Welcome to the Secret Vault                  

The Secret Vault was created to archive odd posts, you never know what will show up on this page. It could contain anything from Question of the Week posts to Re-written Jingles. So enjoy! If you would like to send in your own work my email link is at the bottom of the page.

Silliness to the Extreme

Note from Author: Hello fellow Section Two operatives. I was watching the Flintstones yesterday and decided to write a section tune to the Flintstones music:

Section... meet the Section

They're a bunch of secret meanies

From 500... hundred feet under

They'll come up and shoot....you and me.

When you meet the Section

They might...cut off a finger or a toe

If you...don't tell them what you know

Run like Hell for your protection

Written by Shirly

 

Answer to Question of the Week #2

Question: If a person could leave only one mark on society or the world in general, what would that mark be from each individual Section One Member?

Here is my own twisted contribution to this topic...

WARNING these are a little twisted...due to my bent mood tonight...(I just saw the season ender of Highlander. and I'm not a Happy Camper) so you might want to delete now.....but if you like twisted stories read on...

BIRKOFF starts a computer cult that successfully take over the worlds computer databases. And demands to be made King of the Whole World. World leaders give in and make him King. But during the Coronation Party he Overdoses on Oreo's and Coffee and in the sugar haze he writes a program that wipes out all the worlds information.. He was last seen hitch-hiking in Canada, clutching a paper crown mumbling, "a Cookie, a Cookie, my kingdom for a Cookie."

WALTER in frustration over Never being able to attend Woodstock, takes all his little toys to the Next lollapalooza. Where he holds the Band members of Alice in chains Hostage. And make then cover the song 'Blowing in the wind', 500 times. Walter realizing that he could never turn back the clock, Covers his escape by blowing up the stage. He was last seen washing cars in a West Hollywood car wash. planting little yellow golf balls in the gas tanks....

OPERATIONS opens a Craft supplies store, where he invents the worlds greatest knitting machine.. Only to have the proto type stolen by the home shopping network, where the make billions of it.. Upset at the loss he goes back to government and runs for president.. and wins. Two days after moving into the white house, he burns it down, by throwing a Cigar butt into a trash can in the oval office...

MADELINE starts selling Make-up on QVC, She starts giving seminars for women on how to 'manipulate your man'. Where she Makes millions. Only to have her husband Petrosian clean out her bank accounts and run off with her personal aid. She gets her revenge by writing a book about her life titled "JUST SMILE: when you are have him canceled." It win a Pulitzer.

 

MICHAEL starts a construction company, he is Hired by Ops to rebuild the White House. He Finishes the project in record time but his foreman makes a mistake and Paints the House Purple, Operations has Michael deported to Canada, when he got of the plane he is kidnapped by a bunch of women calling them selves Royettes, it is believed that he is on a farm, somewhere in France...

NIKITA becomes a Nun, and in her spare time lectures about humanity and innocence at high schools. Realizing that she loves Michael and can't live with out him. She turns down the chance to be the first female Pope, and runs off to France to look for him... Soon after she is made the leader of the Royettes... She hires Walter to make sure no one can break into the Royette compound and that Michael can't get out.. she lives happily ever after..

Well there it is Flame away....I can take it...I don't even need a asbestos suit for this one..... If I can Brake my leg Sky diving (I did that this morning. May 21.) I think I can handle some cyber-flames!! Some one pass the s'mores.. and the aspirin.

By Layne Keeper of Madeline

Section One Joke

OK, I'll play. I'm supposed to be working! It takes 6 people from Section 1 to change a light bulb.

1)  Operations to show that cool video screen  of the problem light bulb.2) Madeline to look serious and then go pick out a cute outfit for Nikita.

2) Madeline to look serious and then go pick out a cute outfit for Nikita.

3) Birky to find a 3-D floor plan on his computer of the building where the light bulb burned out.

4) Walter to invent and give Nikita a 'special' light bulb that'll never burn out (with flirtatious comments).

5) Michael to scope out the building and eliminate all bad guys and then stand guard, while...

6) Nikita in a cute light bulb repair-person's outfit changes the light bulb and then tearfully asks," WHY?"

Thank you, thank you *bows to much applause*

Written by Morwenna

 

Mental Playing Episode

Well, it's a delicate process of converting every single ROYbyte to my softdrive(brain). From there, my adorable little gray cells play certain parts over and over and over. Finally, the entire brain begins to operate on LFN mode. For example, you may overhear an argument at work and someone angrily asks, "Why?" and you immediately think, "Glass Curtain killed Simone."   (Hey, don't laugh, it happened to me, and it can happen to you too. ;) )

Finally, due to listening to Roy say "Josephine..." 14,000 times right in a row, you reach a point where at least one hemisphere of your softdrive is constantly playing a LFN episode. Let's see.... I watched Escape and Love today, and I haven't even touched my VCR. :0  

Hey, you asked me how it happened, and I told you. ;) (See what I mean)

Written by Juliette

Just a short list of things you never want to hear at Section One...

(admittedly inspired by a similar post recently)

	You pick up the red phone and hear, "You have a collect call from....."
	You are wheeled into sickbay after a bad mission. Ops stares at the doctor and states, "Row 6, Plot 32"
	Birkoff: "Quick, where's the escape key?"
	"Lag, Lag, Lag."
	"Ok, go to the red flashing terminal....what do you mean, you're colorblind?"
	Madeline: "Oops, that was my heart medicine, and not aspirin I just gave you."
	Ops: "Looks like it's time to clear out some driftwood."
	"We need to restock the wine  cellar downstairs before your  next mission."
	Walter: "This reminds me of when I was following the Dead. Whoops, Acid Flashback!"
	"Did I mention I designed the Pinto?"
	"Now the homing device on this shoe should work with the heel implant. But do be careful, the warranty runs out tomorrow."
	Michael: "What, I forgot to tell you about my second wife?" (webmaster note: this was funny until we found out he did)
	Nikita: "Good Morning sunshine, Good Morning, Happiness!"
	And, um, you never want to open that package on Michael's desk. Even though he thanked the guy....

Hope it was an entertaining diversion!

Written by Robby aka Jericho

Hey, everyone!  This is more Section Silliness!

Q: How many Section One operatives does it take to change a light bulb?

A: That information is highly classified.

Q: How many Section One operatives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Once Walter gets Spell Check, they all can screw wherever they want.

Q: How many Section One operatives does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Leave it alone, Nikita.

Written by Del

Section extends it's humblest apologies........  Thought everyone knew these numbers, but for your convenience, they have  been repeated here:

For Madeline just call 1-900-psychotic

For Nikita just a call 1-900-babes-r-us

For Michael just call 1-900-mib-for-u

For Ops just call 1-900-pain-in-butt

For Birkoff just call 1-900-geeks-r-us

For Walter just call 1-900-ammo-4-u

Charges are $2.95 for the first minute and $10 for each additional minute (average call time - 10 minutes)

Please see our ad under Extermination Specialists and Anti-Terrorist  Agencies. Mention our ad and receive a 10% discount on all services  rendered this month..... 

Gee I thought everyone knew about this. Hmmm guess I need to talk to the  Section guys in charge of advertising cause they're obviously slackin' off AGAIN!

LFN Condition

Ladies and gentleman, I am here today to speak about a condition that has recently become an epidemic. This condition is called La Femme Nikita (LFN) Condition.  This strikes all persons regardless of sex, age, height, or caffeine/chocolate intake.  One alert LFN Fan (Shirl) was kind enough to list some of the symptoms she was experiencing. They are as follows...

SYMPTOMS:

1. Screaming at the Television at interruptions to highly "charged" scenes. (Tel  et. all).

2. Talking to the characters as the show plays. 

3. Calling every male... Michael.. (this one can really upset your hubby)

4. Telling everyone around you to "Focus"  or  "Leave it Alone.." or threatening to "Cancel" if  they don't straighten up.. (Isabo...Mystra...Syd.)

5.  Changing your walk to a certain "Stride"...that we all know and love..

6.  The worst symptom is... (and I KNOW some of you have this) Kissing the TV screen when "certain" characters are  displayed. The hygiene issue crops up here, plus the possibility of electrocution..

Be SAFE!

Some of the other symptoms I have seen are as follows....

7. Buying paraphernalia (CD's, sunglasses, clothes, hats) that has been seen on the show.

8. Spending up to 23 hours in one day 'surfing the net' hoping to find something LFN related.

9. Traveling to Montreal or Toronto just for the fact that a certain cast member lives there.

10. Using the abbreviation PDA when referring to your day planner!

11. LFNing your computer.

12. Sudden cravings for oreos.

13. Carrying a picture of any cast member in your wallet to show it around.

15. Getting your nails painted the exact color of Roy's T-shirt in Love.

14. Construct your conversations so you can mention LFN at least once for possible new recruits.

The list goes on...

At the present these symptoms are relatively harmless to your system. Currently research is being done to uncover more symptoms and determine the risk factors, if any, that may precipitate this condition. There is NO cure for this condition.

Some things that may relieve the symptoms are as follows:

1. Watching taped episodes of LFN.

2. Chocolate from Dr. Jane

3. Pulling up the pictures of the cast member of your choice from their web pages and gaze longingly at it for hours.

4. Sneaker chat, IRC, mailing list postings

5. Writing a fan fiction.

6. Listening to your acquired LFN CD collection.

I will keep you updated on any new research that surfaces on LFN Condition.  I now direct you to my esteemed colleagues Kami and Dr. Jane

Written By Jo

  All donations should be sent to the Sick Bay construction fund!