I Was Made To Love You

(The Magic Box – Workout Room)
(Buffy is punching something. Giles is in the background, sitting and watching.)
Buffy: (punches) Spike! (more punches) Spike wants me, how obscene is that?
Giles: Well, it is very strange. I can't imagine what he's thinking. (stands) Uh, not, not that you're not, uh, attractive...
Buffy: (stops punching) I feel gross, you know, like, like, dirty.
(She resumes punching. We see part of the thing she's punching, which looks like a punching bag.)
Giles: That's ridiculous, you can't be responsible for what Spike thinks or, feels.
Buffy: (stops punching) Well, aren't I responsible? I mean, something about me had to make him feel that, right? Something that made him say, "woof, that's the one for me!"
(She resumes punching, very violently, and finishes by kneeing the target sharply.)
Giles: Buffy, I think you should perhaps calm down.
Xander: Me too.
(We see that Buffy's target is actually Xander in a huge padded suit and fencing mask. It forces his arms to stand straight out at his sides, basically immobile. Giles and Buffy look at him with concern.)
Buffy: Oh! Puffy Xander, uh, I'm sorry, I got ... guess I got carried away. (removes the mask, gives it to Giles) Are you okay?
Xander: I'm alive. I can tell 'cause of the pain.
Buffy: Do you wanna sit down?
Xander: I'm not that bendy. (points at the wall) I could lean.
Giles: I'll get some ice.
(Buffy helps Puffy Xander waddle over to the wall and lean against it.)
Buffy: Here.
Xander: (loud sigh)
Buffy: Comfy?
Xander: Oh, yeah. This leaning? This is the stuff.
Buffy: That's my secret to attracting men. You know, it's simple really, you slap 'em around a bit, you torture 'em, you make their lives a living hell-
Xander: Buff...
Buffy:...and sure, the nice guys, they'll run away, but every now and then you'll meet a real prince of a guy like Spike who gets off on it.
Xander: Buffy ... (jerks his head sideways) Stand me up. (Buffy helps him stand up straight. He loses his balance and slants toward Buffy, who puts her hands on the puffy stomach to stabilize him.) The problem is not you. Don't do this to yourself, please.
Buffy: It's just ... I just wanna know that there's gonna be another good one. One that I won't chase away.
Xander: There will be. Promise. He's out there, he could come along any minute.
Buffy: Yeah, and the minute after that I can terrify him with my alarming strength and remarkable self-involvement.
Xander: What? I don't think you're like that.
Buffy: Maybe I could change. You know, I could, I could work harder. I could spend less time slaying, I could laugh at his jokes, I mean, men like that, right, the, the joke-laughing-at?
Xander: Or maybe you could just be Buffy, he'll see your amazing heart, and he'll fall in love with you. (Buffy looks touched.)
Buffy: Xander, that's ... aw!
(She puts her arms around Puffy Xander and rests her head on his big puffy chest.)
Xander: This is the day you choose to hug me? (shakes head, sighs) Buffy?
Buffy: Mm?
Xander: You ever think maybe the reason you haven't found a great relationship on the Hellmouth is ... because it's a Hellmouth? Seems to me it's a pretty terrible place to try to build anything.
(Buffy closes her eyes looking peaceful.)
Buffy: Mm.

(Main Street – Night)
(A car comes around a corner and stops by the sidewalk. The passenger door opens and a young woman (April) gets out, closes the door. She is wearing a very short, very tight pink flowered dress. She has long straight dark hair and a perpetual smile. She leans in to talk to the driver of the car.)
April: Thank you for picking me up. I'm very grateful for the ride.
Driver Guy: You sure you want to get out here? I mean, this place is kinda ... (looks around) what are you looking for in Sunnydale, anyway?
April: (looks around with a smile) True love.

(Summers Residence – Living Room – Day)
(Joyce is wearing a black evening gown with large flowers on it. She is spinning around. Buffy and Dawn sit on the sofa watching.)
Buffy: I might like it more than the others. Can you spin around again?
(Joyce spins again. Buffy smiles.)
Dawn: Ooh, I'm not sure. Once more.
(Joyce spins again, smiles at them.)
Buffy: Now could you go the other way?
(Joyce starts to spin, stops and looks at them.)
Joyce: You're messing with me!
(Dawn laughs.)
Buffy: We just wanted to see how many times we could get you to do it.
Dawn: Was that five, or four and a half?
Joyce: (holds out her arms) So is anyone gonna talk about my dress?
Dawn: I like it.
Joyce: You sure? I mean, it's not too mom-ish?
Dawn: Oh. That was why I liked it. (Joyce looks disappointed)
Buffy: You're both crazy. It's not mom-ish at all. (Joyce looks relieved) It's sexy. It screams, "Randy sex kitten, buy me one drink and I'll..." (pauses) Oh, wait, that's not really good either.
(Dawn shakes her head in agreement.)
Joyce: Oh god. What time is it?
Buffy: (checks her watch) 4:23. You have lots of time until seven. Vast acres of time in which you could plant crops. Now tell me about this Brian and what his intentions are.
Dawn: Maybe he's a gigolo. Was his shirt all shiny? (she and Buffy exchange an amused look)
Joyce: No! He works for a publishing house. He's a nice normal guy, okay?
Buffy: I think I've heard of those.
Joyce: He came to the gallery ... my first day back, when I was, you know, kinda shaky, starting over. And he asked a question about these antique cameos (sighs) and I was so lost, because ... Carol had been doing the ordering while I was sick. Well, it turned out that he didn't know anything about them either, so we had a lot to talk about.
Dawn: (smiling) So what's the plan for tonight?
Joyce: (smiling) Dinner and then a movie. (frowns) Or maybe it was ... a movie and then dinner. Which might be better, because ... you know, then we could talk about the movie. (Buffy nods) Or maybe a movie isn't a good idea at all, because, well, you know, you can't talk during, and, and then, you know, what's the point of any of it? (Dawn shakes her head) Oh, and about the restaurant. Do you think ... that it should be one with candles, and romantic music, or is that pushing it? Buffy, what do you think? Should I, you know, try to make things romantic, or ... sorta let him set the pace?
Buffy: Oh, no. (stands, walks across to other end of the sofa) Love Doctor Buffy is not in. I am not qualified to give dating advice. I've had exactly two boyfriends, and they both left. Really left. Left town left.
Joyce: Honey, you just had some bad luck.
Dawn: Well, you're going to that spring break party tonight. Maybe you'll find someone there.
Buffy: Mm-hmm. Or maybe Brian has a son, and Mom and I can go on some unspeakably awkward double dates.
Joyce: Oh god... (puts hands on her chest) Brian. What time is it now?
Buffy: (checks watch) 4:24.
Joyce: (nervous) You sure the dress is okay?
Dawn: Hmm. Spin again. Real fast this time.
(Joyce gives them an amused-scolding look.)

(UC Sunnydale)
(Tara and Anya walking along the campus.)
Tara: Willow's good at all that computer stuff, but me not so much. Do you really understand all that?
Anya: Oh. Well, at first it was confusing. Just the idea of computers was like, "whoa, I'm eleven hundred years old. I had trouble adjusting to the idea of Lutherans."
Tara: I go online sometimes, but ... everyone's spelling is really bad, and it's ... depressing.
Anya: But you have to try online trading, it's great! The secret is avoiding the tech companies everyone was jumping on, and, and going with the smaller firms that supply the basic components.
Tara: Uh-huh.
Anya: Anyway, I took the money from working for Giles, and I tripled it.
Tara: Tripled? Like, first money, then money money money?
Anya: Yes. I'm thinking about buying something very expensive. Maybe an antelope.
(April walks up to them with a big smile.)
April: Hi.
(Anya and Tara look at each other, then at April.)
Anya: Hi.
April: I'm looking for Warren. Do you know where Warren is? And if you do, could you tell me?
Tara: Um, I, I don't think we know a Warren. (Anya shakes her head)
April: Well, all righty, no harm in asking. Thanks! (She walks off with a smile. The others watch her go up to a guy sitting on a bench, reading the newspaper.) Hi, do you know Warren? I need to find him.
Guy: Uh, sorry.
(Tara and Anya resume walking.)
Tara: You, you can do all this stuff with a regular computer?
Anya: (smiling) I'll show you. You can also see the website I designed for the magic shop. Huge photo of me.
(They walk off. In the background we see April walking along in the other direction.)

(Dorm – Night)
(A party is going on. Music, decorations, lots of drinks, lots of people moving around, talking. We see Ben standing by the punch bowl. Pan across to Buffy and Xander dancing together.)
Xander: How you doing, having o' the fun?
Buffy: You know, I am. Dancing with you is way better than trying to hook up with some good-looking guy.
Xander: I think I liked it better when you were kicking me in my puffy groin.
(Pan further to find Tara, Willow, and Anya standing together.)
Anya: I let them do that. Dance together. That was me.
Tara: Very nice of you.
Willow: A good deed.
Anya: Yes. I'm expecting a big karmic reward any second now.
(The song ends, Buffy and Xander stop dancing. Xander bows.)
Buffy: Thank you.
(Xander walks off. Buffy spots Ben still standing by the punch bowl, talking to someone. The other person leaves and Ben looks around, looking uncomfortable. Buffy walks over while Ben is looking the other way. She leans against a nearby pillar and pretends not to see him. Ben looks around more, notices Buffy.)
Ben: Buffy.
Buffy: (pretends to notice him) Ben! Hey. I didn't even know you were here. (walks over to him) And again with the non-medical clothing.
Ben: Well, actually, these are orthopedic pants. (Buffy just looks at him) Man, that sounded so funny in my head.
(Buffy laughs a little, then gives a louder fake laugh. Ben looks surprised.)
Buffy: It's very, very funny. It's funny in my head too.
Ben: (nods) You having a good time?
Buffy: Yeah, I am. I was dancing earlier, and you know, my friends are here, so ... but, I mean, not that it's all about me. Are you enjoying yourself?
Ben: I am now.
Buffy: So, um ... do you ... maybe ... wanna dance?
Ben: (nervous) I'm not really good. You know, rhythm. (Buffy looks disappointed) Uh, sure. I'd love to. (Buffy smiles) Let me just dump this. (indicating his drink) I'll be right back.
Buffy: Okay.
(Ben walks off. Buffy stands by herself, looking nervous. Cut to across the room. Xander and Anya are investigating the munchies.)
Anya: Look at these tiny grain patties. They're woven. That's craftsmanship. (eating Chex Mix)
Xander: They aren't hand-woven, you know.
Anya: Then how?
Xander: Well, it's a, a machine, and it's ... it sorta .. it presses. (He gets distracted, looking across the room. Shot of April entering.) And there may be a mold of some sort ... who's that?
(Anya looks. April looks around the room.)
April: Warren?
(Shot of a guy in the crowd looking up nervously.)
Anya: Oh, that girl. Tara and I met her. (We see the nervous boy behind Anya and Xander. As Anya speaks, he quickly slips away.) She speaks with a strange evenness and selects her words a shade too precisely.
Xander: Well, some of us like that kind of thing in a girl.
(Anya smiles at him.)
April: (os) Warren?
(Cut to the nervous guy (Warren) moving quickly through the crowd, going over to another girl (Katrina) who's sitting down.)
Katrina: Hi, did you get me a drink?
Warren: We gotta go, she's gonna see me.
(He grabs Katrina's hand and pulls her up.)
Katrina: She who? What's up, Warren?
Warren: It doesn't matter. Come on.
(He pulls her away. Cut to April approaching random partygoers.)
April: Is Warren here?
(Willow walks past April and approaches Anya and Xander.)
Willow: I thought you were getting the crunchies. (taking some Chex Mix)
Anya: Xander got hypnotized by the strange girl. I am remaining calm, however.
(Shot of April looking through the crowd.)
Xander: Uh-uh, no, I'm, I'm right with you. You don't know what you're talking about. (quietly) Here she comes.
(April approaches them, still with her big smile.)
April: I heard that Warren was here. Is Warren here?
Xander: Um, Warren who?
April: He's ... Warren. And he's looking for me. He lost me. (She walks away. Tara approaches the other scoobies. April goes over to some other random people.) Is Warren here?
Tara: It's that girl again. Is she still looking for Warren? (the others nod) Weird, it's been like all day.
Willow: There's something strange about her. She talks funny.
Anya: Some men find that appealing.
(She smiles at Xander, who smiles back, although he's still occupied watching April. Shot of April talking to still more random people.)
April: Have you guys seen Warren?
(Cut back to the Scoobies.)
Tara: I just hope she finds him.
Xander: Somehow I don't think a girl that looks like that's gonna be lonely for too long.
Willow: Definitely not. (She grins and nods, then notices Tara, who frowns and folds her arms.) Oh, not me, I, I was just saying, a pretty girl like that, there's always someone lurking around, looking for some action.
(Tara looks mollified. Willow looks a little embarrassed. Cut to Buffy still waiting for Ben. Spike walks up next to her. She doesn't notice him. Spike smirks, looks her up and down, and just stands there until Buffy turns and notices him.)
Spike: Small world. (Buffy glares) Oh dear. If looks could stake. (Buffy continues glaring) You having fun, pet? You ... trolling for your next ex? (looks around) I gotta say, you can do better.
Buffy: I told you, I wa-
Spike: Thought I was gonna leave town? It's a free country. Free party. (reaches for some snacks on the table, turns back to Buffy with a smirk) If you want me to leave, you can put your hands on my hot, tight little body and make me.
(He eats a snack and smirks suggestively at Buffy. She looks disgusted.)
Buffy: Get away from me.
(Spike starts to say something, stops, nods and walks away, still smirking. Ben walks up to Buffy.)
Ben: Was that guy bothering you? Should I, um, offer to get inappropriately violent or something?
Buffy: (smiles) No.
Ben: (smiles) Good, 'cause, honestly, I don't wanna.
(Shot of Spike moving into the crowd, looking over at Buffy and Ben chatting.)
Buffy: So, are you ready to dance?
Ben: Um, first... (we see he's holding a small pink piece of paper)
Buffy: What's that?
Ben: Uh, yeah, my phone number. (We see Spike in the background watching) I was gonna try to subtly work it into the conversation, but it didn't pan out, and I thought I should try to give it to you before you see me dance. (He holds it out. Buffy takes it.) You know, in case you wanna get coffee.
Buffy: Thank you. Um, I, I just, I-I think you should know that I ... (sighs) I kind of have this bad history in which, you know, we go get coffee, and, well, it all ends with, with you leaving town, and you just got here and everything...
Ben: Apparently we'd be risking a tragic chain reaction, but ... I just really like ... coffee. I think coffee might be worth it. And I would like to get to know ... coffee better.
(Buffy smiles.)
Buffy: Then I'll call you.
(Cut to Spike looking annoyed, walking off. He comes upon April talking to another girl.)
April: Have you seen Warren?
Girl: No, sorry. (walks off)
Spike: And who are you, darlin'?
April: I'm April. (Spike looks over at Buffy talking to Ben. Buffy looks over at Spike, quickly looks back at Ben.) I'm looking for my fella.
Spike: Maybe you just found him.
April: (excited) Really? Where? (Spike grins, leans in and whispers in her ear. April looks angry.) Oh!
(She grabs Spike by the front of his shirt and lifts him over her head.)
Spike: Hey! Hey! Hey!
(Shot of Buffy and Ben looking over. Everyone in the area is staring at April and Spike.)
April: (still holding Spike over her head) That would be wrong. You are not my boyfriend!
(She throws him through a window, which shatters. Everyone stares. Shot of Buffy and Ben staring. April and all the other partygoers watch as Spike gets up, broken glass falling all around him. He stands outside the dorm and looks in through the now glassless window.)
Spike: Bloody hell! You threw me through a window! (Shot of April just looking at him.) What's that about?
(Shot of Buffy and Ben moving closer to the action.)
April: You do not make those suggestions to me. I have a boyfriend. Warren is my boyfriend.
Spike: You know what? My bleeding sympathies to Warren.
(Spike walks off. April turns away from the window. The onlookers move back a bit.)
April: No one but Warren can touch me.
(She begins to walk off. Buffy intercepts her.)
Buffy: Excuse me. Hi. Um, uh, maybe you and I could talk. You know, 'cause, throwing Spike through a window, (pauses, grins) well, that's really good... (stops smiling) um, but, you know, generally speaking-
April: Do you know my boyfriend?
Buffy: Okay. I think you need to take a second and stop looking for your boyfriend.
(April grabs Buffy by the upper arms and flings her backwards. She flies back several yards and lands on the floor with an expression of pain, grabbing her arm.)
April: (os) I have to find him. (She walks over to where Buffy is sitting up, clutching her arm in pain.) If I hurt you just now, I'm sorry. And I hope that your boyfriend will take good care of you.
(April walks off as Ben, Xander, Willow, Anya, and Tara rush over to Buffy. Buffy pouts sadly as she watches April leave.)

(Student Lounge)
(Buffy is pacing, still holding her arm. The Scoobies are sitting in various chairs.)
Buffy: Ow. I don't know about you guys, but I've had it with super-strong little women who aren't me.
Tara: Well, at least she didn't do too much damage.
Xander: Are you kidding? Double-glazed windows ain't cheap. And the jamb needs to be completely repaired. (pauses) Oh dear god, I'm the grownup who sees the world through my job. I'm like my uncle Dave the plumber. I must be shunned.
Willow: Okay.
Buffy: So, what do you guys think she is? I mean, this may sound nuts, but I kinda got the impression that she was a-
Tara: Robot.
(Everyone nods in complete agreement.)
Xander: Oh yeah, robot.
Buffy: Yeah, I was gonna say robot. What do you think she wants?
Tara: Warren, whoever that is.
Xander: It's gotta be the guy that built her.
Willow: It's an unusual name. There's hardly any except ... Warren Beatty and, you know, President Harding. It-it's probably not either of them.
Buffy: Will, can you track down this guy with only a first name?
Willow: (nods) Given enough time. I can get a list of the Sunnydale students named Warren tonight, but ... then we'll have to call them or go to their dorms, so we probably can't start narrowing it down till tomorrow.
(Buffy frowns.)
Anya: She could do a lot of damage by then.
Xander: To who, Spike? See how vigorously I don't care. (Buffy smiles) She was looking for this Warren, but it didn't sound like she wanted to hurt him. She said he's her boyfriend.
Willow: I agree. I'm not sure this is a code red. Hey, is there a code pink? We need more codes. (Tara smiles at her)
Buffy: Okay. We'll track down Warren tomorrow. Tonight I better go rescue Giles. He's been watching Dawn while my mom's out on her date, and I have a feeling there's only so much he can take.
Tara: Oh, Giles and Dawnie? I bet they ended up having a blast.

(Summers Residence)
(Giles and Buffy stand in the Summers foyer, by the open door.)
Giles: Dear god, Buffy, there's only so much I can take. We're going to have to change the system. A fourteen-year-old's too old to be babysat, and it's not fair on her.
Buffy: (nods, grins) What'd she make you do?
Giles: Um, well, we listened to aggressively cheerful music sung by people chosen for their ability to dance ... then we ate cookie dough and talked about boys.
Buffy: (laughs) I'm sorry. I'm very very sorry, but if it makes you feel any better, my "fun time Buffy party night" involved watching a robot throw Spike through a window, (Giles looks interested) so if you wanna trade... (pauses) No ... wait ... I wouldn't give that memory up for anything.
Giles: A robot? Sounds interesting.
Buffy: We're gonna work on it in the morning. I mean, unless you wanna stay for a while, and then you and I could-
(Joyce appears behind Giles, entering the house with a big smile.)
Joyce: Who wants to hear everything?
Buffy:...listen to my mom talk about boys.
Giles: (quickly) Right, must go. See you tomorrow. Bye Joyce. (leaves)
Joyce: Bye Rupert. (She closes the door behind Giles, turns and gives Buffy a big smile.) Gosh, I'd forgotten how much fun dating can be.
Buffy: (smiles) I don't know. I was standing right here. I didn't see Prince Charming. I didn't even see a goodnight kiss. (Joyce smiles, walks past Buffy to put her purse down.) It all looked pretty tame to me.
Joyce: Well, I suppose by your standards it could seem pretty ... (pauses) Oh dear.
Buffy: What?
Joyce: I left my bra in his car.
(Buffy looks shocked and horrified.)
Buffy: Mother!
Joyce: I'm joking.
Buffy: (sighs) Good god, that's horrible. Don't do that.
Joyce: I left it in the restaurant.
(Buffy puts her hands over her ears and starts running up the stairs.)
Buffy: No more! No more! No more!
Joyce: (yelling up the stairs at her) On the dessert cart!
Buffy: (OS, faintly) I can't hear you!

(House)
(April stands on the front porch of a house. The porch light comes on. A man opens the door, looking sleepy.)
Guy: Yeah? What?
April: (big smile) Hi! Does Warren live here?
Guy: What the hell - what are you doing, it's 3:30!
April: Yes, it is! Does Warren live here? (The guy gives her an angry look, slams the door in her face.) Okay then. Bye.
(She walks down the steps, across the lawn, and over to the next house. Knocks on that door.)

(The Magic Box – Day)
(Buffy and the others sit around the table. Giles stands next to it. Willow is using her computer.)
Giles: And you're certain she was a robot?
Buffy: Absolutely.
Tara: Well, she practically had "Genuine Molded Plastic" stamped on her ass. (Giles and Willow give her looks.) Just ... tryin' a little spicy talk. (Willow smiles)
Anya: She was looking for someone named Warren.
Buffy: Willow's already checked the Sunnydale enrollment.
Willow: And got nothin'. I found one Warren, but he moved out of the country a year ago. I'm checking nearby schools.
Xander: Whoever he is, he knows his stuff. That girl, well... (Buffy looks at him) that was a nice-lookin' girl.
(Tara gives Xander a dubious look.)
Anya: It's okay for him to say that, 'cause I know that he really loves me only.
(Xander leans over to take Anya's hand. Buffy watches this a little sadly.)
Giles: Is there something the rest of us could be doing?
Xander: What can we do?
Tara: Oh, do you have any books on robots?
Giles: Oh, yes, dozens. There's an enormous amount of research we should do before - no, I'm lying. I haven't got squat, I just like to see Xander squirm.
Xander: (fake laugh) Funny. Charming and funny.
Willow: Hey! I think I found him. A Warren Mears. He went to Sunnydale High with us for a semester, and then he went to the tech college over in Dutton. I've got a local address where his folks still live. (writing it down)
Tara: He's probably home for spring break.
Buffy: Well, I'll go talk to him. (takes the paper from Willow)
Giles: No no no no no, wait, we don't know what you're walking into. (looks behind him, notices a customer standing by the counter) Uh, we have no idea what his motive is for building this thing. (stands)
Tara: Um ... don't you think she's just... (makes insinuating face)
Willow: Yeah ... she's just sort of a... (makes the same face)
Xander: She's a sexbot. (to Giles) I mean, what guy doesn't dream about that? (Giles walks off to help the customer.) Beautiful girl with ... no other thought but to please you ... willing to do anything... (He looks up. Shots of the four girls staring at him. Xander laughs nervously.) Too many girls. I miss Oz. He'd get it. He wouldn't say anything, but... (clears throat) he'd get it.
(Willow turns her attention back to the computer.)
Anya: Why would anyone do that if they could have a real live person?
Willow: Maybe he couldn't. Find a real person.
Buffy: Oh, come on. The guy's just a big wedge of sleaze, don't make excuses for him.
(Giles finishes helping the customer and returns to sit with them.)
Willow: I'm not, I'm just saying, people get lonely, and maybe having someone around, even someone you made up ... maybe it's easier.
(Shot of Buffy looking pensive.)
Tara: But it's so weird. I mean, everyone wants a nice normal person to share with, but this guy, if he couldn't find that, I guess it's ... kinda sad.
(Shot of Buffy staring at her hands.)

(Workout Room)
(Buffy walks in, looking at the piece of paper with Ben's phone number on it. She sighs, picks up the phone, puts it down, picks it up again.)

(Glory’s Apartment)
(We see Glory from the chest up, bare shoulders. She's sweaty and gasping, breathing rhythmically. The phone begins to ring. Glory morphs into Ben. He's panting too. He picks up the phone.)
Ben: (breathlessly) Hello?

(The Magic Box – Workout Room)
Buffy: Hey. Ben, it, it's Buffy. Is this a bad time? I know it's kinda early.

(Glory’s Apartment)
Ben: No, I just ... I just got in is all. Night shift at the hospital. I'm glad you called.

(The Magic Box – Workout Room)
Buffy: Well, I found your number in my pocket, and, you know, figured I'd pick up the phone a couple of times, and then hang up, and then finally call, and see if maybe you wanted to get that cup of coffee, or...

(Glory’s Apartment)
(We still see Ben only from the shoulders up.)
Ben: Yeah, yes. Coffee would be great. ... Tomorrow night? Sure. Bye.
(He hangs up, smiling. He puts his hands on his hips, frowns, looks down. Long shot of Ben standing in the middle of the apartment wearing a short strapless red dress. He sighs.)
Ben: (annoyed) Fine.

(House – Day)
(Warren is stuffing piles of clothing into a bag. Katrina watches.)
Katrina: But we just got here. If you don't wanna be here, why didn't we just stay in Dutton? Or we could have gone to my sister's.
Warren: (walks around the room gathering up more stuff) Katrina, I don't wanna hear about your sister's place again. Pack your stuff now.
Katrina: Why the rush? It's real early. Are we even gonna say goodbye to your mom?
Warren: (packing) Uh, you can call her.
Katrina: Warren. Is something going on you don't want me to see?
Warren: Katrina, um, if you don't wanna pack, that's fine. We can buy new stuff. Now let's just go!
(He grabs the bag and Katrina's hand, and leads her to the door. Warren opens the door to discover Buffy, standing on the step with her fist upraised to knock. She frowns in surprise.)
Buffy: (to Warren) I have to talk to you.
Katrina: Who's this?
Warren: (to Buffy) Is this about her?
Buffy: Yes.
Katrina: Her who? Warren, something's going on here. Strange girls...
Warren: Katrina, please be quiet, okay, this is important. Wait in the kitchen.
Katrina: And I'm not important? Warren, just tell her to go away.
Warren: (looks at Buffy) I can't.
Katrina: You're keeping secrets from me. Other girls, and who knows what else?
Warren: Trina, shut up.
Katrina: That's it. Forget it, Warren. I'm gone.
(She walks out past Buffy and away.)
Warren: No, Katrina! Ahhh....
(Buffy shrugs, walks inside.)
Buffy: My name is Buffy Summers. We were at Sunnydale High together. Do you know who I am?
Warren: Yes, I know. Um, April, did she hurt someone?
Buffy: Not yet. (thinks) Well, no one that matters.
Warren: She's looking for me. You know, uh, she followed me here.
Buffy: Okay, kind of figured that out.
Warren: No, no, there's more. Uh, there's something you need to know about her.
Buffy: I know.
Warren: No, wait, this is important.
Buffy: Believe me, I, I worked it out.
Warren: No, this is something, uh, that you can't possibly know.
(Buffy folds her arms and nods to him to continue. Zoom in dramatically on Warren taking a deep breath.)
Warren: She's a robot.
(Buffy looks at him as if expecting more.)
Buffy: Uh-huh.

(The Magic Box)
(Willow, Dawn, Tara, and Xander are walking from the back of the store toward the front.)
Dawn: A robot? Really? Was it Ted? 'Cause I always said there could have been more than one of him.
Willow: Nope, whole new robot. This one was a girl.
Xander: Buffy's busy tracking down the guy that made her, (puts hand on the doorknob) so I'll drop you off at school, and if she's not finished, then-
Spike: (os) Coming through! Coming through.
(As Xander opens the door, Spike runs in, holding a blanket over himself. The blanket is on fire. The others jump back. We see Giles and Anya in the background. Spike drops the blanket on the floor and stomps out the fire.)
Spike: Fire! Fire! (The others stare at him. Giles comes forward. We see Anya in the background. We can see that Spike still has a bunch of small cuts on his face and neck from being thrown through the window.) Hello, all. What's going on then?
Giles: Spike, you're not welcome here.
Willow: Yeah, and by the way, we're working on a way to de-invite you from here. (Spike looks surprised.) Even if it is a public place.
Xander: Nah, forget it. Letting him in is good, 'cause then we get to toss him out.
Anya: Ooh, can we throw him out the window like the robot did? 'Cause that was neat.
Spike: Robot? That's what she was? (scoffs) Knew something wasn't right. (looks over at Dawn, who's standing behind Tara) Hey. Someone's glad to see me, aren't you, little bit?
Dawn: Stay away from me.
Tara: I think you better go. (steps in front of Dawn and folds her arms)
Spike: Okay, now, I was afraid of this. Misrepresentations, misunderstandings, slurs and allegations. I don't know what Buffy told you, but the thing is, the Slayer and I worked together, side by side, to get rid of Dru. Who was up to no good. And I don't mind telling you-
Giles: (takes off his glasses, moves closer to Spike) Spike ... listen to me.
Spike: It's just ... I'm trying to explain. She might have said some things that sounded like I expressed some kind of feeling-
(Giles shoves Spike backward. He stumbles into a bookshelf. Giles walks slowly up to him, glaring angrily.)
Giles: (softly) We are not your friends. We are not your way to Buffy. (Spike stares at him) There is no way to Buffy. (He leans over, picks up the blanket and slams it into Spike's chest. He leans in close and looks Spike in the eye.) Clear out of here. And Spike, this thing ... get over it.
Spike: (small smile) I don't know what you mean.
Giles: Yes, you do. Move the hell on.
(The others just watch. Spike takes a deep breath as if he's going to say something. Giles gives him a steely glare. Spike puts the blanket over his head and exits.)

(Coffee Shop)
(April walks up to a group of four young men sitting at a table.)
April: I'm looking for my boyfriend Warren.
Coffee Guy 1: What?
April: He comes from here and I need him. But ... it's confusing, and I've already walked a really long way. I'm sure he's nearby.
Coffee Guy 1: Oh, Warren! You're looking for Warren?
April: Yes! Do you know him? Do you know where he is?
Coffee Guy 1: Man, let me think.
April: Please think.
Coffee Guy 1: Geez, this is too bad, you, you just missed him.
April: (pouts) Yes? Where did he go?
Coffee Guy 1: Warren? Uh, he headed out. (points) Uh, that way. Hurry, you might catch him.
April: (relieved sigh) Oh, thank you. I was getting very tired. Thank you.
(She hurries off. The guys watch her go, then look at Coffee Guy 1.)
Coffee Guy 2: Who's Warren?
Coffee Guy 1: Hell if I know.
(They all laugh.)

(Warren’s House)
Buffy: (vo) So you have girl troubles.
(Cut to inside. Buffy sits on the sofa while Warren paces.)
Buffy: They're not talking to you, you're not gettin' dates ... you start thinking, "hey, this isn't fair."
Warren: Yeah, I mean, I felt like I deserved to have someone. You know, I mean, everyone deserves to have someone.
Buffy: So naturally you turned to manufacturing.
Warren: Kinda.
Buffy: And how long did it take to build yourself that little toy?
Warren: Oh, no, she's not a toy. I mean, I know what you're thinking, but she's more than that.
Buffy: I'm sure she has many exciting labor-saving attachments.
Warren: No, I made her to love me.

(Street)
(April walks down the street, looking for Warren.)
Warren: (vo) I mean, she cares about what I care about, and she wants to be with me. She listens to me and supports me.

(Warren’s House)
Warren: I didn't make a toy. I made a girlfriend.
Buffy: A girlfriend. Are you saying ... are you in love with her?
Warren: I really thought I would be.

(Street)
(April walks down the street, still looking for Warren.)
Warren: (vo) I mean, she's perfect. I don't know, I ... I guess it was too easy. And predictable.

(Warren’s House)
Warren: You know, she got boring. (Buffy rolls her eyes) She was exactly what I wanted, and I didn't want her. (laughs crazily) I thought I was going crazy.
Buffy: Really? You?
Warren: Then something happened. (sits next to her) Katrina was in my engineering seminar, and she was really funny and cool. You know, she was always givin' me a hard time, real ... unpredictable. She builds these little model monorails that run with magnets, and ... (pauses, looks at Buffy) Anyway. (shrugs) I fell in love with Katrina.
Buffy: Swell. Romance and magnetic trains. But first you decided to take April out of the box...

(Street)
(April walks down the street, still looking for Warren.)
Buffy: (vo) ...play with her for five minutes, and then what? You got bored, decided to dump her, tell her to go away?

(Warren’s House)
Warren: Kinda.
Buffy: And she got mad. She didn't go, huh?
Warren: Okay, I didn't really dump her, as much as I, uh, went out, and, uh, didn't come back. (Buffy stares) I left her, I ... left her in my dorm room.
Buffy: (angry) You left her in your dorm room?!
Warren: Well, I figured I could just kinda get away until her batteries gave out. Which should have been days ago.
Buffy: Did you even tell her? I mean, did you even give her a chance to fix what was wrong?
Warren: I didn't need to fix anything. I mean, her batteries were supposed to run down. Really, they should be completely dead by now.
Buffy: So why aren't they?
Warren: I don't, I don't know. I mean, maybe ... uh, she must be recharging them somehow.
Buffy: Warren, this is important. Is she dangerous?
Warren: She's only programmed to be in love.
Buffy: Then she's dangerous. Do you have any idea how to find her?
Warren: Well, she's looking for me, so my guess is she's probably pretty close.

(Playground)
(Katrina is walking along quickly, approaching a children's playground. April intercepts her.)
April: Hi! (Katrina stares, then makes a disgusted noise and tries to walk around April. April moves to block her path.) Do you know where Warren is? I need to get to Warren.
Katrina: This is getting insane, how many of you are there?
April: There's only me. April.
Katrina: April. Fine. (angrily) Listen up, April. Warren is my boyfriend. Mine. And you others probably oughta figure that out. (April grabs Katrina by the upper arm.) Ow. Ow! Let go! (struggles but April holds on)
April: Don't go. You have to stay and tell the truth. (She pulls Katrina toward her, turns her around and wraps her arms around Katrina, pinning her arms to her sides. April locks her hands together over Katrina's stomach and squeezes. Katrina gasps for air.) You're lying. He cannot be your boyfriend. Say that he's my boyfriend.
Katrina: (gasping) I can't ... I can't breathe. Let go!
April: You have to stop lying.
(Katrina continues gasping and choking.)

(Spike’s Crypt)
(A pile of photos of Buffy flies into view and lands in the box. Pan up to find Spike dismantling his Buffy Shrine, throwing the pictures into the box with angry motions. He grabs the blonde wig off of the mannequin and tosses it, along with Buffy's blue cashmere sweater, into the box.)
Spike: Bloody right, I'll move on.

(Street)
(Buffy and Warren are walking along the street.)
Warren: (yelling) April! April, are you there? (normal voice) If the batteries are still working and she hears my voice, then ... she'll answer.
Buffy: She's voice-activated?
Warren: Well, I made it so that if she heard me and she didn't answer, it causes this kind of feedback.
Buffy: Wait, if you call her and she doesn't answer, it hurts her? (he looks embarrassed) You're one creepy little dweeb, Warren.
Warren: (yells) April!
(Close shot of April's face.)
April: Warren!
(Buffy and Warren stop walking, look shocked.)
Warren: April.
(We see April standing there holding Katrina by the neck. Katrina's feet are not touching the ground and she appears to be unconscious.)
April: Where have you been? I couldn't find you, and this girl kept lying to me, and ... then she went to sleep.
(Buffy and Warren stare in dismay.)
Warren: April, what did you do?
April: (looks at Katrina, back at Warren) Please don't be angry, Warren. I'm trying very hard to make you happy.
Buffy: April. I want you to put the girl down.
April: Warren? What should I do?
(Warren hesitates.)
Buffy: (to Warren) Talk to her!
Warren: Pu-put her down!
April: Okay.
Warren: This is Buffy. Give Katrina to Buffy.
(April lowers Katrina. Buffy and Warren carry Katrina to a nearby bench and lie her down.)
April: Is she broken?
(Buffy feels Katrina's neck for a pulse.)
Buffy: She's alive.
(Warren looks relieved, moves toward April.)
April: Warren, honey, what's going on? Why did you go away? Is it a game?
Warren: No. No, this isn't a game.
April: Did I do something wrong? (Buffy watches, still sitting on the bench holding Katrina's head) I waited a long time and you never came back. A long time. I made you five sweaters.
Warren: That's great, you could go back and get them. So you could wait there, and-
Buffy: Warren! (he looks back at her) You have to tell her. And do it right.
(Warren looks nervously at April.)
April: What is she saying, Warren? What do you need to tell me?
Warren: (stammers) April, I made a mistake.
April: (laughs) You can't make mistakes.
Warren: No, I did.
(Cut to image of Warren from April's point of view. It's like a blue computer screen with Warren's face in a circle in the middle. Along the top left is a list labeled "Directives." The lists consists of "mk warren hpy.fld", "locate_warren.fld", and "protect warren.fld". Along the top right is another list under the heading "LOCATE WARREN" with a line connecting "locate_warren.fld" on the left to the list on the right. The right-hand list reads:
favorite_places.gfd
phne #'s.gfd
scent.gfd
questions.gfd
gps tracking.gfd
clues.gfd
*end of list*
At the lower left are the words "recognition module.")
(As Warren talks, underneath the heading "recognition module" appears the word "WARREN" and then "boyfriend." The "locate warren" list disappears and is replaced by a list connected to the "mk warren hpy" directive:
kissing_01.gfd
kissing_02.gfd
lstn sympthtc.gfd
gv_hm_prsnts.gfd
sex01.gfd
sex02.gfd
sex03.gfd
sex04.gfd
praise.gfd
neckrubs.gfd
fetish_01.gfd
fetish_02.gfd
fetish_03.gfd
positions01.gfd
positions02.gfd
positions03.gfd
positions04.gfd
positions05.gfd
positions06.gfd
The list of positions continues off the bottom of the screen. Meanwhile, underneath "Warren" and "Boyfriend" appear other identifiers:
really smart
handsome
best lover
snappy dresser
good dancer
All of this appears while Warren is talking.)
Warren: (in computer display) I thought that I made you everything that I wanted, but it wasn't really what I wanted.
(Cut to shot of April reacting. Cut back to the display.)
Warren: (in computer display) I'm sorry, bu-but it's over.
(Cut back to April smiling.)
April: But ... I can be whatever you want. I love you. I'll do whatever you want. Would you like a neckrub?
(She moves forward reaching for Warren's neck. He fends her off.)
Warren: No, hey, no. See, I - I know that you love me, but the truth is, I can't love you. (April frowns) I mean, it's not your fault, but... (Cut back to the computer display.) I don't love you.
(The display goes blurry for a moment, then reappears with the "locate warren" list. A red dot appears on the image of Warren's face, and at the bottom of the screen, in red letters, the words COMBAT MODE ENABLED. The display turns green and a shrill alarm begins to sound. The image of Warren's face looks fearful.)
Warren: I love her!
(He quickly moves out of the way and the image focuses on Buffy behind him, sitting on the bench. The alarm continues. The red dot is now centered on Buffy's chest. Cut to April. She growls.)
Buffy: She growls? You made her so she growls?
Warren: Well...
(April grabs Buffy and flings her away. She lands on some grass, gets up as April approaches. April goes over to a see-saw and lifts one end of it. She brings her arm down on the middle of the board so it snaps in half. Buffy looks alarmed. April swings the piece of wood at Buffy, who grabs it. They grapple. Buffy kicks April in the stomach and she stumbles back, grabbing the bench to steady herself. We see Katrina still lying on the bench and Warren in the background. Buffy swings the piece of wood but April gets out of the way and it slams down on the bench, awaking Katrina, who sits up. Buffy swings again and hits April in the stomach, tearing away her dress and exposing machinery in her stomach.)
Katrina: What's going on?
Warren: No, no, Trina- (Shot of April's inner workings sparking.) Get away.
(Katrina gets up and backs away from the fight, toward Warren. Buffy swings the wood at April again and April grabs it, pulls it out of Buffy's hands, tosses it away and punches Buffy. Buffy flies backward and lands on her back, turns it into a backflip and gets up. She ducks a punch and lands another one on April.)
Katrina: (clutching her throat) What is ... what ... that's a robot! (sound of fighting continues)
Warren: (watching the fight) She wasn't just for sex.
Katrina: Is that ... is that your ex-girlfriend?
Warren: (looks at her) I...
Katrina: No, get the hell away from me!
(She starts to run off. Warren runs after her.)
Warren: No, no, no, Trina, no, Trina, wait...
(Buffy and April continue exchanging punches and head-butts. Buffy kicks April, who falls down in the sand next to a swing set. Buffy grabs the chains holding a swing up and uses them to hold her up while she kicks April in the face, then hits her with the swing itself. April grabs Buffy by the throat and lifts her off the ground as Buffy struggles and gasps for air.)
April: You took my man. I'm going to kill you. I'm going to ... (pauses) I can't ... can't crush! So ... tired. (She lets go of Buffy, who coughs and gasps as April stares at her own hand.) Warren? Where are you? What's happening to me?
(Her hand slowly drops to her side. There's a sound like machinery powering down. Buffy stares.)

(Time Lapse)
(Pan across the playground to find Buffy and April sitting on the swings side by side. April is leaning against the chain as it's the only thing holding her up.)
Buffy: Can you cry? Sometimes I feel better when I cry. But ... there might be rust issues.
April: Crying is blackmail. Good girlfriends don't cry.
Buffy: Oh.
April: I rechecked everything. I did everything I was supposed to do. I was a good girlfriend.
Buffy: I'm sure you were.
April: I'm only supposed to love him. If I can't do that, what am I for? What do I exist for?
Buffy: I don't know. (shakes head) It isn't fair. He wasn't fair to you.
(April looks around, moving only her eyes.)
April: It's getting dark. (Buffy looks around too. It looks as sunny as ever.) It's so early to be dark.
Buffy: (softly) Yeah.
April: What if he comes back and he can't find me in the dark?
Buffy: I'm here. I'll make sure that he finds you.
April: (smiles) Maybe this is a girlfriend test. If I wait here patiently this time, he'll come back.
Buffy: I'm sure he will. And he'll ... he'll tell you how sorry he is. (pauses) You know, he told me ... how proud he was of you and ... how impressed he was with how much you loved him and how you tried to help him. (April smiles happily) He didn't mean to hurt you.
April: He's going to take me home, and things will be right again.
Buffy: (nods) It'll be fine.
April: (still smiling) When things are sad ... you just have to be patient. (Her speech begins to slow) Because ... because every ... cloud has a silver lining. And ... when life ... gives you lemons ... make ... lemonade.
Buffy: Clouds and lemonade, huh?
April: Yes. And ... and ... (her voice gets deeper like a tape running too slow) things are ... always ... darkest ... before....
(She stops, frozen with a small smile on her face. Her eyes stay open. Buffy looks at her with a frown, then looks down pensively. The camera pulls up and out to a wide aerial shot as Buffy turns away, then turns back, still sitting on the swing next to April.)

(UC Sunnydale – Dorm)
(Xander is fixing the window in the dorm, wearing a toolbelt. He pushes some small chips of wood underneath the bottom of the new window.)
Xander: See, you construct the wood jamb and frame the glass into it, and that's what you set into the opening.
(We see Buffy sitting nearby, watching.)
Buffy: Yeah?
Xander: One of the cool things about that, you see is, uh, the jamb can be shimmed to be square, even if the opening isn't.
Buffy: Shimmed? Is that even a real word? Do you have any idea what you're talking about?
Xander: Yeah, I do. (smiles) Scary, isn't it? I think I've actually turned into someone you want around after a crazed robot attack.
Buffy: And if you ever start your own business, you have your slogan right there. (pauses, looks thoughtful) And she wasn't crazed.
Xander: (skeptical) Yeah?)
Buffy: She devoted everything to making this one person happy. And then it was like, with him gone, there was just ... no reason for her to exist any more.
Xander: Robots are the strangest people.
Buffy: No ... people are the strangest people. (she looks down as Xander continues working) I mean, look at me obsessing about being with someone. It's like ... I don't need a guy right now. I need me. I need to get comfortable being alone with Buffy.
Xander: Well, I'll say this, she's a pretty cool person to be alone with.
Buffy: (smiles) Thank you.
(Xander turns back to the window again. Buffy picks up the piece of paper with Ben's phone number on it, looks at it, bites her lip.)

(Later)
(Pan across Xander still working on the window. Pan over to Buffy talking into a pay phone.)
Buffy: Hi, it's Buffy. Um, I hope this is your machine, there, there wasn't a message. Anyway, um, about coffee. I, um ... I just ... I don't think this is the best time for me to be ... drinking...

(Glory’s Apartment)
(We see the answering machine sitting there on the table.)
Buffy: (on machine) ...coffee. Um, I'm sorry. And, um, bye.
(Pan up to Glory, wearing a sparkly gold dress, with her arms crossed over her chest, listening.)
Glory: What the hell?
(We see Jinx behind her.)
Jinx: If I may, your inconceivableness, it sounds to these humble ears like our Ben tried to make a date with the Slayer.
Glory: (confused) A date with the Slayer? No. No. (shakes her head firmly) No, no, no. He is planning something, he's working against me.
(Jinx shrugs. Glory frowns, looks from him to the answering machine and back again.)
Glory: (pouting) She turned us down?

(Warren’s House)
(Warren is talking on the cordless phone, moving around, packing.)
Warren: Trina, no, wait, listen, listen, I'm so sorry. I guess I asked- No, no, just give me a chance to explain, I ... Yes! No, but she - no, no, listen, listen, I'll do anything, just, no, no, don't hang up! (He sighs, goes to hang up the phone. Turns around and gasps in shock as he sees Spike standing behind him, holding the box full of Buffy Shrine stuff.) How, how'd you get in here?
Spike: Your mum let me in. (walks closer) I'm placing an order.
Warren: Oh, no, no, I'm not making any more girls.
Spike: Sure you are. (shoves the box into Warren's hands) Here's your specs. (Shot of the box full of Buffy photos and the Buffy wig. Warren stares at Spike.)You're gonna make her real good for me. (smiles)

(Summers Residence)
(Buffy walks in the front door.)
Buffy: (calling) Hey, Mom. (She turns, sees some flowers on the table beside the door.) Ooh. (She opens the card that came with the flowers. Shot of the card, which reads: "Thank you for a lovely evening. See you soon? Brian.") Still a couple of guys gettin' it right. (She turns to call up the stairs, putting down her jacket.) Hey. Flower-gettin' lady. Want me to pick Dawn up from school?
(In the background, on the living room sofa, we can see someone or something, but it's out of focus; the focus is on Buffy in the foreground. Buffy frowns, looks down the hall toward the kitchen.)
Buffy: Mom? (She turns and looks in the living room.) What are you doing?
(She walks into the living room, stops. Shot of Joyce lying on the sofa. Her eyes are open, staring sightlessly at the ceiling. One arm hangs loosely over the edge of the sofa. She does not move or blink.)
Buffy: (quieter) Mom? (even quieter) Mom? (very quietly) Mommy?

Blackout


Season Five Guide