend her scared heart. Despite all the help and encouragement from Jim, Alex and mostly Max, she was still too scared, afraid to commit to love again.
PART 18
The next several weeks were hard for everyone involved in the Andersen takeover project. The frosty tension between Liz and Max was clearly evident for all to see, but powerless to stop it. Numerous attempts from Maria, Jim, Alex and also Michael to patch the differences of the battling business associates were futile. Maria had tried to get Liz to open up, to understand what had happened, but Liz had turned her down cold. No matter how much Maria or Alex pushed, Liz refused to fill them in on her conversation with Max at the dinner party. It was clear, whatever had happened was not something she wanted to relive. Max had revealed painfully less information to Michael, much to his friend’s dismay. Michael wasn’t used to seeing his best friend moping around like a bear with a sore head, and he didn’t like it. It Max wasn’t biting his head off in a fit of frustration, his friend was holing up in his office with strict orders given to Isabelle that he wasn’t to be disturbed. Even his own sister couldn’t get Max to open up, and that was rare. Normally, when all else failed, Isabelle could turn on her ‘little sister’ charm and persuade Max to spill all, but it hadn’t worked this time. All around them noted Liz and Max clearly needed their heads knocking together to bring them to their senses, but it was clear only Max and Liz could bring themselves out of whatever pit they’d descended into. Though no one could fault Max and Liz’s commitment to the project. Business meetings were conducted with utmost professionalism, if a touch icy and antagonistic at times. Curt comments were often exchanged, but their ability to put personal feelings to one side was commendable. If nothing else their friends had renewed admiration for the way Max and Liz could switch off their obvious personal feelings so they could get the job done. Waking up to another warm sunny day, Maria gently allowed her body to come to life. Pausing for a moment, she believed everything was ok again, before the nausea that had ripped through her body so viciously the two previous mornings seized her gut once more. Hastily throwing back the covers, she quickly headed to the bathroom just in time before she threw up. Sinking to her knees, Maria allowed her throbbing head to rest gently on the cool bathroom tiles. Wave after wave of nausea continued to hit her dilapidated body, leaving Maria with little strength to move. Eventually, after a little more than ten minutes, the sickness started to subside, allowing Maria to finally lift her body up. Crawling back to the bed, she fell gingerly on to it, taking in deep breaths to stop the wave of dizziness from hitting her body. Something was wrong, seriously wrong, that she was sure of. For the third time in as many days she’d repeated the feat. At first she’d thought it was a stomach bug, or perhaps food poisoning, but now she wasn’t so sure. If she’d been throwing up constantly, or it was her only symptom, then perhaps she could have reasoned it. But there were also the dizzy spells she had to fight constantly, not something normally associated with a stomach bug. She’d tried to ignore all the signs, but she clearly knew something wasn’t right. Lying down on the bed, a thought suddenly slammed through her body, almost causing the nausea to attack once more with vengeance. Fighting to keep hold of control, Maria tried to think back. Counting backwards she tried to work out how late she was, taking in a sharp breath before running for the bathroom once more as she came to the conclusion. Retching again, in some part due to the sickness and part due to her conclusion, she waited for her stomach to stop churning before thinking again. Sitting back down on the bathroom floor, she finally allowed herself to acknowledge the problem. She was over a week late, on it’s own nothing to be exceptionally worried about since she wasn’t always regular, but coupled with the sickness and dizziness pointed to only one possible conclusion. She was pregnant. Her stomach flipped again at the thought, and for a moment she was worried the sickness would return. A few very deep breaths later, she managed to compose herself enough to head back into the bedroom. Tears formed in her eyes as she sat down on the bed, as she thought about the predicament she now found herself in. She loved Michael, she was certain about that, and she assumed or hoped he loved her too, although she’d yet to hear the words pass his lips. But they’d been dating for such a short time, a little over eight weeks and having a baby hadn’t even crossed her mind. She was sure Michael would feel the same, but there was little she could do about it now. Wiping away the tears, Maria tried to compose herself. She had a busy day at work ahead and she knew she had to keep it together. Until she knew for sure whether she was pregnant, in her mind she could still hope she wasn’t. Deciding to do a test a lunchtime, Maria pushed the thoughts to the back of her mind as she busied herself getting dressed for work. By the time she pushed open the large doors to the Amber Inn Group, she was feeling much more herself. The sickness had disappeared, and for a while at least she pretended everything was right and as it should be. Her well-rehearsed plan was thwarted in spectacular fashion though as soon as she stepped into the office. The smell of freshly brewed coffee wafted around as she opened the door, sending Maria’s stomach in to turmoil once more. “Morning Maria.” Liz said breezily, heading out of her office. Looking at her secretary, Liz noted Maria was quickly turning a deep shade of green. The deep breaths Maria was dragging in did little to calm her queasy stomach, and she swayed gently as she tried to fight off the dizziness. “You ok?” Liz queried, slightly concerned. Whatever it was, her secretary looked exceedingly ill. “No.” Maria finally squeaked, dropping her bag in the doorway and racing off to the bathroom across the corridor. “Maria?” Liz’s voice rang out, but all that could be heard was the banging of the restroom door. Quickly placing her coffee cup on the desk, Liz followed Maria’s tracks and headed into the bathroom. “Maria?” She called out, but the only sound in the room coming from Maria’s retching. “I’m ok.” The weak voice replied. She wanted to get Liz to leave her alone, Maria was certainly afraid she’d break down if Liz asked what was wrong. “Well I’ll have to disagree with you there. Throwing up when I say good morning isn’t the best way to impress your boss.” Liz said light-heartedly, pushing the cubical doors until she denoted which one Maria was in. “I’m really sorry Liz, but please, I’m fine.” “Talk to me Maria, maybe I can help.” “No!” Maria said forcefully. Pausing for a moment, Liz decided to leave her secretary to herself. Perhaps it was just a simple stomach bug, and there was little Liz could do until Maria asked for help. Heading out, Liz was just about to push open the door when the terrible sound of Maria retching filled the plush bathroom once more. Deciding that her work colleague and friend was obviously ill, Liz pushed the door and allowed it to bang shut. Quietly walking to the basin area, Liz pulled herself up so she could sit on the free work surface and waited. She wasn’t sure how long it would take for Maria to resurface, but Liz was in no hurry. Maria needed a friend at that moment, and Liz was definitely determined to stay put until she knew what was wrong. It didn’t take long, after a few minutes Maria felt composed enough to finally leave the comfort of the toilet. Unlocking the door, Maria stepped outside, and was immediately shocked to come face to face with Liz. “Yeah, I know, you told me to go. But you’re sick Maria, and I don’t think you should be left alone right now.” Liz said firmly, justifying her reason to stay as anger flashed across Maria’s shining emerald eyes. “I’m better now.” Maria stated calmly, taking some paper towels from the dispenser and running them under the cool water. Wiping them on her face, Maria started to feel a little better, colour beginning to return to her grey and ashen face. “You
don’t look better to me. Is it something you ate?”
Liz queried. “A virus? Stomach bug?” Liz pushed. “………… Don’t think so.” Maria said reluctantly. At that moment, Maria suddenly felt like the weight of the world was resting on her shoulders. Liz’s probing wasn’t helping her brain forget about the probable cause of her sickness. Tears pricked at her eyes, and Maria blinked quickly to try and stop them from cascading down her face. It was like her worst nightmare coming back to haunt her, and she was scared. “Talk to me Maria, tell me what’s wrong. Maybe I can help.” Liz offered, seeing the terror in her friend’s face, and noticing a single tear escaping and slipping down her cheek. “Please Liz, just drop it. There is nothing you can do ok.” Maria said adamantly. The last thing she wanted was ‘Miss Perfect’ judging her. Maria had already received Liz’s verdict on how quickly she’d slept with Michael, she didn’t need another ‘told you so’. For a few moments silence fell over the restroom, neither saying a word, instead just thinking. In her head, Liz was trying to piece together what was happening to Maria. Sickness, obvious dizziness, she tried to think what it could be. Then Liz remembered Maria’s quick exits the previous couple of mornings, although Liz hadn’t known there was anything wrong. “Are you pregnant?” Liz finally asked directly, the tone of her voice soft and caring though. Regardless on Liz’s views, she wanted Maria to feel her boss wasn’t judging her. “What? No!” Maria quickly defended herself, partly because she didn’t want Liz to know, and partly because admitting it was a possibility would mean having to face the problem. Looking straight at her friend, Liz was fully aware she’d hit a nerve. Maria had jumped too swiftly to say no, but her eyes had told a completely different tale. Fear and panic reined supreme in her secretary’s normally dancing green eyes. “How late are you?” Liz pushed on, fully ready for the barrage she expected from Maria. Silence continued to descend on the room, as Liz waited patiently for Maria’s response. But her secretary was certainly being stubborn, refusing the help Liz was offering. “Maria! You need a friend right now ………. just talk to me.” Liz insisted firmly. “About a week or so I think.” Maria finally admitted. Her words seemed to give the signal for the floodgates to open, tears rapidly fell down her face as she finally allowed herself to admit what was happening. “Shhhh, it’s ok.” Liz said comfortingly, placing her arms around Maria and hugging her. As Maria fell apart in her arms, Liz couldn’t help but feel desperately sorry for the poor girl. Holding her close and knowing what Maria was going through suddenly brought back painful memories for Liz, memories she’d buried deep down never to resurface. “It’s not ok!” Maria wailed, finally lifting her head from Liz’s shoulder. “It’s a bloody mess. God how could I have been so stupid!” She scolded herself. “Go easy on yourself Maria, it isn’t just your fault. Michael needs to take responsibility too. I take it the baby is Michael’s isn’t it?” Liz queried, hoping she hadn’t jumped to the wrong conclusion. Her wacky secretary was well renowned for having a new boyfriend on a regular basis. “Yeah it’s Michael’s.” She sniffed, trying to regain her composure. “Have you told him yet?” Liz asked softly. “No, I guess I don’t even know for sure if I am. I haven’t done a test yet.” Maria admitted. “Well then, I think it’s time you took a trip to the doctors. Go now Maria, get it over and done with, you’ll only make yourself sick with worry if you just keep guessing.” Liz said wisely. “You sound like you know what it’s like to be in this position.” Maria said, looking at her friend. “Yeah, I guess maybe I do. It was a long time ago and I was just starting my degree at Uni when I found out I was pregnant. It was a complete shock, we certainly hadn’t even considered let alone planned it.” Liz said softly, somewhat sadly thinking back to a time when things were happy albeit complicated. “You got pregnant? Wow, what happened?” Maria asked as she wiped away the tears. She was certain Liz had no children, and was curious to know what her boss had done in the same circumstances. “I made the only choice I felt I could in the situation. I was barely a child myself; just starting out at college. I couldn’t even comprehend raising a child of my own at that time. So ……….. I terminated it.” Liz replied, hesitating slightly as she remembered how terrible she’d felt after the operation. A bolt of pain cut through her heart at the thought of the little person that had been part of her and Kyle for such a short time. “Wow, what did the child’s father say to that?” Maria asked, somewhat relieved to know she wasn’t the only person who could make a huge mistake like she was in at that moment. “Well, we talked about it for a long time, and finally agreed it was the right thing to do for us. I had been with him for a few years, we were together in high school, but the timing was way off. Neither of us were ready to take on such a responsibility, even though we had a strong relationship.” Liz replied. “Didn’t you feel guilty?” Maria queried, knowing that terminating her pregnancy wasn’t something she thought she’d be strong enough to do. No matter how bad her circumstances, it was a little person inside her, she wasn’t sure she’d be strong enough to get rid of it despite the awful timing.
“And you’ve never regretted it?” “Never is a strong word.” Liz replied softly, needing to change the topic back to Maria. Reliving yet another nightmare in her already complicated life wasn’t Liz’s idea of fun. “Anyway that’s something you and Michael need to talk through, once you find out if you are pregnant. You need to tell him though Maria, as the father he has a right to know, and a duty to face up to his responsibilities.” She added firmly. “Yeah, I know.” Maria said solemnly. It was certainly a conversation she wasn’t relishing the thought of having. She loved Michael with all her heart, but she couldn’t determine how he would react to her little bombshell. “So, you’ll go to the doctors now, find out for sure?” “ …….. ok.” Maria replied, blinking away fresh tears. “And I’ll be here when you get back. I may be your boss Maria, but I want to be a friend too, and if you are pregnant I think you’re gonna need a few friends.” “Thanks Liz.” Maria replied, gratefully accepting a hug from her boss. Watching Maria head out of the restroom, Liz ran some cold water on her hands and gently patted her face. She certainly didn’t envy her secretary. She was aware Maria’s relationship with Michael was intense, but Maria had certainly been careless. No matter what her views on Maria and Michael though, Liz knew she couldn’t judge her secretary. For Liz had been in the same situation, and been a lot younger than Maria. Thinking back to that time when she and Kyle had done the test together, a twinge of pain filled her heart. It had been a tough time for both of them, neither prepared for parenthood, and although she had regretted it for a while afterwards, Liz was certain the termination had been a good idea. Although more than once, after Kyle’s death, she’d wondered if the pain would have been easer to bear if she’d had Kyle’s child to comfort her. Composing herself, Liz headed back to her office to hold down the fort while Maria was absent. Her secretary’s predicament was definitely not something she envied, but she was still prepared to look after Maria no matter what. Michael phoned once that morning, to speak to Maria, and had been shocked when Liz had answered it. It took all of Liz’s strength to make things seem normal, and not tell him about Maria’s predicament. Walking back out into the midday sun, Maria slipped on her dark sunglasses. It was partly to shield her eyes from the glaring sun, but also partly to hide her teary eyes from onlookers. The doctor had confirmed her worst nightmare, and Maria wasn’t sure who to turn to or what to do next. She quiet literally felt like her life was falling down around her. The next task, her heart knew, was to admit to Michael what was going on. She was sure he’d guess something was up when he saw her that night. But it was a conversation Maria knew she’d want to avoid at all costs.
TBC .......................?
A new part will be posted very soon! Author: Kazza – 21st November 2001
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E-mail me at : Kaznstu@btinternet.com
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