Chains

Rating: PG, PG13?

Spoilers: general vague 4th season stuff

Summary: Willow's leaving. She tries to explain why.

Disclaimer: Thanks to these nifty new pills I'm taking, I know that these characters belong to Joss Whedon & company, and not to my Carebear, Lucky.

Distribution: You know the drill. If not, then ask.

Notes: we're going to assume that Xander didn't tell anyone he was leaving for his roadtrip

Notes redux: While this has nothing to do with anything, go listen to "Invisible Sun" by Sting and Aswad. It rocks. Made me all reminiscent for my high school days and Bob Marley.

"I'm leaving."

Xander looked up from his Gameboy and stared, openmouthed, at his oldest friend. "Excuse me? You're leaving? What's brought this sudden need for evacuation on?"

"It's time." Willow crossed the basement and sat next to Xander on the sofa bed. "I just thought I should tell someone."

"Where are you going?"

"Anywhere but here, I guess. I haven't really thought about it a whole lot, to tell you the truth."

"Okay." Xander got up and crossed the room to his mini fridge. "Want anything?"

"No thanks."

"Suit yourself." Grabbing a bottle of apple juice, Xander sat back down on the couch. "So, exactly why are you leaving?"

"All my life, it seems like I've always had a description attached to my name."

"Like what?"

"I was Willow, Xander's best friend. Or Willow, Buffy's sidekick. I've been Percy's tutor, Cordy's doormat, a protegee to Giles, Oz's girlfriend, Spike's...blood-getter, and Tara's girlfriend. I did a lot of soul searching last night, and when I woke up this morning I realized something."

"What?"

"I have no idea who I really am. Take away all of those things, and I'm not anyone. I need to figure out who Willow is without anyone else in the picture."

"Oh. I understand."

"I knew you would. That's why you're the one I'm telling."

"You mean to tell me that you're not telling anyone else? Willow, that's not right, and you know it."

"Yeah, but you taking off without telling anyone first was perfectly acceptable!"

"Damnit Willow, that was different and you know it."

"Oh really? How was that different? At least I'm telling my best friend. I had to find out that my best friend bailed on me from a postcard, three days after he left!"

"Look, I had my reasons, and if you can't understand that then I'm sorry."

"Yeah, I'm sorry too. Look, my coming here tonight was obviously a mistake. I just wanted to tell you that I lo-I wanted to tell you that I'm leaving for a while. It's probably best if I go now. I still need to pack."

"Do you plan on ever coming back?"

"This is still home, so I think so eventually. Why? What, do you want me gone forever now or something? Isn't it bad enough that you cut yourself off from everyone this year? It seems like the only person who has any contact with you on a regular basis is Anya."

"Oh, that's rich. _I_ cut myself from everyone. Yup, you sure nailed that on the head, didn't ya Wills? I didn't cut myself off from you, you alienated me! Remember? You became the college chick, and I was the townie who worked every name-tag job in this Godforsaken town."

"You didn't have to be. I know about the scholarship, Xander."

"What scholarship?"

"The one that UCSunnydale offered you if you'd join their swim team. You didn't have to be a townie. You could have gone with college with the rest of us, but you were too scared."

"Oohhh, since we're talking about college opportunities and being scared, why don't we talk about you? Ms. Rosenberg, who had her pick of attending every top rate institution of higher learning in several different countries. Yet you chose to attend the local university. I wonder why?"

"I stayed to help Buffy and Giles."

"Bullshit Willow. Your help consists of being research-girl and hacking into government files. With the advent of modern technology, you can do those keen fighting skills anywhere in the world. You stayed because you were scared. You were too scared to go out there and face the real world, where all the problems can't be fixed with a crossbow and a bottle of holy water."

Willow looked Xander straight in the eyes. "Goddamnit, Alexander Lavelle Harris. I love you. I've tried not to, but I just can't help myself. I loved you before I knew what love really was. I realize that probably doesn't really matter anymore, but I just wanted to tell you. I love you, and it's not because the world's about to end, and it's not because one of us is in a coma. I might have been too scared a year ago to move on with my life, but I'm not too scared to admit my love for you. Now, if you'll excuses me, I think it's high time I say good-bye and begin moving on with my life as just Willow." With that, she turned around and climbed the stairs leading out of the basement, not stopping to look back.

Hearing the door close gently upstairs, Xander sat down on his sofa and softly began crying, mourning the official end of his childhood.

Outside the basement door, Willow did the same thing.

The End