October 2002

    "What do you think of having candy out for the kids on Halloween?  We could get a couple bags of those assorted bite size candy bars or something.  I know we have some big bowls around here, and it might be fun to, you know, see all the little kids in their Superman costumes and princess dresses.  There might even be vampires.  I think they look cute wearing the white makeup and the widow’s peak and the fake blood.  And it’s always nice to hear dozens of tiny people say ‘thank you.’  I think it might be kinda fun to decorate, but not too scary.  I don’t want to make any kids cry.  I hate when kids cry.  Makes me uncomfortable watching them sniffle, and they always stare at you like you’ve just kicked their favorite puppy or something.  So…what do you think?"
    Cordelia shifted in Angel’s arms until she was lying on her stomach next to him, head resting on his shoulder, one arm draped over his chest.  He fixed his gaze on her beautiful face.  Her eyes were slightly puffy from sleep and tears, and her hair was mussed from the vision seizures and the long nap with Angel, but she was still beautiful.
    "I think you’re the most adorable, cuddly vampire I’ve ever met," she said, mouth hooked in a half smile.
    Angel grinned at her.
    "So I should buy candy?"
    "Yeah.  Make sure you don’t get anything with peanuts.  I hate peanuts," she said.
    "Okay.  No peanuts, got it."
    Angel noticed Cordelia looking strangely at him.  She looked sad and happy at the same time.
    "What?" he whispered.
    "Nothing…" Her voice faded.  She shifted again until her face was close to Angel’s.
     "What?" he pressed gently, and concern was rising subtly in his tone.
    Cordelia smiled, her eyes softly shining.  Much to Angel’s surprise, she leaned forward and kissed him lightly, chastely, on the mouth.
    "I just…I love you," she said, repositioning her head on Angel’s shoulder.  "I love you, Angel."
    Angel kissed the top of her head.
    "I love you, Cordy."
    "We’re best friends, huh?" she said softly, her breath warm on his shoulder.
    "Yeah."
    "Best friends forever?" she asked playfully.
    "Of course."
    "Best friends tell each other things, right?" she inquired pointedly.
    "Uh huh," Angel replied, unsure of where Cordelia was going with this.
    "So when are you gonna tell me what’s up with you and the current blonde in your life?" Her tone was too light, too careless.
    "Nothing’s ‘up’ with me and Kate!" Angel said laughingly.
    "Does she know that?"
    "What?  I don’t know.  I hardly ever know what she’s thinking."
    "Usually, neither do I.  She’s got the cryptic thing down to a science.  However, it’s pretty obvious to me that something’s ‘up’ with her."
    "Cordy, that’s…we’re just friends!" Angel insisted, the laughter still edging his voice.
    She sat up and stared at him, one eyebrow raised.
    "Really, Angel?  Really?  I would advise against lying to me because I know you.  I know when you’re not telling me the whole truth, and right now, you’re not telling me the whole truth.  So spill." She folded her arms across her chest, praying Angel wouldn’t realize she was bluffing.
    His smile faded.  He propped himself up so that he was leaning against the large headboard of his bed.  He got a very serious look on his face, and Cordelia’s heart sank.  She’d been hoping he would protest longer, that he would insist that he and Kate were just good friends and nothing more, but it looked like there really was something he hadn’t told her.
    "I’m not really sure," he said after a long period of silence.  He averted his gaze from her face.  "I’m not sure what’s going on between us."
    "Oh." She tried to sound casual, but didn’t succeed as well as she’d intended to.
    "That’s the truth, Cordelia," he said, looking up at her.
    "I believe you," Cordelia said, and she really did believe him.  She looked at a wall and cleared her throat.  "Um, I’m gonna go fix my hair before I go home.  Thanks for napping with me.  It means a lot."
    "You’re welcome," he said, watching her back as she left the room.
    Angel closed his eyes and sighed.  He wanted more than anything to tell her what else he wasn’t sure about.  He wondered how she would react if he told her he had to suppress the urge to tremble when she kissed him.  He wished she knew how many times he’d felt those strange aches in his stomach when she looked at him.
    It was true that he wasn’t sure how he felt about Kate.  It was true he wasn’t sure how Kate felt about him, but Kate never gave him stomachaches.
    Angel put his head in his hands, mind in turmoil with thoughts of Cordelia, thoughts of Kate, thoughts of Wesley, thoughts of Fred, and anguished thoughts of Gunn.  Then he remembered that Lindsey had forced Wolfram & Hart’s hand with a little blackmail and that he would be seeing Lilah Morgan in court the next month, and his thoughts really went crazy.
 

    "Wesley."
    "Fred?  Did you need something?"
    "I…it’s a month today."
    "Yes.  Yes, I know."
    "I miss him." Fred’s voice wavered fiercely.
    "So do I," Wesley whispered, rising from his chair and taking Fred in his arms.  "So do I."
    "We have to win," she murmured into his chest.
    "No," said Wesley calmly.  "We have to destroy the bastards."