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Chapter 73
Pain woke Lucy, and she shifted her body. When she did, Kevin tightened his grip on her and she realized that his arm was draped over her. The pain was from the fact that in his sleep, he’d reached around her and cupped her very tender, very full breast in his hand. From the way she felt, she knew she had a little while before the girls would wake, so she moved his hand down to her ribs and pushed her back against his chest. His grip tightened, and his hand started to move back up. Smiling to herself, Lucy took his hand and held it. The warm, safe feeling that came with being in his arms brought back a lot of memories that made her smile. One of her legs was trapped under his, but she brought the other one up and over his. Sighing in his sleep, he snuggled closer and all but enveloped her body with his own. Still holding his hand, she closed her eyes and relaxed against him. It wasn’t ten minutes later she heard one of the girls begin to make those familiar noises that preceded a very hungry cry. Unwilling to give up the feeling of being in his arms, Lucy silently pleaded with her daughter to give her five more minutes. But in only a couple of minutes, the other baby joined in. With a sharp breath, Kevin mumbled. “What’s wrong?” “Nothing. They just woke up.” She whispered and snuggled against him. “Oh.” Not really waking up, Kevin moved his hand up to her breast again. She tried to stop him gently, but her position was awkward and her own wrist brushed up against her. Gritting her teeth, she hissed softly in pain. “What?” Fully awake, Kevin tried to pull away, but she held his arm. “Nothing. I’m sore, remember?” Holding his hand tighter, she pulled him back against her. “Don’t move. This feels good.” “It sure does.” Kissing the side of her head softly, he snuggled close to her. “I would say this moment is absolutely perfect.” “Yep.” Making a decision, Kevin lifted his head next to hers. “I want to spend the rest of my life waking up just like this. With you in my arms and our daughters waiting for us to take care of them.” He kissed her again. “I love you, Lucy.” Tears came to her eyes, and she took a shuddering breath before answering him. “I love you, too.” Moving just enough to slide his free hand up between them, Kevin pushed her hair off her neck and kissed her gently. Smiling, Lucy tilted her head to further expose herself to him and he trailed his lips along her skin, kissing every inch of her neck softly. Giving him a second to move back, Lucy rolled over and looked up at his face. Her hand traced his features and he kissed her fingers. When her eyes met his, he smiled and leaned over her. Being careful to not press on her, he finally kissed her lips. The feel of his lips on hers sent shivers up her spine and she gripped his hair. At first he softly opened his mouth over hers, but as soon as she responded to him, he slid his tongue between her lips and kissed her from his soul. Every muscle in her body tensed and she clung to him as she tasted him, wanting him to feel what was going through her. Shifting her body, she rolled over on her side so she could face him. They held each other’s faces gently and continued to kiss. Kevin put his hand on her waist and pulled her against him gently. Moving against him, Lucy wrapped her leg over his hip and felt the familiar craving to have him inside her. His hand slid down and cupped her rear, holding her tightly. “Doc…” Breathless, Lucy kissed his neck. “Lucy…” Pulling a bit away from her, he stared in her eyes. “I want you.” She bit her lip. “I know. I want you, too.” He kissed her once, softly. “We can’t. Not yet.” “I know. Not yet.” She sighed. “I’m sorry.” “Don’t be sorry.” He smiled at her. “You want me as badly as I want you. That means everything to me, Lucy.” Touching her face, he leaned closer. “Until I can actually make love to you.” Returning his smile, she kissed him. The soft noises from the cribs grew in volume as they held each other and kissed. “They’re going to have to eat.” Kevin whispered to her lips. “You think?” “Um….. yeah.” Laughing he moved away from her and looked down. When she realized that the front of his pajama top was all wet, she laughed. “Sorry.” Laughing harder, he kissed her once more quickly before moving away from her. “Say sorry to them. It’s past breakfast time for them.” Taking off his shirt, he reached into the crib and lifted Victoria up into his arms. For a moment, he smiled at the baby and talked to her. Watching his back as he played with their daughter, Lucy smiled and sighed to herself. When Marissa began to cry, Kevin handed Victoria to Lucy and picked Marissa up to comfort her. “I’ll see if she’ll take a bottle.” “Okay. I think Victoria will nurse if I give her a minute.” Stopping at the door, he turned back to her. “You
want me to warm up some of those cabbage leaves Mary brought you?”
“But do they help?” He looked at her. “Yes.” She sighed at him. “I’ll even let you put them on if you do it gently.” Laughing, Kevin shook his head. “Pass.” “COWARD!” Lucy yelled as he disappeared out of the bedroom.
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Before Scott could knock on the lighthouse door, Kevin opened it. “What’s up?”
“We knew that was coming. Now we have to have you have the same DNA test.” “And then?” “Well, that test shows the same results for you, right?” “Yeah. But I’m sure Ryan will push for an RFLP.” “THAT’S the one we need to avoid, right?” Nodding, Kevin sighed. “That’s the one that can tell the difference.” “Well, at least this will buy us some time. When
can Lucy take them for the test?”
“He has rights, doesn’t he.” He didn’t want to hear Scott’s answer, but he had to. “Yeah. I mean, there are cases on both sides that I need to review, but it’s not looking good. The lawyer he’s got is good. He’s big into getting convicts parental rights. Everything from drug dealers to murderers.” “Great. Ryan’s right in his class.” Kevin sighed. “We need to tell her, Scott. I know it’s the last thing she wants to hear, but she needs to have a realistic view of what we’re up against.” “How is she?” “If you can hang out for a while, you can see her. They’ve all three been asleep for a couple hours, so I’m guessing they’ll wake up shortly.” “Is it normal for her to sleep so much? I mean, is she suddenly catching up for all the years she NEVER slept?” Laughing, Kevin shook his head. “She should be more awake in the next couple days. Her iron count was low. Mary’s bringing her some iron pills when she comes by tonight. It should help.” Kevin stopped and looked at Scott. “She wants to go see Ryan.” “She WHAT?” “She wants to see him. She has this idea in her head that trying to keep things civil with him is the way to go.” “Are you sure that her iron count isn’t effecting her brain? I mean, she KNOWS what he is!” Scott shook his head. “I guess I don’t have to tell you that I feel the same way about it you do. The question is, how do we convince her that it’s a really bad idea?” “Let’s see, Lucy has a hairbrained scheme hatching in her head, and you want ME to try to talk her out of it?” Smiling at him, Scott shrugged. “Yeah, sure. I’ll talk her out of it. Then I’ll just fly on up to the South Pole and tell Santa that all we want for Christmas is world peace.” “I’m serious, Scott.”
“Yeah, well, I’d even listen to one of YOUR hairbrained schemes at this point to stop her.” “If I come up with any, I’ll let you know.” He was quiet for a moment. “Think she’ll be up to Serena coming over? She’s making me nuts to come see the girls.” “Definitely. Bring her by anytime. Lucy would love it as much as Serena would.” Kevin smiled. “Come on in.” When they entered the house, the sound of crying brought both men to the bedroom. Both girls were crying, and Lucy was standing between the cribs, crying as hard as they were. Kevin crossed the room and took Lucy’s shoulders. “What’s wrong?” Lucy didn’t answer except to shrug. Watching her for a moment, Scott leaned over and picked up one of the girls. “Let’s try to cut down on the noise a little.” It only took him a few seconds to take her out to the bassinettes and come back for the second one. As he picked up the second one, he looked at Lucy. As he passed Kevin, he shrugged. “She’s freaking. She’ll be fine.” Kevin glared at Scott, but wrapped his arms around Lucy and held her against him. “What happened?” He whispered in her ear. After a moment, Lucy nodded. “He’s right. I’m freaking.” “Why?” “I don’t know.” She continued to cry. “One started crying, then the other started crying, then.. I don’t know. I couldn’t help it. I started crying. Then I couldn’t stop.” Kevin held her for a few more minutes until her crying slowed. Finally she leaned her head back against his shoulder and forced herself to take a few deep breaths. “I don’t get it. I’m fine, and then all of a sudden I completely freak out and I can’t stop crying.” “It’s normal.-“
“You ready to go rescue Scott?” One more deep breath and she nodded. “Yep.” When they reached the living room, they stopped at stared. Scott was holding one baby while he kneeled beside the bassinette that held the other one. They were fussing, but Scott was managing to keep them both from really crying. Smiling, Kevin turned to Lucy and realized that Scott was a better choice for a godfather then he’d wanted to admit when she’d said it. Crossing the room, Lucy stood behind Scott. “Ready for some help?” “I guess that depends on if you’re going to freak out again.” He was laughing. “Not at the moment.” Answering him, she reached for the baby he was holding. When she freed his hands, Scott reached down and picked the other one up, cuddling her in his arms. “I’ll go get a bottle for her.” Kevin headed for the kitchen while Lucy sat on the sofa with Victoria and held her. “Which one am I holding?” Scott knew that Lucy could tell them apart without even looking. “Marissa.” As Lucy unbuttoned her shirt to nurse Victoria, Scott moved to the window with Marissa. “You know, you’re going to take half the fun out of being twins.” “Why’s that?” Victoria wasn’t ready to cooperate, but Lucy patiently coerced her. “Because every time Victoria says she’s Marissa, YOU’RE going to know better.” Lucy laughed softly. “You’re right. I will.” Turning, Scott looked at Lucy. The look on Lucy’s face while she nursed her daughter stopped him. Slowly, he walked around the sofa to sit beside her. Finally Lucy looked up at him. The way he was almost studying her made her self-conscious. “What?” “You.” Unable to stop himself, Scott reached out
with his free hand and touched the side of her head. “I’ve known you a
lot of years.”
He laughed. “I’m not going to say how many.” Growing serious again, he moved his hand to her face and stared into her eyes. “I’ve never seen you look happier.” Smiling, Lucy looked at each of the girls before looking back at Scott. “I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy.” “It shows.” Marissa wiggled in his arms and he pulled his hand back to pat her gently. Exiting the kitchen with a bottle, Kevin crossed the room. “I’ll assume you remember how to do this.” “I don’t know, it’s been a while.” Laughing, Scott shifted Marissa and gave her the bottle. At first, she wanted no part of it and Scott laughed. “We know she comes by her stubborn streak naturally.” He tried for a few more seconds before he was finally rewarded by Marissa putting her hands against the bottle and eating hungrily. Victoria started to spit a bit and Lucy grabbed a cloth before transferring the baby to her shoulder. Watching Scott for a few more minutes, Lucy finally
spoke. “How long did Serena stay on a bottle?”
Blinking back a few tears, Lucy shook her head. “It’s okay. I mean, it hurts that I missed so much of her life, but I want to know.” Victoria burped and spit up a bit. Moving her to her lap, Lucy wiped her face and held her in a sitting position. “And I’m not going to miss one minute of that time with them.” Victoria looked at her and she raised the tone of her voice a bit to keep her attention. “That’s right. Momma’s not going to miss one minute.” Inhaling sharply, Lucy made sure to keep her tone at the same level. “Doc, she’s smiling! Look at her!” Jumping to his feet, Kevin moved to stand behind her. “That’s right. She’s smiling.” Lucy continued to talk to Victoria and Kevin smiled as he watched. Shifting Marissa to his shoulder, Scott watched the utter joy on Kevin and Lucy’s faces and felt a pang of regret run through his body. So many wonderful moments in Serena’s life that he could have shared with Lucy that he didn’t. Finally, Victoria had enough smiling, and began to fuss a bit. Reaching over Lucy, Kevin took her and began to walk the floor with her. Scott handed Marissa to Lucy and looked at her. “Neither one of you are going to miss one of these moment, Lucy. No matter what happens, there’s nothing Ryan can do to make either one of you miss one second of their lives. And this is what it’s all about.” He touched Marissa’s head as Lucy held her. Tears filled Lucy’s eyes and all she could do was nod. “Come on, stop it. She won’t smile at you if you’re crying.” That made her cry harder, and Scott slid closer to her. “Don’t go freaking out on me, here, Luce.” Putting one hand on Marissa, Scott wrapped his other arm around her shoulders. She leaned against him and continued to cry. Watching them, Kevin put Victoria in her bassinette and took Marissa from them. As soon as his other arm was free, Scott took her hand and squeezed it. “Lucy, you’re freaking on me, here, and I don’t know what to do about it.” “I know. I can’t stop.” She shrugged. Looking over her at Kevin, Scott shrugged. “Can they give her something for this? I mean, it’s her hormones, right?” Kevin nodded, but Lucy pulled away from him. “STOP SAYING THAT!” Jerking her hand away from him, she slapped his arm. “You…. You…… MEN keep saying that like it’s a cold! It’s NOT!” As Scott pulled away from her, she hit him again. “It’s like patting me on the head and sending me to my room! I hate it!” As Scott raised his arms to protect himself, he was laughing, which made her even angrier. “You think you’re so smart! You have NO idea what it’s like to be hot, then cold, happy, then crying!” Still deflecting her blows, Scott looked at Kevin. “You know, you could help me out, here.” “And be YOUR human sacrifice? I don’t think so.” Amused, Kevin watched as she continued to assault Scott. “Watch it-“ Lucy landed a slap on his chest that made Kevin wince. “That sounded painful.” “It was. But she’s wearing herself out.” Scott waited as she slapped his arm a couple more times before she sighed. “I feel better now.” “All done?” Scott looked at her. “For the moment.” She glared at him again. Then she winced and held her hands to her breasts. “That hurt.” “Hurt me more.” Scott rubbed his chest where she’d smacked him. “Good.” She turned to Kevin. “I feel okay now.” “Good to hear.” Kevin smiled at her. “Scott, you
going to live?”
Reaching for her nose, Scott grabbed her playfully. “You know, you’re cute when you’re trying to beat me senseless.” Glaring at him for a second, Lucy lost the battle and smiled at him. “What say you come over a couple times a day, say, for stress relief?” “What say I come over in the morning and bring Serena?” “You mean it? Really?” Grabbing his arm, she jerked him closer to her. “Can she spend the day with me?” Scott realized that Lucy was almost asking permission to see her daughter, and he suddenly decided that it was time to do something about that. “Really. She can stay as long as you’re up to having her.” Victoria grew tired of being alone in the bassinette and started to make noise. Moving to her, Lucy picked her up and walked towards Kevin. “They’re starting to stay awake for a while after they’re done eating.” Standing, Scott watched them for a few minutes. “I’ve got to get going.” “You’re going to be back in the morning with Serena, right?” Moving to her, Scott hugged her gently. “I’ll even bring chocolate donuts.” He waved to Kevin before he left. Turning to Kevin, Lucy smiled. “We have about twenty minutes before they’re ready to go back to sleep.”
“Are you sure this is the right thing to do?” Mary watched as Victor clenched the wheel in his hands. “I need to tell Kevin about what Ryan said. I don’t know if it will help, but he needs all the information he can get.” “I don’t think it’s a good idea to hit Lucy with this. She’s jumpy enough.” Shaking his head, Victor sighed. “I agree with you on that. But Kevin needs to know what’s running through Ryan’s head. He might be able to make more sense out of it than I can. He’s had more contact with Ryan than I have.” A car passed them going the other way and Victor’s head turned to catch a better look. “What?” Mary watched him. “That was Scott. I hope he had some good news for them.” “He might not have, Victor. This might not be the best time to spring this on them.” Mary shook her head. “I wish I knew what to say, but I only saw Ryan when he was working at GH. I mean, I heard all about what he did, but I never saw anything but the upstanding Pediatrician.” “He hid what he was well, for a time.” Victor thought about Ryan’s words about not pretending to be something he wasn’t. As he parked the car, Mary looked at him. “Don’t say anything until you find out what Scott’s had to say. It might be irrelevant.” “I promise.” Knocking on the front door a couple times, Mary entered the living room. It was empty, but the French doors were open and she moved to them. She stopped, and waved for Victor to join her. Spread out on the patio furniture cushions, Lucy and Kevin were on the floor of the deck holding the girls. Sigmund was between them, and the girls seemed fascinated by the sight of the much larger duck in front of them. Turning, Lucy spotted them and waved. “We thought it was time to bring them outside.” Sigmund quacked loudly, startling both of them and making them cry. Laughing, Lucy and Kevin tried to soothe them. The sound of them crying only made Sigmund quack again, and Lucy reached for the duck, trying to quiet him. Moving to sit beside her on the ground, Victor reached for the baby in her arms so Lucy could pull the duck into her lap. “He’s jealous.” Lucy stroked the duck softly and nuzzled his neck a bit. He responded to her and settled down in her arms. Reaching over next to him, Kevin picked up a stray leaf that had blown onto the deck and held it in front of Marissa. The little girl’s eyes tracked it as he moved it back and forth. When he put it in front of her reach, she moved her arm towards it and brushed her fist against it. Opening her fist, she clenched it around the leaf and crushed it. As Kevin laughed softly, she moved her fist towards her mouth. “No.” Keeping his voice soft, he took her hand and cleared the leaf from it. “No, Marissa. That’s NOT good to eat.” “Good luck with that word, Doc.” Lucy smiled at him. “It’s not a word I ever learned.” “I noticed.” He returned her smile and shrugged. “To be honest, there are times I’ve been very glad of that.” Marissa began to cry and kick her feet. “Doesn’t look like you’re going to have good luck teaching her that word, either.” Mary laughed at Marissa’s temper. Grabbing her feet gently, Kevin tried to distract Marissa. The less he was in control of the situation, the more Lucy, Victor, and Mary laughed. He looked so pathetic when he looked at Lucy that she laughed harder. “Uh-uh. No way, Doc. I’M the only one allowed to freak out. I’M the HORMONAL one, remember?” Her tone was sweet, but her smile was wicked as she watched him. “It’s time for a change and a bath.” His tone sounded firm, but he was still losing the battle to make her stop crying. “I guess it’s time to bail Daddy out.” Still laughing, Mary reached down and took Marissa from him. Instantly she stopped crying, which made them all laugh harder. Actually pouting, Kevin looked at Lucy, who shrugged. “It’s an art. You’ll get it.” Standing, Kevin waited for Lucy to move Sigmund out of her lap before gently pulling her to her feet. “I’ll watch and take notes.” “Spoken like a true scholar.” Kissing him once, softly, Lucy turned and took Victoria out of Victor’s arms. “Come on. He might not have the magic touch, but he’s right. Time for a bath and a fresh diaper.” As Mary and Lucy went inside, Victor stood and faced Kevin. “Looks to me like you’re making progress with her.” Smiling, Kevin nodded. “We’re getting there. The hardest part for her is to realize that my feelings for her aren’t completely tied to how I feel about them.” “She’ll get there. She loves you.” Victor stared at him. “She always has, Monk.” Sighing, Kevin turned and leaned on the rail. “How did I miss that? We were so connected once, and for so long I…… I had no idea how she felt. It took RYAN to show me.” He said the name like it was poison. “And she had to pay for it. Maybe now for the rest of her life.” “Actually, I need to talk to you about Ryan.” Victor began with the moment he picked up the phone and told Kevin about the entire conversation.
“Looks to me like the two of you are getting along better then very well.” Mary smiled knowingly at Lucy. “In case you haven’t noticed, I’m busy giving my daughter a bath.” Smiling, Lucy tried to deflect the conversation. “And I’m giving the other a bath. And I also know that you are very good at doing two things at once. So……” “So…..” Lucy sighed. “So things are getting pretty intense between us.” She glanced at Mary and grinned at her. “Okay, extremely intense.” “Sounds like that’s a good thing.” “I don’t know.” Shifting Victoria in her tub,
Lucy bit her lip and lowered her voice. “We were in bed this morning and-“
“NO! We didn’t. I mean, we wanted to, but we didn’t.” “Is there another reason besides the obvious that you don’t sound happy about that?” Mary stared at Lucy, knowing there was more to that. As Lucy thought about what she was going to say,
she took a towel and wrapped it around Victoria, picking her up. “You know
I love him.”
Laying Victoria on the changing table, Lucy put her diaper and sleeper on her, not answering Mary at first. Once Victoria was in her crib and Mary was finished dressing Marissa, Lucy sat on the side of the bed. “Out with it.” Sitting next to her, Mary smoothed Lucy’s hair back off her face. “He’s really getting to you, isn’t he.” “There’s NOTHING new about that. He always has.” Lucy sighed again and bit her lip. “It’s just that…. As much as I want him, it’s not just physical. It never was with him.” “And you’re not sure you’re ready to take that step with him?” Mary was trying to guess where she was headed with the conversation. “It’s a big step, Lucy. And there’s nothing wrong with not being ready to make that kind of a commitment.” Suddenly, Lucy remembered what a devoted Irish Catholic Mary was and she started to laugh. “What’s funny?” “Big step. Commitment. Those are just words I never associates with sex.” Biting her lip again, she looked at Mary. “I wasn’t raised with a lot of religious faith. I always believed that I had to fight for what I wanted, and then fight even harder to keep it.” She shrugged. “Sex was just one of the ways I fought the battles.” Tears came to her eyes and she shrugged again. “Until I met Kevin. I can honestly say that he was the first man that I ever truly, really truly made love to. And I think what I’m really afraid of is being vulnerable to him.” It was hard for her to admit it, and her voice shook. “I’m not ready to open myself up to the point of no return.” Staring at her for a moment, Mary finally spoke quietly. “Aren’t you already there?”
After listening to Victor, Kevin shook his head. “I wish I knew what he was really after.” “He really wants the girls named as his. For what reason, I can’t fathom.” Turning back to the rail, Kevin leaned on it. “Lucy’s intent on finding out herself. She wants to go see him.” “Do you think that’s a good idea?”
“You know, her instincts are usually pretty good.”
“Maybe I NEED to fight this one for her, Victor.” Sighing, Kevin shrugged. “I haven’t done a damn thing for her since the day I walked out on her. Except take her friendship for granted. I need to do this for her. And OUR twins.” Victor moved closer to Kevin. “Whatever is going to happen with Ryan, there is nothing you can do about it right this minute. It seems to me you have something more important that you need to stand up for.” “Which is?” “How about the way the two of you feel about one another? You know, as much as you and I both hate to admit it, there was some truth to what Ryan said about me running and teaching you to do the same.” Kevin began to argue, but Victor interrupted him. “You did exactly what you’d seen me do. You walked away and completely shut down. If you can’t admit you did, how can you ever hope to convince her that you won’t do it again?” Victor’s words struck home to Kevin and he sighed. “That’s exactly what she’s afraid of.” “Can you blame her? Monk, she’s not perfect. I
know that part of her that keeps you coming back is also what seems to
infuriate you about her.”
“I HAVE NEVER HATED HER!” Kevin was furious and he struggled to keep his voice down. “No, you’ve just not spoken to her for months
on end. No matter how much she begged you to. That’s not hate?”
“Let me tell you something, Monk. I was there. I watched her. From where she was standing, you hated her. For being who she is.” Before Kevin could start again, Victor shook his head. “I’m not attacking you, if it sounds that way, I apologize. I’m just telling you that she loves you, but she’s afraid that if she makes you angry you’ll turn your back on her again.” “And how do you know what she’s thinking?” His tone was challenging. “Simple.” Victor shrugged. “You left her. I didn’t. I’ve always loved her and I’ve always made sure to keep her in my life.” He stared at Kevin for a moment before finishing. “And as much as it took Ryan to show you how much she still loves you, it also took Ryan for me to realize that I taught you to run when all else failed. And for that, I’m sorry.” It all hit Kevin at once. Everything Lucy had said about what would happen to them the next time he threw her out, everything Victor had said, and everything he’d done when he had thrown her out. “It’s not your fault, Victor. I’ll admit that there might be some truth to what you’re saying about me, if you’ll tell me how you think I can convince her that I’ve learned what my life is like without her and I don’t ever want to live that way again.”
“Why is that a problem?” “Because as wonderful as it feels when he looks at me when he’s happy with me, it hurts twice as much when he can’t stand to look at me.” Her eyes filled with tears and she put her hand to her face. “Lucy…” Standing, Mary moved to her and hugged her. “I remember how much that hurt.” She began to cry harder in Mary’s arms. “And I know that if I do something wrong, I’ll be right back there.” “You don’t know that.”
“Come here.” Leading her gently to the bed, Mary
sat down beside her. “Have you told Kevin any of this?”
“And what did he say?” “He said it won’t happen again. Because of them.” She gestured to the girls. “But that’s not fair to them.” “But you both agree that they’re the most important
thing, here, right?”
“Then maybe, just maybe, Kevin will be more ready to talk to you before shutting you out. There’s too much at stake for him to just walk away again, right?” Nodding again, Lucy thought about what Mary was saying. “You’re saying that he loves them enough to put up with me, and that’s what I’m saying isn’t fair to them.” “No, that’s NOT what I’m saying.” Sighing, Mary looked at Lucy. “I’m saying that Kevin loves YOU. I can see that every time he looks at you.” Leaning closer to her, Mary stroked her hair gently, like a mother would a child. “What happened to the woman who wasn’t afraid to take a chance? You strike me as the type that jumps in to see how cold the water is. You’re going to tell me that now that everything you want is in the water you’re going to stand on the side and stick your toe in to test it first?” A literal picture of what Mary said formed in Lucy’s mind and she began to laugh. “I was the one that jumped in first and if I came up screaming everyone knew the water was cold.” She looked at Mary for a moment and wiped her eyes. “This is so strange for me. I mean, I can’t believe I’m sitting here telling you all this. No offense, but I’m not usually this easy to work.” “I know all the tricks. I’m a mother.” A strange look crossed Lucy’s face and Mary sighed. “This really is all new to you, isn’t it.” Shrugging, Lucy nodded. “You told me your aunt raised you. What did she
say to you when you talked like this?”
“I guess you can figure out that we didn’t really talk like this.” Lucy laughed again, then became serious. “She did the best she could. None of her boyfriends or husbands ever stuck around. The one thing she really wanted for me was for me to NOT end up like she did. And I wasn’t exactly easy to talk to. I was too busy fighting.” “Well, you’re more then easy to talk to now. And as far as how you turned out, she must have done something right.” Smiling, Mary squeezed her shoulders. “I don’t know. I did do the one thing she always told me not to do. But I don’t think she ever imagined RYAN when she told me that.” She sighed. “I did want to ask you something. Kevin’s not to happy about it, but there’s something I really think I have to do.” “And that would be….?” “I need to see him.” Stopping, Mary stared at her. “Ryan?” Lucy nodded. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?” “I’m sure I won’t know what he’s up to unless I face him. There’s more.” “What are you about to get me involved in, Lucy?”
“Oh, Lucy!” Jumping to her feet, Mary paced in front of her. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea. I understand you have a need to face him, but to take them with you?!” “SSHHHHHH!” Lucy tried to quiet Mary. “And you’re not going to tell Kevin?” “Kevin knows I want to go see Ryan.” “And I raised two boys that beat around the bush better then that. He knows you want to go, and he’s not happy about it, so you’re not about to tell him that you want to take the girls with you, right?” When Lucy didn’t answer, Mary leaned closer to her. “Isn’t this the kind of thing that got you in trouble with Kevin before?” “Mary, he’s convinced that I’m wrong. That’s what got HIM in trouble with ME before.” Lucy sighed. “Ryan won’t hurt them. That much I’m sure of. And the only way to find out what he’s up to is to face him. Kevin wants to poke him with a stick, and I think that’s the wrong way to handle him.” “And how do you plan to pull this off?” “Kevin has to go back to work. He doesn’t want
me alone, so he’s going to ask you and Victor to come help me when he’s
not here.”
“I’ll tell him as soon as we get back. I promise.
But if I tell him that I want to do it, he’ll get angry, I’ll get angry,
we’ll end up fighting, and he’ll try to put his foot down with me, which
REALLY makes me mad.” She stared at Mary. “Please?”
Chapter 74 Chapter 74
Kevin opened the door and grinned when he saw Mac and Felicia standing there with their arms full of presents. "Come on in. We've been so busy we haven't had a chance to call you until this morning." "Don't even pretend we're here to see you." Smiling, Felicia blew past him and went to the bassinettes. "They're beautiful!" Lucy was sitting on the sofa watching her. "I think so, too." After handing Lucy the brightly wrapped boxes she was holding, Felicia gently picked a baby up and moved to sit next to Lucy. "Which one am I holding?" Glancing at her, Lucy answered. "Marissa." Mac looked at Kevin, who shrugged. "Go on, there's no such thing as small talk when there are babies in the room." Slapping Kevin's arm playfully, Mac went over and picked Victoria up in his arms. “She looks like her mother. Lucky girl.” Groaning, Kevin stared at him. “If I tell you Scott said the same thing, will you be as scared as I am?” They all laughed. Lucy began to tear into the boxes Felicia had
handed her. While she opened them, Felicia watched her. “I hope you can
use them.”
Shrugging, Lucy opened the box and pulled out several terry sleepers. “They were a godsend when I had Georgie.” Felicia looked at Lucy, who smiled. “Definitely.” Lucy agreed with her and grinned. “I got them a little larger, so when you go to snap one and it’s too small, you’ll have some that will fit them.” Now Lucy laughed. “That seems to happen every other day.” “They grow so fast at this age.” Felicia agreed with her. “I love them. Thank you. These are the best.”
“You mean I get to open one?” Kevin smiled at her. “Only if you do it before I change my mind.” Opening it, Kevin was confused at first to find a large envelope. Opening that, he found gift certificates. The first one was for the Outback, but the second one made him laugh. “What?” Lucy tried to see what he was holding. “Gift certificates. For the Outback, The Grille, and Luke’s. But, with every dinner gift certificate, there is also a certificate that promises a night of free babysitting.” Kevin and Lucy both laughed. “I know you won’t want to leave them for a minute for a while, but trust me, there will come a time, sooner then you think, that you’ll want a night away.” Felicia grinned at Lucy. “And, if you read the bottom, it says ALL NIGHT. Just in case.” Mac smiled. “This is great. Thanks.” Kevin shook Mac’s hand while Lucy hugged Felicia. “There was an ulterior motive for inviting you over tonight.” Lucy began, and looked at Kevin. “We were discussing when we were going to christen them. And we realized that before we even started to plan that, we had to find godparents for them.” Lucy took over again. “And we both decided that you’d be our first choice for Victoria. If you want to.” Mac and Felicia were both stunned for a moment, and Felicia recovered first. “We’d love to!” Shifting Marissa to one arm, she hugged Lucy before getting to her feet to hug Kevin. Mac was doing the same and he moved to sit next to Lucy. “It’s our pleasure, Luce.” She was crying, and Mac put his arm around her shoulders. “What’s wrong?” “Nothing. I just…..I get this way. It’ll pass.” She turned to Kevin. “Unless he says the ‘H’ word.” Her tone was threatening. “No. Never again.” Kevin held his hands up in a defensive gesture. “I learned from watching what happened to Scott. I don’t want to be next.” At Mac and Felicia’s questioning glances, Kevin dramatically whispered. “Scott accused her of being hormonal and she almost beat him to a pulp.” “He deserved it.” Felicia announced. “That was mean.” Finally, Lucy managed to stop crying and she smiled at them. “We need to make arrangements, but we’ll let you know as soon as we decide when and where.” “We’ll be there.” Mac promised. “I’ll even let Felicia dress me for the occasion.” They all laughed again. When someone knocked on the door, Kevin went to answer it. Grabbing Serena, Kevin hugged her tightly before standing back so she could come in. “Daddy’s parking the car. I couldn’t wait to see my sisters!” Running to them, Serena kissed one, then the other before hugging Lucy. As Lucy pulled Serena to sit next to her, Scott came inside. “She didn’t just barge in, did she?” “No. But she’s always welcome to.” Kevin smiled at him and the men joined the group in the living room. “I didn’t know you had a houseful, here.” Scott nodded to Mac and Felicia. “But we had something really important to talk to Lucy about.” Serena looked around the room, then back at Scott. “We can do this in private, if you want. I mean, she’ll tell everyone, but we can tell her alone.” Scott leaned down and looked at Serena, who nodded. “Tell me what?” Lucy was instantly worried. “Don’t get paranoid on me. Nothing bad.” Grabbing her arm, Serena tried to pull Lucy to her feet. When Lucy winced, Scott grabbed Serena’s shoulders gently. “Why don’t you let me help her.” He took Lucy’s hand and helped her up. “Come on. She’s not going to stop until you talk to us.” Lucy glanced at Kevin for a moment before following Scott and Serena to the bedroom. Mac looked at Kevin, who shrugged. “I have no idea.” “That was weird.” Mac sighed. “That’s Scott.” Felicia laughed.
When Scott and Serena had Lucy in the bedroom, Lucy sat down and stared at them. “Okay, out with it. What’s going on?” “Well, I’ve been thinking, and I talked to Serena,
and she was all for it. I mean really happy about it. So we decided to
get everything ready before we talked to you about it and-“
“I promised her she could tell you.” He pointed to Serena, who jumped up on the bed and kneeled next to Lucy. “You know how you’re my almost mom. I mean, I know I have a real mom, but you’ve been taking care of me for her, right?” “Right. And I love every minute of it.” Lucy touched Serena’s face. “Daddy and I talked about it, and I want you to be my real almost mom.” Lucy was confused, and Scott handed Lucy the papers he’d had in his jacket. Her eyes scanned them quickly, and she looked at him, hoping they said what she thought they said. “It’s all legal. Well, not the original petition. I kind of forged your name on those. But these are the final ones. The ones that make it real, legal, and forever.” He sat next to her and took her hand. “These are……” Lucy stared at Scott for a moment. “Adoption papers!” Serena answered her. “Now you’re my REAL mom!” Handing her a pen, Scott looked at her. “All you have to do is sign them.” Lucy’s breath caught in her throat and her mouth literally dropped open. “Well? What are you waiting for?” Scott looked at her. Grabbing a magazine off her nightstand, he handed it to her. “Oh, something to lean on.” Without a word, Lucy signed the papers and handed them back to Scott. As soon as she did, Serena grabbed her and hugged her. As Lucy pulled Serena to her, she finally started to cry. Once she started, she couldn’t stop, and she started to shake she was crying so hard. Touching Lucy’s head for a moment, Scott went to the bedroom door and looked at Kevin. “You want to come in here? I don’t think she’s going to stop crying any time soon.” Immediately, Kevin ran into the bedroom and sat next to Lucy. “What’s wrong?” “Nothing’s wrong.” Releasing Serena, Lucy continued to cry. “I’m happy.” “Yeah, you look it.” Laughing softly, Kevin looked at Scott. “Serena and I figured it was time Lucy was really a mother to her. So,” He waved the papers. “I take these down tomorrow and file them, and Lucy is really, legally, her mother.” “Her….” Kevin realized what Scott had in his hand. “You’re going to let Lucy adopt her?” “Yeah, well, it was past time, you know?” Shrugging, Scott looked at Lucy. “I should have done this a long time ago.” Kevin didn’t even have to look at Lucy to know what that meant to her. “I can’t argue with that. But I’m glad you did it.” “Come on! Let’s go tell my sisters! They’re REALLY my sisters now, right?” Serena pulled on Lucy’s hand. “Yep.” It was a struggle for Lucy to get one word out. Standing, she squeezed Serena’s hand as they went back into the living room. Mac and Felicia were on the sofa, holding the girls. “You okay?” Felicia looked at Lucy, who nodded. “Better then okay.” Lucy hugged Serena again and watched her run to the girls. “Mom just adopted me! For real! She really IS my mom now!” Mac and Felicia looked at Lucy, who could only nod. Scott looked at them. “It won’t be official until I turn these in tomorrow morning, but then it will be.” Felicia put Marissa on Serena’s lap and stood to hug Lucy. When she moved to Scott, she tugged gently on his jacket. “You did the right thing.” “For once, huh?” “Well, no, but..” Felicia realized he was kidding, and she laughed. “I guess we have a lot to celebrate, then.” “I forgot!” Lucy turned to Kevin, who shrugged. “Scott kind of beat us to the punch on surprises. But go ahead.” Wiping her eyes, Lucy looked at Scott. “We were going to ask you tomorrow, but since you’re here….” “What?” “Mac and Felicia are going to be Victoria’s godparents,
and-“
“Will you let me finish!” Lucy looked at him. “We still need godparents for Marissa. And, believe it or not, Kevin and I BOTH agree that you’d be a great godfather.” After a second, Scott smiled. “I’d love it. For a second there, I thought you were going to say Luke or Sonny.” Lucy and Kevin both started to laugh, which confused everyone else in the room. “Why is it that when I say the word ‘godfather’ everyone thinks of Luke or- Never mind, don’t answer that. Either of you.” Lucy glared at the Scott and Kevin, who had both opened their mouths to answer her. “So who’s the lucky godmother?”
“I’m sure she will.” Scott sat next to Serena, who was still holding Marissa on her lap. “Wow, we’re like one really big family, now, right? Victor and Mary are my grandparents, too, now right? And you and Karen are her godparents, and Kevin’s going to be my stepfather someday, right?” Lucy and Kevin both stopped and stared at her in shock. Then they looked at each other and Scott realized that Serena had just put them on a major spot. “We’re just one big, happy, maybe a little dysfunctional,” He looked around for a moment. “okay, a LOT dysfunctional family.” Mac turned to Felicia, who just smiled at him and nodded. “Give them time.” She whispered to him. “She’ll come around.” From the look on Kevin’s face, Mac had a feeling it would be soon.
Kevin put Marissa in her crib and turned to Lucy. “You look beat.” “I am.” She sighed, and curled up under the blanket. Sitting next to her, Kevin reached for her hand.
“It’s been a busy day.”
With his other hand, he brushed a few stray strands of hair off her face. “I bet you will be asleep in about five minutes.” “Probably less.” She admitted. “Then I guess I’ll see you in a few hours.” Smiling, Kevin leaned closer to her and kissed her softly. As he moved away from her, she gripped his hand and held him. “Don’t.” “Don’t what?” “I’m tired of the game.” “What game?” Kevin honestly had no idea what she was talking about. “The game where you say goodnight to me and you go upstairs, pretend to be able to sleep for a while, but I wake up and find you watching us.” “I can’t help it. I just….” Thinking Lucy was complaining, Kevin shrugged. “I know you can’t. So why do we keep pretending that you can?” Smiling, Lucy moved over on the bed. “Why don’t we just cut to the chase?” “Are you sure?”
Literally jumping into the bed with her, he reached for her. “No need to.” Once she was in his arms, Kevin held her tightly and whispered against her head. “You don’t ever have to ask to snuggle with me.” “Good.” They were both quiet for a moment, but neither closed their eyes. Finally Kevin spoke. “I was thinking about what Serena said tonight.” Lucy was quiet, but Kevin could feel her muscles tense. “I’m not pressuring you, Lucy. I can’t imagine
how hard it must be for you to put your faith in me again after-“
“I’m sorry, I-“ “Don’t be sorry for how you feel.” Stroking her hair, he looked at her. “I know I did the one thing I swore I’d never do.” “Doc, don’t-“ “I have to, Lucy. It took us so long to build trust between us, and somehow we lost it. I don’t want you to be afraid to tell me the truth. I always knew that you lied to protect what you cared about, and instead of understanding the fact that you felt like you had to protect yourself from me, I turned around and did exactly what you felt you had to protect yourself from.” She opened her mouth to protest, but he touched her face. “Right or wrong?” She shrugged, but didn’t answer him. “When you’re ready, you’ll tell me.” Smiling at her, he held her closer and sighed. “I have the rest of my life to wait for you.” Wishing she could tell him she was ready, she closed her eyes laid her head on his chest. His hand played softly with her hair, and she reached out to hold his other hand tightly in her own.
“Lucy, I’m still not entirely sure this is the best way to go about this.” Mary glanced at Lucy before looking back at the road. “It has to be now. At their checkup today, the blood was drawn for the DNA test. Even though Kevin is going to have the same test, Ryan’s attorney will push for the RFLP test. I have to try to stop him, Mary.” “But to just go there without telling Kevin. And to take them with you.” Mary had reluctantly agreed to take Lucy to Ferncliff following the twin’s first checkup. “Kevin would have tried to stop me, and you know it. I have to do this.” With a determined sigh, Lucy turned and stared out the window. Grateful for the fact that the twins were apparently
going to be car sleepers, Mary glanced in the rear view mirror at them.
“I understand you needing to face him, Lucy. I really do. But is taking
them really the right thing to do? What are you planning?”
“And you’ll be ready to face him?”
“I hope you know what you’re doing.” “Me, too.” Lucy whispered and turned to stare out the window.
Ryan sat in the chair and stared at the door. When they’d brought him to the visitor room, they hadn’t told him who was coming to see him. Finally the door opened, and Ryan was shocked to see Lucy standing in the doorway. “Lucy….” He tried to stand, but the chains on his wrists prevented him. Lucy turned to the guard. “Take those off.”
“Then get someone who can.” Her voice was strong and she glared at him. “The only one who can order that is his doctor.” “Then get him!” Lucy turned to Ryan. “I don’t have a reason to be afraid of you, do I?” Ryan’s eyes met hers. “No.” The guard didn’t look sure. “Ma’am, you might
not know what you’re dealing with-“
After the guard left, Ryan began to laugh. “Wow, that was a side of you I hadn’t seen yet.” Shrugging, Lucy sat down across from him. “I have my reasons.” “Oh, I’m sure you do, Lucy. Does my dear brother know you’re here?” “No.” Lucy decided being honest with Ryan was the best way to handle him. “And I’m sure you know what his reaction is going to be when he finds out.” “Can we all say ‘not a happy camper’?” Ryan smiled at her. “I can say he’s going to be furious. But I had to come.” “Why?” Now she had Ryan’s interest. The door opened again, and several orderlies entered with the guard. “Okay, Chamberlain. We’re going to do as the lady requested. But you make a sudden move, and you know what’s going to happen.” Lucy rolled her eyes in disgust and sighed. “I can be a good boy, can’t I, Lucy?” Ryan smiled at her. “I guess we’re going to find out.” She met his eyes evenly and didn’t smile. Once Ryan’s wrists were free, Lucy stood and watched him for a moment. Making a decision, she went to the door and knocked on it. Ryan watched her intently until the door opened again. Then he stood so quickly the orderlies advanced on him. For a moment he was speechless. An orderly entered with a single stroller holding both babies. Slowly, aware of the angry eyes on him, Ryan moved around the table and got close to them. Kneeling down beside them, Lucy looked up at Ryan. When Ryan got about two feet from the stroller, the guard moved to his side. “That’s close enough.” Ryan turned to the guard, but Lucy interrupted him. “This is MY decision. NOT yours.” Her words were directed to the guard and she pulled the stroller closer to Ryan. Kneeling down, Ryan looked at them. Despite his best efforts, he began to cry at the sight of them. “I’m having a problem with this.” The guard spoke again. “And I’m having a problem with YOU.” Lucy glared at him. “Ryan won’t hurt them.” Gently, Ryan reached out and took one of their hands with his own. “Victoria Lynn.” Lucy’s voice was soft. For a brief moment, Ryan glared at Lucy. “I’ll call her Lynn.” “I can understand that.” “And this must be Marissa Dominique.” He moved his hand to the other baby. After a moment, Ryan looked at Lucy. “I had the pleasure of meeting Dominique a few brief times. She’d be proud.” “I hope so.” Lucy’s voice was soft. After a moment, Lucy moved closer. “What happened to your wrist?” “Like you care?” He started to get snide with her, but when his eyes met hers, he shrugged. “Temper. I’m sure you know what that’s like with Kevin.” “I’m not here to discuss Kevin with you. If that’s what you want, I’m leaving right now.” “No. I won’t. Promise.” He almost begged her to stay. Victoria started to fuss a bit, and Ryan waved her rattle in front of her. Moving to them, Lucy lifted Victoria out of the stroller and cuddled her for a moment. “Do you want to hold her?” Standing next to her, Ryan watched Lucy put the baby in his good arm. The guard moved closer. “I can’t-“
Shaking his head, he watched Ryan hold the baby gently.
“Monk, calm down.” “I just wish I knew where she was.” Standing at
the French doors, Kevin shook his head.
“She said she was…..” Kevin turned to Victor. “She didn’t say what she was doing.” It hit Kevin and he got angry. “She made it a point to NOT say what she was doing after she left the hospital. All she said was that she’d see me at home.” Victor knew what that meant, but he also knew that Kevin knew, so he said nothing. It would only make Kevin worse. “She has something planned, Victor. I’m not sure what, but-“ The phone ringing interrupted him and he ran to it. “Hello?” Victor couldn’t hear the other end, but Kevin identified himself, and after a few seconds, became even angrier. Thanking the person on the other end, he hung up the phone. Mer like slammed it on the table. “What is she thinking?” “What?” Victor was almost afraid to ask. “That was Ryan’s doctor at Ferncliff. He’s agreed to keep me informed as Ryan’s next of kin. Guess what? Ryan has a visitor.” Closing his eyes, Victor sighed. He didn’t have to guess. “Well, he has THREE visitors! How could she do that, Victor? What did Lucy think she would accomplish taking them to SEE him?!” Kevin grabbed his keys and moved towards the door. “Where are you going?” “I’m going to go GET her.” Not giving Kevin the chance to tell him no, Victor followed him out the door and got in the car with him.
Lucy watched Ryan hold Marissa and put Victoria back in her stroller. “There’s something else on your mind, Lucy.” His tone was soft as he gently bounced Marissa in his arm. “I never said there wasn’t.” “Let me guess, you brought them here to soften me up to…what? Give up MY children?” He laughed. “Not happening, Luce.” Lucy cringed inside, but didn’t let him see how much it affected her to hear him call them his children. “I do want to talk to you. Alone.” Moving to him, she reached for Marissa. For a moment, Ryan held the child back from her. “So am I supposed to say goodbye?” His tone challenged her. “No. I’ll bring them back.” Ignoring his tone, she took the baby out of his arms and put her in the stroller. Then she turned to the guard. “Take them back out and leave us alone.” “I can’t leave you alone with him.” Lucy sighed. “Yes, you can.” “No, I can’t. I’ve given in to everything else you’ve asked. You want him loose, you get protected.” The guard was adamant. “Everyone else can leave, but I’m staying.” “Fine. Just stay and be quiet.” Giving in, Lucy watched the orderlies take the stroller and leave the room. Ryan sat down and watched her carefully. As she moved to the other side of the table, he began to laugh. “What’s funny?” “You. I thought you had some grand plan in the works, and I just realized that you’re winging it.” Caught off guard at his words, Lucy laughed. Sitting
down, she shrugged. “You’re right. I’m winging it.”
Her eyes met his for a moment, and they didn’t falter when she answered him. “I don’t know. I just felt like I had to see you. And don’t ask why I brought them, I have no idea.” “I’m glad you did.” He smiled at her. “Me, too. Answered a lot of questions for me.” Now Ryan was intrigued. “Like what?” “You love them. I can tell by watching you.” “And you….what, didn’t think I was capable of
loving anyone? A monster like me couldn’t possibly love anyone, right?
I mean-“
He didn’t answer her, and she pressed him. “Come on, Ryan. What does being a good father mean to you?” “Being there.” He finally answered. “Not judging them because of things they can’t control. Could you hate them because I’m their father?” “I love them no matter who their father is.” Lucy was careful to not agree with him. “Babies are simple. You love them, they love you. Easy and unconditional.” When she said the word ‘unconditional’ Ryan’s eyes narrowed and Lucy knew she’s hit on something. “All they understand is that you love them.” “Unconditionally.” Ryan agreed with her. Leaning closer, he looked at her. “Why did you use that word, Lucy?” His stare made her uncomfortable, like he suddenly knew more about her then she wanted him to, but she didn’t falter. “Because it’s what everyone wants. Unconditional love.” He knew he had her and he smiled. “And you want to give them what you never had.” “Don’t you?” She glared at him. Now his smile faltered and he shrugged. “Okay, I guess we can agree that I was never exactly the favored child. Guess you weren’t, either.” When she didn’t answer him, he leaned closer again. “Come on, Luce. After everything we’ve shared, you can tell me.” “Not much to share.” She shrugged, trying to hide how uncomfortable the conversation was suddenly making her. “You’re right. I wasn’t the favorite. I was more like the least favorite. At least that’s how I felt. I wasn’t even hers. She raised me, but I could never forget I wasn’t hers.” Her direct honesty threw him for a moment. “You never fit in.” His voice was quiet and he reached for her hand. “Ryan, we’ve both spent a lot of our lives surviving despite who our parents were.” Tears came to her eyes. “I don’t want them to live the same way. Can you understand that? I’m not afraid you’ll hurt them. I’m afraid of other people hurting them because of you.” “And you think if Kevin’s their father it won’t happen?” Ryan’s voice rose and he pulled his hand away from hers. “Come on, Lucy. The entire Collin’s family is like a psychiatric circus sideshow. You’re right. People will have expectations of them because of it, no matter which of us gets the Father’s Day card. And if unconditional love is what you want for them, it isn’t going to come from Kevin.” Standing, he leaned across the table until his face was only a few inches from hers. “You, of all people, should know that one.” “He loves them.” “But there’s always conditions, aren’t there.” Sitting down, he shrugged. “What happened to you when you didn’t live up to them?” Ryan knew that he’d hit a sore spot even before he saw the pain flash across her face. “You think it’s going to be different with them? The first time they let him or Victor down, you’ll find out just how conditional their love is, Lucy.” He was really getting to her, and Lucy knew she had to put a stop to it. Standing, she paced around the side of the table. “This isn’t about anything but them, Ryan. I don’t know much about your childhood, but I know it wasn’t great. Worse then mine, I do know that. But I know how it feels when other children have something to hold over your head.” Taking a deep breath, she turned to face him. “I was the only kid in my school that didn’t have parents. Every other kid teased me because I was poor and my own parents didn’t even want me. Do you have any idea what other children are going to say to those girls if you’re their father?” This time he didn’t answer her, and she leaned closer to him. “Come on, Ryan. This is a no brainer. Children can be cruel.” Her voice rose and she became angry at the thought that he might want this for them. “You don’t think other kids are going to pounce on the fact that their father is a serial killer? You don’t think the other parents won’t be afraid for their children to be around them? You really want our children to grow up that way?!” Ryan was so shocked at her outburst that it took him a moment to realize that Lucy had actually called him their father. “NO! I don’t want that for them.” He stopped and stared at her, fighting his own tears. “But they’re mine, Lucy. What do you want me to do?” Realizing what she’d said, Lucy sighed. “You want to be their father? You want to be a better father then either of us had? Don’t make them survive who you are. It’s that simple, Ryan.” “It’s NOT that simple, Lucy. I was a resident of Port Charles, an upstanding one until right before Baldwin took your baby and split town. You know how much that hurts. Now you want to do the same to me?” No longer fighting his own tears, he stared at her. His words took her by surprise and she sat down. “This isn’t how I wanted this to go.” Her words were so quiet he had to strain to hear her. “What?” “THIS! I came here to beg you to let them go.” Crying, she shook her head. “But I can’t. You love them, and I do know how it feels to have your heart ripped out.” She smiled through her tears. “Gotta tell you, Ryan, I liked it better when I didn’t think you had a heart.” “Well, I liked it better when I thought you were an airhead with a great body.” He laughed softly. “So where does that leave us now?” “I don’t know. I want what’s best for them.”
“With all my heart, Ryan. He’s with them, and he loves them.” She shrugged. “He’s not exactly stable, Luce.” “Like either of us are?” She smiled at him again. “I’m can’t cut you out, Ryan. I wanted to, I’d still like to, but I can’t.” “At least you’re honest with me. I appreciate that.” Her eyes narrowed and she glared at him. “I didn’t mean it that way. I swear I didn’t. I mean that you’re not sitting there telling me what you think I want to hear to get me to do what you want me to do. That’s what everyone else around here does.” “I won’t play games when it comes to them.” She shrugged. “I guess I-“ The door opened and Mary appeared. “Lucy, we need to go.” Meeting Mary’s eyes, Lucy knew something was wrong. She stood and looked at Ryan. “This isn’t over, Ryan.” “It never will be, Lucy.” As she left the room, Lucy followed Mary to the waiting room. When she reached the door, she stopped. Kevin was standing next to the stroller glaring at her.
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