Vibes
Transcribed by: Sonja
(Ecuador)
(Two men, Burt and Eli, and their guide are deep in the mountains. The guide leads them to an ancient Incan City. They head for the top. When they reach it the guide stands back and mutters under his breath.)
Eli: Well, Burt, you are almost rich.
(They both laugh. Then they begin to dig into the pyramid shaped rock in the center of the 'room'.)
Guide: No!
Eli: Shut up!
Guide: Don't! No, don't!
(Eli pulls out a gun and shoots the guide.)
Eli: (to Burt) You get back to work.
(They break away the rock and there is a glowing golden pyramid underneath.)
Burt: What is it?
Eli: I don't know.
Burt: I bet the old man knew. You shouldn't have shot him.
Eli: You shut up! (he goes over and touches the pyramid and he begins speaking in an ancient language.)
(Burt comes over and touches Eli's arm and he is thrown back with the power of the pyramid. Eli gets killed by the power that is in the pyramid.)
(New York)
(A man is walking down the street. Hustlers are shouting out their challenges as people walk by.)
Card Man: Three card Monty. This is the game for ladies and gentlemen. Not playing baseball with a jungle creature. Nine's nine. Miss the red nine and your money's mine.
(The man reaches down and points to a card. The card man flips the card over and it's the red nine. The man picks up the money and keeps walking.)
Card Man: Hey, how'd you do that? You got x-ray vision? Are you one of them psychic freaks? Just keep on walking. This game is for normal people, not you psychic freaks.
(The man walks into a nearby building.)
(Psychic Study)
(The man, Ingo Swedlen, is now seated at a table facing a professor. There is a small wall in front of the professor who is holding up cards. As he holds up the cards Ingo guesses what the cards are.)
Ingo: Circle. Star. Wavy Lines. (the next card is a circle) Star.
Professor: Try again.
Ingo: Concentrate damn it. Your mind is a jumble if idiotic nonsense. Where did you get your degree from anyway?
Professor: The University of Oklahoma.
Ingo: Great. If we have a stampede you'll know just what to do.
(Across the room a middle aged man with glasses, Lyle, is trying to move an ashtray out of a circle drawn on a table.)
Professor 2: It's been 40 minutes, Mr. Kris.
Lyle: Relax, I've always got it.
(Suddenly the machine that he's hooked up to beeps and Lyle takes a quick breath as the ashtray moves.)
Professor 2: (surprised) You did it.
Lyle: Yes. (looks down) I also wet my pants.
(In another part of the room, a psychomatrist, Nick Deezy is also being tested. He is picking up different utensils and telling the two professors he's working with where they have been before.)
Nick: This is cold. Right out of the package. Never been used. (sets the knife down and picks up another)
Male Professor: Amazing.
Nick: This is from the cafeteria here at the college. Oh, remind me not to eat here. (he sets it down and picks up another knife) This is…oh God…oh Jesus…
Female Professor: Yes.
Nick: (throws down the knife) A woman…her husbands back…eight…nine times…
Female Professor: Yes, we know.
Nick: You know! How could you give that to me? Don't you know how hard it is for me to have to see things like that?
Male Professor: We have to test you. In science…
Nick: Now I won't be able to sleep. What a sight! His…oh…(he lowers his head to the table but then suddenly lifts it back up) Someone has had sex on this table.
Female Professor: Thank you Mr. Deezy, that will be enough for today.
(And in yet another part of the room, a trans-medium, Sylvia Pickel, is being tested. Sylvia is played by Cyndi Lauper and is dressed very wildly.)
Dr. Winer: All right Ms. Pickel…
Sylvia: (says it like it's french) Pickel, Dr. Winey.
Dr. Winer: Winer.
Sylvia: Sorry.
Dr. Winer: Dr. Thompson has your envelope, which he sealed last night. Now I'm going to do a drawing. (he draws an elephant while Sylvia watches) Now, Dr. Thompson, open Ms. Pickel's envelope.
Dr. Thompson: (opens the envelope and looks at the picture) Dr. Winer, when did you decide to draw a picture of an elephant?
Dr. Winer: Just this second.
Dr. Thompson: (lays down Sylvia's picture of an elephant) She predicted it.
Dr. Winer: Ms. Pickel, you're fabulous.
Sylvia: I've been told that before. Then they never call.
(Later)
(All of the psychics are gathered around a table and they are eating lunch.)
Woman: I'm working for a TV network. I predict the hits and the flops. How're you doing Lyle? How's that pretty missus of yours?
Lyle: Oh fine.
Woman: He's married to a former Ms. Universe.
Nick: Oh?
Lyle: Well I don't just move ashtrays.
Woman: How about you Dave, still training attack dogs?
Dave: It's a living.
Woman: Dave can talk to animals.
Ingo: (sarcastically) Oh goody. I didn't know I was having lunch with Dr. Dolittle.Woman: (to Nick) I have never seen you at one of these studies.
Nick: No, this is my first one.
Lyle: Oh, what made you come to this one?
Nick: Well, the same reason as all of you I suppose, to learn more about our gifts. I mean where do they come from? Will we pass them on to our children? What if two psychics, perhaps two people at this very table, reproduced?
Dave: (laughs) That all depends. (looks at Ingo) Are we including Baby Huey?
Ingo: I'm not unhappy telling you that next week you're going to be hit by a very fast moving car.
(Dave swallows hard.)
Sylvia: (to no one) Hey, let me eat what I want! Leave me alone.
Ingo: As you were saying, Nick.
Sylvia: (to no one) When did you become the authority? All right I'll ask him. (to Nick) Yo, stretch, when you eat fast, you don't gain weight, right?
Nick: To whom were you speaking?
Sylvia: To you.
Nick: No, I mean just before. You were talking to someone.
Sylvia: That's Louise. She's my friend in the spirit world. (to Louise) I'm talkin' to somebody.
Ingo: (under his breath) Lunatic.
Nick: So you're a trans-medium. That's very impressive.
Sylvia: You think that's impressive? I'm only 2 credits shy of graduating from Madame Sally's School of Beauty.
Ingo: Bula bula.
Sylvia: (to Ingo) What's your problem, aside from your face?
(A middle aged man walks up to the table. This is Dr. Harrison Steele. He's in charge of the research study.)
Harrison: Good afternoon. I see you're getting to know each other.
Ingo: Only to well.
Harrison: Excellent. And now that we're almost done I can tell you how delighted we are with the results. This has been the most exciting week I could have imagined.
Ingo: Uh, Dr. Steele, wouldn't it have been better to just concentrate on the one or two best of us?
Harrison: Well we thought of that. And indeed it was tempting just to spend the last days with Nick and Sylvia.
Ingo: Nick and Sylvia?
Harrison: The most impressive psychic talents I've come across in 15 years research. But of course you other four also have a great deal to offer. Enjoy lunch. (walks away)
Sylvia: (gets up and goes after him) Doctor! Hey Doc. Doctor Steele.
Harrison: Yes, Sylvia.
Sylvia: We've been working together now for a week and I was wondering if maybe you want to move in with me.
Harrison: Move in?
Sylvia: (laughs and puts her hand on his chest) Just kidding. Oh, firm.
Harrison: That's my calculator. (moves her hand to the other side of his chest) But this is my heart.
Sylvia: Oh. Really though, if you'd like to continue working together.
Harrison: I have your number. (walks away)
(Nick walks up to Sylvia.)
Nick: Congratulations.
Sylvia: Well, he may call he may not.
Nick: Oh, no. I mean about being top of the class.
Sylvia: Oh, you too. What's your schtick again? You touch things?
Nick: Psychomatry.
Sylvia: Wow. What the hell is that?
Nick: Psychomatry. Well, I touch things as you say. I can take an object and tell you where it's been, who's come in contact with it.
Sylvia: Any money in that? Dough?
Nick: No, not directly. I'm a curator at a museum. I examine ancient artifacts and uh…
Sylvia: Oooh stretch-a-roo…I gotta tell you somethin'.
Nick: Yes, one moment please, but an important one. We've been through stretch, stretch-a-roo, next it will be stretch mark…where will it end?
Sylvia: Okay okay. Here's what I need to know. Do you have a girlfriend?
Nick: Uh, yes, I do. I'm sorry, I'm sure you're a very nice young woman. (he begins to walk away)
Sylvia: (grabs his arm) Hey! Wait till I offer before you turn me down. It's just that my psychic guide, Louise, is worried about you. She says your girlfriend, Hilary…
Nick: Hilary? Yes…is she hurt? Is something the matter with her?
Sylvia: Worse! She's playing bouncy bouncy with another guy. (to Louise) I'm trying to be as delicate as I can.
Nick: Hilary. No.
Sylvia: Well that's what Louise says.
Nick: No. We're practically affianced. I'm the tree on which hands the fruit of her life. She calls me 'honey muffin'.
Sylvia: Honey muffin? She calls you 'honey muffin' and I can't call you stretch-a-roo?
Nick: Listen, I'm sure you're a brilliant psychic, but no, she wouldn't.
Sylvia: Hey, cheer up. See ya. (walks away)
Nick: Fine. (to himself) You don't know Hilary, I do. That's why I'm not worried. If I thought for one moment she wasn't faithful I'd be…(sways a little) I think this J-ello is bad. (sets down his tray) Um, I feel dizzy, sometimes they don't refrigerate it. (he passes out.)
(The busboy comes over.)
Bus boy: Um, are you done?
(Outside the Study Center)
(Harrison is walking Sylvia out to her cab.)
Harrison: And you're available in the next few weeks? I can count on you?
Sylvia: You can count on me, draw me…anything you want.
Harrison: That's wonderful. You're a special person.
(He goes to kiss her cheek, but she turns and kisses him on the mouth. Nick comes out.)
Nick: Taxi!
Harrison: (pulling away from Sylvia) Nick! (he goes over to Nick) Nick, I wish you'd reconsider becoming part of my project. It's going to be very exciting.
Nick: Um, I've kind of made a decision, I don't want to be a psychic anymore.
Harrison: What?
Nick: Yeah, I'm gonna turn my attention to ceramics. I'll send you a donkey.
Harrison: Nick, that's a jive.
Nick: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I have something on my mind though, which I'm sure is nothing. But until I take care of it, which I'm sure I won't have to do, I can't really talk about your program or whatever.
Harrison: Right! Nick needs time to be Nick. That's fine, I understand.
Nick: Yes, well…(he looks over and sees a guy taking his picture)
Harrison: What is it?
Nick: I'm sorry, there's a guy taking my picture over there. (Harrison tries to run off while still holding on to Nicks' hand.) Hey…hang on. (Harrison let's go)
Harrison: (to man as the man takes off) What the hell are you doing? Come back! Come back, damn it.
Nick: (to Ingo) What's all this about do you suppose?
Ingo: You're so gifted, why don't you know already?
(Museum of Natural History)
Eugene: Hey Nick, you don't look so good. Women troubles?
Nick: (grabs Eugene by the collar) What have you heard?
Eugene: Nothing! You're abusing my smock man.
Nick: (lets him go) I'm sorry.
Eugene: It's okay.
Nick: I'm sorry. (sigh)
Eugene: (looks at the mummy on the table) What do you think?
Nick: Well, the embalming techniques would seem to indicate 18th Dynasty, but for New Kingdom it's awfully…
Eugene: Why do we have to go through this again. Come on, touch it. Get some of those vibes you usually get.
Nick: No. Um, I do not wish to sacrifice my humanity in order to be used by people as a walking Ouija board or a magic wand of some…
Tony: (running up) Nick!
Nick: What?
Tony: Nick, thank God you're back.
Nick: What happened, Tony?
Tony: Look, I'm buying a used car, I got it out front. Now I think they turned the mileage back on me. Will you come outside and feel the car for me?
Nick: Tony, we're very busy here. We've got a sarcophagus exhibition, we're under deadline…
Lou: (walking up) Oh Nick, I heard you were back. I ordered fish today in the lunchroom. They say it's fresh, I don't think so. Tell me. (he slaps Nick's hand down on the fish)
Nick: Lou!
Tony: Oh, sure, you won't touch my car, but you'll feel his fish?
Nick: (takes out a handkerchief and begins to wipe at his hand) I'm getting mad now.
Mr. Van Der Meer: (walking up) Nick my boy! Welcome back.
Nick: Mr. Van Der Meer. Thank you, Mr. Van Der Meer. Listen, I…you know…I'm trying to work here, we're very busy, and I don't have time to…
Mr. Van Der Meer: (to others) Never bother Nick when he's working! Never! (to Nick) Are you all right? You're not upset?
Nick: I feel fine now, I'm recovering.
Mr. Van Der Meer: Good, good. Stand right there. (to people outside the room) All right everybody come in! Come on in. Now this is our examination room and this is Nick Deezy, our curator. Nick is a psychomatrist. So everyone take out your keys or some other personal effect and Nick will tell you all about yourselves.
Nick: (quietly) Mr. Van Der Meer, what is this?
Mr. Van Der Meer: (quietly) These are the museum trustees. They're here for a week and I want you to help me entertain them. And Nick…
Nick: Yeah.
Mr. Van Der Meer: I don't want them to examine the books.
Nick: (shocked) What?
(Mr. Van Der Meer nods then turns back to the group.)
Mr. Van Der Meer: All right, hand up everything. Here we go.
(The Racetrack)
(Sylvia sitting watching a race while talking to the guy seated next to her. The guy is Fred, and old boyfriend.)
Sylvia: You what?
Fred: I swear. I'm in big trouble. A gentleman named Milo wants to stick my head in a pneumatic press. I'll be wearing an envelope for a hat. Just talk to Louise. I need one winner!
Sylvia: That's why you came back? So Louise could pick you a horse?
Fred: No, sweetheart. I came back because I love you, but how can we be together if I don't have a head? Do you see what I mean?
Sylvia: All right, I'll ask Louise. It won't be easy though, she hates you.
Fred: Tell her I'm a new man. I don't eat red meat anymore. I feel good about myself.
Sylvia: Leave us alone a second.
Fred: Thanks babe.
(He wanders of and begins checking the discarded tickets on the ground for a winner.)
Sylvia: (to Louise) What do you say, Louise? He's in trouble. (pause) No he has changed. Louise, I'm lonely. Give me a chance here. (pause) Number 4. Got it. Thanks Louise.
(Later)
(Fred has won and his carrying his winnings as they walk out of the racetrack.)
Fred: Five winners in a row! (kisses the money) Louise I love you!
Sylvia: Well, so, we'll go to my place, I'll change, and we'll go to the 'Bubbling Dove'.
Fred: Oh yeah, whatever.
Gloria: Are you ready to go Fred?
(Fred and Sylvia both turn to her.)
Fred: Oh, um…Sylvia, you remember Gloria? I ran into her at the exacto window. What a coincidence, huh? So she's gonna give me a ride home cause it's on the way. It's nice to see you again. So, no hard feelings, huh?
Sylvia: No, no feelings at all. Bye.
(Fred and Gloria begin walk off.)
Gloria: I almost got picked up.
Fred: What, a classy girl like you?
Sylvia: (to Louise) Come on Louise, I'll by you a drink.
(Nick's Apartment)
(Nick and Hillary are in bed. They are reading a magazine together. Hillary moves to turn the page.)
Nick: Not yet.
Hillary: Are you glad I'm staying over tonight?
Nick: Yeah, real glad.
Hillary: You don't sound real glad. (she sets the magazine down) Is something wrong, honey muffin?
Nick: Hillary, have you been…
Hillary: Been what?
Nick: Taking care of yourself?
Hillary: (smiles) Of course.
(They begin to kiss, and they slide lower on the bed. Nick removes her panties and sets them aside. But then he breaks the kiss and immediately reaches and picks the panties back up.)
Nick: Oh God it's true!
Hillary: Nick, it's not what you think.
Nick: Another man has been holding these panties. You know I can tell.
Hillary: It's…it's my father.
Nick: What?
Hillary: He did my laundry for me, I swear.
Nick: You're father's a professional hockey player that scored to goals that night? (pause) And an assist.
Hillary: Oh God I should have burned those panties.
Nick: Buy why Hillary. Why would you want to…
Hillary: I was lonely, you were gone. I went out with a bunch of girls, we had a bunch of drinks, we met a bunch of guys…
Nick: You had a bunch of sex!!
Hillary: We can settle this. What I did was 100% wrong. Now I'm not prepared to endure an emotional blood letting over this. So I think you have two options. You can choose not to forgive me. In which case a long standing relationship based on common interests, lovely memories, and a not inconsiderable sexual attraction would be wiped away. Or, you can rise above this and we can construct a happy and fruitful life together. The choice is yours, now which will it be?
(Night)
(Sylvia is walking to her apartment building from the subway. She reaches her apartment and goes inside only to see that there is someone in the kitchen. She quietly gets a shotgun out of the closet, then she loads the gun. The goes to the other kitchen door and braces herself.)
Sylvia: (quietly to Louise) Louise, let's kick ass. (She bursts into the kitchen) All right Freddy, you're a dead…(she sees it's not Freddy and the man drops the food he was holding) Who are you? (pause) Talk!
Harry: Okay, my name is Harry. Harry Buscafusco. I'm here because I need a psychic and I read your ad in the paper. May I ask, why do you keep a shotgun in your apartment?
Sylvia: It's not really mine. An old boyfriend left it here.
Harry: Why does he keep it?
Sylvia: I don't know. You don't ask a guy named Icepick too many questions. Now let's get down to brass tacks. Why'd you break into my apartment?
Harry: Because I was afraid to stand in the hallway carrying what I'm carrying.
Sylvia: Yeah?
Harry: Fifty thousand dollars, and it's all yours if you do a job for me.
Sylvia: Oh yeah. You're gonna ask me to do something really weird.
Harry: It's nothing weird. Sylvia, my son is missing.
(Sylvia lowers the gun.)
(Museum of Natural History - Day)
(Nick is talking to Eugene as Eugene is trying to get a statue centered in a display.)
Nick: She certainly wasn't my first girl, and certainly won't be my last girl, but I did think she was the right girl.
Eugene: Are you talking to me, Nick?
Nick: No, I was looking for sympathy, I must have thought you were somebody else.
Eugene: Mario, he is still not centered, let's do it again. I have three post graduate degree's, I have to move furniture? Okay, guys what the problem is…uh oh. Nick, the trustee's are back and I think they're looking for ya.
Nick: I'm leaving.
Eugene: You'll be in trouble.
Nick: Well, what am I gonna do…if I stay I'll be in more trouble because I'll punch one of them in the nose. (he takes off)
Mr. Van Der Meer: Nick, wait!
(As Nick walks down the hallway Sylvia passes by, she then quickly backtracks as she recognizes him.)
Sylvia: Hi Nick. Remember me?
Nick: Sylvia. Yes, hi.
Sylvia: I brought you something I thought you might like.
Nick: What?
Sylvia: (holds up the money) Fifty thousand dollars.
Mr. Van Der Meer: Nick wait!
Nick: (to Sylvia) Come with me.
(Animal Exhibit)
(Nick and Sylvia have climbed into the exhibit and are talking.)
Nick: Well, but that's a lot of money. Why do you want to share it with me?
Sylvia: Hey, I got ethics you know. You think I want to take some guys money, toddle off to Ecquidor, and not find his son? I can't always count on Louise. You seem to be the reliable type. Not that I'm an expert on the subject.
Nick: Question number two…
Sylvia: You always number what you say? (pause) What do you want to hang around here for? You're job? You're girl?
Nick: We broke up.
Sylvia: Louise was right about that, huh? (pause) I'm sorry. Being a psychic hasn't made you too happy, huh?
Nick: When I was seven, I was in school and some kid threw a rock through the school principal's window. They took me down to the office, gave me the rock, and made me tell who did it. And I did, and none of the kids talked to me. I don't think they were mad at me, they just looked at me like I was a freak.
Sylvia: Wow, you always had it, huh?
Nick: Yeah, you?
Sylvia: No. When I was twelve I fell off a ladder. I was in a coma for two weeks. When I came around there was Louise. Only for a few years nobody believed me. So they put me in this home. That's when I discovered astral projection.
Nick: (with new respect) No, you can do that?
Sylvia: Sure. I had to get outta that place. My body was still there but my mind would escape. Louise helped me do it.
Nick: Where would you go?
Sylvia: Anywhere was happy. Like the movies. You know how hard it is to buy 'Goobers' when you're out of your body? (laughs) Now we just do it at the dentist. It's scary though. You know sometimes I'm really afraid I won't get back.
(Time Lapse)
(Now Nick and Sylvia are walking down the hallway back to Nick's office.)
Nick: And you trust this guy, Harry?
Sylvia: He's sweet. Nick, we're special people. We've gotta make our specialness work for us instead of against us. We're entitled to be happy. Besides, I don't know about you, but I'd feel great finding a missing kid.
Nick: Yeah, I'm gonna give it some more thought.
Sylvia: (grabs his arm and stops him) Why? You're life is in a shambles anyway.
Nick: No, it's not in a shambles, it's in a mild state of disarray. Look, I don't make major life decisions on the spur of the moment like this.
Sylvia: I do.
Nick: But your major life decision is probably how high should I comb my hair today.
Sylvia: Fine. I'll go to Ecuador, become rich and famous, you stay here with everything that's dead.
(Mr. Van Der Meer walks up.)
Mr. Van Der Meer: Well Nick, you're certainly not the boy I hired. No sir, that boy would do anything for me. The trustees are furious, so you'll have to apologize. Now do what you did at the Christmas party, with the keys and the coins. And wear the turban and the cape. You'll find it in…
Nick: No! No, Mr. Van Der Meer, that's not going to be possible because I'm taking an immediate sabbatical to Ecuador.
Sylvia: All right Stretch.
Mr. Van Der Meer: Ecuador. You can't. I won't allow it.
Nick: Well then maybe I'd better quit.
Mr. Van Der Meer: Quit. Well that's a fine how do you do.
Nick: (to Sylvia) Let's go.
Sylvia: And no more cracks about my hair.
Nick: That's not gonna be easy.
(They walk off.)
Mr. Van Der Meer: Nick? Nicky?
(Ecuador - Airport)
(The plane has landed. Harry waits for Nick and Sylvia to get off. Sylvia comes to the door of the plane dressed in a wild outfit. She hold out her arms as if to embrace everyone.)
Sylvia: Buenos Dios.
(She begins to walk down the steps with Nick right be hind her.)
Harry: (walks up to her) Sylvia, how lovely. Thank you for hurrying. (to Nick) You must be Nick. Boy you're big. What a day. You look great! Nice flight?
Nick: I can't breathe.
Harry: Yeah, we're like ten thousand feet above the sea level you see, and there's like no air here. It takes a while to get accustomed to.
Nick: I like to breathe, I'm good at it.
(Airport Entrance)
(The gang is loading their luggage into a cab. Nick is slowly taking deep breaths.)
Sylvia: Pronto.
Harry: (to Nick) Yeah, that's right. That's good. Deep breaths. Hurt's doesn't it?
Nick: Yes. Please excuse me from being so self-involved.
Harry: Hey, what you do with yourself, that's your business.
Nick: Right. Just know that we are both 100% dedicated to resolving this terrible personal crisis of yours.
Harry: Yes, thanks. (motions to the cab) Get in.
(The Hotel - Nick's Room)
(There are two very large suitcases on the bed. The bellhop is waiting to be tipped. Nick doesn't know the money amounts so he just holds out his money and the bellhop takes a bill, pauses, and then takes another bill. The bellhop leaves as Sylvia knocks on the door.)
Sylvia: It's me, Sylvia.
Nick: Come in.
Sylvia: (She walks in carrying two dresses, a pink one and an animal print. She's only wearing her undergarments.) Hey joy boy, I need an opinion. Which dress do you like better this one or this one? Quick cause I gotta hit the lobby.
Nick: Do you own any dresses that rise above mid-bosom?
Sylvia: Mid-bosom? I love the way you talk. You probably also say penis. All my dresses are like this. If Macy's wants to sell something they put it in the front window, right? (looks at the dresses) I'll wear the pink. (she slips the dress on.)
Nick: Do you think someone could be interested in you for something other than your body?
Sylvia: (pauses while getting dressed) No.
Nick: Nice self image.
Sylvia: (spots the large suitcases on the bed) Boy, you sure brought a lot of clothes.
Nick: Oh, no, only one of these is for clothes.
Sylvia: Yeah? What's in the other two, gifts for the natives?
Nick: (opens a suitcase) No, I brought my own food. I'm taking no chances. (holds up a dehydrated package) This is all dehydrated.
Sylvia: So are you.
Nick: Look at this. Perfectly safe, all you have to do is add water and you have cheese enchilada rancharo free of micro-organisms.
Sylvia: Yum yum. Listen tons-of-fun. It's the water that makes most people sick, and you brought food that needs water.
(Nick opens the other suitcase and it's full of water bottles. Sylvia rolls her eyes as Harry walks in.)
Harry: Nice room. Let's go.
Nick: Where?
Harry: Where do you think? To find Harry Jr.
Sylvia: You mean right now? I don't mean to be callous, but it's almost Happy Hour.
Harry: Fine, you rest here in this luxurious hotel at my expense. Meanwhile Harry Jr.'s lost in the mountains with blood thirsty natives. Cave dwellers that are hitting him with sticks, and shrinking his head. And his head wasn't that big to start with. (begins to cry) But that's all right. I'm 50, I'll have more sons. Oh, Harry…
Sylvia: (also crying) Don't worry Harry, we'll find your son.
(The Mountains)
(Nick, Harry, and Sylvia have taken a bus up into the mountains. They are now in a small mountain village. They get off the bus and begin walking. Nick is wheezing.)
Nick: My god, are we higher? (he sprays something up his nose) Uh-oh.
Sylvia: What happened?
Nick: I just sprayed Unguatine up my nose.
Harry: Harry Jr. This is the spot where Harry Jr. was last seen. He used to get off that bus and go into the mountains, sometimes for days, weeks.
Nick: What for?
Harry: School report, extra credit. And this is the shirt that he used to wear when he went on these hikes. Now, Nick, if you could touch this, you could tell us where would he go from here?
Nick: Let me see. (takes the shirt and begins walking around) This is definitely the place, this shirts been here before. Very strong vibrations. (he begins moving in every direction until he finally senses which way to go.) That way!
Harry: Here we go!
Nick: (points) There.
Harry: You're sure?
Nick: Positive. Whoever wore this shirt went off in that direction. He…(pause) …this isn't your son's shirt.
Harry: Sure it is.
Nick: No. This shirts only been worn by one man. And older man, much to old to be your son.
Harry: Did I say my son? No, I'm sorry, I'm his son. It's my father that's missing, Harry Sr.
Nick: He's not that old. He's about your age.
Harry: I'm adopted, my mother re-married. One of my high school buddies. She saw his picture in my yearbook and whamo!
Nick: I buy it! (tosses Harry the shirt) I'm going back to New York. (walks away)
Sylvia: (to Harry) Did you have to make me look like a fool in front of Louise? As if that doesn't happen enough. (walks after Nick)
Harry: Sylvia! Nick! Kids! (he runs after them) Kids! All right, I lied! I was afraid that if I told you the truth you'd go off without me. Keep it for yourself.
Nick: What?
(A beggar walks up to Harry and asks him to buy a trinket.)
Harry: We're having a private conversation here, sir. (takes the necklace) Yes, yes, it's beautiful workmanship. (he hands the guy some money) Here. Right, it's money. Chew it up real good. Everybody, bye bye to the man. Bye bye. (the beggar walks off)
Sylvia: What is it you're really looking for?
Harry: The room of gold.
Sylvia: (loudly) The room of gold now?!
Harry: Shhh! What do you want, a bullhorn?
Nick: Incas?
Harry: Incas.
Nick: Incas.
Harry: Over here. Over here. (motions for them to go sit down and they do) A couple of guys, associates of mine, went up into the mountains. They were up there for weeks. I think they came very close.
Sylvia: What happened?
Harry: I don't know. One didn't come back, the other, that's his shirt.
Sylvia: Yeah, well where's the rest of him?
Harry: Hospital back in town. He was a brilliant guy, now, he could hold an in depth conversation with a canole.
Sylvia: Is he married?
Nick: (holding the shirt) Harry, this has been to a lost Incan city. Let's see your friend.
Harry: Nick, puppy, it's just not a good idea.
Nick: Because there was never a friend and you're still lying to us?
Harry: No, it's just the hospital parking and who knows when the visiting hours are…
Nick: Fine. I tell you what, count me out of the whole thing.
Harry: Count you out?! Nick, you're our partner, we love you! (to Sylvia) Can we find this without him? (she gives him a look) Nick, we'll take the bus back to the hotel. Tomorrow morning we're off to the hospital.
Nick: Excellent.
Sylvia: Okay. And what about tonight? Happy Hour?
Harry: Why not! And then the Room of Gold! (quietly) Oh, it might be safer if no one else knows what you two guys are doing down here in Ecuador. You know what I mean?
Nick & Sylvia: Safer?
Harry: A million dollars worth of gold. (the bus driver honks the horn) Oh look, there's the bus. Race you for a window seat.
(Nick and Sylvia head for the bus.)
(Hotel Restaurant)
(Nick and Sylvia are sharing a table. Sylvia has a drink, Nick is drinking out of one of his large containers of water.)
Sylvia: Enjoying your water?
Nick: I see you ordered another drink. Would you like them to run a hose from the bar to your mouth?
Sylvia: Hey, loosen up. Louise says you're gonna meet your dream lover on this trip.
Nick: There are a lot of attractive women here.
Sylvia: Yeah. Elegant…classy.
Nick: Hey, so what? See these women, take away the expensive clothes, the high flown manners and sophistication, what have you got?
Sylvia: Me.
Nick: Absolutely. Well, that's not so bad, you're…you.
Sylvia: Yeah. I could play in this league. All men are the same, except some have criminal records some don't. I gotta pick a target. Rich.
Nick: How do you tell which are which?
Sylvia: (thinks) When I say 'It does too', you say 'It does not'. It does too.
Nick: It does not.
Sylvia: It does too!
Nick: It does not!
Sylvia: It does too!
Nick: It does not!
(People begin to look at them.)
Sylvia: Oh, you're being so obnoxious. (stands up) Could someone please settle this? In a Rolls Royce Cornege the bar opens from left to right, doesn't it?
(A very nicely dressed gentleman stands up and heads over.)
Man: Excuse me, the lady is correct.
Sylvia: Thank you. (she holds our her hand and the man kisses it)
Man: Not at all. I'm Alejandro de la Vivar.
Sylvia: I'm Sylvia Van Pickel…(pause)…this is my brother Ziggy.
(Nick nods to Alejandro.)
Alejandro: I'm here for a small business meeting. The price of silver, one day is up the next day is down. Will you still be here in 15 minutes?
Sylvia: Yeah. (sits down) But I won't wait more than an hour and a half.
Alejandro: In 15 minutes. Nice to meet you, Ziggy. (walks away)
Nick: He's very charming. I think you can do better.
Sylvia: Me? My last boyfriend was a guy who drank soup by putting his head in it. He would…(she spots Ingo walking into the restaurant.)
Nick: Ingo Swedlen. What's he doing here?
Sylvia: Remember what Harry said? Nobody's supposed to know why we're here.
Nick: What if he asks?
Sylvia: (listens to the music) Let's dance. It'll give us a chance to think up a story.
(They both stand and move out to the dance floor as a new song starts. They begin dancing.)
Nick: He's coming over.
Sylvia: Think of a story.
Nick: Oh, nope, he stopped. He's staring at someone's shrimp cocktail.
Sylvia: Let's move it, Stretch.
(Ingo sits down at their table as they continue dancing, and eventually end up back at their table. They sit with Sylvia in Nick's lap.)
Nick & Sylvia: Hi.
Nick: Sylvia, look who's here.
Ingo: This is quite a surprise.
Nick: Well what are you doing here?
Ingo: Why wouldn't I be here? They have a lovely buffet. How about you?
Nick: (simultaneously with Sylvia) We come here every year.
Sylvia: (simultaneously with Nick) First time….every year.
Ingo: The both of you? Together? You just met three weeks ago.
Sylvia: What he means is that we'll be coming…
Nick: Be coming…
Sylvia: …here from now on. Every year. Isn't that right, poopsie?
Nick: That's right, banana head.
Sylvia: We met and…va va voom. I can't keep my hands off him.
Nick: Ditto.
(They begin to kiss, and continue to do so until Ingo gets fed up.)
Ingo: Well I guess I'll leave you two alone then.
(He gets up in disgust and walks away. Nick and Sylvia break apart.)
Sylvia: I think he bought that.
Nick: Yeah, I think we fooled him completely.
(Sylvia spots Alejandro.)
Sylvia: Oh, there's Alejandro. (she gets up off Nick's lap) See you in the morning, Nick.
Nick: Have fun. That's what I'm gonna do.
(Sylvia walks off with Alejandro. Nick looks around and spots a woman looking lustily at him from the bar. He gets up and goes over to her.)
Nick: Good evening.
Consuelo: You're not Latin.
Nick: No.
Consuelo: I saw you dance. I was sure you were Latin. Tell me, are you as good as you look.
Nick: I'd rather let you decide.
Consuelo: Oh, I suddenly got a chill.
Nick: I'm hoping it's me and not a virus.
Consuelo: I am Consuelo.
Nick: I am Ziggy.
(They shake hands. She gets up and he follows her. As they walk out we see that one of the patrons at the bar is the beggar man from earlier. Only now he's dressed in a nice suit.)
(Nick's Room)
(Consuelo comes out of the bathroom in a very skimpy out fit.)
Consuelo: You like?
Nick: Parts of me are already applauding.
Consuelo: I have something for you.
Nick: I have something for you.
(He goes over to her, but before he can kiss her she holds something out to him.)
Consuelo: Here. (he takes it) It's an aphrodisiac. It's made from the horn rhinoceros and dried rabbit glands.
Nick: But no sugar, I hope. (he gets some vibes from it) Are there rhinoceros's in a garage in New Jersey?
Consuelo: What?
Nick: A garage in New Jersey. I swear that's where this was made.
Consuelo: So what? Try it.
Nick: And then in a basement in Brooklyn…a police station in a bagged marked PCP. This is angel dust. Honey, you've been jipped. (she pulls out a knife) Don't take it so hard.
Consuelo: (she lunges at him and he jumps back) You think we're going to beat it to it. You think we're going to let you find it for that pig, Harry.
Nick: I'll come back later when you're not so upset. (she swings at him again) Hey!
Consuelo: I'm going to kill you.
Nick: I take it sex is off?
(She lunges at him again, but he side steps her and she goes out onto the balcony and over the railing. She's managed to cut his arm in the process though. He looks over the railing and sees her lying on the ground, dead.)
Nick: I have to call the police. Or should I not? I should have known. How could I have known? Sylvia. Oh my God!
(Hallway)
(Nick is heading for Alejandro's room. He bumps into the room service guy.)
Waiter: Buenos Noches, senor.
Nick: Excuse me, did you just come from Mr. De la Vivar's room?
Waiter: Not yet, sir.
(Nick takes the tray and heads for Alejandro's room.)
(Alejandro's Room)
(Nick can hear Sylvia giggling inside. He quietly opens the door and slips in. He sees Alejandro place something around Sylvia's neck as if to strangle her. He comes up behind Alejandro and knocks him unconscious.)
Sylvia: What the hell are you doing?
Nick: I was just in time. He was about to strangle you with this…(sees the necklace)…beautiful piece of jewelry. Boy that's class.
(Alejandro wakes up with a groan.)
Alejandro: Oh, what happened.
Sylvia: You asked me to marry you.
Alejandro: No. You're brother, Ziggy, attacked me. Are you insane?
Nick: Get off it pal. I'm onto you like a boil. The phony clothes the whole charade.
Hotel Manager: (entering) Ambassador, what is happening?
Alejandro: I was beaten and attacked.
Hotel Manager: (to Nick) You attacked the Spanish Ambassador to Ecuador?
Nick: (worried) Did I?
(Hallway)
(Nick and Sylvia are thrown out of Alejandro's room. They begin walking away.)
Sylvia: You jerk! I had that guy eating out of my hand! Look, (holds up her hand) there's still melon.
Nick: I'm sorry! A woman tried to kill me!
Sylvia: I'm surprised all women haven't tried to kill you!
(They stop in front of a hotel room.)
Nick: Look, Sylvia. (he shows her his injured arm and she gasps) Yes, and I thought they'd come after you too. So…
Sylvia: So, you tried to save my life.
(The hotel room door opens and Harry walks out.)
Harry: Hi! I'm going downstairs, they don't understand me on the phone. How do you say cookies in Spanish? I know how you say milk, (says Spanish for milk).
Sylvia: Somebody tried to kill Nick. Look, he's wounded.
Nick: Look.
Harry: That's probably nothing. A mistake, somebody got boisterous. Happens down here all the time. So what? So you got a little wound.
Nick: A women, she's dead.
Harry: Dead? A woman.
Nick: Yes.
Harry: Where?
(Balcony)
(They run to a balcony where they should be able to see the body, only the body is gone.)
Nick: She's easy to find, she's the one that's dead…that's odd.
Sylvia: The police must have hauled her off.
Nick: No, it's only been 5 minutes. We'd have heard the police. There'd be one of those chalk outlines of the bodies.
Harry: Maybe she bounced…like outta the hotel. (off Nick's look) Women are soft.
Sylvia: A gang! A gang took her away so that no questions could be asked.
Nick: Right.
Harry: So we're discounting the bouncing theory?
Nick: Completely. A gang that's gonna take another shot at me.
Sylvia: Louise says gang.
Harry: Well gangs are not necessarily bad. You know there are nice gangs. There was Our Gang, and Alfalfa, Buckwheat. (Nick glares at him.) All right, here's what we do. We don't wait until tomorrow, I got a car, we can sneak out of the hotel tonight, we go straight up into the mountains, before morning. They'd never expect that.
Nick: Well they expect me to leave this hemisphere, because that's exactly…
Harry: Kids! Why let one crazy woman with a knife ruin what otherwise has been a very lovely experience? How many of us were having a good time before this happened? Hands. (Both he and Sylvia raise their hands.) One, two…
Nick: What are we counting? What's to count? Are you both nuts?
Harry: Let's at least go to the hospital like we said we would, then you can decide. Sounds fair to me.
Nick: Fair?!
Sylvia: Nick, I think Harry's right. You should go to the hospital.
Nick: Why? (Sylvia motions to the blood on his arm.) Oh great, first I get stabbed then I'm bleeding.
(Hospital)
(Nick now has a bandage on his arm. Harry is talking to the Nurse at the front desk.)
Nurse: If you give me anymore trouble I'll break you like a twig. Do you understand?
Harry: Yes. I loved your last movie. What was that called? Conan the Nurse? (the Nurse makes as if to hit him) Okay, okay. No trouble. (he walks back to Nick and Sylvia) Well sorry. Visiting hours are over, we can't see him. So why don't we just go up to the mountains, find the gold, get rich, go home. Race you to the elevator.
Nick: Harry, poppy, I want to see your friend.
Harry: What's to see, the guys a veg. Cucumber with lips. (Sylvia looks sidetracked as she looks around.) Besides, Florence Nightmare won't let us in.
Sylvia: Louise.
Nick: What is it?
Sylvia: It's Louise, she's very upset. She says there's a tremendous psychic energy on this floor.
Harry: Probably somebody getting a sponge bath. I know that makes me crazy.
Nick: (to Sylvia) Follow her. Follow Louise.
Sylvia: Yeah. Yeah, sure.
(Burt's Hospital Room)
(Burt is alone in the room. Harry, Nick, and Sylvia walk in.)
Nick: My Lord.
Harry: Hi Burt! Jesus, you look good. I mean it. You got some color, that stuff's not dripping out of your ears anymore. That's great! You're gonna be outta here in a couple of days.
Nick: Can he talk?
Harry: Uh, a little. (mumbling under his breath as he pretends to be Burt) Go away. I don't want any visitors. …{unintelligible}…Well good-bye. (as himself) Well good-bye, Burt. I'll pick up those magazines you wanted. Okay, that's it. Let's go.
Nick: (to Sylvia) Can Louise talk to him, or…
Sylvia: I'll ask. Louise? Louise? Come on, you're making me look bad here. This guys gotta have some marbles left you could…
(Suddenly Burt awakens from his stupor. He looks around at all of them.)
Burt: Harry. Harry. (Harry walks over to him.)
Harry: It's me.
Burt: I found it, Harry. I found it.
Harry: Where is it, Burt?
Burt: It's far. Deep in the mountains.
Harry: Where?
Burt: Very far. Eli's dead.
Nick: How? How did he die?
Harry: And where?
Burt: I want pudding. They never bring me pudding. All they bring me is ice cream.
Harry: He's talking about pudding.
Nick: Did you bring back any gold, Mr. Wilder? That would help me find the rest of it.
Burt: Unbelievable, how could Carey Grant have never won an Oscar?
Sylvia: He's thinking randomly. It's like his mind is leaking away.
Burt: Harry, I once slept with your wife.
Harry: Estelle or Vivian?
Burt: Both.
Harry: Well, you're one up on me.
Nick: (to Burt) Can you think back to where you were? Can you put yourself back there?
Burt: (nods and leads forward like he's looking down at someone) Estelle please, you're married to Harry.
Nick: No! No. Back to the mountains where you were.
(Burt nods again, and then he begins to twitch and shake.)
Sylvia: Do something. Do something!
(Nick reaches over and touches Burt, and he gets thrown back by the power of the pyramid still inside Burt.)
Sylvia: Nick, what happened?
Nick: I don't know.
Harry: Static electricity, never drag your feet on a rug, always lift them.
Nick: You don't die from static electricity. What's up there, Harry, what did he find?
Harry: All I know is gold.
(Nick picks up a piece of rock that Burt was holding.)
Sylvia: What are you feeling, Nick?
Nick: I don't know. But it had nothing to do with gold. I'm going.
Sylvia: Back to New York?
Nick: Into the mountains where he was. I have to.
(They leave Burt's room.)
(Nurse’s Station)
(They see Ingo standing there.)
Ingo: Well I suppose we're all here for the same reason.
Sylvia: Oh, I don't think so. You see, we just came for the rabbit test. I'm gonna have Nick's baby. Ain't that right Big Daddy? (to Harry) Thanks Doc.
Harry: And remember lots of milk. That's (Spanish) down here. Excuse us. (they begin to walk away)
Ingo: Whatever Mr. Wilder told you he will also tell me.
Nick: I don't think so, he's dead (Ingo pulls out a gun with a silencer) Ah, a silencer, in a hospital, very thoughtful.
Ingo: Tell me what you know, Nick.
Nick: Right, what are you gonna do kill us? There's a nurse right there. She's a witness. (Without even turning to look, Ingo shoots the nurse in the arm and she falls to the ground.) Nice shot. Ingo, you're crazy. (Ingo points the gun at him.) But nice crazy.
Ingo: Tell me what Mr. Wilder told you.
Nick: Nothing. He slept with Harry's wives…
Harry: Everybody has to know?
(Ingo pulls the trigger back on the gun.)
Nick: Just that it's deep in the mountains, it's far, it takes days. Wind, dust, Eli's dead. That's it. I swear.
Ingo: I believe you. Now I'm going to have to kill all three of you.
Nick: Ingo, why? You don't have to kill us, there'll be another nurse along any minute.
Ingo: Just think of it as an effective way of eliminating the competition.
Sylvia: Louise?
Ingo: Trying to contact your psychic connection?
Sylvia: Louise! Ingo, your mother doesn't want you to do this.
Ingo: My mother is dead.
Sylvia: Yes, I know. She's speaking to me, well, to my psychic guide, Louise, from the other side. She wants you to stop this.
Ingo: This is pathetic.
Sylvia: (goes into a type of trance) Your mother's name is Gretchen. She died in a bobsled mishap. (Ingo nods) Ingo, she wants you to let us all go.
Harry: And give us all your money.
Nick: Shut up, Harry.
Sylvia: (begins to sing in Dutch)
Ingo: Mama. (begins singing along with her)
(The nurse gets up and smashes a chair over Ingo's head. Nick and Harry make to run off but Sylvia is still in her trance and singing. They pick her up and carry her out of the hospital.)
(Mountain Village)
(Harry is getting supplies for the trip. He's arguing with a native over the price of renting a llama.)
Harry: I'm dying here. How much really? Quatro?
Villager: (Spanish)
Harry: Two hundred? I don't want to marry him, I just want to rent him. I'll try another approach. I'll talk to the llama.
(The Mountains)
(They are now trekking into the wilderness in search of the Incan City.)
(Time lapse, they have reached a hilltop.)
Nick: This way.
Sylvia: (points the other way) Louise wants us to go that way.
Harry: Oh great, what do we do now, have a psych-off?
Nick: No, it's this way Louise.
Sylvia: She says no!
Nick: You're wrong Louise.
Harry: Oh, their first fight.
Nick: (begins walking, but looks back) Coming?
Harry: Well I'm in a quandry. (to Sylvia) Louise, is sure that the lost city is that way?
Sylvia: No. No, Louise doesn't say the city is that way, she just wants us to go THAT way!
Harry: Why?
Sylvia: Cause she's trying to protect us.
Harry: From what?
Sylvia: From death and horrible agony.
Harry: Well, we're gonna have to look beyond that. Come on, we follow Nick.
(They continue on their way. As the camera pans back we see that Ingo and the beggar man are following them.)
(Time lapse. They reach a point and Sylvia slips. Nick quickly reaches up to stop her stumble and he finds his hand on her rear end. She looks back and gives him a bit of a smile. He smiles in return.)
(Campsite - Night)
(Nick is alone in his tent. Sylvia walks up.)
Sylvia: Knock knock.
Nick: Come in.
(Sylvia does so, and she sits down across from him.)
Sylvia: Hi. Nice legs.
Nick: Thanks. You've got…you're very…hmmm…what are you doing here?
Sylvia: Well, I wasn't tired. I just finished Harry's hair and I thought I'd see how you were doing…so how are you doing?
Nick: Fine, just fine. You know I think we should start earlier tomorrow, who needs six hours sleep?
Sylvia: What's with you?
Nick: What?
Sylvia: Up every morning at the crack of dawn on the trail. Go go go. What have you been doing, smoking the local shrubbary?
Nick: No. Ever since the night in the hospital when I touched that poor man…
Sylvia: And you flew across the room.
Nick: Yeah. I just feel pulled.
Sylvia: Pulled?
Nick: When I'm out on the trail. Sometimes it's not like I'm walking, it's like I'm falling, and I can't stop. I think we're close.
Sylvia: Me too.
(They kiss.)
Sylvia: How'd that happen?
Nick: It just happened.
Sylvia: Is it gonna happen again?
Nick: Yes.
Sylvia: When?
Nick: Now.
Sylvia: Okay. (listens) Shut up, Louise.
Nick: Yeah, Louise, shut up.
(They kiss again.)
Nick: Yeah, you know, I'm curious. When did you decide you liked me?
Sylvia: Oh…I guess when you tried to save my life. I appreciated that. I thought, back then, he's really nice! (Nick grins) I thought, if there was every anything I could ever do for him, I will.
Nick: (pulls back) What do you mean?
Sylvia: What do you mean?
Nick: Do for me? What, like now?
Sylvia: What's happening here? A minute ago you were ready to disappear down my throat.
Nick: I don't know. This is starting to sound a little too much like charity.
Sylvia: I must have said the wrong words. I admit I'm not that smart. I'm not a museum person.
Nick: Well, you know, the way it's coming out, uh, you're looking for a little action…there's no one here but me and Harry…and I won. But not by much.
Sylvia: Okay. (sarcastic) I want you bad all right. I dream about you and me and a house in Long Island. I'm only half a woman until I make love to you. (normal) You happy now?
Nick: Must we spoil what's been a depraved and embarrassing evening? (Sylvia opens her mouth as if to say something) No, no. Please, please…not another word. This is just how I want to forget you.
Sylvia: Screw you!
Nick: No thanks!
Sylvia: (gets up) Boy, Nick, you really know how to show a girl a good time.
Harry: (entering with his hair all done up) Hey, I forgot to ask you…can I sleep on this?
Sylvia: Who gives a shit? (storms out)
Harry: What's the matter with her?
Nick: I wouldn't sleep with her.
Harry: Oh, Really? (leaves) Sylvia?
(Later that night, Nick is asleep. The piece of rock from the lost city begins to tremble and it wakes him up. He picks it up and goes to stand outside his tent. He follows where the rock guides. It takes him all the way into the mountains and finally to the lost city.)
(Campsite - Day)
(Harry is heating something up over the fire. Sylvia is on the lookout for Nick.)
Sylvia: I'm telling you something, he's double crossing us. He's gone off to get it himself.
Harry: That's ridiculous. He wouldn't do that. Nick is a totally honorable guy, despite that, I like him.
Sylvia: Oh yeah, well tell me something. Where is that talking frankfooter?
Harry: It's my guess he fell off that cliff.
Sylvia: Oh.
(As they talk Nick stumbles down the mountain behind them looking very dirty and worn out.)
Harry: See, that's why after the fight last night you should have slept with me.
Sylvia: What good would that have done?
Harry: It would have done me a lot of good.
Nick: Hey.
Sylvia: Nick! Nick. Did you…?
Nick: Yes.
Harry: You found it?
Nick: I found…something.
Harry: That's it! That's it! He found it! That's my Nicky. Come on, let's go get it.
Nick: I'm never going near that place again.
Harry: (ignoring him) Come on, Nick. Here we go boy! Come on.
Sylvia: Louise, what's really happening here?
Nick: Louise, it's the bad thing. Harry don't go!
Harry: Don't go? That's crazy! We're gonna be rich.
Sylvia: Wait! Louise is freaking out. We gotta leave this place right away, Harry.
Harry: There's no danger there, I swear. You know what's happening here? You two are feeling a lot of sexual tension as the result of the near miss in Nick's tent last night. Why don't you guys work that out? I'll turn around, give you a couple of minutes, have a good time. (he turns around and begins singing to himself)
Nick: Harry, you can turn around now!
Harry: Already? I'd see a doctor about that.
Nick: Harry, there's no gold in that city. You're wrong, it's something else.
Harry: It's called the Room of Gold, I swear. If I'm lying, may god strike me dead.
(As soon as these words are spoken Harry falls forward as a knife is thrown into his back by Ingo. Sylvia catches him.)
Sylvia: Oh god!
Ingo: An Indian taught me how to do that, underhanded. Getting pretty good at it, don't you think?
Nick: You swine.
Harry: Well, this is it dolls. I may as well tell you now…the fifty thousand I gave you…don't spend it. It's not real.
Sylvia: Don't talk.
Harry: I'm sorry I was never honest with you. I just really wanted this bad. I wanted to be somebody.
Sylvia: You are somebody.
Harry: Somebody with money. Would you like your limousine now Mr. Buscafusco? Two tickets to Rome Mr. Buscafusco. I'm scared.
Sylvia: Don't worry. Louise says there's nothing to be afraid of. She's gonna take care of you.
Harry: I see her. She's pretty. (he dies)
Ingo: (shoots his gun into the air) Remember me?
Nick: You bet!
Ingo: I couldn't help but overhear your conversation with the late Mr. Buscafusco.
Sylvia: He's only late because of you, you miserable piece of shit.
Ingo: Oh enough of that already. Nick, you've been to the lost city, tell me where it is.
Nick: No.
Ingo: (aims the gun at Nick's crotch) The count of three, they're all over the mountains.
Nick: They being?
Ingo: Your nuts.
Nick: Just to clarify.
Ingo: One.
Sylvia: Tell him.
Ingo: Two.
Nick: I can't.
Ingo: Three.
(Someone shoots the gun out of Ingo's hand. They turn and look and it's Dr. Harrison Steele.)
Nick: You?
Sylvia: Why…it's Dr. Steele?
Harrison: Thank god I got here in time.
Sylvia: Harrison how did you ever…
Harrison: I assume he killed Harry.
Sylvia: Yeah, the bastard.
Nick: You knew Harry?
Harrison: A long time. There was only one Harry, and now there's none.
(The beggar man comes up behind Harrison.)
Sylvia: Harrison, look out behind you.
Harrison: (turns to look then turns back) Oh that's Carl.
Sylvia: Say, aren't you that idiot tin salesman?
Carl: Oh, it's nice to be remembered.
Harrison: Ingo killed Harry, and he was about to kill Nick. (to Ingo) What was the thinking behind that?
Ingo: Well I tell you that…
Harrison: Shut up. Carl, I told you one of us must always stay with him.
Nick: You mean you guys are all in cahoots with one another?
Harrison: Yes.
Sylvia: So you killed Harry.
Harrison: Harry is dead and so is the subject. Now let's talk about something I want to talk about, the location of the lost city. Which I suspect is somewhere up there. (points)
(Later)
(Sylvia and Nick are being forced to take them to the lost city. Or rather, Ingo is leading the way, but Nick and Sylvia are being forced to tag along at gunpoint. They have reached what appears to be a sold wall.)
Harrison: Congratulations Ingrid, we're lost. Feel free to kill yourself.
Ingo: This is the way Nick came, I'm sure of it.
Sylvia: One thing you've got to say about me, I've got some great taste when it comes to guys.
Nick: Oh sorry, I did my best. What do you want?
Sylvia: I don't mean you, I mean him. (point to Harrison) Dr. Craphead. I pick one low life bum after the next. I swear I don't even think I ever fell for a decent guy.
Nick: Oh, thanks.
Sylvia: I didn't mean to say it.
Nick: No, no, we had this fight before.
Sylvia: Yeah, but you always take it the wrong way.
Nick: Please.
Sylvia: All right then!
Carl: Move!
Nick: Hey!
Carl: Hey. (shoves the gun in Nick's face)
(Nick and Sylvia continue up until they've caught up with Ingo and Harrison.)
Harrison: So this is where Nick sprouted wings and flew over the mountain?
Ingo: There is going to come a point where I'm not going to have to listen to your insults anymore.
Harrison: And then what?
(Nick looks nervously at the crack in the wall that's just big enough for a person to get through. He then looks quickly away. Ingo, however, saw this and looks at the crack in a new way.)
Ingo: (laughs) Care to see the lost city?
(They all head into the crack and they emerge on the other side on the outskirts of the city.)
Harrison: Come on!
(They head for the top of the city where the pyramid is at.)
Sylvia: What is that?
Harrison: That's what we came for.
Nick: I sense something. The presence of something not human.
Sylvia: Not human?
Carl: Oh stop, you're scaring me to death. Move.
(The Pyramid)
(Ingo is kneeling beside the pyramid trying to interpret the symbols written there. Harrison stands off to the side.)
Nick: Get away from that. You don't want anything to do with that.
Harrison: On the contrary this is exactly what we want.
Ingo: Curious. This can't be Incan. They left no alphabet.
Nick: It's not Incan, it's older.
Ingo: This is the formula, I'm sure of it.
Harrison: Can you read this?
Ingo: No.
Harrison: Not enough psychic energy?
Ingo: Too much.
Nick: Great!
(Sylvia begins speaking in tongues, translating the pyramid.)
Harrison: In English, Sylvia.
Sylvia: This is the beginning and end of all things. It is the tip of God's arrow fallen to earth…
Nick: No!
(Nick runs over and taps Sylvia on the forehead and she comes out of her trance and slides to the ground.)
Harrison: Get away from her.
Nick: You get away from her. (to Sylvia) You were decoding the pyramid. You were speaking in tongues.
Sylvia: Nick, what is that thing?
Nick: I don't know. But it's high time I found out. (he places his hand on the stone base of the pyramid) Energy. Tremendous energy. The most concentrated psychic energy on the planet. They knew how to use it… (his hand begins to smoke)
Sylvia: Nick!
Nick: …and they used it against each other. (he jerks his hand back and it's burned)
Harrison: Very good, Nick. I was right about you. You are the best. (Sylvia goes over to Nick. She takes over her scarf and wraps it around his hand.) Carry on reading the pyramid Sylvia.
Nick: Don't. The rest of the message tells how to extract and harness the power.
Harrison: Finish reading the pyramid, Sylvia.
Sylvia: I'd give you the finger sweety, but I'm too refined. (she flips him off using her whole arm)
Harrison: (to Ingo) I'm beginning to take your point of view about killing these people.
Ingo: She told me enough. Now it's just a matter of cryptography. Soon, Harrison, we'll have all the power.
Harrison: So, do I trust Ingo and kill you now. Or keep you alive should he prove to be suffering from his usual over-confidence. What do you think…Carl?
Carl: Oh, he hardly ever asks me for my opinion. I'm flattered.
(Time Lapse)
(Ingo is translating the pyramid while Sylvia and Harrison watch.)
Ingo: There, that's the last of the ideograms. I just need the phonograms. You'll have it by the dawn.
Harrison: (sarcastically) Great.
Ingo: (irritated) I said you'll have it by the dawn.
Sylvia: You're not gonna get away with this.
Harrison: (kneels down in front of her with the gun) Get away with what, cutie?
Sylvia: With…whatever it is you're trying to get away with.
Harrison: What I'm going to try and get away with is to reintroduce some much needed order into the world. But it doesn't concern you.
Sylvia: It doesn't?
Harrison: No. You and Nick could find your way back here to fulfill your own ambitions. I don't need the competition. Sorry.
(Elsewhere in the Lost City)
(Nick has been taken to another part of the lost city and is being guarded by Carl.)
(The Pyramid)
Sylvia: (quietly) Louise, help me say good-by to Nick. Don't worry if you can't bring me back.
(She lays back down and then astral projects her mind out of her body.)
(Elsewhere in the Lost City)
Carl: I don't think we would have found it without you, Nick.
Nick: And this is how you show your appreciation?
Carl: I'll give you a break. Where wouldn't you like to be shot?
Nick: South America. (stops and listens) Oh, Sylvia.
Carl: Hey, don't call me girl's names.
(As Nick talks to Sylvia, Carl looks at him like he's crazy because Nick appears to be talking to a rock.)
Nick: It's you! (listens) Yeah, we probably only have a few minutes.
Carl: What the hell?
Nick: (listens) Really? Oh, that's so sweet. Thanks for coming over. I'm glad. I wish I could get us out of this. Wait a second! Remember in the hospital, with Ingo, what you did with him and his mother? Do that for me and this guy! (listens) Yeah, I'll wait.
Carl: You do this a lot? Talk to rocks?
Nick: In a moment I'm gonna have a big surprise for you. A message from the other side. (listens) Yeah, uh huh, good. (to Carl) Hi, purrito.
Carl: Purrito? Only my papa ever called me purrito.
Nick: I know. I'm sort of in contact with your papa.
Carl: Bullshit.
Nick: (listens) I don't know how it got there but get your sisters head out of the toilet or I'll crack your ass the other way.
Carl: It is the old man.
Nick: That's right. He's inside me. Now, listen Carl, he wants you to let me go.
Carl: He does?
Nick: Yes.
Carl: He's inside of you, huh?
Nick: Yes, that's right, purrito.
(Suddenly Carl flies at Nick and proceeds to punch the crap out of him.)
Carl: You miserable old bag of shit.
Nick: What?
Carl: All my life I wanted to get back at you but you died before I got a chance.
Nick: Now, purrito…
Carl: Don't purrito me. All those nights you locked me up in the paint shed. I was scared to death.
Nick: Sylvia.
Carl: I hate your guts. Here's for the paint shed. (punch) Here's for what you did to mama. (punch)
Nick: Surely I had some good qualities.
Carl: Why didn't you ever tell me you loved me? That's all I wanted.
Nick: I love you, purrito. I swear I love you.
Carl: Really?
Nick: Really son, I always did.
Carl: Oh, papa!
(Nick punches Carl and Carl passes out.)
Nick: Teach you to hit your papa. (he grabs Carl's machine gun) Get back in your body, Sylvia. I'm coming to rescue you.
(The Pyramid)
(Sylvia is still unconscious. Harrison is standing over her, trying to see if he can wake her. He can't and so he moves off. Nick arrives with the gun pointed at Harrison and Ingo.)
Nick: (to Harrison) Drop it! (Harrison does. Ingo reaches for his gun.) No! Toss it. Please. (Ingo does.) Thank you. Move! (They move away from the pyramid. Nick goes over and kneels beside Sylvia.) Sylvia? Sylvia? (he leans down and kisses her and she wakes up)
Sylvia: Hi Nick.
Nick: Let's go.
Sylvia: Yeah. (they go to walk away, but she pauses) Just a second.
Nick: Hmm?
Sylvia: (walks over to Harrison) Harrison?
Harrison: Yes, Sylvia?
Sylvia: (knees Harrison in the crotch) That's for Harry!
Ingo: I told you to kill them.
Harrison: What do you think you're doing?
Nick: We're escaping, and pretty flamboyantly I might add.
Sylvia: Wait a minute.
Nick: What?
Sylvia: By the time we got back they would have the energy. They could destroy anybody who came after them.
Nick: Yes. Okay, here's what we're gonna do. Sylvia's going to escape. I'm going to stay behind and make sure that nothing happens to this until she brings someone back.
Sylvia: Are you sure?
Nick: Yeah.
Harrison: Have you handled a machine gun before?
Nick: Sure, lots of time. In high school I was captain of the machine gun team.
Harrison: They can be very tricky, Nicky.
(Harrison moves forward so Nick shoots the gun off into the air. Harrison stops.)
Nick: Not that tricky. (to Sylvia) Better get going.
Sylvia: This isn't fair. I dragged you down here, you should leave and I should have to stay here with the gun.
Nick: Absolutely not.
Sylvia: You're very brave.
Nick: Well everybody looks brave holding a machine gun. Go go, hurry back. (she leaves) Okay boys, what do you say we all make ourselves comfortable and wait for the authorities.
(Sylvia is several yards away when a gun shot sounds. Back at the pyramid Nick is now lying on the ground. Carl woke up and shot Nick.)
Nick: Or I could lie here and bleed to death. The choice is yours. This isn't going to get in the way of our friendship is it?
Ingo: Oh, let's just kill him. Then we tap into the energy.
Harrison: Good-bye, Nick.
Sylvia: (from behind them right by the pyramid) Don't! (They all quickly turn and look at her.) Don't do it.
Harrison: What are you doing up there?
Sylvia: I want you and these other mutants to walk out of here right now!
Harrison: Or what?
Sylvia: I don't need a formula to draw this energy.
Nick: No. No.
Harrison: You saw what happened to Mr. Wilder. He was only touching his friend who was touching the pyramid. You'll destroy yourself along with the rest of us.
Sylvia: That's right! Along with the rest of you!
Ingo: Let's go!
Harrison: Okay…
(There is a shuffle as Harrison pulls a gun and aims it at Sylvia. Nick knocks him down and the shot is fired into the air.)
Ingo: Let me kill him.
(Sylvia, fed up with all of this, slams her hands down on the pyramid and begins to speak in tongues, drawing the energy out.)
Nick: Sylvia let go.
(Sylvia turns to look at Ingo and she throws him off the pyramid side with the power she's drawn from the pyramid. The city around them begins to crumble. Harrison and Carl run off in different directions. Carl gets killed by falling stones. The city really begins to crumble. The winds begin to blow as Sylvia draws more and more power out of the pyramid.)
Nick: Sylvia!!
(Harrison is cornered by large slabs of rock. He is then killed when smaller rocks rain down from the upper levels of the city.)
Nick: Sylvia let go! Louise help her!!
(The power grows so intense it looks as if the pyramid might explode. Suddenly Sylvia is thrown back and the pyramid goes dark.)
Nick: Sylvia. How…what happened?
Sylvia: There was a room, the whole thing turned to gold. And I felt incredible. Then there was Louise, saying good-bye.
Nick: What is it?
Sylvia: She went into the light. She saved my life. Louise is gone.
(Nick holds her close as she grieves her loss.)
(A few days later)
(Nick and Sylvia, looking totally trashed, are walking through Ecuador heading for the hotel. They look like they've been in a war. People are just stopping to stare at them. They enter the hotel and the desk clerk is a little shocked by their appearance, but he tries not to show it.)
Nick: We'd like to check in please.
Clerk: Yes, Mr. Deezy. We're a little crowded, so I'll have to put you in different wings. I hope you don't mind. (he gives them two keys)
Nick: (picks up his key) I'm that way. (nods to the way his room is)
Sylvia: I'm over there. (points) Take care of your leg.
(They both head to their rooms.)
(Time Lapse)
(Sylvia is now all cleaned up. She's on the balcony of her bedroom looking out into the mountains. She goes inside and sits down a room service table. There is a knock at the door as Nick enters.)
Sylvia: Hi.
Nick: May I come in a second?
Sylvia: Yeah, sure. I was just eating.
Nick: So, I'm gonna leave for New York tonight.
Sylvia: Okay. I'm gonna stay here a little while longer. I love it here.
Nick: Oh, yeah, it must be an awful big adjustment for you, still without Louise.
Sylvia: Oh, it's okay. Louise moved on to a higher spiritual plane. I guess she felt that I was ready to be on my own. You know? (Nick gets up) Well have a good flight.
(Nick reaches over and picks up a glass.)
Sylvia: What are you doing?
Nick: I'm learning about the person who held this glass.
Sylvia: But Nick…
Nick: I'm getting a very clear image. This is a person who acts as if she has a lot of confidence in herself, but she doesn't. She's got involved with a guy who usually isn't her type. She doesn't want to admit it because she's afraid of getting hurt, but she's fallen in love with this guy. And that's what I'm getting from this glass. (he sets it down)
Sylvia: Nick, I never touched that glass. Apparently the waiter is in love with you.
Nick: (smiles) Well I better go talk to him and let him down easy. (he gets up and heads for the door)
Sylvia: (stands and picks up a cup) Nick! I touched this cup.
(Nick walks back to her and takes the cup from her. He reads the cup, and then sets it down and gathers her into his arms. They kiss. He picks her up and as she laughs he carries her over to the bed. As he lays her down on the bed she bumps her head on the headboard.)
Nick: Oh! Oh Sylvia, I'm sorry. Your head. Oh no, are you okay?
Sylvia: Yeah. (stops and looks around)
Nick: What is it?
Sylvia: Someone's here.
Nick: Louise?
Sylvia: No. (listens) Oh my God! It's Harry!!
(THE END)