Pilot

LORELAI: Please, Luke. Please, please, please.
LUKE: How many cups have you had this morning?
LORELAI: None.
LUKE: Plus...
LORELAI: Five, but yours is better.
LUKE: You have a problem.
LORELAI: Yes, I do.
(Luke fills her cup.)
LUKE: Junkie.
LORELAI: Angel. You've got wings, baby.

*******************************************
(Luke comes up to the table dressed in a nice shirt.)
LORELAI: Wow, you look nice. Really nice.
LUKE: I had a meeting earlier at the bank. They like collars. You look nice too.
LORELAI: I had a flagellation to go to.
LUKE: So what'll you have?
LORELAI: Coffee, in a vat.
RORY: I'll have coffee also. And chili fries.
LUKE: That's quite a refined palate you got there.
(Luke shakes his head and goes to get their order.)
LORELAI: Behold the healing power of a bath. So, tell me about the guy.
**********************************************

The Lorelai's First Day At Chilton

(Lorelai is walking down the road by Luke's diner with her dry cleaning. She goes into the door andpasses a man on his way out, smiling at him.)
L : (sighs) I already had the longest day of my life and it's only ten o'clock.
Luke : (fixing what looks like a toaster) There's no coffee.
L : That's not funny.
Luke : I can give you herbal tea.
L : This is not an herbal tea morning. This is a coffee morning.
Luke : Every morning for you is a coffee morning.
L : This is a jumbo coffee morning. I need coffee in an IV.
Luke : I can give you tea and a balance bar.
L : Please, please, please tell me you're kidding.
Luke : I'm kidding. (goes back and gets the coffee pot.)
L : You're sick.
Luke : Yep.
L : You're a fiend!
Luke : For here or to go.
L : To go please.
Luke : You want to know what this stuff does to your nervous system?
L : Do you have a chart? Because I love charts.
Luke : Maybe next time. What happened this morning that was so awful.
L : Rory started Chilton.
Luke : Really?
L : Yeah. (sees him looking at her strangely) What?
Luke : That's how you dressed to take Rory to Chilton? That's a fancy school.
L : My clothes were at the cleaners. I had the fuzzy clock and it didn't purr on time.
Luke : It didn't purr?
L : It's fuzzy. It purrs. Never mind. I gotta go. I had a plan, damn it.
Luke : Me too. Next time you're getting tea.
(Lorelai stalks out of the diner. Luke pulls what looks like a chicken bone out of the toaster.)

****************************************************************

Lorelai ignores her, scene shifts to Lorelai walking into Luke's diner. Luke is walking near the entrance
and he has to squeeze by her to get through.)
Luke : What are you doing here?
L : See, now that's why you were voted Mr. Personality of the New Millennium. Where's your crown?
Luke : I just mean you don't usually come it at this time.
L : I have to pick up Rory from school. (Luke pours her coffee without any argument) Thank you.
Luke : You're welcome.
L : No lectures?
Luke : My blood sugar's low. I'll eat an apple and get back to you.
L : God, this has been one hectic, bizarro day for me.
Luke : Yeah?
L : Yeah. This morning with the being late. And my mother with her existing. Oh, and this father. Thisfather from Chilton. He drove all the way from Hartford just to ask me out.
Luke : Really? Are you going? (trying to appear like he doesn't care)
L : No. He's got a kid in school with Rory. The whole thing just seemed a little weird.
Luke : Good.
L : Good?
Luke : Yeah, I think it's good that you turned him down.
L : Okay.
Luke : I mean, he's probably old, right?
L : Old?
Luke : I mean, he's got a kid in high school.
L : Well, so do I.
Luke : Yeah, but you were young when you had Rory. Most people aren't that young. Most peopleare..
L : Old.
Luke : Yeah.
L : Like this guy who asked me out.
Luke : But you're not going.
L : No. No, I'm not going.
(she kind of smiles a bit, thinks he likes her, her cell phone rings, he points to the sign that says no
cell phones)
L : Oh, that's me. Hi Babette. What? Okay. No. No, I'll be right there. Thanks. (hangs up) Uh, I have
to go. (pulls out wallet)
Luke : Keep it. I gave you decaf.
(she frowns and walks out the door)
********************************************
The Deer Hunters

[Lorelai comes in]
LORELAI: Hey, Backwards baseball hat - new look for you. [looks at Rory] She’s eating pie? Did she
even have dinner?
LUKE: You raised her, I just serve.
[Lorelai goes and sits with Rory]

********************************************
Rory's Birthday Parties

(Cut to Luke's. Lorelai walks in with a garment bag. She looks around the diner and takes a seat at
the counter.)
LUKE: She's not here yet.
LORELAI: All right. You'll have to entertain me until she arrives. OK, Burger Boy, dance.
LUKE: Will you marry me?
LORELAI: What?
LUKE: Just looking for something to shut you up.
LORELAI: You better be nice to me or I'm not inviting you to Rory Gilmore's birthday celebration this
Saturday night.
LUKE: You don't have to ask me, you know.
LORELAI: I know. But I would like you to come.
LUKE: Yeah?
LORELAI: Yeah.
LUKE: OK, I'll see.
LORELAI: 7:00. Don't be late.

*************************************************
(Lorelai starts out the door. Luke comes in carrying ice.)
LORELAI: Oh! Oh my God! You're a vision! Sookie, we have ice!
SOOKIE: Hallelujah.
LORELAI: How did you know?
LUKE: Well, a good rule of thumb is you can never have too much ice.
LORELAI: Oh, you're the best.
(Lorelai hugs Luke just as Emily comes out of the kitchen.)
LORELAI: That's -- Oh, hi, Mom. This is my friend Luke
LUKE: How are you doing?
EMILY: Fine, thank you.
LUKE: Well I'd better get these in the freezer before they melts.
LORELAI: Well, not very likely in here.
*********************************************
EMILY: And this man with the ice.
LORELAI: Luke.
EMILY: How long have you been seeing him?
LORELAI: Luke? I'm not seeing Luke. He's just a friend.
EMILY: Mm-hmm.
LORELAI: Mom, I swear. Luke keeps me in coffee, nothing else.
EMILY: He seems to like you.
LORELAI: And you're judging this by what?
EMILY: By they way he looked at you.
LORELAI: Which is how?
EMILY: Like you were about to give him a lap dance.
LORELAI: Mom, he did not look at me like that.
EMILY: You're pleased.
LORELAI: What?
EMILY: You smiled. You're pleased that the ice man looked at you like a Porterhouse steak.
**************************************************
Kiss and Tell

RORY: Hey. My mom's not wearing any underwear.
LORELAI: Oh!
RORY: Well you aren't.
TAYLOR: You're just being selfish, Luke.
LORELAI: Still they don't notice. I can't take it anymore.
TAYLOR: We're talking about the spirit of fall.
(Lorelai gets the coffee herself and lifts the cover off the muffins.
LORELAI: What kind of muffin do you want?
RORY: Blueberry.
LUKE: You know where you can stick the spirit of fall?
(Luke hands Lorelai a utensil to pick up the muffins.)
LUKE: Here, don't use your hands.
TAYLOR: I don't think you're taking me seriously.
LUKE: What gave you that idea? (to Lorelai, who is leaving) No tip?
LORELAI: Oh, yeah, here's a tip -- serve your customers.
LUKE: Here's another -- don't sit on any cold benches.
************************************************
(Lorelai is sitting at a table watching Rory and Lane out the window.)

LUKE: Coffee? (no answer) Aw, come on. Are you mad at me too? I mean, a man can't choose
whether or not he wants a picture of a fat, stupid bird on his wall? My God, that's the reason the
damn Pilgrims came here in the first place.
LORELAI: Luke, I wasn't snubbing you. I didn't hear you and now I'm concerned about you.
LUKE: Sorry, just feeling a little persecuted lately. Coffee?
LORELAI: Please.
LUKE: You OK?
LORELAI: Yes, I'm fine.
LUKE: You don't look fine.
LORELAI: Well thank you.
LUKE: I just meant you look concerned.
LORELAI: I'm preoccupied.
LUKE: You look concerned.
LORELAI: Well I'm not.
LUKE: Fine, you just look it.
LORELAI: Hey, you know some streamers would look so great in here.
LUKE: OK, I'm done.
LORELAI: Thank you.
**********************************************
(Rory leaves quickly. Luke comes back to the table.)
LUKE: I'm not gonna say you look concerned.
LORELAI: I'm not gonna talk about how good you'd look dressed like one of the guys from 'The
Crucible.'
LUKE: Fair enough.
**********************************************
Lorelai goes to the market and sees Dean working. She hides in an aisle and watches him bag
groceries. Luke comes in, spots Lorelai, and walks up behind her.)
LUKE: Hey.
LORELAI: (startled) Oh, God! What are you doing?
LUKE: What are you doing?
LORELAI: I asked you first.
LUKE: I ran out of cream.
LORELAI: Yeah me too.
LUKE: What are you starin' at?
LORELAI: Nothing. Don't look, don't look.
LUKE: What is wrong with you today?
LORELAI: Rory got kissed.
LUKE: What?
LORELAI: Rory had her first kiss and that guy did it.
LUKE: Ah.
LORELAI: Yeah.
LUKE: The new kid.
LORELAI: Yep.
(Luke laughs.)
LORELAI: Oh look at him. Look how smug he is.
LUKE: He's bagging groceries. It's hard to be smug bagging groceries.
LORELAI: Oh look how he just handled those lemons.
LUKE: What are you talking about?
LORELAI: He threw them in the bag. Not tossed them or placed them but threw them like they were
nothing to him.
LUKE: They're lemons.
LORELAI: They're symbolic.
LUKE: OK. We need to get you out of here.
LORELAI: No. That' Lothario over there has wormed his way into my daughter's heart and mouth and
for that he must die!
LUKE: That's it, let's go.
LORELAI: No.
LUKE: You're not going to kill the bag boy.
LORELAI: Why not?
LUKE: It's double coupon day. You'll bring down the town.
(Luke drags Lorelai out of the store.)
LORELAI: OK, OK. I'm out. Stop pushing me.
LUKE: What are you thinking spying on that kid like that?
LORELAI: I don't know. I just wanted to see him. I mean I've seen him already but that was before he
was --
LUKE: Rory's boyfriend?
LORELAI: Shush, you.
LUKE: She's growing up.
LORELAI: I know.
LUKE: There's nothing you can do about that.
LORELAI: OK, Mr. Reality, break into somebody's else's house.
LUKE: Sorry.
LORELAI: Why didn't she tell me?
LUKE: What?
LORELAI: Why didn't Rory tell me about the kiss?
LUKE: Maybe she didn't know you'd take it so well.
LORELAI: Want to hear something crazy?
LUKE: 'Cause all the talk up until now has been so normal.
LORELAI: He kind of looks like Christopher.
LUKE: The grocery kid?
LORELAI: Yeah. He looks like Christopher.
LUKE: And Christopher is Rory's dad?
LORELAI: The hair, the build, something about the eyes. He reminds me of Christopher.
LUKE: Well that's not too surprising.
LORELAI: You're going to quote Freud to me? 'Cause I'll push you in front of a moving car. This talk
was going so well.
LUKE: You and Rory are a lot alike. It's not surprising you would have similar tastes in men.
LORELAI: I guess. But why? Why didn't she tell me? We tell each other everything.
LUKE: This is different
LORELAI: But we tell each other everything else. But this she keeps a secret. It's 'cause it's a guy
thing.
LUKE: Probably.
LORELAI: Well that's not good. I have to make her understand that I'm OK with the guy thing. 'Cause
not talking about guys and our personal lives -- that's me and my mom. That is not me and Rory.
LUKE: Are you OK with the guy thing?
LORELAI: Yes.
LUKE: Really?
LORELAI: OK...ish.
LUKE: That's not OK.
LORELAI: Well it's OK with an -ish.
LUKE: Whatever you say.
LORELAI: She just -- she thinks I'll disapprove, right? Well I won't. I will show her that I think this is
great. Once she sees that I think this is great, everything will be back to normal between us, right?
Right -- OK, good.
LUK:E So you passed the need for an actual person to talk to several minutes ago.
LORELAI: Oh, yeah. Before the gelato stand.
LUKE: You're an amazing woman.
LORELAI: Thank you for noticing.
*********************************************
Love And War And Snow

L (whispers): Where's Luke?
R: Up there.
MAYOR: Penny will be circulating a sign up sheet for those of you who would like to participate in the
reenactment of foresaid battle.
R (whispers): He's turning red.
MAYOR: All right. It was a frigid November night, some 224 years ago.
L (whispers): He's shifting in his seat
MAYOR: The brave stars hollow militia stood in wait for the Red Coats.
R (whispers): He's adjusting the cap.
L: Ooh!
MAYOR: Tired and Hungry, twelve proud men took their positions in the Town's Square, braving the
elements . . .
L (whispers): He's fighting the urge, he's fighting the urge.
MAYOR: . . .and imminent death in their valiant efforts. . .
LUKE: Oh for God's Sake, do we have to go through this every damn year!
L: Yesssss!
R: And the urge wins by a long shot.
***********************************************
(The reenactors walk towards their standing area. Lorelai walks over to Luke)
LORELAI: There goes the fire chief, the police chief and the one paramedic with a valid license. I feel
safe, don't you?
LUKE: Look at them, all relatively intelligent men, but there they are dressed up in costumes, standing
out in a snowstorm and for what?
L: Because it's tradition.
LUKE: Tradition is a trap, it allows people to stick their head in the sand. Everything that passed was
so quaint, so charming. Times were simpler. Kids didn't have sex. Neighbors knew each other. It's a
freaking fairy tale. Things sucked then too. It just sucked without indoor plumbing.
L: I think some traditions are nice. Birthdays. Holidays. Taking a walk in the first snow of the season.
LUKE: I didn't get the Hallmark card for that one.
L: When I was five, I had a really bad ear infection and I had been home in bed for a week and I was
very sad. So I wished really hard that something wonderful would happen to me. And I woke up the
next morning and it had snowed. And I was sure that some fairy godmother had done it just for me. It
was my little present.
LUKE: Your parents never explained the concept of weather to you?
L: I'm making a point, Mouthy McGee. Of course, many years later, I realized that logically, the snow
was not there for me personally. But, still, when it snows, something inside me says, 'hey that's your
present.' I don't think it'll ever change.
(Luke watches the reenactors)
LUKE: My father used to be one of those guys.
L: Yeah?
LUKE: Yeah, even had his own musket.
L: Really.
LUKE: Never had to rent it.
L: Where is the musket now?
LUKE: He was buried with it.
L: Wow.
LUKE: Yup. He loved that musket.
L: That's nice. . . in a disturbing sort of way.
LUKE: Come on in, I'll get you some coffee.
L: No thanks. I'm gonna walk around. Enjoy my present a little.
*****************************************************

(Luke watches with a sad look as Max and Lorelai kiss.)

****************************************************
Rory's Dance