I Hate A Mystery
Synopsis: In the Swamp, the usual suspects are playing cards, while Frank reads his Bible. All is (more or less) well, until Frank realises that the silver frame from the photo of his mother has been stolen! He accuses Hawkeye, Trapper and Spearchucker of taking it, but they look as surprised as him.
When Frank visits Margaret to complain about the theft of his frame, it comes to light that her hairbrushes, a gift from her father, are also missing. The fishing reel Henry was giving to Leslie is stolen, Trapper loses his watch and when Ho-Jon tries to make Hawkeye a drink they realise that his swizzle stick has also disappeared.
In the Mess Tent later on, Henry announces that the lights will be turned off for thirty seconds, and if the missing items are returned then, he won’t pursue the matter any further. The lights go out, but when they are switched back on, even more things have been stolen.
Henry is forced to conduct a tent-by-tent search, including everyone, even himself and Radar.
Not really expecting to find anything in the Swamp, everyone is surprised when the missing items turn up in Hawkeye’s foot locker.
Hawkeye goes to Henry’s office to protest his innocence, but Frank and Margaret think he should be court-martialed. Hawkeye returns to the Swamp in disgust. He is followed by Radar, doing a not particularly good job of unobtrusively watching him. Even Trapper ignores Hawkeye.
Everyone in camp, even Father Mulcahy, believes that Hawkeye stole the items, and so he decides to try to find the real thief. He persuades Henry to stage a conversation which ‘accidentally’ gets transmitted over the PA system, to the effect that the stolen articles, which are now safely locked in Henry’s desk, are covered in fingerprints which they will be able to retrieve tomorrow to determine the identity of the thief.
Hawkeye checks Henry’s desk late that night, and, as Hawkeye hoped, the thief has returned to take away the evidence. He calls Trapper, Henry, Radar, Margaret, Frank, Ho-Jon, Spearchucker, Leslie and Nurse Barbara to a meeting in the Mess Tent, with the intention of unmasking the guilty party.
Pacing around the tent, Hawkeye goes through everyone’s possible motives for framing him. He then reveals that the stolen items in Henry’s desk had been treated with a special chemical, which would turn the fingernails of anyone trying to retrieve the items blue.
Ho-Jon hurriedly sits on his hands, and everyone looks at him. His hands aren’t blue, but Hawkeye was bluffing, and Ho-Jon admits that he took the items in order to bribe the border guards to get his family out of the North, and Hawkeye's locker was just the safest place to keep things.
Henry and Leslie tell him to keep the fishing reel if he really needs it, and Margaret says the same about her brushes. They all decide to let Ho-Jon keep the stolen items to help his family.
Review: This is a good episode, and the ‘unmasking the guilty party’ scene is very funny. But poor Hawkeye! Nobody trusts him! 7/10.
Romance Review: Henry has Leslie’s first fish stuffed for her. Hawkeye and Trapper both try and fail to get dates. 3/10.
Trivia: Margaret brushes her hair 100 strokes every night.
This is the first appearance of Radar’s teddy bear.
Quotes: It’s getting so a man can’t talk to his own shrub around here! – Hawkeye.
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