Disclaimer: *puts hand over heart* I do not own these characters with which I play. They belong to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy and I'm sure UPN doesn't want me fiddling with them either. I promise not to get them too dirty and return them when I'm done in nearly mint condition.

Ditribution: Maybe. Just drop me an email and reviewing is always nice too.

Reviews: YES, GOD, PLEASE! Ooh, did I shout? Dreadfully sorry. It's just a click. Won't hurt a fly. So, yeah, um, that's that then.

Rating: Nothing too racy yet but it will be NC-17 I'm sure. They all end up that way.

Summary: Spike comes back to SunnyD...well read it and see... Buffy and Dawn visit the mall... Someone unexpected...Let's just say that this will be a return to some funniness and wackiness I believe. Hope you enjoy it!





Buffy stopped in her tracks in the middle of the mall, her face going very still. It couldn't be.

Dawn turned with a careful look, scanning the big open space teeming with people. "What's wrong, Buffy? Is it a vampire?"

"Yes, no, maybe," Buffy answered, little lines furrowing her brow.

Dawn tensed, her face becoming steely. "Where are they?"

"Dawn, can you go ahead and wait for me at the fountain," Buffy asked, meeting Dawn's eyes intently.

"Buffy, you know we're in this together now. I want to be by your side," Dawn argued fiercely, the old hurt whinyness creeping in just a little bit.

"Dawn, it's not that. I just...need to talk to him alone," Buffy said, her eyes very soft and vulnerable.

Dawn stepped closer, slow realization filtering into her big eyes. "Is it...him? Is he...back?" she asked softly.

"Dawn," Buffy said and the word held all her supplication.

"Don't go see him alone...not after-," Dawn said forcefully.

Buffy sighed. Grabbing Dawn's hand in the spirit of sisterhood she turned around and marched into the store they'd passed by a few moment's ago.

He was standing in the back corner looking at a row of silver necklaces. You couldn't mistake that hair. Shocking silver blonde against pale skin. He wore a black shirt of some soft material that clung to the lean muscles of his back and chest and the standard black jeans. Black boots bunched the fabric around his ankles, a silver buckle that screamed punk and trailing laces casually visible.

"Spike," Buffy questioned hesitantly.

He stiffened and barely turned, looking at them out of the corner of his eye. He turned back to the display of silver. "Buffy." A little warmer, "Hello, Dawn."

"Spike." Dawn's voice was hard.

"Where-" Buffy stopped herself quickly, "What are you doing here?"

"Spike!" a shrill voice called across the mall. "I found it, just like you said!" the girl called, throwing herself into his chest, a shirt on a hanger clutched in her hands. She had long shining blonde hair shimmering around the ghost of a tan. She was wearing all pink but it wasn't until she turned to them with her cherubic face split in a triumphant smile that Buffy recognized her. Harmony.

Harmony's eyes hardened to a turbulent black and her voice became petulant. "Why are you talking to her," Harmony moaned.

Harmony had to die. It was all Buffy could think right then. She breathed deeply as anger suffused her body. Her eyes caught the thing in Harmony's hand and her eyes narrowed. It was a sheer, black, see-through shirt. Didn't she have one just like that? "Back to big, blonde, bimbos, Spike?" Buffy asked in a particularly harsh tone. Too late she remembered her own blonde hair.

Spike hadn't. He almost had to smile. It was too precious. Harmony pouted and wrapped her arms tighter around him. "Come on Spikey-bear, let's get out of here," she said before her voice grew haughty and she continued, "the slayer needs new clothes more than me anyway."

She spun and promptly ruined her jab by paying for the filmy blouse and waiting the interminable minutes for the cashier to ring up the purchase.

Buffy said soft and low, seething actually, knowing only he would hear her. "Nice to see you've moved on, again."

Ah yes, couldn't leave out a quick little reminder of Anya. He really was quite the little bed-hopper when she thought about it. Slut. Male Slut. Slut bunny. Hopping around with the slutty and all that. Her mind whirred through the mental images in her little rage. She didn't stop to consider why she was so very, very pissed.

Harmony swiped up her bag in a huff and flounced from the store, dragging Spike behind her. Buffy's lips quivered as she wanted to say it. Finally she called out in her loudest voice, "Slutbunny!"

Harmony whipped around to stare at Buffy who was still in the expensive little shop, sucked in her unnecessary vampire breath and stomped her foot. "Spike, did you hear what she called me!?"

Spike's jaw tightened and he strode forward, this time dragging Harmony. As they moved away from the slayer and her wrath he muttered, "she wasn't talking to you."





Buffy and Dawn hadn't made many purchases as they had had to avoid the majority of trendy stores in the mall, but they had made a few. Currently they were all being held by Dawn as Buffy strode ahead ranting. "I can't believe he comes back, now, no word, and with her."

"Buffy, didn't you want him gone? Moving on and all that?" Dawn asked as she struggled with the packages.

"Yes, of course!" Buffy declared before spinning around and stopping in front of Dawn. "I mean, Harmony! Of all people!" She vaguely noticed Dawn's distress and snatched up a few bags. "He leaves right before the big apocalypse, doesn't even have the decency to stay to watch you-"

"I didn't need to be wa-"

"And then waltzes back without even a how-do-you-do?! Everybody still breathing? Who does that! He is such an arrogant pig," she firmly finished, her tirade ebbing.

"No, Buffy, tell us how you really feel," Dawn said with an amused smile.





Spike walked into his crypt without knocking. It was still his crypt after all. But then Spike walked into every place like he owned it. Good way to assert power and get noticed. Or so it had always worked in the past. The four demons seated around a little round table, however, took no notice. He cleared his throat and glared at Clem who only raised friendly eyes and said, "Oh, hi, Spike. Back already?"

"Yes, I'm bloody well back," Spike muttered and threw himself down into his armchair.

"Hey guys, I think Spike needs some alone time," Clem said with a professional nod to the little group. The green demon with webbed fingers and great, gasping gills on his neck picked up the cards and shuffled them back together. The identical blue demons stood up and crossed around the table. They leaned against each other and slowly began to meld back into one. They squidged together with a slurping sound and ambled out the door as a much bigger version of their former selves. The green demon handed the cards to Clem and picked up a water bottle, spritzing himself lightly.

"See you later, Clem," the demon said as he walked out of the crypt still spritzing himself. He almost bumped into the curvy blonde girl walking in.

"Hey, watch it, buddy!" she huffed with a sneer on her pouty lips. She waltzed in like she owned the place as well. Spike rolled his eyes and banged his head back against the chair a few times as she strolled over to him. "Home sweet home, huh, my platinum baby," she cooed.

"No, Harm, it is not home," he stressed. "It is a place to stay. That's all."

She pouted and then decided to ignore his comment. "Aren't you going to carry my stuff in?" she asked as she sat on the arm of his chair and stroked a hand down his cheek.

"No, Harm, for the last time, I will be doing nothing of the sort, from carrying your luggage to sliding into your knickers," he said, peeling her hand away from him.

"Fine! Be that way," she yelled as she jumped to her feet. "You big meany!" Then she turned and went out into the night, presumably to get her things, but Spike sincerely hoped she wasn't coming back.

Clem stood pensively to the side. When the vampire had disappeared out the door he stepped forward and said in a soft, concerned voice, "Spike, what's going on?"

"Penance," was all Spike could muster as he slouched grumpily in the chair.

"Penance or not I don't think the slayer is going to be too happy about it," Clem whispered conspiratorially.

Spike laughed. "You may be right, Clem."

Harmony stumbled back into the room hefting a tattered suitcase and a few trendy shopping bags slung over her shoulder. She noticed Clem and shoved them into his arms with a disgusted sneer. Then in a mock whisper she turned to Spike and said, loud enough for everyone to hear, "Who is this guy? He's all flabby and ewwww!"

An amused smile twisted his mouth. You just had to laugh at her or you'd drive yourself insane. "Harmony, this is Clem...Clem meet Harmony."

"Oh," Clem said, enlightenment dawning. "So this is...Harmony." He obviously wasn't pleased to meet her and Clem was usually pleased to meet anybody.

"Charmed," Harmony answered and it was also obvious that she was not. She turned to Spike, disregarding the demon still holding her stuff. "So, Spike," she began in her sexiest voice, "where will I be sleeping tonight?"

"Not in my bed," he quickly answered. "You take the slab." Then he remembered certain people's certain tendencies to barge into places. He stood up and prowled toward Harmony. "On second thought," he said slowly, drawing it out, meeting her eyes, "you can have the bed..."

Harmony preened and beamed, her dinner flushing her cheeks. Spike stroked a hand down the now rosy flesh.

"I'll take the slab," he finished flatly. Harmony gave a shocked gasp and slapped him on the chest.

"You're such a pig, Spike," she said with a pout and grabbed her bags from Clem before walking to the ladder and climbing down into the bedroom below.

Still a little bit evil if nothing else, Spike assured himself, before turning back to Clem and asking in a completely normal tone, "Poker?" He felt an odd little twinge that reminded him he was being nice to Harmony for a reason but this time he silenced it.