I don't know anymore

Spoilers: Everything up to Grad 2. It's set in their thrid year of college, but none of season 4 has happned

Disclaimer: All that is Buffy belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Fox, and various other people and conglomerates that I'm sure to forget. And the song belongs to Savage Garden.

Feedback: always a nice thing

"Hello?"

"Uh, hi. Can I speak to Willow please?"

"This is she. Who is this?"

"It's me, Xander."

"Xander?!?"

"The one and only. Jeez, you sound so different."

"Yeah, a lot can change in three years. What can I do for you?"

"Just thought I'd give ya a call. Feel up to some company?"

"What?"

"I'd like to come and visit you for a while."

"I-"

"We can go sit on your back porch like old times and talk. Talk about anything you want to, it doesn't matter."

"Let's see. You want to come back to Sunnydale after leaving three years ago without saying goodbye? You're a brave and courageous man, Charlie Brown."

"I'll be courageous if you can pretend that you've forgiven me."

"I think that's a discussion better left for when you get here."

"If that's what you want."

"Oh, hold on, Xander. There's someone at the door."

"I know. It's me"

"Xander! Thanks so much for the notice!"

"I figured if I just kinda showed up on your doorstep the chance of you blindly throwing me to the curb would be lessened."

"Well, come on in."

"Wow, Wills, I gotta say. The whole college experience has definitely been good for you. You look beyond description. Matter of fact, I almost don't know who you are anymore, you look so different."

"Thanks. The same could be said for you. Where ever it is that you've been has obviously been good for you. You look better than you have in years."

"I was-"

"That's it. I've been polite for as long as I can possibly be. Where the hell have you been, and what was so blasted important that you had to leave WITHOUT SAYING GOODBYE?"

"I've been in Boston. I left so I could figure out some stuff."

"Well, that certainly cleared up all my questions."

"Can we please just sit down and talk. There are things to say."

"Damnit, Xander. Don't try to play the quote game with me when I'm furious at you. I get distracted. Come, we can sit on the porch and drink tea."

"I see that Giles has definitely rubbed off on you."

"Yeah, you'd be surprised at how much. Is chamomile tea alright with you?"

"It's fine."

"So, Boston, huh? Why there?"

"By the time Uncle Rory's old heap of junk finally made it to the East Coast, it was spring. I threw a dart at a map and ended up in Boston. Springtime there is unbelievable. It almost makes up for the winters."

"Oh, it snows there a lot, doesn't it?"

"The snow was more lonely than cold."

"So what have you been doing for the past three years?"

"I got a diploma, actually. In early childhood development. And I've been working in a program for kids with special needs."

"I'm proud of you, Xander."

"You have no idea how much that means to me. Okay, your turn now. Spill about the Hellmouthy activities over the past three yea-. Willow. What is this?"

"At first glance it would appear to be a bill of some sort."

"Any reason why it world be addressed to Mrs. Willow Giles?"

"Because the phone company wants their money before the fifteenth?"

"You know good and well what I'm talking about. You're married? To GILES?"

"We got married about three months ago."

"I... I can't believe it. You got married. To Gil-"

"Yes, Xander. You've already stated that. And why can't you believe it? Is it so unconceivable that someone would want to spend the rest of their life with me?"

"No, Willow. What I can't believe is that I don't know who my oldest and bestest friend is anymore."

"What are you talking about?

"I don't recognize this place."

"Xander, it's the same house I've lived in all my life. My parents died freshman year, so I lived here alone for the longest time, until Giles moved in, and we redecorated."

"Look around you, Willow."

"What am I looking at?"

"The pictures. They've changed. The oldest one is like three years old, and I'm not in any of them. There's you, your husband, Buffy, Oz, Cordelia, Angel, and I know that that's not Spike with his arm around you like that."

"Yeah, that's Spike with his arm around me. He's become like my big brother since he came back. As for pictures of you, they are in only one room of this house."

"Where, the attic?"

"I put every picture of you or the two of us in my office upstairs."

"Oh, so you don't upset the little husband?"

"That's right Xander. They're in there because it upsets Giles to see me cry constantly."

"Huh?"

"I almost had a breakdown when I realized you weren't coming back. In fact, the day after my parents died we received a report that someone matching your description was found drained outside of Gatlinburg, Tennessee. We found out a few hours later that it was false, obviously. It was after that, and an incident with me casting a spell that resulted in the sky literally pouring cats and dogs, when Giles decided to move in to 'keep an eye on me'."

"I guess one thing led to another and boom: it's wedding bells."

"Not even close. Giles and I love each other, but not like that. He is so in love with Buffy that it's unreal. And he knows that my heart belongs to someone else."

"Oh. So, this is what, a marriage of convenience or something?"

"Yes and no. We got married because it was beginning to look a little funny. And considering the life we live, we both need someone when we come home from the office, so to speak. Plus, Giles was hoping that Buffy would wake up and realize her feelings for him when she realized that he wasn't available."

"Wow."

"Needless to say, my life is about to get very interesting, seeing as how even as we speak the two of them are holed up in the office of Giles' bookstore, doing things that would make monkeys blush."

"How do you know that?"

"Easy. I set up a spell in the bookstore. I figured that Buffy would probably jump him there."

"Oh my God. Are you all right? I mean, your husband is cheating on you!"

"I'm fine. I'm glad that they have finally admitted their feelings, cause it was getting to be a real drag to be round them. Besides, it's not like I'm in love with him."

"I've gotta know. Just who is it that you are in love with?"

"Why do you even care, Xander? I mean honestly. You said it yourself. You don't know me anymore. You weren't here when my parent's died, when I got married. These past three years have seen a lot of change, and you weren't here. So why should I tell you that I'm so in love with you that sometimes I feel like I don't exist outside of it."

"I know that I let you down, again. It's the theme of my life. I never did treat you right, but I've paid my price. You married another man, when deep down I thought that it would be Mrs. Willow Harris on the phone bill. I'm still paying my price, and I will every night for the rest of my life when I go to sleep without you in my arms."

"Xander, did you not listen to a word I said? My marriage is over."

"Wait, what did you say?"

"My marr-"

"Not that. You love me?"

"Good night, Irene. Yes. I love you. Alexander La-"

"No need for the middle name there, Wills. And I love you too. That's the real reason I left, you know. I had to become the man you needed."

"And no contact for three bloody years was necessary to accomplish this feat?"

"No, I just didn't know what to say."

"How about this?"

"Oh my. And just where did you earn to kiss like that?"

"Stick around and maybe you'll find out."

The End