Unsung hero

Disclaimer: The song "Unsung Hero" is by Terri Clark, who is one of the best country singers out there.
Distribution: Anyone who wants it can have it.  Just lmk where you're taking it.
Classification: Friendship
Rating: PG-13 for language

I hum softly to myself while the radio belts out current country hits.  Occasionally I recognize a phrase and I’ll belt it out, too.  Usually out of tune.  It kind of suits my life, though, because I feel completely out of sync with everyone else around me.

The people I’ve known for years, the ones who supported me and befriended me and gave me a reason to wake up every day, they’ve all moved on.  It’s kind of depressing.  Willow and Buffy are at college and making the most of being two gorgeous campus coeds.  Oz is on tour, raking in the big bucks with his band’s half-assed “I’m just plucking strings” sound.  Giles has found himself a new job that allows him to work late morning to early afternoon, leaving his evenings free to hang out with the Slayer squad.  Angel and Cordy have gone to L.A. and managed to meet up.  Strangely enough, the two started working together and seem to get along pretty well.  I hear from Cordelia every so often, but Angel never attempts to contact us.  I guess any memory of Buffy is too painful for him.

And here I am.  Sitting on my ass with nothing to look forward to.  All my friends have moved on and left me behind.  I won’t attempt to hide the fact that I feel lost without them, especially without Wills around to make sure I don’t screw up.

It’s funny, all through high school I was the one who was so sure of myself, the one who just plunged ahead into everything, reckless and unthinking, and she was cautious and careful and thoughtful.  Now I’m the one who hesitates to take a step without checking to see if she’s beside me. . .  She never is.  But I keep thinking she should be there, and if I just wish hard enough, she will be.  She never is.

It’s hard.  She was always there for me, and I just kind of assumed she always would be.  Now if I call her, she’s busy, out with friends and going to poetry readings and taking in the campus lifestyle.  I don’t have anything now that she’s gone.  Not that I ever really “had” her, but she was there.  I knew she would be.  And then she went and became her own person instead of my best friend.  Which is a great thing to be, her own person, I mean.  Through three years of high school she let everyone around her act and make decisions and tell her what to do.  Now she’s strong enough to make them on her own and she doesn’t let others push her around.  I’m so proud of her.

But I miss the old her, too.  I wish that she was still the quiet, timid girl who looked to me to be her protector.  Even when Jesse was around, I was her hero.  It gave me an incredible feeling to know that someone looked up to me, that I was someone’s world.  In some ways, I think that’s what kept me blind to her feelings-and mine.  I didn’t want her to see that I could fail, that I could screw up and she couldn’t depend on me.  And then she came to depend on Oz, and then herself, and I lost her for good.

But most of all I miss the times when I was useful.  I was always good at being Xander the joker, Xander the clown, Xander, Willow’s best friend, but every once in a while I was important to everyone else.  I meant something.  My actions mattered.  I helped them protect the world.  In a way, it meant I could still protect her.  Now I’m just a lonely eighteen-year-old kid sitting in his parents’ basement, wondering if he’ll ever fit in again; wondering if he ever fit in at all.  Wondering how much he really helped, how much he really mattered to them.  It’s a depressing place to be.

I glance at the phone, wondering if I should call her.  Not that I’m likely to get a hold of her; she’s always off with all her new friends, the ones who see the real her and appreciate her like no one in high school-except our Inner Circle, did.  I give a mental shrug and figure there’s no harm in trying, so I pick up the phone and dial her dorm room.

“Buffy and Willow’s den of sin!” a chipper female voice chirps into the receiver.  I smile briefly, the grin slipping from my lips as quickly as it appears.

“Hey, Buffy,” I greet her.  “Would Willow happen to be around?”

“Xander?”  She says my name in surprise, and I feel a bit hurt.  “Um, I don’t know where Wills is.  Maybe you could try back some other time?”

“I’ve tried several times lately,” I argue, knowing it’s useless.  Buffy’s lost touch with me, too, and I doubt she’ll care that I can’t get in contact with Will.

“Well, I don’t know what to tell you,” she says distractedly.  “Obviously she’s busy.  I’ll try and tell her to call you, if I remember.”  She giggles abruptly and I hear a squeal.  “Danny!” she exclaims.  I hear a tiny scuffle and then a clunk, like she’s dropped the phone.  Then a scraping sound, then, “Gotta go, Xand, I’ll try and remember to give Wills your message.”  She hangs up and I’m left listening to dead air.

“Great,” I groan, glaring at the phone in frustration.  “Not like I wanted to talk to you, either, Buff.”  I toss the receiver into its cradle and head downstairs.  I lay down on my bed, and it doesn’t take long before I doze off, dreaming sweet things about Willow breaking up with Oz back during senior year when we got caught during the fluke.

It’s fairly dark when I wake up.  I check the clock and it reads 9:17.  “Well, there goes *my* day,” I groan, rolling over and sitting up.  I stretch and yawn and swing my legs off the bed.  I accidentally kick something off, and I bend to examine it.  A small paper package with my name in simple block letters lay nestled in the cocoon of blankets I’d left piled beside my bed.

Curious, I pick it up and gently shake it.  The action reveals nothing but a muffled scratch of something against the paper.  Quickly, I slit the sides of the paper, running my finger under the tape holding the sides together.  When it’s completely unwrapped I discover that I’m holding onto a cassette tape encased by a piece of paper and bound by a rubber band, and two other small white squares of paper.  One instructs me to read it first, the other to read it after I’ve listened to the tape.  Dying of curiosity, I open up the first note.  My heart swells as I immediately recognize Willow’s small script.

“Xander, I know we haven’t had a lot of time for each other lately.  I’ve been busy, and I’ve left you behind, and I don’t like it.  I want you to know that no matter how often I see you, how often I get to tell you what you mean to me, you’re always important.  You’re the most important person in my life.  I don’t want to lose you.  Listen to the tape now.  Love, Willow.”

Warmed by her sweet reassurance that she still needs me, I slip the cassette into my stereo and turn the volume up a little bit.  I immediately recognize strains of a country ballad, although I can’t name it off the top of my head.  Picking up the piece of paper that had been wrapped around the tape, I see that it’s a lyric sheet.  My chest tightens when I scan the words before the singer can sing them.  When I finish, I listen to the woman’s voice as it swells and sweetens over the notes.

“You sit in silence in the shadows
You don’t complain or criticize
And while the world may see me as a fool
They’re not looking through your eyes

No questions asked, you’re there when I need you
With a love that inspires me to be everything you deserve

Cause you’re my
Unsung hero
And I know it’s not easy
To walk in your shoes
Day after day
You continue to amaze me
Now I sing this song of love
For you

While others long to steal the spotlight
You work your magic quietly
Cause you’re not in it for the glory
The love you give comes naturally

I may not have much, but what I have I give to you
And this song that I sing is my gift
And I swear that I mean every word

Cause you’re my
Unsung hero
And I know it’s not easy
To walk in your shoes
Day after day
You continue to amaze me
Now I sing this song of love
For you”

The tears fall unchecked down my cheeks as I revel in the beautiful alto voice telling me that Willow loves me and sees me as more than just a screw-up.  I always knew it, but maybe I needed the reaffirmation more than I realized.  The pure emotion in the lyrics and the woman’s voice are moving, and it’s hard for me to realize that for the time being, it’s directed at me.  Remembering the second note, I pick it up and read through it.

“Okay, you’ve listened to the tape now.  (And if you haven’t-go listen to it before you read any further-no cheating, Xander!)  Okay, so now you’ve *really* listened to it, right?  Well, I’m just going to have to trust you.  Xander, you mean everything to me.  All those times you thought no one noticed, no one cared?  Well, I was there, and I noticed, and I cared.  You’re my unsung hero, Xand.  You don’t get the attention you deserve, and I love you all the more because you accept it.  You help us unconditionally, whether we praise you or ridicule you.  And that’s the most selfless thing I’ve ever seen anyone do.  You may think you don’t contribute Xander, but you do, in ways that you’ll never know.  But maybe now you’ll see that I notice, and I care.  And I love you, with all my heart.  Love, Willow.”

Smiling through my tears, I stand up and head for my door.  I know it’s late, but knowing Willow, she’s still on her computer.  I feel a slight resistance on the opposite side of the door, and when I turn the knob, it comes flying back at me, a small form crashing into my room.

“Willow!” I exclaim, helping her up.  She sheepishly, and nervously, grins at me.

“I wanted to be here,” she explains quietly.  I nod, never taking my eyes off of her.

“Thank you,” I tell her, not bothering to explain my meaning.  She knows.  With a tiny smile, she steps into the arms I open to her.  Wrapping them tightly around her, I hold her close and savor the feeling of having her in my arms.  It’s taken too long to get her there.

The End