Chapter 1
Victor turned off the television and looked out the window. "Monk, does Lucy listen to the news on the radio?" "Not that I know of, why?" "Because Jasmine Island is no place for her to be when that storm hits. Reports yesterday said-" "Wait. Jasmine Island? Why is Lucy on Jasmine Island?" Victor turned to Kevin. "I was going to tell you if she decided to do it. Lucy has decided to add a line of clothes of some sort to Jax Cosmetics. She’s doing this whole romance thing- infomercials. She wants to use Jasmine Island to film one." "And you told her she could?" "Why not?" "Because nothing good ever came from anything to do with that place." "Precisely. If it helps Lucy save her company, something good will finally come from that place." "It could also rub off on her and destroy the company. I wish you’d spoken to me before you told her she could do it." Shaking his head, Victor pointed out the window. "That’s not the point. She went up there this morning to look around and decide what she’s going to do. The storm wasn’t supposed to hit until Sunday. Now they’re saying Saturday." "I’m sure she’ll be back." Chapter 2
"Kevin!" He turned to see Serena running towards him with Gail following. "I’m staying with Grandma because Daddy and Lucy are away." "You are! When are they coming back?" Serena looked at Gail, who shrugged. "Scott won’t be back until the end of next week. Lucy’s working on..." She stopped, not knowing what to say. "I know. Jasmine Island is going to be in a commercial." "How do you feel about that?" Kevin sighed. "At first I wasn’t happy. I didn’t want to turn on the television or open a magazine and see it. But, Victor’s right. So many bad things have happened there, it’s time for something good to come out of it. Which brings me back to why I asked. If you hear from them, tell them to be sure to be back before the storm hits. The electric is the first thing to go, the generator hasn’t been checked in years, and the bridge freezes almost instantly." "Kevin, Scott’s in Canada. Lucy is by herself on the island. She’s supposed to call. I’ll tell her if I hear from her." Chapter 3
For a few hours, she was sorry she’d come. Too many memories. For what? She’d helped him, he’d gotten better, he’d gotten out of the charges, he’d gotten his license back, then he’d gotten rid of her. She shook her head. "Face it. If it happened all over again, I’d do the same thing. I love him. I love Scott, too, but not like him. It’s my fault he got rid of me. He depended on me and I let him down. It’s not his fault Scott has more practice at forgiving me." She shook her head. "What I need to do is stop talking to myself and get down to business." After wandering around outside, she knew why she’d come. The grounds surrounding the house were beautiful, the perfect setting for her romantic story. Digging the camera out of her bag, she began taking pictures. When she called Serena, Gail told her what Kevin had said. Since it was only Wednesday, and the storm wasn’t due until Saturday, she decided to stay until Friday. She spent all day Thursday taking pictures, processing and printing them on her laptop. Then she arranged them into storylines. It seemed like she had a million ideas, and she needed to get them into some sort of order. Chapter 4
Gail told him that she had not heard from Lucy. She had expected to several hours ago. Serena had tried to call her, but her phone was out of service. Kevin hung up the phone and looked at Eve. "I’m going up there. The storm’s coming, and Lucy can’t be reached." "Kevin, she could be on her way back." "Then she’ll be gone when I get there. It’s only a couple hours of my time. I don’t want her trapped up there." He looked outside. "I’d better leave now if I don’t want to get trapped up there myself. Call Gail and tell her to call me if she hears from Lucy." Eve sat alone in the living room. Again. Kevin was off to save Lucy. Again. What was it about that woman, that sane men went crazy for her? Bad choice of words, but accurate. What would Kevin accomplish getting stuck in the snow himself? Chapter 5
I hate the world today. You’re so good to me I know, but I can’t change. Try to look at me like maybe I’m an angel underneath. Innocent and sweet. It amazed her she actually liked this song. Serena and her friends played it a few days ago and Scott had hit the roof. But something about it.... She turned the CD player up and sang along. The CD player was loud enough she didn’t hear Kevin enter, but she heard someone yell. "Hello?" Not knowing who it was, she slipped out of the bed and crept to the top of the stairs. "Lucy?" "Kevin?" She ran down the stairs. "What are you doing here?" "I came to get you." Her feelings were instantly hurt. "Victor told me that it -" "This has nothing to do with that. The storm is expected to hit in a few hours. I think it’s already started. Don’t you ever look out a window? We need to get out of here. Now." Lucy went to the window. "Gail said Saturday." The snow was already coming down. "Come help me pack my stuff." Kevin followed her upstairs and stopped when he saw the bed. Actually, he stopped when he couldn’t see the bed for the pictures. He picked up one of the bluff Marcia Cooper had fallen from. "That’s the opening shot. A woman standing in the dress, the breeze blowing out the full skirt. Then.." The song caught her attention again. Take me as I am. This might mean you’ll have to be a stronger man. But when I start to make you nervous, and I’m going to extremes. Tomorrow I will change, and today won’t mean a thing. Oblivious to everything but the music and the pictures, she leaned over the bed, looking for the next one. The satin nightshirt she was wearing slid up as she moved. Kevin turned away, trying to suppress the thoughts which ran through his mind. He listened to the music. I’m a bitch I’m a lover I’m a child I’m a mother I’m a sinner, I’m a saint I do not feel ashamed As she handed him the next photo, he looked at her strangely. She shrugged. "I spend too much time with the kids. It kind of grows on you when you really listen to it. This is the next one. An absolutely gorgeous guy standing here, watching her. I mean really watching her. You know, like, well, the way you used to watch me." As soon as she said it she was sorry. A very uncomfortable silence followed. Kevin was glad she hadn’t seen the way he was looking at her a few seconds ago. "I’m going to get dressed. You know how to do this, right?" "I got it." As he started to disconnect everything, he could hear her still singing in the bathroom. I’m a bitch
He couldn’t understand the next line. I’m revived
He actually smiled at it. "If you only knew, Lucy." It took almost forty minutes to get all of her things packed and into her car. The snow had really started to come down, and in the darkness of the island, the driveway was barely visible. Lucy was not sure she wanted to try to drive in it, but Kevin was almost in a panic to get out of there. "Just be careful. Once we get across the bridge we should be okay." Slowly, she pulled down the driveway to the bridge. The driveway wasn’t bad, but the bridge was a solid sheet of ice already. Letting the engine propel the car, she tried to simply keep it straight to get across. She was almost there when the rear of the car went sideways. Trying not to panic, she tried to correct it. Ice and wood cracking was the last thing she heard before the back of the car dropped out from under her. She tried to give it gas, but it was too late. The car fell, trunk first, into the water below. The water was only about five feet under the bridge, and four feet deep, but it was somewhere around freezing. As the car dropped, Lucy opened the door to get out. Thousands of needles hit her body when the water rushed in on her. Unable to catch her breath, she struggled to get out of the car. By the time she managed to climb on the roof, Kevin was running down the embankment. "No." Her breath was a whisper, so she shook her head. "Too cold. Stay put." Her entire body was shaking violently. Taking as much of a running start as she could on the roof, she jumped towards him. The icy water forced the air from her lungs and she took a several steps towards him. She was only a few feet from the edge when she realized she couldn’t move. As she fell under the water, she felt Kevin’s arms pulling her towards him. Dragging her up onto the embankment, he tried to ignore the icy needles in his legs. By the time he put her down, her entire body was shaking and her heartbeat had slowed. "Come on, Lucy. Stay with me." Gently, he tapped her face. "Come on, look at me. I have to carry you. You with me?" Her eyes opened, but didn’t focus on him. "Of course. I love you, Doc." And they closed again. Kevin put her in his car, drove back to the house, and carried her inside. It felt as if his joints were freezing inside his body. Lucy didn’t weigh much over 100, but by the time he got her inside and put her on the couch, he would’ve sworn she weighed over 200. Her eyes opened again, but she wasn’t really coherent. "Come on, Lucy. We’ve got to get you out of these wet clothes." Taking the blanket off the back of the couch he peeled her wet shirt off her. She hadn’t bothered to wear a bra. Trying not to look at her, he started on her jeans. "Of course. Skin tight. Button down. That’s you. Lucy, you’re going to have to help me, here. Come on. It’s only going to get worse if you don’t help me. Wake up. Come on." He reached for her arm, but she moved, pulling his arm against her chest. Before he thought about it, he cupped her breast in his hand. "This isn’t happening." Pulling his hand away, he stood a few feet away from her. "Lucy! Look at me! Come on." Finally, she opened her eyes. He didn’t want to touch her again, but she had to get those jeans off. It took her a moment to figure out what he was trying to do. She tried to help him but couldn’t make her fingers close. "I can’t.. It hurts. I’m so cold." Her teeth were chattering so loudly Kevin could barely understand her. "I know." They finally got her jeans unbuttoned and he wrapped the blanket off the back of the couch around her. "Can you get them off?" She nodded. He was pulling every blanket out of the closet when she began to scream. The jeans were still on her legs, and she was massaging her calves. "Cramps. Oh my God, that hurts." Grabbing her, he pulled the jeans off and wrapped a blanket around her legs, rubbing them. The muscles felt like rocks. "Make it stop." "I’m trying, Lucy!" He snapped at her. She pulled away from him. He spoke again, quieter. "I’m trying. I know you’re cold." His own legs were really beginning to hurt. But there were a few things he had to do before he could worry about it. The lights went out. "Kevin?" "I"m here. I need to go see if I can get the generator to start. Don’t panic. I have to go down to the cellar." He knew there were a couple of candles on the mantle. Hopefully there were matches with them. For once that day, he got lucky. Lighting one, he lit the other and gave it to her. "I’ll be back in a few minutes." He tried to get the generator to start, but it refused. There was some gas in it, but the gas had probably been sitting for years, and wouldn’t run the motor. After fifteen minutes, he climbed the stairs slowly, his legs feeling like they weighed a ton each. As he reached the landing, he heard her crying softly. Walking up behind her, he put his hands on her shoulders. "It’s not the end of the world. There’s plenty of firewood in the shed." "I’m sorry. Kevin, I’m so sorry." "For what?" "If I hadn’t been here, you wouldn’t be stuck here. No matter what, I always seem to end up hurting you." "Lucy, it’s a little egotistical of you to take credit for an act of God. I chose to come get you. You almost got killed because I made you leave." His words sunk into himself. It was true, he had almost gotten her killed by his reluctance to stay in that house. Pulling out a few more candles, he left them lit on the coffee table. "I’m going to get wood. I’ll be right back." Not quite ten minutes later, Kevin fell through the door with the wood. He was soaked. "What happened?" "There’s a blizzard out there, you know!?" She looked away from him and bit her lip. He sighed. "I fell a couple times. I’m cold. My legs hurt, and I’m angry." "It’s okay. You’ve got every right to be mad at me." She still wouldn’t look at him. "I’m not mad at you. I’m mad at the whole situation. Why didn’t you answer your cell?" "Batteries died. I forgot the spare." Her voice was quiet. Kevin knew her. She was feeling guilty and he’d hurt her feelings. "Look, we need to get this fire going. The temperature in here is dropping. I don’t mean to lay into you, just give me a minute to calm down. Okay?" She nodded. As he put the wood in the fireplace, his legs forgot how to stand. He finished starting the fire sitting on his knees, with his whole body shaking. "Kevin, you’re soaked. You’ve got to get out of your own wet clothes. Here." She handed him a couple of the blankets he’d dug out of the closet and grabbed his sweater to pull it up. "I can do it. I’m just...Lucy, I’m not sure it’s a good idea." "Oh, give me a break. You afraid I won’t be able to keep my hands off you? Please. I’ll sit over here. I’ll even sit on my hands and promise to behave, okay?" For the first time all night, he laughed. "Okay. But stay right where you are. No peeking." She waited until his pants were around his ankles. "I’m peeking." It was the most awkward, yet the most comfortable moment they’d shared in a long time. They both laughed and sat together in front of the fireplace. Lucy grabbed a pillow off the couch. "I’m beat. I’ve had a terrible night." It seemed to Kevin that she was asleep before he said "Good night." Sitting up watching her, his mind took it’s own trip down memory lane. She was one of the most beautiful women he’d ever seen. The light of the fire made that fact more obvious. She had done so much for him. He had made it through the darkest moments of his life because of her. Why hadn’t she been honest with him? Because she wasn’t honest with herself. That was the problem. But he had to be honest with himself, and he needed someone who understood that. Chapter 6
Lucy jumped up, screaming. Kevin grabbed her. "Lucy, it’s a tree. We’re fine. It fell on the front of the house." "We’re not fine! It’s snowing in the house." She was right. The hole was only about ten feet across, but the snow had fallen into the room with them. The temperature dropped sharply. "No! This isn’t happening. I just stopped shaking. I am not going to freeze again. I can’t take being that cold again. I-" "Lucy! Stop it!" Going to her, he wrapped his blanket around both of them. "Calm down. We’re going to be fine." He held her like that for a few minutes. "I need to get more wood. We need to put something over that hole. Are you listening? I need you to not panic. We need to keep the fire going and block as much of that hole as we can or we will freeze." She started to move, then fell to her knees. "My joints feel frozen. It hurts to move." "It’s from the water. You’re probably borderline hypothermia. Move around a little, you’ll feel better." He put on the wet pants to make the trip. This time he made several, piling the wood in the room. Lucy stuffed cushions, pillows, anything she could find in the hole around the debris. By the time they were done, they were both shaking uncontrollably from the cold. Lucy curled up on the floor right in front of the fire. "Kevin, get over here." He took the blanket she offered him and put his freshly soaked clothes on the hearth. Then he laid behind her, close enough to feel the heat of the fire, but not close enough to touch her. "You’re shaking as badly as I am." She backed up against him and he wrapped his blanket around both of them again. Even with her blanket between them, Kevin could feel every curve of her body. Congratulating himself on his self restraint, he closed his eyes. Chapter 7
When she turned slightly to look at him, his arm tightened around her. Reaching up, she rubbed his arm, not knowing what she wanted him to do. He snuggled closer and began to move his hand over her body. After a few minutes of his touch, she couldn’t stand it anymore. With her other hand, she reached under the blanket and ran her hand over him. He kissed her neck. Rolling over on her back, she pulled him to her. She kissed him, and he opened his eyes. "Lucy?" He started to pull away, but she wrapped her arm around his neck. "Make love to me." She touched him the way only she knew how, and he forgot all thoughts of stopping. His mouth met hers like a drowning man, her mouth familiar, yet not. For her, this was what she’d been wanting for months. His hands all over her body, feeling so good it almost hurt. It was cold in the room, but within minutes, they were both covered in sweat. His hands traveled over her breasts, touching them the way he knew made her crazy. Lightly, she dragged her nails across his chest, kissing his neck and shoulder, trailing her tongue lightly between kisses. His hands became rough and demanding, and it only excited her more. Pulling him to her, she gave him a few more light strokes. "I can’t wait. I want you. I want you inside me." Within seconds he was inside her, feeling her body tense under him. She moaned softly and he moved faster, making her cry out again before he let himself go. She heard him and smiled. God how she’d missed that deep, almost moan he made when he was satisfied. Reaching down his back, she pulled the blanket up over both of them. They laid like that for a few minutes, their breathing returning to normal. She ran her fingers through his hair, never wanting this moment to end. Abruptly, he pulled away from her and sat up. Taking the other blanket, he wrapped it around himself and stared into the fire. Wrapping the other blanket around herself, she stood. "If you tell her, you can tell her it was all my fault." "I’ve never done this before. I’ve never cheated on a woman in my life." "It happens. I’m not saying it’s right. I’m just saying it happens." Her voice was soft, she knew he was hurting. "I’m not you, Lucy. It doesn’t just happen to me." The instant he said it, he regretted it. The look on her face broke his heart. "Lucy." She turned from him and stared at the wall. Standing, he went to her. "Lucy, I’m sorry." She didn’t answer him. "Lucy, I didn’t mean that the way it sounded." Pulling him to her, he was not suprised to see her crying. "I’m sorry. I’m a rational adult. I could have stopped if I’d really wanted to. To be honest, I’ve been thinking about it ever since you leaned across the bed when I first got here. I’m just saying I can’t put it down to ‘it just happens’. My head keeps telling me this is wrong. But it... it feels so right with you." "Now what?" Backing away from him, she looked into his eyes, trying to hide the hope she felt. He sighed. "Now we go back to Port Charles. Eve. Scott. What changes? Does anything change?" "I don’t know about you, but I’m going back to Scott." She walked towards the kitchen, got a safe distance from him and turned back to face him. "I’m going to tell Scott that he’s my pal, that I love him to death, but I’m IN LOVE with you. And if you want me, I’m yours." She disappeared into the kitchen. She was getting a drink when he entered the kitchen. "Do you mean that?" Tears fell from her eyes. "Yes I love you. I never stopped." "Don’t lie to me, Lucy. I can’t take you lying." He was almost crying himself. Crossing the kitchen, she put her hand on his face. "I love you, Doc." That was all he needed. Wrapping his blanket around both of them, he held her against him, kissing her as if he never wanted to stop. He started to lean on her and she couldn’t hold him. Staggering backwards, she stopped when she hit the counter. "We could go back to the fire." Opening her blanket, he reached for her. She sighed happily. "Or we could stay here." Kevin ran his hands down her body, anxious to touch every inch of her. Somewhere in his mind, a thought of Eve came to him. A wave of guilt washed over him again, and he hesitated. What was he thinking? He couldn’t. That was it. A long time ago, he’d said that brains had very little to do with the appeal Lucy had. He’d had no idea how right he was. Lucy had the ability to set his entire body on fire like no other woman ever had, and the only thought in his mind was to touch her, to have her. Knowing nothing of what was running through his mind, Lucy continued to kiss his chest, letting him know that she would gladly fulfill every desire he had. And she hoped he had a lot of them. Reaching down, she took him in her hands. Almost screaming, he grabbed her and pulled her to him. There were no more coherent thoughts is his mind. He had to have her. Now. Lifting her onto the kitchen counter, he made sure the blanket was under her before he laid her on her back across it. She cried out when she felt him inside her. Locking her ankles around his waist, she pulled him to her, desperate to have him deeper in her body. His hands were on her waist, her breasts, her sides, all over her. She couldn’t breathe. Wanting to kiss him, she started to sit up, but he pushed her back down and grabbed her hips, pulling her closer to him. Her screams made him blind to everything except pleasing her. This was where he belonged. With her. Inside her. He couldn’t hold back any longer and his whole body shook. He made that sound she loved so much, but this time it echoed through the house. Away from the heat of the fire, it took about 30 seconds for Lucy to feel as though the sweat was freezing on her body. She began to shake. Kevin put her on the floor and wrapped the blanket around her, rubbing her back and arms to warm her. Holding the blanket with one hand, she held him by the hair with the other so she could kiss him. They stood there for a few more minutes, but soon they were both shaking from the cold. Going out to the fireplace, Lucy laid down and waited for him to lay beside her, but he went upstairs. In the upstairs bathroom, he looked at himself in the mirror. "What the hell am I doing?" He didn’t know, but he knew it felt right. As soon as he went back downstairs, he curled up behind her. After about a half hour of silence from him, she wondered if he was asleep. She looked at him, and he eyes were staring at the fire. "What’s wrong?" She didn’t really WANT to know, but she knew she had to. "Lucy, you know I love you. I always have. That was why I left. Because I loved you and you hurt me." "I know." "I can’t promise you I’ll ever be able to trust you. No matter how much I want to." "What does that mean?" Keeping her voice low, so he wouldn’t hear her fear, she sat up and looked at him. "It means I don’t know if I can BE with you. I’m being honest." Shaking her head, she touched his face. "Don’t be. Be honest with me tomorrow. Be WITH me tonight. I love you so much. I want you so badly." He returned her kiss. "I’ve never wanted a woman as badly as I want you." "Then have me. I’m yours." This time they took their time, tracing every inch of each other’s body. Touching each other, kissing each other, remembering the love they’d shared. Lucy moved on top of him and looked down at him. Their eyes locked on each other’s and she slowly leaned towards him. Their lips met and she moved her body against his. He started to move a little faster, but she pulled away. "Not yet. This is what I like. I just want to feel you inside me." Taking his hands, she leaned over to whisper in his ear. "I feel like you’re actually part of me. I can’t tell where I end and you begin." Squeezing her hands, he looked at her. "I’ve never been able to tell." He pulled his hands away to put them around her. Moving a little, she smiled. "Just to keep you interested." He laughed. "Oh, yea, you needed to do that to keep my attention." He kissed her passionately. She sat up and moved her body up and down on him. But only a few times. Then she laid back down on his chest, her forehead on his chest and her hair falling towards his face. "I could stay like this forever." "If I could do that...." They both started to laugh. Her body shifted when she laughed, and he couldn’t wait anymore. Using her hair gently, he pulled her off his chest. She put her hands on his chest and moved on him. Her nails dug into his chest and she moaned softly. His hands gripped her hips, and he squeezed her as he made ‘that sound’ again. She laid down on him, barely able to breathe. His heart was pounding in her ear. The warmth, the smell, the taste of him filled her. Clinging to him, she looked into his eyes. "I love you. I’ve never loved anyone like this before. How can something that makes me feel so good make me feel so scared at the same time?" "I don’t know, but, trust me, I feel the same way. It’s us. For some reason, this is where we are." "Fate." "Snow." Laughing softly, she leaned on her arms on his chest. He pushed her hair from her face, enjoying the firelight bouncing off her body. "I want you to look at me like that forever." He wanted to tell her he would, but he didn’t know if he could. The thought of hurting her again tore at him, but the thought of trusting her..... Gently, he pushed her off him. "I’m comfortable." She pouted at him. "Sorry. I have to get up." Watching him go up the stairs, she almost called out to him before she realized why he was going. He would probably never go in the bathroom down there again. Once was enough. Her mind started to go back there again, but she shook her head. She wanted to relive a lot of memories with him tonight, but that was DEFINITELY not one of them. The thought that he had done some of what he’d done with her to prove he could went through her mind. Exorcizing the demons and all that. If part of it was that, it was okay with her. A bigger part of it was how he felt about her. She knew that. "I missed you so much, I wanted you so badly. Kevin, I never intended for sex to get us back together. But if that’s how it starts, I’ll live with it." Smiling a very contented smile, she laid down and waited for him. When he came back down, he put more wood on the fire before lying behind her and wrapping his body around hers. Chapter 8
Kevin shook her gently. "Lucy?" Kissing the back of her neck, he nibbled gently. Without opening her eyes, she reached back and grabbed his hair. "Good start." He mocked shock at her. "What? Are you trying to kill me?" She shrugged. "Can I help it if I can’t get enough of you?" "Oh well. What a way to die." Laughing, Kevin started to get to his feet, then stumbled. His legs felt like stone. Regaining his balance, he reached down to pull her to her feet. She started to move, but it felt like every joint in her body was frozen. "Let go. Let go. It hurts. I can’t move." "It’s-" "The water. I know. Believe me, knowing why I hurt doesn’t make it hurt any less." "We need to get you to GH and get you looked at." "You looked at me. That’s all I need." She smiled at him. "I mean an examination. Hypo-" "I know, I know. Hypothermia, and all that." Forcing herself to move, she winced. "Oh, God that hurts." With Kevin’s help, she slowly climbed to her feet. While he put more wood on the fire, she twisted, bent, and cracked every joint in an effort to make them move more smoothly. He handed her clothes to her. "Dry, and warm. They should help." It was a struggle, but she got them on without dropping the warm blanket. Picking up his cell phone, he tried it. It had been in his pocket when he went in the water after Lucy. He’d hoped it would dry out and work. Nothing. Not even static. Shaking his head, he looked at her. "So we wait for the sun to melt the ice on the bridge and drive my car out." Lucy laughed. "How are you going to attach a shoved to the front of the car?" Looking outside, Kevin saw what she meant. At least three feet of snow had fallen. The car was a white lump amongst drifts that went about six feet in places. "Okay, next plan?" She put her arms around him. "We stay here and keep each other warm until the snow melts." "Until spring?" "Perfect." He touched her face. "That would be perfect. They’d find us here starved and frozen." "But together." She kissed his hand. "What’s in the kitchen?" Heading that way with him, she shook her head. "Not much. Sandwich meat, diet soda. I was planning on leaving today." "And I know you. When you’re alone, you hardly eat." He opened the refrigerator. "You’re right. Not much. Enough for a couple sandwiches." Turning on the faucet, Lucy started to wash her hands. At first the water was fine, but all of a sudden her hands were covered with brown water and mud. "Oh, great. A pipe must have broken. Grab me a towel, quick. This stuff is disgusting." Kevin ran down the hall, but didn’t come back. After few minutes, Lucy shook her hands and followed. She found him standing in the downstairs bathroom against the sink. Staring at the tub, he was trembling all over. "Kevin? Kevin, look at me." Terrified, she stepped in front of him. "I’m sorry. I didn’t think about it." He started to push her out of the way, but she grabbed him. "Kevin, look at me." He didn’t answer. "Doc?" Wrapping her arms around his waist, she pulled him towards the door. "Don’t touch me!" He shoved her away from him and into the wall. Bouncing off the wall, she reached for him again. "Don’t do this. Please come out with me." "I said NO!" Blind with rage, he gripped her hair and her arm and threw her. This time she hit the doorjamb face first. It didn’t knock her out, but it did stun her and she fell. The sound of her crying further infuriated him. "Stop it! Stop crying!" He slid to his knees. Sliding across the floor, Lucy sat on her knees beside him. "Kevin, it’s not happening. You’re with me. Lucy. Remember? Please look at me." Suddenly it was like he was no longer Kevin. He grabbed her. "You always wanted to know! You had to know! Questions, always asking! You can’t just leave it alone, can you?! You really don’t want to know! But you won’t stop until you do! You always wanted to know! You want to know what you’re missing? Fine!" She had no idea what he was talking about. Until he threw her down on the floor. Afraid of what he wanted, but more afraid of trying to stop him, she helped him undress her. He was like a stranger. Never before had he touched her with so much anger. She bit her lip to keep from crying out when he hurt her. He continued to scream at her until it was over. Then it was as if he suddenly realized where he was. And what he had just done. Crawling away from her, absolute horror on his face, he stopped against the bathtub. By the time Lucy was dressed and next to him, his face was in his hands and he was sobbing. She was crying as hard as he was. "It’s okay. It’s okay. You’re not there anymore. Kevin, you’re here with me. I love you. You’re here. Look at me. Please look at me." "How can you even look at me?" "I love you." She pushed the hair from his face. He was soaked in sweat. "How? After what I’ve just done to you." "It’s okay. I love you. I know you love me." "Lucy, what I just did had nothing to do with love. I hurt you. I couldn’t stop. I wanted to hurt you. How could I?" He was hysterical now. "How could I hurt you? You’ve been better to me than anyone I’ve ever known. And what I just did to you..." His eyes met hers, and his throat tightened to the point he could barely whisper. "I... I..." She saw what he was thinking in his eyes, and she shook her head. "No. No, you didn’t. You’re not capable of that. I-" "I didn’t? What would you call it?" "It wasn’t.... that. I didn’t say no. I could’ve stopped you." "Who are you trying to convince, Lucy? Me? Or yourself?" She couldn’t answer. So she didn’t. "The point is, I didn’t try to stop you." "Lucy, is that what you wanted? Was that how you wanted it? The truth." "You...I’m sorry." She started to cry harder. "You’re sorry? You have no reason to be sorry. Look at me. You have no reason to be sorry. I’m the one who’s sorry. I haven’t been in here since that night. I shouldn’t have come in here. It just brought everything back...." His voice trailed off and his eyes drifted towards the tub. "You weren’t in the here and now." Turning his face with her hand, she got in his face. "You’re here now. Don’t go back there. Come on. Get up. You don’t ever have to come in here again. We’ll tear it down. We’ll tear the whole house down. Why didn’t you think of it before? We’ll just tear it down. We don’t even have to tear down the front. We’ll build a monument to the tree to thank it for giving us the idea." She rambled, but this wasn’t ‘Lucy babble’. She continued to talk to keep Kevin’s mind with her. Finally he stood. "You’re right about never coming in here again." He stopped and looked at her again. "I love you so much. How-" "That sounds so good to me." She didn’t want him to finish. "I know you love me. I also know how much I’ve hurt you. Abused you." "No, you haven’t" This was not where she wanted to conversation to go. Pulling her to the mirror, he turned her to see herself. "Look at your face. I did that." Her face was already beginning to bruise where she’d hit the door jam. Meeting her eyes with his own in the mirror, he wrapped his arms around her. "I’ve shoved you, I’ve hit you, and you can call it whatever you like, what I just did to you.... it was..." She shook her head, but he held her gently. "It was violent. And ugly. I hurt you." "I’m fine. I just want you to be okay." He didn’t answer. Instead he walked out of the bathroom and stood in the kitchen. "Hey, Doc." Speaking softly, she walked up behind him. "You’re going to be okay." "No, I’m not, Lucy! Can’t you see that?!" Angrily, he turned to face her and reached for her. Before she could stop herself, a look of fear crossed her face and she cringed. "See? You’re afraid of me. How can you love someone you’re afraid of?" "I’m not afraid of you." "Don’t lie to me, Lucy. You promised." "Okay. I’m a little scared. But I know you don’t mean to hurt me. I know when you do, you’re more hurt than I am. I love you. I can love you even if I’m a little afraid of you. I wish you could love me." "Can I? Of course I can love you." "You just can’t be with me. That hurts worse than..." She stopped. He couldn’t answer her. So he went back to the living room and sat in front of the fireplace. She picked up a blanket and snuggled up to him under it. Lying in his arms, she held his hands. "Right now, I feel like nothing or no one could get to me. I feel like you’d protect me from anything." "Except myself. That’s the point." "I feel safe with you. That’s the point." He didn’t answer her, except to hold her tighter against him. It
wasn’t five minutes before she fell asleep. Sleep was the last thing he
thought he would ever be able to do again. He couldn’t stop his mind replaying
what had happened. It wasn’t right for her to have to go through this with
him again. What he’d done to her.....his mind kept screaming ‘rape’, but
he knew she would never admit it.
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