Nightmares

Distribution: Anyone who wants it can have it.  Just lmk where you're taking it.
Classification: Angst
Rating: PG-13, for mentions of suicide

“Willow, I can’t believe you’re coming back to me,” Oz whispered joyfully.  He ran his hands over her back, holding her close to him.  Willow leaned in to his touch, reveling in the feel of him.

“Oz, how could I not?” she whispered back, running her fingers through his currently blond hair.  “I love you too much to let that little mistake with Xander ruin the best thing that’s ever happened to me.  I made a stupid move by giving in to him.  He just couldn’t let it go, y’know?”

“Oh, baby, just as long as you promise never to leave me again, I’ll forgive you anything,” Oz cried in relief.  He pressed his face into the top of her head, inhaling the scent of her hair.  “I’ve missed having you in my arms.”

“I’ve missed being in them,” Willow admitted shyly.  She looked deeply into his eyes.  “I’ll never give you any reason to doubt my love again.”

“Not even if Xander tells you that he truly loves you and wants you with him forever?” Oz queried, reluctant to hear the answer but knowing that it was important.

“Never!” she denied emphatically, shaking her head, the medium-length red tresses flying.  Willow held tightly to Oz, her words muffled by his New York Yoga T-shirt.  “Xander doesn’t mean anything to me.  He was. . .”  She trailed off as she searched for the word.  She remembered what he had called it the first time it happened.  “He was a fluke.”

“Are you sure?” Oz asked, doubtful.  “He’s been your whole life for eighteen years.  Can you honestly tell me he means nothing to you?”

“Honestly, Oz, he means less than nothing to me,” Willow reassured him firmly.  She shook her head.  “He’s my best friend.  No more.”

Oz smiled widely and swept her up in his arms, taking her upstairs.

The following day Willow and Oz met up at the school, melting into each other upon contact.  Xander caught sight of Willow from behind and rushed to meet her, but stopped short as he realized she was only half of a very glued-together twosome.

“Hey, Will,” he said awkwardly, running a hand through his hair.  “I guess I don’t have to ask if you decided who it’s going to be, huh?”

“No, Xander, you don’t have to ask,” Willow replied rudely.  Her hand found Oz’s and her fingers intertwined with his.  “Oz is the man I love.  You don’t care about me at all; I was just a way to amuse your free time.  Now, I want you to either take yourself back to “best friend” status or get out of my life forever!”

Xander stepped back, confused at the venomous tone of Willow’s voice.  Though he tried to hide them, tears were visibly shining in his eyes.  “Will,” he choked out, “I love you.  I thought you loved me too.”

“You thought wrong,” she retorted coldly.  Her eyes betrayed no hint of regret or guilt that her words caused him pain.  She turned around with Oz in tow and walked away without a backward glance.

Two days passed, and Willow didn’t see Xander.  She figured he was trying to avoid her and get in a little quality ditching time, since he wasn’t in class at all.  The third day she walked into the library and found Giles and Buffy sitting at the table, their eyes blank and unseeing.

“Buffy, Giles, what’s wrong?” she asked, concerned.

“Willow, it’s Xander,” Buffy cried, tears starting to build in her eyes.  She sniffed hard, but couldn’t hold them back.  As they spilled down her face, she added, “He committed suicide.  His mom found him with his wrists slit.  There was a note next to his pillow.”  She bit her lip at her admission; she knew the contents of the note would cause Willow great grief.

Willow absorbed the news, not really hearing it.  Her mind was in shock.  “What did it say?” she inquired softly.  She sat down and Buffy looked at her, reluctant to admit what it said.

“Will. . .”

“Buffy, what did it say?” Willow demanded to know.  Her face was starting to crumple as the meaning of Buffy’s words sank in.  Her Xander.  Dead.  By his own hands.

“It said that if you wouldn’t, couldn’t, love him, there was no reason for him to continue living,” Buffy revealed painfully.

Because of her.

Willow bolted upright in bed, gasping.   Tears flowed down her face.  “It’s just a dream, Willow, just a dream,” she reassured herself.  For further comfort, she floated a hand around the bed until it reached another.  She clenched it tightly, holding on for dear life.

Xander’s dark tousled head appeared from the depths of his pillow.  “Will, what’s wrong?” he asked sleepily.

“Nothing, Xand, nothing,” she replied softly.  Visions of a future with Oz ran through her head and she shuddered, instead focusing on the golden skin of Xander’s smooth body, curled up in bed beside her. “I just had a nightmare.”

The End