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Something to Believe in PART 19 Predictably, from the moment he stepped into her house, Michael knew something was up with his girlfriend. Maria could hardly sit still long enough for him to look at her, let alone touch her. She was jumpy, sitting down only to get up two seconds later to fuss over something else. An hour of her inability to stay put, and Michael was beginning to get mightily frustrated. He hadn’t seen her properly in a few days, no lone time or personal fun because of her mother being around, and he wanted her badly at that moment. Just her jump proximity was enough to start his hormones raging, and he certainly felt consumed with desire at that moment. Heading into the kitchen where the object of his affection was preparing lasagne, Michael walked quietly up behind her. Encircling his arms around Maria’s waist he bent his head to kiss and nip at her exposed neck. “Michael!” She cried out. “God can’t you see I’m trying to cook. Or would you prefer burnt offerings?” She snapped angrily. “I’d prefer you, are you on the menu?” He queried huskily, glossing over her obvious bad mood. “No! I’m not on the flipping menu!” She responded firmly. “Just for once it would be nice to have an evening without you mauling me.” She added. “Mauling you? Since when have I done anything you didn’t want?” He queried defensively. No matter how much he desired her, he would never, ever force himself on her. “Yeah ok, I wanted it, but not now.” She told him, concentrating on stirring the sauce rather than looking at her boyfriend. “Why not now?” He queried, not used to being rejected by a woman. Male pride was a delicate thing, and Michael didn’t like his being dented any more than the next guy. “Because I said so!” She snapped back. “I haven’t seen you in nearly five days, you can’t tell me you don’t want me.” He said indignantly, horrified at the thought of Maria not finding him desirable. “No Michael, I don’t want you. In fact I wish I’d never wanted you right now!” She bellowed, her voice sounding louder than she’d expected. “And what’s that supposed to me?” He yelled back. “Nothing.” She responded quietly, wishing she hadn’t said the words. She was well aware she had to tell him, but not like this, not yet, not until she’d got it sorted out in her own head. She needed to make her own decisions before she even remotely considered telling him the news. “No way Maria, you’re not brushing me off again. What the hell’s going on? Do you want to break it off, is that it?” He queried accusingly. “No.”
She responded in monotone. “Well I’m so sorry to ruin your evening. But my day hasn’t exactly been a bag of laughs either!” She shouted back, her mind fleetingly returning to her doctor’s appointment and the life changing news. “I didn’t say it was, just don’t take out your bad day on me! It’s not my fault!” He responded firmly. “Yeah right!” She replied softly, almost under her breath. “If only he knew”, she thought, “he certainly wouldn’t be desiring or wanting me.” Siring the sauce rhythmically, she bit her lip in a desperate attempt to control her threatening tears. If he saw her cry, Michael would know for sure something was seriously up. “What’s that supposed to mean?” He queried angrily, picking up on her quiet words. “I haven’t spoken to you all day let alone seen you, how could your bad day possibly be my fault?” “Just forget it.” She brushed him off. “No, I won’t just forget it! What the hell is wrong with you, and what the hell has it got to do with me?” He yelled at her. “I have done nothing but be who you want me to be, a friend, a lover, what has happened to change that? You’ve never pushed me away in the time we’ve been together, so why now? I want some answers Maria, I want to know what’s going on and why it’s my fault, so start talking.” He added firmly. “Ok, you want to know ……… I’m pregnant!” She screamed back, and at that very moment she wished she could instantly retract the words. She knew the scene had been all wrong, she’d wanted to tell him over a candlelit dinner and a few glasses of wine, to somewhat soften the blow. But screaming it out in the middle of the kitchen during an already boiling argument, that certainly hadn’t been her plan. Wishing she could crawl into a ball until the problem disappeared, Maria slowly allowed her eyes to drift up to Michael’s face, almost afraid of what she would see. Silence filled the kitchen; the only noise audible was the soft bubbling of the sauce for the lasagne. Staring at Michael, Maria tried to bite back the tears threatening to spill down her face. Her boyfriend was staring into space, clearly stunned by her recent admission. His face registered shock, and just a little fear. His eyes were unfocused, somewhat distant, his body language screaming nervousness. “Are you going to say something?” She finally asked, cutting through the thick, suffocating silence engulfing the room. To Maria, it seemed like an age since Michael had actually spoken audible words, it was as if he’d lost the physical ability to speak. “I’m ……. not sure what to say.” He replied honestly. Raising a shaky hand to his head, Michael ran his fingers gingerly through his thick brown hair. It was as if his worst nightmare had just jumped up and smacked him square in the face. His girlfriend had just uttered the one word that would make him have to grow up ……….. ‘pregnant’. The mere thought made his stomach churn and an acidy taste burn his throat. “Something, anything ……….. just talk to me Michael.” She responded, feeling somewhat afraid. She had been sure he wouldn’t take the news that well, but this was worse than she’d imagined. “Again, what do you want me to say?” He responded, still clearly shocked. “Oh I don’t know Michael, how about it’s ok, we’ll get through this together, you’re not alone, don’t worry. Something comforting, something to tell me this is all gonna be ok.” She replied, blinking away tears forming in her eyes. She wasn’t going to cry; she was determined to maintain her strong front despite his response to her news. “Yeah we’ll maybe it won’t be alright.” He said, thoughts flying quickly through his mind. One thought in particular niggled his brain, and no matter how much he knew it was wrong to ask, he also knew it was a question he had to pass in front of Maria. “Yeah thanks, that’s very comforting!” Maria replied sarcastically. “It
wasn’t meant to be. Look, I have
to ask you something.” “ ……………. Is it mine?” He asked, adding a slightly gentler tone to his voice as if to cushion to the impact of his words. Silence once more reigned supreme in the small kitchen as Maria took in what Michael was saying. Arms firmly crossed in front of her body, her mouth hung open, her eyes displayed the shock and the little pain she was feeling at his words. She had expected many things from him, but that question hadn’t even crossed her mind. Just the mere thought that he had considered it and all the insinuations the words held made her fume. “How dare you!” She boomed, her face becoming redder and redder in anger. “Maria …………” He started, not wanting to upset her. “How dare you even consider asking me that, let alone say it. Of course it’s your child! I am no slut Michael Guerin; I would never cheat on anyone, least of all you. I know what it’s like to be on the receiving end, and would never put anyone else though that pain. This child is yours, like it or not, you’re not gonna get out of it that easily!” She responded angrily. Watching her stand to defensively in the middle of the adequately sized kitchen, Michael instantly felt sorry for his words. He had said them in haste, but to him it was a natural thing to ask. In fairness he’d had a good friend who had been nearly caught by his then girlfriend, and the child hadn’t even been his. Yet he hadn’t meant to upset or anger Maria, just try and get it clear in his own head. The thought of being tied down to responsibility and a child wasn’t something he wanted or had even considered. He was 26 years old, still just one of the lads having a bit of fun until he felt ready to settle down. That point in his life hadn’t arrived yet, and, to Michael, having a child just didn’t appear on his agenda. “Hey, it’s ok, I’m sorry Maria. You’re right, I shouldn’t have asked that, I’m sorry.” He responded, finally finding the function to make his feet walk over to his girlfriend. Putting his arms gently around her stiff frame, he encouraged her to lean into his embrace so he could hug and soothe her. Gentle sobs filled the air as Maria clung on to Michael, the full impact of their ‘mess’ finally hitting her. It was the first time she’d said the word ‘pregnant’ since she’d known for sure, and although Michael now knew, she still wasn’t sure how to react. She loved him, Maria knew that, but having a child so soon after finding him, a child when she was so young, it was everything she had been determined not to do. The feel of the palm of his hand rubbing her back helped somewhat though. It made Maria remember she wasn’t in it alone; Michael was there with her. He now knew, and although he could have taken it better, he was still standing in her kitchen comforting and soothing her, which had to be a good sign, right? Slowly guiding her into the living room, Michael encouraged Maria to sit down, before doing the same. Wiping away the few tears left on her cheek, he lifted her chin so he could stare into her damp eyes. “I know this is a mess Maria, but it’s ok, we’ll be ok, we can get through this. I’ve got a friend and he’ll be able to set you up with an appointment to get this sorted. We’ll be ok after that, and can put this awful mess behind us, ok?” Michael told her, completely sincerely. Maria just sat there, looking at him, completely stunned once more by his response. Words flew rapidly around her mind, but a couple managed to stick. Words like ‘mess’, ‘appointment’, and most of all ‘sorted’ churned around inside her head. For a few moments she struggled to comprehend what he had just said, what ‘get this sorted’ actually meant. And when it hit her, the feeling of nausea slammed through her body hard. “Get it sorted?” She clarified. “Yeah, you know, make it go away.” He replied, as if it was just a thing that could be erased with ease. “Michael we are talking about a baby, our baby, it’s not some ‘thing’ that can just be removed.” She replied, still in shock somewhat. “Of course it can, you know, the doctors can just do their stuff and we can forget about it.” Michael informed her, completely ignoring what he was actually saying. Getting out of the mess, and not being tied down was Michael’s main priority. A thought for the child or perhaps even Maria hadn’t even crossed his mind. He was scared, although he wouldn’t admit it, the thought of having to grow up weighing heavily on his mind. “Do their stuff? You mean have a termination?” She clarified once more “Call it what you want, but in the end get rid of it so we can go back to how we were and be happy.” “My god …….. you’re serious aren’t you?” Maria laughed somewhat nervously. “Yeah, what’s wrong?” Michael responded. “What’s wrong? What’s wrong!” She roared. “Michael you are just telling me to kill our child, why on earth would anything be wrong!” She yelled. “But it’s not even a child yet Maria, it’s just a little …….. thing.” He defended. “Well it may not be a child to you Michael, but it is to me. I can’t believe you would even consider, let alone suggest, such a thing!” “Oh come on Maria, let’s be reasonable here. We hardly know each other, and what we have is just some fun. Ok so we’ve made a mistake, but it can be fixed, and our lives won’t be ruined.” “And what about the life of our child?” Maria responded pointedly. “Look Maria, I can’t give you anymore than this. There will never be a cosy two up two down house on the edge of the city with a white picket fence. No little juniors running around your apron strings and me bellowing ‘hi honey I’m home’. That’s fantasy, and this is reality. I am what you see, some fun and laughter until it ends. I’m not ready to be anything other than one of the lads. I need freedom, I need to remain without ties. I’m sorry, but that’s just the way it’s gotta be.” He replied, turning away from her for a moment so as to not see her hurt face. “Get out.” She said quietly but firmly. “What?” He queried slightly confused. “I said …….. GET OUT!” She yelled forcefully, tears streaming down her face. “Maria
………” As soon as the front door clicked shut, the tears she so valiantly tried to control streamed out. Burying her face in a nearby pillow, Maria allowed her pain to seep out, tears continuing to fall at a steady rate. At that moment her whole life was a mess, falling quickly around her ears. A week before everything had been perfect. Work was great, she and Amy were getting on really well, and Michael was just the cause of her very existence. He was her reason for living, making each day so much fun. Yet so quickly and somewhat violently her ‘perfect’ life had crashed down around her. Placing a protective hand over her still flat stomach, Maria couldn’t help but think about the little life growing inside her. The baby had been a complete mistake, she was the first to admit that, but she wasn’t like Michael. No matter what she did, Maria couldn’t get up and walk away from this mistake. She had to see it through to the very end, even though her instinct was to curl up into a ball and forget all about it. Yet, despite knowing how wrong and how the timing sucked, in her heart Maria knew she wouldn’t be able to get rid of the baby. It was part of her and Michael, part of the passionate love they’d shared. No matter how Michael rationed that the timing was wrong or they weren’t prepared, Maria knew she would keep the child. It was simple, she loved Michael and this baby was a big part of that love, she couldn’t just kill it. It was the same thing her mother had done when faced with the same situation at 21. Amy had kept Maria and brought her up alone, but never once regretted it. Maria’s only fear was telling her mother history had repeated itself. It had been the one thing Amy had drummed into Maria from an early age, not to fall into the same trap and end up a lone parent. Although Amy had no regrets, she dearly wanted something much better for her only daughter. Just at the thought, the tears she was trying to abate fell faster. It was a mess, and she was most certainly alone, Michael had made that completely clear. That night was a long, lonely one for Maria, her ‘talk’ with Michael spinning around her head, mixed with the words of warning from her mother. More than once she woke up, nightmares getting the better of her. Tears only stopped when she was in a dream state, but the pain of being alone continued without abating. Yet in her heart, Maria knew it was her choice to go it alone and not take the easy way out like Michael had suggested. She was a strong woman; she could handle it, with or without his help.
PART 20
The following morning, in the cold light of day, Maria felt even worse than the night before. Lack of sleep, raging morning sickness and Michael’s harsh words all making it extremely difficult for Maria to drag her body from the depths of her bed. Pulling a sicky would have been the easy way out, she knew it, but Maria also knew she couldn’t do that. She had to remain strong and that meant facing people and carrying on as if life hadn’t changed so dramatically. She was well aware the quicker she got over Michael the better off she and the baby would be. He was out of their lives and the sooner she accepted that the better. From the moment she stepped in to the office, it was clear to Liz that her friend and colleague wasn’t fairing particularly well. Although Maria had done an admirable job of covering her pale face with blush, Liz could tell it was purely a front for people who knew nothing of her condition. “How are you doing?” Liz queried as Maria brought in her messages. “I’ve been better I guess.” Maria replied, handing her boss the post-it notes. “Did you see Michael last night?” Liz asked, knowing it wasn’t really any of her business. It was down to Maria to choose to tell Michael, but Liz couldn’t help but believe it would be for the best if he knew.
“And?” “What do you mean? What did he say?” Liz asked, encouraging Maria to sit in the vacant seat opposite her desk. “Really Liz, I know you mean well but I really don’t think I have the strength to relive last night again.” Maria responded, blinking away tears in her eyes. “Did he walk out on you?” Liz asked softly, seeing Maria visibly flinch at the words. “Yeah.” Maria sobbed gently. “He’s gone.” “Oh Maria, I’m so sorry.” Liz replied scouting around her desk and putting her arms gently around her secretary to comfort her. “He said …….. he said I should get it …….. sorted.” She said through tears. “That
was out of order Maria, how could he be so heartless?” “I don’t believe that Maria, I’ve seen him and how happy he makes you. That sort of happiness must be right. Maybe you just need to give him time to get used to the idea.” Liz suggested. “It won’t do any good Liz, I’m alone and that’s just something I have to get used to.” Maria informed her, lifting her head and wiping away the tears in a determined fashion. “Besides, how about you? What about your happiness? When was the last time you saw Max?” She queried. “Max and I and completely different, and we aren’t going to have a baby Maria. I think you need to talk to Michael again.” Liz pushed. “What’s the point Liz? He made it perfectly clear last night that he doesn’t want to know me if I keep the baby. And I can’t kill it, no matter how unprepared I am.” Maria replied, before turning on her heal and heading straight out the door. Sighing at the closed door, Liz wondered what she could do. She felt desperately sorry for Maria, and the situation she was in. Liz’s mind involuntarily drifted back to her own circumstance when she’d been in Maria’s position. It was a very frightening position, and one in which you didn’t have total control over. Michael’s running away from the situation outraged Liz though. No matter how unprepared for fatherhood he was, deserting Maria in her hour of need was not the way to go. Picking up her pen and jotting down some notes, Liz allowed her mind to think about what she could do. She was sure there must be some way to help her friend and secretary, and make Michael see sense. “Damn!” A voice yelled outside Max’s office. “For god’s sake!” He added. Trying to see out of his open door from his seat, Max tried to gauge what was the problem. He recognised the voice, it was clearly Michael’s, and something was obviously up. Finally pushing back his chair, Max rose to his feet to investigate the route of Michael’s cursing. Stepping into the open plan office, Max was surprised to see papers thrown haphazardly across the normally pristine office floor. “You ok Michael?” He queried gently. “Do I look like I’m ok Max?” Michael grumbled. “No, I guess not, need some help?” Max offered, sinking to his knees and starting to gather up the papers. “Look I’ve got it ok Max, I don’t need to your help. I can fix some things on my own!” Michael snapped, snatching the gathered papers from his friend’s hand. “Ok, no problem ……… wanna talk about what’s bothering you?” Max asked simply, allowing his friend’s obvious bad mood roll over him with no affect. “What?
Why would anything be bothering me?” “Ok, if that’s the face of Michael with nothing on his mind, I’d like to see him with the weight of the world on his shoulders!” Max said to no one in particular before returning to his office. Max’s meeting with Liz that afternoon was more strained than normal. All the good progress they had made seemed to fly out the boardroom door as they sat down to business. From the moment he started though, Max knew he had a fight on his hands. Liz’s square shoulder stance, narrow eyes and thin lined lips indicating she was annoyed at something. He was just trying to put the finishing touches on their takeover plan, but Liz just wouldn’t budge on some items Max felt were very important. “No Max, I can see your point but I feel my view is a stronger, more productive one.” “But
Liz, I feel this is pivotal to the whole takeover plan, without it the takeover
won’t run as smoothly as I would like.” “You get the final say huh? So if I go and ask James he’ll back you up will he?” Max pushed firmly. “Just drop it Max!” Liz snapped. “What I say is final.” “Fine! But I want it put on the record that I offered you a different plan and you flatly turned it down.” Max said angrily pointing towards Liz’s pad where notes were jotted down. “Whatever Max.” Liz replied throwing her hands up in the air. The discussions continued, Liz seemingly picking a fight at every opportunity, always turning over Max’s suggestions in favour of her own. One by one, each thing she picked at continued to wear him down. Professionalism was normally Liz’s strong point, but he was certain something was bubbling away under the surface and it was clearly affecting her business judgement. “Ok Liz, we only have a few days before we put this plan in operation. Now I know things have been tough between us. I understand you want nothing to do with me and want to get this over with as quickly as possible, but, with all due respect, what the hell is up with you today?” He said clearly frustrated by her. “What’s that supposed to mean?” She queried. “Everything! Everything I say or do is wrong today, god can’t you just accept maybe I do know what I’m doing? Maybe I can be good for your company if you let me!” He snapped angrily. “No Max, you can’t be good for this company. Yes your plan for the takeover is rich and exciting, but you have brought only pain and misery with you since joining our company on this very temporary assignment.” Liz replied cryptically. “And just what exactly is that supposed to mean? Since when have I brought misery to your company? In my eyes you’re the only one who’s inflicted pain, on me I might add.” Max yelled. “Look just forget it!” Liz replied, knowing she’d said too much. Jumping to her feet, she headed towards the door. Standing also and reading the situation quickly, he took three paces and beat her to the door with ease. Pressed his back against it, he turned to face Liz, blocking her only exit to freedom. “No way Liz, you can’t say that and then run out on me once again. I deserve an explanation.” Max pressed, placing a hand firmly on her upper arm. “Let go of me Max.” Liz said, her eyes blazing with anger. She wasn’t angry at Max now, it was more herself. She hadn’t meant to let slip about Maria, and although she hadn’t said the words, she’d implied something was up. To Max’s astute brain, she was sure he’d put two and two together before long. Keeping her secretary’s confidence was important to Liz, but something told her Max wasn’t about to let her out of the room until she spilled her obvious knowledge to him. He was so close to her though; his face was almost touching hers, his hand branding her arm and his eyes piercing hers. A few centimetres closer and she would be able to capture those lips once more; feel the passion thrum through her body. Jus the thought of his feather light touch dancing over her naked skin, or his fingers running tantalisingly through her hair made her body react. It took every ounce of self-control she possessed not to throw her arms around his neck and pull him close to her body in a lip-crushing kiss of passion. Her mind was running a mock right at the moment she needed to be on her toes and at her very best. “Not until you explain.” Max insisted, breaking Liz from her self-induced daydream. “Let go of me!” She responded again, finally finding her voice and much needed strength. Slowly, reluctantly, he released his grip; safe in the knowledge that while he blocked the door she was going nowhere. Despite her obvious reluctance, he was determined to find out what secrets she was hiding from him. If he was meant to be the route of the Amber Inn’s problems he damm well deserved to know what he’d done wrong. “Just tell me Liz! I’ve brought pain and misery to this company have I? Is this just another swipe at me for caring about you Liz? As far as I can see, the only person who has caused pain is you! All I’ve done is be nice to you, care for you, love you, and all you’ve done is throw it straight back into my face. What sort of gratitude is that? Or maybe that’s how you treat all possible love interests? I know you’ve had a rough deal in live Liz, but you’ll end up old and alone if you don’t let someone in soon.” Max replied, matching her icy stare and holding it firmly. “I said you brought pain and misery, I didn’t say you caused it!” She snapped firmly, her eyes blazing as she looked into his. “What? How did I bring it?” Max asked, getting more and more confused. “Just forget it ………..” She brushed off. “No Liz! Just tell me for god sake!” He shouted, making her flinch. She’d never seen him so riled up or angry before. His eyes were big and wide, his face becoming redder and redder, Liz wondered for a fleeting moment if he might just explode. Yet no matter what he said or did, Liz knew she couldn’t give away Maria’s secret, it wasn’t her secret to tell. “I can’t tell you Max, it’s not my place to tell you.” “Liz you can’t accuse me of something and then not tell me what you mean, I deserve to know.” “No
Max, you don’t. Because it
doesn’t concern you.” “Look, just talk to Michael ok, he can tell you what I mean. Just let me go Max.” Liz said firmly, needing and wanting to get away from his penetrating gaze. Finally relinquishing his place in front of the door, Max stepped to one side and allowed Liz Parker to exit the room and out of his life once more. It took all the strength he possessed not to drag her back in and kiss her senseless, throw her on to the boardroom table and take her right there and then. Despite all that she had done to him, how she’d captured his heart and then crushed it so easily, he still felt the same way towards her. The flames of passion not doused at all by the aching pain he still felt every day. Each night when he closed his eyes he met her in his dreams. Working with Liz was becoming increasingly more difficult. Each time he saw her he though about her sparkling eyes, bright smile and passion for work that made him admire her so much. No matter what he did, he couldn’t make his heart fall out of love with Liz Parker. Taking a deep breath, Max gathered up his belongings and exited the large building of the Amber Inn Group. The fresh air and hot sun of Los Angeles bathed him gratefully, but doing little to calm his racing heart and raging hormones. Finally finding the sanctuary of her office, Liz fell invitingly into her large leather chair. The meeting had been very unproductive, and nothing short of a disaster. She hadn’t meant to question Max’s every suggestion; she just hadn’t been able to help herself. Yet the mess at the end had been even worse. Maria had confided in her, Liz had been sworn to secrecy, but she had practically blown it big time! In one simple sentence she’d almost told Max all, but it wasn’t her place to say anything. She’d managed to cover her tracks somewhat, but something told Liz this mess wasn’t over. She was sure Max would interrogate Michael and then Maria would find out and Liz would be in big trouble! Thinking back to Max, Liz couldn’t help but allow herself to dream for a moment about what it would be like to have Max back in her personal life. She wondered what it would be like to have him there for her when she returned from work, available to soothe away knots of stress and frustration. What it would be like to cook a proper meal, instead of the normal microwave dinners for one she normally ate. What it would be like to once again share her heart, her bed ………. and her body. Yet in her mind, Liz knew it was a hopeless child’s pipe dream, for she would never have such a lifestyle. For Liz knew giving up her heart again and the premise she could get hurt was something she wasn’t ready to do yet, and possibly never would be.
TBC .......................?
A new part will be posted very soon! Author: Kazza – 2nd December 2001
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