First Date
(England – Flat – Day)
(Giles is talking to Robson while a Bringer sneaks up behind him, wielding an axe.)
Giles: I understand. I'll take care of i—
(One of the robed men sneaks up behind Giles wielding a battle-axe. He swings it at Giles. Giles grabs the shaft of the axe right before the blade touches him. He stands, punches the Bringer in the stomach, and takes control of the axe. Holding the axe handle with a hand on either end, he knocks the Bringer in the chin, sending him backwards into a chair. Giles swings the axe at the Bringer's neck, chopping off its head.)
(Sunnydale – Cemetery – Night)
(Giles is telling his story to the girls as they patrol. Buffy, Kennedy, Amanda and a new slayer in training are with him.)
Giles: It was, uh, extraordinary good luck, of course. And—and, uh, training—years of training. Chao-Ahn, keep up. You're new here, Chao-Ahn, so take note. Remember about training. But I honestly feel the largest part of it was instinct. Instinct and-and reflexes. There's a sort of wary watchfulness I've developed over the years. It's like another sense—
(From out of nowhere, someone attacks Giles, knocking him to the ground. It's Spike.)
Buffy: (worried) Spike!
Giles: Hey! You’re not in pain!
Spike: (simultaneously with Giles) Hey! You’re not the First!
Giles: What?
Spike: Anya said you were the First. Said you were evil. You're supposed to be all go-through-able. (stands, walks to Buffy's side)
Giles: (stands) Then what the hell did you tackle me for, you berk? What's that supposed to do?
Spike: I, uh, I didn't think of that.
Giles: More importantly, you just hit me. Why didn't your chip go off?
Spike: (looks down) Yeah, well...
Buffy: Well, uh, when we were at the Initiative... (looks at Spike)
Spike: (looks at Buffy) There was a choice.
Buffy: (looks at Giles) Right. Either repair the chip, or to remove it.
Giles: You had it remov—You removed the chip?
Buffy: (smiling, trying to look innocent) Yeah.
Spike: Had to make a choice.
Buffy: It really is OK.
Amanda: What's a chip?
Kennedy: They removed the chip?
(Chao-Ahn speaks in Chinese so all her lines are subtitles.)
Chao-Ahn: (subtitle) I don't understand a word any of you are saying.
(Summers Residence – Buffy’s Room – Day)
(Buffy's sitting at her vanity, putting on large gold hoop earrings. She's wearing a thin v-necked red sweater. Giles walks down the hall toward her room and stops at the doorway.)
Giles: You know this is very dangerous.
Buffy: Ah, you just heard the horror stories. Wear hoops, they'll catch on something, rip your lobe off. Lobes flying everywhere.
Giles: (rolls eyes) That's not what I'm talking about.
Buffy: You mean Spike not having a chip. Free range Spike?
Giles: I have to ask—why on Earth did you make that decision?
Buffy: Guess it was instinct, like you were talking about.
Giles: I made that up! (walks into the room) I knew the Bringer was there because his shoes squeaked. (sits on her vanity) Buffy, it's crucial that we keep these girls safe. I can't count the dangers—the First, the Bringers, random demons, and now Spike?
Buffy: And the Principal.
Giles: What?
Buffy: Oh, nothing much. He was in the school basement, holding a shovel, acting evasive. Plus, he's got that whole "too charming to be real" thing going on. I'm looking into it.
Giles: (stands) Oh, well that sounds very responsible of you. Balances out the vampire-on-the-loose issue.
Buffy: (stands, walks across the room to fold laundry) Nothing's changed, Giles. Spike had a chip before, remember? When the First had him kill and sire all those people.
Giles: We have no idea if his chip was working then. (takes off glasses) A new chip might restrain him should the First attempt to activate him again.
Buffy: (turns to face Giles) Spike has a soul now. That's what's gonna stop him from hurting people.
Giles: Buffy...
Buffy: He can be a good man, Giles. I feel it. But he's never gonna get there if we don't give him the chance. (walks to her closet to put the clothes away)
Giles: (walks up to Buffy) Buffy, I want more for you. Your feelings for him are coloring your judgement. I can hear it in your voice. (Buffy sighs) And that way lies a future filled with pain. I don't want that for you.
Buffy: We haven't— (looks uncomfortable) Things have been different since he came back.
Giles: It doesn't matter if you're not physical with each other anymore. There's a connection. You rely on him, he relies on you. That's what's affecting your judgment.
Buffy: You think I'm losing sight of the big picture, but I'm not. When Spike had that chip, it was like having him in a muzzle. It was wrong. You can't beat evil by doing evil. I know that. (walks out of the room)
Giles: (calling after her, calmly) Well, I hope you're right. You're gambling with a lot of lives.
(Home Improvement Store)
(Xander's standing around in a crowd of customers watching a green-aproned store employee cut a length of pipe with a huge power tool. He looks around and notices a pretty woman looking at the spools of rope on a display. Xander walks over to her, taking off his safety glasses.)
Xander: Hi, can I help? You seem kind of confused.
Woman: (holding a rope, looks at his clothes) You aren't wearing a green apron.
Xander: Confused, but sort of randomly observant.
Woman: Sorry, I just mean... you don't work here, right?
Xander: No. Right. Just helpful. I'm Xander.
Woman: Lissa. (they shake hands) And I guess I could use some advice. I can't even figure out if I've got the right kind of rope.
Xander: That depends on what you need it for. Something like functional around the house, or, you know, recreational. (Lissa raises her eyebrows and grins) By which I mean, for example, boating or mountain climbing—not for tying someone up for sexy, funky fun. (Lissa giggles) In conclusion, rope can be useful in various ways.
Lissa: I have a kayak.
Xander: Again with the random. I like it.
Lissa: Sorry. I need to store my kayak. So I was thinking maybe I could sorta suspend it from the ceiling in the garage with ropes and a pulley or a winch thing.
Xander: Not a bad plan. You'll need stronger rope than that. Wanna have coffee with me later?
Lissa: What?
Xander: Oh, you're the only one that gets to be random? (Lissa smiles)
(Sunnydale High – Principal’s Office)
(While no one is looking, Buffy walks into the office labeled "Principal. Robin M. Wood" on it and closes the door behind her. She looks through files on his desk, then looks around the room.)
Buffy: Now, if I were a sign of being evil, where would I be?
(Buffy notices a wall cabinet, and walks up to it. Before she can open it, Principal Wood walks into the office. )
Principal Wood: Uh, Buffy?
Buffy: (turns to face him) Principal Wood. It's you.
Principal Wood: You looking for something?
Buffy: File folders. And mechanical pencils. Well, I want to write on a file folder with a mechanical pencil.
Principal Wood: The supply cabinet in the outer office has those things.
Buffy: Oh, this isn't a supply cabinet? My bad. OK. Thanks. (starts to walk out)
Principal Wood: (steps in her path) Hey, Buffy...
Buffy: Yeah?
Principal Wood: Um, what're you doing tonight?
Buffy: Preparing for tomorrow's counseling sessions.
Principal Wood: No, really.
Buffy: Watching a reality show about a millionaire.
Principal Wood: Well, then, I'd, um— I'd like to take you out to dinner, if that's all right with you. I mean, you don't have to. I'm certainly not saying come to dinner if you enjoy having a job. (chuckles then realizes what he said) You know, I may have to make up a document saying I didn't just say that and have you sign it.
Buffy: (smiles) Sure. I'd be happy to have dinner with you.
Principal Wood: Great. I'll draw up the paperwork.
(Buffy nods and walks out of the office. Principal Wood closes his office door after her, then takes a bloody handkerchief out of his breast pocket. He unfolds the bloody handkerchief, revealing a knife inside. Wiping the blood off the knife, he walks toward the cabinet Buffy had been curious about. Upon opening it, there's just a standard dry-erase board inside until the Principal raises it out of the way to show a hidden compartment behind it where dozens of exotic knives are displayed. He puts the knife he's holding back in it's place and looks over his shoulder toward the door.)
(Summers Residence – Living Room)
(Buffy's sitting on the couch while Willow's folding laundry from the laundry basket beside her.)
Willow: (folding socks) So, he asked you out to dinner?
Buffy: Yeah. Isn't that weird? I mean, he's a Principal. He's a young, hot Principal with earrings, but he's a Principal. Why do you think he asked me out? I mean, he could be interested, right?
Willow: Yeah, sure. You're a frisky vixen.
Buffy: Or, it could be work-related. Maybe I'm getting promoted for doing such a good job.
Willow: (laughs, then notices Buffy's hurt look and gets serious) Oh, right, that—that makes sense too.
Buffy: Or, maybe he knows that I suspect he's up to something, and he's taking me out to kill me.
Willow: (shrugs) Well, you'll have to dress for the ambiguity.
Buffy: You know, it's not even that he's acting that suspicious. It's just—there he is. On the hell mouth. All day, every day. That's got to be like being showered with evil. Only from underneath.
Willow: Not really a shower.
Buffy: A bidet. Like a bidet of evil.
Willow: Buff, if he's really interested, (smiles) are you interested back?
Buffy: (blushes) I don't know. He's good-looking, and he's—he's solid, he's smart, he's normal. So, not the wicked energy, which is nice 'cause I don't want to only be attracted to wicked energy. Or what if he is wicked, in which case, is that why I'm attracted to him?
Willow: I'm gonna wait for that sentence to come around again before I jump on.
Buffy: (grins) You know what? Yeah, I mean I think I like him. And he'd be good for me.
Willow: (nods) Right. Help you move on.
Buffy: (defensively) Why does everybody in this house think I'm still in love with Spike?
Willow: No, I-I meant move on from this imposed super-self-reliance. Let somebody get close.
Buffy: Oh. (the front door opens) Hey, someone's here.
Xander: (comes in through the front door, giddy) Guys, guess what happened.
Willow: (grins) Buffy got a date!
Xander: (excited) No, I did. (looks at Buffy, frowning) Fine. Way to steal my thunder.
Buffy: Sorry. If it makes you feel better, it's Principal Wood, and I think he's aligned with the First.
Xander: Also, like ten years older than you, right?
Willow: (teasing) Which is like 100 years younger than your type!
Buffy: Yay. Someone who doesn't remember the Industrial Revolution.
Willow: I think they're gonna end up making out. (mocking, holds a pair of socks to her chest lovingly) "Oh, Principal Wood," she'll gasp, "I love your lack of wicked energy."
Buffy: (throws a pair of socks at Willow) Watch it, or I'm gonna make you talk about your new girlfriend who you hold hands with under the dinner table and think we don't notice.
Willow: How 'bout yours, Xander. Is she evil?
Xander: Well, she's interested in me, so there's a good chance, but I'm hoping for the best. We're going for coffee. She has a kayak—
(Giles and Chao-Ahn come through the front door, loaded with overflowing shopping bags.)
Giles: (putting down the shopping bags) Dear lord, I hate that mall. The shop assistants are rude. And everything in the Food Court is sticky.
Willow: Looks like you found her some stuff.
Giles: Oh, hello. Yes.
Xander: That's gotta be rough. Getting just like pulled out of your home, being told you're a potential slayer, not being able to bring anything.
Giles: Yes, and the language barrier is formidable. I was concerned that my Mandarin is a little thin, but as it turns out, she speaks Cantonese, which is thinner. But we muddled through, and, as I suspected, ice cream is a universal language.
Chao-Ahn: (subtitle) Like many from Asia, I am lactose intolerant. I'm very uncomfortable.
Buffy: (smiling, nodding, talking through her closed teeth) What'd she say?
Giles: She's grateful to be in the land of plenty. (to Chao-Ahn, slowly) Let's, um, go and put away your new clothes. (picks up bags and walks upstairs; Chao-Ahn nods and follows)
Buffy: Hey, Will, do you think you can do a computer check on Principal Wood. See if you can find anything out.
Willow: Yeah, sure. Want me to check your girl out while I'm at it, Xand?
Xander: Nope. I'm going in blind. I'm gonna be an optimist about this. Why go looking for trouble? If it's gonna find you, it's gonna find you.
(Kitchen)
(Andrew's standing by the new microwave that's on the counter, reading the manual, holding a highlighter pen.)
Andrew: (reading the cover page) "Getting the most out of your new microwave." (nods) Hm. Nice. (opens the manual, reading) "Clock comma setting the, page 3." (leans the manual on the countertop to highlight text in it)
Jonathan/First: You don't need a manual, it's intuitive. (Andrew notices Jonathan/First and backs away into the corner.) There's a button marked "Clock Set" for pity's sake. What kind of a nerd are you? (scoffs) No wonder you crashed your jet pack.
Andrew: No, get thee behind me. (takes a cross out of his jeans pocket) I rebuke thee. (holds out the cross) Take that, The First!
Jonathan/First: (rolls his eyes) Look, you monkey. (He walks up to Andrew, sticks out his hand and passes through the cross.) Ooh. Ahh. It burns as it ineffectually passes through me. (puts his hand at his side) I'm not corporeal, remember. Also, not a vampire, so—a cross?
Andrew: (puts the cross on the counter) What do you want from me, Jonathan slash The First?
Jonathan/First: I have an assignment for you.
Andrew: Um, I follow Buffy's orders now. I'm redeeming myself for... killing you—I mean, for... killing Jonathan.
Jonathan/First: Really, why? (laughs) So you can earn a spot on her little pep squad? You think she'll ever let you in? You're a murderer.
Andrew: (nods) Confidentially, a lot of her people are murderers. Anya and Willow and Spike.
Jonathan/First: Interesting. And you're the only one she makes seek redemption. Does that seem fair to you?
Andrew: (squirms in place) I guess not.
Jonathan/First: You know we're headed toward a fight, don't you?
Andrew: Yeah.
Jonathan/First: What do you think the world's gonna be like after that? Newsflash. There's not going to be a slayer gang anymore. But there is going to be Evil. And as long as there is Evil, I live. And as long as I live, you can dwell at my side.
Andrew: That sounds nice.
Jonathan/First: Your assignment won't be hard. They're just little girls.
Andrew: You want me to hurt the girls?
Jonathan/First: Uh, no, not all of them. Not Dawn, not Anya, not Willow, and not your friend Buffy. Just the potential slayers.
Andrew: That's—that's horrible. (points) I'm-I'm gonna scream and—and get Buffy in here.
Jonathan/First: She can't see me, and I'm gonna keep talking until you hear what I have to say, so listen up, OK? The girls must die.
Andrew: (breathes deeply) I could never do that. All those girls, a-all that blood—I-I didn't like the stabbing before.
Jonathan/First: You don't have to stab. This'll be easy. Andrew, I want you to think. Willow brought something to this house—something good, something you can use.
Andrew: (thinks for a moment, then gestures spokes-model-style) The new microwave?
Jonathan/First: (blinks deliberately, then glares) The gun. I want you to think hard. Where did they put the gun?
Andrew: Hmm.
(Upstairs Bathroom)
(Anya's cleaning a spot on a blouse while Buffy waits wearing jeans and a lace camisole.)
Anya: I don't think it's really a date. That's what I think. (scrubbing the shirt)
Buffy: Well, it is unclear. That's why I chose a top that says, you know, I'm comfortable in a stodgy office or a swinging casual setting—or killing you, you know, if you're a demon.
Anya: It also says I sometimes get blood on my shoulder. (looks at the shirt again) Or it might be pizza. (hands the shirt to Buffy) I don't think I can fix it.
Buffy: Thanks for trying.
Anya: And I wasn't talking about your date anyway. I was talking about this sham date of Xander's. I think it's part of a plan to make me jealous.
Buffy: (shakes her head) Well, it's not working.
Anya: Are you nuts? Of course it's working. Observe my-my bitter ranting. Hear the shrill edge of hysteria in my voice.
Buffy: Um, I should really go find something else to wear. (walks out of the room)
Anya: Fine, go. Leave me here to stew in my impotent rage. (Buffy stops, turns to look at Anya.) I'm also gonna pee, (nods) so you should probably go. (shrugs)
(Hallway)
(Buffy steps out of the bathroom into the hallway to find Spike walking down the hall. They are face to face. Buffy stops in her tracks as soon as she sees him and tries to cover herself with the stained blouse.)
Spike: You look nice.
Buffy: Oh, thanks. (looks down at her camisole) Uh, traditionally, one wears something over this.
Spike: Heard you got a date.
Buffy: (nervous) Well, it's unclear. I mean, I have this whole theory about a promotion. Or he's evil.
Spike: Buffy, I'm all right.
Buffy: You don't have to—
Spike: What? Be noble? I'm not. Really, I'm all right. Think I still dream of a crypt for two with a white picket fence? My eyes are clear.
Buffy: Good. I'm glad. Thank you.
Spike: Never much cared for picket fences, anyway. Bloody dangerous.
Buffy: You should try this too. The going out thing, I mean. I mean, there's that girl you brought to Anya and Xander's not-a-wedding.
Spike: Oh, yeah, right. There's always girls who like the look—bad boy, you know. (nods) Does it for some of them.
Buffy: Yeah, I can see that. I should go. I don't wanna be late.
(Buffy walks down the hall past Spike.)
(Coffee Shop – Night)
(Xander's sitting alone at a table, staring at the clock on the wall; it reads 8:30. Xander sighs to himself for a moment, then Lissa walks in.)
Xander: Lissa! Hi. (stands) I was afraid you weren't coming.
Lissa: You said 8:30, right? Did you think I was going to stand you up? (sits)
Xander: (sits) Well, it would be kind of karmic.
Lissa: What?
Xander: Forget it. I'm just glad you're here. You're gonna love the coffee. Got myself a redeye—it's black coffee with a shot of espresso. (Lissa grabs his mug to inspect it, Xander tries unsuccessfully to stop her.) It's kinda rough if you're not used to that sort of thing—
Lissa: (tastes Xander's drink) It's hot cocoa.
Xander: Well, sometimes I don't sleep too good. I just lost macho points, didn't I?
Lissa: (shrugs) Hey, who wants macho? I like that you like hot cocoa. (to waiter) Redeye, please. (shrugs) Sounded good.
(Summers Residence – Dining Room)
(Willow's sitting at the dining room table, using her laptop, with Dawn and Amanda on either side of her and Kennedy behind her looking on.)
Dawn: Nothing? No records or certificates? College transcripts?
Amanda: Looks like the only stuff in the system about Principal Robin Wood is super-recent. Like, since he moved to Sunnydale.
Willow: I've Googled 'til I just can't Google no more. He's not in there.
Kennedy: Well, that's suspicious.
(Anya storms into the dining room holding a stack of papers. Giles follows.)
Giles: Anya, calm down. They're educational—
Willow: (Anya hands the papers to Willow) What's this?
(Willow flips through the papers. They are crude stick-figure drawings in black and red marker depicting "Bringer" on one, "Vampire" on another, and "The Slayer (Buffy)" as well. There are more, but we get the idea. Each one shows a gruesome, bloody mess as the creature shown is drawn killing someone or something.)
Anya: Giles made them for Chao-Ahn, and now she's locked herself in the bathroom. There's other girls upstairs, and they're starting to complain.
Giles: Those are flashcards. I-I made them to facilitate her training. Chao-Ahn never had a watcher. The language problem—
Willow: You showed her these?
Giles: I wanted her to understand the seriousness of her situation.
Dawn: Holy crap!
(Dawn holds up one of the pages labeled "Turok-Han" that shows the creature standing over a girl that's been ripped in half along her waistline, spilling a huge pool of blood everywhere.)
Giles: Perhaps I'll rethink the approach.
Willow: In the meanwhile, wanna help us get researchy? We're trying to invade Buffy's date's privacy.
Giles: Buffy has a date?
Anya: (rolls her eyes) Yes... Didn't you hear? Everybody has a date. Buffy has a date. Willow's been completely making out with this girl—
Kennedy: (stands, pouts) Hey!
Anya: Xander's out with some hardware-store-whore. It's Date Fest 2003. (sits)
Willow: Actually, Buffy's investigating Principal Wood. It's not a date.
Giles: Really.
Willow: Might be a date.
Giles: For God's sake! How can anyone think about their social life? We are about to fight the original primal evil. These girls are in mortal danger. Didn't you see the flashcards? This isn't right.
(From behind the French doors, Andrew is stealthily watching them talk in the dining room.)
(Alley)
(Buffy and Principal Wood are walking down a dark alley side by side. Buffy looks around, uncomfortable.)
Buffy: This isn't right. (stops walking)
Principal Wood: I know it doesn't look promising, but I swear this place is great. It's the best kept secret in town. It's just right down this way. (they start walking again)
Buffy: Well, it is one of the nicer dark alleys.
Principal Wood: I promise you, it's just a little bit further.
Buffy: OK...
(As they walk down the alley, a vampire steps out in front of them. Then two more step up behind them, growling. Buffy starts fighting them immediately. There's a horde of them now. She manages to punch them and kick them away from her one by one until she has opportunity to get her stake out of her purse. She stakes one, then another, then another.)
Buffy: (to the Principal) You set me up, you son of a…(She sees that Principal Wood is also fighting off vampires. Without her help. She gets confused.) What?
(Principal Wood overpowers one of the vampires and stakes him. Then knocks the last one to the ground, staking him too. He flips the stake in his hand, then returns it to his belt holster as he walks back to Buffy.)
Principal Wood: (offers her a hand to help her stand) I guess we should talk. The restaurant's right there. (gestures to the door)
(Buffy walks with him into the restaurant.)
(Coffee Shop)
(Lissa and Xander are sitting at a table talking.)
Lissa: And you still have to see her, like, everyday?
Xander: Yeah, but I guess that's good.
Lissa: How is that a good thing? I mean, it seems like she never let you forget what happened.
Xander: Well, it's on her mind a lot right now because our anniversary's coming up—I mean, it would have been our anniversary. And maybe I shouldn't be allowed to forget it. I did—it was a bad thing, and it hurt her real bad.
Lissa: And if you'd gone ahead and married her, even though you had doubts, that would've been better?
Xander: I guess not.
Lissa: Sounds to me like, in the long run, you're both better off. (flirtatiously) I know it turned out good for me, and that's what really matters, right?
Xander: (laughs, nods, looks into her eyes) I should have taken you on a nicer date than this.
Lissa: (smiling sexily) Well, I can think of something fun to do.
(French Restaurant)
(Buffy and Principal Wood are sitting across from each other at a small table in a very elegant, romantic restaurant. Principal Wood is talking to the waitress, ordering from the menu.)
Principal Wood: (to waitress) Thank you.
Buffy: This place is nice. How the hell did you do that?
Principal Wood: (chuckles) I've had a little practice. Never took on two at once before, but I have taken out a vamp here or there. And some demons.
Buffy: So, you're freelance?
Principal Wood: Hm... freelance— (nods) I guess that's a good way to put it.
Buffy: And you know who I am?
Principal Wood: You're the slayer.
Buffy: Right. OK, um, so I'm guessing that you don't work in an office 15 feet above the hell mouth because you enjoy educational administration?
Principal Wood: Well, I actually do enjoy the work, but yeah. Yeah, you're right. I maneuvered myself into that school, that office—just like I maneuvered you there. The hell mouth draws the bad things in close, and now we're headed for something big, Buffy. Really big, and I need to be here when it happens. I want to help.
Buffy: So, y-you didn't hire me for my counseling skills?
Principal Wood: (laughs heartily, then sees Buffy's hurt look; then straight-faced) They're valuable too.
Buffy: Wh-why didn't you tell me about you?
Principal Wood: I wasn't sure about things yet.
Buffy: Y-you didn't think you could trust me?
Principal Wood: No, no. No, I wasn't sure I was ready yet—ready to jump into this fight.
Buffy: And now you are?
Principal Wood: Well, now the fight is starting—or starting to start—and I don't have time to worry anymore. I have to do something.
Buffy: So, you knew who I was before you even came here.
Principal Wood: Yes.
Buffy: How? How do you know about slayers?
Principal Wood: Right. (nods) OK. See, when I was a little boy, my mother was one. The one, actually—the slayer.
Buffy: Your mother— (sighs) Wow, I didn't know that any slayers had children.
Principal Wood: Well, I don't know of any others. She was killed when I was four. I still remember her, but it's a little...fuzzy? You know?
Buffy: (nervously) Um, something got her... a demon—?
Principal Wood: A vampire. Oh, man, I went through this whole "avenging son" phase in my twenties, but I never found him. So, now I just dust as many of them as I can find. I figure, eventually I'll get him. That's probably why we got jumped outside. I'm not very popular with the bumpy-foreheaded crowd, and I bet you aren't either.
Buffy: (shakes head) No. Not most of them. Um, so, do you have any slayer powers? (giggles) I'm sorry, I—I'm just so floored. I-I have no idea what to ask.
Principal Wood: No, I don't have powers. No super-strength or mythic responsibilities. I'm just a guy with a few skills 'cause her watcher took me in and raised me.
Buffy: So, you decided to tell me?
Principal Wood: That's right.
Buffy: In a darkened, little romantic French restaurant?
Principal Wood: Um, yeah...(nods) Yeah, I'm not really sure how that happened, but yeah.
(Summers Residence – Living Room)
(Jonathan/First is standing in the middle of the room, talking to someone.)
Jonathan/First: Did you find the gun?
(He's talking to Andrew, who steps forward into view holding a brown paper bag folded over neatly at the top.)
Andrew: Yes, it was in Buffy's underwear drawer. She has nice things.
Jonathan/First: Show me.
Andrew: Well, I didn't take 'em, but there were thongs and regular underpants—
Jonathan/First: (annoyed) Show me the gun.
Andrew: Oh. (opens paper bag and holds it out toward Jonathan/First) Here. (Jonathan/First looks in the bag to see the gun at the bottom) Willow tried shooting Kennedy with that.
Jonathan/First: Great. There's gonna be panic and fleeing when you start firing, so you're gonna have to get them trapped someplace like the basement.
Andrew: And we're killing them because...?
Jonathan/First: Because they're the future of the slayer line. When they're gone, the line is gone.
Andrew: Uh-huh, uh-huh. Um, so why not have Spike do it? He's the one with the trigger.
Jonathan/First: It's not time for him yet. You can wait for the next time they're training in the basement, but don't rely on a locked door to keep them in. You'll need more.
Andrew: (nods) OK. (walks nervously toward the desk, leans against it) Say, um, do you have any weaknesses I should know about if I'm gonna work for you, like, uh, kryptonite or allergies?
Jonathan/First: What are you asking?
Andrew: Oh, nothing, um... (nervously plays with items on the desk) Are you—are you made out of the evil impulses of humans, so if everyone was unconscious at the same time, you would fade away?
Jonathan/First: You're asking a lot of questions.
Andrew: Yes, well, I, uh, because... 'cause I'm evil, and I want to do the best I can at that, so I want to... (clears throat) know stuff like when—when do we kill Buffy?
Jonathan/First: Are you wearing a wire?
(Dining Room)
(Willow's sitting at the table wearing headphones. Dawn, Kennedy and Amanda are sitting at the table with her. Suddenly Willow winces and takes the headphones off too quickly.)
Kennedy: Wh—what's going on?
(Willow has a panic-stricken look on her face.)
(Living Room)
(Andrew stares nervously at Jonathan/First.)
Jonathan/First: (walks toward Andrew) You think you can trick the First? You think you could squirm free? I hold you, Andrew. I made you do this... (Jonathan/First presses the palms of his hands against his shirt. They make a squishy sound. He pulls his hands away palm-up to show Andrew they are smeared with congealing blood.) Jonathan suffered. He was your friend, and he trusted you, and now he spends eternity in pain because of what you did.
Andrew: No. What's happening to you?
(Jonathan/First's body is deteriorating in front of Andrew's eyes as it progresses slowly through the stages of decay. The skin is glistening and turning a greenish-brown color.)
Jonathan/First: This is what you did to him. Took away everything he was and left him like this. You started down a road with that action. You have to keep going.
Andrew: Stop looking like Jonathan. You're not him. You're the First, and you're trying to get me to shoot innocent girls, but I won't do it. I'm good now. When the fight is over, I'm gonna pay for killing Jonathan.
Jonathan/First: (shakes his head) You're gonna pay for more than that. Do you know why? Because the biggest, baddest First Evil in the world's angry with you.
(Dining Room)
(Willow's still listening in on Andrew's conversation with the First, wearing her headphones again.)
Jonathan/First: (os) (echoy) You think this was smart?
Willow: (gasps, picks up her pen and paper) Wait. I'm hearing something.
Jonathan/First: (os) You think you can trick me, women?
Kennedy: (stands, looks around nervously, takes off Willow's headphones) It's not in the headphones. It's out here.
Jonathan/First: (os) You only hear what I want you to hear. You only see what I want you to see.
(Jonathan/First appears behind Amanda in a flash of light. His body is very decayed now, glistening and purplish with one side of his face rotting faster where the flesh is opened and the eye is white. Amanda screams and the other girls back away, frightened.)
Jonathan/First: So many dead girls. There'll be so many. (disappears in a flash of light)
(Sunnydale High – Basement)
(Xander's looking down at someone, talking, wearing no shirt.)
Xander: I knew it. (Pan out to show he's in the basement of Sunnydale High, tied to the wheel that Spike was hung on when he was drained to open the Seal of Danthazar. Lissa is standing near the pulley.) See? I knew it.
Lissa: Thanks for your help selecting the ropes. The one I picked wasn't strong enough.
Xander: Yeah, that would've been bad. Listen, is this because I'm friends with Buffy?
Lissa: Who's Buffy?
Xander: The slayer.
Lissa: You know the slayer?
Xander: (Lissa starts pulling on the rope, lifting the wheel Xander's attached to into the air) This can't just happen. It can't just keep happening that demon women find me attractive. There's gotta be a reason.
Lissa: You just seem like a nice guy, that's all. And I wanted to get to know you.
Xander: And kill me?
Lissa: Sure. (ties off the rope) Do the ropes hurt?
Xander: Yes.
Lissa: (smiles) Good.
(Summers Residence – Living Room)
(The gang's gathered in the living room for a post-First-encounter pow-wow. Dawn, Andrew, Giles, Anya, Willow, Kennedy, Amanda, and Spike are there.)
Willow: (with Kennedy sitting on the chair, leaning over Willow's shoulder) So, we're thinking it didn't go too well.
Dawn: (to Andrew, removing the tape that held the wire to his chest) You should've let me do this fast.
Andrew: (wincing) No, no, no. I hate that. Ow.
Spike: You tried to recall the ultimate evil? Why? In a complex effort to royally piss it off?
Kennedy: Guess we succeeded pretty good, huh?
Andrew: God, I never should have gone in wired. (whiny) Redemption is hard.
Giles: Getting back to Spike's question, why did you try to recall it?
Andrew: Ooh!
Willow: To study it. To see if we could figure something out from what it was saying. Because, guys, we have to face it, we know nothing about the First.
Andrew: Owie! Ow ow!
Anya: Well, we know not to record it. That's something.
Spike: Why did it appear to this one, then? (gestures to Andrew) I thought it was supposed to be pulling my strings.
Andrew: It said it wasn't time for you yet. (Dawn pulls off the last piece of tape) Ow. I'm frightened. And my chest hurts where the tape was. (sits down)
Dawn: It's OK, Andrew. You did good. You stood up to it. That's really amazing.
Andrew: Thank you. You're a peach.
Anya: Yeah. What did it want you to do, anyway?
Andrew: Shoot all the girls.
Dawn: (worried) Shoot girls?
Andrew: Not you, just the potentials.
Dawn: (relieved) Oh, well that's something, anyway. (covering for her relief, looks around, sounding concerned again) Something tragic.
Giles: This proves my point. This time is crucial. We should be circling the wagons instead of doing things like going out on dates when—when gunplay is imminent. Willow, call Buffy. Get her back here. We need to dispose of the gun and-and figure out our next move.
Spike: I'll go get her.
Willow: I'll call. (a cell-phone rings in the background)
Amanda: Bet that's her. Sometimes you're thinking about calling someone—
Willow: (looking at her phone) No, it's a text message. (reading) Oh, it's from Xander. It's one of our signals.
Amanda: Signals?
Willow: Yeah, the system we set up a while back. Like codes. Uh, this one's either "I just got lucky, don't call me for a while" or "my date's a demon who's trying to kill me."
Kennedy: You don't remember which?
Willow: It was a long time ago.
Dawn: Well, if we play the percentages...
Giles: Something's eating Xander's head.
Anya: Say, that's gratifying.
Andrew: Buffy will know what to do.
Spike: I'll go get her. (starts to go)
Willow: That's ok. (Spike sighs) We don't even know where she went. (A cell phone rings in the background, zoom in on Buffy's cell phone that says "Willow Calling." Willow picks up Buffy's phone from the table beside her.) That's not good.
Spike: I'll go get Buffy. I can probably still track her scent. She'll be worried about the boy. (walks out the door)
(French Restaurant)
(Buffy and Principal Wood are on the dessert course now. Buffy's eating something that gives her great delight.)
Buffy: Oh, my God! Mmm. Oh, my God. That might be the best thing I've ever had in my mouth.
Principal Wood: Isn't it good? They soak the pears in brandy. Here, you need a bite with sauce. (he feeds a bite to Buffy)
Buffy: (looks up while being hand-fed by the Principal, sees Spike) Mm. What are you doing here?
Principal Wood: (to Buffy) Is there a problem?
Spike: It's Xander.
(Buffy's expression melts into one of worry.)
(Sunnydale High – Basement)
(Xander's suspended from the ceiling, tied to a wheel. Lissa's standing below him.)
Xander: Look, I know what happens if that seal down there gets all excited. I don't think you understand what you're getting yourself into.
Lissa: The seal opens, and a vicious feral vampire creature comes out.
Xander: Well, then you do understand. But, uh, what makes you think that's, like, a good idea?
Lissa: The end is coming. The final fight, and everyone is hearing the drumbeat. It's telling us to pick our partners, align ourselves with the good or the evil.
(Lissa reaches behind her to grab a long, thin knife. When she turns back to face Xander, her eyes have changed to a yellow lizard-eyed look. She stabs Xander in the belly.)
Xander: Aaah! (blood flows from his wound down the knife onto the seal below)
Lissa: Couldn't have done it without you, Xander. Thanks for the great date.
(Principal Wood’s Car)
(Principal Wood is driving the car, with Buffy as passenger and Spike in the back seat. Buffy's very tense and uncomfortable looking, and Spike's crouched down in the corner of the back seat.)
Buffy: You sure he's in the high school?
Spike: Willow did a locator spell. Usual stuff.
Principal Wood: I'm not surprised. That school's at the center of everything.
Buffy: (sighs) How much longer 'til we get there?
Principal Wood: Ten minutes. (Principal Wood watches the rear view mirror suspiciously.) So, how do you two know each other?
Buffy: (answering too fast) He works with me. Uh, you know, in the struggle against evil.
Principal Wood: Mm. Cool.
(Sunnydale High – Basement)
(Buffy bursts into the room where Xander's strung up.)
Buffy: Xander!
(Buffy sees Xander hanging from the ceiling, but runs toward Lissa first, punching her and disarming her by knocking the knife from her hand.)
Xander: Buffy!
(Buffy and Lissa are fighting when Spike enters the room. Lissa starts whaling on Spike. She kicks Buffy away, knocking her to the ground. She pushes Spike down and starts strangling him, bringing forth Spike's vampire facade. Principal Wood sees Spike's face change.)
Principal Wood: He's a vampire.
Xander: Oh, God! Hurry!
(Principal Wood stops staring at Spike and goes to aid Xander, cutting the ropes that hold his hands to the wheel, but the seal is already beginning to open. Across the room, Buffy knocks Lissa off of Spike. A Turok-Han is reaching out of the seal as it opens, but Principal Wood escapes its grasp as he finally gets Xander down from the wheel. The seal slams shut, cutting off the arm of the Turok-Han that was reaching out. Principal Wood sets Xander down against a wall. Buffy and Lissa are still fighting, struggling over possession of a sword. Lissa knocks Buffy across the room, but Buffy holds on to the sword. Spike engages in fighting Lissa, but he's getting his butt kicked. Buffy pulls Lissa away from Spike and cuts off Lissa's head with the sword. As her head is separated from her body, Lissa's true form is revealed as a gruesome pinkish creature with hairy shoulders and stitches all over its head and nasty black shark teeth on its lipless jaws.)
Buffy: (to Spike) Hey.
(Buffy goes to Spike's side to make sure he's all right. She holds Spike's hand, but sees Principal Wood staring at them as she comforts him. She stands and goes to Xander. Principal Wood and Spike follow.)
Principal Wood: I think your friend's gonna be OK.
Buffy: Hey, Xand. I'm here.
Xander: (grimacing) So, how's your date going?
(Buffy looks at Principal Wood, who's staring at Spike. Spike glances from Buffy to Wood.)
(Summers Residence – Living Room)
(Dawn's staring out the front door. Anya's pacing. Willow and Andrew are sitting on the couch.)
Anya: Where are they? It's after 2. I can't believe Buffy hasn't brought him home yet. His slut ate him up.
Willow: His slut didn't eat him up. And besides, I thought you were all angry at him.
Anya: My feelings are changeable but intense.
Andrew: I understand your fear, Anya. I know fear myself 'cause, you know, I, um, I enraged that primal force.
Giles: (walks into the room, holding a glass of milk) They're not back yet?
Anya: (to Giles) I'm worried. I-I think we should go find them. Xander could be injured or trapped or eaten up.
Giles: (looks at his watch) It is late. Perhaps a little reconnaissance might be helpful.
(Chao-Ahn comes downstairs, worried, wearing a red silk robe.)
Chao-Ahn: (subtitle) Why is everyone up? Are the flashcard monsters attacking?
Giles: (to the others) She says she can't sleep. (to Chao-Ahn) Um, I made myself some warm milk. You can have it.
Chao-Ahn: (subtitle) You're trying to kill me!
(Chao-Ahn walks back upstairs.)
Giles: She's shy.
Dawn: (looking out the front door) They're back! Oh, here they come.
(Foyer)
Anya: (goes to front door) Xander all right?
Dawn: Looks OK.
Anya: Damn him!
(Buffy leads Xander into the house. He's got his shirt wrapped around his waist as a surrogate bandage. Spike follows them into the house.)
Willow: What happened?
Xander: What do you think happened? Another demon woman was attracted to me. (Anya rolls her eyes.) I'm going gay. I've decided I'm turning gay. Willow, gay me up. Come on, let's gay.
Willow: (softly, a little embarrassed) What?
Xander: You heard me. Just tell me what to do. I'm mentally undressing Scott Bakula right now. That's a start, isn't it?
Andrew: (wistfully) Captain Archer... (nods)
Xander: Come on, let's get this gay show on the gay road. Help me out here.
Buffy: (smiles) What if you just start attracting male demons?
Dawn: (giggles) Clem always liked you.
Anya: (pouting) It would serve you right.
Giles: Children, enough.
Xander: I'd need some stylish new clothes.
Giles: Enough! Have you learned nothing from tonight's assorted chaos? There isn't time for fun and games and quips about orientation. (holds up flashcards) These—these aren't a joke. (flips through the cards) This—this happens. Girls are going to die. We may die. It's time to get serious. (walks out of the room)
(Living Room)
(Buffy's sitting on the couch alone in the living room. Spike walks in and sits next to her.)
Spike: Did anybody tell you about what happened around here tonight?
Buffy: Willow did. The First is back in the mix.
Spike: It, uh, it talked to the little boy. Said it wasn't time for me yet. I should move out. Leave town before it is time for me.
Buffy: No, you have to stay.
Spike: You've got another demon fighter now.
Buffy: That's not why I need you here.
Spike: Is that right? Why's that then?
Buffy: 'Cause I'm not ready for you to not be here.
Spike: (looks at her a moment) An
d the Principal? How's he fit in? (Buffy looks at him a moment, then Spike looks away)
(Principal Wood’s Apartment – Bathroom)
(Principal wood is bent over the sink, rinsing out his mouth as he finishes brushing his teeth. He stands upright to look in the mirror, only to see a black woman with a 1970's afro hairstyle standing behind him smiling.)
Woman: You look good.
Principal Wood: You're not my mother.
Nikki/First: I give you a compliment, and you don't say thank you? Did I raise you that way?
Principal Wood: You didn't raise me at all.
Nikki/First: Well, I was dead.
(Principal Wood turns to face her, then walks straight through her. At the door to the bathroom, he stops and turns to face her again.)
Principal Wood: (crosses his arms) So, you're the First. Why are you here? Why now?
Nikki/First: 'Cause you've been coming up in the world—taking the demons out. It makes a mother proud.
Principal Wood: Yeah? (steps forward) Well, think how pleased she'll be when I help take you out. Until it's time for that, I've got no use for you. (turns to walk away)
Nikki/First: Would you like to know who killed me? (Principal Wood stops in his tracks.) I know you went looking for him.
Principal Wood: (turns to face her) You don't know anything.
Nikki/First: Is that right? Well, you can check it out after I tell you. Check the timing. Re-read what the witnesses said, and the people in the subway station—
Principal Wood: Who is it?
Nikki/First: You met him. You know him. You fought at his side.
Principal Wood: Spike.
Nikki/First: (smiles) Now, what do you say?
Principal Wood: (looks down) Thank you.
Season Seven Guide
