Title: Cueball's Blue Balls
Summary: From a plot bunny of someone whose name I've forgotten, thrown my way by young Vic. Very silly.
Rated: PG for mild naughtiness.
Disclaimer: Not mine, but if they were, I know who I'd go for.
Thanks to: Vic, for the idea and title, plus Pete, M-Rae, Dot, and Jennifuh.
"You know why I've called you all here," Xavier said gravely. "We've reached a crisis point."
He gazed at the people assembled in his study, looking at each in turn. Jubilee repressed a giggle and nearly fell off the lounge near the door. Remy gave her an impatient look and sat on the armrest. He ran his fingers through her hair, smoothing it back into place.
Jean and Scott sat in the chairs in front of his desk. Scott wore black jeans and a blue shirt, though somehow he managed to make it look like a uniform. Jean wore black pants and a green blouse which clung tightly to her br. . . Xavier wrenched his eyes away. Jean's eyebrows shot towards her hairline.
Kitty and Bobby perched on the windowsill, holding hands. Rogue sat next to Scott, with Logan leaning on the back of her chair. Arms folded, Storm stood by the door, with Kurt and Hank flanking her.
"Are you – sure?" Scott said, wrinkling his nose. "Is it really that bad?" When Xavier nodded, Scott stood and took in a deep breath. He stuck his chest out heroically. "Then, as leader of the team, I volunteer."
"Oh, thank you *so* much for the compliment!" Xavier said caustically. Scott sat again, somewhat deflated. Jean patted his hand. "Now," Xavier continued, "we have a delicate situation on- on-"
"On our hands?" Logan contributed, stifling a snicker. "Things have come to a head?"
"Yes, you could say that," Xavier snapped. "I haven't had sex in three months, since Charlotte left, and it's not fair!"
The rest of the team were silent, dreamy expressions on their faces. Everything had been better with Professor Charlotte Raver – and indeed, she was a right little raver, as Bobby had once remarked just before Kitty smacked him – in the mansion. A wheelchair-bound clairvoyant, she had visited the mansion as part of her working holiday from England, researching group homes for the next English edition of Mutant Big Brother.
She had also researched Xavier. She'd done a whole lot of Xavier research, in fact. Once Jean had figured out why everyone else was running around half-naked and screwing exactly like teenage boys didn't, she'd quietly reinforced the telepathic shields around Xavier's rooms.
Well, after she and Scott had exhausted each other. No point in wasting the mood.
Logan leaned closer to Rogue and stroked her shoulder. He whispered in her ear, making her giggle.
Xavier's head snapped up and he scowled at Logan. "Could you please keep your mind on the task at hand?" Xavier spun in his wheelchair and pointed at Kitty. "And you! You! Control yourself! I *am* a telepath, you know! You can experiment with clothespins and caramel fudge later!"
Kitty raised her hands. "Sor-ree," she said, and jammed her hands under her behind. One hand disappeared almost entirely into the sill.
"And don't think I don't know what gesture you're making, young lady," Xavier said. He sighed tiredly. "Look, I'm not asking for much. And it's not that bad, really. I am quite skilled. My legs may not work, but my – abilities – more than compensate for that. I understand if you people in relationships don't want to cheat. I just need a little affection."
Silence greeted him. No one moved.
Xavier looked around the room again. "And if I have to, I'll make a new rule. If I don't get any, neither do the rest of you!" His fist came down on the table with a massive thump, making Jubilee jump.
Rogue and Logan started muttering. Jean and Scott exchanged worried glances. Jubilee, Remy, and Hank whispered. Bobby jumped off the sill and stamped his foot, which had fallen asleep. Kurt and Kitty shrugged at each other.
Storm stepped forward and cleared her throat. Everyone fell silent. "Professor," she said strongly, "I am not currently in a relationship, and I am intrigued by your offer."
A huge grin blossomed on Xavier's face. "Right, that's it!" he shouted. "Clear the room!"
Jubilee led the stampede, as Xavier and Storm advanced on each other. Jean was the last to leave, and what she caught from Xavier's mind made her smile admiringly. "Wow," she said, closing the door, and beginning the careful construction of telepathic shields around the study. She looked at Scott, who waited patiently next to her. She looked back inside, brow furrowed in thought.
Scott's mouth opened wide in outrage. "Hey!"
"Just kidding, just kidding," Jean said hurriedly. "Come on, we'd better get out of here."
