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The Trouble with Decisions
Lucy stood in the gift shop as the clerks words rang throughout her
mind. She remained frozen in place thinking over her choices. She just
wasn't sure anymore at this point in time. Her mind had become so jumbled
lately that she knew she couldn't just make a decision at the spur of the
moment.
"Paper or plastic?" the clerk repeated in confusion noticing the expression
on Lucy's face. "Are you alright?"
"I just don't know." Lucy cried out in frustration looking at both bags
the clerk held in each hand. "On the one hand paper is so traditional and
it's something that I'm used to. It's in my comfort zone, but then again
there's plastic and it's so bad for the environment, yet it's supposed
to be more durable, yet it does always have a habit of breaking doesn't
it?"
"Excuse me?" the clerk questioned in confusion.
"I guess I'll take paper." Lucy sighed as the clerk began to pack the
presents she bought for Serena. "Wait! On second thought I'll take plastic."
"Alright," the clerk replied taking the packages out of the paper bag
and reloading them into a plastic bag.
"Wait I changed my mind!" Lucy called out watching him load the things
into the bag. "I want paper, no plastic, no I definitely want paper..........I
mean plastic......oh I can't decide."
"How about I just put one package in each type of bag?" the clerk suggested
eyeing Lucy strangely.
"Well, okay I guess that would work." Lucy agreed with a half smile
as the clerk rolled his eyes and handed her the bags.
"It's twenty-two fifty." the clerk explained ringing up her bill.
"Okay," Lucy nodded reaching into her purse and pulling out her wallet.
"Now how will you be paying for this? Cash or charge?" the clerk asked
waiting to push a button on the register.
"I'll be paying with........." Lucy trailed off holding her charge card
in one hand and a couple of bills in the other. She looked into each hand
suddenly feeling overwhelmed as she glanced at the clerk. "I guess that
I hadn't thought of it."
"I'll take cash then." the clerk replied snatching the bills up from
her hand before she could say another word.
The clerk finished ringing up Lucy's bill and returned her change to
her before she had a chance to think about what she was doing. As she stepped
into the hallway of GH, she wondered why everything had suddenly become
so complicated for her lately. She hadn't ever had any trouble with shopping
in the past. Spending money and making choices had never been a problem
for her, but that was when she was the old Lucy. Now she wasn't sure of
much of anything these days.
"What's wrong with you?" she asked herself silently as she walked down
the hall eager to see Serena again after her surgery.
She walked down the hall in a daze as she thought of everything that
had happened in the past few months and how it had changed everything for
her. She was so deep in thought that she hadn't paid any attention to where
she was going when she walked into the person in front of her.
"I'm sorry." Lucy blurted out dropping her bags.
"Hey you, long time no see." Ellen responded realizing that it was Lucy
who had bumped into her. "How are you Lucy?"
"You know Ellen, to be honest with you, I just don't know these days."
Lucy confessed sadly thinking about everything.
"I heard Serena's surgery was a success." Ellen responded helping Lucy
pick up the bags as she noticed a teddy bear inside one of the bags. "You
must be thrilled."
"I am Ellen. I truly am.........in fact it's one of the most wonderful
things that ever could've happened for all of us. She's such an angel and
it's so good to see her back to normal again." Lucy rambled on thinking
about Serena for a moment before slipping back into her confused state.
"You know normally I would be so excited about Serena's surgery being a
success, but above my happiness it feels like something is missing. It
should be the greatest most wonderful day in my life, but it feels so empty.
My life is just so jumbled up lately."
"You look like you could use a friend right now." Ellen deducted watching
sadness cloud over Lucy's face. "Want to talk about it?"
"Oh Ellen," Lucy began with tears in her eyes, "it was horrible. I just
couldn't decide. There I was faced with the decision of paper or plastic,
but I couldn't choose."
"Paper or plastic?" Ellen repeated in confusion.
"Well, it was such a tough choice." Lucy continued letting all of her
emotions out as she spoke. "I mean how can I be expected to make a difficult
decision like that when I love them both so much? It just isn't fair. Why
would a girl have to go through this when they're both so wonderful?"
"Lucy, I never knew shopping was so traumatic for you. In fact, I thought
you'd be the last person to get this worked up about shopping." Ellen responded
giving Lucy a hug as Lucy broke into tears. "Really, it can't be that bad."
"Oh Ellen, this is about more than shopping." Lucy began in between
sniffles as she looked at her friend. "I made a huge mistake and I don't
think there is any way for me to make up for what I've done. I'm a horrible
person."
"I'd hardly call being a shopping addict something to get this worked
up about. Lucy, lots of people shop impulsively, well not many that I know,
but I'm sure they're out there."
"Ellen, you don't understand. This isn't about shopping at all." Lucy
explained in frustration as Ellen pulled Lucy into her office. "Ellen,
I slept with Scott Baldwin."
"You did what?" Ellen questioned in confusion eyeing Lucy closely as
she began to sob. "For a minute there I thought you just said that you
slept with Scott Baldwin."
"I did Ellen." Lucy continued as her makeup began to run down her face.
"You see we went to go look for Kevin and Eve, but then we were kidnapped
by these terrible smugglers, handcuffed together, there were snakes and
alligators and the hurricanes........."
"Hold on a second Lucy. Are you trying to tell me that you and Scott
were involved with all of this on your search for Kevin and Eve?" Ellen
questioned handing her a kleenex.
"Ellen, you can't imagine how horrible it was. I thought that I was
going to die and that I'd never see Kevin again." Lucy continued rehashing
the details of her trip to Florida. "In the middle of the hurricane Scott
and I found this mansion to take refuge from the storm and............."
"You made love." Ellen finished noticing how devastated Lucy was.
"Yes, and it was incredible." Lucy admitted feeling shame as the words
escaped her mouth. "It was magic Ellen. It was almost as if in that second
all that I was feeling and holding back came to surface and all that mattered
was that moment in time with Scott. Being so close to him brought back
so many memories that I thought I'd lost all those years ago."
"You still love him?" Ellen questioned taking a seat.
"No, yes, I mean I don't know." Lucy explained in frustration. "Ellen,
it was just that everything we went through down there was so emotionally
intense that neither one of us was thinking straight. I tried to dismiss
what had happened once we were rescued and taken to the hotel, but......."
"You couldn't do that." Ellen finished handing Lucy another kleenex.
"Oh Ellen, we made love again, but........" Lucy began sobbing harder
than before.
"But what Lucy?" Ellen questioned leaning closer to her.
".......but Kevin walked in and found us together." Lucy finished looking
up at Ellen with red eyes. "He saw me in bed with Scott and he was crushed.
He was so angry with me and I can't say that I don't blame him. If the
situation was reversed, then I don't know what I would've done."
"Oh my God. Poor Kevin." Ellen gasped thinking about the inner turmoil
her friend must be going through.
"Ellen, he was so upset and I tried to explain to him how much I loved
him, but I hurt him so bad." Lucy sobbed in agony as Ellen remained motionless.
"I need him so much Ellen and I love him with all of my heart. I need to
get him back."
"What about your feelings for Scott?" Ellen questioned in confusion.
"Scott is my pal." Lucy insisted clenching her fists. "Kevin has my
heart and I love him."
"But you made love to Scott, Lucy. Obviously there's something there
between the two of you that you've been trying to deny for a long time."
Ellen explained feeling bad for all the people involved in the situation.
"Ellen, I care about Scott.........heck, part of me will always love
him, but I'm supposed to be with Kevin. Things weren't supposed to be like
this." Lucy insisted shaking her head. "It wasn't supposed to be this hard.
I was supposed to be married to Kevin and working on our future together."
"Lucy, maybe you need to get away for a while. You know take some time
to get your feelings together about Scott and Kevin." Ellen suggested realizing
that her friend was in a difficult situation. "Maybe you should just think
before you make any decisions. You need to come to terms about your feelings
for Scott before you can go leaping in Kevin's direction."
"You're right Ellen." Lucy agreed shaking her head as she tried to regain
her composure. "Right now I need to concentrate on Serena getting her eyesight
back and put myself first. I need to discover what's right for me."
"That's right." Ellen agreed watching Lucy stand up straighter.
"Thank you for this talk Ellen. I needed this so much." Lucy continued
giving Ellen a hug as she forced a smile. "You can always see through my
problems and it's been so long since I've had a friend who I could talk
to like this."
"Hey, I've never had a friend quite like you Lucy Coe, and I must say
one is enough." Ellen teased with a laugh. "But I must admit that I wouldn't
want to give up our friendship for the world."
"Thanks Ellen." Lucy grinned heading towards the door eager to give
Serena her presents. "I needed this."
"Goodbye Lucy." Ellen smiled as she opened the door for her.
"Oh and one more thing." Lucy spoke up turning to face her again. "When
I get my life together again, then I can thank you for helping me put it
together again."
"No thanks are necessary." Ellen explained with a wave as her pager
went off. "I'd better return this page."
"Okay, I'll go to Serena now." Lucy replied walking out into the hall
as Ellen noticed the small teddy bear on the floor. She picked it up and
hurried to catch up to Lucy only to find her a couple feet from the door
laying down on the cold marble ground.
"Lucy!" Ellen cried out rushing over to Lucy's side and checking for
a pulse. "Oh God no!"
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