Soul Purpose
(Columns Theater – Night)
(Angel's lying on the floor of the darkened stage, coughing, spitting up blood. He gasps as he pulls the stake out of his shoulder. Finally, with a pained grunt, Angel rolls over and sits up, looking at Spike, who's standing in front of the lit pedestal staring at a golden chalice. Spike grabs the cup.)
Angel: Spike... Spike, wait. That's not a prize you're holding. It's not a trophy. It's a burden. It's a cr—
Spike: Blah, blah, blah. Give it a rest, hero. I win, you lose, and all your talking's not gonna change that.
Angel: It's not your destiny. It's mine.
Spike: (turns to face Angel, still holding the cup) Still can't accept it? It's pathetic, really. All your life's been a lie. Everything you've done—the lives you've saved, dreams of redemption—all that pain... all of it for nothing. 'Cause this... (looks at the cup) was never about you. Cheers. (drinks from the cup)
Angel: No.
(Spike drinks deeply from the cup as warm light shines upon him from above. Upon finishing drinking, Spike exhales sharply, straightening up his body and letting the cup fall from his hands. The cup clangs as it hits the ground and rolls (in slow motion) at Spike's feet. Angel watches with a pained expression on his face as Spike basks in the light. When the light fades from Spike, Angel starts groaning, gasping, and screaming painfully as his face disintegrates, burning into a fiery nothingness.)
(W&H – Angel’s Office – Night)
(Angel awakens with a start, panting and in a cold sweat. He looks around, realizing he's sitting in his office chair at his desk in his office at Wolfram & Hart.)
(Strip Club)
(Spike is sitting alone in the "Peppermint Stick", a strip club. He's at a table near the stage, disinterestedly watching the blonde girl dance around a pole as he sips his whisky. As Spike finishes his drink, he sets the glass on the table and reaches into his jeans to get money for another one. But before he can order, someone places a fresh drink on his table. Spike looks up to see the man (the same man that Eve was talking to at the end of 5x08 "Destiny") standing in front of his table, staring at Spike and smiling.)
(NOTE: This man at the club is the spitting image of Lindsey McDonald from Seasons 1 & 2 of Angel, but he has not yet identified himself as such. Since I have no idea who he is I will simply call him Lindsey Looking Guy or LLG.)
Spike: (looks up at the man) Ahh. (sniffs) Uh, yeah, thanks... but not really my type, Mary. So be a good lad and push off. (He pushes the man's drink away, places his money on the table. The man continues to look at Spike without leaving.) What are you gawking at?
LLG: A guy like you, whiling away his time in some cheesy downtown strip dive. Look like somebody who's feeling kinda lost.
Spike: Is that right? Funny, thought I knew exactly where I was. (points at the sign over the stage) Place called the Peppermint Stick. (points at the pole dancer) Prima ballerina up there's Sunshine. Though I'm fairly certain that's not her real name.
LLG: You know... we really should talk.
Spike: (sighs) You know? Really not. (stands, gets up in the man's face) I don't know what you're selling, but best you peddle your wares someplace else if you know what's good for you. (turns to walk away)
LLG: Hey, Spike... (Spike stops walking) get any interesting mail lately?
Spike: (turns to face the man) Who the bloody hell are you?
LLG: (sits at the table) Your new best friend.
Spike: You?! You say you're responsible for me being back? (walks up to the man) You sent that package with the de-ghosting mojo.
LLG: And?
Spike: The amulet. (the man points a finger at Spike, indicating "bingo") You mailed that thing to Wolfram & Hart.
LLG: Hey, couldn't leave your spirit trapped in a bauble at the bottom of a hellmouth, could we?
Spike: And who's "we"?
LLG: Come on, Spike. You must know there's a lot of folks out there that are interested in you. (starts to sip his drink) Powerfully interested, one might say—
(Spike angrily grabs the man's wrist, knocking the glass from the his hand, causing it to shatter on the floor.)
Spike: Enough with the cryptic, butch. I want to know who... (looks at the symbols tattooed on the man's forearm) ...or what you are... what you want, and how fast I can snap your forearm before you answer.
LLG: You can call me Doyle. (they glare at each other) But it's not what I want... it's what you want. (Spike lets the man's arm go; the man grunts) You got your life back now. What are you gonna do about it?
(W&H – Lobby)
(Wesley and Gunn are having a heated discussion as they walk down the hall toward the lobby.)
Wesley: I say we make a pre-emptive strike. Remove him before he and his followers go underground.
Gunn: Assassination?
Wesley: We're talking about an evil warlock here. The longer we wait, the more powerful he becomes.
(They walk up to Harmony's desk, still arguing.)
Gunn: I don't plan on waiting.
Wesley: Really? What is your plan?
Gunn: We open a can of Machiavelli on his ass.
Harmony: (rolls her eyes) It's Matchabelli, Einstein, and it doesn't come in a can.
Gunn: Is he in?
Harmony: Is who in?
(Wesley and Gunn both roll their eyes, then walk toward Angel's office.)
(Angel’s Office)
(The door opens, and Wesley and Gunn walk into Angel's office still arguing. Angel sits at his desk, seemingly confused at this sight.)
Wesley: What you're proposing could take weeks. We can't afford the delay.
Gunn: 48 hours, maximum. There are at least 2 initiates to his inner circle who'd jump at the chance to overthrow him.
Wesley: You're overlooking the tactical merits of my assassination scenario.
Angel: Guys—
Gunn: Hey, in my plan, he still wakes up dead by Thursday.
Angel: Guys! (Wesley and Gunn stop arguing and look at Angel) C.E.O., right here, in the dark.
Wesley: Sorry, Angel. (hands Angel a file) Lucien Drake. He's a warlock.
Gunn: An evil warlock and a cult leader. Got over a thousand followers. We're pretty sure they sold most of their children down the Hades river in return for some serious demonic mojo.
Wesley: One more religious fringe group stockpiling weapons, but in this case, the weapons are black magicks of the most dangerous variety.
Angel: (sighs) And you want Wolfram & Hart to stop them.
Gunn: Not so much stopping as... (looks at Wes)
Wesley: (looks at Gunn) ...as redirecting their energies.
Gunn: See, a cult this big has alliances, connections. If we confront them directly, it could be very bad for business.
Wesley: But if we eliminate their leader covertly...
Gunn: ...then they spend the next billing cycle fighting among themselves to hack out the new pecking order.
Angel: (flips through the file) Uh-huh... So are we doing this because it's right... or because it's cost-effective?
Gunn: Uh, well, a little of both actually.
Wesley: Yes, oddly, once again we find ourselves in a bit of a gray—
Angel: Don't...
Wesley: —area.
Angel: ...say that! (raises his voice in frustration) Can we just get through one damn day without saying that? (sighs, rubs his forehead) OK. Explain it to me again.
(Strip Club)
(Spike, who was sitting at the table with Lindsey, stands.)
Spike: I've heard enough. (walks toward the exit)
LLG: (stands, follows Spike) Don't you even want to know why you came back to L.A.? You hate this city. There's gotta be a reason, right?
Spike: You talk a lot for somebody saying nothing.
LLG: (puts his hand on Spike's shoulder to stop him) You've got a destiny—
(Spike turns on him, putting his hand to his throat, violently pushing his back to the wall.)
Spike: Like the destiny that was supposed to be at the bottom of a cup of perpetual nothing?
LLG: What? (Spike slams Doyle's back against the wall again) Unh!
Spike: Know so much about me, you must know I get really violent when I'm being played. It was you who sent Angel and me on that wild goose chase.
LLG: I don't know anything! (gasps as Spike releases him roughly) I'm just doing what they tell me. (walks away from the wall, paces)
Spike: They?
LLG: (points skyward) They! (points to the ground) Them! (gestures toward Spike) Bringing you back. Look, I'm just a guy. I'm nobody. A drifter. I was minding my own business, and then one day— (pumps his fists) Wham! I start having these visions.
Spike: Visions?
LLG: (softly) Yeah, like brain pictures, but they hurt. Like when you eat ice cream too fast. You start seeing people in trouble... (looks down, then looks at Spike)...who need a champion.
Spike: Hey, you are barking up the wrong vampire. That's Angel's beat.
LLG: Angel's not in the picture anymore. All right? He's working the other side of the tracks. Nobody is out there helping the people that really need help.
Spike: What, so I'm supposed to jump every time you get a vision of someone in dire peril?
LLG: Why do you think we're having this conversation? I had one right before I came here. You don't have to believe me, but if a young girl gets murdered tonight and you didn't lift a finger to stop it, ask yourself... can you live with that?
(Dark Alley)
(A vampire is attacking a girl in a dark alley, pinning her back against the wall. He bends over the girl's neck. Spike walks up behind the vampire.)
Spike: Evening.
Vampire: (turns his head, growls at Spike) Get lost!
Spike: Already am, according to some.
Vampire: What?
Girl: Help me!
Vampire: I don't think you heard me. (The girl whimpers and sobs as the vampire crowds her. Spike continues approaching them, and the vampire throws the girl to the ground roughly.) Get out of here.
Spike: Can't do it.
Vampire: You just made the biggest mistake of your life—
(Spike punches the vampire in the face, then knocks him into a wooden porch located at the side of the alley, causing the rails to splinter. Spike pushes the vampire's back into the splinters, turning the vampire into dust.)
Girl: (stands, incredulous) Thank you! Thank you! That thing was gonna kill me!
Spike: Well, what do you expect? Out alone in this neighborhood? I got half a mind to kill you myself, you half-wit.
Girl: What?!
Spike: I mean, honestly, what kind of retard wears heels like that in a dark alley? Take 2 steps, break your bloody ankle.
Girl: I was just trying to get home.
Spike: (pushes her shoulder, ushering her down the alley toward a lit street) Well, get a cab, you moron. (calling after her as she walks away) And on the way, if a stranger offers you candy, don't get in the van! (under his breath) Stupid cow.
LLG: (sitting on a nearby fire escape landing) Believe me now?
Spike: What, your victim vision? Please. Can't throw a bloody stone in this town without hitting some bimbo in trouble.
LLG: (walks down the fire escape stairs toward Spike) Tough guy, huh? Nice work, by the way, takin' out that vamp.
Spike: (looking around, unimpressed) Oh, yeah. Epic battle. My finest hour.
LLG: You just saved a girl's life. It's nothing to laugh off. Though you could try being a little nicer next time. You almost made her cry.
Spike: Next time?
LLG: Well, that's up to you. A lot more people need saving.
Spike: News flash, sparky: Don't need your help. Been saving people long before you showed up.
LLG: Not like this. You just helped a person when there wasn't anything in it for you. That's not like the Spike I know.
Spike: Oh, is that right? And what Spike is that?
LLG: The Spike that's only out for himself. The one who does good deeds to impress...women.
Spike: (angrily) You'd best watch your—
LLG: I'm just sayin'. You did good. From what I hear Angel didn't save the girl on his first mission.
Spike: What's Angel got to do with this?
LLG: Well... nothin'. Not anymore.
(W&H – Angel’s Office)
(Wesley and Gunn are still arguing while Angel looks on from behind his desk. Fred walks into the office carrying a file folder.)
Gunn: I know how these people think, Wes!
Wesley: And I know what we have in our arsenal, Charles!
Fred: Guys, I can hear you out in the lobby. (walks between them to hand the file to Angel) The week's lab reports, Angel.
Wesley: Fred, doesn't the Wolfram & Hart satellite have lethal capability?
Fred: What?
Wesley: I mean, couldn't we eliminate a target from the air, untraceably?
Fred: Well, we do have an orbital-range microwave cannon up there. Focuses the satellite's communications signals into a pinpoint beam. It can raise the temperature of the targeted area 1,000 degrees in less than 5 seconds. So, yeah, in theory, we could. That is, if we did that sort of thing. (to Angel) Do we do that sort of thing?
(Focus the shot on Angel. The sound of the others arguing fade into faint noises as Angel gets lost in troubled thought.)
Wesley: It might be the thing to do.
Gunn: Think someone won't notice us firing a sci-fi death ray from outer space?
Fred: Well, actually, the beam reads like cell phone static on most atmospheric scanning equipment.
Angel: Let's kill them all.
(Everyone looks at Angel.)
Fred: What?
Angel: Warlocks, minions—they're all evil. Sold their kids to the devil. Let's just wipe 'em all out. We got the power to do that, right?
Wesley: Yes, but, Angel—
Angel: (stands, in a frenzy) Why don't we? Let's just get back to the basics: Good versus evil. Offing the monsters where we find them.
Gunn: We have to tread light here, Angel. We can't afford to— Are you all right?
Angel: (sighs, rubs his head) I'm just...tired. Gunn, get a meeting with your best Judas. Feel him out, but don't tip your hand. Any hint of him carrying word back to Drake, we go with Wes' plan.
Fred: Are you sure you're all right?
Gunn: You don't look so good.
Angel: Yeah, I, uh, just... need to get some rest.
Fred: Go. Rest. And maybe sleep in tomorrow.
Angel: No, there's too much on our schedule.
Wesley: There's nothing we can't handle.
Gunn: Yeah, anything earth-shattering comes up, we know where to find you.
(Angel ambles to his personal elevator with labored breathing.)
(Angel’s Apartment)
(Angel steps out of his elevator into his dark apartment. The elevator doors close behind him.)
Wesley: Angel...
(Angel stops in mid-step, unaware that anyone else was there. He turns to look at Wesley who walks up behind him.)
Angel: Hey, Wes.
Wesley: You're barely on your feet. Here. (ushers Angel to the couch)
Angel: (groans) I, uh, I think... I—I think I'm sick.
Wesley: Vampires don't get sick.
Angel: (groaning as he sits on the couch) I don't feel right.
Wesley: Well, that's understandable. You've got a lot on your mind. Must be hard adjusting to the new situation.
Angel: (confused) Situation?
Wesley: Finally coming to grips with the truth... that you're irrelevant.
Angel: What?
Wesley: It's difficult to face, I know. But things could've been much worse. Spike's arrival's actually quite fortuitous. (takes a wooden stake out of his waistband) It'll make this a lot easier.
Angel: Wha—what? What are you— (Wesley stakes Angel in the chest; Angel screams) Aah!
(Angel’s Apartment)
(Angel awakens in his apartment, sitting on the edge of his bed, gasping. He wasn't staked, and no one else is in the room.)
(Alley)
(A man and woman huddle behind a car as a fight takes place just down the alley from them. Spike is fighting two vampires in the alley. They are kicking and punching each other. The scene is filmed in real-time, but some of the action moves are shown in slow-motion: Spike's coat billowing around him as he high-kicks a vampire on the top of a car; Spike crouching close to the ground to sweep-kick the ankles of the other vampire, knocking him off balance and sending him to the ground. Spike stands, waiting for the two vampires to charge at him again. There's a clicking noise as Spike's arms stiffen. The vampires run at Spike, who holds his arms out to his sides, revealing he's triggered hidden stakes to unfurl from his wrists. The vampires run into the stakes, and dust screaming. After the dust clears, Spike admires at the gadgets on his wrists. He then looks up at the couple still crouching behind the car.)
Spike: It's all right. You're safe now.
(The man and woman stand.)
Man: What were those things?
Spike: You're better off not knowing, believe me. (turns to walk away)
Woman: Wait. Who are you?
Spike: (without turning to face them, hangs his head, then softly) I'm the hero.
(W&H – Lobby – Day)
(The next morning, Wesley walks up to Harmony's desk holding an inter-office mail envelope.)
Wesley: Harmony, I need you to run these to accounting. Tell them it's about the warlock situation.
Harmony: I'm not allowed to talk to accounting without Angel's approval. I accidentally authorized a few bath-of-the-month subscriptions. On accident.
Wesley: (hands Harmony the envelope) Give them my authorization code. Have them cut a check, send it immediately.
Eve: (walks off the elevator holding an etched stone fragment) That's the spirit—solving problems by throwing money at them. You're starting to get the hang of this job.
Wesley: Something I can help you with, Eve?
Eve: Lookin' for the big man.
Wesley: He's indisposed right now. What can I do for you?
Eve: Yeah, sorry, but I gotta go straight to Angel on this one.
Wesley: Whatever you've got there, Angel's just gonna hand it off to me anyway, so you may as well show it to me now.
Eve: (nods) Fair enough. (hands the relic fragment to Wesley, who looks it over) The senior partners are very interested in this. I don't know what it is, to be honest, and I get the sense that they don't, either. But they must suspect it's powerful because they're chomping at the bit to learn whatever they can.
Wesley: We'll do our best.
Eve: Probably goes without saying, but—
Wesley: I'll have it for you as soon as possible.
Eve: (smiles widely) That's my boy. (exits)
Harmony: (whispers to Wesley) Any business with the senior partners, I'm supposed to tell Angel immediately.
Wesley: I'll take care of it, Harmony.
Harmony: Also, any time something comes in with runes on it, I'm supposed to tell Angel immediately... and not try and read the runes myself... 'cause that can cause a fire.
Wesley: As soon as we have some answers, we'll fill him in. Until then, I think Angel deserves some peace and quiet.
(Angel’s Apartment – Bedroom)
(Angel's sleeping in his bed, groaning feverishly.)
Fred: Angel. (walks into his room, looks at him nervously) You look terrible.
Angel: Fred. I think something's wrong.
Fred: OK. OK, don't worry. I know what to do. (turns away, then turns back with a surgical glove on her hand, snapping it) Let's take a look under the hood.
(Angel’s Bedroom/Fred’s Lab)
(The scenery has changed. Although Angel is still in his bed, the bed seems to be located in Fred's science laboratory now. She's now wearing her lab coat.)
Angel: What? Fred? (Fred snaps a surgical glove on her other hand; Angel looks around, panicked.) What are you doing?
(Fred walks around to the other side of Angel's bed, grabs a scalpel from a tray.)
Fred: It's OK.
Angel: (gasps anxiously as Fred pushes his shirt out of the way) Please...ah! (Fred touches the scalpel to Angel's chest, cutting it open.) Ah! Aah! (he gasps as his chest splits open) Aah!
Fred: Hmm. There. That wasn't so bad, was it? OK. Let's get these out of the way.
Angel: Please, stop.
Fred: (pulls out a flat internal organ) There's your liver. (tosses it into the bucket; pulls out two round internal organs) Oh, there's your kidneys. (tosses them into a bucket; peers into his chest) Oh, don't worry. You're a vampire. You don't need this stuff anyway. Probably should've had it removed a long time ago. (notices something inside Angel) Oop. (reaches deeper inside Angel's chest, causing him to groan in discomfort) Ah! (pulls out a walnut in its shell) There's your heart. (looks at it closely, then chuckles) Hey! What do you know? It is a dried-up little walnut. (shows it to Angel, then throws the walnut into the bucket with a loud clank) So far so good. Let's see... (Fred reaches further into Angel, causing him to groan in pain) Oop. (pulls a long strand of beads out of Angel's body, smiles, puts the pearl-like necklace around her neck, continues to search while Angel groans; inspects something small and black she pulled out of his body) Raisins. (eats one of the raisins) Unh! (pulls a piece of metal out of Angel's chest—it's a blue 1978/79 Mexican license plate with yellow letters "HUZ 332") Hmm. Came up the gulf stream, huh? (tosses the license plate over her shoulder, and it lands on the floor with a clatter; reaches in Angel's body again) Oh. (reaches deeper inside Angel, causing him to wince) Hang on. Oh. (as Angel gasps, Fred pulls a fishbowl half-filled with water out of him; upon closer inspection, she sees a goldfish in the bowl) There's your soul! (notices the goldfish is dead) Ooh. We're gonna have to flush this. Unh. (turns, hands the fishbowl to a man in a bear suit who's standing behind her) Thank you, bear. (turns back to Angel, sighs) Huh!
Angel: (nervously) What's wrong?
Fred: Nothing. I can't seem to find anything wrong with you. I mean... (bends over to look in his chest again) ...except that you're empty. There's nothing left. Just a shell. (puts her ear to his chest) I think I can hear the ocean in there. (calls into his chest, echoing) Hello? Hello!
(Angel’s Apartment)
(Cut back to Angel's apartment to show that Angel is still in his apartment, in his own bed, with his chest uncut, groaning feverishly.)
(Wesley’s Office)
(Wesley is showing the relic fragment Eve gave him to Fred.)
Wesley: She didn't say much else, only that it needed to be done as soon as possible.
Gunn: (knocks on door, walks in) You guys are gonna want to see this. (hands papers to Wesley) Been getting reports of a vigilante prowling the streets last night. A vampire, apparently.
Wesley: (goes to sit at his desk) Angel never left his penthouse. (reads the report) "Vigilante reportedly killed 2 vampires at a gas station, then asked the women he saved if they'd, quote, like to get a bottle of hootch and listen to some Sex Pistols records with him."
Fred: Are we sure Angel's just tired and not, um... crazy?
Gunn: Read the description.
Wesley: "Medium build, black leather coat...platinum blond hair."
(Fred and Gunn look at each other and sigh.)
(Basement Apartment)
(Doyle walks into a basement apartment. Spike waits by the doorway.)
Spike: (sighs) You gotta invite me in.
LLG: It's not my place. It's yours. (walks in, looks around; Spike follows) Building's quiet. Windows don't get direct sunlight. You've got a sewer entrance for your daytime travel.
Spike: What, no cable?
LLG: (chuckles) You got water, electricity, heating—all the basics. Even got a Korean market on the corner. Open all night.
Spike: Look—I appreciate what you've done for me, making me corporeal and all, but I draw the line at being your kept boy. (walks toward the door)
LLG: Oh. You got someplace else to live? I mean, a man of your means must have money tucked away somewhere. You'll find something soon. (Spike stops, looks at him) I'm offering you a place to hang your hat. Or...your coat. Could say thank you.
Spike: Great. Another ruddy basement. (walks back inside)
LLG: You want creature comforts? You can go to Wolfram & Hart. This place has everything you need to be a hero. The job requires somewhat of a... Spartan existence.
Spike: (points to the old-fashioned single bed) You call that a bed?
LLG: Well, it's not like you're gonna be sharing it with anyone any time soon.
(W&H – Angel’s Apartment – Bedroom)
(Angel's panting in his bed, still feverish, when he hears other people panting and groaning in his bed. He turns to see Spike beside him, naked, lying on top of a blonde woman, grinding their bodies together rhythmically.)
Angel: Spike? (tries to look at them)
Spike: (to Angel) Keep it down, mate. You've got something on your shirt there.
Buffy: (her face hidden) Every time I say the word prom, you get grouchy.
Angel: (leans over to get a look at her) Buffy?
Spike: (to Angel) Won't be long now.
Angel: You're taking Buffy to the prom?
Buffy: (her face hidden) Can you say jumping the gun? I killed my goldfish.
Angel: I thought we were going to—
Spike: (to Angel) Shh. I can't be a marathon man with all your yammering.
(Angel stares at Spike and Buffy together with a "hurt puppy" facial expression.)
(Angel’s Bedroom)
(Angel awakens in his bed with a start. He's alone and rolls over and sighs in relief. He sits up, hanging his feet off the edge of the bed.)
(W&H – Lobby)
(Angel steps out of the elevator into the lobby of Wolfram & Hart wearing the same shirt he wore the previous day. Fred walks up to him.)
Fred: Hey! Look who it is. How you feeling?
Angel: Better. Thanks.
Fred: Uh...(laughs) Angel... (looks at his feet)
Angel: (looks at his feet, realizes that they're bare; looks back at Fred) Oh, I...
Fred: (laughs) Always takes me a few days to get back in the swing of things, myself. Um...you should put on a clean shirt, though.
Gunn: (runs up to them, excited) Hey, guys. Come on. You'll miss it.
(Fred follows Gunn to the movie-theater style "Refreshments" stand where Harmony's desk would normally be, where they get popcorn and drinks.)
Angel: Miss what?
(Fred and Gunn walk into Angel's office. Angel follows.)
(Angel’s Office)
(Angel walks into his darkened office to see his team and others from the office staring out the windows.)
Angel: What's everyone— (looks around, realizes they're staring at a fiery downtown Los Angeles) Oh, my God. (walks toward the windows)
Lorne: Hey...down in front!
Harmony: Yeah, Angel. You're blocking the apocalypse.
Angel: I have to do something. I have to get out there!
Wesley: Don't worry. Spike'll take care of it.
Gunn: You should go back to bed.
Lorne: Or at least go put some clean clothes on. You got a little something on your shirt there, babe.
(Angel looks down at a bloody stake sticking out of his heart.)
(Angel’s Bedroom)
(While Angel is dreaming, zoom in on his chest to show a glistening, slimy, blue creature feeding on Angel at the same point on his chest where the stake was in his dream.)
(W&H – Lobby)
(Fred's holding a cake that's decorated with a scene of downtown L.A. on fire, with the words "Way to go Spike!" written in red over the buildings. The whole gang is singing “For He’s A Jolly Good Fellow.”)
Wesley: Speech!
Fred: Speech!
All: Speech, speech, speech, speech!
Spike: (smiling modestly) Well, this is, uh... Thank you, everyone. Um...I don't know what to say. (laughter all around) I'm just a... working-class bloke fulfilling his destiny. It was nothing, really.
(Angel can be seen in the background looking all meek, contrasting sharply against the confident demeanor of Spike right now.)
Fred: Nothing? Spike, you single-handedly ended Armageddon and turned the world into a beautiful, happily-ever-after, candy mountain place where all our dreams come true. (gestures toward the window)
(The others behind Fred follow suit with a cascading gesture toward the window. Outside, downtown Los Angeles is depicted as a fairytale castle with blue skies and green hills and bright sunshine.)
Spike: Beautiful, isn't it?
Gunn: The living end. And now...it's time for your reward.
Wesley: Yes. (points at Spike enthusiastically) Your reward!
Spike: But I didn't do this for a reward.
Gunn: Well, that's why you're getting one.
(Crowd oohs and ahhs as a blue fairy floats into the room toward Spike.)
Wesley: After all, anyone who saves the universe from eternal bloodshed, horror, and misery deserves to get what they've always wanted.
Fred: Deserves to become a real boy.
Fairy: And so you shall.
(She waves her magic wand over Spike's head, sprinkling him with glittery gold fairy dust. Angel watches all of this with confused disappointment.)
Spike: (breathes in, touches his chest) My heart. It's... (turns to the crowd) it's beating again! Listen!
(Angel touches his chest wistfully.)
Fred: (puts her ear to Spike's chest) You're human, Spike! You're alive!
Gunn: Ooh! I wanna hear! (puts his ear to Spike's chest; smiles)
Wesley: Let's hear it for Spike!
(Everyone cheers. Angel looks down at his chest, where he's holding a hand over his still heart. His outfit has changed from suave C.E.O. styles to short-sleeved button-up geek chiq—even his tie is too short. He's standing beside the mail cart. Consigned to his fate, Angel turns away slowly, sadly, and pushes the mail cart down the hallway.)
(Spike’s Apartment)
(Spike opens his new apartment door to find a frowning Gunn and Wesley standing on the other side of it.)
Spike: Well, look who's come to call— Crockett and Tubbs. (walks toward the refrigerator) Come on in, boys. Out of the cold into the damp. (Wes and Gunn walk inside) Suppose I should have expected a visit from Big Brother's L.A. Branch sooner or later. (opens the refrigerator, grabs himself a beer) Can I get you a frosty?
(Wesley and Gunn are both wearing suits, not smiling nor friendly, but instead having an intimidating demeanor of Mafia men or G-men as they question Spike.)
Gunn: What are you up to, Spike?
Spike: Man gets right to the meat of the existential nut, doesn't he?
Gunn: Just a little concerned. You don't call. You don't write. (Spike opens his beer bottle) What's your angle? Last time we saw you, you were booking a one-way to the continent.
Spike: Change of plans. Change of heart. Changed me mind, mates.
Wesley: Sounds like you've been busy. (Spike sits) We're getting reports of a vigilante who matches your description.
Spike: Yes...that's what you people do, isn't it? You get reports. And you sign checks. You read memos. (makes a "cheers" motion with his beer bottle) Here's to the corporate teat. How'd you find me? (takes a swig of beer)
Gunn: Wasn't too hard. Put a couple of our psychics on it this afternoon.
Wesley: One of the advantages of the corporate teat.
Spike: What can I do for you? Need me to help you collate something?
Wesley: From what we hear... you're fighting the good fight these days.
Gunn: We figure that's our territory.
Spike: (raises his eyebrow) Is that what this is about? You're hurt 'cause I stepped on your toesies?
Gunn: Not at all. We're wondering why you left in the first place.
Wesley: If you want to save the world, we've got the resources to help you do it.
Spike: No offense, Mr. Vader, but I've got no itch to join the evil empire.
Gunn: It's different. You know it. We've changed things.
Spike: Look...(sighs) I told Angel, and I'll tell you. A place like that doesn't change... not from the inside. Not from the out. You sign on there, it changes you. Puts things in your head. Spins your compass needle around till you can't cross the street without tripping the proverbial old lady and stepping on her glasses. And it's not like I wasn't there, gents, like I wasn't watching you. Had to haunt the damn place. Remember? (takes a swig of his beer)
Gunn: Things aren't that cut-and-dried, Spike. We're making a difference. We're just... playing by a new set of rules.
Spike: So what? You want me to... put on a suit, come play with you?
Wesley: Something like that.
Spike: I can't believe Angel would sign off on that. Unless... he doesn't know you're here, does he? (scoffs) Hedging our bets, are we, boys?
Gunn: That's not how it is.
Spike: (crosses his arms) And the compass needle keeps spinning. And the world gets murkier and murkier.
(Eve’s Apartment)
(Doyle is lying on the bed talking to Eve, who's sitting on him, straddling him.)
LLG: They don't have a clue what's happening, do they? (Eve kisses his neck) Hey...come on, babe. (Eve sits up) Focus. Are you sure team Angel hasn't been checking up on him?
Eve: Told you. They're busy working on some relic that's got the senior partners in a huff. (smiles) So we gonna do this, or what? (reaches for the bedside table)
LLG: (pushes Eve's hand away from the bedside table) Hey.
Eve: (annoyed) Fine. Let's talk more. How's our blond crusader? He buying into it?
LLG: So far. I mean, he hasn't sewn a big red "S" on his chest yet, but he's gettin' there. (Eve kisses his neck) We keep building him up, and we tear Angel down. Pretty soon the senior partners are gonna start thinking they're backing the wrong horse.
Eve: (kisses his chest) Unless once they find out we're fixing the race.
LLG: (sits up) Hey... (looks seriously into her eyes) That happens, I'm good as dead.
Eve: Relax, baby. They'll never know it's you. Not while you have these pretty pictures. (touches his tattoos of symbols that cover his chest)
LLG: These aren't for playing. (buttons his shirt) They're the only thing keeping me off Wolfram & Hart's radar.
Eve: Doesn't mean I can't think they're sexy.
LLG: Well, you can think whatever you want after we finish our project.
Eve: (smiles) That mean you're gonna give me what I want? Or are we gonna keep up the teasing all day?
LLG: (flips Eve over on her back and leans over her) Good girls always get what they want. (kisses Eve's neck)
Eve: (touches the box on the bedside table) Oh... this is gonna be fun.
(W&H – Lobby)
(Wesley and Gunn walk out of the elevator and across the lobby. Fred spots them and hustles to catch up to them.)
Fred: Oh! Hey! Did you talk to Spike?
Wesley: We did.
Fred: What'd he say?
Gunn: Oh, you know...stuff.
(They walk into Gunn's office.)
(Gunn’s Office)
(Fred follows Wesley and Gunn into Gunn's office.)
Fred: Like what?
Wesley: Apparently we're not good enough for him.
Gunn: Thinks we sold out.
Fred: We didn't sell out. We're changing the system from the inside.
Gunn: You know, when you say it out loud, it sounds really naive. (sits at his desk)
Fred: Well, shouldn't we tell Angel about this?
Gunn: Tell him what? That Spike's hung out his shingle and is open for business in Angel's town? I don't think he needs to hear it right now.
Fred: It's not like we need to protect him. I mean, has anyone even heard from him today?
(Lobby)
(Fred walks up to Harmony, who's sitting at her desk reading "Trend" magazine.)
Fred: Hey, Harmony, um... any word from Angel?
Harmony: Oh. Haven't heard a peep.
Fred: Maybe we should call him, check in?
Harmony: Act like we care? Good plan! (picks up the phone and dials) It's ringing.
(Angel’s Apartment)
(The telephone rings in Angel's apartment, but he's still asleep and dreaming.)
(Angel’s Bedroom)
(Angel sits up in bed with a start. There is a piano playing in the background. He turns to see Lorne dressed up in old-west style, complete with suspenders and mustache.)
Angel: Lorne?
Lorne: (in a southern accent) Oh, round these parts, folks call me Honky-Tonk. (spits into a spittoon)
(W&H – Lobby)
(Fred waits while Harmony is on the phone.)
Harmony: (gasps) I just got his voice mail! You wanna leave a message?
Fred: No, I think I'll check in. (walks toward the elevator)
Eve: (cuts off Fred) Any luck with those tests?
Fred: Tests?
Eve: The stone, yea big, lots of carving. Answers to the name of relic.
Fred: Yeah, I'm on it.
Eve: Good. 'Cause I'm getting a lot of heat on this. And when I say heat, I mean actual flames under my feet. The senior partners are a tad impatient.
Fred: Oh! Y-you want me to...
Eve: Now would be good.
Fred: Oh.
Eve: Unless you've got something important...
Fred: No. I was just gonna... (laughs nervously) It can wait. (walks toward her lab)
(Angel’s Apartment – Bedroom)
(Lorne/"Honky Tonk" is playing "My Darling Clementine" on the piano. Angel is still in bed beside the piano.)
Lorne: Hey, why so down in the dumpster, partner? You look like you just had to put down your last puppy.
(Harmony, dressed like a waitress at the Copacabana, brings a drink to Lorne.)
Angel: I think... I think I'm lost.
Lorne: Order a drink!
Angel: Everything hurts.
Lorne: Now you're gettin' it. Everything hurts, and then we die. Or in your case, everything hurts and... then you go on... (hits a low note on the piano) and on... (hits a lower note on the piano) and on... (hits a lower note on the piano) and on.
Angel: I don't know what to do.
Lorne: Why don't you give me an earful of them pretty pipes of yours? Let me suss it out. (starts playing "My Darling Clementine" while the spotlight shines on Angel) Well, sing out, Louise.
(Angel tries to sing, but only makes faint squeaks. The room is eerily silent.)
Fred: (bored) I told you he was empty.
(The camera turns to show Fred, Wesley, and Gunn sitting at a bar table watching Angel and Lorne.)
Wesley: Yes, but this is ridiculous! (leans forward) We paid good money for this. (cocks his head) We paid blood for this.
Lorne: (to Angel) Crowd's turning on ya, sport.
(Gunn's snarls, revealing his silvery cat-eyes; he hisses angrily at Angel.
Eve: (walks up to the table where Fred, Wes, and Gunn are sitting) (to Angel) You poor thing. You're really suffering, aren't you?
Lorne: (to Angel) You still got that thing on your shirt?
(Angel looks down to see the blue slimy creature is on his chest, munching away. He puts his left hand over it and pulls it off of his chest.)
(Angel’s Bedroom)
(The instant Angel pulls the creature off of his chest, he awakens with a fright. He's still holding the creature in his hand. It screeches, and he squeezes it to death, still gasping from the pain.)
Eve: Wow. You killed junior.
(Angel turns to see Eve standing at his bedroom door holding a box—the same box that was on her bedside table.)
Angel: Eve?
Eve: (walking forward) I'm not here, Angel. You're dreaming. But don't worry. The dream's almost over.
(Eve opens the box, letting out a substantially larger blue creature of the same sort that was on Angel before. Still in a weakened state, Angel is groaning and panting in his bed as Eve stands by, watching the melon-sized blue creature crawl up Angel's body. Eve smirks as she turns to walk away.)
Angel: (finally musters the strength to knock the creature off the bed) No!
(Angel falls out of the other side of the bed and crawls painfully across the floor.)
(Spike’s Apartment)
(Spike walks into his apartment carrying a 6-pack of "Brockman" beer only to find his apartment door was open. He sighs and walks in.)
LLG: (sitting on the couch) See you found the market.
Spike: (puts beers on the table) Thought this was a single. Didn't know I was gonna have a bloody roommate.
LLG: (stands) Just checkin' in. Keeping tabs. (takes a beer, opens bottle) It's kinda what I do.
Spike: (snatches the opened beer from Doyle's hand) Yeah, well, I don't need a baby-sitter, so, um, bugger off. (drinks the beer)
LLG: You this prickly with all your friends?
Spike: I'm soft on the inside.
LLG: Spike... things would— (gulps) Things would go a lot smoother if you— (holds his hands to his head, pained)
Spike: Oh, bloody hell. What was that about?
LLG: (panting) I just had another vision.
Spike: Oh, great. Look, don't expect me to jump every time you've got one of these vision thingies.
LLG: (shakes head, nods) Oh, no. I think you're gonna want to jump on this one.
(W&H – Angel’s Apartment)
(Angel crawled across the floor towards the desk. He reaches for the phone, but can't reach. He tugs at the phone cord, pulling the phone off the hook, but falls over in exhaustion. The creature crawls on his chest.)
(Angel’s Bedroom)
(Angel is sitting outside in a sunny, grassy meadow in a comfy leather chair.)
Fred: This is really nice.
(Angel turns to see Fred walking up to him in a country sundress, her hair softly flowing around her face. Wesley, Gunn, and Lorne are following close behind her.)
Wesley: You can stay as long as you like. Stay forever.
(Fred sits on the chair's arm, beside Angel.)
Angel: No...there's so much work to do.
Gunn: It's fine. We got it covered.
Angel: But I'm not supposed to be here.
Lorne: No fighting, Angel heart. Time to let freedom ring. Let yourself go.
Angel: But I'm not finished.
Wesley: You are if you want to be.
Fred: It'll be fine. Great, actually. All you have to do is stop caring. Just— (throws her head back in a painful, screeching scream) Aah!
(Suddenly Wesley, Gunn, and Lorne all throw their heads back and screech.)
(Angel’s Bedroom)
(Spike reaches down, grabbing the blue creature on Angel's chest, pulling it off of him, and throws it across the room, smashing it into a wall and killing it.)
Spike: That'll be a bitch of a clean-up.
Angel: (pained) Spike?
Spike: No need to thank me. Just helping the helpless. (exits)
(Angel groans weakly on the floor, watching Spike leave.)
(Angel’s Apartment)
(Wesley walks out of the bedroom, wiping his hands on a hand towel, addressing Angel, Fred, Gunn and Lorne in the living room.)
Wesley: It was a Selminth parasite. Its teeth inject an anesthetic, making the host oblivious to its presence. You'd never know you had it on you. (Angel drinks a glass of blood) Pumps neurotoxins into the body causing paralysis, hallucinations, fever dreams.
Angel: (looks at Eve, who's standing behind Wesley) It seemed...real. All of it. (to Fred) You were dissecting me, taking things out of me, and there was this...bear. (to Lorne) You called yourself Honky-Tonk, tried to get me to sing, but... (to Gunn) You were big with the heckling.
Gunn: Uh...sorry?
Fred: So, if this parasite continued pumping its toxins into Angel...
Wesley: (sits) He would have been stuck in a permanent vegetative state.
Lorne: Well, good thing Spike swooped in and saved the day. How did he even know you were in trouble?
Angel: Didn't say.
Gunn: What I want to know is how that thing even got in here in the first place.
Fred: We're checking the firm's storage facilities. It's possible that a specimen escaped or—
Angel: (to Eve) You. You brought it.
Eve: Me?
Angel: You were here.
Eve: I had a cameo in your little dream sequence? That's so sweet.
Angel: You put the big one on me after I killed the other one.
Gunn: The other one?
Wesley: Angel, there was only one.
Angel: No.
Wesley: Maybe you were confusing reality with your hallucinations?
Angel: (stands) Uh-uh. Changed your clothes.
Eve: Yeah. I do that sometimes... after a long day.
Angel: (walks toward Eve) But you didn't change your earrings. You were wearing those in my hallucination... except... I haven't seen you for days.
Eve: (smiling) I've worn them before. Hey, I can't be held responsible for how you dress me in your fantasies.
Fred: You did change your clothes, Eve, and I've never seen those earrings before today. (stands, crosses her arms)
Eve: What is it exactly you think I—
Angel: Don't know, Eve. But I'm pretty sure the senior partners didn't give me the reins to their law firm just to turn me into a vegetable. Playing your own game here? What do you think the partners'll do to you after they find out about your little extracurricular activities?
Eve: (smirks) So things aren't going your way, and you're looking for someone outside your little circle to blame. (walks to the elevator) Here's a thought. Maybe you should try looking inward... (steps into the elevator) unless you don't like what you see. (the elevator doors close)
(Angel stares angrily after Eve as she leaves. Over his shoulder, you can see Gunn, Fred, Lorne, and Wesley standing behind him, watching with suspicious eyes as Eve leaves.)
Fade to black.
Season Five Guide