| I walk into Willow's house, and wouldn't you know it, she's right there. Not Willow, I mean. The demon. Once upon a time I would have thought the whole leather-and-lace thing was sexy. Dangerous. 'Course then Faith nearly killed me getting her jollies. That kinda turns a guy off from kinky stuff. "New hair," I say, unsure of how to begin the conversation. She's changed it to look just like Willow's. It'd look good on her, regal even, if the fact that she looks exactly like my former best friend didn't creep me to hell and back. "Uh, yeah. Nice of you to notice," she says. Great. Great start. I take a deep breath, exhale slowly. I know what I'm here to do. Be a man. "Look, I'm here to make you an offer," I say. "What sort of offer?" she asks in that mock-innocent mock-Willow tone. Underneath, I can feel the viciousness. She's toying with me. I try very hard not to show how scared I am. "I know you have this -- thing for me. And I'm willing to be... your puppy, your victim, if you'll just promise to leave my friends alone once and for all." She just sits there and regards me. No fear, I tell myself. She stands up, looks me in the eye. "And what if I want you to be more than my puppy?" she asks with a false shyness. Oh God. Don't panic. "Look!" I say. "I'll be your lover. I'll let you turn me, and we can be together forever. Just... just leave Willow alone, ok?" "Gee, you'll just sleep with the first cute girl in leather you see, huh? Faith'd be so proud." "Faith was a mistake," I say bitterly. "And I'm here to fix things." "So this is how you do it..." She smiles a thin, evil smile. "Don't you love me?" "No, I don't love you," I say, and I can see the wrath in her eyes, and I know in that instant there's no turning back, I'm gonna die, but I don't care anymore. "You're nothing like her! You may sound just like Willow, and you may look a bit like her -- on the outside -- but inside, you're nothing like her! She's the best person I know. You may have her memories, but you don't have her soul." I lean in close, and whisper in her ear. "And you never will." That'll be my final victory; that Willow's safe, and happy, and loved, even if I never see her again with human eyes. "So you love her. Not me," she says. "Why? Don't you think I'm sexy?" I can feel her hot breath on my throat. Won't be long now, if I'm lucky. "Do you really have to ask? There's this thing between us that's not going to go away, no matter how much I screw up. I'll always love her, and even you can't take that away from me." C'mon! Kill me already! Please. I can't take this. "But you never told her," she whispers back. "And now, you never will." I can't see her face, but I can hear the laughter in her voice, cruel and cracked. "See, that's where you're wrong." Defiant 'till the end. "There was this time, where she ended up in the hospital, and I wasn't sure if she was going to make it, so I told her. I told her how much she means to me; how empty my life would be without her. I told her 'I love you,' and the crazy thing was, she woke up right then. Like it was some sort of miracle...and the first word out of her mouth was, 'Oz!'....She thought I was him." I choke up a bit. "She thought I was him! Her boyfriend. Oz. No matter how much she denies it, no matter how close we ever get, I know that deep down, I'll always be second rate in her heart. Now that she's got him. She'll never really love me the way she loves him; she'll never know how much I really love her. And she'll probably go to her deathbed hating me now, for Faith, or for this, or for the million other stupid things I've done to hurt her." I steel myself with the truth. "But I know how much I love her, even if she never will. And maybe that's not much, but that's enough." I close my eyes, curl up inside my mind. I don't want the last thing I see, the last thing I feel, to be this thing, this thing with her face and her eyes and her voice, that's not her. So my last thoughts are of her, as I feel hot liquid on my throat. Am I bleeding? No. Slowly, I open my eyes. She's crying. I didn't know vampires could cry. Gently, I touch her, try to console her. "So...I guess I'm spared?" "Yeah, you're spared," she says. She rests her head against my shoulder. "It's only me." I don't understand, but then she explains. "I sent the demon back an hour ago." |
| PENANCE |
| NOW THAT YOU'VE READ PENANCE, GO READ MERCY. |