Bruces' Philosophers Song

From Monty Python's Matching Tie and Handkerchief.
By Eric Idle.
Sung by The Pythons.


Immanuel Kant was a real piss-ant
who was very rarely stable
Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar
who could think you under the table
David Hume could out-consume
Wilhelm Froederich Hegel
And Wittgenstein was a beery swine
who was just as sloshed as Schlegel.

There's nothing Nieizsche couldn't teach ya
'bout the raising of the wrist
Socrates, himself, was permanently pissed.




John Stewart Mill, of his own free will
on half a pint of shanty was particularly ill
Plato, they say, could stick it away
'alf a crate of whiskey every day
Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle
Hobbes was fond of his dram
And Rene Descartes was a drunken fart:
"I drink, therefore I am."

Yes, Socrates himself is particularly missed
A lovely little thinker, but a bugger when he's pissed!