“On Our Own”
Episode Four (#1P04)
The Gang Goes Over the Top
Written by John Painting
Scene One:
“Start the Commotion”
Location:
Benji’s Penthouse
Characters:
Benji
[Benji
is seen sleeping on the floor amongst all of his cats, the camera pans to the
doorway, the door opens slowly and a man clad in black walks in steals the
first cat he sees and flees…of course, Benji is woken not by the sound, but by
sensing that one of his cats is in trouble]
Benji: [gasp] Andy number one million two hundred thirty-seven thousand, one hundred fifteen, where are you?
[no
answer]
Benji
[screaming]: OH MY GOD SOME BASTARD STOLE MY KITTY-KITTY-CAT-CAT!!!!!
John
[bursting in]: Benji!
Benji
[crying]: What?
John:
What the hell is wrong, and why did you wake us all up with your crying and
screaming?
[Benji
mumbles something incoherently]
John:
Are you missing your sleeping pills?
Benji:
Yeah, that and my cat was kidnapped.
John:
How can a cat get kidnapped? Wouldn’t
it be cat-napped?
[Benji
tries to grab John by the collar, but he’s wearing a T-shirt without a collar]
Benji:
Damn it, can you grow a collar so I can grab it and tell you to shut the hell
up?
John:
Pffft. [he leaves]
OPENING CREDITS
Song: (to the
same theme music as Cheers)
1. Musical
Beginning
2. Sometimes
you wanna go, where it is always gonna rain,
3. And you'll
always be in pain.
4. You wanna
be where you can see, the people are all insane,
5. You wanna
go where you can be eaten by a Great Dane.
6. Musical
Ending
Sequence:
(corresponding line by line from the song above)
1. A view of downtown
Dayboqrx, with the text "On Our Own" along the center of the screen.
2. John is seen,
startled by the camera man in a supermarket, accidentally knocking over a shelf
creating a domino effect, his name on the bottom of the screen.
3. James is seen
in the rainy parking lot, his fingers shaped as a gun pretending to shoot at
nothing, his name on the bottom of the screen.
4. Joe is seen
in the rainy parking lot, chasing a sheep, he stops, smiles, and waves at the
camera, his name on the bottom of the screen.
5. Katie is seen arguing with a light pole, her name on the bottom of the screen.
6. John comes
running from the supermarket, mouthing the words "Run for your
life." The Gang runs as the store
collapses and are chased by a pack of Great Danes. On the bottom of the screen reads "Created by John Painting
and James Achaia."
Scene Two:
“The Call is Coming From Inside the House”
Location: The Gang’s Penthouse
Characters: The Gang, Benji
[Benji
is lying on a large couch, with Katie playing the psychologist]
Katie:
So, you’re saying somebody broke into your house and stole one of your cats?
Benji:
Considering I just said “somebody broke into my house and stole Andy number one million two hundred thirty-seven
thousand, one hundred fifteen,” then yes, I am saying that.
Katie: AHA,
that’s what I thought!
Benji: What?
Katie: Dr.
Johnson stole the cat.
Benji: Bill
stole him…I doubt that.
Katie: Listen,
I’m great, I know these things.
[The guys are
peeking at the two from behind the curtains]
John
[whispering]: Katie…great? What is she
doing?
James
[whispering]: I hope this isn’t gonna be one of those long term things.
Joe
[whispering]: It’s probably just a phase.
Katie: Now, I’m
so very great, don’t you agree, Benji?
Benji: Of
course, you’re the great…but back to my problem.
Katie: No, we
need to dwell on my greatness for a little while.
Benji: What are
you doing, I’m not paying you to stall.
Katie: Yes you
are.
Benji: I want a
new psychiatrist. [he points into the curtains] You!
[ Joe emerges]
Joe: ALRIGHT!!!
Move over Katie.
Katie: My
greatness will never move over.
[ Joe pushes her
behind the curtains]
Joe: What seems
to be the trouble Benji?
Benji: One of my
cats was stolen.
Joe: I can see
how that would be a problem.
Benji: Really?
Joe: No, I just
thought that was one of those things psychiatrists say.
Benji: Is
anybody gonna help me here?
[the phone
rings]
Joe: No.
[long pause as
the phone keeps ringing]
James [from
behind the curtain]: Anybody gonna get that?
Benji: Who said
that?
[ James answers
the phone]
James: Hello.
Lefty: James, it’s Lefty, I’m just calling to say I have Benji’s cat and I want $2000 to give him back.
James: Okay, bye. [he hangs up] That was the shortest ransom call I’ve ever received…and believe me, I’ve taken a lot of them.
John
[behind the curtain]: Who was it?
Benji:
Guys, you know your curtains are talking.
James:
It was Lefty, he has Benji’s cat.
Benji:
When can I get him back?
James:
He wants two thousand dollars ransom.
Benji:
Are you kidding, I don’t have that kind of money, I work in a freakin’ dog food
cannery.
John
[still behind the curtain]: Benji, I never see you at work…what are your hours?
Benji:
Shut up Curtain, I hate it when you talk to me like that.
John
[behind the curtain]: Sigh.
Benji:
Who says “sigh” and doesn’t sigh…obviously CURTAINS!
Katie
[behind the curtain]: Benji, you’re insane.
Benji:
Oh, so you can change your voice…but I will stay one step ahead of you!
Scene Three:
“I’m Begging You Please”
Location: The Penthouse
Characters: The Gang, Benji
[The Gang sits
reading the newspaper while Benji paces about the room]
Katie: Look at
what that says, Katie is great.
John: That says
“explosion in Edge Point kills three.”
Katie: Close
enough.
John: It’s not
close at all.
Katie: Oh
well…you’d understand if you were great.
Joe: I doubt
that.
Benji: How am I
gonna raise two thousand dollars?
Katie: Are you
still here???
James: That was
really insensitive of you, one of his cats was napped. Heh, that’s funny…cat-napped. I’m writing that down. [he grabs a pad of
paper and a pen and begins to jot it down]
John: Write it
down for what?
James: Future
reference…duh.
Joe: Look at
this ad in the paper, they’re selling a mule for seven hundred dollars. If all five of us pitch in money, we can
have this mule by sundown!
Katie: Sounds
like a plan…a peculiar and strange, yet very sound plan.
Benji: What
about the two thousand dollars to save my cat?
Katie: We
already got your cat back.
Benji: When was
this?
Katie:
Yesterday, don’t you remember?
Benji:
Apparently not.
[flashback to
yesterday:
Katie: Here’s your cat, safe and
sound.
Benji: Thanks Katie, you’re so
great.
Katie: I know.
end flashback]
Benji: Oh yeah,
I forgot about that, thanks everybody!
John: Benji, we
never got your cat back.
Benji: KATIE,
YOU LIED TO ME!
Katie: It’s
okay, I’m great, I’m allowed.
James [to Joe]:
I don’t like Katie’s new conceited attitude.
Joe [to James]:
I’m positive it will pass.
John: Look at
this in the paper, there’s a contest with a two thousand dollar prize for
winning.
Benji: Really?
John
[disappointed]: Oh, it says here it’s an arm wrestling competition.
Benji: So?
James: Benji,
you’d never be able to stand an arm wrestling competition.
Benji: I would
if you were to help me.
Katie: What do
you mean?
Benji: Well, if
you coached me, I could win this thing and get my cat back.
Joe: We’d need
to spend like days to teach you to win in one of these things. John, when’s this competition?
John: Three days
from now.
Benji: I could
learn it all in time.
James: I guess
so…but what’s in it for us?
Benji: I could
pay you all to teach me.
James: How much?
Katie: We’re not
in it for the money, as long as I get most of it.
Joe: What?
Katie: Never
mind.
John: It doesn’t
matter, if we taught you well enough, you could win this thing.
Benji: Okay,
we’ll start training next week…I still need some grieving time.
James: We’re
starting today, this competition is in three days, we can’t stall.
Benji:
Fine…[under his breath] Hard ass.
Scene Four:
“Training Day”
Location: The Penthouse
Characters: The Guys, Benji
James: If you
want us to teach you effectively, we need to see how good you are as of right
now.
Benji: I’m seven
out of ten stars.
James: What the
hell are you talking about?
Benji: I thought
we were playing “Star Search,” the home game.
James: Why would
you think that?
John: Don’t they
only go up to four stars?
Benji: Sounds
like the questions of one who’s hoarding “Star Search,” the home game in their
closet!
John: What?
Benji: Can I
check your closet?
John: NO!
Benji: May I go
to the bathroom.
James: Sure.
[Benji goes into
the bathroom and begins looking through things creating a lot of noise]
Joe: Everything
okay in there?
Benji: Sorry, I
just really have to go to the bathroom.
John: Sounds
like your looking for something in there.
Benji: AHA! [he
bursts out] I knew you had the home
game.
James: That’s
lipstick.
Benji:
Lipstick…or “Star Search,” the home game?
James: Lipstick,
and get over here and face me in arm wrestling.
Benji: Fine. [he
smears lipstick all over his face and walks back over to the table]
John
[sarcastic]: Beautiful.
James: So, best
two out of three.
Benji: I will
break you!
James: Good luck
with that.
[they begin, and
James knocks Benji’s arm to the table twice in quick succession]
James [standing
and yelling]: I OWN YOU, THIS IS MY HOUSE!
Benji: Of course
it’s your house, you do live here.
James: True.
John: Did you
even try, Benji?
Benji: I came
pretty close that last time.
Joe: This is
gonna take more work than we thought.
Benji: I can
handle this, I’ll win, trust me, with my cats on the line, I can reach
superhuman powers. Remember that time a
few months ago…
John
[interrupting]: We’ve only been here for a month.
Benji: Why do
you guys always interr…
Joe
[interrupting]: Force of habit.
Benji: Anyway,
one of my cats was trapped outside in traffic, and I had to fly to save him.
[flashback to a
few months ago
[Benji sees one of his cats outside
in the street]
Benji
[in slow motion]: Not Angie number one million seven hundred ninety-seven
thousand eight hundred twelve.
[he
leaps out the window into traffic, landing on a taxi, runs, gets the cat, and
leaps back onto the sidewalk, flat on his face]
end flashback]
Joe: That sounds
like fun, landing on taxis and such, I’m gonna have to try that. [he runs to
the window]
John: No! [he
dives, missing Joe]
Joe: I can fly.
[he runs into the wall]
James: Tough to
fly out of the brick wall.
Joe: I’ll get it
one of these days, just after I recover from this concussion.
COMMERCIAL
Scene Five:
“Only a Simulation”
Location: The Penthouse
Characters: The Guys, Benji
James: Hey
Benji, I bought this simulation down by Dayboqrx Arena, where they’re holding
the competition.
[he brings in a
box with a fake arm on it]
Benji: Doesn’t
look too tough.
James: It’s a
state-of-the-art arm wrestling trainer.
John: You went
all the way to University Heights for this?
James: Yeah…took
two hours, and I almost got mugged on the subway, but it’s quite the purchase.
John: They sell
those across the street. [points out the window to tons of the same simulators
on display]
James: Now you
tell me.
John: You said
you were going out for milk, I didn’t know you’d be traveling two hours to get
an arm wrestling simulator.
James: I do a
lot of things unexpectedly.
Joe: Me too.
John: When did
you get here Joe?
Joe: I just
arrived unexpectedly.
Benji: He’s been
here the whole time.
Joe: What???
LIES!!!
Benji; Where’s
Katie anyway?
John: We sent
her out to the mall so she wouldn’t bother our training with her strange “I’m
great” talk.
[Benji is easily
pushing the simulators arm down continuously]
Benji: Guys, I
don’t understand what all the cause for concern is, I’m beating this machine
quite easily, and I keep pressing the button for difficult mode. I’m gonna be getting my cat back in no time.
James: Benji,
the simulator isn’t on.
Benji: Yes it
is, and I’m whooping it.
James: See this
plug that isn’t in the wall? It’s not
on. Let me plug it in for you.
[ James plugs it
in and Benji’s arm goes down immediately…he struggles to pick it back up]
Benji: I think
this is breaking my hand.
James: BENJI!
Benji: WHAT?
James: It still
isn’t on.
Benji: Then how
am I losing so badly?
James: Because
you suck that badly.
Benji: Point
taken.
John: Let’s see
how this thing works, shall we.
Benji:
Okay. [he pulls his hand out with ease]
Joe: I thought
you were struggling before.
Benji: I was,
but the pain stopped.
Joe: Sure,
whatever.
John: Okay,
Benji, to run this thing, press the on button. [Benji presses a button] Stop pressing the difficult button, you’re
not ready yet.
Benji: Damn
straight I am…not.
James: That’s
better.
[long pause]
John: Benji, I
told you to press the on button.
Benji: Oh, I
thought you were just going off on tangents. [he presses the on button]
Simulator Voice:
Welcome to Arm Wrestle-o-matic, press the “continue” button to continue.
[Benji presses
the “difficult” button again]
Simulator Voice:
You have selected, DIFFICULT…match will begin in 3…2…1…GO.
[Benji’s arm is
knocked down immediately]
James: John,
when is this competition?
John: Tomorrow.
James: How many
matches do you think Benji will win?
John: Probably
none…one if he faces toothpick man.
Benji: I hate
that toothpick man SO MUCH!
[flashback
[Benji and Toothpick Man run into
each other on the street]
Benji: What the hell is your
problem?
Toothpick Man: Sorry, it was just an
accident.
Benji:
I’ll give you accident. [he pulls up his sleeves to fight, then calmly walks
away]
end flashback]
Benji: I will
have my rematch against toothpick man.
Joe: Tomorrow is
gonna be a very long day.
Scene Six:
“Shame is Losing to a 5’1”, 90 lb.
Opponent”
Location: Dayboqrx Arena; Annual Dayboqrx Arm Wrestling Contest
Characters: The Gang, Benji, Andrea, Announcer
Announcer:
Ladies and gentlemen welcome to the Tenth Annual Dayboqrx Arm Wrestling and
Sewing Contest Festival!
Benji: Sewing
contest?
John: You
probably don’t get as much money as in the arm wrestling competition.
Announcer: This
year, as a change of pace, the sewing contest is worth more money than the arm
wrestling competition.
Benji: Damn it,
I could’ve entered the sewing contest and made more money.
Katie: You suck
at sewing.
Benji: Do not,
remember the blanket I made for you for your birthday?
Katie: That was,
like, six days ago, of course I remember…unfortunately.
[flashback to
Katie’s birthday party, six days earlier
[Katie is reading a card]
Katie: Katie, let me touch you? Signed Benji?
Benji: I made it myself on a
printing press.
John: They have computers you know.
Benji: Here’s my gift. [he hands her
a ball of yarn]
Katie: It’s a ball of yarn,
apparently.
Benji: It’s a blanket…
Katie: No, it’s a ball of yarn.
Benji:
Fine, you may have to make it yourself, but trust me, it was hell getting that
ball of yarn away from my babies.
end flashback]
Benji: That was
a good blanket, you still have it?
Katie: It was a
BALL OF YARN!
Benji: Let’s not
resort to name calling.
Announcer:
Please report to the numbered table you were given upon registration and let us
begin the tournament.
Benji: Oh crap,
I don’t know what my table number is.
John: Seven,
table seven.
Benji: I don’t
like the number seven…I’m triskaidekaphobic.
James: That’s
fear of thirteen, not seven.
Benji: Here we
are, table seven. [he hides under the table]
Joe: Think
Benji’ll win this competition…you know, now that he’s hiding under the table
and all?
John: Not a
chance.
[Andrea
approaches the table]
Andrea: Hi guys!
[Everybody is
startled, especially Benji]
Benji: OH MY
GOD! [he bangs his head on the table]
John: Oh no.
James: Well, we
failed…at least he paid us a hundred dollars.
John: It’s one
hundred dollars per win.
James: Damn it.
[Benji is now
ready to face Andrea in the first match]
Announcer: This
shall be the first of fifty first round, round-robin competition, first to
knock their opponent down wins…ready, set, GO!
[Andrea knocks
Benji down immediately]
Andrea: Good
luck you guys…you’re gonna need it. [she skips away to the leader boards]
John: Well, that
was depressing.
Benji: Did I
win?
Scene Seven:
“Rematch From Hell”
Location: Dayboqrx Arena
Characters: The Gang, Benji, Toothpick Man, Announcer
Benji: How could
I lose the first match?
Katie: Because
you suck?
Benji: That’s
unfortunately, probably right…oh, how am I gonna get my cat back now?
John: Coming
back and winning this tournament?
Benji: I’LL DO
IT!
John: I was
joking, you have a snowball’s chance in hell of winning this.
Benji: So what
are those odds, like 2 to 1?
James: More like
infinity to 1.
Benji: Even
better.
Joe: No, no it
isn’t.
Benji: I’m
sorry, I also failed algebra.
Announcer: It is
time for the second competition. Report
to your second assigned table.
John: We’re at
table thirteen.
Benji: I love
that number…not like that evil number seven that made me lose, and then gave me
a headache.
Joe: I thought
you were triskaidekaphobic?
[Benji screams
and runs]
Joe: What, was
it the triskaidekaphobic remark?
[Toothpick man
approaches the table]
Toothpick Man:
Benji, it’s time to see who wins.
John: Who the
hell are you?
Toothpick Man:
My name is Martin, I’m Benji’s mortal enemy.
Benji: I knew
you would be here…that’s why I ran like a little girl.
Martin: It’s
time to get this epic battle underway to finally decide who is better, you or
me.
Benji: It’s STOP
TIME!
[long pause]
John: Don’t you
mean “go time?”
Benji: No, this
is most definitely stop time.
Announcer: And,
for the round one, second match matches…ready, set, GO!
Benji: Don’t you
mean stop?
Martin: For God
sakes, let’s just go.
[The two begin
struggling to move the others hand for a few long seconds]
John: At least
Benji has met his match.
Joe: I hope he
wins, then we may actually get paid for this.
[more
struggling]
James: It’s the
cream of the crap battling it out.
Martin: Shut up,
I heard that.
James: I meant
for you to hear it, I practically said it in your face.
Martin: I know,
but I resent it.
James: Good.
[Martin knocks
Benji down to win]
Joe: Damn it.
COMMERCIAL
Scene Eight:
“A Check on the Leaderboards”
Location: Dayboqrx Arena
Characters: The Gang, Benji, Andrea, Leaderboard Updater, Interviewer
Benji: I think I’ve got this thing in the bag.
John: You’ve fought in two matches, and lost both of them to probably the easiest competition in this whole competition.
James [reading the leaderboard]: Actually, from the looks of things, your first opponent is in first.
Joe: Toothpick Man?
James: No.
John: You mean Martin.
James: Still, no.
Katie: That robot?
James: No, what???
[a giant robot walks by]
John: Now I’ve seen everything.
Robot: SILENCE! [he, or should I say it, walks away]
James: Done guessing everyone?
Katie: No, I’ve got a few left…was it a moose?
[a moose walks by]
Joe: Stop suggesting things.
Katie: How about a rabid human eating gorilla?
[everyone but Katie hides under a table]
James: I meant Andrea.
[Andrea walks up to the leaderboard]
Andrea: I just won another match!
Leaderboard Updater: You’re on quite the winning streak, little lady.
Andrea: I’ve had a lot of practice. [she pushes the guy down and skips away]
Leaderboard Updater: Okay, that’s the seventeenth time I got pushed today, I don’t get it.
[Benji kicks him and walks away]
Leaderboard Updater: And that’s the thirtieth time I’ve been kicked…I guess there’s no respect for the leaderboard updater these days.
Benji: I also won eighty bazillion matches.
Leaderboard Updater: I don’t believe you.
[Benji kicks him again]
Leaderboard Updater: Thirty-one.
Announcer: Time for the next round of matches to begin.
John: Here we go Benji, it’s time to see you pull a comeback.
Benji: GO TEAM FELINES!!!
John: We’ll work on the name later.
[Benji enters an interview room]
Interviewer: So, what’s your strategy?
Benji: Well, when I arm wrestle, I take my hat, and I turn it around and wear it backwards, and it’s as if I become a different person. But then I realize I’m still the same person, and I don’t have a hat…so in actuality, I’m an insane person that likes to cry in the midst of his millions upon millions of cats.
[The music from “Over the Top” (Sammy Hagar, “Winner Takes it All”) begins playing as Benji is seen continually losing matches to his opponents:
Winner takes it all
Loser takes a fall
Fight to the beginning of the end
Winner takes it all
'Til he breaks the fall
In time he'll make it over the top]
[Benji walks away crying after his final match]
Benji: I thought I’d have a chance at winning.
Katie: It’s okay Benji, you did fine.
Benji: Are you kidding, I lost all forty matches.
Katie: It was fifty, but who’s counting?
Benji: You are, apparently.
Katie: Oh, thanks for noticing. [she smiles happily and Benji breaks down]
Scene Nine:
“The Grand Finale”
Location: Dayboqrx Arena
Characters: The Gang, Benji,
Announcer, Andrea, Martin
Announcer: And
now it’s time for our award giving!
[the crowd
cheers loudly]
Benji: Think
I’ll win the two thousand dollars?
John: What are
you talking about, you lost all fifty matches!
Benji: No, I
went 50-0, I’m a shoe in for the championship!
Katie: Are you
dyslexic or something.
Benji: On.
[The Gang looks
confused]
Joe: What?
James: Oh, I got
it, no backwards.
John: Very
perceptive there Einstein.
James: Thank
you, just call me James Einstein from now on.
Joe: No.
Benji: On what?
John: Stop it
Benji?
Benji: Pots?
James: We know
you’re not really dyslexic.
Benji: Fine…or
should I say enif?
Announcer: The
winner for the last place award, finishing 0-50 [he laughs] is Benji!
Benji [getting
up]: I WON, I WON, I WON, I WON, I WON, I WON, I WON!!!!!!!! [he sprints up to
the podium, falling into the announcer]
Benji: Sorry,
I’d like to thank, in the following order…[he pulls out an extremely large
piece of paper from his pocket]…Andy number one, Angie number one, Andy number
two, Angie number two, Andy number three…
John: Oh my God,
you’ve got to be kidding me.
Benji: …Angie
number five, Andy number six, Angie number six, Andy number seven, Angie number
seven…
James: This is
gonna take quite a while.
Katie: Don’t
they usually cut you off at a certain point?
Joe: I thought
so…and now I HOPE so.
Benji: …Andy
number ten, Angie number ten…[music begins playing and two bodyguards come up
on stage] …Andy number eleven…HEY, I’M NOT DONE YET!
Bodyguard 1: Oh
yes you are.
[The two
bodyguards grab Benji and throw him backstage]
John: And a good
time was had by all.
Benji [yelling
from backstage]: Angie number eleven, Andy number twelve…
Announcer: Time
to announce our winners.
Benji [yelling
over the Announcer’s voice]: ANGIE NUMBER THIRTEEN, ANDY NUMBER FOURTEEN, ANGIE
NUMBER FOURTEEN…
Announcer
[attempting to yell over Benji]: OUR THIRD PLACE WINNER IS MARTIN STEVENSON!
John: Toothpick
man?
[Toothpick Man
AKA Martin approaches the stage]
Martin: I’d like
to thank…
Benji: ANDY
NUMBER SIXTEEN, ANGIE NUMBER SIXTEEN…
[The music plays
and the guards approach Martin]
Martin: Hey, I’m
not done, Benji interrupted me!
[They grab
Martin and throw him backstage]
Announcer: I’m
just gonna cut to the chase, second is Steven Marshall, and first is Andrea
Kim.
Katie: Wow,
Andrea won?
John: It would
appear so.
[Benji runs back
on stage]
Benji: I forgot
to thank the following, in order…Andy number twenty, Angie number twenty…
Joe: WHAT ABOUT
US?
Benji: After I
get through all of the cats.
Scene Ten:
“Cat Calls”
Location: The Penthouse
Characters: The Gang, Benji
[Benji is
hunched over crying]
Benji: How am I
gonna get this money?
John: We can
always try to steal the cat back.
Benji: I was
talking about the entrance fee money for the arm wrestling contest…it’s free if
you win at least one match, and I…well……
Katie: Ouch, how
much is the fee?
Benji: One
hundred dollars.
Joe: Well that’s
okay, that’s the amount you would have paid us per win if you had won the one
match, so call it an even wash.
James: I wish he
would have won all fifty matches, he would have had to pay us fifty hundred
dollars.
John: You could
have said five thousand.
James: I like
taking the long way around.
Joe: Just like
that time we took that “long cut” home.
[flashback to
James driving a car, John in the passenger seat, Joe and Katie in the back, the
car is in the midst of the ocean
Joe: So will you admit we’re lost
yet?
James: Relax, I know exactly where
we are.
Katie: The middle of the ocean.
James: Very perceptive Katie.
John: Do you know how to get back?
James: What do I look like Poseidon?
John: That guy does. [he points to a
God-like man on a rock holding a trident]
Poseidon:
[gasp] People!!! [he rushes to pick up a sign that says “TOLL BOOTH”]
end flashback]
James: That was
good times.
Katie: Not for my
car it wasn’t.
James: It was my
car.
Katie: And I was
in it, therefore, MINE!
Benji: Hey guys,
back to me, I need to figure out how to get my cat back.
John: So you
need to find another method of raising two thousand dollars?
James: Ahem,
twenty hundred.
John: Stop it,
just stop it.
Katie: Hey, I
know how we can get two thousand dollars, there’s two thousand dollars given to
the winner of this arm wrestling contest I was reading about.
James: We know
about that, Benji already lost miserably.
Benji: I wouldn’t
say miserably…more like, horrifically.
James: That’s no
better.
Katie: Then why
does it say “Competition Tomorrow”?
Explain that one!
James: That’s
yesterdays paper.
Katie: I knew
that, I know everything.
Benji: I’ve got
an idea for how I can get my cat back…it will take some…umm…MAGIC, yeah, that’s
it, magic.
John: Benji, no
offense…
Benji: None
taken.
John: I didn’t
finish yet.
Benji: I just
feel like saying that now before you say the thing, and I take offense.
John: Okay, no
offense, but I wouldn’t trust you to do any kind of magic.
Benji [taking
offense]: How dare you make that statement of fact!
John: See what I
mean?
Benji: I do not,
it’s time to take my magical broom and be done with you people. High-O Silver, AWAY!!! [he runs out the door
on a broom and the sounds of someone falling down the stairs is heard]
Katie: He’ll be
fine, it’s just a flesh wound.
COMMERCIAL
Scene Eleven:
”Back in Loving Arms”
Location: Benji’s Penthouse
Characters: The Gang, Benji
[Benji is
holding his cat in his arms as he sits in a rocking chair]
John: Good to
see you got your cat back, how’d you do it?
Benji: Questions
are for the dying.
Joe: Excuse me?
Benji: I don’t
know what that was supposed to mean, I meant to say “never you mind.”
James: Because
“never you mind” and “questions are for the dying” are so similar that it’s
very easy to confuse the two.
Benji: Exactly,
nap time. [he abruptly falls asleep with the cat in his arms]
Katie [yelling
in Benji’s ear]: BENJI!
[Benji,
startled, throws the cat out the window]
Benji: Now look
what you did…now he’s outside…that’s like, anti-inside.
John: Just get
him back the way you got him back before.
Benji: Time to
resort to magic again. [he picks up the broom and walks out]
Katie: That’s my
broom, I’d better get that back!
A note from the "Don't sue us files," as we attempt to give credit where credit is due: Yes, the plot of this episode mirrors the 1987 movie "Over the Top", which was filmed at Warner Studios, rated PG...and that's about all the technical information I could find on it.