The Pitch

ABC General Hospital Studios. Writer, Elizabeth Korte, approaches Executive Producer Jill Farren Phelps in a conference room.

Elizabeth Korte: Ms. Phelps, excuse me. . . Ms. Phelps. . . there has been an overwhelming amount of positive responses to the chemistry between Lucky Spencer and Gia Campbell. However, in addition, the numbers are slowly decreasing in amount of positive responses for the pairing of Lucky Spencer and Elizabeth Webber have been down for about 2 years now. I believe we should create a romantic relationship between Gia and Lucky. How does that sound to you?

Jill Farren Phelps: Gia? Who the hell is Gia?

Jill Farren Phelps: Listen, you so-called writer, you can't just go around inventing storyline ideas for non-existent characters, alright?!

Elizabeth Korte: No, no, no.Gia is Nikolas' fiancé. She’s also going to be princess soon. HELLO?! She got an invitation from Prince Charles, remember?

Jill Farren Phelps: Prince Charles?  Here we go again. . . NON-EXISTENT character! Besides, Nikolas is already married. . . DUH!

Elizabeth Korte: I'm not just inventing this storyline either, this was the main idea from the beginning. This is why Gia was brought on the show in the first place: to break up Lucky and Elizabeth. Not to mention Jacob Young and Rebecca Herbst don't like working together. By taking on this storyline, we can please everyone: the fans... the actors.... Heck, even the characters will be better.

Jill Farren Phelps: Break up Lucky and Elizabeth?  Why would we want to do that?  Lucky and Elizabeth are our oldest and dearest supercouple! Besides, I could care less how that Jacob person feels. He’s nothing but eye candy on a soap opera salary. . .

Elizabeth Korte: We want to do that because Lucky and Elizabeth are boring!

Jill Farren Phelps: Boring!? Says who?

Elizabeth Korte: Um. . . me!. . . the actors!. . . the FANS!

Jill Farren Phelps: The fans?  We have fans now?

Elizabeth Korte: ::sigh:: Yes.We have a few remaining fans, and apparently they think Lucky and Elizabeth are boring. So here is what I'm thinking. . . We do something never done on your part. . . We give the fans what they want—a Lucky/Gia pairing. So how about it, Ms. Phelps?

Jill Farren Phelps: Okay, I'm lost. Why would we give the fans what they want?

Elizabeth Korte: Hmmm....that’s a tough one. Probably to keep the remaining fans with us and. . . KEEP THE SHOW ON THE AIR! ::sigh::

Jill Farren Phelps: Listen. . . whatever your name is. . . you are needlessly worrying over nothing. General Hospital will stay on the air no matter what we do

Elizabeth Korte: It's Elizabeth Korte, thank you. And I’m not worrying over nothing. We are DYING in the ratings and we will CONTINUE to die if we keep these "couples" of yours together! Do you even realize what you did to OLTL?!

Jill Farren Phelps: Ratings? ::laughing hysterically:: No one pays attention to the ratings! And that little show was NOTHING until I came on board.

Elizabeth Korte: (quietly to herself) I wish Guza was here. At least he knew my name. AND he listened to me.

Jill Farren Phelps: You expect me to know the name of every little person who works for me? And as far as LISTENING to you. . . this little "idea" you have is ridiculous. Lucky and Liz ARE General Hospital.

Elizabeth Korte: No, I expect NOTHING from YOU. And if Lucky and Liz are General Hospital, then that must be why we are DYING IN THE RATINGS. The ratings THAT EVERYONE PAYS ATTENTION TO!

Jill Farren Phelps: Enough about these ratings. . . they are beneath me.

Elizabeth Korte: How can they be beneath you if you are lower than dirt?! :::huff::

Jill Farren Phelps: I'll ignore that deviant comment.

Elizabeth Korte: "Deviant"??? ::sarcastically:: Okay, Edward.

Jill Farren Phelps: The name is JILL. Edward is a MAN'S name

Elizabeth Korte: :::snickers:::: Have you looked in the mirror lately?! Poor Marisa. . .

Jill Farren Phelps: Here we go again. . . MARISA?  WHO IS MARISA???!!!

Elizabeth Korte: Marisa Ramirez. . . She’s the only one who is EVER nice to you.

Jill Farren Phelps: Oh yes, that nice little girl with the braids. . .

Elizabeth Korte: Yeah, her

Jill Farren Phelps: ANWAY, about this storyline. . . let's pretend that I'm interested. . . what do you propose?

Elizabeth Korte: This storyline. . . I want it. . . you don't. I propose that we break up Lucky and Liz. Let's face it. . .it's pretty much over between them. There is absolutely NO spark! Anyway, after we separate Liz and Lucky, we slowly break up Nikolas and Gia as well.

Jill Farren Phelps: Alright, first of all, spark?  Who needs a spark?  Second, why would we break up Nikolas and Gia? Gia's becoming a PRINCESS!

Elizabeth Korte: Who wants to watch a girl become some stuck up princess? What is she going to do all day?

Jill Farren Phelps: "stuck up"???!!! Ugh!  I will tell you, employee, that all people LOVE princesses!

Elizabeth Korte: I don’t

Jill Farren Phelps: ::laughing:: Well OBVIOUSLY! You are. . . well. . . low class, my dear.

Elizabeth Korte: I'll let that comment slide...THIS TIME ::pauses to take a breath and look at her notes:: What I'm thinking is that Gia becomes a cop. Nikolas doesn't like that. Then, LUCKY becomes a cop. Gia and Lucky become partners and go on all night stakeouts. Due to the lack of trust between Nikolas and Gia, they break up. This leaves Gia and Lucky to pair up.

Jill Farren Phelps: ::filing nails while Elizabeth talks::

Elizabeth Korte: ::sighing:: Nevermind, you probably don’t want to do this because you don't care about ratings, fans, actors or what happens to the characters.

Jill Farren Phelps: OF COURSE I care about the actors! Without them, who would I have to play with?

Elizabeth Korte: And if you go with the storyline, I'll keep it on the down low about how you "care" about the actors, ratings, and characters

Jill Farren Phelps: "Down low"? What is this "down low"?

Elizabeth Korte: Nevermind, that threat went right over your head. ::rubbing temples::

Elizabeth Korte: Anyway, Marisa isn't too happy with the way things are going. Neither are Coltin, Jacob, or Rebecca.

Jill Farren Phelps: ::looking distraught:: Marisa isn't happy?  But I let her carry my coat on the way in the office this morning!

Elizabeth Korte: She was sucking up to you so that you would go along with this storyline pitch!

Jill Farren Phelps: For your information, employee, I don't "go along" with anything an employee pitches to me. I have not gained a reputation as the brightest and best producer in the industry by "going along" with ideas from ::huff:: workers!

Elizabeth Korte: You have not gained a reputation as being the "brightest and best producer in the industry" PERIOD!

Elizabeth Korte: Why don't I go get ANTHONY GEARY and see how he feels about everything that has been said in here?!

Jill Farren Phelps: ANTHONY?  Umm. . . he's. . . ::cough:: busy

Elizabeth Korte: ::not believing it:: Right, well I'll just give him a ring (takes out cell phone)

Jill Farren Phelps: Hey, where did you get that phone?! Cell phones aren't allowed in this building. . .

Jill Farren Phelps: besides. .  .on YOUR salary. . .

Elizabeth Korte: On MY salary?! You don't even know what I make, do you?!

Jill Farren Phelps: Of course I do, dear, my gardener earns more than you do

Elizabeth Korte: Well then I think you are overpaying your gardener

Jill Farren Phelps: Chump change, my dear

Elizabeth Korte: Alrighty, we'll see how you feel about that "chump change" in 3 years

Elizabeth Korte: hum-deedle-dee-dum-deedle-dee-dum :::dialing number slowly:::

Jill Farren Phelps: no. . . no. . . WAIT. . . don't you do that

Jill Farren Phelps: are you still calling Anthony?  ::looking worried::

Jill Farren Phelps: he's supposed to be on ::cough:: vacation ::cough::

Elizabeth Korte: Yes. . .oh wait. . . shh . . .it's ringing.And, by the way, Tony’s not on vacation until the end of the month, dear exec.

Jill Farren Phelps: ::shouting towards the cell phone:: TONY, TONY! Don't listen to her!

Jill Farren Phelps: I LOVE YOU, TONY! I LOVE YOU! DON'T LEAVE ME!

Elizabeth Korte: SHUT UP!

Jill Farren Phelps: ::crying hysterically::

Elizabeth Korte: (on the phone) Anthony....Hi....Yes, this is Elizabeth. I'm with Jill. . . . . . . Yes, that’s her bawling in the background. She knows her career is over.

Jill Farren Phelps: I LOVE YOU TONY ::sob, weep::

Elizabeth Korte: (on the phone) uh-huh.....Can you come into my office please? We are just having a small argument over a storyline idea

Jill Farren Phelps: ::pushes small red button underneath the conference table::

Elizabeth Korte: (on the phone) I'll meet you in my office, and lock the door after you get there

Jill Farren Phelps: ::laughs psychotically::

Elizabeth Korte: (on the phone) I'll be there as soon as possible

Jill Farren Phelps: You have an office, worker?

Elizabeth Korte: (hangs up phone) That is soon-to-be executive producer to you. And yes I do have an office. Robert Guza gave it to me.

Jill Farren Phelps: ::huff::

Jill Farren Phelps: Robert Guza. . . wait. . . I know that name. . . ::looks confused::

Elizabeth Korte: He'll be taking over your job VERY soon. . . once I talk to Anthony that is.... so if you'll excuse me :::heads towards door:::

Jill Farren Phelps: (as Elizabeth walks away)  You have no right to speak Anthony's name!  NO RIGHT AT ALL!

Jill Farren Phelps: I'LL GET YOU!

Jill Farren Phelps: I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS, WORKER!

Jill Farren Phelps: AND YOUR LITTLE DOG TOO!

Elizabeth Korte: ::whips around:: Is that a threat?! ::laughing hysterically as she exits:::

Jill Farren Phelps: ::crumbles to the floor weeping::

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