A shadow hanging over me

Disclaimer: Not mine. They belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Fox, and various other corporate monkeys. And the song that inspired me belongs to Phil Collins, I think.

Distribution: Eh, what the heck. Just ask if I haven't already told you yes.

Notes: I seem to have the illusion that Xander took off for his road trip without telling anyone. I have no idea why.

How?

How can I just let you walk away, just let you leave without a trace?

I know that's what you're doing. Why else would you be packing up and leaving even before the sun has fully risen? I'm standing here in the shadows, watching you load up your newly acquired convertible with bag and bag after stuff. When you began rhapsodizing about living like Kerouak, I didn't actually think you'd leave.

Stupid me.

I still thought, deep down, that you and I would be beginning our post high school lives together. That's why I came to your house this morning. It took some freaky Jhe demons to make me realize that I really did love you, and it took the events of yesterday to make me realize that I can't go on pretending anymore. I still love you, and I need to be with you.

But you're leaving.

You're the only one who really knows me at all, you know. Not Buffy, not Oz.

Just you.

How can you just walk away from me, when all I can do is watch you leave? We've shared so much together, all the laughter and happy times along with the pain and tears. Every memory I have has you all wrapped up in it.

Dammit!

Don't leave! There's still too much to say, things I'm afraid you'll never know. I wish I could just make you turn around so you can see me crying for this love that was lost before it could really be found. There's so much I need to say to you, so many reasons why I could never say it before.

Please, Xander.

You haven't even backed out of the drive way yet, and it already feels like there's an empty place inside my soul, all because I was too scared to listen to you. I ran to a stranger's arms because being with you scared me too much.

And now I'm paying the price.

The End