The Pilot
September 17, 1972
Written by Larry Gelbart
Directed by Gene Reynolds
Guest Stars: Karen Philipp, Patrick Adiarte, G. Wood, Timothy Brown,
Linda Meiklejohn, Laura Miller, George Morgan
Synopsis: The first ever episode of M*A*S*H begins on a typical day at the 4077th. Hawkeye, Trapper and Ho-Jon play golf, Father Mulcahy snoozes, Spearchucker and Radar play football, Henry enjoys a drink with a nurse and Frank and Margaret read the Bible together – or are they playing footsie under the table?
Radar stops, hearing choppers arriving, and there is an extended version of the opening credits, with scenes of the gang attending to the wounded.
Over scenes of a busy surgery, Hawkeye narrates a letter to his father, telling him about the realities of meatball surgery in wartime Korea.
Later, in the Swamp, Hawkeye gets a letter from the Dean of his old college, saying that Ho-Jon has been accepted to attend there in the Fall, provided he can pay the tuition fees. While Ho-Jon goes to tell his family, Hawkeye and Trapper decide to throw a party and raffle off a weekend in Tokyo with a nurse in order to raise the money Ho-Jon will need.
Hawkeye persuades one of the nurses, Lieutenant Dish, to put herself up for raffle, but Frank and Margaret disapprove. Back in the Swamp, Frank gets angry and breaks Trapper and Hawkeye’s precious still.
Because of the trouble with Frank and Margaret, Henry revokes the passes to Tokyo for the winner of the raffle and cancels the party, revealing that he wasn’t happy about it going on anyway, since he was going to Seoul that day and wouldn’t be there to supervise the party.
After Henry leaves, Frank is left in command and bans all extracurricular activities, but Hawkeye and Trapper get Ginger to help them to sedate him, and they bandage his head to disguise him and leave him in a bed in Post-Op.
With Frank out of the way, the party begins and is in full swing when Margaret comes in, demanding to know what they have done with Frank. When they refuse to tell her, she calls General Hammond, who is an old friend of hers.
Eventually, Margaret finds Frank, and is bringing him to the party just as General Hammond and Henry arrive to see the raffle being drawn. Hawkeye announces that the winner is Father Mulcahy, and Margaret enters with a drugged up Frank to complain about ther conduct.
General Hammond orders Hawkeye and Trapper arrested, but choppers are arriving and they have to go to surgery, during which General Hammond is so impressed that afterwards he lets them off the hook, declaring that they’re the best surgeons he’s ever seen.
Review: This is a reasonable episode, with an interesting story and some funny lines, but you would never guess from this pilot that M*A*S*H would become the amazing show that it did. 6/10
Romance Review: Hawkeye and Trapper both woo various nurses, Hawkeye chases Lieutenant Dish, Frank and Margaret's relationship is revealed and Henry takes Lesley to Seoul. 4/10
Trivia: Ho-Jon planned to go and live with Hawkeye's family once he went to college.
Quotes: 'You know, we gotta do it someday - throw away all the guns and invite all the jokers from the North and the South in here to a cocktail party. Last man standing on his feet at the end wins the war.' - Hawkeye
'My lips were made by Stradivarius' - Hawkeye
'I peeked at the end, Frank - the devil did it.' - Trapper, borrowing Frank's Bible
'Those two - they're ruining this war for all of us!' - Margaret, on Hawkeye and Trapper
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