22
Ways Simon Screwed Up This Week
1) He was cleaning the computers--with hot soapy water--causing sections
budget to go WAY up. (And him getting a special lesson on cleaning
computers lead by Frick and Frack)
2) He managed to execute one of Birkoff's virus's in Section's mainframe,
luckily our man Birkoff cleared it out before any real damage was done.
3) He decided to use the KL-transforms on his laptop, thinking that he
could surf the web unnoticed, without thinking people would actually be looking
for section signals. After re-destroying Red Cell, he earned another trip
to Frick and Frack.
4) He went on a health kick and tried to start a Section-wide no caffeine
and sweets policy. After everyone in section had a chance to take out their
withdrawal symptoms on him, he got an all expense pain (no, I meant
paid...really) trip to Frick and Frack.
5) After using the excessive amounts of Aqua-Net needed to keep his hair
looking the way it does, he tried to light a candle, creating a big fireball.
After his fifth trip to Frick and Frack in as many hours, they're considering
naming a torture room after Simon.
6) He knocked a can of pop into Birky's Oreos. Enough said.
7) Taped over the section copy of 'Men in Black', almost resulting in a
riot. After being sent out to get another, he made another visit to Frick and
Frack.
8) He was chatting online and spilled the beans about section to some
people in a chat room. Explaining how they kill all the bad guys, he has a
really mean boss, a guy who blows up things, a woman who is like a mother but
just cant seem to ever stop messing with your head, and then went on to tell
them that on top of it all everyone always seems to blame their problems on him
when he claims none of it was his fault. He finally ended his little
discussion saying that he had to go REALLY quick cause supposedly someone named
Frick and Frack were looking for him.
9) While messing around with Birkoff's computers Simon hit a wrong key
and set off the section security alarm. Trapping everyone inside of
section until Birkoff could find out what the heck he had done and fixed it.
During all of the commotion Simon slipped away and hid in one of the operatives
rooms. Frick and Frack were immediately sent to find him.
10) He spilled soda and smashed a peanut butter sandwich on the
keyboards.
11) Simon told Madeline her stockings didn't match.
12) He told Operations his hair was going gray.
13) He told Nikita she was fine as hell and slapped her ass... that
resorted in a visit with Madeline and a trip to F&F's place.
14) He fell asleep at the computer and drooled on the keyboard.
15) Told Birkoff there was no such thing as a Santa, the B replied "Ya
sure just like there's no such thing as a section." and walked off
laughing.
16) He told Walter to get a hair cut, and a get real job. Get it together
like his Big Bro Bob.
17) Walking down the hall he tripped and spilt coffee on Madeline, who
happened to be wearing her best suit. (She had an important meeting w/ George).
She dragged him by the ear to F&F who groaned and decided to use him as a
guinea pig for their latest invention.
18) He ATE Birkoff's candy/Oreo stash.
'Nuff said.
19) He interfered with the BB's video surveillance camera, after Sage,
Gap, Hedda, Raine and Ann beat the h--l out of him, he was sent to Operations.
20) He ran out of hairspray and borrowed Madeline's.............
21) As part of his punishment for the above, he was told to clean Ops
office. Including scrubbing the floor w/ a toothbrush. Being the idiot he is he
broke Operations chair and put it back together to look like it was fine. Ops
sat down in it and fell to the floor. Cancellation? Not quite.........yet
another trip to F&F.
22) And after the above punishment for the punishment by Operations
noticed a foul taste from his tooth brush . . .
This was written by BB Operatives: Amazon, Michy, Gap, Raine, Sage, and
Calista.
