Cordelia Quotes
Cordelia: I grew up in a nice home. It wasn't like this, but we did have a room or two that we didn't even know what they were for. Until the IRS got all huffy about my folks not paying taxes for, well, ever. They took it all.
Cordelia: Hi! If you're in trouble just call this number. We can help. Hi! Being harassed by someone or something? Dial us up, day or night. Hey, you look troubled, or is that just your lazy eye? Anyway, call us, we're very discreet.
Cordelia: I've known a lot of demons, and slime aside, not a lot going on there.
Cordelia: Doyle filled me in on your little mission. So I was just saying, if we're going to help people, maybe a small charge. You know, something to help pay the rent, and my salary. You need somebody to organize things, and you're not exactly rolling in it Mr. I-was-alive-for-200-years-and-never-developed-an-investment-portfolio.
Cordelia: You know what? I get it. You're a ghost. You're dead! Big accomplishment! Move on! You see a light anywhere? Go towards it!
Cordelia: Okay, you're getting weird about this ring. Since when did you go all Versace about accessorizing?
Cordelia: Whoo! Cold wind! Scary. What're you gonna do? Chap me to death?
Cordelia: Oh goody, another of Doyle's guys. Tell me, is this the same guy that helped me find my poltergeistilicious apartment?
Cordelia: I'm not a sniveling whiny little Cry-Buffy. I'm the nastiest girl in Sunnydale history. I take crap from no one.
Cordelia: I'm so glad we came down here to watch Late Night with Creepy Cop Lady.
Cordelia: He's a good cook for someone on a liquid diet.
Cordelia: There are portals now? When did they put in portals? Don't we have enough on our hands with out burning monsters fiends coming here?
Cordelia: You can always tell when he's happy. His scowl? Slightly less scowly.
Cordelia: Here, another guy ran into something he referred to as the Bitch from Hell, who sent him home with paramedics.
Cordelia: Are you telling me self-mutilating, psycho assassin chick reached enlightenment?
Cordelia: I ever meet those Powers That Be, I am going to punch them in the nose. Do you think they have a nose?
Cordelia: We have an exciting new case, could be aliens, could be adultery. It's a corker!
Cordelia: Maybe it's time we pay your stoolie a little visit. Make with the chin-music (raises her fist) until he canaries. (pause) I've been watching a little noir festival on Bravo.
Cordelia: (To Wesley) Right. This is Angel. 'Oh, I can't do anything fun tonight. I have to count my past sins, then alphabetize them. Oh, by the way, I'm thinking of snapping on Friday."
Cordelia: Unless there is a website called "www.ohbythewaywehaveDarlastashed here.com", we're pretty much out of luck.
Cordelia: I'm not big on Shrouds, they're an after you die outfit.
Cordelia: You can bet if someone ordered a male body part for religious sacrifice... the world would be Atheist... (snaps fingers) like THAT!
Cordelia: I'm sorry but after 400 years of death and destruction, it seems to me, you get voted off the island. Am I right?
Cordelia: Hitting the pause button. Wolfram and Hart, as in vampire detectors, crack security system and armed guards. Nice plan, General Custer.
Cordelia: One thing you can say about Angel, at least he's consistent. It's always some little blonde driving him over the edge.
Cordelia: Maybe we can buy one of those star maps, find out where Steven Seagal lives. You tellin' me he got to be a movie star without a little demonic assistance?
Cordelia: Listen, I've been impregnated by demon spawn before. Let's just say, didn't really work out.
Cordelia: Oh, my god! These are gorgeous! You have the most amazing taste! You have, like, a gay man's taste! And that's saying something. I love them so much!
Cordelia: Well, it's not like my throne couldn't use a few extra cushions, but I'm not really gonna complain because, well -- throne.
Cordelia: In kind of a hurry to get back to the Cordelia's-not-a-princess-dimension, aren'tcha?
Cordelia: If you ever figure out how to get us out of here, I want you to find me a dimension where some demon doesn't want to impregnate me with its spawn! I mean, is that just too much to ask?
Cordelia: What is it about me, anyway? Do I put out some kind of Com-Shuk-me vibe? You'd tell me, right?
Cordelia: No, no, I like the filthy head-- that is, I need to defile it more. I will keep it to spit upon and when I tire of that I will make it into a planter -- a traitor planter for all to see! Or maybe a candy dish.
Cordelia: It's gorgeous! Look how it brings out my breasts! Like you weren't all thinkin' it.
Cordelia: Sure I like her. What's not to like? She's sweet and adorable and…seems to be laughing at something that shrub just said.
Cordelia: Let me tell you, if Julia Roberts ever makes a realistic movie about being an escort, it should be called "Pretty Skanky Woman."
Cordelia: Angel! Willow's on the phone. She's alive. Buffy's alive!
Cordelia: Wait! Angel, you can't barge into a police precinct and go all Terminator.
Cordelia: Actually, I'm feeling superior because I have an arrow pointed at your jugular. And the irony of using a phallic shaped weapon? Not lost on me.
Cordelia: Huh. So, I guess you could say that your demoness makes less petty than humans. Almost noble I mean, in a twisted, dark and really disturbing kind of way.
Cordelia: That the end is coming. Well, all we can do is live each moment to the fullest and be grateful that we didn't throw too much money at the NASDAQ.
Cordelia: You don't have a woman's touch - whatever your taste in clothing may indicate.
Cordelia: You're furious? I get bodyjacked on my birthday and you're the one that's furious?
Cordelia: So, let me get this straight: Angel gets the visions of people who are gonna die, and he tells you and you go out and slay and...this is how you make your living? This has got to be the suckiest job in the world.
Cordelia: Dancing vampires. Who's not scared?
Cordelia: Up to his ass in demon gore, fine, but ask him to mack on a hottie and he wigs. My champion, ladies and gentlemen.
Cordelia: You know, we should probably just not talk about our little adventure. Anything that might have been seen, anything that might have been, oh, perky --
Cordelia: Tried soaking it out, tried scrubbing it out... No question, we got ring around the lobby. I say we toss in the towel and buy a big ass throw rug. Who's with me?
Cordelia: So maybe, if we're very very lucky, later today we'll be able to kill something. You'd like that, wouldn't you?
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