Pain Is a Warning That Something's Wrong
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Car~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"John what's wrong?"
"Nothing"
"You really need to work on your lying skills"
"Sorry I've just been thinking about today, that's all"
"Lucy?"
"Uh, no "
"I'll say it again, work on you lying skills"
"Ok, yes"
"John why do you think about her?" Roxanne hated Lucy. She didn't know what she had done to Lucy to make her so hostile but she was. Then again, Roxanne didn't know that in most peoples eyes she was a snob. A little rich girl who just happened to think that snotty was in these days for an attitude. She treated John like a possession. Another well shined trophy. Though this one didn't shine as brightly as some of her other boyfriends, she liked him. No, she loved him. He didn't love her though. He had said he did but she knew he was lying. But, she was determined to change it.
"I don't know, its not that I think about HER, its just I think about why she's so hostile every time I try and talk to her"
"You mean when I'm around"
"No where would you get that idea? Lucy is always hostile to me"
"She is not"
"How would you know?"
"John as much as I hate it I talk to Jerry and the nurses or someone like that" He shot her a look. Those 'someone's were his friends he hated it when she treated them like she was higher in the food chain than them or some status like that. She shot one back in return. "They all say the same thing. You guys are friendly when I'm not around" she admitted to that. Though she couldn't tell why they were always so upfront about telling it to her.
"I don't know"
"I do"
"Really what then?"
"She's playing the jealous ex John"
"Get over it Roxanne, you always bring up the fact that we had a relationship its nothing big"
"Well it is to her"
"So?"
"So she hates me because I won the prize and she didn't that's all she's doing"
"So I'm a prize now?"
"NO! not like that, I mean its just the best girl won type of thing" She considered him a piece of meat between two dogs. Lucy and Roxanne fighting over him. 'HA!' he said to himself. Though the thought that it was possible was a little amusing to him.
"I don't like being thought of as a prize Roxanne." he stated.
"I see, well this is my house, wanna come in for some coffee or something?" he knew what she meant. She was always 'in the mood' and that really bothered him. He didn't like having the whole relationship be revolved around sex.
"Na, I have an early shift tomorrow"
"What time?"
"11:30"
"That isn't early John, you can sleep in"
"Roxanne I just got off from a 38 hour shift I need all the sleep I can get, so if you don't mind I'm going home" he was bitter right now and she wasn't even going to consider that he had been up for so long, he had no right to talk to her that way. Or so it was in her mind.
"John sometimes you can be such an ass!" she slammed his car door and walked briskly to her apartment. Why had he told her that he loved her? 'Dammit man you can be so stupid sometimes' he yelled at himself. He drove off to his apartment, a 2 mile drive so that would be easy so he could get some sleep.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Carter's apartment~~~~~~~~~~~~
Carter walked into his apartment and shut the door quietly. It was a little late and he didn't want to wake up his neighbors. He saw the blinking light on the answering machine and pressed it.
'You have 3 new messages' The machine stated, that was odd he barely had more than 1 message if any at all. He could guarentee that at least one of them was from someone in his family.
'first message sent today at..... 10:37 pm'
`John its me gamma, I need to talk to you about a benefit event this weekend. It's formal but I think you should be able to find something to wear. Why aren't you home now? If you're at that hospital I think you need some time off. Get some sleep and a vacation! Good night.` 'oh great another one' he thought to himself.
'end of first message'
'second message sent today at 11:49 pm'
'John its Ga-' carter cut off the voice. He knew what it was about so he just skipped to the next one.
'third message sent today at 11:50 pm' he was getting ready to push the erase button until he heard the voice.
'Hey carter its me Lucy, um look I'm sorry I was so hostile today, I just haven't been having a good couple of weeks that's all. Um, I'll see you tomorrow bye' He dialed her number hoping he wouldn't wake her up. 1 ring...........2 ring.................3 ring..........machine. 'Hey guys this is Lucy's apartment! she cant talk now so maybe shes out with one of the guys we try to set her up with! you should know what to do at the bee-' "Hello?" Lucy answered the phone sounding tired. He had woken her up.
"Uh......Lucy?"
"Yea Carter?"
"Did I wake you?"
"John its 1:30 in the morning what do you think?"
"Oh, sorry um I can talk to you later it can wait"
"I don't think so , you woke me up this late so it had to be important just talk"
"Ok," he laughed she laughed too. "Um, I got your message"
"Yea well I meant it"
"It's ok, she can be a bitch sometimes."
"G0d I hope you didn't talk about me that way when we were together" she joked.
"No, no , no its just that-"
"Carter its ok I was joking"
"Oh" he still never caught on to her sense of humor either he was very uptight or she had the crappiest sense of humor in the world. he was probably just too uptight.
"Look um I'm sorry that I'm such a bitch to Roxanne. She just has this way of getting to me that's all"
"It's ok really, I know what you mean" He did. She had this thing that could just get under your skin at the first try. Whereas with Lucy it was different. She could definately get under his skin, but it took much more than a look. It took effort on her part.
"Oh, well then if you don't mind I have a question"
"Shoot"
"Why do you put up with her then?"
"Lucy,"
"sorry I shouldn't have asked. Look I have to go its really late and I have an early shift tomorrow."
"11:30?"
"Yea see you then John"
"G'night Luce"
He hung up the phone not wanting to have done so. He would have much rather talked to her. She was easy to talk to. That's all. 'no particular reason other than that' he told himself. And for a minute he believed himself. But that wore off quickly. He laid in his bed that night thinking about everything. Roxanne, Lucy, the ER, Lucy, his family, Lucy....... He saw a pattern coming. But he didn't like it. He hated that he was thinking about her but he liked the things he was thinking. Exam 6 was something he'd never forget..... Then there were always those times when she would save a patient and be able to celebrate with him. He loved seeing her happy about being a successful doctor each day. Her smile, when he had lost a patient and she could always manage to say, 'you fought the good fight, John' he would always miss that. Roxanne could never understand the ER or how things were when he would lose a patient. She expected him to shrug it off by dinner time. !
Treat 'em and street 'em was her motto with him. Though it was the motto of the ER she took it to heart. She thought that Carter wouldn't take a second look at any patient. That he walked in there not knowing anything about them and walked out the same. That they were lifeless objects and there was no difference if they died or lived. Only Lucy could know.
**************************************
Lucy hung up the phone a little unwilling but also very exhausted. It had been a long day and she could finally get sleep knowing that Carter accepted her apology. She really wanted an answer to her question. 'Why does he stay with her if all he does is complain about her?' That would be a great question to himself if he'd ever bother. She laid in bed with her TV on . She looked at the clock, it was now 2:00 and she hadn't slept. She had been home for nearly 5 hours and she hadn't shut her eyes! 'I'll never make it through tomorrow at this rate' she told herself as she shut off the TV and laid back comfortably adjusting this way and that yet she still found herself thinking of several stresses in her mind. ER, Carter (wait that's not right I'm over him!), Dave, Carter (huh?), etc. Her life was extremely stressful yet she found that the only thing that stressed her right then was Carter. 'Why is he so god damned cute?' she asked herself. He was better looking tha!
t Dave but Dave was, well he wasn't more sensitive than Carter but he was definately easier to joke with. She knew Carter had no sense of humor. But opposites attract. She could make people laugh if they were on the table about to die, yet he couldn't crack a joke if Chris Rock wrote it out for him. 'Lucy stop thinking of him!' was all she could do. 'Think of Dave' she tried but what was there to think about? He was definately funny but totally transparent (NO OFFENSE ERIK PALLADINO!) when it came to the relationship. He was still adjusting to having one girl for more than a week. Frankly it wasn't working out for either of them. She didn't hate being around him but she felt that the relationship would get nowhere. She knew that the minute they started dating. That the relationship would be empty. If anything based on sex. He knew that too. There was just no one else to be with at the time. They figured 'what the hell' and just made a spur of the moment deci!
sion. She couldn't stop thinking though how she could be much more compaddable with Carter than Roxanne could. She too only based relationships on sex much like Dave. They would make a great couple. She fell asleep thinking of her times with Carter............Exam 6....................Roof top moments.................saving patients together.............mourning lost patients together..................taking risks in an exam room or a suture room and not getting caught (Most of the time anyway), things like that she missed it. She missed it when he could smile at her and she'd go weak in her knees. 'you snooze you lose' she told herself. Roxanne had taken her away when she could have regained him. She should have tried again when she had the chance. She fell asleep upset at what her life had become.
***********************************
BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!
Carter slammed his alarm clock off. It was set to go off at 8:30 since he had forgotten to set it for 10:45 from the night before. He sat up and set the clock but couldn't fall asleep again. He got up instead, showered, dressed and went down to Doc magoo's to see who would be there on break.
~~~~~~~~~~~~Doc magoo's~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The only person was Lucy. Lucy and...............ROXANNE? at a table together? Had he missed something? Yesterday they were at eachothers throats and now they were sitting at a table together. Though Lucy hadn't appeared to be enjoying it she didn't leave. Neither did Roxanne. How was he supposed to do this? Who did he want to see more? Lucy definately but Roxanne was his girlfriend. He was supposed to pick her over Lucy in a situation like this no questions asked. And any other time he would've but now it was a choice between morals and a gut feeling. Instead of following either Dave stepped in and saved the day.
"Hey Carter what're you doing here so early?" Dave said patting Carter on the back jerking him forward a little.
"Uh, nothing just coming in" he pointed to Roxanne and Lucy.
"Oh well I figured I'd surprise Lucy coming back early"
"Cool, go ahead you first"
"Thanks" Dave went ahead. Lucy got up at the site of her boyfriend home early. She knew he had come home to see her. Carter took his cue and stepped in to see Roxanne.
"Hey, your shift doesn't start for a while" she said. She didn't even bother to sound happy that he was there.
"Yea well I couldn't sleep after a while"
"Oh, well lets get some breakfast"
"Sure why not"
~~~~~~~~~~~~CCGH~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Hey Lucy how's it goin' out there?"
Carter asked when he walked into the lounge and found Lucy on the couch. He couldn't see her but he heard her crying a little. "Hey what's wrong?" He sat down opposite her.
"Oh nothing" she didn't really feel like talking about it
"Come on you can tell me"
"No really I don't want to talk about it"
"Ok, if you need to though I'll be around" he got up '3.........2.......1....' he had good timing
"Dave broke up with me" he hadn't expected to hear that.
"Oh, I'm sorry"
"Yea well it wasn't going to last another week"
"I give me and Roxanne another month tops before she decides to move on to a guy with more money than me"
"Ha" she laughed slightly it took away the tears. She was not expecting to cry over him. She hoped she wouldn't but when she did she didn't know how to s top it.
"So, why are you so upset if you knew it wouldn't last?" He was curious
"I just thought that I'd be the one to break up with him"
"Nice excuse"
"Thanks, it's the best one I could think of in the 3 seconds you gave me"
"Ouch" he put his hand on his chest jokingly. Just then he saw the smile he missed so much and he went on an impulse. "I have to go make a call" he knew what he had to do.
"Ok see you later"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Payphone in chairs~~~~~~~~~~~
"John what do you mean?"
"I mean I don't think things are going right that's all maybe we're better off as friends"
"Its that bitch Lucy she tells you all these things and you automatically assume she's right"
"No its not tha-"
"You are a really bad liar. I don't want to be friends with you!"
"I'm sorry Roxanne but I just don't like how things are going"
"Fine, tell that bitch I say hi when you 2 are in bed together" and with that she hung up. He slammed the phone down and realized that everyone in chairs was looking at him. It was as if every patient had disreguarded their ailments just to look at him. The pukers stopped puking and the coughers stopped coughing. He walked out a little flushed from all the staring. The staff didn't have a clue about what was going on. He walked back into the lounge Lucy was still there but not crying. She was talking to Abby about her breakup he guessed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~lounge~~~~~~~~~~
"So he just said you know 'oh its not you its me' and that was it"
"Ouch I'm sorry Lucy but don't worry you'll find someone better. Who knows," she looked at Carter while she said this "He maybe right in front of you" and with that Lucy noticed she was staring at something and turned her attention to Carter. Abby got up and left.
"Imagine that you and me together again" she laughed
"Yea, just imagine" he didn't laugh at it though. He had just broken up with Roxanne to be with her and she was joking about it.
"Something wrong Carter?"
"No do me a favor meet me on the roof in 10 minutes?"
"Sure" she looked puzzled.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Roof~~~~~~~~~~~
Lucy walked onto the roof in her lab coat, she didn't think it would be this cold. She wrapped the coat closed as tightly as she could around her waist. She shivered from the bitter breeze that attacked her skin. Just then she felt a coat fall onto her shoulders. She looked back to see Carter placing his winter coat over her.
"You wear it" she protested
"Forget you'll freeze in just a lab coat. It's fine really I'm used to the cold"
"Thanks" she accepted the coat. "So why exactly are we up here?" They hadn't gone up there together since they were dating. This was where they went to talk. Or to do other things...... They both missed talking and 'other things' that they did up here.
"Um, I wanted to talk about us"
"What 'us'?"
"The 'us' we had a few weeks ago"
"What about it?"
"I miss it"
"me too"
"Really?" he looked surprised.
"Yea, but we both found different people so......" her voice trailed off. She didn't know how to finish her sentence.
"Well you hadn't found Dave to be Mr. 'right' so I thought maybe I was"
"Roxanne thinks your HER Mr. 'right' doesn't she?"
"Uh, I sorta made a breakup phone call to her this morning" he said this while scratching the back of his head. Trying not to make eye contact with her was difficult.
"John, why?!"
"I don't know it just wasn't working out she hated all my friends it was an empty relationship that's all"
"Oh, that's kind of what my relationship was like with Dave. Don't get me wrong my friends were his friends but, it was empty"
"I don't even remember why I started dating Roxanne"
"You were jealous that I found someone"
"LUCY, that's stupid!"
"Face it John you couldn't stand it that I had moved on so quickly so you just screwed the first blond you met" that was true but he wouldn't admit that
"Think what you want its not true" he was sarcastically joking. She laughed
"Sure John" they found themselves close at each others sides. they both looked over the city. It was beautiful in some parts like the beaches, the museums, places like that. Buckingham, fountain was Lucy's favorite site. He had taken her there for her birthday last year. They had dinner and there was a band playing there that John loved. It was a perfect night. Lucy hated jazz , she was a pop music type person. She liked the Britney Spears music or things like that.
"Lucy,"
"yea?"
"why did we breakup?"
"I don't really remember"
"Me neither"
"But, John we broke up because we thought it was best" she turned to look at him while he stared at her. " It was probably just better for our careers then"
"Yea I guess"
"What does that mean?"
"Lucy, it means that you're just making an excuse"
"For what?"
"For us breaking up,"
"why are you questioning this?" she was getting annoyed of hearing about this
"Because I want to try again"
"WHY?"
"Because I think we made a mistake"
"Forget it John I don't want to try again." She handed him his coat and turned to leave
"Why?" that question froze her at the door. she turned angrily to answer
"Because it hurt too much last time" she turned back not wanting to hear his answer with that. He was left in thought. What did she mean by that? 'she broke up with me last time. How could it have hurt her? why would she do it if it hurt too much?' he decided then and there he didn't understand women at all! He decided to take his mind off the most confusing subject in the world and move down to the ER which compared to Lucy was easy to figure out. Just in time. He got a page that he had to answer an emergency multi-victim trauma.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ER~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Oh good you're hear John listen we need you, Lucy, Mallucci, and Benton in trauma 2 Kerry, me and Chen in trauma 1 ok?" Mark shouted when he came down the hall running to the trauma rooms with Carter running with him.
"Got it" Now this was much better something else to concentrate on.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Trauma 2~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Lily I need a Chem 5 cross match and 3 units of O-negative please hurry!" Lucy yelled while trying to control the bleeding at the same time. She was always polite during traumas. She was respected by the nurses a lot more for it even though they didn't resent being yelled out orders without the manners. "Got it" she handed Carter the blood as he hooked up the IV and managed compressions at the same time.
"We need to inttubate him now Carter!" Benton yelled
"Ok, I got it" he began to run the tube down the mans throat. "I'm in"
"BP is 140/60" Haleh called
"OK lets get him 3 of atropine and 5 haldol" called carter
"Lily, I also need 7 of hemaphine" Lucy added.
"Ok, guys he's stable" Dr. Benton stated. "I'll take him up to surgery he needs a splenectomy"
"Good save guys"
"Yea you guys make a good team" each nurse or doctor had something to say about how good Carter and Lucy worked together except for them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Cafeteria~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Hey Lucy! how's it goin'?"
"Oh fine how bout you Deb?"
"Same my shift just ended you?"
"Yea me too"
"What's this I hear about you and John trying to date again?" she looked curious as she sat down opposite her friend. Lucy and Deb had become great friends since the incident in February. Then again, everyone had become a great friend of Lucy's since then. They didn't sympathize her they were just there for her if she needed them.
"Uch, the nurses don't waste much time on their jobs now, they just worry about my love life huh?"
"Yea," they laughed
"No, we're not going out now. That was a long time ago."
"I think he wants to try"
"Yea he does but it hurt too much last time when we split"
"Lucy, its supposed to hurt"
"So why go at it again?"
"My grandmother would never let me forget this saying when I would tell her about a love interest I would have"
"Yea? what's that?"
"well she heard it from madonna but that doesn't matter" she smiled "She would say: 'pain is a warning that something's wrong' from the power of love or something like that"
"I've heard of that song. What does it mean though I mean if it's supposed to hurt why would you say that?"
"Because, Lucy, it means that when you and John split if you didn't feel better about it or freer not seeing him anymore then you may not have done the right thing" she realized that this was her cue to leave. "I'll see you later. Think about it" she got up and went home. 'yea maybe I did do something wrong' she wondered.............
